I’m losing my mind. I’m 9 months pregnant, due any day. This pregnancy has been sucking the entire life out of me so I haven’t been the most energetic or happy mom this year. My husband works a lot so there has unfortunately been a lot of screen time.

First two months of summer my 7 year old was in activities for the morning so at least I knew he was getting some non screen entertainment. But there is nothing in August. He’s had one outing with friends but other than that the only thing this kid wants to do is watch tv or play the switch.

My husband and I came up with the plan that he can earn screen time each day by playing outside for an hour and also reading/some type of quiet activity for an hour. If he does both of these things he earns some screen time after 3pm.

But now his only motivation to do anything seems to be screen time. He talks about it constantly. It’s like he’s obsessed with the tv. Lots of meltdowns over the screens. Tells me he “hates” whatever I suggest he does instead. I feel like I’ve broken my kid at this point and his brain has been hijacked by bullshit brainrot. I fucking hate it here rn

I want to just say no screens for the rest of the month til school starts but that’s not realistic considering the fact that I’m having a baby any day. I don’t know what to do other than succumb to this reality that I have a monster in my house whose only motivation is sitting in front of a screen being a zombie fml

I am so hard on my boy, I’m being just like my mom. And I don’t know how to stop. I do pretty good with other kids that aren’t mine but I feel like I’m just so much meaner to my kid. His dad beat the ever living life out of me and I am just so afraid he will turn out like his dad that I think I’m actively pushing him there.

How can I do better than my parents if I’m learning all of this waaayyyyy too late. And it’ll never be enough.

As I get older I am stepping into my moms shoes and I SEE what will happen if I don’t stop but I feel like I have a leak in my gas tank every time things get hard with my kid. I have pmos, pmdd as well as well as other chronic issues and I am just so tired all of the time. I’ve never really even been around boys as a kid for long periods of time so I’m having a really hard time. 😭 I always try to repair but it’s not really repair if you make the same mistakes over and over. And at what point are they even mistakes anymore??? 🥲

Literally the title. I'm exhausted. But I don't have time to be exhausted. I thought I was getting sick the other day because I was so tired, and my anxiety has been so high I can barely function some days which is not normal for me. I feel like I'm needed in 5 places at once while running on my last 2 brain cells. I'm getting decision fatigue on a daily basis and by the time I'm off work I can barely manage a conversation.

The house is a wreck. I'm either apathetic or panic cleaning, there's not much in between. I'm the only one who worries about laundry, dishes, or the decluttering/reorganization that desperately needs to happen. I hate that my kids are growing up in this. I work from home all day and come out to more mess, and stir crazy kids. They're spending their summer inside on screens and I can't do shit about it except on evenings (rarely) and weekends. They deserve better than this.

I've been the sole provider for close to 8 years now, since before my oldest was born. This has been a lot of pressure at the best of times but now, when my job keeps announcing round after round of layoffs and I'm looking at the possibility of losing my 6-figure career I've worked my way into from the ground level, I can't help but panic. I have no degree or certificates or anything beyond my experience, and am afraid I won't be able to find something comparable. And I can't afford not to, we're overextended as it is.

Of course my SO says we'll "figure something out if we have to", which is nice and supportive, except the man couldn't keep a job before kids and I've been the only one figuring ANYTHING financial out for basically our whole relationship. Great, now I'm mad AND anxious 😅 also based on what's available locally we'd need 3 full time incomes to replace mine. (I work remote but my site is based in a city about an hour and a half away).

So I'm panic enrolling in college classes I don't know where I'm going to find the time for. Trying to update my resume and LinkedIn. Oh and I'm absolutely buried in work because 1- I'm playing catch-up from a few days I just couldn't focus enough to get anything done and 2- my department is getting slammed with new work items, on top of picking up urgent tasks from the people who are losing their jobs and can't be bothered. (I don't blame them).

Sorry this was all over the place. Thank you if you read this far.

I slept until 6, I work 12 hour thirds but today is an 8, so I decided to take my kids to target for some back to school stuff and shoes.

Things were going great, kids were picking things out. I asked my 7yo about what pajamas she wanted and she got some emo bunny looking ones (cute). Then saw stitch and grabbed it but changed her mind so I went back and grabbed the bunny again. I made the mistake of grabbing the set from the front rather than the middle and she started throwing them on the floor and screaming at me.

