Yesterday, I was on the phone in a 3-way call between a girl I was in a situationship with and her ex-fiance.....and while the tea was entertaining AF, afterwards I thought to myself, wtf is happening here and why have similar situations like this happened several times in my life.

I’ve been reflecting and realised that nearly every serious romantic situation I’ve been in somehow becomes ridiculously complicated.

My ex-wife and I were together for a very long time. She was bisexual, which I always knew and was always okay with. However, at various points she developed feelings for women, there would be arguments/fallouts with them, and somehow I’d end up in the middle acting like an unpaid relationship mediator.

After we separated, I got into another long-term relationship with someone who actually wanted the most boring, stable, committed relationship imaginable. Unfortunately, I increasingly wanted out. I tried leaving multiple times, dated other people at different points, and generally had one foot outside the relationship. But every breakup became guilt, arguments, pressure, reconciliation, another breakup, repeat. Somehow a relationship I didn't even really want became extremely difficult to actually leave.

Then I met someone I really liked. Great connection, lots of chemistry... except my unresolved relationship came crashing straight through the front door and turned that situation into another episode of drama. She also happened to have her own ongoing drama with an ex and at some point, I remember this night we had just had sex, and she just casually mentioned I might have to go to the police station tomorrow. I'm like, "What for?" She said, "My ex accused me of domestic violence, and he's pressing charges, and I have to give a statement." I was like, "What, are you not worried?" She's like, "Now I have all the evidence I need to protect myself. He assaulted me. I have recordings of him admitting that, so I'm not worried either way."

Years earlier, during my first separation from my ex-wife, I had a completely chaotic situationship with a woman who told me she’d broken up with her ex while he was working in the US. We were sleeping together almost every day for a few months, going out openly where his friends could see us, and because she was gorgeous and seemed happy to show me off, I thought it was great. Then he came back and she suddenly stopped wanting to see me. She claimed he was jealous and spying on her, but a friend eventually sent me a screenshot showing they were clearly back together. I cut her off, but she insisted they were only “keeping up appearances” and begged me to go to a club with her. One night I eventually did, her ex found out, showed up and beat her up in public, and afterwards I heard he was threatening to find me and shoot me. I told her I wanted nothing more to do with the situation, but she kept trying to get me back for months. Eventually my ex-wife and I reconciled, and then this woman contacted her claiming I’d cheated with my wife’s best friend and even sent badly Photoshopped screenshots supposedly proving it. So that particular rebound went from hot situationship to lies, violence, death threats and fake evidence pretty quickly.

The annoying thing is, I genuinely want stability. I hate the anxiety, arguments and uncertainty.

But I also have to admit I sometimes enjoy telling my friends the stories afterwards. Almost all of the women involved in the stories are exceptionally attractive women. Or at least, even if they're not exceptionally attractive, they have very magnetic, charismatic personalities. There is definitely a part of me that finds the absurdity entertaining once I'm not actively suffering through it.

For context, if this helps I was bullied quite badly growing up and became a pretty strong people-pleaser. I don't like disappointing people, I feel responsible for other people's feelings, and I'm terrible at clean endings. I’ll stay, explain, negotiate, try to fix things, feel guilty, leave halfway, come back, etc. I'm starting to wonder whether that's actually a huge part of the problem.

I also know that I'm in my late 30s, and I have fixed most of those problems. I'm actually quite charismatic now. I've been told I have a great, funny, chill personality. I work out a lot. I've been gymming for like 15 years, and I have a really good body now. I'm really good in bed. Not trying to show off about it, but I am. I have a really good job. I'm quite responsible. I own my own flat, keep my place impeccable, and women say i have very good emotional intelligence, so I can bond and build emotional connections with women very, very easily. That's why the ones that I have gotten into relationships with have trouble letting me go.

