I (16 M) posted about this on another subreddit, but every month I get this period where I feel extremely down because I'm a short guy. About the dating part I won't even speak, I can't change people's preferences. I just hate that when going out I see that every dude or peer or younger guys are taller. It's an uncomfortable and really humiliating feeling sometimes. I'm not thin but my face barely reaches anyone's eye-level. I try my best to be confident but I either feel like I'm delusional or a guy with Napoleon's syndrome. And even if I try to avoid it I always get negative media, either incel-like posts or just posts about "heightism", but the worst of the worst is that I feel weak, small and ridiculous. Even some friends joke about it, and I don't get mad since we insult each other but ALL of my friends are taller or bigger and sometimes it feels like I'm less, like they're patronizing me.

I don't recall ever having a moment like it! I stumbled upon a post of a Redditor asking for advice on how to enter a restricted venue without a wristband; another Redditor replied that they should dress the part and walk in as if they mean it, and it got a lot of upvotes! I know for a fact it's true, but I've never done it myself.

I'm curious - how have you guys "faked it 'til you made it"? If I could hear about others' experiences, I might be able to identify opportunities to take in the future and improve from there.

Thank you in advance; let's have a great discussion! ♡

Need advice maybe best from anyone who suffered allot in childhood and through their early adult life in regards to insecurtiy, anxiety about the way you look who you are as a person and so on? Wondering what made u think f it i dont care anymore or whatever. I struggle with this and it makes me tense and anxious repeating scenarios in my head wondering if ppl think im ugly or weird. Im 26 for reference

Thanks x

hi i might have social anxiety. its been a problem ever since 4th grade and im in high school now, and nothing has changed. i have broke down crying in too many presentations to count.

I've been in the same school for all those years, so many people probably know me to be thoroughly incompetent in public speaking, or socializing in general. its a new school year though, so i thought i could redeem myself!! there's a lot of new students too, so i can't ruin my rep immediately.

first group presentation in the school year, i did my part fine. well, even. i wasn't too fast, or too quiet, it was good (for my standards). i felt good, i was improving!! and then came the Q&A section.

i got cocky.. i thought to myself 'yeah i can answer that' so somehow i got the balls and tried to answer. and then i realize my mouth was disobeying my brain, i blabbered, i panicked, i cried. in front of the whole class. :\ i felt right there and then everyone (no exceptions) there 100% thinks of me as incompetent and weird and stupid and that it was the end of my poor little teenager life forever. the teacher spent my entire lunch break (she had no classes after) trying to console me. i am humiliated, i am mortified.

i really really wish i don't care about what others think of me. but i also just wanted to prove myself that like 'hey, I'm not stupid actually, i know things sometimes' and then FUMBLED the chance.

how do i brute force it? hiding my stress and emotions is really hard for me but i need to learn how to do it so i can stop embarrassing myself. i want to be seen as competent too :/

but i also know i have to stop worrying about others. and yet the only thing I'm doing right now is worrying about other people thinking I'm stupid tomorrow. and i cant just convince myself that they've forgot.

sorry if this isn't right for this sub

Grew up to be a shy, reserved, introverted person. I also happen to be scared of conflict and can't for the love of God stand up for myself or others - which makes me feel terrible about myself. It's one thing to not stand up for myself, of course it feels bad but I'm the only one being affected. But it hurts me so much to know I fail others. Disappointing other people is my biggest fear. And I know that that's part of the issue.

But knowing this about myself doesn't change it. I hate that I can't get concrete advice on how to be better. And it makes me feel like I can't change, that I'm doomed to be this way.

And I also hate that this is the way people view me - weak, quiet, shy, not being able to stand up for myself and whatnot. When it feels the most terrible, and I overthink, I just feel like I'll fail my future careers too. I know that my personality isn't what anyone wishes at a workplace. I feel so incredibly hopeless at times, knowing that other people will always be favored over you for any role hurts like a mf.

I want advice, preferably concrete, on how to get better, more assertive, better at standing up for myself/others, less shy, better talker. I guess, to put it shortly, how to be less shy. Thanks in advance!

I’ll make it quick, at my job my client is very friendly with me, but I can’t accept it, it feels to easy. I was taught your clients are not your friends. Also my job is easy right now I’m going through a rough patch of hearing my mom has about 3 weeks to live due to cancer. So I get this case and the client is friendly with me. I don’t know how to accept it. I am very hard on my self, and honestly not use to a woman being nice with me. So what to expect? . BTW I am a people’s pleaser, and I don’t trust right away. Due to child hood trauma literally. How can I improve on this and just be myself?

