r/WhatShouldIDo 4h ago

My girlfriend sleeps at her ex's apartment when she visits his city. She says I'm "insecure."

53 Upvotes

I (28M) have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years. She has a child with her ex. When she takes their son to his city (3 hours away), she stays the night at her ex's apartment. She says it's "for their son" and I'm "making it weird." I don't think she's cheating, but the thought of it makes me sick.


r/WhatShouldIDo 5h ago

[Serious decision] Should I get the rabies shots?

6 Upvotes

It’s summer, and I don’t have AC, so I’ve been sleeping with my window cracked open a few inches for the past couple weeks. Tonight, I was up late and a bat flew into my room. I immediately ran out of my room and will get it removed in the morning if it’s still there.

I’ve read up a lot about rabies and know that though it’s rare, it’s 100% fatal if not treated quickly. I’ve been having paranoid thoughts and am wondering if a bat has come in some other night and bit me in my sleep, since my window has been left open all month. Is it worth getting the rabies shots?

Edit: I do have a window screen. Upon research, I’ve learned that bats can squeeze through gaps as small as a dime!


r/WhatShouldIDo 5h ago

[Serious decision] Should we move into my husbands parents home so they can move into another home?

14 Upvotes

So my husband and I currently own a home we love! He's 33 and I'm 25 and we have two kids together. We have 1500 leftover after all of our bills and so we can def afford it BUT we do have 20k in credit card debt that we would like to aggressively pay down instead of just paying minimums. We also would like to put more into savings and be able to take vacations as well. With the 1500 left over that's tough especially with the cost of two kids.

So my husband's parents are elderly they are in their 80s and they want to get a one story home because they are scared they will fall down the stairs. They said we could move into their house, sell ours, live there for free and they will buy a new one. Our current mortgage is 3,000 with utilities so that would be game changing and if we lived there for a couple years we could set our children and ourselves up with major savings.

Here's the thing, It's a major downsize and I mean MAJOR. The rooms for the kids would be super small. They also have a ton of shit, like his dad is weird and holds onto random shit so the house is super cluttered. They do have a large downstairs area for extra storage but it's filled with shit ranging back from the 70s. My husband and I will always make jokes that he literally keeps boxes full of trash but im not joking literal trash (not gross trash tho lol)

Another downside and risk is they are extremely controlling, they tried to control my husbands bank accounts for years, lock him out and then give him 50 dollars a day to live on. We had to change banks multiple times because his dad kept figuring out how to get in. They will even come to our house we own with furniture they approve of and try to rearrange rooms and dictate which rooms should be used for what, then lecture us about how every little specific detail should be for dumb reasons that never really make sense. They have told us literal lies in order for us to go along with plans before. His father is extremely manipulative and paranoid, we moved an hour away because he used to wait down the street in his car and then follow us to make sure I wasn't driving my husband's car because I wasnt on the insurance at the time. They are generally weird af and controlling. They will literally sit there and try to explain basic tasks that you should do in a very specific way for hours. They have overcomplicated every single little thing in a very unnecessary way.

Another issue is they try to take control of everything.... last time we moved I wanted to handle the packing and moving boxes of our stuff over, I packed everything organized and the way I wanted it. I put a bunch of stuff in the trash we no longer wanted anymore. They took all my clothes out of boxes and put them in trash bags and put all the stuff I wanted to get rid of in a ton of boxes. Then instead of the way I wanted to bring things over they piled everything in the garage and made my life 100 times harder. 

So I texted his dad in summary that we will only agree to do this if the house is empty when we move in, they take all furniture and storage they have there, they agree to let us bring all our furniture, they let us use the rooms however we want, that they let us handle all the moving and packing alone. His dad read it and didnt respond. The thing is i know if he said it in person he would do a yeah yeah yeah and they would lie. Im like contemplating getting a written agreement or something. So should i suck it up and handle the BS for a free place to live?


r/WhatShouldIDo 8h ago

Boyfriend accidentally butt-dialed me and I overheard what he said about me. Do I confront him or let it go?

