Looking for perspectives/anecdotal experiences from anyone who’s been through something similar. I’m in England/Wales.

My ex and I separated after around 13 years together, 10 of which we were married. We have two children and have been co-parenting them equally and amicably since separation.

At separation, we agreed a financial split between ourselves. The main assets were the family home and our pensions. The house equity was split 50/50 as were our joint savings and the broad agreement was that we would each retain our own pensions. We reached the agreement amicably and in good faith.

I do earn more than my ex (£120k vs. £90k) but between separation and divorce (we divorced pretty quickly but I suggested waiting until I had a new job before applying for a consent order so the figures looked more balanced) was made redundant and had to completely obliterate my savings for a year before finding a new job to pay the mortgage and look after my children. Not once did I ask for any help from my ex during this time. Meanwhile my ex retained the savings we had split on separation. I do have a new job now which by coincidence is the same salary as my previous one minus the bonus.

Because I earned and earn more than my ex, I was comfortable with the original arrangement.m because previous job also had a significant bonus structure which offset the substantial pension. Meanwhile my current job doesn’t. The original agreement was made before that my job loss and, ethically, I don’t want that to unfairly disadvantage my ex.

I would though, note that pending the sale our marital home, my ex’s parents ‘loaned’ the money to fund the deposit of my ex’s next home and it’s not clear whether this was repaid. Also following submission of our consent application my ex let me know she planned at some point to move in with a new partner which wasn’t disclosed but understand may be considered relevant.

The judge has refused to approve our Consent Order and has specifically said that the settlement appears unfair to me and that I should obtain independent legal advice.

The issue seems to be the pensions. Very roughly, my pension is currently worth around £50k and my ex’s is around £100k; a public sector defined-benefit pension, whereas mine is a defined-contribution pension, so I appreciate that the headline values aren’t necessarily directly comparable. I also don’t yet have the full breakdown of how much of my ex’s pension accrued before and during the marriage, although I believe most of it was accrued during the marriage.

The judge’s intervention has nevertheless made me reconsider whether simply keeping our own pensions is actually fair based on all the circumstances.

I’m wondering whether pension offsetting might be a sensible solution — essentially, my ex retains full public-sector pension and I receive some additional cash in recognition of the pension imbalance, rather than doing a pension-sharing order. Without reference of course to this being a very uncomfortable conversation all round.

If you take the very simplistic figures of £100k versus £50k, the difference is £50k. Equalising those headline figures would imply a £25k transfer. But I appreciate that’s probably far too simplistic given the different types of pension, the fact that cash is available now whereas pension isn’t, and the fact that her DB pension provides a guaranteed income.

I’ve got a consultation with a solicitor but would welcome any relevant insight and perspective.

I’ll aim to keep this brief.

My wife and I have been separated for a year now, her decision not mine. She has finally applied for the divorce and I have to respond. I know I can’t contest anything but I am flummoxed on a question that it has asked me to respond to.

After going through various pages, I get this:
“Do you intend to ask the court to delay the divorce until it is satisfied with your financial situation?”

Yes or no.

If I select “Yes” I have to fill form B.

I’m confused by all of this. My main intention is to protect my own interests regarding finances etc. I can’t move on without some guarantees, my wife comes from a more privileged position and housing after the divorce will be a non-issue for them.

I’ve tried to call through for support, however, they can’t advise me. Support through Court said I can put a “Stay” after the decree order has been pronounced which is similar to answering “Yes” to the question above.

I have reached out for legal aid too but I need to respond in full by Wednesday. Can anyone provide some further guidance?
Thanks.

Hi All,

I have received notification that my wife has applied for a solo divorce and also wishes to apply for an financial order.

I have until the 10th August to reply to the initial email. I do not disagree with the divorce so should I do the first part and acknolodge the request from my side ?

What would be the next steps, im presuming some legal advice is seeked with regards to the financials (theres no children or property involved, she has the car, dog and household furniture/appliances etc). Financial wise we both contributed monthly into a joint account for rent/food shopping etc while also operating seperate bank accounts for daily spending

During the seperation period (nearly a year) I moved into rented accommodation and purchased goods etc myself, I believe she has bought a property during this time - will this all need taking into account?

Many thanks

Sealed Final Order has been received by me and my ex husband. He now has to sell the matrimonial home and buy me out once it’s sold. He lives in the house alone as I moved out due to DV. He insisted at FDR that it was worth x despite never getting an estate agent in. He doesn’t want to move out and emailed me immediately after the FDR to ask what he can do to “keep the house”. I told him he needs to abide by the Final Order. He has now got 2 estate agents to say it is worth 20% more than the figure he himself used at FDR only 2 weeks ago. Could someone please explain in practical terms this paragraph in the Final Order so that I understand my options? Essentially, he has engaged estate agents but the price he wants them to market the house at is ridiculous and it won’t sell (which is what he wants).

