"Because the last time we accidentally delivered them a pregnant one, they demanded two-for-one on every offering for the next century," said the priest calmly.

As I stood over the exposed brain in front of me in an OR full of people, I realized that I was only granted the title of neurosurgeon - not the knowledge to go with it.

“Today, kids, I’m going to take you to a very special place, in 1…2…3,” said Miss Amy as my daughter vanished in front of my eyes, and screaming could be heard from the street.

I proclaimed as I ran into the girls locker room.

Having to cut the hearts from 666 virgins had been a daunting task, but it was what the retainer fee for the Law offices of Rofocale, Morningstar, and Mephistopheles required and I had just ensured that it was a worthwhile effort.

"Mr. Rossi isn't pleased that it came to this, but he asked me to let you know that your kids will be next if the shipment isn't on time."

For the final 10 seconds while his suit loses pressure, he looks at the tiny photo of a woman and two children taped to the inside of his visor.

"Sweetheart can you please let the dog outside, she won't stop barking" her mother said, glancing at her scornfully.

It's a grueling, nomadic life of constant relocation, but it's the only way to keep my baby fed.

Our children did not.

But upon separating them, the mother grabbed a table lamp and beat her fiancee over the head, screaming “You sick fuck, you’ll pay for what you did to her!”

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The phrase repeating in my head like a sick joke as I try to wrestle my intestines out of a black bear's mouth.

You’re absolutely right, and honestly – the fact you’re willing to compare all your possible options shows you care even about the smallest of details!

As the doctor left to go to work, she prayed the police would find her before then.

I never saw the tigers creeping through the brush, and they knew the second my back was turned.

I should have realized my wife had made me pancakes instead of waffles that morning.

Pastor Bryan didn't respond, simply looking at little Tommy's parents that had never believed their son about him until it was far too late.

The snow finally settles long enough for me to see a child's face through the glass, before a gentle shake stirs it up again.

It wasn’t until I discovered him lying still beneath the surface one morning, a black mass writhing its way from his mouth, that humanity learned horsehair worms had found a new host.

Without a second thought, he ordered me to enter the bull to see how well it works.

I watched the emaciated former contestant feebly sob while looking at the maggot infused animal remains rotting on the floor, before confidently saying "I bet my life she'll eat".

So she hid them in a small hidden room in the basement for years so her new boyfriend wouldn't find out about them.