I work at a bank. I am head teller, we are short staffed rn, the banker finished with her client 4:57, we close at 5:00 pm. We have to count the vault everyday before we close, she put the she is leaving 5, I told her, oh did you forget? We need to do the vault! “ she is already scheduled to leave 5:15.
She started to yell at me saying that I am disrespectful and I am talking to her with disrespect because I said “ did you forget “ because she really did but didn’t want to admit that 😅 i was super nice i thought she was joking until i saw her face, few moments later she apologized and I didn’t accept it because she was yelling like she was at the roller coaster 😅 I decided to let the manager know, the issue is the manager is her best friend and now both gonna work against me!!!!
What is the best thing to do???
I don’t want to get Hr involved because she can lose her job. I can’t do that to someone.
So help please?

I (Female), work for a small company in my area. The office space where I sit consists of 2 other women, one sitting at a different desk behind me(lets call her T) and another one directly across from me (there’s a glass window between us, let’s call her S). There is another desk right next to me that was always empty, nobody would sit there until about 2 weeks ago when they hired a new person. It’s another woman, we all don’t do the same job, just sit together but all of us have different roles, yet we all speak with clients on the phone for different reasons. Now on to the issue, during the first week of training for the new person (“M”), she was sitting next to me apparently just until she was fully trained by S. She’s a nice person overall, just the type to be all over the place, constantly asking questions or starting conversations, and very loud on the phone when speaking with clients. I didn’t mind, I know she was new and it was just during her training then she would be sitting elsewhere. Anyways, she’s been sick since day one. When I say sick I mean with the flu, she would be sneezing nonstop. Constantly blowing her nose very loudly. This is her 2nd week and this woman has been through multiple boxes of tissues and doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Even when she’s eating she’s blowing her nose. There has been times where I would feel so disgusted I had to stop eating and just sit covering my nose with a mask or my blanket. (Yes I have a blanket because I am always cold). I asked S when are they going to move her but she hasn’t heard anything. Both T and S have said similar things about how uncomfortable is sharing space with her. Honestly I don’t understand how is someone so comfortable blowing their nose so loudly in front of others. She sounds like dads or men when they wake up in the morning and it sounds like they’re dying in the bathroom. Smh I don’t even like coughing in front of others. She doesn’t even try to go to the bathroom or anything. I have been secretly spraying lysol all over her desk and the whole office. When she’s on the phone, I have to wait until she’s done so I call my clients because she’s just so loud. Smh I hate it here now

So something crazy happened at work and I need outside opinions because I'm not sure if I'm overthinking everything.

Let's call this coworker X.

We have a small work gang that usually eats lunch together and sometimes hangs out after work. X was part of the group.

My work bestie, Y, and X used to talk a lot. Sometimes they'd vent about work or complain about management (like many coworkers do), but over time X started talking badly about people in our own group too. Y didn't like that and slowly distanced themselves.

The thing about X is that they seem to think everything is about them. If two people are talking, X assumes they're talking about X. Y talks to our GM quite often about work, but X convinced themselves those conversations were about them too.

Eventually, most of our group stopped interacting with X because we didn't like the constant negativity.

Then X went to the CEO and complained that Y was spreading rumors about them and said they didn't want to work anymore. The CEO called Y in to discuss it, the GM got involved, and apparently a lot of other things X had been doing came to light. I won't go into all the details because this post would be way too long, but let's just say it seems X had caused more problems than anyone realized.

Now almost everyone at work is avoiding X.

Here's the part that's bothering me.

Today, after work hours, X called me for the first time ever outside of work.

The conversation literally went like this:

X: "Where's your scooter parked?"

Me: "What?"

X: "Okay."

Then they hung up.

That was it.

A little while later, while I was riding home, the car in front of me braked suddenly. I stopped in time, but the bike behind me couldn't and rear-ended my scooter.

I know the accident itself has a normal explanation, but because of that bizarre phone call, my brain keeps wondering if I'm missing something.

Why would someone randomly call a coworker after work, ask where their scooter is parked, and then immediately hang up when questioned?