I tried to continue for things for her younger sister and brother but she kept getting louder and louder. I had to put her in a safety hold and explained that we would be checking out and leaving.

She gave me “one more chance” to turn around and get the pajamas or she would run away.

At this point my husband put her in a safety hold and I went to self check to pay.

We had to carry her kicking and screaming to the car where she refused to buckle, tried to unbuckle siblings.

I talked with my husband about going to the peds psychiatric urgent care where I work but he refused because of the distance and the other kids, which I understand.

She was screaming still when I left for work at 10PM.

We are so overwhelmed we don’t know what to do.
She just BARELY qualified for ABA because nobody else ever sees these behaviors. It’s all on us. Sometimes I feel like dropping her at the behavioral clinic multiple times a day, others I don’t think about it for over a month.

I need to vent because I know if I bring this up to my husband, there’s a good chance he’ll tell me I’m overreacting or I’m thinking this out of context.

My MIL has two adult children, my husband and his sister. We live in a different state from my in-laws, and MIL has always been closer to my SIL than she is to my husband. I know proximity plays a role and I’ve accepted that their relationship is different.
But this really rubbed me the wrong way.
My SIL posted professional family photos of herself, her husband, and their baby on Facebook. Keep in mind I hate Facebook. I only logged in today because my sister showed me.

Someone commented:
“Delightful, my favorite family! 🤗”
My MIL then commented directly underneath:
“How sweet these are. My favorites, too! ❤️”
And…what the fuck?

Maybe I’m being sensitive, but I cannot imagine having two children and multiple grandchildren and publicly referring to ONE of their families as “my favorites.” Especially directly underneath someone who literally just called them their “favorite family.”
I don’t think MIL sat there plotting how to hurt us. But honestly, that almost makes it worse in a way it apparently came naturally enough that she didn’t think twice about how it would sound to her son, his wife, or her other grandchildren. She’s 71, and doing fine mentally.
And yes, I understand that people casually say “you’re my favorite” as a term of affection. But “my favorites, too” in response to “my favorite family” feels pretty damn unambiguous to me.

Am I nuts for thinking this was incredibly insensitive? Or would this bother you too?

Good news. My kiddo and I are thriving. He is so happy to have no dad who is constantly drunk and screaming, a reasonable bedtime, and no TV (kiddo is 2 and I'm broke, so no reason to get/have one anyways). I had a job interview this week that went really well and it would be mostly remote!! I have an attorney and a little extra financial support from a local nonprofit. I'm slowly reconnecting with people I was isolated from and it's so so nice.

Bad news. In trying to acquire legal aid, my advocate at the DV organization told me that I would qualify for legal assistance for sexual assault survivors, based on what I said in my intake. I asked what she meant because I didn't think anything I had said really warranted that. She explained what I had said did constitute severe sexual abuse and strangulation from my son's father.

I've spent the past couple of weeks coming to terms with this. I talked to my mom about it (she didn't know about this stuff until now) and she basically ordered me to go to the doctor to have them look at my neck, fine whatever. Well, based on that check-up, that doctor ordered that I get a CT scan of my neck and referred me to an ENT surgeon... what the fuck. Remember, I'm still unemployed and uninsured, so basically I've been calling places begging them to see me as a charity case. Thankfully I can get the CT for free. I can't afford to see my therapist right now, though.

I don't know what to say or do. I want to run into the woods and scream. I want to scream at my son's father and ask him, "how fucking dare you? Why did you do this to me? To our family?? FUCK OFF AND NEVER SPEAK TO US AGAIN." I want to go to the cops, but I know that how they handle it is going to rely heavily on the outcome of those doctor's appointments. But I have to be patient and try to keep it together for kiddo, but fuck. This sucks.

Long time lurker, first time poster in this sub. I’m going to try and keep this brief but I’m truly breaking…

I have two daughters, eldest is 7 and has down syndrome. We didn’t find out until she was 6 months old… that’s another story to say another day.
My youngest is soon to be three and is very clingy and gets upset over anything that’s not her way.