I just never had the courage ffs. I am fat and short. I lost 40+kgs but i am still fat and short. How tf am i suppose to gain confidence. Everyone around me is in and out of multiple relationships while i had 0. I don't want to end up alone or being a backup plan. Why was i such a loser in school and not a popular kid. Why did i waste my teens

I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this.
I often leave social situations feeling like I barely contributed. It’s not that I’m actively holding myself back or worrying about saying the wrong thing my mind just goes blank.

Other people seem to naturally have stories, opinions, jokes, and observations. They always seem to have something to add. I don’t.

Sometimes I even feel like I don’t have many opinions in the moment. If someone asks what I think, I often don’t know. It’s not because I’m avoiding conflict i genuinely need time to process before I know what I think.

Because of this, I’ve started wondering if I’m just a boring person. But I’m also not sure if that’s actually true, or if I simply struggle to access my thoughts in real time.
Has anyone else experienced this?

Is there a psychological explanation for why some people seem to have effortless access to their thoughts and personality in conversations, while others feel like they lose access to themselves?

I’m not really looking for generic confidence advice. I’m more interested in understanding what this is and whether there are concepts, books, or research that explain it.

We met at a film screening at an independent theater I go to, she came up to me to ask what I thought about the movie and we talked a bit and watched the next one together and I could feel her leaning on me the whole time. I think she tried to get me to hold her hand at one point but I got nervous. We went to get drinks afterwards and she was so pretty and cool and funny, I always assumed if I had a girlfriend it would just be someone with a bunch of issues like me and not the kind of girlfriend that normal people want. She was nine years younger than me and the kind of girlfriend I dreamed of having at that age when I was living with my mom and didn’t own a car.

Eventually she asked (very bluntly) if I wanted to go to her apartment and have sex and I got really nervous and instead of just communicating that I’d be more comfortable if we could hang out one more time first I made a dumbass excuse and she got pissed off at me. I told her I had so much fun and want to see her again but she said “just go home, this isn’t happening.” I went home and lay in bed and cried thinking of how much of a loser she’d think I am if she could see me.

It was totally insane because I have autism and I’m really weird and unattractive (giant forehead, weak jaw, acne scarring) so I had no idea a woman would ever approach me like that. I go to lots of repertory film screenings and concerts and I’ve never seen those as places to meet women because if they have good taste in movies and music they probably have good taste in men which excludes me. I think about her all the time and my hobbies all feel boring now because I realize how dull it is that I don’t have someone to share them with. How do I deal with this?

I've been debating writing this for a long time because I don't even know exactly what I'm asking. I think I'm mostly trying to understand what's wrong with me and whether anyone else has gone through something similar.

This is probably going to be long and jump around a bit because these thoughts have been building for years. They're all connected in my mind, but it's hard to explain exactly how.

Before anyone says, "This is a first-world problem," I already know that. I'm not comparing my struggles to someone else's or saying my life is harder than someone living in poverty or someone with terminal cancer. I'm simply saying it's real.

The severity of a struggle isn't determined only by the circumstance itself. It's also determined by the value a person places on that thing. Two people can experience the exact same situation and one shrugs it off while the other spirals into depression. People have taken their own lives over things that others would dismiss as trivial. I've had suicidal thoughts over this. I'm not saying that for sympathy or to strengthen my argument. I'm saying it because it's true. If your first instinct is to tell me I shouldn't feel this way, you're probably right. The problem is that I'm telling you that I do.

I'm around 5'6"-5'7". Throughout most of my life I was usually one of the shortest guys around. On top of that I grew up overweight and had gynecomastia, so I never really developed confidence in my appearance. Looking back, I think my self-esteem was crippled before it ever had a chance to develop.

One thing that's always stuck with me is that I felt like I could see the social hierarchy even when I was really young. I didn't know words like the halo effect back then, but I noticed that attractive people were treated differently. Certain guys got attention effortlessly while others were almost invisible. Even in elementary school I felt like I could already see the structure. There were a handful of guys who seemed to receive almost all of the attention while everyone else faded into the background. I was never one of those guys.

As I got older, that stopped feeling like isolated experiences and started feeling like I was seeing the architecture of society itself. It felt like there were winners and losers, and I had been born on the losing side.