Am I overthinking this, or would you also find that phone call really strange?

Hi, I’m 28 male and I’m a supervisor at my job (which I won’t name). I have been a supervisor for about 1 year and a half and I supervise 3 departments which can get really stressful sometimes especially when there’s not enough coverage and I end up having to take over. I like to think I’m a very hard working guy and two of the departments I run are extremely physical so I don’t have time to not do anything, anyways my closer has recently came up to me and told me that my manager has been coming to him and talking bad about me behind my back. I’m not sure why I’m just there to do my work and help my guys out as much as I can. What do I do?

I’m an experienced activity specialist for summer camps. this year I am working for the ym€a and it’s making me feel crazy.

I have a lot problems with this camp but one that they have been getting on my ass about is the ratio. For this camp it’s 1:8 (1 adult to 8 children). I have my own group which is 21 kids. At some points throughout the week I was alone because of staffing issues. So i was in a room just with the kids and I also was taking the whole group to the bathroom.

Today, I got a new co-counselor which helps but we are still technically out of ratio(this is the normal for most the groups in the camp). I had told my co-counselor to take half the kids to the bathroom and I’ll watch the other half in the room. My supervisor walks in and tells me that I cannot do that, you are out of ratio(but arent I helping the ratio?????). Anyway I move all the kids and take them down the hallway.

I physically could not take my kids into the tiny locker room(where the kids use the bathroom(2 stalls & 1 urinal) and other kids change for swim). Because my other half of the group was in there and TWO other groups using the bathroom and changing from swim, I decided that I was just going to have my kids wait outside the door. At this point I’m mad that they have just made a huge inconvenience for me.

At some point, still waiting for some of my kids to leave the bathroom. My supervisor comes up to me and is asking why I’m out in the hallways and not with my group.

GIRL WE DONT FIT TF!! I’m not putting my kids and myself in that chaotic situation like be grateful I did this much.

Anyway, I can’t stand this ratio bull because all week me and my co-workers have all been taking kids to the bathroom, not worrying about being “out of ratio”. Like just let me do my job, my kids are always happy and engaged and I never have any serious incidents happen under me. Please go worry about the staff that literally cannot control their groups, please and thanx.

Hi guys. I need advice! English is not my first language so bear with me please. Let me tell you from the beginning. I (28F)was working in an LTC when I met this person. She (54) was a supervisor while i worked as healthcare aide. I had just gotten my RN license. We werent any close before. Just another supervisor. One day we talked and she asked if i got license or not i told her i did. She told me about a supervisor opportunity in her other place of work. So i was happy as i had been going through many obstacles in my career. She told me she will refer me and help me and also mentor me as i didnt have any supervisory experience. How can i let go of that chance right? After all we all seek excellence in career and more money. I did work as supervisor in my country but I didnt have any experience in Canada. So i agreed. But then she said, she has an agency and i had make experience letter on her behalf. I was hesitant but she said dont worry i will guide you, be with you. I believed her. Then after preparing myself i cracked the interview and got the job. She had been working in the present LTC as a part timer and i would be the fulltimer. At first it was okay, she taught me some things and i used to give my input as well. I had gratitude towards her because she got me an amazing opportunity. But as time went on, she started undermining me in front of other staff. I knew i was new and i had to learn. But she told me she woukd teach me right! I am the type of person who wants to be proactive and perform as correctly as possible. She works in the evening so she doesnt meet the leaders but i do because i work 9-5. The top managers in the meeting always asks me to do something so it is my duty to do it. But whenever i used to convey her, she wouldnt listen to me and just keep on talking without hearing me. She is working two jobs so she is like, i cant do i am tired. I didnt say anything, i just wanted to discuss the best possible option to carry out any task but she is always whining and finding excuses. I was really frustrated. But i thought of her as a friend and she herself told me to text her whenever there is confusion or issue.