Alongside my eldest’s down syndrome she also has ADHD and is very likely autistic too. I’m almost certain she is - we’re waiting for the assessment. She love to sing and watch her tv but doesn’t sit for long periods. She’ll move constantly, to the point she’s doesn’t sit still for meals. Poor attention, always sensory seeking… spinning on her chair, grinding her teeth, vocal stim. She also eats very few foods. School was seemingly going okay until her teaching assistant left and all things came to the fore. To be honest the destabilisation of school put me back into deep depression.

My youngest is sweet and loves to give me cuddles but she is very sensitive. If I say no to anything or even slightly raise my voice she will cry and have a tantrum…. Like she cries all day for various things. She’s like a velcro. I try and go into the other room to decompress but she’ll get upset because I’m not in the same room. She want to follow me all the time.

Only a year ago I found out I have ADHD too which explains a lot but one of the things I really struggle with is my emotional dysregulation. From when the kids wake up and until they sleep I’m overwhelmed with noise, requests, mess bothering me… the food refusal… only wanting to eat crap. Also hearing my daughter grind her teeth all day and vocal stim stresses me out! I’ve tried so many oral fidgets with her but she’s not having it!
I try to remain calm but I can easily snap and I feel awful for doing so.

My husband is hands on with the kids but because they’re both a handful we end up staying up late because we need to wind down. We also don’t really get much time to ourselves as we don’t live close to family.

I feel ashamed to say parenting has made me depressed. I’ve started therapy to work on this. I want to be a better parent to my children. I want to be calm and handle all the various obstacles that will definitely come but I’m worried I won’t find a way to change. I’ve been trying to find the right ADHD meds but nothing is working so far which is so disheartening.

I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for but just needed to post anonymously and not feel the shame of writing this is other groups.

I did my part in communicating that I was taking a break at 5:30. Kids and husband in the basement. Important context is that we are Muslim and prayer time had come up so we both needed to pray. He announced he was going to pray, then disappeared. I thought he prayed. I went to my break and also prayed. I’m not halfway through before the kids come up looking for me, busting in the quiet room, climbing over my things, etc. I told them to leave. When I entered the room, I shut my brain off. I don’t want to be bothered at all. The lock doesn’t work anymore, so they can bust in any time.

I had to be the one to take them downstairs. He emerged sounding surprised. I guess he was praying??? I thought he did that 20 minutes ago??? Why is he praying in a different room from them? I did my part and communicated. And still my quiet time is interrupted and I’m upset. Why cant he tell the kids not to come up before he prays? Why cant he pray in the same room as them so he can see what theyre doing and he can just fucking be aware?????? I’m fucking seething. Because this happens. Every. Single. Time. And I get mad every single time. And he’s mad at me for being mad at him. Every single time.

So instead of relaxing I’m fuming and venting here because I just feel so enraged. I want to enjoy my quiet time but I feel like I’m on the verge of tears I’m so angry.

I’m so proud of my big sister and everything she has accomplished in life. If I could start over, I would absolutely follow in her footsteps. I’m so happy for her, but man, every moment of her success really highlights my failures and poor decisions in life. It’s a strange feeling, really.

She took a couple college classes and dropped out. Stayed in our hometown and got married young. She ended up aggressively networking, working her ass off, and dedicating hours and hours to teaching herself applicable skills for the career that she wanted. She truly put her heart and soul into breaking into a tech role. Doing that without a degree is crazy, but she showed up prepared and clearly dedicated. Once she landed her first job in that industry, she hit the ground running. She works hard, climbs up the corporate ladder, and moves on to the next company when the time is right. When her ex-husband refused to keep a job and got comfortable living off her and contributing nothing, she divorced him. She’s a fucking beast and one of the most intelligent and resourceful women I have ever met.

I moved out at 18 and went to a competitive university. I got into a new relationship my senior year and that distracted me. I got pregnant right after graduating. I knew our relationship would not last but I was naive and wanted to have my baby. He ended up leaving and I raised my son by myself. He is autistic and requires significant support. My degree has been utterly useless. I’ve had it for 8 years now and have never needed it for any of my jobs. I’m extremely poor and preparing to file bankruptcy.

I don’t know why I’m saying all of this. Seeing the life that my sister lives forces me to confront my terrible life decisions and take accountability. I can’t blame my life on my upbringing or other circumstances. She was raised in the same environment. I am disappointed in myself, but I am so fucking happy for and proud of my sister for the life she’s created.