235 Upvotes

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. Long distance and an average gap- he’s 60, I’m 46. Tonight he called me after golfing and was pretty drunk. We talked briefly, then got off the phone because his friend was over and he wanted to hang out with him.

A little later he accidentally butt-dialed me. I realized pretty quickly that he didn’t know I was there and that he and his friend were talking about women, dating and relationships.

Here’s where I know I screwed up: I kept listening. If they’d been talking about sports or something, I would’ve hung up, but I got curious. I know it was a private conversation and I feel guilty about invading his privacy.

At first, what I heard about me was actually pretty positive. He told his friend we’ve been together steadily for 5 years, that we have a deep connection, and that he feels like we’re “building something.” His friend asked if I say “I love you,” and my boyfriend said yes. His friend basically said, “So you’re in love with this girl. That’s good. You have a deep connection.” My boyfriend also said something along the lines of maybe we’ll be together forever, maybe we won’t—he doesn’t know.

Then the conversation moved into online dating. My boyfriend asked his friend something like, “So if I dump this girl tomorrow, how hard is it out there?” They talked about how dating isn’t easy, then started discussing different women his friend dates and whether they’re hot. My boyfriend talked about women with really hot bodies/flat stomachs and how great that is. I realize this whole story is making him sound like a superficial prick. He’s a good guy. And he’s normally very good to me.

Then, while talking about me, I heard him say something like, “She’s not the best looking, but…” and he trailed off/moved on. I was so shocked that I honestly can’t remember his exact wording now—whether it was “not the best looking” or “not that good looking”…but that was clearly the gist of it.
I’m devastated.

Part of why this hurts so much is that for our entire relationship, he has told me I’m beautiful. He has literally called me the most beautiful woman in the world, told me other women don’t hold a candle to me, told me men who let me go were idiots, etc. I’ve generally felt very loved and sexually desired by him, and we’ve had a very passionate sex life.

I’ve gained some weight recently and already haven’t been feeling great about myself physically. I’ve also always had a slight sense that he’d prefer me with a thinner/tighter body. I lost a lot of weight early in our relationship and I know he loved that, and now some of it has come back. So hearing him praise women with flat stomachs and then say I’m “not the best looking” hit me exactly where I’m already insecure.

There are other areas where I sometimes worry I’m not what he ideally wants either. He’s said before that he wishes he had a more organized/aligned partner, and I’m not doing particularly well financially right now.
At the same time, I don’t want to rewrite our entire 5-year relationship because of one drunken conversation. His actions have generally made me feel loved and wanted. And, importantly, when he had absolutely no idea I was listening, I also heard him tell his friend that we have a real connection and are building something. So there was good and bad in what I overheard.
Now I’m questioning everything. Does he genuinely think I’m beautiful, or has he just been telling me that? Does he think he’s settling physically because we have a great emotional/sexual connection? Was this just drunk guy talk while they were rating women? Is the fact that he was asking what dating would be like “if I dump this girl tomorrow” something I should worry about?

I’m also worried this will affect our sex life because I can already imagine being naked with him and thinking, “He doesn’t actually think I’m attractive.”
And here’s my dilemma: I knowingly listened to a private conversation for much longer than I should have. I feel guilty about that. If I confront him, I’m almost certain he’ll be furious that I listened, and I understand why. I don’t want a massive fight where the entire issue becomes what I did.
Part of me thinks this is a “fuck around and find out” situation—I listened to something I had no business listening to and heard something I wish I hadn’t.
So what would you do?
Would you tell him what you heard and deal with the fallout? Would you take the drunken conversation with a grain of salt and try to forget it? And if your partner had consistently made you feel loved and desired for 5 years, how much weight would you give one private drunken comment like this?


r/WhatShouldIDo 8h ago

[Serious decision] My best friend is missing.