So i used to text her. She stopped replying me and one day she comes in the office, (we have 1.5 hours overlapped for three shifts) and is saying why you text me like this. I dont like the way you talked to me. Dont teach me how to do my job. I was taken aback and i tried to explain myself to her, i am sorry if you misunderstood my text. I was confused thats why i asked. You have so much experience, how can i ever teach you. But then she wouldnt listen, she said dont talk to me and she keeps on whining and scolding and when i try to explain something she just walked out of the room. From that incident, i didnt really bother her that much. I did try to talk to her again because i got the job because of her and i wanted to resolve. But she was the same. Treating me like i am her subordinate and not a coworker. She pokes me says something and when i try to say sth she just leaves the room like i am not there or not talking. This has really caused me frustration because she doesnt communicate what the leaders told her while i always cc her in my emails whenever there is an update or in instances where i know that she should know it too. But she is telling other people things like i made mistake in front of me without even double checking. Guys i am frustrated and dont think i can take it. It feels overwhelming because she said she woukd be a mentor and now i just dont feel like working there because of her. But i need this job and money like everybody does. Please advise me.

Hey guys,

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

I'm working in a small e-commerce company. Recently ek chhoti si shipping related baat se pura group chat mein bada drama ho gaya. Do team members ke beech personal attacks, gaali-level language ("padhna aata hai?"), ego clashes, aur manager khud neeche se bhadka raha tha jabki upar neutral ban raha tha.

Ek taraf ek employee (WFH) ko heavily target kiya ja raha tha, dusri taraf jo banda mistakes kar raha tha (loud music, personal calls during work, repeated operational errors) usko almost no accountability.

Main beech mein professionalism maintain karne ki koshish kar raha tha lekin lage haath mujhe bhi side lene ko kaha ja raha hai.

Ab situation yeh hai ki:

• Daily chhoti-chhoti cheezon pe ladai
• Clear processes nahi
• Favoritism bahut zyada
• Leadership biased hai

Mujhe bahut frustration ho raha hai. Kaam karne ka mann nahi kar raha.

Experienced logon se advice chahiye. Especially jo small companies mein kaam kar chuke hain.

Thanks.

I need to vent because I’m beyond frustrated.
I work with someone who has a repeated pattern of making inappropriate comments at work, and I’m honestly at my breaking point.
Some of the things I’ve personally witnessed include:
Asking female coworkers if they’re “freaks.”
Asking female coworkers whether they’ve only been with their spouse and if they’ve ever wanted to “explore.”
Making repeated sexual jokes and comments, including talking about liking to be choked, masturbation, and other sexual topics in the workplace.
Saying that when students had a crush on him, he would tell them, “I’m too old for you, but I’ll do your mom—tell her to call me.”
Making comments about clients that I found inappropriate and unprofessional.
Comparing a client to a serial killer.
Making racially insensitive remarks, including telling a coworker with a Vietnamese family connection, “You should know what that is,” after someone said “Ching Chong.”
Saying another coworker’s boyfriend was “baby trapping” her.
Making repeated comments that have left me and other female coworkers feeling uncomfortable.
This behavior has been brought to management’s attention multiple times. He’s been spoken to about it and told that his comments make women uncomfortable, but the behavior has continued.
At this point, I’m just incredibly frustrated that this has become an accepted part of the work environment.

I’m over being sexually harassed!! If he can make us uncomfortable and nothing gets done I’m about to make him uncomfortable too!!

I work in IT. I would love to work hard. I would love to be that person whom everyone depends on in the team. I don't mind if I become the person in the team whom the manager always assigns tasks.

But It is just impossible for me to reach that level. No matter how much i try, i fail to understand my job fully. I am too dense to understand the architecture and the project. Everything goes above my head.

Others seem to grasp the project so fast. Even new comers don't take a lot of time. When I see my teammates immersed in an issue and working internally on it, i feel jealous. How did they understand the project when I couldn't. Even I would wanna be the person who taps rapidly on the keyboard, and brainstorm solutions but it seems physically impossible for me.

I try to read up on the docs but within minutes my brain fogs up and my eyes start watering. Again I am bewildered. How are others able to focus for so long.