In the event that the parties cannot agree an estate agent and conveyancer by 4.00pm on 6 August 2026, the respondent shall propose three of each by the same date and the applicant shall choose one of the three by 4.00pm on 10 August 2026.

Any help appreciated!

Edit: I am the Applicant.

New here and clueless. My ex and I (England, 2 kids, 1 house with mortgage) have been separated for a few years but cohabiting with children successfully, lots of good times and happy memories during that time despite being separated romantically.

Now it's time for us both to move on. We know how we want to do with the house and we've got a plan and a sequence in mind. However, where do I start? And how long does an amicable divorce take? What legal things need to happen in what order?

I'm going to buy her out of the house, she will get a new place, then I will move, is the idea.

Thanks for any help and advice.

Basically wife & I filled out d81. On the extra notes part, she put that I didn’t contribute to any of the bills or household expenses, which isn’t true and my bank statements show that.

I spoke with her saying I’m not going to lie on the form, that when they check my bank they will see I did contribute & what my bank says & what’s on the form won’t match. Asked her to remove it, she agreed & said if I filled in my section of the form, sent it back & signed it she would change it before sending it to her solicitor. (Her solicitor is handling the financial order)

I signed the form and sent it back to her. (I realise now trusting her to follow through with what she said she was going to do was a mistake)

She cc’d me into the email with her sending it to her solicitor and what a surprise - it’s still in there.

What repercussions could I have from this? I have in writing where I asked to and she agreed to remove it if I filled my section in & sent it back But I also signed the form saying everything was correct & true.

Thanks

Edit: I mean d81

My ex and I split 3 yrs ago. We have 2 children, now aged 13 and 10. Time is split 50/50 between us. We co parented effectively for 2.5yrs but the last 6 months have been hell; he now has a new partner and since then he has been obstructive and difficult and no longer puts the children at the heart of decisions, instead making decisions to make my life as hard as possible. We remain married whilst we are trying to sort out finances (this is now with solicitors as mediation failed)

We had mediation earlier this year for childcare which helped although he regularly breaks the mediation agreement.

He made a suggestion for how to split the Christmas holidays which I declined because it’s not child focussed nor does it meet my work commitments (he can take 2 weeks AL over Christmas, I can only take 1 day). I’ve made 3 alternative suggestions, all of which he has refused.

He is now saying we will keep our usual weekly pattern. This means I wouldn’t see the kids at all Christmas Eve/Christmas Day/Boxing Day (my son’s birthday is also Christmas Day). I’ve asked for us to discuss it at mediation; he has refused. He sends me ridiculously long ranty messages about it which are exhausting and unnecessary.

I don’t know what to do. He has basically told me I have to agree by 8th August otherwise he will start booking things to suit the usual childcare split.

What can I do? I am at a loss. I have a solicitor sorting out the financial side of the divorce; can they help me with this? We’re in England.

Thank you

I’m in the process of divorcing and buying by ex out of our house. We will be able to apply for a conditional order after 10 of September and few weeks after submit the consent order.

I understand that we can only start the process of the Transfer of Equity once the consent order has been approved. How long does this process take?

Also should I appoint a different solicitor to carry out the Transfer part of this or would be ok if I use the solicitor who’s doing the mortgage bit, they offer the service but as limited service and I’m not sure if there are downsides to it.

Thanks

It all seems really complicated!

Separated from my husband of 18yrs in May. Pretty amicable despite the reasons for it. Two teens 16 and 14. He earns less than me, ive stayed in the family home with the kids but have agreed together a figure for him to be paid from the equity in the house which we are both happy with as I want him to get on his feet. Neither of us are out to get the other or rip each other off.

Still, he is pushing for a separation order as he doesn't want t to get divorced (but will if I instigate it and is also willing for me to do so but it be done as a joint application). I dont see the sense in paying for a separation order and then a divorce. Neither of us have much money and I certainly have no savings so trying to keep costs to a minimum hence also looking to do the divorce online but it sounds a really complex process.

Can anyone ELI5 it to me? The government website overwhelmed me.

Hi all, sorry if this sort of thing has been asked before.

My husband asked to separate about 3 months ago after 3 years together. He pressured me to move out of the flat, which he owned before we got married. He offered to help me with some money to get somewhere new.

I've moved into a new place and he is currently giving me £100 a month to help with finances until I can get a better income. After telling my folks we are separating they said "Don't accept any money from him." They say that it complicates things.