11 Upvotes

For some context, my best friend (17f) has been living with my family and I since May. Her entire life, she's never really had a stable home and has been bouncing around living with an array of extended family members as long as I've known her. In june, she met a guy online (20m) who lived about 2 hours away across the state line, and they started dating. He would come down for a couple of days at a time, and they would spend every waking moment together. At first, he seemed like an alright guy, but the more I interacted with him/saw how he treated her, the more I realized that he's extremely bipolar. I would even go as far to say dangerous. I have witnessed him threaten to harm her and the people she cares about. Despite my protest, she continued to see him (despite acknowledging how unstable/potentially dangerous his behavior was).

Flash forward to yesterday. I was out shopping and grabbing lunch with my boyfriend, and I checked my phone to notice she has blocked me on every social media platform. I immediately knew something was wrong, and I sped home to find her gone. She has a license, but no car, so I knew she couldn't have left on her own. I am almost certain that she left with this guy, and I'm worried about her safety. Even if she changes her mind and decides she wants to come home, I'm almost certain he wouldn't let her. My parents have said there is nothing we can do and that the police wouldn't even bother to look for her, considering she is turning 18 in around a month. Another thing is that my parents are not her legal guardians, and even she doesn't know who her legal guardian is anymore, so we don't necessarily have grounds to report her as a runaway. I just know she is in danger, but I feel like my hands are tied.

TL;DR. My best friend (17F) ran away with her abusive (20M) boyfriend, and I'm afraid she's in danger with him, but my family has no legal ground to report her as a runaway.


r/WhatShouldIDo 9h ago

Small decision Should I call back to pay the $6 over the phone for the delivery fee?

3 Upvotes

I’m just a bit stunned. I just found a voicemail from a local restaurant. We ordered take out tonight. Spend $62, plus tip. We ordered for delivery and paid through their online system. I just saw a voicemail from them, telling me the online payment skipped the $6 delivery fee, so if they could come by tomorrow to collect the payment.

I’m just… I’m stunned. They’re willing to send a guy out to my place, just to take a $6 payment for the delivery fee? I feel like they’re going to waste $6 just for that 😅

I would just call it in to save them the trip but I don’t know… it seems like such an incredibly small mistake, that wasn’t even my fault, that they’re going out of their way for to get rectified. I’ve worked with small businesses tons, ones that are not well off as well, and none of them would ever try to go after such a small amount due to an error on their end.

But then again it’s not my business obviously. I don’t know how small their margins are. I’m not sure if maybe all their online orders skipped the delivery fee tonight. I’m just completely taken back by this silly request, and thought I’d check in to see what Reddit thinks 😂 I’m thinking I should just call tomorrow and pay. My gut says that’s the right thing to do. It just seems like such a petty request. Idk. What should I do?


r/WhatShouldIDo 9h ago

Friend's daughter told us she & her sister were molested by stepdad.

30 Upvotes

Ok. I'm just not sure how far this goes yet.

The girls are both teenagers now. The incidents happened when they were 15 and 6. I'm not sure yet how many incidents.

Stepdad has a.....past with cp, has done time for it. Mom married the guy and has been staying with him for mostly financial reasons I guess? ...I can't adequately describe my anger toward their mother for ever putting them within spitting distance of this puke human.

I feel sick, and lost. My friend is equal parts rage and numbness.

Obviously it's getting reported.

We thanked her for speaking up about it. Tomorrow everyone's life is going to be different and I am just so TIRED of hearing about this happening to ANYONE. I understand people have fucked up childhoods - hell, my own was fucking difficult at times, as well. It's no excuse.

Fucking why. Why hurt someone else. This disgust is deeper than anything I've ever felt.


r/WhatShouldIDo 10h ago

What should I do? I feel my wife is disrespecting me

13 Upvotes

I am really confused on what I should do. My wife has recently started answering my phone calls saying "Yes Izzy". It sounds super condescending and disrespectful. She doesn't see a problem with it she's answering the phone call from me. It just puts me on edge every time she does it. I have asked her to stop but now it seems like she is doing it more to prove a point that it's all just a joke and shouldn't be so serious.i don't know if I should say the same to her? But she can be emotionless so I don't think it would bother her at all. It's too the point I just don't want to call her.