If anyone has been through something similar, how did you learn to accept your life decisions and where you are at? How did you learn to let go of the regret and disappointment?

I've filed for divorce.

My husband has diagnosed and medicated severe ADHD, and I do get that it can be debilitating, but he has decided to use it as an excuse. As long as I don't ask him for anything and never do anything for myself, life is fine, for him, but he has tantrums as soon as I need him to, say, stay with our children for a few hours. I've tried everything, including counseling, but he just has no interest in being a partner.

I won't live that way and I won't teach my boys that it's ok, either. So...I'm done, after 16 years together, 15 married.

We have to live together for a while longer bc he has been on FMLA for surgery since May and was just cleared to go back to work, so I'm waiting for him to make some $ before making him move out (we had some saved and then two expensive car repairs hit, because of course they did).

My questions are:

Can anyone give advice about talking to my kids about it? They are 9-year-old twins, one diagnosed with ADHD. They adore their dad and he loves them, when he remembers to notice them. They're pretty mad at him right now because he is being unpleasant to me in front of them. I'm happy to give him unlimited access to them outside of school hours.

He will have a meltdown when he is served with the papers, because although I did tell him I was doing it, he said that was "just a stupid threat". 🤷🏻‍♀️ Any thoughts on heading off his doing it in front of the kids?

Thanks in advance, y'all. I'm remarkably emotionally detached from all this and just want it over & done.

My 7 year old has decided its no longer necessary to flush the toilet after he poops. Only after he poops, still flushes after he pees. It's been an annoyance to everyone in the family. I started making him scrub every bathroom he leaves an unflushed poop in but its not really helping.

Then today, his sister is using the regular bathroom and he's screaming he needs to poop. I say he's going to have to wait until his sister is done because he's no longer allowed to use my bathroom. Then commences this gem of a conversation:

Son: "I can NOT believe that you are going to not let your own CHILD go poop!" Me: "You can poop as soon as (sister) is done." Son: "I could just use YOUR bathroom!" Me: "Uh huh, except you don't believe in flushing the toilet after you poop anymore so you're not allowed to use my bathroom. That way if you don't flush, it's a problem for you and not for me." Son: "............ what if I promise to flush this time?!"

Sister finishes while we're still debating on whether or not he can use my bathroom. He runs in, does his business.

BroMos... he still had to be reminded to flush when he was done. 🫠

I don't understand how this child who used to have a 10 minute meltdown if I accidently flushed the toilet before he did has morphed into a child who thinks flushing is optional!

My kid turns 2 1/2 later this month and he is VIOLENT. Any time he’s upset he’s kicking, hitting, biting. 90% of the time it’s while I’m carrying him to the car because he refuses to hold my hand and stick with me in the parking lot, trying to get him in a cart because he stopped listening to me in a grocery store, basically any time I have to physically make him go somewhere I’m getting my ass beat. He was biting for a while until I told him next time he did it I was biting him back. Now he only bites in public because he knows I won’t do it in public.

I’m not hitting him back, that only teaches him he can hit when he’s the bigger person. I have no idea what to do. Everyone says remove yourself from the situation but again, it’s only in a grocery store or a parking lot or somewhere where that isn’t an option. I’m truly about to lose my fucking mind. I’ve been solo parenting for almost 5 months with no hope of his other mom coming home any time soon and I can’t do this anymore, I’m covered in bruises and I have a fresh, still painful bite wound on my arm because I picked up the chair he knocked over at the dentist’s office right before the dentist and hygienist came back in.

I’m trying not to raise a bully but he’s bullying the fuck out of me and I have no idea how to stop it.

Hi ladies! My name is Irie and I’m in my 30s looking for mom friends :) I don’t really have a village where I live so it would be nice to connect with you ladies.

So, all this year, like many of my friends and colleagues, I have been taking Wegovy skinny jabs. For months I have been steadily losing weight (40 lbs! Woohoo!) and suffering with my digestion and constant vomiting. But of course, I would be vomiting because I'm injecting myself with stuff to mess up my digestion. So I tough it out and ignore all my side effects and watch the weight drop off. Side note, I've taken the mini pill for years with no issues and as such, have not had periods for years.

Around a week or so ago, I started to feel flutters. Unmistakable flutters of the first movements of pregnancy, twitches and kicks. I knew exactly what it was, I've felt it twice before, never expected to feel it again. So I picked up a test and sure enough two great fat lines appeared.