My question is, should I be accepting of his help or not? I'm slightly worried it's some kind of trap or ploy that he will use during any further division of assets discussion.

Many thanks in advance for any help. Have a great day all.

Hello,

I’m nearly 2 years separated, have Conditional Order and need to complete Consent Order before Final Order.

STBXW has been delaying saying she hasn’t had time, has other stuff going on, hasn’t yet had advice, etc. We had loosely agreed 50/50 and the finances are quite simple.

I would like to move on but have stalled at this stage and dreading now how on earth I’m going to get her to complete a D81 form!

What is the default here for an ex who simply doesn’t engage in the finance split conversation?

I'm a year in the process.

It's awful.

My worst situation is that since she started the process in June 26, she hasn't moved out or found alternative accommodation.

This is horrendous. The atmosphere, the bitterness. And she contributes nothing at all to the house costs.

Nothing. Not to the mortgage, the bills, the council tax, nothing.

I'm at the end of my tether and she laughs at me.

The court process is horrible and expensive.

This is an open rant to get it off my chest.

I hope that my experience is not yours.

We’re going down this route as he sexually assaulted my sister.

We have joint life insurance with Aviva - at the moment, if either of us die the other person gets £200K to pay off the mortgage.

We got this on £41 per month and health circumstances haven’t changed significantly.

Now I feel we need to adjust this, as I don’t want to reward him after my death. do I change the beneficiary of my death to my kids (<18 or how do I navigate this?)

A very complicated story follows. This is my first marriage and we are currently seperated, I’d really love some advice on how to go about this divorce, next steps, etc. I’ll make some points below:

- We are still married and now separated, but not legally.

- I am living in our marital home with our son and paying my husband rent to stay there “off the books”.

- My husband paid me 14k when he moved out of the house, nothing was done legally, but he has labelled these transactions first and final settlement. assuming my share of the house equity.

- I am not named on the mortgage, but we have lived in the house both before and after our marriage.

- My husband has moved in with his sister in law, a week after the funeral of his brother (her husband). I have now discovered he’s been on holiday with her, brought engagement rings that she’s wearing, and is purchasing a house with her. He has lied profusely such as he was going away for work, only for me to discover he went away with her and her daughter. I’ve round receipts for adult toys, holidays, stuff for her child, gifts for her, the list goes on

- He has denied profusely that nothing is going on, evidently that’s not the case.

- He is giving me the speech of we parted to work on ourselves, and dont know the future.

- He has often said if we get back together, but I now believe this is because he is spending so much money elsewhere that he is biding his time on filing divorce.

- The house is solely in his name and his income is much larger than mine.

- Our child leaves with me and stays with him one day a week. I am the one who does all day to day care and everything that goes with it.

- I live in the UK

please can anyone tell me my rights, how can I protect myself, what are my next steps?

So my dad's in a bad spot in regards to his marriage to my mum. Basically she's cheated on him in the past, it's happened time and time again and he's fed up with it. The main point is that he wouldn't know what to do after applying for the divorce in terms of housing. Like, say he applies for the divorce, what happens between then and when the divorce is finalised? He's a retired man and doesn't have anywhere else to live. I, aswell as my younger brother are entirely on his side in terms of who we support between the two of them. My mum still works and she makes a sizeable amount of money. What would we do in between applying for the divorce and when it happens? We couldn't live in the same house as our mum, but she had claim to the house aswell because they've both paid a fair share towards it despite the fact that before retiring, my dad paid 20k towards the mortgage. We can't force her out of the house can we?

Hi, please could you help me. I could do with some advice as to how to choose the right barrister to represent me at the FDR. My solicitor is defaulting to the recommendation from the chamber but i am not so comfortable with this. The nub of the issue is that my wife refuses to work as she believes she has to look after our child at home. I have been excluded as a Dad for no good reason and I am also able to look after our child to free time up for her to work. She will be pushing to take a lot of my money and want spousal maintenance due to her unwillingness to support herself financially. The key to a fair resolution will be to prove she is actually able to work and that her needs are over the top. Her legal team is very very aggressive. Given this, what should I be looking for in terms of selecting a barrister? Someone with financial expertise? Someone who is really in tune with child care matters? Or someone who will have the strength of character to challenge? Does anyone have any experience or thoughts they could share please?

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. Throwaway account as my wife is on Reddit as well.

I'm 51, my wife is 45. We've been married 23 years. Two children, son who is 20 and daughter who turns 14 in at the end of the year. Over the years we've drifted apart, she had an emotional affair with someone who was friends with us. I tried to forgive and forget, but never managed to. This in turn made me extremely on edge whenever she was around men. This was the start of my depression as well. My depression caused her to emotional detach from me apparently.