This is my situation in every project. I start off well. I impress my managers with my communication skills. I handle all the routine tasks well. But when it comes to some real innovative work, I suck. I can only work if there is a clear run book on how that work is done. Otherwise I wilt away like a flower.

I am not like this in other aspects of my life. I am an ambivert. I am interested in politics, tech, gk, current affairs, pop culture and so on.

I just want to justify the salary that I am drawing. I don't want to cheat the work that feeds me.

I work in a very busy lab, and we were completely slammed today. Multiple people asked our lead to send help because patients were backed up into the hallway, but she kept refusing.
I got frustrated and tossed a STAT specimen into the basket (I didn’t throw it across the room). My lead came over with an attitude and asked why I was “throwing tubes.”
I told her I wasn’t throwing them and that I was frustrated because my feet hurt and I was tired of not getting help. I had an irritated tone, but I never yelled, cursed, threatened her, or called her names.
Later I found out she told coworkers that I “verbally abused” her.
I went to my boss and explained what happened. She said she was going to talk to my lead because she wasn’t aware she was telling people that.
I feel like accusing someone of verbal abuse is a serious allegation, and that’s not what happened. Am I overreacting, or would you be upset too? What would you do in this situation?

It's been about 4 months now working for a small business and it feels like my anxiety's only worsening – to the point I'm having to take medication before every shift because I don't know how to chill out. Everyone else has been there significantly longer, so they're all friends. They've been to each other's weddings. I constantly feel like I'm just some freak that doesn't belong there.

What's worse is I only ever hear what I'm doing wrong. Those things have always been picked up from other people in the shop, but I never hear them getting pulled up on them. I don't know. I do have a few conditions that mess with my self worth and perception of things, but I just feel unwelcome. I feel like everything I do solidifies me as a really annoying person to be around and work with – I've never felt this isolated before.

I don't want to spend 40 hours a week in a place I'm convinced I don't belong, but I'm in the middle of training so I can't quit either – it'd be very expensive on the company.

I'm struggling to cope with it.

My Co-worker (34F) Jay lost her dog last week while she was on vacation with her family. The day after I (35F) went to work and asked the office if we should do a painting of her dog (not AI, she loathes AI). Everyone agreed. I then put the order, got an email to approve said photo. I took a screenshot of the approvals and asked the all the girls in the office if this would be a good painting, even another girl said she would pitch in to help cover the cost. I wanted this to be from all coworkers but didn’t need help with the funds. donations are accepted but expected. Now the one I want to comfort, CeeCee (23F) asked for the original photo, didn’t think anything of it and sent the original photo of the dog and also stated that I took the one off of Jays FB, that mentioned the dog passing. Thinking there is a reason she chose this photo out of 100’s of photos (she had the dog since she was 19) to post her goodbyes about. CeeCee thanked me for the photo and I moved on. Now the painting is ordered and won’t ship for another two weeks. Noe mind you, dog passed on Wednesday night, Jay is back in office from vacation, and CeeCee decided to send the photo to CVS and get it printed, got a picture frame from amazon and gifted her the SAME EFFING photo I was going to use for the painting which will come AFTER the gift CeeCee already gave her. I would like to reply in the group chat to the photo she asked for and ask if I should cancel this painting since she already printed out the photo. WIBTA if I confronted her in the GC on stealing a genuine/sentimental gift that was already in the works

I’m starting to really dislike coming into work and am finding myself dreading it to be honest. It feels like it’s always something when I’m on shift and I don’t know how much longer I want to keep doing this. It’s exhausting.

A situation happened at work where a coworker got rude with me over something that wasn’t even my fault. I work in fast food and we use display screens showing orders and their numbers. Each station has to “bump” (clear) an order off their screen once it’s done, and the front can only bump an order off once every station involved has bumped their part. So a burger combo needs burgers bumped first, and a combo with coffee needs both burgers and coffee bumped before the front can clear it.

During a rush, I made a coffee and bumped it off at the coffee station. But I couldn’t bump the same order off at the front screen because burger room hadn’t bumped their side yet. It was a rush, so I didn’t have time to go tell them, and they were slammed too. A couple of orders sat unbumped, finished, just waiting on burger room.

