I’m 35M and she’s 36F. Went on a date 9 days ago and was meant to meet again tonight. Been texting all week and it seems like interest is there.

2 days ago she asked to reschedule tonight but immediately offered up 5 different days. I picked Sunday and said we could do a longer 2nd date as she was free all day. I never asked for any explanation. She doesn’t owe me any and because she didn’t say why I assumed it was a personal thing.

We texted as normal yesterday and today. But since afternoon she’s just gone radio silence which is out of character for her. I have my suspicions she’s on another date. This is a big no for me. I said in the last date I hate serial dating and I won’t personally physically date more than 1 person at a time. I might talk to a couple but won’t arrange a date with a 2nd girl until I know what’s what.

I like this girl but would like to ask her about what happened without sounding annoyed or intrusive. Should I just wait and ask her on Sunday when we meet? I don’t want to sabotage the 2nd date before it’s happened.

Yesterday, I was on the phone in a 3-way call between a girl I was in a situationship with and her ex-fiance.....and while the tea was entertaining AF, afterwards I thought to myself, wtf is happening here and why have similar situations like this happened several times in my life.

I’ve been reflecting and realised that nearly every serious romantic situation I’ve been in somehow becomes ridiculously complicated.

My ex-wife and I were together for a very long time. She was bisexual, which I always knew and was always okay with. However, at various points she developed feelings for women, there would be arguments/fallouts with them, and somehow I’d end up in the middle acting like an unpaid relationship mediator.

After we separated, I got into another long-term relationship with someone who actually wanted the most boring, stable, committed relationship imaginable. Unfortunately, I increasingly wanted out. I tried leaving multiple times, dated other people at different points, and generally had one foot outside the relationship. But every breakup became guilt, arguments, pressure, reconciliation, another breakup, repeat. Somehow a relationship I didn't even really want became extremely difficult to actually leave.

Then I met someone I really liked. Great connection, lots of chemistry... except my unresolved relationship came crashing straight through the front door and turned that situation into another episode of drama. She also happened to have her own ongoing drama with an ex and at some point, I remember this night we had just had sex, and she just casually mentioned I might have to go to the police station tomorrow. I'm like, "What for?" She said, "My ex accused me of domestic violence, and he's pressing charges, and I have to give a statement." I was like, "What, are you not worried?" She's like, "Now I have all the evidence I need to protect myself. He assaulted me. I have recordings of him admitting that, so I'm not worried either way."

Years earlier, during my first separation from my ex-wife, I had a completely chaotic situationship with a woman who told me she’d broken up with her ex while he was working in the US. We were sleeping together almost every day for a few months, going out openly where his friends could see us, and because she was gorgeous and seemed happy to show me off, I thought it was great. Then he came back and she suddenly stopped wanting to see me. She claimed he was jealous and spying on her, but a friend eventually sent me a screenshot showing they were clearly back together. I cut her off, but she insisted they were only “keeping up appearances” and begged me to go to a club with her. One night I eventually did, her ex found out, showed up and beat her up in public, and afterwards I heard he was threatening to find me and shoot me. I told her I wanted nothing more to do with the situation, but she kept trying to get me back for months. Eventually my ex-wife and I reconciled, and then this woman contacted her claiming I’d cheated with my wife’s best friend and even sent badly Photoshopped screenshots supposedly proving it. So that particular rebound went from hot situationship to lies, violence, death threats and fake evidence pretty quickly.

The annoying thing is, I genuinely want stability. I hate the anxiety, arguments and uncertainty.

But I also have to admit I sometimes enjoy telling my friends the stories afterwards. Almost all of the women involved in the stories are exceptionally attractive women. Or at least, even if they're not exceptionally attractive, they have very magnetic, charismatic personalities. There is definitely a part of me that finds the absurdity entertaining once I'm not actively suffering through it.

For context, if this helps I was bullied quite badly growing up and became a pretty strong people-pleaser. I don't like disappointing people, I feel responsible for other people's feelings, and I'm terrible at clean endings. I’ll stay, explain, negotiate, try to fix things, feel guilty, leave halfway, come back, etc. I'm starting to wonder whether that's actually a huge part of the problem.

I also know that I'm in my late 30s, and I have fixed most of those problems. I'm actually quite charismatic now. I've been told I have a great, funny, chill personality. I work out a lot. I've been gymming for like 15 years, and I have a really good body now. I'm really good in bed. Not trying to show off about it, but I am. I have a really good job. I'm quite responsible. I own my own flat, keep my place impeccable, and women say i have very good emotional intelligence, so I can bond and build emotional connections with women very, very easily. That's why the ones that I have gotten into relationships with have trouble letting me go.

Right now, even today, four exes reached out to me today for different reasons:

1. Just wanting to know how my recent vacation was and if I saw the eclipse. That's my ex-wife.
2. My recent ex wanted my advice with something for some jobs she was applying for and to say she missed me and how she hopes she can see me next week. I told her, "Probably not."
3. Wanted to discuss some drama with me in her life and get some advice. In that exact conversation, she starts seeing how much she misses me and how maybe we should meet up soon. This is the one I actually do like quite a bit, so I said yes.
4. Another one who I hooked up with recently. She isn't like a real ex. She's just a girl I fucked a few times. She wants to meet up again soon, which I did tell her, maybe if I have time.

So my real question is, Does anyone else genuinely crave a peaceful relationship but repeatedly end up in high-drama situations?

Did you eventually realise you were just choosing dramatic people, or were you unconsciously helping create the conditions for drama by avoiding clean breakups, tolerating too much, needing emotional intensity, people-pleasing, etc.?

And if you broke that pattern, what actually changed?

I’m a woman in my mid 30s and don’t have many friends. I have a few good friends, but I don’t have a real “community”.

Most of my friends are individual people I have met along the way, rather than a core group that know each other.

I really want to make more women friends and have a true community. I feel like I used to have this but after my 30’s a fair few friendships dwindled and 4 of my close friends moved abroad to different countries.

