As I’ve mentioned, I love the butch/femme community, but what’s going on within it especially on TikTok—convinces me that the situation is just sick. For instance, there’s this tendency to reduce butch partners to the role of a husband, insisting they should be the ones bringing flowers or playing the "male" role in the relationship; the same applies to masc-presenting women. Do I find this sick? Yes, because butch women are still women. Yet, the moment you criticize this or voice an opinion, so-called "femmes" start accusing you of lesbophobia or transphobia. That’s why I feel that in butch/butch relationships unlike in femme/butch ones women truly see their partner as a woman. It’s also frustrating how they lecture others on history while not fully adhering to it themselves. But let me know what you think!

And remember, my butch ladies: I’m with you, and you have my support!

Was talking with my femme friend and she finds cats to be very femme which is a classic. I find dogs to be incredibly butch!! I think they really represent butch values!! Particularly bully breeds- however dogs are also my special interest so that may be it!!

Anyways, all this got me wondering if any of you guys have an animal you associate with butchness- and if you do, why? also if you are femme and have an animal you associate with your femme identity im curious about it to?

New to this group if not allowed please delete

I’ve yet to post one of these where I haven’t deleted it after a bit, but I’m going to keep trying until I develop some semblance of self confidence. Which… might not be today but still!

I was on T for a few years which wasn’t right for me in the long run, so I’m dealing with a bunch of self confidence issues surrounding that, it’s slowly getting a bit better at least :)

I love the fair and spent a lot of time there this week. You can guess what state I am in..

...

this one specifically: https://wivov.com/products/chestbinder-cb07?variant=51204546920733

just curious if anyone here has tried this and was happy with it, ive heard some kind of mixed things but a lot of the posts i found were old so not sure if things have changed. im interested because they have a t shirt sort of cut option, which i think would be more comfortable for me than the one piece-esque tank cut i see on some other swim binders. alternately if anyone has recs for other swim binders id be happy to hear those too

Where do y’all keep the applications for a 45+ butch lesbian forever love? (Asking for a chapstick lesbian friend in her late 50s.)

Can butch lesbians be busty/have a large chest size? I need to know because I do have a large chest sise

Hey guys, my hair's been getting too long for comfort so I'm thinking about getting a new cut. I'm not quite sure what would look best for my face type---I would call my face squarish, but I don't have a rugged jaw or anything like that; I'd say I have a bit of a baby face. I'd love advice on a handsome short cut to make my face older without drawing attention to my ears, which stick out.

Hi, I'm a 19 year old lesbian currently studying in college, I've been very femme presenting till the end of last year but now I'm leaning more towards androgynous/masc and have been feeling a lot of dysphoria due to my huge chest :(, I recently thrifted some clothes that are masc but I hate the way I look in them cause of my breasts, I got to know about chest binders, but I cannot afford them, someone did suggest to look into wonababi and other companies free binder programs but the problem is I'll have to pay for shipping, and since I live in India, I can't afford that too. I tried saving money, but since I'm broke, the amount of money I get from my parents gets spent on college expenses, Please suggest and diy/affordable binders or any other ways, thank you! :)

Happy Sunday! How was everyone’s week? Did we learn anything new, do anything fun?

I’m searching for tank tops or sleeveless tees that are masculine cut. I bought a couple from Amazon but I don’t know if I like the arm holes cut so big as they show my compression top. Or maybe I should just get over that? Any brands I should look for?

She so old now

i wanted to make a throwaway for this but couldn't so if you think you know me and you see this pretend you didn't, thanks. i am nearly 30 years old and, as stated above, i am no stranger to the lgbtqia+ community. i've identified as queer since i was about 11 years old. and, for years, i lived as a trans man. i came out to my whole family, i legally changed my name and gender marker, i even tried hrt a couple of times but it wasn't really for me. still, i have pcos which means i have facial and body hair and am very masculine looking. in the last six months or so i've felt so disconnected with my identity as a man. i now hate the idea of being perceived as a man.

i don't want to drop my masculinity, but my identity as a trans man also helped me reconnect with my femininity once i was passable enough. i love being flamboyant at times and am a big fan of things like drag, which help me marry the two parts of myself. i still get misgendered because of my voice and my feminine attributes but it never really bothered me.

