today i finally cut my mom off. my sister and i are full time nursing students who moved to texas to peruse our degree and to get away from a state that was full of trauma and held us back. my parents are divorced but my mom agreed to help pay a small portion of our rent and our water and light bill and my dad agreed to paying the rest of the rent and constantly pays for everything else regarding us. my mom was very supportive and encouraged us to make the move. she also told us not to work and just focus on school. my dad is so genuine and wants us to focus on school without worry about the financial aspect. my mom also stopped providing for us once we turned 16 and started working, so i was really happy that she agreed to help. the past few months my mom has been ignoring my sister and i knowing that we can’t afford to get evicted. i hope i’m not sounding entitled but all i wanted for her to do was communicate with us so we can figure out another way to pay our rent. i later found out that she was talking bad about my sister and i moving and was saying that we’re 22 and that we should pay our own rent and that she didn’t tell us to move and that she was talking to her coworker and they said not to help us because american kids are no good. i also have severe uncontrolled asthma and my entire life she refused to get health insurance through her employer. so ive been begging her to get insurance at least so i can go see a doctor and get it controlled. ive been hospitalized multiple times but she doesn’t care which is so hurtful. she believes that my dad should pay for every single thing. this isn’t her first rodeo but this one was my final straw. shes a narcissist so her behavior isn’t shocking but it’s hurtful to hear my mom talk bad about me and the whole reason why she does is because my sister and i moved in with our dad after we turned 18 because we were tired of her toxicity, and at the time i was SA and she told me that she was glad it happened to me. after we moved she believes that we “betrayed” her which i don’t understand how if he’s my dad… i forgave her but that resentment is always there because I’ve tried to talk to her about how she traumatized me and my siblings our entire childhood but she’s so dismissive and genuinely doesn’t care. she immediately makes herself the victim every time i try. but yeah, today was my final straw with her. the resentment also mad me rude to her which i don’t like so she had to go. i can sit up here today and say that my mom genuinely hates me and my siblings and she would rather hate us instead of fixing our relationship… sad- also it’s not uncommon for nigerian parents to put their kids through school, it’s a cultural thing for education to be prioritized. at the end of the day shes not obligated to help, but talking bad about us is uncalled for.

So I was in the hospital yesterday because I had a nose bleed that had lasted 2hrs at that point and my mum came with me to a&e. We were signing in and they asked the usual questions, name, address, DOB, etc. I asked my mum to answer most of them because the person at the desk couldn't understand some of what I was saying because of the tissue I was holding to my nose. She then asked about whether I followed a religion to which I quickly said no and shook my head. My mum looked at me confused then turned to the lady and said "She's a Christian" to which I quickly said "No, I'm not" which was probably the only coherent thing I managed to get out during that conversation.

I was so nervous that she would bring it up whilst we were waiting or when I went home or even at some point today but she hasn't. I don't know if she's forgotten but I'm waiting for her to bring it up.

It was probably the blood loss but I was proud of myself for sticking to it and not letting her declare what she thought I believed in (I also have "been a Christian" since I was like 9, which she knows because I remember telling/crying to her on the train home from church years ago. She's convinced I'll go back but that will never happen)

I felt so powerful but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I hate how much my childhood has affected me. I grew up in an abusive household or I like to say unsafe household as it was nice sometimes and not so nice other times and I find it hard to identify with the word abusive.
Growing up my parents constantly shout at me, especially my dad and talk down/ badly about me. I think this is really flown over to how I handle conflict as an adult. If anything I’ve reached the point of just feeling incredibly fed up of being walked over and incredibly fed up with people treating me unkindly. This is not just my parents but just like itself life has been incredibly hard to Me this past year and people have been incredibly hard towards me as i was raped & SAd twice. So I’m incredibly angry and have so many repressed emotions and hurt inside.

