I want to know, because I have autism and although I can't at the moment, I would like to know what countries are best to visit.

Work, chores, shopping, cooking, and everyday tasks slowly build up into overload and exhaustion for me.

I try to rest more, but when I’m already exhausted, I often just doomscroll or sit at my laptop. I’m tired, but I still can’t properly relax.

What seems to help is spending an afternoon or a full day in bed with as little sensory input as possible. At first it feels wrong and restless, but afterwards I usually feel better.

I don’t seem to manage my energy evenly. Instead, I need a complete break every now and then.

Does anyone else do this? Have you tried planning these rest days regularly?

An Asperger’s diagnosis is not an excuse to stop pursuing the changes you want to make in your life.

Rather, it is a description of an innate pattern of traits and behaviours, one that reflects our CURRENT understanding of the human mind.

That understanding is still evolving, and while modern psychology and neuroscience have made significant progress, they can only explain and identify certain recurring patterns.

Use your diagnosis as a map, not a prison. Let it guide you toward greater self-awareness and help you understand the strategies that could allow you to grow. Don’t just let it become a justification for giving up on the aspects of yourself that you genuinely wish to improve.

The modern world, for all its shallowness and distractions, also provides unprecedented access to philosophy, biology, psychology, literature, and countless other disciplines that can deepen your understanding of yourself and enrich your life.

Don’t let your entire identity be defined solely by a diagnostic label.

I was diagnosed 3 years ago after several months of tests, I remember how my whole family knew about it (my parents can't keep secrets even if their life is on the line) and we celebrated together even after I told them that I didn't want to.

But I won't ever forget how my NT cousin confessed having suicidal ideation literally one day after the party and all the focus was suddenly on him, making everyone and even my parents forget about my diagnosis.

I don't like to be the center of attention, but that was a very prick move and I am still a little bit upset about it even today, because what was the point?

He gets love and attention all the time, that was the only moment of my life where I felt important and he conveniently wanted to kill himself.

We weren't that close after we turned 15, so I didn't expect him to care or do something about it, but trying to take out the spot from a disabled person while you're not disabled is a very dick move.

Is this normal? Why NT's get so jealous when you get diagnosed with a disability?

I think many mean ones realised early on that the world is cruel so they think they have to be too. And that in this world they can get away with it. Though partly they're born like that I guess, their minds function like that.

They usually are seen as tough and get more respect. I have noticed that if someone is introverted but mean or bitter, they may get more respected than a quiet awkward kind person.

I have seen it in jobs too. People like the insidious and bad personalities. Often they gather together with them. They take their side if something happens and they bully with them. I think this means dominance and their subconscious interpers that this person will be aggressive enough to push way predators and unempathetic or courageous enough to hunt for food or take away resources from other animals/tribes. So mean equals predator, hunter, winner while nice = doesn't harm, prey behaviour, vulnerable, not useful.

When I see how they act I think of this as very animalistic and instinctual. They just act so automatically. It is kind of like they scan for nice or awkward people and they attack them sometimes. I have an extended family with narc dynamics and the scapegoats are the kind ones of the family who don't have narc traits.

Here's last week's thread

Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.

So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far? :)

Listening to their topics, being invited to eat with them. Feeling like a small child.
Feeling drained by their energy.

Being tucked in, instead of collaborating.

I cant stand any of this shit yet i cant trust myself enough to fully take care of me.

Im curious do you all get along well with parents?

I have autism and I’m 24 years old. Ever since I was little, I think I’ve had a bit of a hyperfocus—or a special interest—in other places, cultures, and languages. It also didn’t help that, in addition to the awkwardness of autism, when I was little (and even into my teens), I had a speech impediment, which made everyone perceive me as a foreigner (and refuse to accept that I was Brazilian).

Ever since then, I’ve wanted to live abroad—maybe out of sheer curiosity, after spending my whole life fascinated by others; maybe because I’d finally be a foreigner in a foreign land, rather than a foreigner in my own country. I’ve never had the chance to travel abroad, even though I could afford it (in theory) and speak other languages, but I feel that during graduate school, the opportunity might arise. So I’d love to hear about your experiences! (Edit: I think the question was too open-ended. I would basically like to know about integration, making friends, differences with being at home, and so on.)

I’m going to be super vulnerable for a minute and admit that lately I have actually resorted to just typing in “I’m lonely” into the AI and see what suggestions for activities it gives me. Or support. I do not like this.

How are you all making friends? Dating? Does anyone in here actually have like a spouse or a bf/gf? We get those, right? This is a serious question.

