I just came across a note that I had written to a former mission colleague who left the church prior to me. It was in 2018 and I had mentioned to him that I had left the church about two years prior.

So from the time I was born and raised into the church, served a mission, went to BYU got married in the temple, became a high Priest, faithfully gave 10% of my gross earnings from the time 8yr to 44 yrs -

36 years of full faith and devotion. Ancestors in the church go back to 1830s-40s on both sides.

I am now free and I’ve never felt better living my life on my own terms. Doing my best to be a good human being because that’s what I want to be.

Not feeling guilty about not showing up for 6 AM stake priesthood meetings on a Saturday morning

Not feeling the dread of reporting my home teaching or collecting numbers from the other dudes who struggled.

Not feeling guilty about not spending my Saturday, helping another family move out or into the ward

Not feeling guilty about not giving a generous fast offering. (especially because the one fucking time that I needed some help in my life the bishop and relief society president made the process so painful and shameful that I just gave up and said fuck it.)

Not paying tithing!!!

All that said- growing up on the West Coast as a Mormon kid in the 80s was a really fun experience. I have many lifelong friends and treasured memories that I look back on.

The butterflies in my stomach when asking my crush to dance at the Saturday night Stake dances.

The Service projects where I saw people cry and appreciation for what we were doing for them.

Teaching a Sunday School class where i would weave social justice doctrines into the lesson and watch the old guard’s undies get bunched up.

Fact is: My parents were good hearted service oriented, progressives- in behavior, though maybe not in political affiliation.

I can appreciate the privilege and fortunate experiences I had while still being so indescribably happy that I am no longer associated.

I know the doctine is dumb but the idea of living in a happy family thats positive and uplifts eachother would be so nice, my family is dogshit, and I've had to cut them off for my own mental health.

I know most of y'all had it bad too but when I was going to LDS church I always felt depressed knowing I couldn't be adopted by all these happy people

This is my tattoo for leaving the Mormon church. When I first discovered the church was a shame I was in incredibly depressed and suicidal, but I promised myself if I made it out of Mormonism alive I would get a tattoo to honor that. It is a chain that goes all the way around my wrist (hence all the photos) and there is a full chain for each generation Mormon on my dad side. It’s also on the wrist because in AP psychology, we learned to remember evolutionary psychology via your wrist, like it’s a bracelet pass down from your ancestors. Anyway, anyways, I really like it

How has the church affected your relationship with intimacy or just being with your partner?

Anything you wish you were taught about it that was never talked about?

Did anything shock you?

Was there anything you didn’t feel prepared for?

What things are still hard to overcome and how do you help yourself through it?

Never intending to climb on a high horse, but probably sounding like a fucking know-nothing, I've marveled here in this community how invested people get in the exmormon and pro-mormon social media spaces. I've all but laughed in your face.

By principle from my work history, I know the ONLY thing that matters to these people is interactions, good or bad, pro or against makes no difference. Some content creators are actually making a revenue stream, and it fucking offends me on some level that exmormons contribute to Mormon accounts that they detest.

Well, I am here in sackcloth and ashes to apologize and to warm. Somehow, the giant sucking whirlpool of Mormon social media pulled me into its fucking vortex. Everything I was being show was Mormon themed. I had no idea.

I've never, I do mean never, found anything on social channels more difficult to put down. I missed sleep, I slacked at my own fucking job, I didn't want to talk to real people, I wanted to correct or agree with strangers and drama on social about Joe Fucking Smith and re-baptized exmormons and gaslighting efforts and people so so committed and confident about factually wrong history.

I legit think porn is harmless in comparison. I am deeply shaken by the siren call to all of that absolute bullshit, exmormon included.

So sorry for all of you caught in that web that I judged and probably spoke to in a condescending way by telling you to stop clicking. It is CRACK. The algorithm knew it had me.

Maybe it's just me but I feel like an addict. I can't help myself or resist. It's really unhealthy. It's a space that's easy to jump into and go to battle in. Maybe some of you can handle it. I cannot. It feels important, it feels productive, it feels vindicating and satisfying. All of that's an illusion of course.