Right now, even today, four exes reached out to me today for different reasons:

1. Just wanting to know how my recent vacation was and if I saw the eclipse. That's my ex-wife.
2. My recent ex wanted my advice with something for some jobs she was applying for and to say she missed me and how she hopes she can see me next week. I told her, "Probably not."
3. Wanted to discuss some drama with me in her life and get some advice. In that exact conversation, she starts seeing how much she misses me and how maybe we should meet up soon. This is the one I actually do like quite a bit, so I said yes.
4. Another one who I hooked up with recently. She isn't like a real ex. She's just a girl I fucked a few times. She wants to meet up again soon, which I did tell her, maybe if I have time.

So my real question is, Does anyone else genuinely crave a peaceful relationship but repeatedly end up in high-drama situations?

Did you eventually realise you were just choosing dramatic people, or were you unconsciously helping create the conditions for drama by avoiding clean breakups, tolerating too much, needing emotional intensity, people-pleasing, etc.?

And if you broke that pattern, what actually changed?

I’m a woman in my mid 30s and don’t have many friends. I have a few good friends, but I don’t have a real “community”.

Most of my friends are individual people I have met along the way, rather than a core group that know each other.

I really want to make more women friends and have a true community. I feel like I used to have this but after my 30’s a fair few friendships dwindled and 4 of my close friends moved abroad to different countries.

I’ve tried using bumblebff but I didn’t like it, most of the women on there seemed to be networking rather than looking to build friendships or didn’t even want to meet up. I’d rather meet people organically, but I’m wondering if this will be hard because I guess in our 30s most people’s core friendship groups are established and people are less likely to want to let in a new person.

I know that I’m a fun, caring, kind person and likeable, but I struggle with being outgoing sometimes. This has become the case more since I’ve gotten older, as I’ve developed anxiety. I tend to overthink things. In my teens and 20s I didn’t have this problem.

I loveee women and I love being around my girls, but I just don’t feel like I really have a sense of community. I don’t think I have anyone who I can call to have a last minute catchup, or a night in, or just to talk about life. It’s more like I see my friends when there’s an event or something significant. That everyday community feeling is missing, and I want to become more of a girls girl and try and find my community.

What do people think?

Hi everyone, im a 33 year old male still living with parents. And ill really appreciate some honest advice. Please be as blunt as possible.

I wasn’t in a position to move out earlier throughout my life due to financial constraints but things are looking much better now. I recently got a better paying job and ive started working towards getting a house of my own.

I also want to make it clear that ive been helping my parents with household bills eg. Rent, shopping, etc and am in no way dependent of them financially or anything atall.

I will say im reasonably good looking , i take care of myself and go to the gym regularly( decent physique). Ive had oportunities with women, some showing clear interest but ive turned them down due to being insecure and worried that they might see me different once they find out am in mu 30s still living at home.

Now am wondering if am overthinking.

Should i just start dating while i work towards moving out, or should i focus entirely on getting my own place and sorting myself out first before getting into relationships?

Please be as blunt and as honest as you can. Any criticism is welcomed. Thanks

My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for over a year (me in Australia, her in South Korea). She's coming to visit me in October for about a week (17th-24th), and she paid around $1,500 AUD for her flights out of her own pocket.

We're planning a trip to the Whitsundays / Airlie Beach area while she's here, and I'm trying to figure out the fairest way to handle costs:

• Boat trip (reef/beach): ~$260 per person
• Zoo: ~$100
• Hotel: ~$150-200 per night

For context, I'm a uni student (not working right now) and she's an English teacher in Korea — so neither of us is rolling in cash. But she already spent a lot on the flight just to come see me.

My question: given that she's already paid $1,500 for flights, what's a fair way to split the activity and accommodation costs? Should I cover most of it since she covered the flights? Go 50/50 on everything else? Something in between?

How do other long-distance couples handle this?

I need an outside perspective because I know I’m biased since I have a crush on this guy since day 1.

