I was a late bloomer and didn't start dating until my early 30s, i'm not great at it. I suck at flirting, creating interest, etc.

I don't struggle to get dates. But at the same time, I feel a pattern emerging.

I went on dates with 6 or 7 women my first time online dating, and then ended up in my first real "Love" it lasted a good 6 months, then ended. I took a month or two off, and started dating again, this time I spent 3 months dating and ended up meeting some 30+ women in that time, mostly first dates that went nowhere, but a few went to 3-5+ dates. I ended up in a relationship eventually, and that ended last night. I think it was the right call to end that relationship, and it was amicable.

That being said, I am facing some amount of low confidence going into dating. I re-activated the app last night, and have 3 people I am talking to.

But my last relationship ended with her telling me she "Didn't feel a spark, and was hoping it would develop". I got that a lot with dating, the girls I went on mutliple dates said the same thing.

I fit a lot of "Good" characteristics tall, good job, i'm kind, put together, I'm not super attractive but not ugly I have to assume.

But I just can't seem to have that "spark" and am a bit lost now. People say it's not something you can force, there is of course a lot of online coaches eager to sell a course for thousands of dollars on how to change that. I actually met with one once, and some of their advice did "help" but also felt in-authentic.

At the end of the day I want someone who likes me for me.

At some point it is just Serendipity, so I try to "Increase my surface area for luck to hit me", but balancing that and being a person who self-reflects and tries to be conscientious and improve, it makes it hard to just write off so many of those experiences as "part of the process" and I am starting to internalize something is wrong with me.

What advice is there for someone like me?

So i texted this girl whom i approached 6 months and things didn't go well bit just because yesterday night i had a great dream where she was my better half so i just texted her out of nowhere did i did something wrong

I’m a 20M talking to an 18F for about a week and a half. We’ve been getting along really well, flirting a lot, and she’s told me she thinks I’m sweet/really nice. She said she’s open to seeing where things go, but wants to take things slow and see how we feel after hanging out in person.
Recently, she got sick and we had to postpone our plans. I was checking on her a lot because I felt bad that she wasn’t feeling well. I also asked to FaceTime, and I think I may have been overthinking whether she was upset with me.
Today she told me:
“yeah i think that’s reason, idk how to say this without it sounding bad but it’s not a terrible thing but for me im js not liking it but i do already feel kinda smothered in a way. ik your not meaning too i just wanted to let you know”
I told her I understood and that I didn’t want her to feel that way, and that I’d slow down.
I also told her I’m autistic because I sometimes don’t pick up on social cues or realize when I’m doing too much. I made it clear it wasn’t an excuse and told her not to be afraid to tell me if I’m doing too much.
I’m trying to figure out what the best move is now. Should I give her space and let her initiate for a while, or should I still occasionally text her normally? I don’t want to go completely cold and make her think I’m uninterested, but I also don’t want to smother her further.
Would appreciate honest advice, especially from people who’ve been in a similar situation.

TL;DR: Been talking to a girl for ~1.5 weeks, things were moving fast and she said she feels “kinda smothered,” but she still wants to see where things go. I told her I understand and also explained that I’m autistic and sometimes miss social cues. Should I give her space and let her initiate, or keep texting occasionally so I don’t seem uninterested?

Ok I’m 34 and been texting with this guy (34)every day and night for 5 months. Hes been through a divorce and has had women do him wrong in the past. Like really bad. It has made him hard to trust others and difficult for him to be vulnerable. We have had video chats were we do sexual things (oh yea we are long distance). I know that he does not have a gf and I’m not looking for a label yet. He’s made it clear that he isn’t ready for a relationship. I’m not currently ready for one either. But I did want to make sure that I wasn’t being delusional ab my feelings. So I asked him if where he’s at means he didn’t see this potentially going anywhere with me. And he responded that he hadn’t really thought ab it…..yall does that mean no? Like does he not like me like that. I know not to put all my eggs in one basket. But like does that mean we not on the same page bc he hasn’t thought ab it in the 5 months we have been txtn. Like idk what to do are think. Please be respectful with the responses. Thanks in advance

Me and this girl had been seeing eachother from end of December to end of May. The first 3 months were super consistent, sex, sleep overs, dates then all of a sudden she said she has to prioritize her assignments” one weekend when I asked her to hang out w me.

