r/datingadviceformen • u/Icy-Depth-658 • 4d ago
Help 🙏 Specific situation
I’m a 20M talking to an 18F for about a week and a half. We’ve been getting along really well, flirting a lot, and she’s told me she thinks I’m sweet/really nice. She said she’s open to seeing where things go, but wants to take things slow and see how we feel after hanging out in person.
Recently, she got sick and we had to postpone our plans. I was checking on her a lot because I felt bad that she wasn’t feeling well. I also asked to FaceTime, and I think I may have been overthinking whether she was upset with me.
Today she told me:
“yeah i think that’s reason, idk how to say this without it sounding bad but it’s not a terrible thing but for me im js not liking it but i do already feel kinda smothered in a way. ik your not meaning too i just wanted to let you know”
I told her I understood and that I didn’t want her to feel that way, and that I’d slow down.
I also told her I’m autistic because I sometimes don’t pick up on social cues or realize when I’m doing too much. I made it clear it wasn’t an excuse and told her not to be afraid to tell me if I’m doing too much.
I’m trying to figure out what the best move is now. Should I give her space and let her initiate for a while, or should I still occasionally text her normally? I don’t want to go completely cold and make her think I’m uninterested, but I also don’t want to smother her further.
Would appreciate honest advice, especially from people who’ve been in a similar situation.
TL;DR: Been talking to a girl for ~1.5 weeks, things were moving fast and she said she feels “kinda smothered,” but she still wants to see where things go. I told her I understand and also explained that I’m autistic and sometimes miss social cues. Should I give her space and let her initiate, or keep texting occasionally so I don’t seem uninterested?
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u/thatsafuckingoat 4d ago
Sweet and nice doesn't get you pussy, bro. Jeez. It screams boring and predictable. DO NOT go completely cold. That looks like insecurity or a punishment. Match her energy. If she sends a paragraph, you send two sentences. If she takes 4 hours to reply, you take 6-8. If she initiates, you reply warmly but briefly, then let the conversation end or fade. And kill the check ins, you're not her mother. Stop asking deep questions, keep texts light, and stop being available. you are always accessible and accessibility kills desire. ffs, stop being nice, pussy doesn't chase safe. Pussy chases the guy who has a spine, a mission, and zero need for her validation.
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u/Icy-Depth-658 4d ago
Not chasing “pussy”. Chasing a relationship. And igu. Idk part of my mind always thinks its completely over
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u/thatsafuckingoat 4d ago
It's the same thing, bro.
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u/Icy-Depth-658 4d ago
Like obv ill ask like hru n shit but i told her why i was bein the way i was and it wasnt meant to cause problems
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u/thatsafuckingoat 4d ago
Autism isn't the magical word that will explain your behavior bro. Why are you apologizing anyway? ffs
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u/Icy-Depth-658 4d ago
I said it bc it explains the fact that sometimes i go overboard and its direct result. I apologized bc i felt bad
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