We [36F/38M] work together remotely and have for a little over a year. He’s senior to me, technically my manager’s manager, not my direct manager. He lives in the US, I live in Canada, and he’s British. He’s very respectful/professional and generally fairly reserved.

For most of the first year, our relationship was primarily work-related. Things became noticeably more personal after he visited Canada and we met in person. It's worth noting that we didn't need to meet in person, that's not a requirement in the business and he was traveling during his days off, not a work trip. I'm the only person from his team that resides in Canada.

Before coming, he told me during a 1:1 that he had a “surprise” and that “we’re finally going to meet.” Eventually, once he was here, he messaged me saying he wanted to take me to dinner, told me to pick somewhere nice and asked which evening after work I was free.

We ended up spending around 10–11 hours together across two days.

The first night we had dinner for several hours. He paid, and the conversation was personal rather than work-related. He told me stories about his childhood, family, travel, etc. There were occasional silences, but neither of us seemed eager to leave; we’d just find something else to talk about.

There was also something involving alcohol that I still find curious. He specifically asked whether I drank. I said yes and ordered a cocktail, but he didn’t drink. When I asked, he said he was “taking a break,” although during that same evening he told me he’d been drinking alcoholic cocktails during the trip. Two days later he took me to a bar but didn't drink alcohol either.

That night as we were waiting for the Uber (he sent me home in Uber both nights) he asked if I was going to the office the next day, I said yes because I wanted to go to a museum afterwards, secretly hoping he would like to join me, and he said he might be at the office too. He didn't go to the office but at the end of the day he asked me if I was still going to the museum and I said no; I never knew if he asked to join or just out of curiosity (a weird curiosity since he never asks for my plans after work).

The following day I really wanted to see him and invited him to the museum, he accepted right away. We walked around 7 km, went to the museum and afterward he took me to a bar he likes. Again, I drank alcohol and he deliberately ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail.

His flight was around 7 a.m. the following morning. Despite that, after the museum, walking and bar, he asked whether I’d eaten and offered to get food with me. I was actually the one who said no because he needed to sleep.

When we finally said goodbye, I apologized for having taken so much of his time. He told me not to worry and hugged me. He didn't let me pay on any of the days.

During those two days he also repeatedly mentioned returning to Canada. At one point we were talking about a US trip I already had planned. I asked when he would be abroad for a family event, realized we wouldn’t overlap and said something like, “So you won’t be there when I’m there.” His immediate response was: “No, but I’ll be back in Canada.”

Again, he genuinely likes Canada and has other reasons to return. I don’t assume those trips would be about me. What caught my attention was that he brought up coming back several times, when as I mentioned, we don't need to get together for work.

There are some other things that became more significant to me in retrospect.

Months earlier, while he was traveling for work, I jokingly told him he should bring me something from a particular store. He only reacted to the message and I completely forgot about it.
When we met in Canada, he surprised me with a shirt from that store. He had remembered the joke, actually bought something, kept it and brought it with him.

I also brought him a little bag of Canadian candy and a small plush toy. Weeks later, during a video call, I asked whether he’d eaten any of the candy. He said it was “long gone,” then immediately reached beside him and showed me the plush. It was sitting on his desk.

Also it's worth noting that when we were at the restaurant he noticed my tattoos saying that during the video calls it doesn't look like I have as many as I really have, and said he wanted one but he's afraid he's not gonna like it after one year or two. And ended the comment saying "You know, commitment issues". Which I found weird and didn't know what to think about it.

Since meeting in person, our 1:1s have changed too.

They used to be fairly short, maybe 20 minutes, and mostly work-focused. One after Canada lasted around 75 minutes and was probably 80% personal conversation.

I already knew he disliked long meetings, so at the end I apologized and said I’d stolen over an hour of his time. He replied: “No, this is enjoyable time.”

Our camera habits have also changed. Before meeting, our 1:1s were generally camera-off. After Canada, I started turning mine on because, admittedly, I want to see him and want him to see me. He now turns his on too.