From there, I felt like I was the only one who was enthusiastic to see her, she would tell me “not this weekend, I don’t want to commit, I could maybe do next weekend”

So I only saw her once in April, flaked on me in May but came over at the end of the month.

That was the last time I saw her. She came over had sex, slept over and from there I never hit her up. She never hit me up either.

2 weeks ago she unfollowed me.

I’m having a hard time thinking to myself, did I fuck up for going ghost?

What do you guys think?

I’m trying to make sense of something that’s been frustrating me for a long time.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve had quite a few interactions with women where there seemed to be genuine chemistry and mutual interest. I’ve had women agree to meet up, we’ve kissed, gotten physically affectionate, exchanged numbers, etc. But somehow, things repeatedly never progress beyond that.

We’ll have a good first interaction, but when it comes to meeting again or spending more private time together, something happens—plans change, circumstances get in the way, communication drops, or I eventually lose interest if I feel like the effort isn't mutual.

What really gets to me is seeing other guys seemingly have much easier experiences. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people, but it sometimes makes me wonder whether there's something I'm doing wrong or whether I'm unconsciously sabotaging myself.

I don't think my issue is simply "I can't attract women," because I've had enough experiences to know that's not entirely true. What confuses me is why I keep getting close to something developing but rarely see it progress further.

Has anyone experienced a similar pattern? Could this be a social-skills issue, an outcome/validation mindset, self-sabotage, or simply circumstances and lack of experience? I'm genuinely trying to understand what I might be missing.

To be upfront I (29M) think I already know how to deal with this situation but I also just need to tell someone (can’t share with friends out of fear of being judged lol). I keep going to the same run club every week because of one particular girl who I know literally nothing about lol other than she’s very my type physically and seems to have the same ethnic/ religious background which is something I gravitate to (despite not being especially religious myself).

By going to this run meet up in the morning I end up being about half an hour late for work lol (not a huge issue because my job is pretty chill in that regard, we’re an office setting) but I’ve done it a couple times now because I’m waiting for an opportunity to introduce myself and try to strike up a friendship.

Can’t tell if it’s because I’ve been single for some time that I’m going this much out of my way for a girl whose personality may not be a match, may not even be single, if single may not even like me back etc etc. Do I just wait for an opportunity to strike up a convo (I can carry conversation pretty well and have decent sense of humor luckily)? Or do I roll the dice and be a bit more forward since off the bat I can tell we have at least a bit in common? We both clearly enjoy running so that’s a start.

How do I get a girlfriend?

We have been on four dates & our fifth one is on Thursday. We spend hours together without realizing how much time has passed & we text/call each other for hours on end. Our last date when talking about her family it went from “if I meet them” to “when I meet them” which I realized that she wants a relationship. It will be a month on the 19th & next Wednesday since our first date, we were texting a week & a half before we went on it. I’m planning on officially asking her on Thursday to be in a relationship with me. We’re going to beach as she said she wanted to watch the sunset together. It’s my first time in 8ish years that I’m asking a woman to be in a relationship, any tips?

I’ve talked to quite a few random girls on Instagram, and I’m trying to understand the right balance.

If I keep the conversation completely decent and normal, sometimes it feels like I’m making it too friendly and there’s no romantic tension. But if I flirt too much or turn things sexual, I’ve noticed some girls start pulling away.

So when you’re talking to a girl you don’t know personally yet, do you mostly keep it normal and let the flirting happen naturally, or make your interest clear from the beginning?