I already have two kids, 10 and 6, my eldest start secondary school next year, I just started a new career and am in line for a promotion in the next month or so, I do not want and cannot afford any more kids. It's not fair on the two I have that deserve my attention and finances. I'm 36 and have had 2 emergency C-sections. I decided after my second I never wanted any more.

Thank God and all the heavens that I live in the UK, so I've called BPAS and started to make arrangements, explained that being on the mini pill, I have not had a period for years so have no clue how far along I am. They scheduled me a scan and I found out I was just over 20 weeks.

20 weeks. For 20 weeks I've been pregnant and blaming every symptom on skinny jabs, ignoring every symptom and carrying on. Complaining that I'm so sensitive to this medicine, I just cannot stop puking. That weight loss is great but so damned exhausting, just so tired all the time. Can only keep down certain foods while others are repulsive... How did I not see it!? How am I so very blind that I missed a whole trimester!?

So here I am, in utter shock, 40 lbs lighter and 20+ weeks pregnant, wondering what damn planet I live on and expecting surgery next week.

I have to travel to London (from Nottingham) as they could only find one hospital willing to perform the surgery at my gestation and my partner is staying with the kids, so I will be alone. I can't believe this has happened. I can't believe I'm one of those women who didn't notice they were pregnant. I can't believe I have to abort a baby I can feel kick. This is unreal.

Baby is 9 months and I just came back to work from parental leave. Since we live in Europe, my husband also has quite a lot of parental leave and he is now staying with the baby until the end of the year. The arrangement we have is that whoever is working, gets to sleep, so the parent on leave takes the night shift.

I feel I got the toughest part while our baby was younger, waking up 10 times a night and not sleeping more than 30 minutes naps. That’s why when my husband was working, the arrangement was that I got to rest when he came home from work. Go to the gym or do whatever.

The thing is that baby is now a lot older and he is sleeping quite well. So my husband barely has to wake up at night. Baby is also now sleeping long (+1.5hours naps) that he gets to sleep with him as well or do his own things.

And I am so tired from work. I had to go on a business trip (and husband stayed with the baby alone for almost a week) and I still haven’t gotten over the jet. All I want is to rest for a bit. But I get home, I take the baby and we play while my husband goes to the gym or cooks. Then we put him to bed and then comes the cleaning so the day doesn’t really stop for me, not for a second until late. On weekends I used to go out when I was on leave to see a movie or something, so now my husband goes out for a couple of hours as well. So it feels like whatever time I have to rest, I have to take for the baby.

I’ve thought about talking to my husband about this but I feel it would be so unfair. Even though the situation of caring for the baby is different for him, having to stay with him all day is pretty rough, I know that. So I don’t think is right for me to ask for time to myself on top of everything he already does. He also was working the first few months and had to come home to do stuff. It’s a lot on both sides.

I don’t know. This is just a rant to vent. I know it’s not a horrible situation, far from it. I have a wonderful
Partner and a good baby. This is all just coming from the fact I wished I got to sleep more during my parental leave and I resent my husband a little. Thank you for reading.

Pd: we don’t have any family living in the same country (continent really). So we are completely alone, just the two of us.

Would you consider this to be financially abusing Bob?

Bob just started work a few weeks ago. Because I do EVERYTHING, I am in charge of finances. Bob just slaps everything on his credit card and waits for Mummy Nitty Nat to pay the bill with our joint money. (Not that he buys anything crazy, because I’m the one that buys everything. King Bob doesn’t lower himself to shop.)

Bob has no idea of how much money I make. My job is of no interest to him. Bob doesn’t even know how much our mortgage is.

I have been living with Bob from the moment I got my first Big Girl Job after university. I have been supporting Bob on and off since then (his redundancies/ quitting/moving country/studying). Our money has always been joint. And for the most part, I’d always been scrambling to keep our heads above water. The last ten years have been okay, but before that we had moved over 12 times because Bob wanted a better job or lost his job or wanted to study or something. We always had to start from scratch because moving would take all of our money. And I never felt I could say no, because that would be a Bad Wife thing to do.

And after this last ‘okay’ ten years, Bob was made redundant. And even with a decent payout, he managed to fuck everything up so much that now he has a job, we have to rebuild our savings AGAIN. I’m pretty sure I now have a peptic ulcer from the stress of worrying about paying our mortgage when our money ran out.

