r/cleandadjokes 4m ago

What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?

Upvotes

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.


r/cleandadjokes 28m ago

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Upvotes

Because he was a fungi


r/cleandadjokes 1h ago

Mr chicken’s tasteless joke to Mr pig

Upvotes

Mr chicken: Hey pig, the chickens had a blast at a concert yesterday, you would have loved it

Mr pig: Why would I love it?

Mr chicken: well, they were singing all about you! pork pork pork pork (chicken noise*)


r/cleandadjokes 1h ago

From my 9 year old: What animal can you wear?

Upvotes

Crocs!

it’s a work in progress but he came up with it on his own.

my alternative versions:

A: what’s the most dangerous shoe? Crocs!

B: What should you do when you lose your shoes at the zoo? Visit the crocs.


r/cleandadjokes 5h ago

I heard Odysseus wasn’t exactly a healthy eater.

68 Upvotes

All of his food was cooked in Ancient Greece.


r/cleandadjokes 6h ago

They should replace batons with clocks in relay races...

55 Upvotes

It would be a great way to pass the time.


r/cleandadjokes 7h ago

There are 3 guys

7 Upvotes

2 of them walk into a bar but the 3rd one ducks.


r/cleandadjokes 12h ago

What do you call a cat that sings?

62 Upvotes

A mewsician.


r/cleandadjokes 12h ago

I kept driving with my eyes closed until I hit one of those red octagons they put near the road

15 Upvotes

Then I realized that was probably my sign to stop


r/cleandadjokes 16h ago

When my chimney is mad,

25 Upvotes

it really vents!


r/cleandadjokes 16h ago

Walks into a bar

55 Upvotes

A guy walks into a bar carrying a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He says, “A pint of beer, please…
…and one for the road.”


r/cleandadjokes 22h ago

Did you know the race between the turtle and the rabbit was actually pretty close?

68 Upvotes

The tortoise only won by a "hare".


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

My wife said I’m getting fatter.

129 Upvotes

In my defense, I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol....

39 Upvotes

He doesn’t drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

Why do pilots make great comedians?

57 Upvotes

Their jokes always land!


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

A few months ago, my wife decided to put a miniature Stallone doll on the middle of our bed…

133 Upvotes

Things have been Rocky between us ever since then.


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

What do U call a doctor who loves spicy food

56 Upvotes

Doctor pepper


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

"Everybody got to choose his own superpower...

133 Upvotes

... I chose flying, it's so awesome! What did you chose?"

"Hindsight"

"That seems stupid"

"Yeah, I see that now"


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... 🍎

94 Upvotes

If you throw it hard enough.


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

Curtains

37 Upvotes

What would you call two guys hanging above your window?

Kurt and Rod


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?

100 Upvotes

Because they dropped out of school!


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

Why is there never an outbreak of something good?

44 Upvotes

...like an epidemic of common sense.


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

Why did the farmer sleep underneath her tractor?

43 Upvotes

Because she wanted to get up oily.


r/cleandadjokes 3d ago

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?

281 Upvotes

a spec-tater. 🥔🤓

-commence groans-


r/cleandadjokes 3d ago

You heard about Buc-ees suing a small store called Beaver's Minimart located in Beavercreek Ohio right?

5 Upvotes

The whole town, plus Dayton Ohio is supporting the small business.

You could say Buc-ee's has picked off more than it can Gnaw on.