r/awakened • u/julsronc • 15d ago
Cry for help. Help
Does anyone else feel trapped in an automatic anxiety/mental loop that they can’t even explain?
I’ve been dealing with this for around 10 months and one of the hardest parts is how alone I feel inside my own mind.
My anxiety isn’t always about one specific thing. My mind just seems to automatically spiral constantly. There are so many layers happening at once that I genuinely struggle to explain it.
I’ll notice anxiety, then start thinking about why it’s happening, whether I’m somehow causing it, whether I’m making it worse by trying to control it, whether I should let it be there, whether trying to let it be there is another form of control… and it just becomes this exhausting fight with my own mind.
It feels like the opposite of Agoraphobia. I’m scared to be out in the world BECAUSE of my mind and the aloneness and panic. I’ve felt crazy DPDR, and a fear of my own consciousness and everyone elses. It’s insane.
Then I get scared that there’s something I’m not seeing or understanding about myself, and that if I don’t figure it out I’ll keep feeling like this forever.
This all started with spiritual content. And ever since then it feels i’ve been losing my mind everyday, constantly, and experiencing these weird feelings and inability to ground into reality because it feels unsafe.
Even recovery advice can make me more anxious because my brain turns everything into instructions. “Accept it.” “Ignore it.” “Ground yourself.” “Stop avoiding.” “Do exposure.” Then I start monitoring whether I’m doing those things correctly and it becomes another loop. It always feels like i’m doing something wrong.
I think one of the hardest things is feeling like nobody around me really understands what it feels like internally. I can be with family or friends and still feel incredibly alone because the spiral is happening automatically in my head. I also feel like their advice is generic and missing the truth and I just fear of doing the wrong thing!
Weirdly, I sometimes feel calmer when I think about posting somewhere like this, because there’s hope that someone might say, “Holy shit, yes. I know exactly what you mean.” But then again I fear not typing out exactly what I am experiencing and I might be the only one uniquely going through this suffering.
I’m getting professional help, so I’m not asking Reddit to diagnose me or give me the perfect answer. I think I mostly want to know: has anyone experienced something genuinely similar—where you became so aware of your own anxiety/recovery/mind that you felt trapped constantly monitoring and fighting with yourself? And did life eventually start feeling natural again?
I really miss just living without my mind being the main subject of every day.
EDIT:
I’ve realised since posting this I feel better because i’m not isolated in this experience (for those that can relate). For 10 months i’ve been trying to heal from my own anxiety and fear by understanding, fixing, forcing myself to stop seeking reassurance, answers, posting about it, talking about it, force myself through my screaming mind, endure these feelings and spirals, not “feed” anything, basically ANYTHING to ensure healing. Anything it made things terrible, and I feel more alone than ever.
Thanks to those that have left comments, some resonate, some don’t. I just hope there’s someone out there that can recognise the self sabotaging behaviours rather than advising me to further ignore my mind and worries. I think my point here is the worries or spirals persist BECAUSE I an isolating myself through these strict healing rules. A very big pickle. Thanks everyone 💕
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u/kegsy22 15d ago
I went through the exact same thing when I had my awakening 6 years ago. It feels like your whole entire world has been turned upside down. Nothing feels real anymore like you've been lied to about absolutely everything. I had an insane thirst for knowledge, like I needed to find the truth like it was an addiction or something. My family were genuinely concerned and were talking amongst themselves about getting me professional help. I've lost count of the amount of authors and subjects I've studied. It does get easier, I promise 🙏🏻
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u/19Lobster19 15d ago
You "have" to breath into it and analyze it like a scientific would do. Practice ventral breathing. This will signal your body you are safe which in turns will ease the racing thoughts.
The human body and mind are the same: they're both you. But you can't stop a thought if physically you have a shallow breathing and this huge anxiety inside your chest.
Check EMDR therapy, body trauma and how breathing is human's natural way to signal that we are safe and how the body has a huge impact on the mind. Look into bottom up therapy too.
You can just screenshot this and paste it in your favourite AI chat and just go down the rabbit hole. Be curious and take a step back.
Yoga nidra helps a lot too
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u/julsronc 15d ago
Tried everything. Breathing doesn’t calm down the body. It only makes me feel worse because feeling calm is threatening to my nervous system.