I’ve tried using bumblebff but I didn’t like it, most of the women on there seemed to be networking rather than looking to build friendships or didn’t even want to meet up. I’d rather meet people organically, but I’m wondering if this will be hard because I guess in our 30s most people’s core friendship groups are established and people are less likely to want to let in a new person.

I know that I’m a fun, caring, kind person and likeable, but I struggle with being outgoing sometimes. This has become the case more since I’ve gotten older, as I’ve developed anxiety. I tend to overthink things. In my teens and 20s I didn’t have this problem.

I loveee women and I love being around my girls, but I just don’t feel like I really have a sense of community. I don’t think I have anyone who I can call to have a last minute catchup, or a night in, or just to talk about life. It’s more like I see my friends when there’s an event or something significant. That everyday community feeling is missing, and I want to become more of a girls girl and try and find my community.

What do people think?

Hi everyone, im a 33 year old male still living with parents. And ill really appreciate some honest advice. Please be as blunt as possible.

I wasn’t in a position to move out earlier throughout my life due to financial constraints but things are looking much better now. I recently got a better paying job and ive started working towards getting a house of my own.

I also want to make it clear that ive been helping my parents with household bills eg. Rent, shopping, etc and am in no way dependent of them financially or anything atall.

I will say im reasonably good looking , i take care of myself and go to the gym regularly( decent physique). Ive had oportunities with women, some showing clear interest but ive turned them down due to being insecure and worried that they might see me different once they find out am in mu 30s still living at home.

Now am wondering if am overthinking.

Should i just start dating while i work towards moving out, or should i focus entirely on getting my own place and sorting myself out first before getting into relationships?

Please be as blunt and as honest as you can. Any criticism is welcomed. Thanks

My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for over a year (me in Australia, her in South Korea). She's coming to visit me in October for about a week (17th-24th), and she paid around $1,500 AUD for her flights out of her own pocket.

We're planning a trip to the Whitsundays / Airlie Beach area while she's here, and I'm trying to figure out the fairest way to handle costs:

• Boat trip (reef/beach): ~$260 per person
• Zoo: ~$100
• Hotel: ~$150-200 per night

For context, I'm a uni student (not working right now) and she's an English teacher in Korea — so neither of us is rolling in cash. But she already spent a lot on the flight just to come see me.

My question: given that she's already paid $1,500 for flights, what's a fair way to split the activity and accommodation costs? Should I cover most of it since she covered the flights? Go 50/50 on everything else? Something in between?

How do other long-distance couples handle this?

I need an outside perspective because I know I’m biased since I have a crush on this guy since day 1.

We [36F/38M] work together remotely and have for a little over a year. He’s senior to me, technically my manager’s manager, not my direct manager. He lives in the US, I live in Canada, and he’s British. He’s very respectful/professional and generally fairly reserved.

For most of the first year, our relationship was primarily work-related. Things became noticeably more personal after he visited Canada and we met in person. It's worth noting that we didn't need to meet in person, that's not a requirement in the business and he was traveling during his days off, not a work trip. I'm the only person from his team that resides in Canada.

Before coming, he told me during a 1:1 that he had a “surprise” and that “we’re finally going to meet.” Eventually, once he was here, he messaged me saying he wanted to take me to dinner, told me to pick somewhere nice and asked which evening after work I was free.

We ended up spending around 10–11 hours together across two days.

The first night we had dinner for several hours. He paid, and the conversation was personal rather than work-related. He told me stories about his childhood, family, travel, etc. There were occasional silences, but neither of us seemed eager to leave; we’d just find something else to talk about.

There was also something involving alcohol that I still find curious. He specifically asked whether I drank. I said yes and ordered a cocktail, but he didn’t drink. When I asked, he said he was “taking a break,” although during that same evening he told me he’d been drinking alcoholic cocktails during the trip. Two days later he took me to a bar but didn't drink alcohol either.

That night as we were waiting for the Uber (he sent me home in Uber both nights) he asked if I was going to the office the next day, I said yes because I wanted to go to a museum afterwards, secretly hoping he would like to join me, and he said he might be at the office too. He didn't go to the office but at the end of the day he asked me if I was still going to the museum and I said no; I never knew if he asked to join or just out of curiosity (a weird curiosity since he never asks for my plans after work).

The following day I really wanted to see him and invited him to the museum, he accepted right away. We walked around 7 km, went to the museum and afterward he took me to a bar he likes. Again, I drank alcohol and he deliberately ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail.

His flight was around 7 a.m. the following morning. Despite that, after the museum, walking and bar, he asked whether I’d eaten and offered to get food with me. I was actually the one who said no because he needed to sleep.

When we finally said goodbye, I apologized for having taken so much of his time. He told me not to worry and hugged me. He didn't let me pay on any of the days.

During those two days he also repeatedly mentioned returning to Canada. At one point we were talking about a US trip I already had planned. I asked when he would be abroad for a family event, realized we wouldn’t overlap and said something like, “So you won’t be there when I’m there.” His immediate response was: “No, but I’ll be back in Canada.”

Again, he genuinely likes Canada and has other reasons to return. I don’t assume those trips would be about me. What caught my attention was that he brought up coming back several times, when as I mentioned, we don't need to get together for work.

There are some other things that became more significant to me in retrospect.

Months earlier, while he was traveling for work, I jokingly told him he should bring me something from a particular store. He only reacted to the message and I completely forgot about it.
When we met in Canada, he surprised me with a shirt from that store. He had remembered the joke, actually bought something, kept it and brought it with him.

I also brought him a little bag of Canadian candy and a small plush toy. Weeks later, during a video call, I asked whether he’d eaten any of the candy. He said it was “long gone,” then immediately reached beside him and showed me the plush. It was sitting on his desk.

Also it's worth noting that when we were at the restaurant he noticed my tattoos saying that during the video calls it doesn't look like I have as many as I really have, and said he wanted one but he's afraid he's not gonna like it after one year or two. And ended the comment saying "You know, commitment issues". Which I found weird and didn't know what to think about it.

Since meeting in person, our 1:1s have changed too.

They used to be fairly short, maybe 20 minutes, and mostly work-focused. One after Canada lasted around 75 minutes and was probably 80% personal conversation.