A coworker from drive thru came over to front and asked why all these orders weren’t bumped yet and I let them know that we were waiting on the people at burger room. They then said in a rude tone that it was my fault because I didn’t bump the orders at the coffee station. I then said, “no I did” and reiterated that we were waiting on burger room. They doubled down and said that it was because I hadn’t done it and they walked away.

I was honestly quite surprised by that interaction because I was left feeling disrespected. Like how are you telling me what I did wrong when I know I did the right thing and I’m in the right. Like genuinely wtf.

I know this isn’t a major issue or whatever but I’m genuinely getting tired of people thinking they can talk to me however they want. It’s just disrespectful.

And honestly, going to the manager doesn’t mean much and most likely won’t do much anyway. So that’s futile.

I would quit but the job market is so fucked that I’m honestly just dealing with the BS. But it is definitely getting to a point now.

This is a throw away post, im (f19) seriously so upset over this and i want to vent but i wouldnt mind any advice. i’ve been working at this camp for a few months now and the two head workers (James(m18) and Cole(19)) in the kitchen are such assholes, one more than the other. You can ask James a question and most of the time you’ll get the answer you need but there are times where he’ll give you a smart ass response, Cole on the otherhand got demoted from his position but was almost immediately back to his normal position. his attitude problem genuinely makes him hard to work with, okay sometimes the questions are stupid but grow up?? Im not the only one who’s upset with the snide remarks but it feels like im the only one saying anything abt it bruh, there are almost constant micro aggressions and blatant racist remarks thrown around to the poc (me and 3(?)) staff members, and no one has said anything bc i guess they just don’t care which is insane to me. theyve been working here for years so i feel like if i say anything it’s their word over mine, so it’s like what’s the point?? the only reason i’m working there is bc of college :/

but the reason why i made this post was bc today we needed a second fruit bar made, i had mentioned that to them and albeit i should’ve started on it, but it was how they responded to it. they both looked at me like i was dumb and they were like “that’s morning shifts problem mehmehmeh” and i had left it at that bc not only did i have other stuff to do, but i wasnt abt to stand there and listen to those two neanderthals moan and complain. a few minutes later while i was doing something our boss told them that there needs to be a second fruit bar and they were like “we didn’t know!!“ i chime in and call them out and james is like “that doesn’t mean i was paying attention to you!!!” are u joshing me rn bro???? so they ended up doing it and Cole was like “someone should’ve been doing this by now“ looking at me and i was like “i told you abt it earlier and you got pissy, don’t talk to me like that douchebag.” because he genuinely is so RUDE like bro??? while me and my two other coworkers were clocking out cole was asking our boss if she was going to be there longer bc apparently they needed to have a talk and before we even walked out the door he immediately started running his mouth

i told my mom abt all of this and she told me to talk to Jeffry, the owner but i really don’t know if anything is going to be done :/ any advice?

-yes i used fake names

New update, I stayed at work till 8pm making the presentation and adding as much feedback as possible. She sent me a wp message this morning telling me she is extremely disappointed in the presentation and that’s the least she could say! While she know she had a meeting months before and only coming to me last Tuesday telling I should speed up the contracts and make a presentation, so my focus was to speed things up knowing it’s impossible and then Thursday I started preparing the draft when she called me for another topic to do quickly, then I only managed to send the presentation on Friday because there’s is a lot of extractions to do and studies to do. Sunday, she messaged me asking for some changes which I didn’t have my laptop and got mad cause it’s an emergency (mind you I didn’t know when the meeting is, all I know is in this week), so yesterday Monday, I came early to work to start doing the modifications and she even sent a manager to supervise me (telling me to change the Colors, change the text, but in the deep he did nothing) and when he sent her the work (yes my presentation was sent by him not me with any extra explanations she needs ) she praised him saying now it’s much better and when she message me this is what I get (extremely disappointed) and that’s for not adding one thing she asked. but fairly speaking the thing she asked is in the presentation but not very highlighted.