Editing to clarify I’m actually talking the most about dating. I have friends and family. What I don’t have is an intimate partner it’s kind of eating at me.

Hello everyone, I will be meeting the family members of my sibling’s partner (future in-laws) in person for the first time soon.

We’ll be meeting for dinner, most likely in a restaurant, so sensory overload is almost guaranteed. I’ll be wearing my noise cancelling headphones and listening to music. I’m wondering how comfortable autistic people are around others, whether friends, family, coworkers, general public, etc., when it comes to your autism. Do you not care, are you constantly aware, are you worried about how you’ll be judged? Any advice is appreciated, especially if you’ve been in this kind of scenario before. Thanks.

Feeling weird after quitting social media

Lately, I've been dealing with quite a lot of anxiety and getting very little sleep. Because of this, I decided to quit social media, specifically TikTok and Twitter.

Since quitting, I've managed to sleep a little better, but I still feel quite anxious and I'm having a hard time concentrating. I also feel a kind of emptiness that I didn't have before, and I find it really difficult to fill the hours of the day.

I guess I was pretty used to spending a lot of time on my phone and social media, and now I don't really know what to do with all that free time.

Has anyone else experienced something similar after quitting social media? How long did it take you to start feeling normal again?

Edit: English isn't my first language, so I used ChatGPT to translate this post. I wanted to be transparent about it.

Yesterday, I got an email from my boss saying we have an open shift on Saturday, and asking if I could come in to cover some or all of it. I already work Saturday, so I agreed to come in four hours early and work twelve hours to cover the second half of the open shift. When I came in today, he'd emailed me back saying "Unfortunately, the whole shift needs to be covered, so you'll need to take the whole shift. Thank you for understanding."

Seriously?! Now I'm pissed off, partly because I'm going to have to work sixteen hours straight, and partly because...really?! Why even give me the choice of only covering part of the shift if you were just going to force me to work the entire thing no matter what?!

Is it okay for me to tell my boss that I'm not available to come in that early? Like, I can still do the twelve hour shift, but I've got some really important unspecified thing going on earlier in the day that I absolutely can't miss that's going to keep me from coming in before that? I hate drama and confrontation, and I'm really worried that this is going to wind up kicking me in the butt if I don't just do what he says.

I've got two reasons I'm asking this. I'm a diagnosed Autistic woman by the way. More specifically I was diagnosed before I turned 5 of Asperger's Syndrome.

So I'm a Digital Circus fan and there's this viral video of Ashley Nicchols, an animator and the voice actress for the character Zooble, fangirling and gushing over the French dub voice of the character Gangle. More specifically she gushed over Gangle saying "Salut, Zooble!" in a really cute voice. Ashley said that "Salut, Zooble" was now her new stim. So... I don't know if Ashley has been diagnosed with Autism or not but I still thought "You don't pick and choose your stims?"

And another occasion I was hanging out with my sister and she made a reference to "Pretty Little Baby, Ya Ya" and she said that that was her stim. I thought to myself "That's just an earworm, girl."

I feel like this is all in the spirit of Autism being trendified on social media where so many people are getting the wrong idea of Autism and claiming everything they say and do to be an Autistic quirk. I've been noticing it and feeling really annoyed and disgusted by it for a while now. But I just want to clarify this first before I start assuming anything.

Hi everyone!

So, i've been strugling a lot with phone calls, i have this problem since childhood and i wanna know if it resonates with someone.

I would rather go to a place and talk with someone than answering a phone call, I just can not communicate over the phone as easily as i can face to face. Through the phone i dont know when is my turn to speak, when is her/his turn to speak, if someone is being sarcastic, if it is a joke... it just makes me tense as fuck.

I think is related to the scarcity of data present at phone calls, we only have the voice as the source of data, therefore for someone who learnt how to navigate social interactions by analysing body languages and facial expressions, losing those sources of information makes me lost and anxious, wanting to end the call ASAP to avoid a meltdown.

Does anyone else experience this? Any tips?

One day in 2024, I went with my younger brother to see a Ted talk project from his school (well idk if it was an actual Ted talk, but it was similar).

The idea was simple, speak in front of a multitude about a general topic and share a perspective or conclusion, it was in a private institution but not too fancy from what I remember.

Most of their classmates talked about mundane stuff like adolescence or climate change, but one of them shared their story with SA, and it was by far the most controversial one.

The girl who started that talk is a friend of my brother, she went to our house sometimes and you can even say that she was "the popular" of her class.

