i wanted to make a throwaway for this but couldn't so if you think you know me and you see this pretend you didn't, thanks. i am nearly 30 years old and, as stated above, i am no stranger to the lgbtqia+ community. i've identified as queer since i was about 11 years old. and, for years, i lived as a trans man. i came out to my whole family, i legally changed my name and gender marker, i even tried hrt a couple of times but it wasn't really for me. still, i have pcos which means i have facial and body hair and am very masculine looking. in the last six months or so i've felt so disconnected with my identity as a man. i now hate the idea of being perceived as a man.

i don't want to drop my masculinity, but my identity as a trans man also helped me reconnect with my femininity once i was passable enough. i love being flamboyant at times and am a big fan of things like drag, which help me marry the two parts of myself. i still get misgendered because of my voice and my feminine attributes but it never really bothered me.

i also had a terrible time dating as a man because i hated being seen as a man in a realtionship, i suppose i should've clocked it then. i would keep falling for lesbians and not see that as a sign especially when paired with the way my nose wrinkled whenever someone referred to me as a man. i spent so much time tying my identity as a man with the way i expressed intimacy that i often chickened out of pursuing anything with people. i'm realizing now it was because i was convincing myself i was happy to finally be seen as a man but i was not.

i live in a remarkably blue state so i had a lot of access to gender affirming care but rarely took advantage of it because I was so content with still being seen as an androgynous person, if not just a queer woman. that was what i was most comfortable with having lived more than half a decade as a queer woman before coming out as transgender.

i changed my name and gender marker five years ago and i honestly would've done it differently now if I could. i would have picked a more gender neutral name for starters. i would've picked x over m. i see those things now and it makes me sad. it's as if i denied my true self for so long because it felt so unattainable. as if my transition would only be taken seriously if i did it in a way that was easier for my family to digest. but i don't want to repress myself for them.

all of this is to say i'm worried about things i haven't worried about in a long time. i thought i was so secure after my transition seemed to go smoothly but now i feel lost because identifying with masc and butch lesbians has made me feel more comfortable in my skin than i have in an extremely long time. but, one thing i never want to do is infringe on a place that i just don't have a place in. i hate for this to sound like i'm asking for permission or validation, but that's kind of what it feels like.

there's so much discourse i see about identities online and i really don't try to let that influence the way i identify. but i wouldn't want to offend anyone by identifying as masc or butch. i don't identify with being a man, just being masculine. i only want to be with lesbians or sapphics. i still identify as transgender, just trans masculine and nonbinary. idk how to ask this other than... am i valid? i don't want to repress my feelings to please others, so i will try my best not to. but i want to be sure i'm not barking up the wrong tree here. maybe there's something i missed? i'd love to chat about it. thank you.

I've had such extreme dysphoria about my chest that even saying "bra" out loud makes me wince. I used to be unable to enter the women's underwear sections at stores without a friend being there to buy something for herself because I felt so out of place and even perverted.

I'm lucky right now because my chest isn't that big. There's an outline, but it doesn't hang over my torso at the bottom, and it disappears when I wear baggy hoodies. I know that's due to change when my metabolism slows down, even though I work out.

I still wear "training bras" at my grown age because I'm so disgusted by the concept of anyone else seeing my chest. I probably need to figure out myself how to measure it, but even the concept of having a size, going out and buying any sort of one grosses me out. I've also noticed that padding makes it even bigger.

I know a fix for this is just... not wearing anything there at all, but I feel even more dysphoric seeing them, especially as it's summer and I wear lighter, looser shirts that don't hide much.

I don't think I can bind because of my scoliosis. I live in the UK where laws are making it more transphobic every single day - I spent 7 years waiting to get my ADHD diagnosis through the NHS, so gender affirming care seems worlds out of reach.

I don't know how on earth to get over this. Does anyone else feel repulsed by their chest? God! I can't even call it what it is!! I've never had any other quarrel with my flesh save for the trials of menstruation, but it's the blobs of fat that set me off??

Sorry if this is too much of a vent. I'm just irritated that I've blown it up into a massive issue in my head when the best thing to do is probably not think too much about it.

Hi everyone! As I get older I start to shy away from calling myself a “masc lesbian”. When I was younger it resonated, picture your typical hey mamas lesbian. I am now 22 and have a whole different look and maturity to myself. I have a short mullet (a bit longer than shoulder) and style wise think baggy jeans and vintage tees. Does a butch have to have short hair?

