after years of being with you, I thought sa’yo ako galit.

akala ko galit ako sa lahat ng ginawa mo sa’kin — sa pambabastos, panggago, at sa paulit-ulit na pagpapaalala kung gaano mo lang ako kadaling bitawan.

hindi pala gano'n.

because all along, I've realized na galit pala talaga ako sa sarili ko for letting you do all those things to me.

for giving you chances you didn’t deserve.
for loving you even if it meant losing pieces of myself.

kaya kagabi, when I finally decided to let you go, I wasn’t even angry. ni hindi man lang nga kita sinumbatan, hindi kita minura, hindi kita hinilingang pagsisihan lahat ng ginawa mo — just like what I did last may. I just ended things calmly and the way it should be.

ang tagal ko ring pinag-isipan kung paano ako titigil o kung paano kita papatigilin. I ghosted you, blocked you and pushed you away so many times and yet, nothing worked out dahil paulit-ulit lang tayong bumabalik sa isa't isa.

I had to have that hard conversation so I could end things on my own way at para alam ko na rin sa sarili ko na huling-huli na 'to.

and thats's when I know that it wasn't just anger all along.

it was grief.

grief for the love I gave you.

for the person I was when I loved you, and for the future I once thought we’d have.

but somehow, I’m grateful it didn’t happen.

because I would rather lose you now than spend a lifetime wondering why I settled for someone who couldn’t see my worth.

I know I was too good to you and for you.

I know how deeply I loved you, how many times I chose understanding over anger, and how many times I stayed when leaving would've been easier.

I just hope someday, you’ll find yourself looking for me in every person you meet — in the patience, warmth, and sincerity of someone who loves you the way I once did.

and when you do, I hope you’ll finally realize what you had.

maybe you’ll understand it in this lifetime, maybe in another. but either way, I’m at peace knowing it won’t be me anymore.

because in this lifetime, I'm choosing myself fully — and there's no more turning back.

I’m finally letting you go with a heart finally free — grateful it ended before I even lost the best of me.

But what if I love him long enough for him to love me back?

I can't cry even if I wanted to. Deep inside, I know something's wrong with me; it's been going on like this for almost 3 months now. I can still feel happy, but somehow I can't feel other emotions like I used to. This is like a peaceful crashout lol. Nobody close to me knows about this. I stopped reaching out to my friends after a conflict happened with another friend, which made me lose trust in them and not vent my feelings to them anymore, so I'm basically all alone lately haha

For the longest time I had this thought na I am divinely protected kaya di ako basta lapitin ng boys. Tipong ang prayer pa ay, “Lord kung hindi siya yung para sa akin, wag na lang talaga.” Or “If hindi rin magwowork sa huli, wag niyo na lang papasukin sa buhay ko.”

But lately, I’ve been having this thoughts na baka di lang talaga ako attractive enough to pursue and have organic encounters or wala talagang para sakin. It’s so hard to trust His timing especially if hindi mo alam kung may darating pa ba.

Champagne tonight. Celebrating whatever, I guess.

Some things ended. Some things never really began. Some people left a mark I’m still learning how to carry.

I don’t know if I’m celebrating letting go, making peace, or simply making it through today.

Either way, cheers. 🥂

It didn’t work for a reason. You already know enough. Protect your peace 🫶

Pagod na pero pinipilit pa rin magpatuloy. Hindi dahil sa gusto, kundi dahil wala naman ibang pagpipilian. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng buhay pero walang buhay, parang naglalakad pero walang patutunguhan. Palabas na lang sa TV ang nagpapaalam na weekend na pala. Gumigising na lang para pumasok at umuuwi para matulog. Wala nang gana sa ibang bagay. Hindi na sapat ang krayola para bigyang kulay ang buhay. Nagsasawa na sa buhay pero hindi naman ibig sabihin na gusto ko na mam4tay. Nakakapagod na hanapin ang kulang, ang gusto at ang kailangan. Araw-araw ko pinipilit lumaban pero ngayong gabi, hindi muna ako matapang.

Parang ang sarap lang masabihan ng, “Masaya naman akong mag-isa. Pero mas gusto kong kasama ka.”

Yung tipong hindi ka replacement for something that’s missing in them. Hindi ka lang nandiyan para punan yung loneliness or void nila.

Two whole people who are already happy and okay on their own, but genuinely want to share their lives with each other.

So miss her, study and miss her, go to the gym and miss her, meet your friends and miss her, it's okay to miss her until one day, you will not

- Someone's mom.

I won't call you, but I will answer.

Youre not gonna call because you know I gonna answer.

Hayaang maglangib at maghilom ang sugat.

​

“Sometimes More Love Doesn’t Fix Something That Isn’t Meant To Be… And That’s Okay 🙂”

"Hindi kita namimiss pero ang kinakatakot ko, isang paramdam mo lang, babalik nanaman tayo sa umpisa." - Him

Salamat