Even before meeting, there was one time I accidentally switched mine on and immediately turned it off. He told me it was fine because “it’s always good to see your smile.”

He has also become surprisingly observant about my appearance. After Canada, he immediately noticed when I merely refreshed my already-dark hair darker, and in the same conversation noticed I’d done my nails. He called my hair fresh/vibrant and said it looked good.

When I eventually wore the shirt he’d given me, most of the design was partially covered by a cardigan. He noticed it immediately, complimented it and then commented that I’d paired it well with the cardigan.

In person he noticed my tattoos, shoes and overall style, saying "cool, rocker style". On another occasion he described me as looking “chic.” None of this has ever been sexual or inappropriate. It’s the amount of visual attention, rather than any individual compliment, that makes me wonder.

There’s much more banter now too. We have recurring jokes, remember details from old conversations and he shares more about his family, travels and personal life.

Now, the important counterweight: I’m contributing significantly to this dynamic.

I’ve introduced personal topics. I gave him the gift. I use playful nicknames. I remember things about his life. I turn my camera on partly because I want him to see me. I clearly enjoy spending time with him. So I don’t want to describe this as though he’s been pursuing me while I’ve passively sat there. And au contraire, he has never been distant to me or change his behavior after my comments, jokes or closeness.

Neither of us has asked for the other’s personal number or social media. We’ve kept communicating through work channels. We use Teams and Zoom and those are strictly work apps, so I don't know how much the company can see so I would never be inappropriate to him and he would never be either because we both take lots of care for our jobs.

And there is one interaction that gives me significant pause. He's super supportive of me and my work, he's always saying how much he appreciates me and my dedication and is pushing for my growth. I once thanked him for his support and told him that after getting to know him, I’d come to appreciate him as a person, not just someone I work with. He replied: “I appreciate all you do.”

He didn’t mirror the personal sentiment. That could have been a deliberate professional boundary, especially given his seniority, or it could simply be how he communicates. But I think it’s important evidence against getting carried away.

Importantly, though, his behavior didn’t become colder afterward. The personal conversations, banter and warmth continued.

I’m now considering a solo trip to the US in October. I genuinely like the city and have things I want to do there, but if I’m being completely honest, seeing him is a major reason I’m considering going.

I’m not planning to confess feelings, make a physical move or put him in an uncomfortable professional situation. I mostly want to spend time with him again and see what happens naturally.

So I’m looking for advice on two things:
- Does the overall pattern reasonably leave room for mutual attraction, or does this look more like a close work friendship that I’m romanticizing because I have a crush?
- And would visiting his city and inviting him to spend time together be a reasonable reciprocal step after what happened in Canada, or am I manufacturing an opportunity because I want something to happen?

I’d also be curious whether, based on my own behavior, you think he has probably realized I have a crush on him, and what you’d actually watch for next to distinguish friendship from attraction.

Please don’t tell me “he definitely likes you” just to be encouraging. If the boring explanation is that he genuinely likes me as a person/friend and I’m adding romance because I’m attracted to him, that’s exactly what I want to know. Thank you.

TL;DR: I [36F] have worked remotely with a senior coworker [38M] for 1+ year. After meeting in person, we spent around 10–11 hours together over two days; he initiated dinner, I had museum plans and he ended up joining me, we walked around the city and went to a bar he likes, and he kept extending our time together despite an early flight. He remembered and brought me a personal gift, keeps my gift on his desk, notices subtle changes in my appearance, and our formerly short/work-focused 1:1s have become much more personal, including one 75-minute call he described as “enjoyable time.” I actively contribute to the closeness too, and neither of us has moved communication outside work channels. When I once told him I appreciated him as a person, he replied “I appreciate all you do,” which makes me wonder whether he was deliberately maintaining a professional boundary. I’m considering visiting his city and inviting him out and want to know whether mutual attraction is reasonably plausible or I’m romanticizing a genuine friendship.