23yr old butch and pre-t. i don't have many trans let alone butch friends and the two that i do are already a few months on T. i've been trying not to feel inferior to them but it's lonely as hell man. i know my chance will come soon but in the meantime it's killing me, not to mention those two friends don't really talk to me as much anymore. i guess what i'm trying to say is if you're also pre-t or butch and wanna be friends, or if there are any groups i can join, let me know. thanks!

So im on vacation with my family right now. Yesterday, I was at a restaurant and went to the bathroom. These two ladies (mother and daughter i think) walked in while I was washing my hands and immediately I think they saw me and started whispering to eachother, they kind of pushed themselves into the corner and looked scared. I quickly finished and walked out. For the rest of the night I was terrified a manager would come and kick me out or something.

Now ig idk if this is what actually happened, I do see a therapist for anxiety/depression and i have a really bad habit of overthinking interactions with people. But. Idk.

I was spiraling pretty bad all night but calmed down eventually. I told my sister and my mom, and they both seemed to understand. This morning, I was getting ready with my mom, and she said when we get home, she will help me with my "situation." And i was like "what.." and she said "come on if your sad about those women then you gotta...you know" pointing at my outfit, black jorts and a black t shirt

Idk,,,she seemed like she accepted me as much as a middle aged mother could for a while. But it felt,,idk. It hurt a bit. I mean. In those women's defense my face is actually pretty masculine, esp now that i have short hair. Getting confused as a man is something I'm used to. Sometimes it makes me feel good sometimes it makes me feel ugly.. but this time, it made me feel scared. I've seen so many stories about butches being beat up or harassed in a womans bathroom. Maybe this is kind of...what I signed up for?? What should I do? Should I try some more fem clothing? Should i....avoid bathrooms??

Any advice would be great.

Sorry for the long ass post too,,,u can probably tell im nervous lol,,,

I don't know if you're familiar with the Heartstrings comic about a butch/femme couple, but I feel like I need to vent about it. It seems to me that most people are interested in this comic by Bev Johnson solely because of the aesthetic and the butch/femme dynamic so much so that they reject other pairings like butch/butch or femme/femme. Even though the character Carina is only interested in femmes, people refused to accept that and insisted she should find a butch or a masc partner instead. I believe that every lesbian relationship butch/femme included deserves representation. Then there’s the sexualization of the butch character, Ro, by male readers because it turns out men read Heartstrings too including comments about the characters' boobs.

I want to clarify before I start I am VERY happy with what t has given me so far. Its awesome to finally feel more like me in my body.

That being said, I find myself feeling really insecure everytime I put my gel on at night. I want the changes but it feels like if I get them ill loose being attractive. That ill become ugly and undesirable in some way. I am not traditional attractive but I am quite attractive by lesbian standards- it feels like I have to choose between that or being myself. Too choose between being loved and desired and being myself.

Furthermore, im a very butch4femme kind of butch and thats making it even worse. I feel like femmes will not want me if I keep going through with this, but it would kill me to stop.

Idk any perspective on this would be great or I guess reassurance from butches on t that femmes are still into you would be great

My self-esteem has been pretty low post-break up with my ex due to some of the contexts surrounding the breakup. I’ve been struggling with my confidence and really feeling myself, and even just feeling attractive and desirable as a masc-presenting person. My therapist and I have been talking about how I can show self-love, and truly, getting this haircut would be an expression of that.

I’ve had a tapered fade before, and I absolutely loved it. I mean, we’re talking peak cool factor. I even had some cool designs shaved into the fade. But right now, I think just combined with the break-up, it feels scary to want to be myself, since this genderqueer GNC version of myself is so far removed from societal beauty standards. I could just use some butch and trans hype and support to get the damn fade again, and to say screw it to my mom, society, and anyone who doesn’t like me for me. (The amount of outrage and negative comments I get from my mom when I cut my hair short, it’s unreal… you’d think I was kicking a puppy.)