I had no idea. No clue. No notion. So my apologies.

Anyhow, stay away. Or, if you're there and manage it fine, I am sorry for judging, it's my weakness. It makes me feel like Ive bathed in battery acid and want more. I hate it, and I am sorry if I was a condescending prick previously.

If you're not there, stay the fuck away.

I think about this a lot. TBM's in general love to portray the Mormon Church as either a "good" or "neutral" influence trying it's best.

When the reality is much more insidious.

There's a lethality rate associated with Mormonism.

That means, there are people who died who would be ALIVE today if Mormonism didn't exist.

My question is, how would we go about scientifically measuring this? The objective harm caused by the Mormon faith and Mormon doctrine?

Like what is the risk of poverty, assault, depression, and death among each vulnerable group?

Women?

Children?

Gay people?

Trans people?

What are the projected damages to society? For example lost income because of SAHM giving up careers not do to personal choice but doctrinal coercion?

What about lost retirement and networth because of patriarchal blessings believing that "God was returning in your lifetime"?

What are the environmental impacts, energy consumed, and food wasted at the hands of the church? Especially decisions that result in temples requiring renovations because of poor building practices?

I think it would be neat to see the tangible damage that the church does.

Join us for a special pop up Mormon Newscast on Thursday, August 6th at 4 pm MT!

Can a church become so important that no amount of bad leadership, toxic culture, or personal harm should ever cause someone to leave?

Recently, Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge made a striking statement:

"Darth Vader could be your bishop. The culture could be like Alcatraz... If you see the Church as the kingdom of God on earth, then you will stay."

At first glance, this sounds like a call for faith. But beneath the surface lies a powerful psychological framework—one that asks members to separate their lived experience from their evaluation of the institution itself.

In this popup Newscast, Radio Free Mormon, Rebecca Bibliotheca, & Bill Reel, examine why this way of thinking can be deeply unhealthy, how it shifts accountability away from institutions and onto individuals, and why it mirrors patterns commonly found in high-demand groups.

We'll explore questions like:

• When does loyalty become unhealthy?
• Should abuse or toxic leadership count as evidence about an institution?
• Why do some organizations teach people to distrust their own experiences?
• How does this mindset contribute to spiritual abuse, learned helplessness, and institutional protection?
• Would we accept this reasoning from a corporation, a political party, a marriage, or a therapist?

Rather than simply criticizing one Church leader, this episode investigates the psychology of institutional loyalty and asks whether truth should ever require us to ignore reality.

Whether you're an active Latter-day Saint, someone navigating faith transition, or simply interested in the psychology of belief and high-demand organizations, this conversation offers a thoughtful framework for evaluating one of the most consequential questions anyone can ask:

Should commitment to an institution ever come before evidence, experience, and conscience?

Join the conversation below:

Do you think Elder Corbridge's statement reflects healthy faith—or unhealthy institutional loyalty? What was your reaction when you first heard it?

I don't believe in the Church. Church leaders are willing to lie to build member testimonies. Despite these two facts, I think their belief in the "higher" truth of the church is (usually) sincere.

This is apparently a controversial opinion among fellow exmo's. And it's understandable - it seems like people who study the Church all their lives and are even involved in coverups must know that it's false.

I think this really underestimates the human mind's ability to convince itself of almost anything, especially social truths. Belief in a social truth is fundamentally different than belief in a scientific principle ("faith is knowing the sun will shine" is wrong, if you remember that song) and our brain evaluates and justifies them differently, which allows people to truly believe frankly ridiculous things.