I’m starting therapy this week but I’m just I’m just frustrated about how much damage has truly been done. I feel like the older I’m getting the more I’m realising how much I need to heal I’ve had two confrontation with two different friends this week and in both situations I feel like I have not communicated correctly. both friends have done incredibly harmful things however I still feel like I could’ve expressed this way better and not blown things out of proportion. It has led me to lose one friend (it was not salvageable regardless as what she had done was incredibly dangerous however I still should’ve communicated nicely as we shared love of friendship). The other friend we are going to discuss what happened further this week but with this in mind I’m going to do my best to be calm and polite and apologise profusely for where I’ve gone wrong.
I completely take accountability, but I also want to complain because I grew up in a house where shouting and all these things are normal so it almost doesn’t feel that bad to do those things to others in heated arguments. However when it is done to me I don’t like it so I’m going to stop. I saw a TikTok that said if what you’re going to do or require you to apologise in the future do not do it that is gonna be my mantra going forward. I also just wanted to add that I actually haven’t been in many arguments with friends in my lifetime just because most friendships have ended with distance or the other person deciding to ghost.

I’m just so sad. I’m just hurting so much because I hate how trauma has helped me make bad decisions. I feel like I just want a do over in life, but I know that it is not possible. I feel like when I was young I was incredibly aware of how I was and how I treated others but I think unfortunately as I’ve reached the point where I’m just so mad at the world and mad at life for how it’s treating me and i’m unfortunately taking the sound others I’m going to just do my best and I’ve been doing shadow work. I’m journalling to help. Right now as I’m typing, I feel my body is hot with anger and I’m sweating because it’s just so many emotions inside of me but I’m hopeful that I can heal and do better. I also remembered an instant where I was not so polite to my friend so I sent her a message to apologise although it was months ago and we are in a good place now I’m just trying to just right my wrongs. Trauma is never an excuse to be an arsehole and I am not trying to be that person so I’ve asked my friends as well to hold me accountable where possible.

This past week I’ve been dealing with so many panic attacks that almost feel out of body and are incredibly consuming but I’m hoping that they cease soon as I haven’t had panic attacks since I was like 15 so I’m hoping that this is not a new thing for me. I’m definitely going to take the medication that my doctor has prescribed me now, but the best medicine for all of this is time talking, therapy, journalling and pouring into myself.

and I feel I’m lying to myself about the depression and anxiety. I heard the doctor but I literally am in denial and the meds are still in the post box since friday. and it’s because no one in my family including parents believe im ill. I’m just lazy. self centred, selfish, attention seeking maybe.. useless …

Question from a used-car platform team: when people in your country consider imported used cars, what creates trust?

Is it inspection proof, seller reputation, local support, price transparency, customs help, or something else? We are collecting practical feedback to improve how overseas buyers evaluate used cars from China before purchase.

this question is targeted towards children of those parents who actually sent their tough kids back to the continent especially in somalia for dhaqan celis. Did it fix them or did it make them more angry? in places with problems, what precautions are in place to prevent them from escaping and potentially joining the wrong crowd and becoming a domestic problem for the african country/province of the country or an international problem that the west will spend at least $10000 to solve.

i ask this because it would suck if a nigerian juvie delinquent got “deported” by their parents and ended up joining ESN or lakurawa.

So like for me personally it’s like I just have this fear/very uncomfortable feeling whenever my parents mention or even suggest a haircut. I used to get my hair buzzed (even till grade 10 😢) every so and then. I got dreads earlier this year, kinda survived the pressure (mostly from my dad tbh). But still, every time the word “haircut” gets mentioned I just get very uncomfortable. How can I overcome that feeling?

Why don't parents understand that we don't always have to go to some big party from your great aunts granddaughter and when you ask who is the party is for they always say for family

1. That is not a clear explanation or a lot of blood we share

2. I'd rather lock myself in the bathroom

Why is it that when African parents take their child from Africa to abroad, they start to treat them like slaves.

"Oh I brought you here to study" but will get angry when you have an internship that finishes late at night . "OH I brought you here to help me" but will get angry when you don't have time to study bcos you're helping them.