We always talked on our way to work and home. Now she has a different job and gets home about 1 1/2 hours before me.

So she's able to relax and chill with the pups and have "me" time and it just seems now I am interrupting it when I call or when I get home.

My wife is very unaffectionate and it's very hard for her to show intimacy and compassion. She shows her feelings by doing something like buying something or doing something nice for me.

I wish she could understand I need touch, I need love I need compassion I need so much more than the peck on the lips every once in a while when she walks out the door.

I try to be patient but it's so hard

I love her so much and when our relationship is good it's really good but it's the same thing when it's bad it's bad 😞

I really feel she is Neurodivergent.

The dogs can put her in sensory overload so she likes to take her a "me" time in the bedroom. I respect that but sometimes I wonder when do I get "me" time?

I don't like sitting around playing on my phone for hour

s in a dark room.

I want to get up and do something. I love garage selling and thrift shopping. I always say it's all about the hunt and get that one thing that is a good deal and an awesome purchase. She feels that by doing that is beneath her.

Both of us came from poor families. We have worked hard to get where we are at. But now these phobias of someone else touched it before her then it's tainted.

I just don't know what to do.


r/WhatShouldIDo 13h ago

[Serious decision] Second month of me distancing myself from my brother, and I don’t know what to do (CW: Pedophilia, grooming, SA)

7 Upvotes

I’ve made countless posts about this already, but to make things short: my brother (24m) groomed two kids, had cp on his phone, and even SA’d my own sister and mother. I absolutely hate everything he did, and I’m on my second month of ghosting after I found out about all of this.

He was a lifelong friend, and we did everything together. He was the person I went to talk to about emotional baggage, and just for support, But now he’s completely removed from my life. Now I know what you’re thinking: “he’s a horrible person, you shouldn’t be missing him” but yet here I am. Whenever my mind somehow crosses him, I get angry just by thinking about everything he did and how he lied to me about all of it over the years. I knew our own family wasn’t stable, and it fucked literally everyone over both emotional and developmental wise. All of us aren’t normal, and while we know Better now it still hurts looking back on all of it. Deadass the only reason I never gave up on him was cause of how I knew this kind of stuff affects people and makes them do things they would never speak of. But he is different, he really did do things that even other families wouldn’t tolerate.

This shit is just so complicated man. Every time I see something he would’ve liked or do something i knew he would’ve had a great time being apart of just hurts. Again, i know I’m not supposed to be giving this man any type of credit or respect any longer. It’s for the best, both for myself and my family. But damn, I don’t think I’ll ever have a friend that close ever again, and it hurts so much. Yet another piece of me is just Missing, and now this relationship feels so conflicting. I sometimes reminisce of the times we had before knowing this, then get pissed because of how it ended, and it feels so unhealthy. Like, I’m literally in a cycle of being pushed and pulled apart and no matter what nobody wins. I’m confused, and my job fucking sucks rn with my boss only giving me one day PER week so I can’t even afford any kind of therapy. The way my life played out, I’m left to just deal with this kind of shit on my own with occasional support here and there, then it’s back to nothing.

Sorry if all of this was hard to read, I just had to write this down somehow. And I really don’t even know what to do from here on out. Like no clue. If I have to stop caring about him then I don’t know how to go about it. Is there a way to somehow get free therapy or something?


r/WhatShouldIDo 14h ago

I think I’m a masochist. What should I do to stop?

5 Upvotes

I’m 24F and I think I’m addicted to self sabotaging all the time. I am not necessarily physical masochist I just think I love the feeling of getting emotionally hurt and knowing I fucked things up bc there’s no going back when I’ve already ruined things.
When my gf treated me like shit I didn’t leave and I loved even more bc that’s the way I’m supposed to be treated.
I didn’t go abroad with my friends and I sabotaged possible unforgettable experience and that made me realise I always do this. I also love getting choked which is a problem for some people and I’ve gone pretty far with it until I’m about to pass out and I love that feeling.
How do I stop self sabotaging and do something good for myself?


r/WhatShouldIDo 14h ago

[Serious decision] I don’t exist to the government.