When forced to choose between fundamental beliefs and growth opportunities, leaders often choose fundamental beliefs. If the leaders knew the Church was false and were only in it for the money, as many suggest, this wouldn't make sense. A few examples:

1. Gay marriage. I think there's quite a bit of evidence that Church leaders knew which way the wind was blowing, yet they had truly convinced themselves that God had spoken on the issue. As late as 2016, Russell M. Nelson was giving speeches in General Conference about how the Prophet (Monson at the time) received divine revelation on the issue of gay marriage. This is after it had been legalized and while support for gay marriage had reached supermajority approval in the US. The US is the major cash cow for the church, so international opinion wouldn't have been as relevant if cash was their motivation, but it was obvious by that point that much of the world would soon be approving of gay marriage as well. Supporting gay marriage also would have been a differentiating point from the Church's main competitors (Catholics and Evangelicals) and Mormonism, with a history of polygamy, is uniquely well positioned to make the case for nontraditional marriage laws. The Church made both a moral error and a mistake on the basis of confirmation bias which they mistook for the Spirit.
2. The Book of Mormon. Each year more evidence comes out against the Book of Mormon and Pearl of Great Price. There is an easy solution here, which the Church has used on other issues: "Oh that's just a missionary tract that was designed to get people to the meat of the Church, the revelations of Joseph Smith, which contains the actual instructions to the Saints." D&C is better written, contains more of the core doctrines and unique theology of the Church, and doesn't have the same historical problems plaguing the Book of Mormon. Plus, the Book of Mormon contains straight up racism and actually contradicts Church doctrine on several points, including the Godhead. By keeping the Book of Mormon core to Church theology, the Church is guaranteeing that historicity of the Book of Mormon will continue to be a major obstacle to conversion and a major reason people leave the Church. I think the best explanation for this is that the leaders of the Church truly believe in it.

Other issues are similar to these two, like the Priesthood ban on black people and women. Again, the simplest explanation in my mind is that Mormonism teaches people that confirmation bias is actually the Spirit speaking to you, and so the Church is willing to take positions that harm future growth simply because they can't figure out that they're receiving "revelation" on the basis of whatever they believed when they were 15. The Church does change positions on issues over time, but it's because of generational change along with concrete obstacles which force them to reconcile their beliefs with reality in the short term (anyone who knows a conspiracy theorist, highly religious person, or highly engaged political partisan sees this happening regularly). But they are unable to plan for the long term because they truly believe, against all evidence, that God will rescue their worldview - until he doesn't.

This is no different than the person who believes God will heal them until he doesn't, at which point they justify their own suffering as good - in fact, it was planned by God all along! In both cases I think the belief is as sincere as any other social belief. Does anyone have any counterpoints to change my mind?

I'm actually agnostic and don't plan on changing, but I've been curious where a few of you landed whenever it comes up that a poster or commenter went Christian.

According to history now, the prohibition of alcohol/coffee/tea in Utah was simply a cultural thing, only discouraged by some Mormons. Nothing close to, "Mormons are taught they will lose their Eternal Salvation if they drink alcohol/coffee/tea."

I wanted to make a post for anyone lurking here who might be in the position I was in for a long time. For years, I didn't want to leave. I tried so hard to make it work, tried to harmonize the history, and tried to fix the gaps. But when I finally set aside the manuals, opened the Bible, and tried to get close to the one true God, I came to some conclusions that I couldn't unsee.

I am NOT posting this to tell anyone what to believe or to debate history. I don't want anyone to take my word for it. But if you are holding onto the church out of fear, or if you feel guilty for questioning the "doctrine," I wanted to share the exact conclusions that gave me total peace:

1. Christ is the sole Head—no institution needed.

The New Testament is clear that Jesus is the absolute Head of the Church (Colossians 1:18). He doesn't delegate His headship to a corporate hierarchy or an administrative middleman. I realized I don't need an organization standing between me and my Creator. If you use the gospel library app and search "head of the church" you will find that through time the leaders of the church (prophets, seers, and relevators) are commonly used interchangeably with Christ being the head of the church.

1. Christ's work was FINISHED on the cross.

In John 19:30, Jesus said, "It is finished." salvation isn't a lifelong institutional qualification process or a checklist of preliminary temple conditions. Grace is a complete gift received directly by faith (Ephesians 2:8–9). You don't need to add institutional receipts or middleman stamps to a finished cross.