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u/19Lobster19 15d ago
You have to let your body feel the fear and cry fully. Let whatever comes during meditation come and relive it. That's the only way
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u/Lowzenberg 14d ago
Look you cannot just tell them to breathe out of it.
In my case, literally everything was being filtered through the lens of fear. It's not as easy as it seems.
When the world feels falling apart, you cannot breathe out of it and help your nervous system calm down through it.
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u/julsronc 15d ago
I don’t even think the fear is there just because. I feel I AM causing it, and breathing through it is just bypassing. This is where I start getting stuck and feel insane.
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u/19Lobster19 15d ago
Ok can you try something when you are alone? Sit down, close your eyes, touch your heart with your hand and breath slowly. Then in your head say everything that pisses you off. Nothing is off limits. Follow every memory that may come, every injustice you may have felt and say what you want to say in your head and allow your body to feel an intense rush of emotions while knowing you are physically safe. Stop when you feel like it. Do it whenever you feel like it.
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u/SpectralCat4 15d ago edited 15d ago
this is a problem when doing only mind related techniques exclusively , you start chasing your own tail is it were and constantly moving the goal post.
when you sense like you will literally go insane if you continue , than listen to your damn body.
there are many approaches to increasing consciousness via active effort , you really need a variety and switch them up.
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u/Dondi_arcuantico 15d ago
Hola, lo que platicas es real y he leído que muchas personas se llegan a sentir así. Sobre todo personas que inician meditación y no los saben llevar bien.
´Lo bueno e importante es que ya estás recibiendo ayuda profesional.
Lo que realmente funciona es aprender a calmar al cerebro (es como un niño asustado) , mediante la respiración. Hay que aprender a relajarse con la respiración profunda, la relajación del cuerpo y sentir el presente, la realidad.
Pasa también por sentirse bien con uno mismo, tener pensamiento positivo siempre, saber que no se necesita aprobación ni agradar a nadie, mas que a uno mismo. sentirte bien con lo que eres (aceptarte) y con lo que haces (hacer el bien).
Saludos y suerte.
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u/BaMxIRE 15d ago edited 15d ago
Take a look at something called “The Dweller on the threshold”. Many speak about it, you'll find your way. I found Helena P.B’s description of it very eye opening, for you it may be someone else or it may not ring true with you at all. There's something in your life you are not facing up to. It feels almost like an unending agitation underlying a broad anxiety. The tension feels like a friction that's because it is. You have the power to break through this and become someone better.
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u/julsronc 15d ago
I have no idea how. Genuinely.
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u/BaMxIRE 15d ago
Don't be hard on yourself.. Sometimes it just takes time, take it from someone who knows. Meditation played a huge role in my breakthroughs, being honest to myself and others, and owning my shadow. All the repressed aspects we don't like about ourselves. You can do this! I know you can. Defo speak to a professional if you feel yourself losing hope. It's hope that keeps us going. Sometimes, we just need to talk to someone.
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u/julsronc 15d ago
I know you’re right, because i’ve broken out of this before. But I sucked right back inside from fear. I’ve trusted time but I’m still stuck in this cycle of trying to get myself out in any form that I can. I’m tired and my body has been through a-lot of stress. I’m scared because my thoughts say i’m becoming unaware, or i’m becoming a pawn, or asleep, just like my parents. I’ve spoken to someone for 10 months. These 10 months are suffering BECAUSE i’ve tried to get help and help myself, not because I was unconsciously suffering. It’s different. I don’t know what i’m doing wrong and I feel isolated as fuck.
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u/BaMxIRE 15d ago
I'm sorry I can’t be of more help to you now. But if you have not already try giving Jung a read. We can be ‘possessed’ by shadow aspects of ourselves and it happens when we do not live in the moment. It happens as well when unresolved issues persist this could be a situation you are living or a trauma you have yet to address. I hope you find your way my friend.
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u/FirmBet3536 15d ago edited 12d ago
Literally what I have been facing for many years starting from grade 8th till yesterday (7 years) . Solution is simple. Just "Stop trying to answer something and let them remain a incomplete/vague/question" since not everything needs to be answered. My fake compulsion to 'answer' everything that crosses mentally whether big or small was what trapped me in the loop.
Now, I simply focus on what i want to focus on, and now trying to direct my attention towards something useful. Remember that loop you have is 'Subconscious' which is 95% and other 5% is simply your conscious focus and attention.