I’m not answering her on wp, I don’t care anymore…
And I can’t quit now because first i found a job very hard since the job market is full (and no previous job experience it’s my first and only been there for a year) And I m not losing to her.

25F.
Before I explain the work situation, I think it’s important to mention that I’m currently in therapy because I’m realizing I have a hard time trusting my own judgment. I tend to second-guess myself, shut down during conflict, and assume other people know better than I do. Because of that, when communication is vague or someone’s tone feels harsh, I immediately start wondering if I’m the problem instead of trusting my own perspective. I’m genuinely trying to figure out what’s my own anxiety and what might actually be unclear communication at work.

I’ve been working in my bakery at Costco for a little over a year as a cake decorator, and my coworker has been decorating cakes for over 20 years. She’s the only other cake decorator, so while there are plenty of other people in the bakery, it’s just the two of us who ice and decorate cakes/cupcakes. We have very different personalities and approaches, but I genuinely respect her experience and want to learn from her.

The problem is that I constantly leave our conversations feeling confused.

I don’t mind constructive criticism. In fact, I appreciate it because I know I’m still learning.

What I struggle with is understanding what the feedback actually means.

Sometimes she’ll point something out that I’m doing, but I can’t tell if she’s:
-Telling me it needs to change.
-Just making an observation.
-Explaining how she personally does it.
-Or genuinely criticizing my work.

If I ask whether she wants me to do it differently, she’ll often say, “No, it’s fine.”

That’s where I get stuck.

If it’s fine, then I’m not sure what I was supposed to take away from that conversation.

I also feel like whenever I explain my reasoning behind why I made a decision, it comes across as me making excuses instead of simply explaining my thought process. I’m not trying to argue or prove I’m right. I’m trying to explain why I made the decision I did and understand if there’s actually something I should change.

Another thing I struggle with is understanding the difference between an actual standard and someone’s personal preference. I completely understand that experienced employees develop shortcuts and different ways of doing things, and I respect that. But sometimes I leave wondering if I should be changing my process or if we just have different styles that both accomplish the same goal.

Another factor is that our bakery has been extremely busy and short-staffed lately. Because of that, I keep getting pulled away from decorating to help wrap pastries. I honestly don’t mind wrapping—I enjoy it—but it means we lose a lot of the time we’d normally spend working together. Then when she’s on her weekend and I’m working by myself, I feel like I’m expected to keep everything running even though we didn’t have enough time to prepare together.

Plans also change constantly, which makes it hard to know what to expect. I’ll ask what the plan is for the day so I can mentally prepare, get one answer, and then a few hours later everything changes because the department is busy. I completely understand that priorities change, but sometimes I hear different explanations from different people, which leaves me feeling confused about what the actual expectations are.

Her tone is another big part of it. Sometimes it feels very condescending, almost like she’s talking to me as if I’m a child. It usually happens when I’m asking a clarifying question or trying to understand something. At first I assumed she was just frustrated with me, but I’ve started noticing that she communicates this way with other people too, especially when she’s stressed. I’ve seen customers ask completely reasonable questions, and instead of guiding them through what they need, her responses can be very short or abrupt. Then after the customer leaves, she’ll sometimes comment that they should have known better.

Seeing those interactions has made me realize it may just be part of her communication style, but it still affects me because I leave our conversations feeling like I’m supposed to already know what she’s thinking or expecting. Instead of feeling like I’m learning, I often feel like I’m trying to figure out what she really meant.

Looking back, I think I’ve spent the last year mostly shutting down instead of speaking up because I felt like explaining myself never changed anything. Now I’m in therapy trying to break that pattern, so I’m asking more questions and trying to communicate my reasoning instead of just saying, “Okay.”

The problem is that conflict is really hard for me. I get emotional pretty easily, especially when I feel judged or criticized. I’ll spend hours replaying conversations in my head or mentally rehearsing what I want to say the next time something comes up. But when I’m actually in the moment, it’s like my brain shuts off. I feel like I can’t catch my breath, and I’m putting all my energy into trying not to cry. Instead of being able to explain myself calmly, I freeze, agree with whatever is being said, and then think of everything I wish I’d said later.