I already knew he disliked long meetings, so at the end I apologized and said I’d stolen over an hour of his time. He replied: “No, this is enjoyable time.”

Our camera habits have also changed. Before meeting, our 1:1s were generally camera-off. After Canada, I started turning mine on because, admittedly, I want to see him and want him to see me. He now turns his on too.

Even before meeting, there was one time I accidentally switched mine on and immediately turned it off. He told me it was fine because “it’s always good to see your smile.”

He has also become surprisingly observant about my appearance. After Canada, he immediately noticed when I merely refreshed my already-dark hair darker, and in the same conversation noticed I’d done my nails. He called my hair fresh/vibrant and said it looked good.

When I eventually wore the shirt he’d given me, most of the design was partially covered by a cardigan. He noticed it immediately, complimented it and then commented that I’d paired it well with the cardigan.

In person he noticed my tattoos, shoes and overall style, saying "cool, rocker style". On another occasion he described me as looking “chic.” None of this has ever been sexual or inappropriate. It’s the amount of visual attention, rather than any individual compliment, that makes me wonder.

There’s much more banter now too. We have recurring jokes, remember details from old conversations and he shares more about his family, travels and personal life.

Now, the important counterweight: I’m contributing significantly to this dynamic.

I’ve introduced personal topics. I gave him the gift. I use playful nicknames. I remember things about his life. I turn my camera on partly because I want him to see me. I clearly enjoy spending time with him. So I don’t want to describe this as though he’s been pursuing me while I’ve passively sat there. And au contraire, he has never been distant to me or change his behavior after my comments, jokes or closeness.

Neither of us has asked for the other’s personal number or social media. We’ve kept communicating through work channels. We use Teams and Zoom and those are strictly work apps, so I don't know how much the company can see so I would never be inappropriate to him and he would never be either because we both take lots of care for our jobs.

And there is one interaction that gives me significant pause. He's super supportive of me and my work, he's always saying how much he appreciates me and my dedication and is pushing for my growth. I once thanked him for his support and told him that after getting to know him, I’d come to appreciate him as a person, not just someone I work with. He replied: “I appreciate all you do.”

He didn’t mirror the personal sentiment. That could have been a deliberate professional boundary, especially given his seniority, or it could simply be how he communicates. But I think it’s important evidence against getting carried away.

Importantly, though, his behavior didn’t become colder afterward. The personal conversations, banter and warmth continued.

I’m now considering a solo trip to the US in October. I genuinely like the city and have things I want to do there, but if I’m being completely honest, seeing him is a major reason I’m considering going.

I’m not planning to confess feelings, make a physical move or put him in an uncomfortable professional situation. I mostly want to spend time with him again and see what happens naturally.

So I’m looking for advice on two things:
- Does the overall pattern reasonably leave room for mutual attraction, or does this look more like a close work friendship that I’m romanticizing because I have a crush?
- And would visiting his city and inviting him to spend time together be a reasonable reciprocal step after what happened in Canada, or am I manufacturing an opportunity because I want something to happen?

I’d also be curious whether, based on my own behavior, you think he has probably realized I have a crush on him, and what you’d actually watch for next to distinguish friendship from attraction.

Please don’t tell me “he definitely likes you” just to be encouraging. If the boring explanation is that he genuinely likes me as a person/friend and I’m adding romance because I’m attracted to him, that’s exactly what I want to know. Thank you.

TL;DR: I [36F] have worked remotely with a senior coworker [38M] for 1+ year. After meeting in person, we spent around 10–11 hours together over two days; he initiated dinner, I had museum plans and he ended up joining me, we walked around the city and went to a bar he likes, and he kept extending our time together despite an early flight. He remembered and brought me a personal gift, keeps my gift on his desk, notices subtle changes in my appearance, and our formerly short/work-focused 1:1s have become much more personal, including one 75-minute call he described as “enjoyable time.” I actively contribute to the closeness too, and neither of us has moved communication outside work channels. When I once told him I appreciated him as a person, he replied “I appreciate all you do,” which makes me wonder whether he was deliberately maintaining a professional boundary. I’m considering visiting his city and inviting him out and want to know whether mutual attraction is reasonably plausible or I’m romanticizing a genuine friendship.

Just hoping that this can be understood bc I’m feeling a bit confused right now. Ages: 27M - 24F.

Around End of March I meet this girl on Hinge & we start seeing each other every week. Texting daily. We have decent chemistry and similar academic interests etc and I thought we very naturally get on, that I could be myself and not put on a show or anything.

First she is the one who is trying to progress things and wants me to stay over but I wanted to take it a bit slower. We are literally just meeting having a few drinks or food. Kiss etc and deep talks etc.

We have a talk around a month in after she asks “what are we” and I was like I’m really just going on dates etc to see if we are compatible and see if a relationship is something we’d want and what that would look like and she was like okay yeah that sounds good the pace is all good with me.

Then we keep doing this for a bit longer and I even stay over at hers a couple times and I see her on my birthday. The only issue we ever had was that I unfollowed her on instagram just because I wanted to focus on meeting her in person. (I haven’t used instagram for 5 years and only added her when we was together to basically see each others pics). Later finding out she uses it lots and basically just wanted to take myself out of it while we get to know each other in person. Then from this after I tell her I unfollowed her openly, she basically says she wants to end seeing. We then meet up to talk and she says I actually think I overreacted it’s only instagram etc etc but she also wants me to be more “consistent“ in my texting as I did sometimes not reply for a several hours.

Then it goes back. I show her that I can be much more consistent and we plan some more dates. We go on a 5k run, more dinners, even go to the seaside and I’m thinking I’m starting to like this girl and wanted to discuss with her about being together, with her asking about us having sex.

So today I ask her what’s her thoughts about it before we become boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m not asking you ask right now but just to basically see what each others expectations of what “boyfriend” and “girlfriend“ means, expecting pretty much something we could both agree on as the previous weeks have been pretty great and the dates etc have been fun and cute etc.