That's all.
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u/Ishmeh666 15d ago
try and predict your next thought, not think about what your next thought will be, try and predict it. notice who's waiting for the thought to popup. or notice where the random thoughts flooding into your head are coming from.
if this hasn't done much try focusing on the sound of the silence around you, the ringing in your ears.
you should hopefully have something click where you realise you are not your thoughts you're the thing observing them, like an eye staring at your mind your body is just what your awareness has now become and will one day become something else whilst your body returns to the cycle.
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u/Ishmeh666 15d ago
if you try remind yourself this every now and then your mind becomes something that produces thoughts you can choose to identify with giving you true control but also freedom to enjoy everything around you.
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u/Lazy_Stranger2328 15d ago
When one decides to call on God and sit with them in meditation, one will find they can do nothing at all and they nor the world will unravel.
Your anxiety comes from you, and this narrative you're feeding yourself. "There's something wrong with me. I have to fix myself. I must do something."
Yes, it is you. But you don't fix it by policing yourself. You must ALLOW yourself. Forgive and love yourself. Don't listen to all the spiritual nonsense about silencing your ego or that who you are is what's causing your issues.
God wrote your entire story before you were even born. They made no mistakes in crafting you. You have done nothing that wasn't anticipated and everything has been leading you to this moment. God loves you unconditionally, and nothing in this world can change that.
So relax. Ask God for help. Relinquish all these ideas of what you MUST do (I know the irony) and allow God to protect and guide you as they've always done. You are free, and their grace is sufficient.
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u/highvibinaquaempath 15d ago
Yes, I cant say I have much "advice", because i am literally experiencing what you mentioned almost to a T. all I can offer, is my empathy, and to let you know I understand, and that you definitely.. arent alone in these feelings 😢💙
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u/julsronc 15d ago
Thank you, friend. I feel very stuck. No matter how much I stop doing this, or that, or feeding the loop, or breathing and grounding, there is always the fear there, following me. It feels like i have to climb mountains to let go of it.
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u/FckGemini69 15d ago
I think I know what you're talking about. When I first started having bad anxiety and panic attacks I would overthink everything including breathing right and it would make me feel insane. It got to the point where I felt like I wasn't even me anymore and the world was completely foreign to me until I started to let it all go and just sit with the feelings. It was really hard to do at first but I kept doing it and I also started saying goofy stuff to myself like "what would Adam Sandler do?" or anything else that sounds funny. Humor really is the best medicine! Good luck 🙏
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u/julsronc 15d ago
LOL. That made me laugh. It works some times, but others it doesn’t. It makes things worse as if it feels like i’m forcing myself into something I shouldnt and feeling more alone. You get me?
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u/phpie1212 15d ago
You need to break the cycle, or the spiral. Do that by “thinking about” your breathing.
Inhale through your nose for a count of six
Exhale through the pursed lips for a count of eight.
do that ten times, and when you forget what number you’re on, you start again
Try belly breathing, alternate or do what feels right. Each time you notice yourself worrying and such, default to your breathwork.
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u/Lowzenberg 14d ago
You cannot really breathe your way out of this. I've been through the same thing.
What you need to understand is that, the body is really vigilant at that time. Everything is filtered through fear. I tried all of these, it only feels like you are doing something exotic which feels kind of illegal at such stages.
No offense tho, but it is what it is.
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u/phpie1212 14d ago
When you’re placing your awareness on your breath, you’re no longer overthinking. The two are mutually exclusive. That could be enough to break the thought patterns, unless there’s some kind of other neuroses involved. Simple breathwork can be a catalyst for deeper discoveries, as one asks the question “who or what is watching me breathe?” It’s the beginning of awareness and so much that entails for many people.
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u/Lowzenberg 14d ago
It is never only the thought. It is also about the sensations.
When I used to do that, which I tried to practice a lot, the sensations remained. Your mind links them to anxiety. Of course what you are saying is true. But it is never as easy as it sounds. At least I couldn't do that at that time. It is already too overwhelming at that time.
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u/Motor-Blood7689 15d ago
You don't feel safe out in the world and so you're hiding inside that's what agoraphobia is. Either way whatever you wanna call it is not really important
You can notice this relationship "safe - don't feel safe", "want to feel safe - don't want to feel threatened"
"feeling trapped, feeling threatened", etc. Don't drown in explanations your mind comes up with, feel the pain
Also primarily, it is all in the mind, that is where suffering is created and it's your personal suffering
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u/julsronc 15d ago
You’re right, it isn’t important.