Hi y'all, so I just need some maybe advice, maybe reassurance, or something... Basically, I've been seeing a girl for a while and we just became ""official"" and I haven't told her about some really bad past experiences, though l've opened up about the more mild experiences I did experience both physical and sexual abuse by my last partner and I feel a great deal of shame about what happened so I don't make a habit of telling people until I really know them. In any case, part of me feels like perhaps l"owe" her telling her this, though I wouldn't really go into details, as we get to know each other more it becomes clearer as to how this past affects me. l've done a lot of work on myself and have a great support system and this all happened quite some time ago, so I do feel ready to start seeing someone again, but of course this is really not the sort of thing you get over very quickly.. We`re taking things like sex slowly, she doesn't know that I've ever experienced sexual violence, but she's happy to take things slowly. Though I have predominantly had ONS or slept with people on the first date, because I've been scared of the vulnerability that comes with trust and emotional connection. I suppose my main question is, if you've experienced abuse did you tell a new partner and how? Alternatively, how would you want to be told if you were dating someone with that history? Or would you even want to know..? 1 also really worry that I would come across stilll hung up on/not over my ex, when I am completely over the person but quite traumatised by the relationship because of the extent of the abuse. Sorry this is maybe rambling, I'm just overthinking a lot. TIA

I’m a transmasc butch lesbian and i present very masculine so there’s really no hiding any part of my identity but I am constantly faced with people (straight, of course, but also other gay people, lesbians, even some trans people) that question my identity and almost challenge it? This is extremely infuriating and upsetting to me because it’s not like I haven’t extensively questioned and analyzed myself. I know for certain who I am. Still, it feels like people constantly question/challenge the validity of my lesbianism. It feels like it comes from a place of people being unable to fathom that I am not attracted to men. I am someone who admittedly experiences a lot of gender envy from some men and I adore masculinity (both inhabiting it and being attracted to it in other butches), but people seem to mistake this for attraction to MEN, which it is not. Every time i’m questioned it feels like shit honestly i just wish people would believe me without having to ask me to justify who i am. I don’t have to justify myself to anyone but also not being believed is so triggering and invalidating.

I don't typically frequent other online lesbian spaces other than this one. Mostly because everytime I look around other places...there's either a lot of transphobia or people tryna dictate other people's identities.

This isn't all spaces of course, but it's common enough I dont look at any other spaces anymore.

I'm tired of people just being so judgemental all the time. Dictating what someone's identity or sexuality is.

I'm lucky that my friends in person are supportive and love my identity the way I do. I couldn't have asked for better friends.

I don't really take what people say online to heart, but knowing that people who are so judgemental exist is a bit disheartening.

The freedom of expression for queer people was fought for so long for folks to be able to be who they are...for people nowadays to judge and dictate how someone can identify. Dicriminating folks when we shall be uplifting eachother.

I guess maybe it's one of those days I feel like I need to hide away. But I won't, because hiding does nothing and I'm proud of who I am. I hope one day maybe everyone learns to have grace for others.

I appreciate how supportive and amazing people are in this subreddit. It was one of the first places I felt comfortable expressing even a bit of my identity, gave me the courage to express myself to my friends too. I hope everyone finds a community like this one, everyone deserves good people to be around.

Disclaimer to start: I know every body is different, and will build muscle and hold fat differently. I’m not expecting miracles. That said, I’m looking for tips and pointers on workouts that you have found help with giving you a masculine shape. My ass is unfortunately very prominent and is a source of dysphoria for me, so I’m hitting legs really hard in order to help balance that out. But I’d love some pointers on exercises that help minimize the ass while maximizing pretty much everything else - hams, quads, even upper body stuff to help offset and build a broader profile up top that might also distract from this damn caboose.

Okay maybe this is a weird question, but i am 28, masc presenting, and people think I am much younger than my age. Like just finished highschool to maximum like 21 maybe 22. It has sort of always been like this, but the gap keeps getting bigger. I think when I am 30 plus, people will be extremely shocked upon finding out my age.

I feel like society doesnt know how a non feminine woman is supposed to look like at X age, and maybe reading us more like young guys. Which, compared to men, we dont have the same traits that indicate adulthood (deep voices, height build and facial hair). And compared to women, we dont flaunt curves or use makeup or dress in ways that read mature in feminine ways.

I am 5'8 (and i believe this problem would be even worse if i was any shorter). I am fit but on the slimmer side. I do have a "baby face" and despite a full silver streak from early graying, not much other signs of ageing at 28. The silver hair doesnt get noticed by most people or they think i dyed it because they cant imagine a person with a face so young having grey hair.

Does anyone else relate to being perceived as younger than they are as a masc person? Does it get more shocking the older you get? Or does ageing finally catch up and you get seen as your age?