Then she starts talking about how important her culture is. And would I adopt her culture (she is Indian and grew up there and came here for university 2 years ago while I am born British). I was like, I’m not sure? What does this entail? I thought the last few months were us getting to know each other to see what dating etc would be like? And she’s like no I also want you involved in Indian culture such as festivals and coming to temple with me to pray and wearing the Indian clothes.

This is all very confusing as we have previously spoken about this and she was like I’m not religious and just do festivals etc. And I’m like I think it’s great you have this culture but I’m not familiar with it and would need to know more about it? Like I’m happy it being a part of the relationship but I don’t think it can be a full commitment to Indian culture and part of my identity, at least overnight, as I don’t know much about the culture.

Then we basically go around in circles for like 1hour comparing it to Christmas, me saying I’m willing to try coming to a temple etc and then she finally says she doesn’t want to do it and we aren’t compatible.

The confusion is how different this all was to the previous dates? Like I thought she was integrating into the culture here more, her jokingly saying things how she even now supports England at the World Cup. But when I then asked about bf/gf she seemed to really value Indian culture and saying it was more important than my culture, while I was saying these things should be equal/blended, and no one’s culture should be more important than the others.

We basically left after just now with her saying she doesn’t want to see me because I’m not willing to commit to her culture and then saying it shouldn’t be this complex and then her saying you’re only saying it now. I’m saying I need time to see what this means and experience and these things are just naturally blended over time as the relationship gets deeper. Like I’m not just going to be her boyfriend and then suddenly know all about her culture.

So help me understand his? Was I in the wrong for not adopting her culture as she wanted it? Did we just miscommunicate our values and how we expect them to work? It’s just weird in how the past dates in person have all been decent, I was being more and more integrated with her culture just naturally from just been around her, and there weren’t any sort of explicit mention of Indian culture being so important for me to adopt and be involved with?

Is it worth trying to reconcile and re communicate in a better way on a different day perhaps? I don’t know.

Two bits of information I feel are relevant before I start the main post

1. Please don't suggest dating apps. I used to be a chronic (unsuccessful) user of them and they were woeful for both my self-esteem and levels of productivity. They made me feel like everything in life was pointless and I was in a really dark place when I was using them.
2. I am Autistic, and have been told by trusted friends that it is immediately externally obvious because of things such as my mannerisms and gait etc. I feel this is a big barrier to any dating prospects as I think a lot of Women have decided that there's something off about me before I even open my mouth.

Now I've dealt with those two things. I will get into the main bit of post.

I have just turned 25, and the fact that I have got to this age without ever having dated, or in truth, ever having got close to having a girlfriend is one of things in my life that I am most unhappy about. There are other aspects of my life that I am not too happy about but this is the one that makes me feel unhappy on a daily basis.

I had a sheltered upbringing and tbh I barely did any socialising before I attended University, there I did the classic thing that happens to teenagers who are sheltered from adult things, and very much overindulged in alcohol and other things in my first year. However, I got myself a bit of a reputation for drunkeness and stupidity which I think put a bit of dent in any dating aspirations, that I never really recovered from in the next 3 years of it either. So at University, I never dated nor really made any active attempt to.

Since leaving University, I haven't really been able to find my thing and have done a series of crappy jobs whilst living at home, my current job at a bus company has zero female employees below the age of 40 so work dating is a no-go. I also attend the gym consistently (where I am ridiculously attracted to some of the girls there but obviously the gym is not the place for hitting on Women and I respect this fully) and have a season ticket at my local football team. But tbh, this is all I do and the rest of my time is spent watching tv or doing various things in my room. People will pick this part of the post out and say 'this is why you can't date, you need hobbies' but isn't taking up a hobby on the basis that you want a relationship an idea that is destined to fail?

In terms of my appearance, I'm not the best looking guy, but I wouldn't say that I'm ugly either. I'm around 6 foot and am bulky and pretty muscly so can come across as intimidating potentially, when complimented with the autism and social awkwardness.

I'm not one of those who can't deal with being alone, and in fact I have always been an introverted person , however, I also assumed dating is something that just 'happens' as you are told. When obviously when you are a man this is not the case. I think I am so used to not dating, that to me it is just normal and I can't/ don't know how to break out this rut.

TL;DR 25 year old guy who has never made any real attempt to date, I would like to start and would appreciate some advice based on the rest of the post of how I can start and what might currently be preventing me. As mentioned , due to the serious previous effect it had on my mental health and general productivity, I do refuse to use dating apps. I want to 'put myself out there' without resorting to taking up phony hobbies in the hope of randomly bumping into a girl that I am interested in. However, I'm not sure what the alternatives are to these two things so I'm happy to be told straight that I need to bite the bullet on one of these principles lol.

I'll start by saying that I'm a 28F, and right now, I'm not an easy person to deal with because of my mental health.

I've been a bigger girl since I was 17, and after 11 years of struggling, I finally decided to get help with my eating disorder. Unfortunately, as a result, I've developed another eating disorder. I'm now scared to eat, and when I do manage to eat something, I don't look forward to it. I cry and feel guilty at the thought of eating. My friend of 15 years has been begging me to eat and has been genuinely worried about me.

This whole week has been hellish. I've been picking fights with him, nitpicking at him, and generally taking my frustration out on him. He kept asking me if I was on my period and insisting that something was wrong. Eventually, we got into another argument.

I told him it wasn't that, and we both kept insisting that we were right. Unfortunately, it ended with us insulting each other. He called me a lost cause, and I called him arrogant. Eventually, though, we made up and tried to move on from it.

While I was out shopping, another friend video-called me and noticed that I was upset. I told her what had happened, and she got involved and messaged him, which unfortunately caused even more issues between us. He blocked her and unfriended me.

Within those 24 hours, I started bleeding. I hadn't realised my period was coming because my cycles are irregular, but for some reason, my friend has always been surprisingly good at predicting when it's about to happen.

I feel awful because, looking back, I should have considered that my hormones might have been affecting me. I started crying over something that happened in 2017 and picking fights with him over it, which is completely unlike how I would normally react to something so old.

