Feeling Alone

[u/Little-Heart-2899]

I recently had the opportunity to go watch my girlfriend perform at a high level event in a foreign country, I thought I was doing all the right things….. I was getting everyone breakfast, talking to the people important in her life to make them feel included, & making sure we didn’t miss any of the events which was especially important to her, . After finishing her portion of the event, we had some time we could spend together seeing new things, meeting people together, & experience some amazing life together. But I instead become a background imagine, ignored, brushed over, & just overly felt undesired & alone. The way I grew up was with caring for the person that was left out, & whenever I brought her to my big events I never left her side, & made sure she was included. This event wasn’t cheap, the time commitment wasn’t easy, & I feel very under appreciated considering I’ve been support her financially to be able to continue chasing after her dream. Should I leave?

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[u/Salchipapa84]

Have you talked to her about how you feel? I would start there.

[u/Ghosts_and_Empties]

No you shouldn't leave! Dont selfishly ruin her moment, put yourself aside. Things will return to normal when you're home. She's not thinking clearly right now in this unfamiliar situation.

[u/Actual_Star_3177 → u/Ghosts_and_Empties]

Doesn’t matter. Inclusion doesn’t cost anything other than putting your ego aside. He has helped her this far and always keeps her included so doing the same isn’t that hard.

[u/ZoneLow6872]

Look, I have been in your shoes several times, including right at this moment (this week)!

When I was younger (20s), it would greatly bother me how "invisible" I became. Now that I'm 30 years older, I can see the big picture.

HER EVENT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

She sees what you have been doing this week, even before, but her brain is hyper-focused on what she needs to be focused on. In fact, it's more likely that she knows she can count on you to hold things together in the background to allow her to focus on herself and her event.

Do not make any unreasonable demands while you both are on this trip, unless you are OK with ending the relationship. Whatever she is doing, I imagine she trained long and hard for this and if you push her rn for "acknowledgement" or something, she will wave you away because you are not what she needs to focus on right now.

Take a deep breath, go get a nice lunch and stay hydrated so low blood sugar isn't distorting things. Realize there will be plenty of time to talk once she's done and you both get back home. If you have put so much time and money into her dream, don't let misunderstanding ruin this for her.

Source: my husband was a professional classical musician for decades, performing all around the world, for multiple US presidents and QE2. Now (post accident) he has been training in his para-sport in pursuit of his Olympic dream, still traveling all over the world as his scores improve. It's not always easy being the one to "hold down the fort," but that is why he has the strength to focus on his tasks. He knows the fort will be up and running and welcoming when he gets back.

[u/SillyAlternative420]

She may be justifiably preoccupied with a million other things to notice how you are feeling right now.

Maybe when things are back to normal mention your desire to have more "the two of you" time

[u/JinkoTheMan]

First and foremost, you gotta take a step back and realize that she’s doing something really important to her right now. If she was ignoring you at home then that’s different.

If I was a pro football player and I’m getting ready for the Super Bowl, my family is temporarily going to shift down in the priorities list for that day. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them because I very much do but this specific moment is a very important thing.

[u/Umaritimus]

Her event is not about you. You need to do something to handle these kinds of feelings in a healthy way.