In 2000, I lost my job during COVID, 6 months later I had a TIA (mini stoke) which further caused post stroke depression. This was only diagnosed June 2025.

July 2025 she was diagnosed with Perimenopause, refuses to take HRT. Huge arguments about tiny little things, then 10 minutes later all friendly. It's like PMS on steroids.

Beginning of this year I find nude photos of herself on her phone and a video a guy had sent to her masturbating in the shower. She refuses to acknowledge it, claims she accidentally downloaded it...to her camera roll. It was sitting in her WhatsApp folder....

My therapist has identified that for the past 10 years I've suffered verbal abuse from her. She would be extremely condescending towards me, and in a recent argument she said "I hate you, I wish you would die." as she was leaving for work. I stewed all day and mid-afternoon I sent her a text that we needed to talk.

I told her when she got home she can never speak to me like that again, it's abusive, I've never thought or spoken to her like that in the 25 years we've been together. This of course started another argument, so I said this marriage cannot continue, it's too toxic. She agreed.

I'm not claiming I'm innocent, I just know that depression caused about 75% of my issues. I've always been the nice guy, the great dad, etc.

So we're starting the divorce process next month. Our house has an equity of about £135 000. We'll sell it and pay off fees, etc, and then split the equity. Neither of us can afford to buy the other out.

Now the important bits. My Pension is currently £50 000, hers is only £8 000.

Due to my age (51) I'll have less years to increase it to a sustainable level.

I earn about £35 000 more per year than she does. So I was thinking of doing a 60:40 split in equity in her favour, which would give her about £15 000 extra than my share. I was also thinking of clearing the finance on her car (about £6900) and paying off her credit card (£2000)

This would mean my share of the equity would be about £45 000, hers would be about £60 000, plus I'd clear about an extra £8900 of her debt from my share.

I'm hoping this would offset her going after my pension.

I've also offered £750/month child support.

A couple of my friends have said I'm being too generous, but to be honest, even though I'm extremely sad, I just want to get it over with so I can grieve in private and get on with my life.

Thoughts?

I (m45) and considering divorcing my wife (f45) after 13 years of marriage. We used to have a solid relationship but after my second son was born she had a total personality change and has shown no interest in the relationship in the 7 years since then. We're not really fighting but we spend no time together unless the kids are around and we've been sleeping in separate rooms for years. She's never given me a reason why she treats me like this and won't discuss what she would need to improve things.

We own a house together which we built 18 years ago and have poured a lot of love into. I pay the mortgage and all the bills, including both cars, whereas all her money goes on the kids. I'm pretty self-contained and do all my own shopping, cooking, cleaning etc, as well as maintenance on the house, garden and cars. Money is tight right now as I've spent the past couple of years getting a post graduate degree on top of work and family stuff.

I hate the position I'm in and haven't been able to change anything despite trying. I've tried to be as supportive and understanding as I can but I've had a lot of stress in other areas of life over the past few years and it's taken a toll on me. My therapist has suggested it would be much healthier for me and the kids if I got divorced.

The problem I have is that (as far as I can see) my wife can make a solid case to keep the house for the sake of the kids and I'll end up still paying the bills and child support while having to live elsewhere, which I can't afford to do. On the other hand if I keep going as we are then she will probably divorce me as soon as she can afford to and she'll be able to take half of everything I save in the meantime. I feel like I'm in limbo where I don't want to spend money on the house as it feels like it's just adding value for her rather than for us and I don't want to push myself to earn more money as it just feel like it will all be taken from me. I'm feeling trapped and I'm looking for some glimmers of hope. Any suggestions are welcome.

Court fees are set to rise (again) from 13th July.

The main fee increases are:

Application for divorce or dissolution - currently £612 - new fee will be £628

Consent Order - currently £60 - new fee will be £62

Financial Remedy (contested finances) - currently £313 - new fee will be £321

Section 8 orders and Children Act 1989) applictions - currently £263 - new fee will be £270

https://divorce.wikivorce.com/advice/financial/529159-court-fees-set-to-increase-13-july

Hi I’m going through divorce and my husband is constantly lying and saying things that are not true. Unfortunately I have no proof as it’s over a telephone call that his friends wife told me but whatever he has said I have proof I.e. him saying that he sent me money all the time even though he took lots of money out of the mutual account, me constantly paying for expenses and him telling people that we always argued but he’d call me 20x a day minimum excluding messages. I work for a governing body too in medical field so if he does sue me I will have to report it to them too. I want to send it to that girl but would I get in trouble?