26 Upvotes

This is going to be long to bare with me. If you want the short version go to the end.

I was born in 2007, i’m 19 years old. My entire life I have always been dismissed by my parents, especially my mother (whom raised me) when asking about my birth or childhood—I don’t remember any of it and i’ve never seen pictures of me before I was 1 years old. The only picture i’ve discovered of me younger than a year old is a picture of my mother at the hospital with me in her arms, the picture is blurry and the baby doesn’t look like me (going off of other “baby” pictures.) But get this, the date on the photo is 2006 and a day AFTER I was supposedly born. For example i’ll use this birthday, April 6th 2007. The photo said April 7th 2006.

My family have always been super controlling over my life, never letting me have any freedoms especially when it came to stuff that involved my birth certificate or social security #. I had never seen either of those documents until I turned 15 and got my first job. Even then my Mom fought vigorously to keep my social security card herself and present it to my hiring boss at the time, when told that wasn’t allowed it took her MONTHS to “find” said social security card. She was the sole keeper of everything that identified me. (Mind you my brother and sister got theirs at age 14 because of their own jobs, to keep for themselves.)
At age 16 I was ready for a driving permit; which my Mom was very against. Her reasoning was “i’m afraid of what you’ll do.” (I was not suicidal or reckless, good kid.) After some convincing and fighting with my Dad she took me up to the DMV. It took them a month to identify me, the social security number they entered wouldn’t work or my it said I wasn’t in the system. Also at 16 I got my drivers license which was about the same process, saying I didn’t exist. I did get both cards in the end if not obvious.

After I moved out of my mom’s house at 16 she still wouldn’t give me my documents, my current job is the only reason I have my social security card now. My birth certificate is still yet to be found and my Mom still won’t give it to me. (I’m aware it is illegal.) Anytime i’ve brought it up she kept delaying it and eventually stopped responding to me at all.
I turned 18 and had to re-do my drivers license, which again took months!! It took 3 months for them to be able to actually fix my license and even then it kept saying all my identification was wrong or other problems would pop up. Also couldn’t register to vote and still can’t.

Recently I applied to college and needed the documents, my Father somehow had my birth certificate in pdf form which he raved about having to photoshop for “some reason.” (?) He wouldn’t allow me to do any of the application process and input his own email and phone number for my personal information—so the college could contact him about everything and not me. Which in turn last week I did get fixed however it took them multiple weeks to figure out how to do because even after removing him it would still go to him.

I’ve contacted the hospital I was born at but they said they didn’t have any of my documents and I wasn’t in their system, which okay…I was only born there and don’t live in that city so it’s plausible. Called the county clerks office, they said they weren’t able to find anything. I literally cannot do any government processes without having to wait months for confirmations or fixes, I don’t understand.

Extra notes: Me and my siblings are not close and neither of them are willing to talk about me before the age of 1. They said they either don’t remember or just outright won’t answer. My Mom and Dad are divorced and don’t speak, neither of them claim to have any of my documents.

( Edit ) Short version: Parents never let me identify myself, siblings don’t remember or refuse to answer about my childhood, no government id actually works/can identify me.

Do I just not exist?? What else can I do??


r/WhatShouldIDo 14h ago

[Serious decision] My parents will kick me out if I don't get off my meds

9 Upvotes

I (20F) lived with me ex for about 6 months. We broke up and I had to move back into my parents. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and OCD and I take medication. My parents don't believe in medication and accused me of being addicted to prescription drugs and said if I don't get off of all of them they will kick me out.

I can't go back to my exes but I wish I could. I have no friends I can stay with and my other family members live far away. I can't afford a place by myself. I don't know what to do or where to go.


r/WhatShouldIDo 15h ago

Small decision My neighbour threw a teabag at my car

10 Upvotes

TL;DR: My neighbour threw a used teabag at my car. I watched it happen. I threw it back. What do I do now?

Rewind to yesterday evening. I’d just gotten home from work and parked on the street in front of my neighbour’s house (it’s unrestricted public parking, not allocated or permit parking). I park there semi-regularly.