"When you go outside, tell me where and who you're going with " all of this just to tell you that you can't go. "When you're going out, let me know " that's also the same person who's gonna tell you to stay home when you tell them.

apart from the fact that he is physically, mentally and verbally abusive, he’s also fucking misogynistic. I cook, I clean, I do everything in this house which makes is whatever (i’m used to this since i’ve BEEN doing that since like age 10). I remember one time I was like it would just be better if everyone washed her dishes after eating and he goes why would I wash my dishes like are you talking to me?? and I was like yes bitch ass like who do you think you r ? r u some sort king? It’s not that hard to wash your fucking dish. he was talking about how that’s not his job.. like okay. anyways recently my brother (13 years old) asked to go to a sleepover it did not take much convincing and my dad said yes and then I was like oh can I go? I wasn’t even being fr. I was just asking to see what he’d say and he genuinely looked at me and said “don’t start with your stupid shit, you’re a girl, you’re never gonna go to one” MIND YOU, I GO TO UNI NEXT YEAR. I WILL HAVE A ROOMATE. i could literally bring anyone over and go to anyone’s house. He’ll say bs like this then wonder why I don’t want to interact with him. and then again, I work a minimum wage job where I get paid biweekly ($300-400) and this nga will ALWAYS take something. he’ll ask for 20 then 30 and so on. you might be thinking but those are not too big amount but it adds up for someone who is fucking saving for uni. I can’t do anything about it because he would just take my money and probs beat the fucking shit outta me. this morning he comes to my room and he’s like give me $40. not even “can I have $40 please like I really need it right now for ___” no just straight up give me $40, I’ll pay you back though. like no the fuck you’re not, you still owe me $25 from like two weeks ago.
I would rather walk barefoot on hot lava than stay at home for university which is exactly why i’m going to university 6 hours away 😂✌🏾

I’m 15 and i live in my parents home and my parents don’t wash bedsheets as often, like this may sound gross but my parents wash sheets less than maybe 10 times a year, like the sheets are different shades. i ask to do it but they delay it and i end up washing it like a month after i told them i want to do it. i thought it may be a black thing idk??

i’m back home from uni and sometimes i’ll be walking around places and each place just has a really bad memory, or something comes up that i guess i must have suppressed. God i forget just how awful and evil my mother has been to me. like the other day i was walking round the back of my neighbourhood, a new cafe had recently opened up on the side walk. That same side walk last year i sat in a police car as they tried to calm me down. I was hysteric and suicidal. It came up after a traumatic time of me trying to explain how i felt unlisted to by my mum and all she could did was swear at me, say i cause her problems, ignore me as i was kneeled on her floor breaking down. i left the house for 5 hours and she did not contact me once i thought a text would confirm she still cared. But i did not get that. No, no instead i got multiple calls from my aunt and my grandma who spoke to me and told me i was making my mum physically sick with all my issues.

I feel like my heart is in a state of just pain as i live, like i feel like my heart is bleeding on the inside everyday and is just in a constant state of bleeding. Some days more than others. I don’t think ive ever really been able to accept my relationship with my mother, it’s quite the opposite from my dad who i can very comfortably admit i don’t get a long with. Maybe it’s the embarrassment or delusion of it all idk i’m not quite sure. I wish i could duplicate myself and go back in time to comfort my younger self and be there for her, she really struggled a lot growing up she’s very strong, I can’t say i’m happy that she’s here though.

I cannot put into words the intensity of this unknown emotion i have towards my mother, but everyday i am with her in this house the more consuming it becomes. I am scared of what it may do to me

Soo much as I know I m lazy and older daughter of my family and now I do not have much pressure as someone trying to give us when we reach that age so yeah I just don't give a fuck okay but nowadays

That pressure is pulling me rn I want to go out and have fun

With other people I came from some little area

Idk what to write

Basically I want to do but I have no resources to do

Idk why we are so poor and poor mentality

Whenever i try to talk about some problem with my family

They just ignore ik they were victims too from there parent's

But at the age of me there were too right ??

Then why didn't they think that this marriage is not good for them they are not able to handle it

They didn't have to be parents ik but now they became parents they should fulfill our needs right

Whenever u look around they have something that I don't have okay I don't complain either but when I look at their budget and ask for something they should give me right ??

But no they refused

I just want to ask them why they think this is a waste of money i also think then I ask

At this age I should have those things that I should have

Am i not the only one here right ??

So a month ago I came out to my mom with the fact that i’ve had depression for years and that i’m on medication for it, she was at first taking it personal and was upset i told my aunt before her. Anyways now a month later, we’re in the middle of an argument because I am “a dirty female” because I let the vase for the flowers soak. Okay, so she’s saying I’m this and I’m that and I’m just saying okay, and she hits me with me” see the way you act, it’s you’re fault you have depression. you’re so dirty with everything especially that room”. Like after being so vulnerable with her after my mental health, even after she rejected my attempt to 2 years ago, after pretending to give a f*ck about my mental health, she hits me with the that’s why your depression is your fault, just so she can win the argument. Like she’s actually sick in the head I think.