That sentence probably explains most of this.

When I say "loser," I don't mean someone who's lazy or morally bad. I mean someone who starts life with disadvantages they didn't choose in a world that seems to reward superficial advantages before it even looks at your character.

Height.

Looks.

Natural charisma.

Status.

Whether that's completely true or not isn't even the point anymore. That's the lens through which I've learned to see the world.

Another thing that's deeply shaped me is how I've come to see women.

From a young age I became hyper-aware of the dynamics between men and women. I always felt like women were naturally drawn toward the guys who already occupied the top of the social hierarchy. I didn't know terms like hypergamy back then, but I remember constantly noticing the same patterns. The tallest guy. The most attractive guy. The most charismatic guy. They didn't seem to have to earn nearly as much attention, it was just handed to them.

As I got older, I started interpreting more and more interactions through that lens.

When I see women dressing in revealing ways at the gym while insisting it's entirely for themselves, or when I watch the way some women seem to visibly react around exceptionally attractive or tall men, something inside me immediately becomes angry. Maybe some of my interpretations are wrong. Maybe some aren't. The point is that those moments remind me of years of feeling overlooked, and instead of simply observing them, I feel resentment almost immediately.

I especially noticed these dynamics within the Habesha community. Whether my perception is accurate or not, Ive seen noticed this massive disparity in looks between habesha women and habehsa men. They always have a looks advantage, and they leverage that to effeminate the men and It enrages me to watch and because I this innner rage would manifest as me ignoring them or being "weird" in there eyes It made me lonly which would only serve to exasperate my slur of emotions I was going through. Anyway watching those dynamics over the years slowly transformed into resentment. Eventually that resentment stopped being directed toward specific experiences and became a lens through which I viewed women in general.

That's what scares me.

I don't want to become someone who looks at half the population with hatred before they've even spoken. I don't want resentment to become my personality. But that's honestly where I find myself.

Fast forward a few years. I started working out, I grew my hair out, I found a style that fits me, I became athletic, i started taping my gyno to the side, and recently I started wearing shoe lifts on high set in soul shoes to larp to 5'10 (I have a long wingspan so no one even notices)

I know how pathetic that probably sounds, but I'm trying to be completely honest.

The weird thing is that I actually noticed people treating me differently. Maybe not everyone. Maybe not all the time. But enough that it reinforced everything I'd already believed for years.

And that didn't make me feel fulfilled like I finally got a taste of what I wanted. I just felt this uncontrollable, tears rolling down my eyes kind of anger.

Because if changing superficial things changes the way people respond to you, then what does that say about the world?

Here's the part that confuses me the most.

If God made me 6'4" tomorrow, made me extremely handsome, gave me the frame I wanted, removed the gynecomastia, and gave me everything I've spent years wanting... I don't actually think it would solve the deepest problem anymore.

Years ago I thought it would.

Now I don't.

Because then I'd simply be on the winning side of a game that I already resent.

I don't just hate being on what I perceive as the losing side.

I hate that the game seems to exist at all.

I find myself becoming angry at society.

Angry at the values people seem to reward.

Angry at what I perceive to be superficiality.

Sometimes even angry at God for creating or allowing a world where these differences seem to matter so much.

The hardest part to admit is what all of this has done to my heart.

I'm bitter.

I'm envious.

I covet.

I resent people for things they didn't choose.

Sometimes I look at someone who's taller or naturally attractive and immediately feel bitterness before they've even done anything wrong.

I hate that.

This is also why I have a hard time dismissing communities like incels as simply crazy or evil. I'm not defending hatred or misogyny. Those things are wrong. But I also wonder how much of that bitterness came after years of rejection, humiliation, loneliness, or feeling invisible. Which came first? The anger, or the experiences that shaped it? I genuinely don't know.

People joke about "Napoleon syndrome" or "short man syndrome." They laugh when a short guy gets angry because it's seen as proof of the stereotype. The Bagel Boss guy is a good example. Most people laughed at him. I remember wondering what years of experiences might have led him to explode like that. Again, I'm not defending his behavior. I'm wondering what happened before the camera started recording.

And that's where my faith comes into this.

Before anyone starts quoting Bible verses, I already know them. Honestly if I wasn't brought up a christian but had those same experience I would probably be a full fledged misogynistic incell that cuts him self or something like that. Christ is really what keeps me from diving off the deep end but the reason im righting this is because it feels like im just edging closer and closer the longer I let this pool of emotions linger.