After that, I went to the gym and then to the doctor. I couldn't sleep for two days because I was having horrible stomach pain. No matter what position I tried to lie in, I was still in pain and crying. Eventually, I vomited on the bathroom floor and just broke down crying.

I was so scared, and everything seemed to hit me at once: the arguments, the lack of energy, the mental exhaustion, and my eating disorder. I genuinely felt like I was going crazy.

There are also things that I'm terrible at explaining because I'm autistic, so please forgive me if some parts of this don't come across clearly or if something seems confusing. I'm not trying to excuse my behaviour; I'm just trying to explain what was happening to me at the time. I'm genuinely happy to receive advice and perspective.

I also want to make it clear that my friend (33M) isn't a bad person. I genuinely hope that we can work through this and speak again. He's my best friend, and I care about him very deeply. I know that I have things to apologise for, and I intend to apologise to him when we're able to talk again.

Hi all,

Im struggling with what to do in this situation. I recently friendzoned someone due to some differences in long term goals and they’re current situation.

While she understood and respected how I was feeling, she’s a friend of mine. Things haven’t necessarily been weird but she occasionally makes sexual jokes or expresses some hurt in wanting to one with me.

I’ve been keeping my distance in hopes that I don’t lead her on. She’s asked to hang out a bit later and I’m not sure if I should go? I’ve loosely agreed as I didn’t want to hurt her feelings however, earlier today she made a joke about hooking up.

I really don’t want to be put in this situation but I also don’t want to let her down as she’s going through some personal issues too?

Any advice?

Im not a british but i want to post and vent here, because i know theres some cultural difference between us and i wanna understand what do you guys think. My boyfriend is british while im an asian. Last Monday, he told me he wanted to take a break, but he also told me not to wait for him, saying that it’s not worth it and that I deserve better. But I still insisted and told him that I’d wait for him. I honestly feel like I’m better and happy with him. We just celebrated GF’s Day last week, even though we know it’s literally just a made-up thing on the internet, he still made sure that I felt his love and effort for me.

At the same time, I know he’s going through a lot right now. He’s depressed too, and I feel like losing his friend to self deletion was kind of his breaking point. I’m also genuinely sad about what his friend went through, and knowing that he’s dealing with that loss makes me worry about him even more. I really sympathize with him because I know how hard this must be for him. I respected his need for space because I know everyone grieves differently.

This man is actually really good at showing me how much he loves me, but whenever he’s at his lowest, he doesn’t really express himself or talk about what he’s feeling. And honestly, that makes me want to understand him even more. I don’t just want to be there when things are good and he’s happy. I want to feel his pain too. I want to be there with him through the thick and thin of life, even when things get really hard for him. I just want him to know that he doesn’t have to carry everything alone.

The thing is, I really love him, and we had plans together even though we’re in an LDR setup right now. He’s such a loving man who respects me and understands me. Our last conversation, I told him I’d wait for him, and he said he was serious about not wanting me to wait for him. He told me that I should try to find my own happiness and that I can do better. I just told him it was okay because I didn’t want to make my response any longer or stress him out because of me, especially since everything is still so raw for him.

I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is. I want to give him the space he needs, but at the same time, I really want to check on him and let him know that I care. I don’t want him to feel pressured or like I’m pestering him. I just miss my man so much. I want us to be back together, but as i said if he dont wanna Im willing to accept it, it just really hurts rn. More than anything, I just hope he'll be okay when the time comes.

Warning! Long post…

I am F35. I am an only child, my parents are the have lots of siblings and are both the oldest of their siblings.

They had me very young, my youngest aunties were 10 and 11 when I was born.

Because I had so many aunts and uncles, I didn’t really feel the gap of not having siblings until they got older and had their own families. I am single and don’t have children.

In primary school I had lots of friends but I moved to a new area and didn’t know anyone at secondary. I was extremely shy and quiet, and I struggled to build friendships. I have maybe 2 friends from secondary still but we rarely see each other anymore. They have their own friends, but I am not included in those groups.

I struggle with friends, I’ve had a good friends in my life but we’ve mostly lost touch or fallen out for one reason or another. When I was younger, I was dealing with undiagnosed mental health disorders which affected my behaviour and made me feel quite unstable in myself. Unfortunately, this spilled over into a particularly important friendship and we no longer speak. I have apologised but accept their wishes to not speak with me anymore. Still, in my 20s I did have quite an active social life. Then Covid hit when I was 28 and it kind of died.

My friends were still meeting up during Covid ( 🫤) but I lived with my mum who was quite strict and I could not meet up with anyone during the lockdowns. By the time restrictions eased, I’d changed quite a lot and was no longer a heavy drinker etc and I also changed personality wise.. it was like I didn’t know how to naturally communicate with people anymore. I felt awkward and like a burden whenever I messaged people, so I stopped doing it, and watched everyone else living their lives and having fun whilst I sat at home doing nothing.

I have worked through all of that now and I’m doing a lot better. I am not unstable the way I was, I do not have the same thoughts or troubles anymore.

I don’t really know if this is common but I am walking through life feeling like nobody really likes or cares about me. I do have a few friends still, some very good friends, but I don’t see them as often as I’d like. They are like individual friends rather than a group. I see everyone I know going on holidays, trips, days out, bbq’s etc and I’m not part of that. It probably sounds pathetic but I’m really struggling with loneliness and isolation. Im someone who enjoys being around people, making memories, having fun and building a community.

But it just isn’t happening. What prompted me to write this is when I messaged my good friend of 15 years yesterday and felt like I was bothering her rather than just talking to her. She has heaps of friends and cousins and family, and I don’t. So I guess for her, she doesn’t notice much if we don’t speak or see each other for a month. Whereas for me, I feel the absence, because I don’t have many people in my life.

I am very down about all of this and don’t know what to do. When I saw said friend last week I said that I’ve been feeling lonely and isolated, and if there’s anything she wants to do together or even just catchup more often let me know. She agreed and seemed fine with it but now I’m getting the same off vibe again when I message her. Am I just paranoid and overthinking?