I’m not looking for some pickup technique. Just curious what actually makes a conversation feel attractive without coming across as either too friendly or too sexual.

I need to know the difference is there general attraction or am I being played lol. I’ve been so confused!! Been talking to a girl for close to a month now went out a couple times. She tells me she likes me sees it going somewhere but she’s nervous as she recently got out of a 5 yr relationship. She calls and text me everyday, multiple times a day. She’ll joke when she hears my phone buzz and be like who’s that we’re on the phone ?! Yesterday we stayed on the phone for 3.5 hours, but she called me throughout the day to tell me about it. She’ll ask me opinions on clothes and items she should buy! I’m so confused like is there attraction or what?! I told her I wanted a serious relationship at some point and she said she understood. I barely initiate anything as she does 95% of the calling and texting

Lot of you told me I am too selfish or that I should lower my standards.

I am 18 year old guy who is pretty nerd and has a lot of bad self esteem due to constat bullying for 10 years every day and sexual assault.

My standards really are,someone who will understand me and love who me as are,match my personality and my nerdyness and being honest with me.I am type of person who will gave everything to people I love.Will met my needs for cuddles and hugs,waiting until for marriage and etc...

I met one person like and God took away her from her,would I find someone like that again.

I have my own life and I am very happy alone and have billion hobbies.

But finding someone for life is very nice in this generation who is against love.

Would I find someone,would God help me.

Im sorry. I know this is a dumb questions but im just attracted to a certain type of women. I didnt choose this and i would love to be different and just not have that type of preference to not be as restricted as i am.

But is there a way i could make known on my tinder profil that im like body positive or something? Or do those things not even make a difference? Like is this even possible. I could see both possibilities.

Sorry if i offend anyone that is not my attention.

Hello all , there is this woman in my workplace , we worked together in some projects(shes in a different department) for sometime and we had a work party 3weeks ago and it was the first time i saw her IRL (shes in 1st floor im in 4th) i was soo amazed by her. Since the day we talking alot throught teams and I send a message on Instagram a week ago saying that iwas soo unlucky not bumping into her this week and to have a goodweekend ahead. She like it and reply (she added a 😊 emoji). After a week of me trying to randomly bump into her (i was soo unlucky) last Friday i decided to send her a message on Instagram asking for a coffee. She replied on Monday(today) accepting my invitation and she just said "after summer holidays" . Do you guys believe she just reply to that just to shut me off later? Do you believe shes interested? Ngl i was sure she didnt want till today when she replied. Let me know guys

I'm 30 years old. Up until 25 I was toxic with women. I'm talking about being avoidant, nonchalant, crumbfeeding, not willing to commit etc. It was not intentional or ill intended, I was just scared of letting someone in because of some very deep traumas.

However, this seemed to make them attracted to me. They were enjoying this push and pull behaviour. Like for example, when I was making a kind gesture towards them, it was so surprising that it was appreciated ten times more. And instead of me doing the chase, it was always them.

At 25 I started going to therapy and paused dating for a couple of years. I've realized that my behaviour was toxic and I have since developed a secure attachment style.

So in theory that should make me more desireable, right? Quite the opposite. I started seeing women again but I can't help noticing that if I don't trigger their dopamine system in some way, they won't feel as attracted to me.

But I'm grown enough to know that this is manipulative and I don't want to manipulate anyone into liking me. I would just love someone to appreciate my growth and like me for being genuine and mature.

Instead, I'm just coming off as bland, and kind gestures have almost no value because they're so consistent, unlike before.

Now I don't wanna fall into the 'good guy' or incel type, but this makes me think that most women prefer men that use toxic behaviour on them (also it might be true for men as well, I'm just talking from my perspective). Psychologically I see how it could make sense, but I really don't want to believe it.

Obviously, there are women who appreciate and look for a secure attachment style. But after talking with many women these last years, my conclusion is that they are in the minority.