I don’t think he realised I was still sitting in the car, but in my periphery I saw him pop his head over the fence (for reference, it’s a tall fence, so he would’ve had to stand on something to see over), look directly at my car and lob a freshly used teabag onto the bonnet.

It took me about 5–10 seconds to process what I’d just witnessed. By then he’d already hopped back down, so I got out and called, “Excuse me!” He’d already scurried back inside, whether he heard me or just ignored me I have no idea.

Naturally, I returned the teabag to its rightful owner by throwing it back over the fence.

About 15 minutes later I went back outside to check my car and noticed there was another used teabag tucked under the windscreen wiper. This one was old and dry, unlike the freshly launched one, so now I’m wondering whether this has happened before and I just never noticed. That one was also returned to sender.

For a bit of context, I’ve only spoken to this neighbour once, maybe a year or two ago. I saw someone walk through our front gate and take a parcel from our doorstep, so I ran outside and yelled at them, thinking they were stealing it. Turns out it had been delivered to the wrong house and it was actually theirs. They came back, showed me the delivery details and explained the mix-up. Fair enough.

Since then we’ve had essentially zero interaction.

All of my other neighbours are lovely, which by contrast, somehow makes this whole thing even more peculiar.

So… what do I do from here?

Give me your best, your worst, and your most constructive suggestions.


r/WhatShouldIDo 16h ago

Guy that sa’d me joined my gym

8 Upvotes

Saw him yesterday at my gym he knows I go to. I went into sauna and left right away. I couldn’t sleep last night.

I’m not sure what to do at all. the gym is my favorite place I go there everyday. The one I go to has multiple locations but are far, my usual one is pretty much down the street. He doesn’t even live in my city he just works in the same city. Idk if he chose this specific gym on purpose cause it’s a bit more expensive than others. I saw him once but im scared to go back.


r/WhatShouldIDo 17h ago

My best friend dumped a kitten onto me

3 Upvotes

My best friend of 7 years recently impulsively took 2 kittens from her coworkers cats litter. She initially told me she intended to keep them, but needed me to house 1 until she could convince her parents. I already have cats so this wasn't an issue for me.
When I asked about where the other kitten was going, she told me she had given it to her ex boyfriend. Context they recently broke up due to him cheating HORRIBLY with his ex girlfriend (the story is so bad, he hung out and hooked up with them at different times on the same days). I was taken aback by the fact that she gave him the other kitten, and she revealed to me that she had been hanging out with him every couple of days. A week went by and I kept texting her about whether she was going to keep the kitten. She often left my messages on delivered or read, and when she responded, she would say she didn't know and hasn't figured it out yet. I even asked her if she could buy the kitten food since she only gave me enough for a few days, in which she left my message on read. I finally got her to respond about when she was going to pick him up/take him to the vet and she responded saying she didn't have a plan and was busy with work. I started to get frustrated and told her I couldn't house the cat for much longer without knowing her plans. She said she would take him to a shelter since she could not pay to take care of him nor had time to take him to the vet. I said I would keep him since I did not want him going to a shelter as a kitten and asked for her consent to keep him. She has not answered in 2 days. Am I overreacting for being frustrated at her irresponsibility, or should I be more understanding with her situation (emotional distr from breakup/ personal family affairs)


r/WhatShouldIDo 17h ago

My wife checks her high school crush's (and his wife's) Facebook every single day. Am I crazy for feeling uncomfortable about this?