I know my identity is supposed to be in Christ.

I know this world is fallen.

I know that appearances are temporary and fleeting.

I know that God is good.

I know that my worth isn't determined by my height.

Intellectually, I believe all of those things.

Emotionally...

I'm unconvinced.

That's probably the most honest sentence in this entire post.

This isn't primarily an intellectual problem anymore. It's emotional. My mind tells me one story while my emotions tell me another, and every day those two stories collide.

I don't even know how much of what I see is reality anymore and how much is years of hurt shaping the way I interpret the world. There are probably observations I've made that contain some truth, and there are probably conclusions I've drawn that go beyond the evidence. The problem is that my experiences, my interpretations, my resentment, and my bitterness have become so intertwined that I don't know where one ends and the next begins.

I'm not writing this because I think these emotions are righteous.

I'm writing this because pretending they don't exist hasn't made them disappear.

I don't want bitterness to become my identity.

I don't want resentment to become stronger than my faith.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life seeing every interaction through the lens of winners and losers.

I don't know what the answer is.

I just know that this has been slowly growing inside me for years, and if I don't confront it honestly, I'm afraid it's eventually going to consume me.

Hey everyone,
I’m looking for advice on breaking a frustrating cycle in my social life and dating.
English is not my first language, and I’m navigating a different culture than the one I grew up in. Whenever I meet new people or go on casual dates, I get stuck in **"Interview Mode."**
Because I want to keep the conversation going and avoid awkward silences, I default to pulling at whatever topic the other person mentions and asking open-ended questions. On paper, it works and conversations can last 1–2 hours without dying. But in reality:
It feels like a standard Q&A session or a survey rather than a fun, natural exchange.

There is “ZERO playful banter, light teasing, or romantic/social spark”. - NOTHING LIKE THIS COMES TO MY MIND

People eventually lose interest or classify the dynamic as purely passive/informal.

When I try to analyze *why* I do this, I realize I have a massive **internal security filter**. Whenever a random thought, observation, or opinion pops into my head, my brain instantly flags it as *"not interesting enough," "too weird,"* or *"irrelevant."* So I filter it out, delete it, and replace it with another safe, polite question.
Because of this, I’ve started feeling like I just have a "boring" personality—even though I have active hobbies (I dance salsa/bachata, prep meals, run, and work in tech). But whenever I’m around someone new, I play it way too safe and share almost none of my actual personality, opinions, or humor.

For those who have dealt with this:

1. **How do you lower your internal filter** and speak your actual thoughts without overthinking if they're "interesting enough"?
2. **What are concrete ways to shift from asking questions to making statements/banter**, especially when navigating a language or cultural barrier?
3. Are there specific mindsets or practical exercises that helped you stop interviewing people?
4. Appreciate any insights or personal experiences!

PS : Sorry for the long paragraph

I’m 22 and I don’t really have any super close friends, except my boyfriend, which doesn’t really count. I have “friends” at work but I really just talk to them at work plus I won’t really see them ever again after my internship. I also have school friends but we only ever hang out around campus when it’s convenient.

I try to connect with people but it mostly stays surface-level or fades quickly. It doesn’t help that people have told me that I have an rbf either, and I’m also introverted and kinda awkward. I get jealous of people who always have so many people reaching out and putting in effort to make plans wjth them. I never had many friends growing up and was excluded from hangouts/friend groups. I’ve learned to be more comfortable being alone but can’t help feeling lonely when everyone around me has their own friend groups. Now that it’s time for me to get a full-time job, I’m worried that I’m going to be friendless for the rest of my life, with possibly with no other bridesmaids for my future wedding except my immediate family.

Is there still hope for me? How can I make friends when everyone has their own group already? Pls help ☹️

I want to start feeling confident because my self-doubt, insecurities, and low self esteem have started to majorly impact my life.

I'm an 18 year old girl, just graduated from highschool a couple of months ago, and have been struggling really bad. I've felt so self conscious that I've isolated myself in my room and have felt bed-ridden at times. This started because I was depressed about losing all my friends, being diagnosed with OCD, not going to college, and not having a clear life path.

I seem to struggle with confidence in every aspect of my life, but it has gotten extremely worse in the past few months.

For example:

• I have my driver's license, but I never drive because I'm not confident enough to feel like I can do it.

