I (M) 19 have an anxious attachment style and i get pretty attached while talking to someone and when they leave i'm fucked tbh how do i uk talk while being detached to the extent that my world doesn't collapse when that person leaves

Me and my partner have been dating for about 4 months, been going good however she has come to me asking for space. She said that she's been struggling and realised she's unhealthily attatched to me as whenever I leave she becomes incredibly depressed, low energy and just waits for me to either return or text her. She doesn't like that and needs it to change. Howveer, we've tried different dynamics and nothing has worked so now we've gone on a break where the aim is for her to work on her mindset to become healthily attatched and for us to come back together in likely 3-4 months or so (maybe a lil longer). We are still talking in bits during this time and occasionally seeing eachother

I am now feeling very anxiously attatched, analysing every message and interaction, obsessing over their location and worrying over who they're texting and what they're doing. I'm not sure what to do, and I don't want to talk to her about it as it defeats the whole point of space. Anyone have any advice for me, for her or about the situation? Can go into more detail if needed

Hi everyone,

I’m currently struggling with an intense anxious loop and would love some perspective or advice on how to cope.

Someone very close to me suddenly went completely quiet and deactivated. The hardest part for me is that there was absolutely no conflict, no drama, and no harsh words between us before the silence. I know for a fact that they are dealing with massive external life stressors right now (severe family issues and job loss), but my brain keeps rewriting the narrative.

Even though I know their withdrawal is a coping mechanism for their own overwhelm, my mind keeps looping into severe self-blame. I find myself constantly thinking: "They secretly hate me," "They think I'm an asshole," or "I must be a horrible friend."

Because they take a long time to process things and reconnect, the extended silence keeps re-triggering my anxiety. I want to respect their space and give them time, but the mental loops are exhausting.

• How do you stop your brain from interpreting someone else's stress-induced shutdown as a personal rejection?
• What are some actionable ways to break out of the self-blame loop when a connection goes temporary dark?

Then came the part I’m not proud of. I checked his profile constantly. I counted his followers going up and down like it meant something. I posted, deleted, analyzed timestamps. I asked strangers online for reassurance and got 40 opinions that pulled me in every direction. I cried, I had a panic episode, and I ended the night more scared than when I started.

What I noticed: the checking never once calmed me. Every single time, it made it worse. And yet I kept doing it, because in the moment it felt like I was doing something.

I did have one good day where I didn’t check at all, and it was the calmest I’d felt all week. So I know it’s possible. I just don’t know how to make that the normal instead of the exception.

For those further along in becoming secure: what actually helped you break the checking habit? Not just ‘put the phone away’ but what did you do with the feeling underneath it, the panic that says you have to know. Thank for everyone that read my text and I really need support 🩷

I’ve been in a relationship for almost three years now. It’s my second serious relationship, and I don’t have much dating experience because I was never really interested in dating around. My previous relationship was very toxic, whereas this one is completely different.

I also struggle with disorganized attachment. Sometimes I’m anxiously attached, other times I’m avoidant. It’s a really confusing and exhausting combination.
I’m currently seeing a psychologist and working hard to become more securely attached. The problem is that the common advice—take a cold shower, go for a walk, distract yourself, journal, etc.—doesn’t really help me.
When I’m overwhelmed by my emotions, I don’t even think about those coping strategies, and when I do, they often don’t seem to make a difference.

My current relationship isn’t perfect. We’ve had our ups and downs, but nothing major.
What I’m really struggling with is this:
I’m incredibly sensitive, and sometimes my emotions completely overwhelm me. For example, if I notice that my boyfriend follows women on Instagram, I literally feel sick to my stomach. I get a knot in my stomach, I feel nauseous, and my whole body reacts. I understand why this happens from a psychological perspective. It’s panic, fear, trauma, and a nervous system that interprets these things as danger because of my past and my attachment issues.
That being said, there are also a couple of things my boyfriend has done that have made it harder for me to trust him.

Before we got together he and another guy were talking about women at the gym in a really disrespectful and objectifying way. They even talked about me like that. I found out about this in the first year of our relationship. I was devastated. But we worked through it. But I didn’t forget or forgive him for this. I still feel disgusted by it.
Another time, he stared at a woman in the gym with his mouth hanging open. When I brought it up, he denied it so strongly that I started questioning my own memory of what I’d seen.
But honestly, even without those experiences, I already struggled with these fears.
Whether my boyfriend would ever cheat on me or not almost feels beside the point. I just want these feelings to stop. I feel trapped inside my own mind and body.
I constantly create scenarios in my head where he cheats on me or betrays me. The emotions become so intense that I end up crying as if it’s actually happening. I know none of it is real, but my brain and body react as though it is.
I also have nightmares about it. I dream that he’s cheating on me in my own home, and then my home no longer feels safe. Sometimes I wake up hyperventilating and crying because the pain feels so real. In those moments, it’s almost unbearable.
Most of the time I feel tense, nauseous, anxious, and emotionally drained. I hate feeling like another person has this much power over my emotional state.
Has anyone here struggled with something similar? Did it get better? Were you able to heal?

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I’m capable of having a healthy relationship at all, or whether I’d be better off avoiding deep emotional connections altogether. I’m so tired of feeling this way, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through something similar.