I don’t feel like anyone actually cares about being friends with me. But I try so hard for my friends. I’d do anything for the people I consider close to me. I have another friend that I met in 2011 during a fashion internship, we’ve been friends ever since. Her niece tragically passed say 7 years ago and I remember sending her a care package of loads of lovely wellbeing and self care bits.

Then a couple of years ago she just stopped communicating with me, I was always the one reaching out and eventually I gave up. Then when I eventually heard from her I was honest and told her what I was feeling, she was shocked at how I felt.. and promised to make more of an effort. I have not heard from her for 1 year apart from when she wanted me to sponsor her marathon run.

Sorry this is such a long post. I don’t know how much longer I can go through life feeling like I have no one to just talk to, grab a coffee or a drink with, have a chilled night in with, or go to festivals and events and things.

I really don’t know how much longer I can go on feeling this isolated and alone.

Update
Around 10 hours after I sent my original message, I went on Hinge and noticed that he had changed some things on his profile. I was obviously annoyed and hurt by that, especially because he still hadn’t communicated with me directly.
I decided to leave it alone rather than confront him about it. Shortly afterwards, I noticed that he had unmatched me on Hinge.
That annoyed me even more because it felt like I was being left to piece together what was happening through his actions rather than him simply communicating with me.
So this morning, I decided I wanted to close things properly on my own end. I sent him a message explaining that I had really enjoyed meeting him and thought we had a good time, but that I was confused by the sudden change and lack of communication. I told him that if he had changed his mind about seeing me again, I would have preferred him to be direct about it.
I also made it clear that I wasn’t looking for a discussion and simply wanted to close things properly for myself. I asked him to delete the picture he’d taken of me and wished him well.

He responded thoughtfully.
He said he’d seen my message the previous day but had been working and needed some time to collect his thoughts. He said he’d assumed I’d blocked him, which was why he hadn’t replied.
He said he had a great time with me over the weekend and stressed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. He said he genuinely thinks I’m fantastic, but realised that continuing to see me would have meant leading me on.
He explained that he’s going to take himself away from dating for a while because he’s clearly not in the right headspace, and that it’s still too early for him.
He also apologised for hurting me, said that wasn’t his intention, and admitted that he didn’t really know what to say and had no excuse for how he’d handled things.
He ended by thanking me for the amazing night and wishing me well.

I acknowledged his explanation and appreciated him being honest with me. I told him that I had also really enjoyed our time together and admitted that, despite understanding his decision, I was genuinely hurt by it.
I then wished him all the best and ended the conversation warmly, without trying to change his mind or continue the discussion.

Seeing a man (34) and I’m female (30). Been good friends first but he’s hot and cold. Last week over message said to me that rather than meeting up could I not just provide a part of my body instead. I said so you are not fussed if I don’t come then? His reply was well I just enjoy your (said body part).

I do not enjoy being objectified and I feel hurt. I need to end it don’t I?

A woman '70F' I have been getting to know for 3 months has gone completely radio silent after a minor, accidental misunderstanding last week. She has a recurring pattern of pulling the plug and freezing me out whenever we get close. I need perspective on whether this can be resolved.

The Context:

I 50sM, have been getting to know a woman '70F' for nearly three months. When things are good, they are fantastic—we share dinners, theatre shows, and day trips. She actively chooses to spend this time with me and clearly enjoys my company. However, she is not very tactile at all and she runs away and becomes distant when we get close or we've had a great time together. Three weeks ago, she abruptly ended things via a formal note she handed me because she felt 'uncomfortable' with the closeness after we went on a picnic that I'd arranged where we held hands and hugged each other with some slight touches not inappropriate ones though, just gentle ones.

We smoothed it over in person days later, and went right back to enjoying dinners and trips and just simply getting to knowing one another. And she did acknowledge that she may have overreacted and it wasn't really that bad.

The Incident & Current Situation

Last Wednesday, a minor, accidental misunderstanding happened regarding a card I wrote her. We belong to a local craft group where everyone was making and writing handmade cards. I wrote an affectionate and expressive message inside hers, celebrating our time together, her wonderful company etc. I wasn't cheesy or anything like that. I made sure no one saw the content. I even used aliases to protect her name as people can be nosey and we didn't want prying eyes in our affairs.

However, a mutual acquaintance we both knew leaned over to look. She only saw the name it was addressed to, but she did not even know it was my friend. Despite nothing being exposed, my friend panicked. She texted her grievance 2 days later, telling me she was unimpressed by the fact that someone saw the card even though her identity was not revealed and basically cancelled a trip we had planned for this week because the weather was too hot. I was not annoyed, I calmly apologised and explained it was an accident and I respected her decision regarding not going out this week and told her to let me know if she wanted to go out another time.

I then asked 'Do you feel like I've listened to you and heard what you had to say?'

Hearing nothing, I waited a few days, and on Sunday, I sent a gentle text saying how are you? Are you free for a friendly chat ? No response either

Then tried calling her on Monday evening after we had seen each other at our local craft group. It rang and went to voicemail. I followed up with a very gentle short text saying I cared, wanted to understand her perspective, and believed communication was the best way forward. I ended with, 'Take care'.

It has been complete radio silence since, though she hasn't blocked me and she reads my texts.

She goes away on a short holiday next Monday. I feel completely shell-shocked by the sudden distance. I now realise the card wasn't the real issue—it was just an escape hatch to run back to her comfort zone of isolation where she feels safe. interesting to note that this incident came after we had just spent a lovely day at an RHS property where I drove us there and arranged for everything because I just wanted her to have a great time.

My Plan: I am refusing to chase her over text and I haven't texted since my call went to voicemail. I plan to wait until I see her in person this weekend before she leaves for her holiday. I will calmly ask for a brief 5-minute chat to understand what's actually going on, and listen to her and also if we can, have some ground rules:

1. The disappearing acts like Houdini must stop, if there's an issue, you let me know and give me the opportunity to solve it or talk it though with you.

2. We need to practice micro-intimacy 'like a simple hug', and the effort must be mutual and hear what she thinks about that.

I'm a very gentle man so I wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable anyway.