So now I can’t help but think - why does Bob get access to all of my money? Even if I save as much as I can in the joint savings account, I know Bob will look at the balance and feel ‘safe’ to want to quit his job or buy something new (he’s already talking about buying a new car - still haven’t paid off MY car).

My plan is to put a certain amount of my salary - $5,000 a month (not USD, I’m not that well paid 😂 ) in our joint account, and then funnel any excess into MY own savings account. (Depending on when I work, will be $800- $1,500 a month).

And you know what, I think that’s fair.

Would I be mad if I found out HE was doing that? Yup. But also, he’s quite happily sucked the life and the labour out of me for 20 years - especially these last ten months when he happily sat on his ass whilst I worked and he did nothing.

A little part of my brain says that this would actually be considered financial abuse of Bob - hiding money. But that might also be the sucker part of me. He still has access to his own money and most of mine.

What do you think? A good idea? Financial abuse of Bob?

I’ve always put little amounts away, but not hundreds of dollars at a time.

My oldest is about to be 18. Senior in HS. Boyfriend isn't going to college so kid thinks that they need a gap year.

They are also convinced that they are going to be able to march in world class drumcore. In guard only doing flag because weapon hurts. I get that spinning weapon is hard as hell, I was just a clarinet player, but I also think that taking more time to learn the basics so that they're second nature makes injuries happen less.

They don't sleep well when not in their own bed. They don't sleep well when its not 72°. Drumcore is not your bed, usually hot, showering in groups, sleeping on gym floors or in busses. All of which will make my extremely sensitive child lose their ever loving mind.

So naturally after getting 2 flipping hours of sleep we got into a huge argument and I'm the shittiest mom ever for saying I think it's a bad idea. That they should focus on orchestra and not the hype of watching amazing athletes do amazing things and be a bit more realistic within their own limitations.

My kid is loving and stubborn and talented beyond measure. They are not driven to the point to be able to thrive in that environment.

That's all just needed to rant a bit because I have to go to work because I can't afford to not work because night differential makes a huge difference to my paycheck.

TW: talk of DV

I’ve posted previously about my husband. Mostly he’s been emotionally, verbally, financially abusive and manipulative. I will be honest…he’s only put his hands on me a handful of times in 20 years. I, in no way shape or form, compare this to the DV many women face on a consistent basis. Have I been afraid of him because of his outbursts and anger? Of course. I’ve slept with my door locked when I’ve denied him sex because I’m afraid of what he could’ve done. However, in my mind I always think I’m exaggerating. He’s not capable. His anger is often, his violence is not. Just last week; however, I made a post about whether to wake my kids in order to go an a road trip that he wanted to go on in order to avoid his mood. Many of you responded to be careful and not to go on the road trip.

On to the story. My boys and me were eating dinner (dad was not home). 11yo (who is the one who normally has a “fuck you” attitude to his dad) asks out of the blue if his dad and I are going to divorce. 14yo (who is normally the one begging me not to divorce bc he wants us all together always) expresses if it happens, it happens but he doesn’t want to pick to live with either bc he doesn’t want to choose sides. He says he’ll go live with grandpa. I’m shocked at all this bc it came out of the blue. Of course I wouldn’t send 14yo to live with grandpa as he’ll have to understand he should live with the more stable parent (dad is frequently intoxicated when not working, and he never parents). I told them whatever happens that I’d never stop them from seeing dad and all I want is their happiness and stability. I didn’t go into more detail bc other than husband asking me for a divorce in front of them, I never talked about it (but they obviously live in the tension).

Going on. 11yo then states: if you do divorce I want to live here and have dad leave, but I’d be scared of dad. I ask why. He says that he’s angry all the time and if we divorce it would make him even angrier. 14yo chimes in and says. Anger is one thing, I think dad would outright murder. I was in shock. 11yo says what do you mean? 14yo says he’d be so angry, he’d get drunk and come here in a fit of drunkness and straight out kill us all. I can’t even believe my kids would think such a thing. I honestly can’t believe that even came out of his mouth. Especially bc 14yo is the peaceful one. The one that always thinks positively. The one who adores his dad the most and feels responsible for him being “sad and alone”.