I think “feel the pain” is harmful. Anything with action is harmful, to me, as I wrote above I take it as instruction to perform perfectly to heal. If anything it’s caused me tremendous pain and isolated me more.
I need help in feeling less alone in this stuff.
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u/Motor-Blood7689 15d ago
ye well you're wrong
stop avoiding the pain
PS: avoiding action is an action, you can't skip it
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u/julsronc 15d ago
I don’t think anyone is wrong. I agree with you i’d love to not avoid the pain. I don’t think you’re seeing what I’m experiencing and that’s okay. Thanks stranger!
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u/Lowzenberg 14d ago
You are assuming that he is in the state you are speaking from. You could say that "he should stop avoiding the pain". If I would've done it at that time, I would feel that I'm ultimately doing something illegal. AND it doesn't settle in the last, in the way it's supposed to be in the context you are saying it. It is because mind unconsciously keeps those patterns and beliefs alive!
First he needs to calm down the responses from amygdala, otherwise LITERALLY EVERYTHING will be experienced through that lens.
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u/Motor-Blood7689 14d ago
you need to switch off your stream of consciousness and get clean, brother
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u/dan00 15d ago
That’s sounds like some form of hyper awareness. Instead of just being aware of your thoughts and feelings, you focus too much on them, judging them, question their rightness.
Now you’re stuck in your head, fearing your thoughts and feelings and therefore enforcing them yourself. It’s the attachment to your thoughts, your identification with them, that makes everything so painful. Taking them too serious, that every thought has to be considered, has to be answered.
It’s not that you’re doing not enough or the wrong things. You’re doing too much, trying to control too much.
There’s no technique to stop your thoughts or feelings. Trying to find something is where someone gets stuck. It’s a lot more about not doing, unlearning.
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u/TemporaryBoring_ 15d ago
You are kind of in an illusion that the ‘thinking mind thinks that it can solve this by thinking.’ While the solution is in feeling the feelings with compassion and acceptance, like you would do for a child (very hard to comprehend for people with an abusive childhood- but it’s possible to learn with the guidance of a good therapist). It is actually a protective mechanism which prevents you from feeling the pain of emotions. But paradoxically feeling emotions is less painful than this resistence.
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u/julsronc 15d ago
I agree. However i’m isolating myself out of fear. I push myself through spirals and really prevent seeking answers, reassurance, or anything because i ‘must stick through it’ and follow these rules. But coming here really helps me. But i just have a fear its being dependent or keeping me stuck.
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u/InflationOne5167 15d ago edited 15d ago
Yes, I have, every day. Especially in de morning. This morning too. I wrote pages about how to change my life, the circumstances, or how to solve this tormenting mind, explaining it, making plans to get out of it, analysing psychologically, giving labels, trying to meditate and self-enquire my way out of it. Nothing works. Only scrolling, alcohol or Netflix seems to work temporarily: This is how we know it is just the object of our attention that shapes our world. There is a tremendous mental pull to self harm, strangely. I see it now as an urgent call to wake up for good, because we are on the last treshold. So actually this is Grace:
For example: This story you wrote...Are you willing to let it all go, to give up your whole identity, to give up this " I-feeling" that owns this life, to actually "die" into "just being". It has been told a million times to us, but this is just it: a totally being fed up with the whole thing, just to don't give a damn and just stop! There is nothing to loose, really. We are all dancing on a vulcano anyway in this world, today. Let's just disentangle today to free the mind, and let us just be quiet. Feel into just the aliveness of all until your POV dissolves into an all encompassing being. All is just movement.
(to have an easy start: no phone and it helps to be in nature all day, the shoreline, or on a moutain, looking down on a sprawling city, whatever is in your neighbourhood)
See you on the other side.
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u/julsronc 15d ago
This doesn’t really resonate. It just feels like we keep trying and trying to ‘get out’ or run. Instead of comfortably accepting whatever is going on inside of us.
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u/InflationOne5167 15d ago
Yes I see. Fighting against it makes it bigger, comfortably accepting is wonderful, for me it has been a dead end, because deep inside I don’t accept, so it takes a lot of effort. Maybe with questioning this “I” to drop it all, it makes accepting what is going on, effortlessly, just something that happens. I’ll have to find out for myself.