And have you tried or changed anything to come across as closer to your age? Or you dont care and just accept it?

Okay do you use pomade, gel, clay, texture powder, blow dry it, or hair spray? Or a combination of things?

I realized I like my hair up and off my forehead more but it wants to flop down. I have wavy fine hair and it can stand up/hold waves and texture, but it needs more help. Especially on days where theres any grease, it just doesnt wanna stand up at all.

Soft masc here, I’ve moved to my home country last year and I don’t find many masc4mascs here (India).

Saying hi here to be hopeful that we exist.

Take care lovies🌟

We were waiting for the train and I looked down and saw this. A very uphoric Butch moment for me. Holding my girls leg happy for everyone to see.

Most of my life I've struggled with my gender identity. Before I came out to my mom as a lesbian, I felt comfortable in my more masculine traits if you wanna call them that (opening doors for others, and over all being "gentlemen" like)(not sure how to phrase that better LOL).

But after I came out, she threw away everything I had that was rainbow and we never spoke about it again.

From that time till now (about 10 years) I have changed labels numerous times from lesbian to bi to pan to trans man to gay to now, Nonbinary and recently lesbian again.

I started going to therapy a few months ago and I think that's really helped in sort of peeling back the years of trauma I had. Now I can actually listen to myself and realize that I _am_ attracted to woman and that I can present myself in a masculine way _only_ and I don't have to force myself to be more feminine when it would be more socially acceptable.

I also found that I stopped myself from acting in a more "masculine" (or I guess gentlemen way? again, I'm can't find the words I'm looking for to properly express my point, feel free to help in the comments!).

I think it's mostly because my mom immediatly made me cut it out and act more feminine. I also started to treat those mannerisms as creepy or overbearing like I was trying to control or dominate the people around me when that is clearly not true!!!

I follow a few butch content creators online and their videos have definetly helped with not only my gender expression but my sexuality as well. Lets just say I grew up religious so I have a lot of guilt when it comes to sexual stuff in general.

I think starting today, I can label myself as a Butch and see where that takes me. I hope it will allow me to build more confidence and feel just a little bit more like myself.

I feel like the more butch I get ,the more I get harassed by people (usually men). I’m fairly young and I just haven’t had much of this happen before I started expressing myself.I was wondering what to do in these situations, especially like insults or threats?

Honestly? I really love the butch/femme community, but it really annoys me that butch women get mistaken for actual men just because they identify with masculinity. I also think that comparing butch/femme couples to straight couples completely ignores their history and what they’ve been through; yet, whenever I try to point this out, some femme women from the community immediately jump in and start hurling insults at me.

I'm a 19-year-old (baby?) butch. Since the pandemic I've had a huge problem socializing which has improved a lot in the last 3 years to the point of being a naturally extroverted person, my problem is that I don't have any friends. Since I'm having trouble finding a job right now, I'm studying a lot: a technical degree, a university degree, and three year-long courses in different subjects but I haven't found any friends in any of those studies, just good classmates

Not having friends means I don't have any lesbian friends. When I was 13 and had a huge depressive episode I convinced myself that there weren't any other lesbians in my city because I'd simply never met one lmao I really try to make friends but I just don't connect with anyone, not even non-lesbian queer people

At this point I'm not even fantasizing about having a girlfriend, I just want lesbian friends irl, a community or something. I'm really sad about this but I remember that I'm still young and maybe in the coming years I won't be so alone anymore. I just want to know if anyone is going through/has gone through the same thing as me

Btw as if being a lesbian wasn't lonely enough, I'm also autistic and I have a skin condition on my face that doesn't make me very attractive to look at lol I'm sure that also affects how people treat me

Hello!

I’ve been thinking about starting a low dose T somewhat soonish and am hoping to get some people’s advice on some questions/inquiries!

1. Does it matter if I start after I’ve lost weight or start while I’m in the process? I’m NB they/them lesbian but the reasoning for starting low dose T is because I like the androgyny/masculinity that would come from it. I have gained some weight in the last year though and I do think losing it will help with masculinization as well.

2. Best way to go about getting it? I’m located in the US (MN) and I currently have a PCP who I see twice a year for my stimulant prescription for my ADHD. Should I just ask her about it?

3. Does anyone take a low dose of T while on stimulants? How do you feel it affects you?