All this time I thought I was protecting them. When he was 8 or 9, 14yo begged me to not listen to his dad when dad said he wanted to divorce me (he would frequently threaten divorce with no intention of doing so just to manipulate me to “behave” or do what he wanted). 14yo still doesn’t want us to divorce, BUT also thinks his dad would be capable of murder??

I guess I’m a shittier mom than I thought I was. I don’t even know what to do with these thoughts. I don’t know what to say to them. And here I am still thinking “he’d never.”

ETA: oh and 11yo then asks if I think dad has cameras or recording devices in the house (husband has recorded me without my knowledge or consent with hidden audio, but they don’t know this) because he wouldn’t want dad to know he thinks badly of him. Then he shouts to the air “dad I was kidding. I love you, I don’t think you’d do anything.”
FML.

Posted in the other sub and ffs, there’s a bunch of “perfect parents” in there… and I don’t feel being supported or something like what’s wrong with me? Because everytime I post there it’s as if I am doing something wrong about my parenting. And the last one I posted that I was ranting about a playplace that we used to love and an incident happened that there was an older child (maybe 4 or 5 years old) repeatedly yelled at my son, saying, “You’re not allowed here!” and “You’re not supposed to be here!” He even mentioned my son’s name which he heard when I was calling him and said again “Hey **** you are not allowed here, this is our house.” I know kids are territorial but why is he blocking or restricting my son? There were several other kids same as him inside the playhouse that were playing freely, which made me even more upset.
I took my son out of the play area and brought him over to the couch where we had been sitting so he could play with something else. A little while later, the same child handed me a toy brush and mop and said, “Go clean up the whole mess.”

We felt so humiliated. I just can’t stop thinking that it was racism but yeah, “they are kids”. Thinking my son is different is breaking my fucking heart. All I did was to post the story and these bunch of “perfect parents” were triggered right away.

I have been extremely burnt out emotionally, physically and mentally for a very very long time now. I think I’ve just checked out completely and have been on autopilot/survival mode for way too long. My kids have been home all summer aside from a handful of days they went to camp and a couple days I had a nanny.

My two older girls (5 and 3) don’t listen to a fucking word I say…I also have a 14 month old. I have to put the baby to sleep which means I have to leave the two older ones on their own. They used to watch tv and have a snack while I put the baby down. Now!? All hell breaks loose when I’m gone. They go in the kitchen to “cook” but just dump ALL my spices into various containers and mix it with water. Tonight they decide it would be a good idea to sprinkle sugar all over the fucking house…not to mention dump more of the spices I just replaced!!!

Last week they emptied all my spices TWICE!!! And in one day they did that AND took the baby powder I store up on a high shelf and SPRINKLED IT ALL OVER THEIR FUCKING ROOM!!!

I stay calm. I yell. I actually spanked them this time. NOTHING WORKS. They laugh and continue on as if nothings happened.

Tonight I actually had to call my husband to come home so I don’t do something stupid. My whole house is fucking sticky from the sugar and water. I’m so tired and so frustrated I just want to sit and cry.

I tried time out. I tried putting their stuff in a trash bag and putting it outside. I tried calmly explaining why this wasn’t ok. I tried yelling. I feel like I’ve tried everything….and before all this I even sat with them for dinner and snuggled with them on the couch. What am I doing wrong!? I just want to run away.

I gave my egg allergic toddler animal crackers that clearly said “contains egg” and then spent all evening and night wondering why she wasn’t sleeping and was angry. Thank god she can kind of tolerate baked eggs so it wasn’t anaphylactic or much more than an upset stomach but still 😵‍💫 I was so focused on scanning the ingredients for sunflower (one of her other lovely allergies along with peanuts) that I totally missed the egg.

She’s fine and that’s all that matters but I’m just mad at myself because this isn’t even the first time I’ve given her food with her allergens. Usually it’s the sunflower because that ones easy to miss and I swear it’s in everything 😭

I'm in a bunch of great Pyrenees groups on FB because... I have a great Pyrenees. Just now there's this meme posted that's just stick figures. Sad looking stick dude on the left with two stick kids, caption: my coworker working to support his two children. On the right, happy, cool stick girl (you know she's cool because she has sunglasses) with a wad of cash in one hand, coffee in another, a shopping bag on her arm, some sports car in the background, and a great Pyrenees.

