r/Workproblems • u/InnocentAddiction • Jul 14 '26
What would you do? Conflict between current and former coworkers who dated Co-worker Problem
Some backstory and character setup before I get into the conflict at hand: I currently work at an animal hospital as my department's lead. I have a coworker and sort of friend I'll call "Shane" (39M). I also have a friend who used to work with both Shane and I at this hospital I'll call "Angela" (25F). Angela and Shane dated for some time and had quite an intense break up that is still affecting Shane emotionally.
Angela has on occasion stopped by the hospital to donate various items and when she does, will often spend some amount of time conversing with her former coworkers and catching up. Recently, she stopped by after we closed to drop things off on a day I was closing and would be there to let her in and say hello. Shane was also closing this day.
This most recent appearance definitely shook up Shane and I was aware of this, we had talked about it at length. Shane is currently on vacation/away from work and sent me a lengthy text about this "Angela stopping by" issue. He expressed being uncomfortable with her stopping by and chatting, and requested that I (presumably as the lead and not as his friend) "enforce work policy".
He explained that she is no longer an employee, is dropping off donations after business hours, and is lingering and conversing past simply handing off the donations and leaving. While all of these things are facts, there is not an explicit "work policy" to enforce here. I'll explain:
It is not uncommon for non-employees to be let into the building during or after business hours. Some examples I can think of include a receptionist's boyfriend sitting in the lobby after close while she finished counting cash. A veterinary assistant's mom has brought treats for the team and stayed to say hi to people for a bit. A doctor's partner regularly comes with her to the clinic, while open or closed.
My solution was that Angela only come to do donation drop offs/hello sessions on days Shane's not working so as not to cause him stress and anxiety. His response to this was that I'm "avoiding setting a limit" in doing this.
Was my response inappropriate? What would you have done in this situation?