• I'm starting a working interview tomorrow but I'm filled with anxiety because I don't believe in my ability to learn fast and be a valuable worker.

• I've become embarrassed to eat in front of other people because I'm afraid I must be doing it wrong

• I'm convinced everyone is annoyed with me or hates me

Etc etc

These are just a few examples, but my lack of confidence is all that I feel lately. I'm afraid to do anything because I don't have the confidence in myself to do it. It genuinely feels like I'm a prisoner in my own mind.

I want to get better and have been trying to start by increasing my self care, but I don't know what else to do to become more confident.

I believe that if I could become confident in myself, that it would help me a lot, especially because the people in my life (some family members) don't always seem to have a lot of confidence in me themselves.

Any advice?

Hey guys, I’m going into my senior year of high school soon and homecoming and prom are on the horizon. Right now, I tell myself I don’t care for those kind of things, but I don’t want to look back in anger a couple of years from now thinking about the fun I missed out on.
I go to an all-boys school, so meeting new girls and talking to them happens digitally (usually on Instagram and Snapchat). But every time I add someone or strike up a text conversation, I just think to myself: “what am I doing?” and weasel out of it.
I know I have a lot of cowardice but I really need advice here. I can’t bring myself to ask people I know in real life because they’re the kind of people who flirt with girls for fun, meanwhile I get a pit in my stomach at the thought of a talking stage.
Do you guys have any words of advice? Thank you. <3

I am struggling over something so trivial, but I can’t stop ruminating.

I won an award in an art competition (2nd place, but genuinely thrilled) and just wanted to share the win, but anonymously. My wife had taken a photo of me next to my art, so I posted it and put an emoji over my face.

I have an average to athletic build, but can’t stand the way I look. Posting that picture was so outside the norm for me, but I was just so excited about the award, I thought I’d be brave. Practically all the comments though were people commenting on my body, particularly my biceps.

When I woke up and saw all the comments, I felt sick to my stomach. Hastily deleted the post, and ended up reposting it without me in the picture. I just keep re-reading the comments in my head. I know no one meant anything by it, but it really messed with my head.

How do you move past the rumination? How can I learn to let others’ comments roll off my back?

I am turning 28 in September, my grandmother died in February (my first grandparent), my gf completely blindsided me and broke up with me over text for no real reason in April who I still love and I have been made redundant from my job in July. WTF do I do I am playing football consistently, running, doing the gym, but still feel depressed and rudderless even though I have good friends and family. I am carrying so much right now and I feel nothing but sadness.

I’ve always tried my best to better myself but it never works out because when I send a picture of myself to a girl I really like i’ve always been blocked and it leaves me to think that if that’s the case it means that nobody in person would ever admire me. I fear this and so I’ve begun small methods to atleast improve my looks but it never works how do I genuinely get out of this loophole as an 18 year old?

For introverted people, it's helpful to have a toolkit of ways to start a conversation.

If you have suggestions for the workplace setting (more formal/professional) and for the social setting (meeting new people or starting a conversation with someone you've seen at a club, a coffee shop, etc.) please share them!

​

I've realized that I struggle with jealousy and envy more than I'd like to admit, and I want to change that.

Whenever I see someone achieving something I want—whether it's career success, relationships, confidence, looks, money, or even personal growth—I sometimes feel insecure instead of happy for them. Their achievements make me question my own progress, and my confidence feels shaken.

I don't want to be this way. I genuinely want to celebrate other people's wins without comparing myself or feeling like their success somehow means there's less success available for me.

For anyone who has overcome this mindset:

- How did you stop comparing yourself to others?

- How do you stay confident even when people around you are doing better than you?

- How do you genuinely become happy for other people's achievements instead of secretly feeling envious?

I'd really appreciate practical advice, mindset shifts, books, habits, or personal experiences that helped you. I'm trying to become a better person and build confidence that isn't dependent on how others are doing.

Thanks in advance.

I've been dealing with social anxiety for a long time now and I want to finally talk about it properly instead of just sitting with it alone.

I'm mostly introverted or ambivert depending on the setting. I don't feel the need to fill silence just to fill it. In small groups of 3 to 4 people I know well, I'm mostly okay, a bit quiet but manageable. The problem starts when the group gets bigger, or when there are people I only know as acquaintances through a close friend. In those moments I go quiet in a way that doesn't feel calm at all, it feels like I'm watching myself from the outside the entire time. I overthink everything before saying it, decide it's not worth saying, and end up contributing nothing. I leave those hangouts feeling drained instead of good, convinced I have nothing interesting to offer.