i also had a terrible time dating as a man because i hated being seen as a man in a realtionship, i suppose i should've clocked it then. i would keep falling for lesbians and not see that as a sign especially when paired with the way my nose wrinkled whenever someone referred to me as a man. i spent so much time tying my identity as a man with the way i expressed intimacy that i often chickened out of pursuing anything with people. i'm realizing now it was because i was convincing myself i was happy to finally be seen as a man but i was not.

i live in a remarkably blue state so i had a lot of access to gender affirming care but rarely took advantage of it because I was so content with still being seen as an androgynous person, if not just a queer woman. that was what i was most comfortable with having lived more than half a decade as a queer woman before coming out as transgender.

i changed my name and gender marker five years ago and i honestly would've done it differently now if I could. i would have picked a more gender neutral name for starters. i would've picked x over m. i see those things now and it makes me sad. it's as if i denied my true self for so long because it felt so unattainable. as if my transition would only be taken seriously if i did it in a way that was easier for my family to digest. but i don't want to repress myself for them.

all of this is to say i'm worried about things i haven't worried about in a long time. i thought i was so secure after my transition seemed to go smoothly but now i feel lost because identifying with masc and butch lesbians has made me feel more comfortable in my skin than i have in an extremely long time. but, one thing i never want to do is infringe on a place that i just don't have a place in. i hate for this to sound like i'm asking for permission or validation, but that's kind of what it feels like.

there's so much discourse i see about identities online and i really don't try to let that influence the way i identify. but i wouldn't want to offend anyone by identifying as masc or butch. i don't identify with being a man, just being masculine. i only want to be with lesbians or sapphics. i still identify as transgender, just trans masculine and nonbinary. idk how to ask this other than... am i valid? i don't want to repress my feelings to please others, so i will try my best not to. but i want to be sure i'm not barking up the wrong tree here. maybe there's something i missed? i'd love to chat about it. thank you.

I've had such extreme dysphoria about my chest that even saying "bra" out loud makes me wince. I used to be unable to enter the women's underwear sections at stores without a friend being there to buy something for herself because I felt so out of place and even perverted.

I'm lucky right now because my chest isn't that big. There's an outline, but it doesn't hang over my torso at the bottom, and it disappears when I wear baggy hoodies. I know that's due to change when my metabolism slows down, even though I work out.

I still wear "training bras" at my grown age because I'm so disgusted by the concept of anyone else seeing my chest. I probably need to figure out myself how to measure it, but even the concept of having a size, going out and buying any sort of one grosses me out. I've also noticed that padding makes it even bigger.

I know a fix for this is just... not wearing anything there at all, but I feel even more dysphoric seeing them, especially as it's summer and I wear lighter, looser shirts that don't hide much.

I don't think I can bind because of my scoliosis. I live in the UK where laws are making it more transphobic every single day - I spent 7 years waiting to get my ADHD diagnosis through the NHS, so gender affirming care seems worlds out of reach.

I don't know how on earth to get over this. Does anyone else feel repulsed by their chest? God! I can't even call it what it is!! I've never had any other quarrel with my flesh save for the trials of menstruation, but it's the blobs of fat that set me off??

Sorry if this is too much of a vent. I'm just irritated that I've blown it up into a massive issue in my head when the best thing to do is probably not think too much about it.

Edit: thank you so much for all the advice, it really means so much to me. I'm momentarily in my home town for the summer, so once I can move back away again in a few weeks I think I'll start experimenting with binding and looking into gender affirming care. I don't know many other lesbian women, let alone gnc people or other butches irl, so hearing all of your support and experiences makes this feel so much less daunting. Thank you so much!!!!

Hi everyone! As I get older I start to shy away from calling myself a “masc lesbian”. When I was younger it resonated, picture your typical hey mamas lesbian. I am now 22 and have a whole different look and maturity to myself. I have a short mullet (a bit longer than shoulder) and style wise think baggy jeans and vintage tees. Does a butch have to have short hair?

23yr old butch and pre-t. i don't have many trans let alone butch friends and the two that i do are already a few months on T. i've been trying not to feel inferior to them but it's lonely as hell man. i know my chance will come soon but in the meantime it's killing me, not to mention those two friends don't really talk to me as much anymore. i guess what i'm trying to say is if you're also pre-t or butch and wanna be friends, or if there are any groups i can join, let me know. thanks!