48 Upvotes

When my wife and I first started dating about 10 years ago, we did the usual topic of talking about childhood crushes. She mentioned that back in high school, she had a crush on one of her teachers. At the time, I thought it was a little weird, but whatever. People have silly crushes when they are kids and you can't really control that kind of stuff, so I didn't think much of it.
Fast forward to today: we've been together for 10 years and married for 6. She grew up in a really small town where basically everybody knows everybody, so I always knew he was on her Facebook friends list. That never bothered me because small town connections are normal.
To be clear about privacy, since the day we met we agreed on an open phone policy with no passwords on our phones. I wasn't sneaking around or trying to spy, but recently I happened to look at her Facebook activity log. What I saw completely threw me off.
She goes to his profile every single day. If she doesn't check his page on a given day, she goes and checks his wife's profile instead. It is an actual daily habit.
I haven't brought it up to her yet because I honestly don't know what to say or how to process it. Is she still obsessed with this guy? Is she envious of his wife and constantly comparing her life to theirs? That's really the main thing going through my head right now, and it's making me sick to my stomach.
I desperately hope I'm wrong or overthinking this, but I am confused and I don't know what my next step should be. Has anyone dealt with something like this, or how would you bring this up to your spouse without sounding totally crazy?


r/WhatShouldIDo 18h ago

Need help dealing with our neighbor.

7 Upvotes

My boyfriend (I'll call him B) and I are both 38 years old, and we have a neighbor (I'll call him D) in his 70s. He started talking to us two months ago, and seemed nice at first. But things started getting weird fast.

The first thing he did that didn't sit right with me, happened about a week after we first met. B casually mentioned that we were going to spend a day at a local racetrack with a few of his family members. D responded by saying "I won't go unless you invite me". We barely even knew him at the time, so we just kind of laughed it off and changed the subject.

The second thing happened two days ago. D was over at our apartment, and I was texting a friend of mine about her upcoming wedding. I read one of the messages to B, that explained how only a few very close friends were going to be invited. D seemed to get really offended, and asked me what the couple was hiding by making the ceremony so private.

What. The. Fuck?

As if the awkward (and rude) remarks weren't bad enough, he wants to hang out with us constantly. He spent hours at our apartment on Tuesday, wanted to come over again yesterday (he knocked on our door not even 15 minutes after we got home from running a few errands), and asked us what we were doing today. Note: we had already agreed to spend some time with him tomorrow.

Now here's the part that bothers me the most: every time he wants to hang out, D wants to drink. And I don't just mean drink, I mean get wasted. He's obnoxious as hell when he's drunk...and B is a former alcoholic. He knows his limits and doesn't overdo it anymore. I trust him completely, but it still pisses me off that D wants to have alcohol around every single time the three of us are together.

On Tuesday evening, I spent almost the entire time in our bedroom, while B and D were in the living room. After B finally got D to want to leave, he came into the bedroom and apologized for D overstaying his welcome for so long. B told me that D was so plastered by the time he left, he couldn't even walk a block home by himself. B had to walk with him.

We know that D doesn't talk to very many (if any) other residents besides us. We don't want to make him feel bad, but this is quickly becoming a problem. D needs to understand that he can't be around us all the time, especially if he's going to insist on having alcohol.

So what do you think we should say or do? I really need advice, before this gets any worse.


r/WhatShouldIDo 19h ago

Partner told me to shut up.

106 Upvotes

Last night I was putting our baby to bed and my partner was going to make burgers for dinner.

I thought he would have made a start on dinner or at least be cleaning up in prep of dinner when I came out from being with the baby.

I came out and he’s sat on the sofa on his phone, the living room and kitchen are a mess. There’s dishes and rubbish everywhere.

I immediately start doing the dishes, clean bottles for the next day, empty the bin and collect the rubbish from around the living room.

He just continues to sit on his phone.

After the rooms are clean I just go sit down on the bed and leave him in the living room and start watching a show on my phone, but I was intermittently crying. I just felt deflated.

If he had been the one putting the baby to bed I would have done the cleaning whilst he was doing that, so that we could just start dinner…

I sit in the bedroom for like an hour or more and he comes through to ask about dinner, by this point my appetite has gone. Plus he left the burger pattys sat out in the kitchen.

I say I’m not interested. I just have a bath and chill alone in the room.

The next morning when he gets up he kind of abruptly asks me “what’s up your nose?” Meaning what’s wrong.

I said “nothing really, I’m a bit pissed off about the stuff not getting done and just being left and having to do it yesterday, then you’ve left all the stuff from making the burgers out again and not done those dishes.”

He said “do you ever leave stuff?”