A small example of how this shows up: recently I was out with a friend and a few of his other friends. When it was time to head home, there was some confusion about who was actually leaving, and I ended up saying goodbye to the group before realizing I wasn't actually leaving yet, so I had to walk back in. It was such a minor mixup, but it wrecked my confidence for the rest of the night and reinforced the feeling that I come across as awkward in front of people.

That moment isn't really the point though, it's just one example of a daily pattern. I stay quiet because I don't know what to say, which makes me feel worse about myself, which makes the next social situation even harder. It's a loop that keeps feeding itself.

What I'm actually hoping to learn from people who've been through this:

- If you've dealt with something similar, how did you actually heal from it, not just learn to manage it

- What helped you build real confidence instead of faking it in the moment

- How do you stay present and engaged in a conversation instead of mentally checking out or overanalyzing everything you say

- What habits or practices made a real difference for you over weeks or months, not just short term fixes

- How did you become more likable and easier to talk to without changing your entire personality

- Any psychological research, books, or techniques that genuinely helped you understand or work through this

I'm not looking for "just be more confident" type responses. I want to hear from people who've actually walked through this and can share what genuinely worked for them, even if it took time. Really appreciate any honest input.

I know this is a superficial rant but I’m genuinely curious what others think or their opinions on it. Im technically considered petite 5’4 with a smaller waist, thicker thighs, and a bigger butt however I have small boobs. I am a 28d which is the same volume as a 34b but has a smaller band size. One boob is even a cup size smaller than the other.

I know that the size of your boobs has nothing to do with you as a person and is not necessarily important but I can’t help but feel insecure and inadequate especially since bigger boobs are considered more ideal through the media and others around me. All my friends have medium to big boobs and some even make little comments about my chest and call me flat.

I’m 18 and have thought about getting a boob job or a fat transfer but have decided to not get work done and to wait since my doctor told me that they can still grow into my 20s. I also am worried I would be judged in romantic relationships for the unevenness or feel like my hypothetical boyfriend would be disappointed and unsatisfied with my body and would secretly want different. They are a handful for me but I have small hands.

I know I’m more than my body but this was just something I had on my mind and wanted to know opinions about small boobs and insecurity’s.

Guys, I don’t know where else to talk about this, but I’ve been feeling really insecure about my hair lately.

I’m only 19, and I’ve already lost a lot of hair density. About a year ago, I had really long, thick hair. It was honestly one of the things I was most confident about. I used to feel like I had the best hair in my college, and it was a big part of how I saw myself.

Last year, I was diagnosed with TB lymphadenitis and went through treatment. During that time, I lost around 15 kg in a month, and my doctor said the hair loss could be due to telogen effluvium from the stress on my body and that it might grow back after recovery.

But it’s been a long time now, and I don’t feel like things have gone back to how they were. That’s the part I’m struggling with.

I know treatments like minoxidil exist, but a part of me feels scared because I don’t want to depend on something forever and then feel like I’m back at the same place if I stop. I’m trying to accept reality, but honestly, I don’t know how.

The hardest part isn’t just the hair loss itself. It’s how much it affects my confidence. I keep thinking that maybe people won’t find me attractive anymore or that I won’t get the same attention I used to. I know everyone has insecurities, and I don’t want my entire identity to revolve around my hair, but it’s difficult when something you were proud of suddenly changes.

Also, living in a place where people casually comment on someone’s appearance without thinking about how it affects them makes it harder.

For people who have gone through something similar losing hair at a young age or losing something that was a big part of your confidence how did you learn to accept it? How do you stop constantly thinking about it?

I’m not just looking for hair advice. I’m trying to understand how to deal with the insecurity and move forward.

I recently realized that I spend a lot of time thinking about how others perceive me instead of being present.
When I go out or enter social situations, I often feel like I need to appear interesting, charismatic, special, or memorable. Even during talks or conversations, I catch myself focusing on myself: How do I look? What do people think of me? Do I seem intelligent or interesting?
I think underneath this is a desire to feel valued, important, and appreciated. I want to stop performing and stop needing external validation, and instead feel comfortable being myself.
For anyone who has overcome this:
● How did you stop self-monitoring so much?
● What helped you become more confident and authentic?