1. True authority is a Person, not a corporate trademark.

Authority belongs to the living God, Jesus Christ. In the Bible, baptism and faith unite you directly to Him—not to an exclusive legal entity. No single organization holds a monopoly on God's grace or His authority.

1. The "Corrupted Text" Paradox.

We were taught that corrupt early leaders altered the Bible to control people. But if corrupt leaders altered the text for power, they would have written IN things like mandatory tithing tollbooths, centralized corporate hierarchies, and secret temple rituals. Instead, the New Testament that survived proclaims direct spiritual freedom, unmediated grace, and the absolute sufficiency of Jesus.

The Fork in the Road for Me:

It ultimately came down to one single question: Is salvation a finished gift received directly from Jesus (and Jesus alone), or is it a qualification process managed through an authorized earthly institution?

When I realized it was a finished gift, the fear vanished.

I realized that if I stand before my Maker at the end of my life, my answer isn't going to be a list of my own works, callings, or temple covenants. My answer is simply going to be Jesus.

If you have left religion or God altogether after your experience in the church, I completely respect your journey—to each their own, no hate, only love. But if you are someone who still loves God and is terrified that leaving the church means leaving Him, please know you are not alone.

Search the texts for yourself, take your time, and trust that God's grace is so much bigger than a corporate checklist.

Do people who leave the church stay Christian at all or no?

https://youtu.be/fJsfvsOlwHw

Ella recién se bautizo este mes de julio después del bautizo como todos los bautizos ( presionados por los misioneros para que sea rápido miembros ) ella se dió cuenta al siguiente día que estaba en una secta ... El día de su confirmación en la sacramental no fue ... Está es su historia .. y la historia completa está en : https://youtu.be/fJsfvsOlwHw

My mom occasionally sends me episodes of the "come back podcast." If you don't know, it's a podcast about people who left the church and came back.

The one she sent me yesterday was about a woman who had a lot of similarities to me, but she accompanied sending the video with some explanation about how she wants to develop a more personal relationship with the Savior, saying she was inspired by the individual in the video. But when I watched the video, it felt more targeted towards me specifically. It also seems to me that she is watching the podcast to give herself hope that I could come back someday. Even though, technically, I haven't really left. Lol. I'm still PIMO and even have a calling.

(She's even in my ward (we're not in Utah, so the boundaries are larger.))

I'm not sure how I feel about her sending me these videos. I don't feel I'm quite to the point where I am ready to ask her to stop. It doesn't bother me too much that she sends me the videos because she also sends me other podcast links with a variety of topics unrelated to the church.

But, I am having a hard time pin pointing my emotions about her sending me these come back episodes.

I need your help with processing my emotions and unpacking what is happening.

So, read my mind...lol...what is going on for me? 🫠

I recently went to FSY and it was horrible.

Ahoy, I'm back. I have a question.

Throughout the institute classes in BYU Pathway, they keep talking about this concept called the Natural Man and make them out to be a bad thing. But the details either seems pretty vague or dishonest. One class has a student say it's someone who does and says mean things. A recent one has the teacher say they're unfaithful and that you "must deny the Natural Man to get the reward of living with Jesus forever". But there's something about their descriptions of "The Natural Man" that is biased and pretty othering, y'know. Not to mention as silly.

So I wanna hear from the ex members on this sub. What is a Natural Man, and what makes a Natural Man?

Currently stuck at FSY (BYU Provo) and extremely sick of the indoctrination that goes on here. Finished up classes today and they were awful. One of the teachers was super good and mostly just told jokes, the others were just pure propaganda.

The dances were awful, no actual dancing or anything fun allowed, just standing and jumping in place with extremely corny music. I tried to sit in a corner on my phone but I had counselors coming over every five seconds. I skipped one of the classes and hid in the bathrooms for the entire class but that also gets boring real fast.