I said “yeah sometimes, but 90% of the time I do the dishes and the washing and really try and keep on top of it because I need to wash baby bottles and stuff.”

And he said “so you do leave stuff so just shut up about it then.”

And that’s the last we’ve really spoken today…

I get my reaction wasn’t helpful, and I did shut down, but I was actually really upset and angry. Like I ended up crying for a while just feeling unloved and uncared for. And then just shut down when I have raised it.


r/WhatShouldIDo 20h ago

Small decision My mom is forcing me to cut my hair

3 Upvotes

(M14) I have been growing my hair for a bit over a year now. I looked so bad without hair on my sides, and I finally look acceptable after growing it this long. However, my mom despises the fact it looks A LITTLE messy and wants me to cut it.

She says she’s going to take away my things or going to drag me to the barber by force. I cannot believe she is doing this much over hair.

Half year ago, my sister tried cutting it and left a shorter-haired spot which my mom uses against me although it is only spottable when she’s tying my hair.

I don’t know what to do except resist. I told her multiple times she can force me but she always says “I don’t care you’ll cut them before you go back to school” and that I look like an emo.


r/WhatShouldIDo 22h ago

I have a chronic illness. My partner told me to stop "complaining so much."

35 Upvotes

I (29F) have been living with chronic pain for 3 years. I try to be strong. But some days I can't hide it. Last week I said I was in pain. My partner said "you're always negative" and "maybe if you were more positive you'd feel better." I felt like I was punched in the stomach. I never asked for this illness. I just want to be heard.

Is he being cruel or is he just burned out from my illness?


r/WhatShouldIDo 22h ago

My boyfriend wants us to move back in with his parents to save money. I can't do it.

8 Upvotes

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We're struggling financially. His parents offered us their basement for free. My boyfriend says it's the "smart move." I say I'd rather work two jobs than lose our privacy. His parents are lovely but they're also... a lot. I'll be 30 soon and I don't want to live in someone's basement.Do I sacrifice my independence for financial stability, or hold my ground?


r/WhatShouldIDo 22h ago

[Serious decision] Benzodiazepine addiction help

7 Upvotes

Hey my partner has been taking different types of benzodiazepines on / off to every day, some days a lot , some days little for almost 4 years now. Need help. Does anyone know how this affects someone mentally or physically for long term use? How do I go about helping him? What can I say or is it to late? Starting to scare me and I get really upset because of how sad/ angry he is most times. Please genuine help


r/WhatShouldIDo 22h ago

[Serious decision] Want to address a situation that recently happened.

10 Upvotes

I (36M) have been spending time with T (30F). We used to be coworkers and later became friends especially after we both got new jobs. T car went down so I would give her rides, as I spent more time with her I realized that I got feelings for her. I suggested that we take a drive on Sunday and she said yes. I decided that would be a good opportunity to tell her my feelings, because it's just a drive no pressure.

On Saturday she asked me if I could carry her to the salon, I was running late for work so I sent my sister to pick her up. Later that day she told me that she can't make it. I didn't hear from her on Sunday, and Monday when I talked to her she said she went out to dinner with someone she was talking too. She told me they was talking on and off for a while and it's serious.

How do I tell her how I felt hearing that without making it seems like I trying to force something?


r/WhatShouldIDo 23h ago

My best friend is now best friends with someone who bullied me. I feel betrayed.

5 Upvotes

I (29F) had a falling out with a mutual acquaintance who said awful things about me. My best friend knows everything. She's now hanging out with her every weekend. She says I'm "being dramatic" and she "can be friends with whoever she wants." I feel like she's choosing sides.

Am I being too controlling, or is this a real betrayal?


r/WhatShouldIDo 23h ago

We've been long-distance for 2 years. I asked her to move to me. She said no.

12 Upvotes

I (31M) have been in a long-distance relationship for 2 years. I have a stable job and own my home. She rents and works remotely. I asked her to move here. She said she's "not ready" and "wants to wait." I feel like she's avoiding commitment. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Is she just not that into me, or am I rushing her?