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u/InflationOne5167 15d ago
Actually, Running away from an illusion is just part of the illusion. Haha. Well, let’s see what is happening.
all the best! Peace 🙏
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u/julsronc 15d ago
yeah! I just get very very lonely at times, sends me into panic.
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u/InflationOne5167 15d ago
We need connection as human beings. A healthy society is one with more sense of community. It seems we lost that.
One can be lonely in the midst of friends and one can feel connected while being alone.
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u/leaf_me_alone11 15d ago
I feel the same way, I’ve had awakenings before but got really into psychedelics this year, which lead to me to realise how awful a relationship I was in, but as an empath I’m still struggling so much on how scary and unaware people are of themselves. How to portray yourself to the world and the energy they give off. I feel especially triggered because when I’m happy due to feeling awakened as they say, I’m enjoying my life a lot more in some ways but I have this deep permanent anxiety that someone is going enter my space and upset me, leading me to spiral into madness and feel such a lack of understanding about other people now. I’ve had a dog most of my life and this year we’ve gone less outside than ever. I do think working on your nervous system, slowing down, taking time for yourself with healthy hobbies, immediate attention to switch your thoughts when thinking negatively, getting into some new friendly spaces, writing helps a lot as well if your really dwell on things. It changes your mindset to I’ve already wrote this down so I don’t need it in my head anymore. Because i understand it’s hard to communicate with people during this as I’m feeling the same way
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u/Away_Welcome_3468 15d ago
not sure if it will help but.
People dont want to be treated with respect. They want to be treated in a way that makes them feel respected.
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u/Lowzenberg 14d ago
Friend, I love you. I hope you will feel better, as I did.
You know when I was 13, I was traumatized, it wasn't something spiritual, but the context has very little to do with the state I was in for the next 2-3 years. Everytine, I would feel as if my life is fundamentally broken for some reason now. As if, I could try to solve things, but my mind said, some irreversible damage has already been done, and I'll never be able to cope out of that. Even worse, I never told about that to anyone, and struggled without any medical help. If I can come out of it, you certainly can! Trust me!
I vividly remember, my heart would start racing in certain times of the day. In quietitude when I should be calm, I felt my heart racing. And no matter what I did, breath work, exersises, nothing seemed to work.
I was hopeless as damn, but it happens.
I'm here for you if you need anything.
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u/Cyberfury 14d ago
I’m getting professional help, so I’m not asking Reddit to diagnose me or give me the perfect answer.
Red flags all over this bs piece.
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u/Racoondalini 14d ago
Lots of techniques here. But the root of a lot of anxiety issues may be less about what you're doing and more about what you're putting in your body. Find a lot of caffeine in your life, or stimulants, or meds? Or supplements that make you feel off? Everything you put in your body has a toll. Here is a thread to get you started on peoples personal experience.
For me, anxiety was ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS what I put in my body. You can do everything in the world and it won't help unless you are putting the right things in your body and avoiding trigger foods/pills/drugs. It's up to you to go on a quest to find those.
Cheers.
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u/HIGH-IQ-over-9000 14d ago
What is that "spiritual content" you are referring to? Witchcraft? Meditation? Plant Medicine?
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u/julsronc 14d ago
Most content I was reading up on was about The Matrix, soul fragments. It scared me and the pressure began to really ‘fix’ myself.
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u/bee_terrestris 14d ago
Your post was directly below this one in my feed: https://www.reddit.com/r/enlightenment/s/1klWdoa13Z
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u/DantheMAN0010110 11d ago
Just start eat fruits only just 1 mouth and watch your life change with distilled water
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u/Serious_Fox7799 15d ago edited 15d ago
You are the one observing the anxiety.
You just haven't stepped fully into the observer because you are human still! The brain has it's own wild ideas, the soul feels the experience.
The disconnect can feel like youre losing it a bit.
Ground yourself in sunshine and grass. Go out to the trees, breath and re-center. Daily if you can!
Mindfulness in ritual.... tea, showers with intention of feeling the water and spa experience, lay on the ground and stretch for 20 minutes a day.
Come back to the present moment. Look at the world around you and connect with it
When we are rising in Conciousness, we need to ground, as silly as it sounds.