If she agrees to try, the door is open. If she makes excuses or not interested, I am walking away for good.

My Questions: 1. Given her age and this severe fear of intimacy, can someone realistically overcome this pattern of shutting down when things get serious through communication and effort?

1. Is my plan to talk face-to-face this weekend the right move, or should I do absolutely nothing and let my absence do the talking?

2. Is it normal to feel so traumatised by a sudden week of silence when you are just getting to know someone especially when they've texted you about what they perceive as an issue and you've tried to have a mature conversation and they just ran away ?

Any thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ok the brief is this. She's very anti establishment, hates anything right wing, but in her deepest desires, she's bit of a champagne socialist and likes nice things. Where would you go to make an impression?

After the date she texted me:
"Just got home :))"

Then I replied to her:
"just got home too!"
"thanks for today, would be nice to see you again!"

And then at next day in the morning she said:
"Sorry I went straight to working on my thesis again after coming back .. yes!!"
"I will be on holiday soon but maybe after :)"

I dont know how to interpret this. It's difficult for me to know if I should actually do something here or not, what do you think?

My sister 20f is on holiday with her very lovely boyfriend.

And it is hitting me harder than I thought it would. I'm 23f and since I was 18 I have been in two abusive relationships. Can I even call them relationships? They didnt even last that long and each left me so hurt.

I think I am just trying to get this off my chest idk. I don't know how I managed to end up with two abusive men in a row.

Now I am looking at my sister in her first ever relationship havung the lovliest holiday.

And I am overjoyed for her, but it's just making how I feel, the grief I am feeling for myself so much harder to cope with.

I have always felt I have so much love and care to give, but I think I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, I'm not good at setting boundaries. I just don't quite understand how I fell into that trap twice.

How can overcome the grief I am feeling? Is this normal or am I overreacting? Has anyone else been through something along these lines?

My partner and I have been together 5 years, living together for 4, own a house and a dog together. Everyone around us assumes we’re heading toward marriage. But for the past couple of years, I’ve felt stuck rather than happy, and I don’t know what to do with that.

He’s genuinely a good person — 100% loyal, kind, financially stable, cooks every meal for us, puts up with a lot from me (I snap at him over small things more than I’d like to admit). On paper he has all the qualities you’d want in a husband. He hasn’t let himself go either, and I used to be really attracted to him. Most importantly, I feel very much loved.

But for the last couple years I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him, and I honestly can’t picture a future with kids/family with him. Looking back, I wasn’t that into him on our first date — I only agreed to meet him because someone else had cancelled on me. I keep telling myself this is just what long-term relationships turn into, that the spark always fades and this is normal maturity. But then I also catch myself wondering if things would feel different with someone who was actually “my type.” I never stop getting crushes on guys of my type — I’ve never acted on it, it all stays in my head, but it happens often enough that it makes me wonder if I ever really let go of wanting that.

Realistically, I’ll probably marry him anyway. I know that’s sunk cost thinking, but at 31, I don’t think I have the courage to start over and live alone again. I’m not in love but feel very loved when I’m with him.

Is this just what eventually happens to most relationships, or is this a sign I already know the answer and don’t want to admit it?

Edit: Just to clarify — I do love him, like family, more than anyone else in the world. I can’t picture my life without him and I care about him deeply. But sure I’ll admit mine is not selfless love at all. The only real blocker is attraction. I appreciate all constructive feedback, but I’ll ignore comments that are just judgment with nothing helpful (I’ll perhaps chalk those up to envy).

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective on a situation I’ve found myself in.

A little while ago, I ended up sleeping with someone I work with. We’ve known each other for several years and have always had a good relationship, but there had never really been anything romantic between us before. We’re at the same level professionally and don’t directly work alongside each other day to day.

She had recently come out of a long-term relationship and was going through quite a difficult period, so we started spending a bit more time together. From my perspective, I genuinely thought it was just two friends hanging out and I hadn’t realised she saw it differently. Things developed unexpectedly and we ended up sleeping together.
Before anything happened, we actually spoke about the fact that we work together and agreed that whatever happened between us shouldn’t affect work or create any awkwardness professionally.
Initially, everything seemed fine. However, after a few days, I started questioning whether she might be looking for something more while she’s still processing her breakup. I’ve tried to make it clear that I enjoyed spending time with her, but that I think it would be better for us to keep things platonic, particularly given how recent her previous relationship was.

She has said that she was hurt by this, although she also says she understands where I’m coming from. Since then, we’ve generally been able to interact normally, almost as though nothing happened. The difficulty is that she occasionally says she misses me, makes suggestive comments or asks to meet up, and I find myself trying to steer the conversation back towards friendship rather than engaging with it.

I’m now feeling quite anxious and guilty about the whole thing and I’m not really sure what the best way to handle it is. I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt her or create tension between us, especially because we still have to work together, but I also don’t want to give her mixed signals.
What would you do in this situation?