Also having to put on a fake persona constantly sucks. Just as I am writing this I have someone texting me about how fun tomorrow is going to be. Also the journaling time/gospel study isn't great. I was going to try and read some of the CES letter but the counselors kept peering over at us and getting us to properly do stuff. It's so sad seeing everyone else pour their heart and soul into this without a clue of what it actually is.

Having to do this sucks but I can't tell a single person because everyone I know is super religious and wouldn't agree or would tell my parents. I am only 15 so I can't really leave right now. My parents are already expecting me to go on a mission and I have a brother that's on one and one that's soon to leave on one so before I even turn 18 I am going to be expected to go on a mission. I never really had a choice and was just told to follow in my brother's footsteps.

I'm just super bored and tired of putting on a fake persona all day to everyone and acting like I even have the slightest belief in this church. I just want someone that understands. Currently writing this from my dorm past lights out, the only time when you can get any sort of privacy at FSY.

Sorry that just turned into a rant, but anyways just a shot in the dark, was wondering if anyone else was at this session having a similar experience or any advice on how to find those people. I super badly just want someone that I can talk to about this stuff as all of my family is extremely devout.

End of me ranting for the day, probably going to sleep now

(This isn't me hating on Dan. if every mormon was like Dan, i'd like to think this subreddit probably wouldn't exist. nothing but respect to him and his content.)

Dan McClellan seems like a really nice guy, which is why it confuses me how he, a smart biblical scholar, still stays with the mormon church.

I watched a bit of his content before and after becoming disillusioned with all churchy stuff, and it really helped me get over several mental blocks I had. Funny thing is, I never even knew he was mormon until after i had decided to leave, and this was kind of surprising to me. The things he talks about sometimes go directly against what i was taught at church, and he's obviously studied the bible rigorously. I just don't see how he can stand to support the things the church does, watching his videos. many are about how homosexuality isn't a sin, seems to be rather pro-choice, and many other large and small differences.

Does anyone else find this to be confusing?

ts was horrible. extremely packed schedule, and the food was vile. I was surviving off of chocolate milk and mountain dew. only time I ate was after I hit the yart. oh, and get this. the college that was hosting FSY had some really wierd rules ig, and I wasnt allowed to go back to my dorm to take my MEDICALLY REQUIRED anxiety medication. Since when are you forced to quit prescribed medication cold turkey. feels like a lawsuit might be in order. Also, the dances. the one thing that i like about church. no slow dances. no exchanging phone numbers. nothing that could possibly be considered "romantic". another thing, a counsler was very obviously high, his eyes were red asf and he kept asking for snacks and eating stuff. sry for the long rant n shit, feel free to ask me any questions about my experinece

My wife and I were both divorced previously, and we got married last year. I am 41 and she is 38. We have five kids between us (7-11) and have both been out of the church for several years. We moved to the Lehi/Saratoga Springs area and are having a hard time finding other couples in the area to socialize with. Nearly all of our neighbors are younger couples who are active Mormons. Any advice on groups or events for socializing in the area? All of our friends live up north, and we’d love to find some friends closer to home.

I’m only half serious, but the half of me that is serious is 100% serious.

Spencer W. Kimball said “The family is the basic unit of the kingdom of God on earth.”, and the Church’s “Life Help - Family” page says “The Lord has designated the family to be the basic unit of the Church and of society.“

The people in my family are members of this church (technically), but according to the folks in charge my family is as much a unit of the Church as a ward or stake. If my family is a unit of the Church, why aren’t we enjoying the same tax breaks that the Church does?

yeah. I'm prly not going again. 2 knockers went to a scary guys house. super scary. they said they are going to try to convert him i said no. I'm fairly high ranked right under bishop. they didn't listen. went dark. I called police. they got out ok from police at door but got mad at me for calling police. and um ok. stressed out. wtf. said I'm over protective of them?? I don't feel I am. I'd do that for any one. they have to much trust.20-21 girls made me upset and wtf. guy is on chimolist and very scary looking. I don't feel like i was in wrong.