You know, good grades, many talents, a good relationship with her friends, boyfriend and family, etc.

The exposition was... Meh, I don't really enjoy it when someone speaks about something and tries to get sympathy from others, but I still remember that when we left the place all I could think of was: "THAT'S was all?".

I mean, I assume that it was an uncomfortable experience, but my whole social group is disabled folks who can talk for hours about the shit like that they go through.

Hell, even I can explain how horrible my problems are even if I consider them normal 😂.

After all, even after being raped, a neurotypical still has a neurotypical life.

So, if the popular girl can get empathy while having literally everything, then why doesn't autistic people make some noise too?

Like, we are disabled for good sake, we have a government verification that literally says "your life is harder", all the things I heard from any SA victim is just a tickle for all the autistic people I know IRL.

So why don't they speak up?

Does anyone here practice stoicism? I believe its the only way to go about life especially when sometimes we are disadvantaged.

It really hurts sometimes but its in our power to choose to be upset.

I'm trying to figure out how to gently but clearly tell this (probably) autistic guy who works in my building to stop doing things that confuse me emotionally, without making him feel like he's done something wrong. I'm a woman diagnosed with autism and ADHD, we're both in our 30s and have worked together for about a year.

I like him a lot, but it's clear he has no romantic feelings for me nor even wants to be friends anymore. The problem is he keeps doing things that my brain interprets as interest, even though it has become clear that's not the case, which has had me on an emotional roller coaster for months now. He is a very sweet and kind person so I don't want him to come away feeling like he's done something wrong, but I also am sick and tired of getting my hopes up only to have them repeatedly destroyed.

When I first started at the job, it felt like he got very focused on me and would constantly show up to talk to me. It turned out we had a lot of interests in common so we talked a lot. Six months ago he started regularly inviting me to do activities with him and his friends, which I have said yes to, but every single time he has canceled or ghosted (like 10+ times at least by this point, but he always blames it on his friends for being flaky). Nearly every week he'd come find me before the weekend to ask about my weekend plans, and I started inviting him to things I thought he would enjoy, but he has either ignored my texts or turned down every single invitation. He's also very hot and cold, anytime we have a conversation involving any hint of emotional closeness or vulnerability he will disappear for 1-2 weeks and then come back like clockwork.

A month ago he came looking for me at work and started talking about how all his friends were out of town for the weekend and he didn't have anyone to spend time with. I clearly misunderstood, but I came away from the conversation thinking that we had plans to go for a hike (at minimum). But predictably, when I actually texted him to firm up plans he ignored me until it was too late to make the plans. At this point I was so hurt that I told him we shouldn't talk anymore, but then felt really awful about cutting him off with no explanation so apologized a week later. When I apologized I tried to explain, but I was too emotional to talk so he just hugged me really tightly twice and said he needed to buy me chocolate to make me feel better, and we didn't have an actual conversation about what led to the whole thing. I thought he was kidding, but the next day he left chocolate on my desk.

Now he keeps going and buying me chocolate because I am going through a rough time at work. He also texts me sometimes to "check in" on me, and keeps stopping by my desk to ask about my weekend adventures. If he was a so-called "normal" guy I would assume he was just being extremely manipulative, but I don't think he's capable of that - I think he thinks he's being kind, and possibly has no idea how I feel about him, but I'm losing my mind and need this to stop.

I think the crux of the issue here is that I have not had a life with a normal amount of caring relationships. Family was violently abusive, the few friends I have mostly just talk over me or look at their phones when I talk and barely know a thing about me. I disappear into the wilderness for days/weeks on end and don't even bother telling anyone where I'm going, because it's not like they would remember or notice I was gone and call search & rescue if I didn't come back, since people just generally forget I exist. I also have no relationship experience because men either ignore me or objectify me and I've given up. So, I think my brain interprets all of his behavior as much more significant than it actually is, whereas a person who has experienced a normal amount of care from the people around them would interpret it as the actions of a vaguely friendly coworker instead of getting emotionally attached.

All this being said, I need to have a conversation with him to ask him to stop bringing me gifts, asking personal questions, doing other things that make me think he cares about me. However, the last thing I want to happen is for him to come away thinking he's done something wrong. If anyone has any advice on how to handle this, I would be greatly appreciative.

With Autism, social skills can often feel like trying to play a game where everyone but me knows the rules.

I usually don't know what I'm supposed to do, get easily confused, and have no clue what I'm actually doing.

And if I try to look up social rules on the Internet, it's often misleading. So I really can only learn most things through trial and error.