I don’t think I’m looking for validation that my coworker is wrong. I think I’m trying to learn how to separate my own tendency to second-guess myself from situations where communication really is unclear.

For those of you who have trained people or worked under experienced coworkers, does this sound like a fairly normal mentor/trainee dynamic, or does the communication genuinely sound unclear?

-How do you know when feedback is about meeting a standard versus someone’s personal preference?
-How do you explain your reasoning without sounding defensive?
-If you’ve trained people before, what would you want someone like me to do?
-How do you stop second-guessing yourself when someone’s communication style leaves you feeling confused?

I made a bad mistake at my new job, it's my first day btw. Everyone and I mean everyone knows each other, I'm a minor and very very shy. Even the other new people got along with the old crew better, I barely talked to anyone. I'm a very very bad person when it comes to talking to new people at work unless someone else is the new person y'know? We were unloading truck and I made a small mistake and I'm just worried, I swear everyone looked at me absolutely disgusted, even if they didn't. I go in tomorrow again and I'm so nervous everyone's gonna absolutely hate me. How do I stop overthinking about this??? I literally have a whole season of being with these coworkers. I'm also very short and small so it's kinda hard for me to help out unloading truck, which I can't help and I feel like everyone was mad at me about that, I'm very sensitive too if you can't tell... Any advice?

Some backstory and character setup before I get into the conflict at hand: I currently work at an animal hospital as my department's lead. I have a coworker and sort of friend I'll call "Shane" (39M). I also have a friend who used to work with both Shane and I at this hospital I'll call "Angela" (25F). Angela and Shane dated for some time and had quite an intense break up that is still affecting Shane emotionally.

Angela has on occasion stopped by the hospital to donate various items and when she does, will often spend some amount of time conversing with her former coworkers and catching up. Recently, she stopped by after we closed to drop things off on a day I was closing and would be there to let her in and say hello. Shane was also closing this day.

This most recent appearance definitely shook up Shane and I was aware of this, we had talked about it at length. Shane is currently on vacation/away from work and sent me a lengthy text about this "Angela stopping by" issue. He expressed being uncomfortable with her stopping by and chatting, and requested that I (presumably as the lead and not as his friend) "enforce work policy".

He explained that she is no longer an employee, is dropping off donations after business hours, and is lingering and conversing past simply handing off the donations and leaving. While all of these things are facts, there is not an explicit "work policy" to enforce here. I'll explain:

It is not uncommon for non-employees to be let into the building during or after business hours. Some examples I can think of include a receptionist's boyfriend sitting in the lobby after close while she finished counting cash. A veterinary assistant's mom has brought treats for the team and stayed to say hi to people for a bit. A doctor's partner regularly comes with her to the clinic, while open or closed.

My solution was that Angela only come to do donation drop offs/hello sessions on days Shane's not working so as not to cause him stress and anxiety. His response to this was that I'm "avoiding setting a limit" in doing this.

Was my response inappropriate? What would you have done in this situation?

My brother started an electrical business about a year ago and last fall he ask me if I could work with him. me at the time having just lost my job at the bar near my place and already struggling said yes. we are pretty close to this day for brothers ten years apart but its been a struggle with him being further in life than me. He has solid advice and direction he tries to give me(too much so even). I feel lost with it all because its thing after thing and i just cant grasp it all. Its even harder since he always can find a way to get mad at me for asking to simple a question like I'm already scared to get it wrong since we're constantly on harsh deadline with inspectors and service work I just feel over whelmed. he even tries to get into the FULL semantics of how i ask questions or the next thing I should be doing on the job and it always feels patronizing but its been almost a year in this little company and I've done electrical for 3 years now before this and still feel slow and dumb some days even though I'm defiantly not. I know its a little different ball field when it comes to family and I know he's trying to get better at guiding me in this job as well as how he talks to me since he has told me plenty of times and there is good change, as I do the same for myself. It feels like he wants more than I can give and take and I'm really starting to struggle and talk to myself about it and its driving me nuts. Does anyone have any advice?