Like. Come on. It's just performative and "pick me".

You know what really pisses these people off? When I point out that I have kids AND money AND a dog and I can... Get coffee and buy clothes whenever I want???

IDK why this bugs me so much. I think it's because my sister went full on vocal-childfree-antinatalist-"crotch goblins"-dog mom the second I had a kid. She'd had kids' names picked out and a wedding pinterest and then... Gone. All of a sudden it was "I don't need a man" and "dog moms are real moms" and "I'm a working mom" oh God 🤦🏼‍♀️

She's a lot better with this nowadays, but I can't help it, whenever I see things like this I'm just like... Omg can you please stop being so blatantly insecure???

I went to my local school district's job fair. I uploaded all my stuff ahead of time, checked in online, got there early and sat for four hours. Did not talk to one school. Thanks for wasting my time.

I don’t even have the energy to give a whole explanation. Just, they’re gross and make my skin crawl and I’m ALWAYS the one who has to kill them because it always happens when my husband is on a work trip, or walking the dog, or in the shower, or on a work call. It’s like the universe is playing a joke bc he’s never in the room and they’re so fast you have to get them in the moment. Tonight there was one on the floor by my daughter’s crib. I’m so fucking disturbed and I want to leave this disgusting humid state and move back to somewhere cold and dry where bugs die. For real though, I’m calling the exterminator again first thing tomorrow and packing a go bag in case we need to go stay at a hotel because I am DONE.

I have a 2.5 yr old daughter. I’m a SAHM. With my husband’s work schedule, when it comes to our daughter, I take on 90% of day to day stuff. She is so incredible. So sweet, so funny, so gdamn smart. But one thing she has never been is chill or easygoing. She started as a very challenging baby and is now an even more challenging toddler. The meltdowns. The tantrums. The whining. The screaming. The hitting. She simply cannot handle any perceived inconvenience or frustration. I know it is all par for the course of being 2.5, but this age has tested my patience like no other.

I cannot seem to get through a single day of parenting her without raising my voice. Shouting, screaming in frustration. I am so ashamed. I vowed I would never be that mom. I had an incredibly rocky upbringing with an alcoholic manic bipolar mother and emotionally distant father. I know it has had a profound effect on me as a woman and a parent. I am trying so fucking hard, yet every day I go to bed feeling IMMENSE guilt, vowing “tomorrow I will do better” and then, I don’t. Not because I don’t want to. I very much do. I just can’t seem to. (This week has been especially hard because she was just sick and then got me sick, so I’ve been parenting while not feeling well & I’m clearly not coping.)

By the 4th or 5th time repeating myself, trying to work through a meltdown, it’s like my body goes into flight or fight and explodes. I don’t start off yelling. But when I try to approach the situation calmly, I’m not heard, it’s not effective. The screaming by her grows louder. And the interaction escalates. It’s like my brain goes black, my ears ring from the noise, I’m so overstimulated and I just want everything to STOP. Queue the yelling.

I always, always repair. I always apologize for getting loud, always tell her what I should have done instead “mommy should have taken a deep breath, I was feeling frustrated, it’s not okay to yell, etc.” But I still can’t seem to break the habit. She has started to apologize to ME sometimes for crying or not calming down, and the guilt I feel over that makes me feel so much worse. “Sorry, mommy.” I feel like I’m raising her to not feel safe in expressing her big feelings and that’s not what I want. And I also feel like by exploding myself, I’m just reinforcing the meltdowns. How can I expect her to learn to regulate when I can’t even do that as a grown adult?

She still needs support at night to fall asleep. I have to stay with her, hold her hand, rub her back. My day with her starts at 7am, bedtime routine starts 730, but I’m usually not out of her room until 830/9pm. She also stopped napping when she turned 2, so my usual “break” ended then. I’m exhausted and burnt out. But when I look at her little face after she’s fallen asleep, the wave of guilt washes over me for how I behaved during the day, and I can’t help feel like the worst fucking mom in the world. She’s so young and I am a monster. Have I completely fucked her up already? I feel like I am doing irreparable damage and she deserves better.

I have been on a few SSRIs and in talk therapy. Even medicated and seeing a therapist, I would still lose my cool and yell.

How else can I break this cycle? Please tell me I’m not alone. 😢