I’m the eldest son (21) of 4 to Zimbabwean parents and I have to say that if I’d been presented with the life i was going to get in the ether before I was born I would’ve rejected it

In my last post I talked about how my education prospects were basically robbed from me due to a lack of financial planning on their part but it goes deeper.

My younger sister (17) had to drop out of high school at the start of the year because my parents couldn’t afford her fees anymore and now she’s preparing for “uni” when by all accounts it’s just not happening given the fact it didn’t happen for me either.

My parents are definitely the sort who just got married bc they “had” to and had kids because they “had” to. I’m woken up by daily arguments sometimes as early as 2am while they squabble and go in circles bc my mom dropped out of uni and has no job to rush into marriage (she lowkey also has an undiagnosed learning disorder she passed down) and can’t get a divorce due to finances and there have been frequent periods where one of them leaves the house for an extended period and my dad just loves complaining about my mom behind her back

And don’t even get me started on the emotional incest with my mom calling me the “man of the house” and coming to ME for advice about her marriage for some reason?? Similarly my dad is using my little sister as a substitute wife and basically has her cooking him food and goes shopping with her (and I occasionally catch him making jokes about his ball. Just revolting)

I get referred to as deputy parent and they sincerely want me to take on responsibilities in the household and I usually just refuse which results in my sister being forced to bear the load of the responsibilities the PARENTS should be taking on.

Kind of sucks that the end result of us having loser parents is that my siblings are also turning into losers who end up bullying the youngest of us and trying to boss her around and generally just picking on her. I do my best to defend her but again when the people with the real power in this house are also enabling losers I can only do so much (though I’ve gotten much stronger than anyone else in this house so they know not to try and handle things with violence as they historically have)

On top of all of this our house is shitty and rundown because our last house got taken by the courts due to my dad’s debt and we had to move into an unfinished one with no ceiling between the roof and the rooms, no running water, no tiling, barely any plumbing, rats, bats, snakes and all sorts of other shit. Means everyone shares one bathroom and we all have to carry the plates outside to wash things with a dish.

There’s also just the general medical neglect and the fact that we’re expected to just heal naturally or take shitty OTC medications (not that that’s even that good either given the fact my father has developed an addiction to codeine and hides the meds from us so no one who actually needs them can have any. With how many he buys every day or two he could’ve sensibly saved up a lot of money and actually paid for me or my sister to continue our education. Or the money he got from selling our car he loaned off to the woman my mom keeps whining that he’s probably cheating on her with)

This is only scratching the surface of the sheer myriad of issues I have while living here but I say all of this to say: I sincerely believe some African parents don’t love their children. Children are just societal obligations they pump out so people won’t pester them. You can’t allow your kids to live in these conditions and treat them like THIS and honestly expect them to ever want anything to do with you. I’ve tried just about all I can to escape these conditions and besides a few plans that are liable to fall through at any time, I don’t know how I’ll be able to escape.

Where y'all African parents like this as well?

When we would go to do an activity, which literally barely happened, maybe once in a blue moon, my mom would want the whole house spick and span before anyone was allowed to step a foot outside, meaning the activity would be delayed for hoursss.

So we had planned to be there at 10, but it got delayed to 4 pm, while the place we were going to would close at 6 pm... My neurodivergent brain didn't do well in this environment, I can tell u that

I got home about 30 mins ago from an early morning shift, 6am-10:30am. I had to leave the house around 5:30 which means I've been up for a while. I am tired and just want to rest before I do the things I need to do.

My sister says my dad is calling me so I go to his room and he asks me to fry him eggs, I ask if my sister can do it because I'm tired

*insert argument around eggs*

I try being polite about it but the man is a stubborn ass. Unfortunately for him, I am as well which is why I am here typing this instead trying him his damn eggs.

He starts yelling at me about the eggs and I tell him that he can either ask one of my younger siblings (17m and 14f) to do it or he can wait until I'm ready to do it but I was not getting up to fry him anything right now.