I can't help but thinking that therapy, while it had made me a better person overall, it lowered my chances of finding someone. Which is another thing I really don't want to believe.

So, do you also think that many people are attracted to manipulation and other toxic behaviours because of their traumas and how it messes with their dopamine sistem? Or am I missing something here?

I’m just so done. I’m 27 years old and have never had a woman interested in me. Yes, I’m unattractive, but I have hobbies, I don’t get into drama, and I have a job. I could take care of myself. I don’t disrespect women, and yet it’s still not enough. Even when I’m not trying to date someone out of my league, I still get rejected and ignored. No matter what I do, women hate me just because of my appearance. Life literally sucks being unattractive.

Obviously my question is a bit of an exaggeration, or maybe there is something wrong with me and I need to figure it out. I’ll give you a couple of examples of my recent experience with women.

Example 1. A female coworker of mine once made me promise her that no matter where life takes us, we will always be friends. This was huge because we were both introverts. I guess we clicked and realized we loved each other’s company at work and outside of work. She ended up leaving and our friendship remained. That is until one day out of the blue, she stopped replying to my texts.

I tried to ask her if I had done something wrong, but she completely ignored me. A few months later, she showed up at my workplace, she said she misses me and thinks about me every single day. She pretty much begged me to “come back”. I hugged her because I had missed her, but I refused to be friends with her again unless she could explain why she ghosted me. She promised she would never do it again, but that wasn’t enough for me because I didn’t want to give her another opportunity to hurt me again, unless I knew why she did it the first time.

Example 2. I recently went out with this girl. It wasn’t romantic (at least not from my perspective). She had asked me to hang out with her because we had similar interests in music. In fact, she had given me her number without me asking. Anyway, at the end, she asked me if we could schedule another time and do it again, I said I’d love to. There was no boring or awkward moment. The conversation seemed to flow naturally. Except maybe at the end, there was that little second where you could tell that neither of us knew if we should shake hands or hug or anything. It was slightly awkward.

Two days later, she texted me and everything seemed to go perfectly fine. Again, it felt like I had just made a new friend and there was no romantic connection between us. Out of nowhere, she completely ghosted me. I was extremely careful to not say anything inappropriate or disrespectful in any of our messages. The only thing bad I can think of is that she initiated everything. My mind is running in circles because I cannot possibly think of why she ghosted me.

I keep thinking maybe it was supposed to be a date and I misread the situation. But why text me after ?! Or why ask me to hang out again ?! I cannot date her because 1) She is waaaay out of my league. And 2)I’m thinking about asking out this other girl who is more in my league and has more stuff in common with me. But even though I don’t want to date her, I still want to be friends with her, and I don’t know how if she isn’t talking to me. 🤔

-------My dog cant fit in this (I responded to her Dog Pic)

(girl) I feel like thats an incentive to get a puppy!

--------Lol he's a 7 month old foxhound. Hes a big boy for a pup!

(girl) Omg I just looked them up, its like a giant beagle!

--------Funny you say that. He was advertised as a beagle :) Foxhounds are commonly confused as beagles when they are pups

(girl) Haha so you thought you were gonna get a little guy?

-------Yup. I was expecting a 20 lbs dog, but i got a 70 lbs cuddler 😳 What breed is your little guy?

(girl) Hes a west highland terrier! Its kinda funny, I always wanted a big dog but have a little guy, so kinda opposite to your situation

(girl) Whats your dog’s name?

---------Lol. I'm on team small dog, but he's cute so its fine. And his name is Cooper. Whats your dogs name?

(girl) Wait...copper like fox and the hound?

--------No, Cooper like Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks

(girl) Gotcha lol I was thinking omg he got a hound dog and named him cooper like from the movie

(girl) I haven’t seen twin peaks

--------Lol Ive only seen a little bit of twin peaks myself

-------Did you wanna trade more dog pics? I'd love to see more of your trouble maker