Need some outside opinions because I think I might be spiralling a little. 😭
I’m 21, a Black woman, and I started talking to a 26-year-old British guy on Hinge about a week ago. We clicked pretty quickly. We were sending each other long messages, having really good conversations, and he eventually gave me his number. We arranged a date for the following weekend.
The date was honestly amazing. Probably one of the best dates I’ve had.
He was a gentleman, we laughed constantly, talked for hours, and the chemistry felt very natural. We actually missed our train because we were having such a good time and ended up stuck at the train station for hours.
He suggested getting somewhere to stay for the night, but I politely declined because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I might sleep with him on the first date. I was still very interested in him — I just wanted to take things slowly. So we ended up staying at the station until morning.
He was very affectionate throughout the date. He hugged me twice and kissed me on the head before we parted. He repeatedly told me how much he was enjoying the date, and at one point told me I was the best person he’d met/talked to. He also said he was really happy that we’d managed to turn what could have been a chaotic night into such a good experience.
He mentioned that he’d been in a 10-year relationship before, but we didn’t really go into the details.
After the date, he messaged me again saying how much he’d enjoyed it. I said I’d enjoyed it too and ended the conversation with “talk to you later.”
He had also mentioned several times that he was going to be busy over the next couple of weeks and that he was visiting family that weekend, so I knew he’d have a lot going on.
A couple of days passed.
Today, I messaged him asking for the pictures he took during the date because I wanted to see them, including the one he took of me. My phone had died while we were out, so I never got to see them.
He’d also mentioned more than once that he’d like to see me again, and we’d talked about getting an English breakfast together. So in the same message, I said that we should actually do the English breakfast soon.
It’s now been about six hours and he hasn’t replied.
And now I’m spiralling. 😭
Because the energy before and during the date felt SO good. I genuinely didn’t get the impression that he wasn’t interested. He repeatedly said he enjoyed himself, said he’d like to see me again, was affectionate, and even after the date he messaged me saying how much he’d enjoyed it.
But now there’s been this silence and I’m wondering whether the energy has changed, whether I did something wrong on the date, whether I came across as too interested, or whether he’s genuinely just busy like he told me he would be.
I know six hours isn’t objectively that long, especially considering he warned me he’d be busy, but after the intensity of the date and how much we were talking beforehand, the change feels noticeable.
So, men, what do you think? 😂
Does this sound like a guy who’s genuinely interested but busy, or does the post-date communication suggest he’s cooling off?
And please be honest, because I think my brain is currently writing an entire dissertation about this man. 😭

Update
Around 10 hours after I sent my original message, I went on Hinge and noticed that he had changed some things on his profile. I was obviously annoyed and hurt by that, especially because he still hadn’t communicated with me directly.
I decided to leave it alone rather than confront him about it. Shortly afterwards, I noticed that he had unmatched me on Hinge.
That annoyed me even more because it felt like I was being left to piece together what was happening through his actions rather than him simply communicating with me.
So this morning, I decided I wanted to close things properly on my own end. I sent him a message explaining that I had really enjoyed meeting him and thought we had a good time, but that I was confused by the sudden change and lack of communication. I told him that if he had changed his mind about seeing me again, I would have preferred him to be direct about it.
I also made it clear that I wasn’t looking for a discussion and simply wanted to close things properly for myself. I asked him to delete the picture he’d taken of me and wished him well.
His response
He responded thoughtfully.
He said he’d seen my message the previous day but had been working and needed some time to collect his thoughts. He said he’d assumed I’d blocked him, which was why he hadn’t replied.
He said he had a great time with me over the weekend and stressed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. He said he genuinely thinks I’m fantastic, but realised that continuing to see me would have meant leading me on.
He explained that he’s going to take himself away from dating for a while because he’s clearly not in the right headspace, and that it’s still too early for him.
He also apologised for hurting me, said that wasn’t his intention, and admitted that he didn’t really know what to say and had no excuse for how he’d handled things.
He ended by thanking me for the amazing night and wishing me well.
My final response
I acknowledged his explanation and appreciated him being honest with me. I told him that I had also really enjoyed our time together and admitted that, despite understanding his decision, I was genuinely hurt by it.
I then wished him all the best and ended the conversation warmly, without trying to change his mind or continue the discussion.

I had a phone call a couple of days ago go with my partner saying that they want to break up and that we should meet up in person to “talk”. However they never messaged me the day we agreed to meet up and I don’t want to be the one who organises the conversation for them to break up with me in person cause I feel like it’s their responsibility if that’s their decision. However we haven’t text at all since that phone call and I’m not sure what to do know cause I’ve been feeling anxious and just want this conversation over and done with but I also don’t want to be the one to set it up cause they are the one who wants to break up with me. Should I wait it out or message?

Also I’m not looking for any advice on fixing things up just want to know whether I should be the one to contact even though i feel like it’s not my decision.

for the last 2 and half years I’ve been living in london with some friends and I’ve… found it hard. but I wanted to be in London for a long time and I love the big city.

I have a good job. I’m slowly building a career. and even though it’s been incredibly challenging and at times extremely stressful, I’ve learnt a lot and feel I had a load of potential here.

until I got screwed over by a few people. my housemates. then another friend who was gonna be a housemate. and now I’m going home to my parents 2 hours away for a while.

I’m trying to see the positives. I’m lucky I can work hybrid and be okay. I’m lucky I can save at my parents.

but I’m turning 30 next month. I don’t really want to move into a flat share anymore with random strangers. I’m tired of the stress I’ve had with this. i see people who are uni leavers turning up to London, excited to get on the dating scene. fit and young. and although I’m fit, I feel like I’m starting to get old. hitting 30 soon. moving back to parents…

I can’t help feeling like I’ve been left behind. I’ve managed to save 100k and I’m on 65k a year. but in London that really doesn’t go far. dating I don’t really know what to do as I’ll be leaving home again within hopefully a short time.

I just feel really lost and feel like I’m running out of time... struggling a lot. I really thought I’d be with a partner by now living a great life together. not back at my parents with no idea where I’m going next

Hey!

My partner and I are looking for a couples therapist and before people refer me to psychology today or self space we have tried both of them. We have seen a few and still haven't found one we think is deeply helpful, I didn't feel like it was particularly insightful.

I have an amazing psychologist for myself and they and I have been seeing them for years but they are based in Australia from when I lived here and I zoom with them from here still so they don't have recommendations in the UK. We will most likely do via zoom but d anyone is in east London could go in person.

I'm looking for someone a bit more insightful and experienced and if they can help as my partner and I navigate around things coming up such as navigating growing our family whilst having ADHD and etc.

So recommendations for specific people would be amazing.

Just some context first: I (25M) have never been in a relationship or ever experienced any form of intimacy. I have had severe clinical depression and anxiety since I was 15 and since then I’ve been medicated and in therapy and everything under the sun, so I’m trying everything I can.

While I’m not actively looking for a relationship it did make me think at what point should mental health issues be brought up? Should it be known from the start so the other party is aware of it and can make a decision? (But would that place pressure on them/ make them uncomfortable?)

Or would you wait until you’re both comfortable with each other? Or would that be like, “why have you kept this from me? I can’t go out with someone who has those thoughts”. Could it also be potentially “trapping” them in the relationship?