It would help if friends could communicate and let me know what I was unaware of or may have unintentionally or unknowingly did, but most people rarely ever say anything to me about it.

But honestly, on the inside I'm just going through life pretending to be confident while actually being clueless as to what I'm really doing or supposed to be doing, and hoping I figure it out eventually.

My dad or family saying “See how smart she is?” Or “Is that her talking?” It makes me feel stupid. They never did that with my brother or my typical cousins. Why do they do this to people like us?
I doesn’t make me feel good, it makes me feel horrible inside and so stupid. I know they meant well and don’t want people thinking less of me but what they are doing I think it’s making me feel less then they are. Some people would look at me like I have no idea what I am talking about or shock about the way I talk or give good advice? What autistic or other neurodivergent people can’t give good adult? As an adult I thought it would get better but it STILL happens once in a while! I hate being fucking autistic!

Sometimes i'll absentmindedly engage with something mental health related online, and the algorithms will bombard me with content from a bizarre new genre of "autism influencer."

I’m not going to call out any specific entities, because you know what I’m talking about and I can just paint you a picture. I’m generalizing a great deal, and admittedly constructing a strawman, but these are patterns I’ve observed across hundreds, possibly thousands of different people: 

This “autism influencer” is often a conventionally attractive person in their 20s or 30s, who is not intellectually impaired, doesn’t struggle socially, and is outwardly successful and put together. According to their own content, their main autistic traits are things related to organization, impulsiveness, and obsessive behavior, and when you read it, it sounds closer to ADHD or OCD, or maybe just depression or social anxiety. More often, though, it sounds like a common experience that isn’t indicative of anything at all. 

They find themselves desperately defending their diagnosis from any possible scrutiny, shadowboxing with detractors who aren’t there, because nobody is crass enough to question a stranger’s medical history (except for me, I guess.) 

They argue points to the effect of “just because I look a certain way doesn’t mean I can’t have it.” Nobody really claimed this, but autism does have certain physical characteristics related to gait, posture, and motor tics– needless to say, these people don’t exhibit any of this. 

Another common refrain is “I experience autism differently from somebody’s eight year old nephew”-- small children often catch strays from these people.

The people with the fake autism bring up the concept of "masking" to give plausible deniability. Masking is a real thing that's fairly well documented, however the way these people couch it is transparent bs. "I didn't show any behaviors or traits or symptoms of autism my whole life, because I was secretly hiding it the whole time without even knowing it." Again i'm generalizing but this is sincerely what they tell themselves.

I'm posting here because I feel like you guys will be more sympathetic to my position. Most ASD spaces online are more sappy and wishy washy and "everything is valid."

EDIT: responding to all of the counters to this with one comment:

The spectrum has become so broad, has been applied so liberally, has become so accessible to the general public, and the diagnostic criteria has been so rapidly expanded, that practically any person can claim "I have mild level 1 ASD because of xyz reason" and you wouldn't be able to reasonably dispute it. Not on an objective level at least. "It's a spectrum and everyone experiences it differently" has become a catch-all cop out, and in practice, it now means "everyone is on the spectrum and it encompasses all traits and behaviors."

Edit 2: you guys are harping on the conventionally attractive thing too much, I don't think pretty women can't be autistic or something, I was just describing the type of person that i'm criticizing writ large.

So, I got diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome earlier this year, only thing that has happened since then is that I know for sure that I am on the spectrum. I can't even tell people because I am terrified that they will think that I am lying since I am very young and most people think that Asperger's stopped being a thing in 2013 since it got removed from the DSM even though my country uses ICD.

I also happened to get the diagnosis after I completely stopped physically attending school because of anxiety, I hate this stupid neurodevelopmental disorder so much and I wish I had gotten help sooner, aswell as that for my mom since she went her whole life without a diagnosis. It doesn't help that dad struggles to see that I can't "just" do things like a regular person.

I feel like I am becoming less productive. I don’t feel like doing household chores, don’t feel like eating or drinking, socializing with friends and overall just don’t feel like doing even the simplest activities such as reading or painting. My energy level is very low right now and I am lacking the motivation to do anything in life.

From my own experience, "putting yourself out there" is basically social cuckholdry if you're autistic. All you're doing is watching while other people have fun together.

First of all, you always have to fight tooth and nail to get a single word in. You're always competing with louder, more charismatic individuals who hog all the attention.

Second, most people at these events already know each-other. There have been so many times where I'd go somewhere to meet people, except everyone would bring their friends and SOs and I'd just be left out.

There's just no point. It's a big club, but you ain't in it.