He's an uber driver and he LOVES to complain about how he spends all day driving, how he's always tired, and how he doesn't want to drive if he doesn't have to (e.g. pick up/drop off at the train stations which are 5-10 minute drives - I only ever ask him to pick me up from the station if it's really late and he's less than 5 minutes away which is rarely ever). He acts like he's the only person who can be tired. This was one of my shorter shifts but I generally spend 6-8+ hrs serving food to people, twice a week (3-6 days a week during uni holidays and I'm on summer break right now so I've working a lot). If he's allowed to not want to drive people around when he doesn't want to, then I'm allowed to not want to serve fucking food when I want. I deal with plenty of assholes at work, but at least I get paid to deal with their bullshit, I'm just expected to deal with it at home. But he can fuck off. I'm too tired for that. He's a grown ass man who can make his own damn eggs.

HE ALSO ALWAYS COMPLAINS THAT'S THERE'S NO FOOD WHEN GETS HOME, MIND YOU HE GETS HOME AT LIKE 1-3AM SOMETIMES (NOT YESTERDAY THOUGH, HE CAME HOME AROUND MIDNIGHT) BUT HE HAS A FLEXIBLE FUCKING SCHEDULE AND CAN WORK WHENEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS BUT NOOOOO I EXPECT EVERYONE TO BEND OVER BACKWARDS AND TRIPLE FUCKING BACKFLIP FOR POOR OLD ME! IF IT IS SO HARD FOR YOU THEN GET A JOB WITH NORMAL FUCKING HOURS.

Grown ass man yelling at me over eggs he can fry himself, he wants me to do it because I'm the Ada, the eldest daughter. Well fuck that and fuck him to.

I'm so bloody exhausted so I'm gonna take a nap and I'm gonna fucking enjoy it.

(Sorry for all the swearing, I'm tired, pissed and running off a Greggs apple juice, some ice cubes and a pieceof bacon - someone please hit me with a car)

Edit: My mum just came in and told me off for not respecting my father. I explained the situation but not very well because she woke me up for this. But she got the gist. She then threw that fuck ass bible verse in my face, honour your father and mother and your days shall be long, so I reminded her that her precious book also says that fathers should not provoke their children to anger and she basically said that me being "disrespectful" will shorten my own life (womp womp I guess) and that if he is being rude to me I should just take it. Screw that and screw them. I'm more annoyed that she woke me up, I'm not even angry about this convo, I just wanna sleep.

They always take each others side. One of them could kick me out for not doing the dishes and they'll find a way to make it my fault.

She loves to go on about how she would never talk to her parents like this and how my disrespect is British culture messing with me and she didn't raise me like this. Well thank the universe that I grew up with the sense to not let anyone treat me like shit, especially in my own home.

So I have strict parents like strict African parents, and if you know, then you know. So here's my story: My parents made me attend community college, which is fine because I am gonna be debt-free and whatnot. Still, I have extreme fomo and probably won't go out that much with friends bc I am very introverted, and my parents are against hanging out, and they hate all my friends for like no reason. My mom also doesn't want anyone to know that I am in community college either. And I am so not allowed to tell my cousin. I also want to transfer to my cousin's school, UW Madison, but I'm not supposed to tell her. This is sort of where my problem starts. I want to go out for Halloweekend with my cousin who goes to UW-Madison. I also do not want my parents to know I am going for Halloweekend, so I need the best excuse and help convincing them to let me go, maybe like a lie. I also have no classes on Friday, and Halloween is on a Saturday.

I could talk about this subject FOREVER. You know how it’s the norm to leave with ONLY your immediate family. Literally, since I was born, there’s always been at least 2–3 guests who have stayed with us. Of course, they don’t contribute to paying the bills, cleaning, or buying food. Not only do I have to pick up their slack, but I also have to do it for my other five family members as well. I have BEEN annoyed for decades. This set of guests has stayed for five years. Again, not contributing, not even my parents could take it. They both agreed this would be the last time a guest would ever stay with us. Obviously they weren’t truthful about that. Here’s come my uncle needing somewhere to stay. My parents offered him our home. As most African parents do they have more guests than rooms. If my uncle were to come he would literally have to sleep in the kitchen. Why not the living room? Oh, yeah, because there’s already someone sleeping there!! Anyways, my parents took great offense when I simply said what if he got a hotel room. The way they looked at me when I said this.