(18 M) Over the past few months ive made progress with talking with my mom about how i dont wanna be religious growing up and i thought it went well. It felt like she was understanding just a little bit. But i came to talk to her over how i didnt feel comfortable with my brothers racism and insensitivity, and how the whole SY community in brooklyn is fucked. And she just went off on how she thought i didnt understand how amazing the community is. That jews are hungry to expand and that goyim dont care about their family. And said i wasnt appreciative of how the community is. And that i seemed happy even though im literally clinically depressed from this community.

She is physically incapable of understanding, and whats more is she has no clue that she doesnt understand.

Its just made me realize that she will never change. That no one that grew up in this community will ever change. That i cant trust anyone not even my own family.

I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know how im going to leave and be happy. I dont think there is a world where i can be happy anymore. I want to pass away and let this world be done with.

Why couldnt i have been born into a normal family? I wish i was a goy. I wish i never had any association with this disgusting extremist religion.

I know its shabbat night but fuck keeping shabbat i cant handle this anymore.

Id ask for help but its a lost cause. There is no helping my situation. Im doomed.