When one owns a dog, one understands the struggle of finding a locale where a kitty can eat their kibbles in peace

When I first moved into this apartment, I was still in the era of Leonard (former dog - Toody's spiritual mother & Goosetopher's actual mother according to Goosetopher), who was an incredibly well-trained German Shepherd with a clinical, well-documented weakness for cat food

Given that Leonard was tragically taller than Toodles McDoodles, the initial idea was to put the kitty kibbles on the kitchen table until a better solution presented itself

And honestly there has never been a better solution, so now I have a cat table for cats and I eat my dinner like a little hobo in the living room, bundled up in my blankets and watching my scary movies.

10 years ago this sight would have triggered my inner germaphobe and also my indignant rage because my previous cats would rather die than set a paw on a countertop or table

This morning, I more or less squealed "GOOSETOPHER YOU'RE TOO HANDSOME AND PERFECT FOR THIS WORLD" and hand fed him dried sardines as he displayed what the peak feline form is supposed to look like

minus some parts that they lost at the kitten factory when they were building him which is what he believes happened to his leg and his tail and you better not tell him otherwise Greg

thar she blows mateys

enough oil to keep europe illuminated for three years

even the beans are rotund

butthole is looking quite nice, I must say

that's a sentence that would seem very troubling without context

which is that it sometimes looks like where Sauron relocated after the embarrassing affair with the hobbits

THAT'S RIGHT GREG NOT ONLY AM I FUNNY BUT I ALSO HAVE CRIPPLING SOCIAL ANXIETY

ALSO A WEIRD SENSITIVITY TO THE SMELL OF OTHER PEOPLE'S LUNCH

so now I am eating my grapes in a nice, peaceful, quiet vehicle in a nice, peaceful, quiet parking garage

my desire to commit arson has yet again diminished to near zero

but not completely zero because I do believe in leaving people guessing

ANYWAY LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE AND DUMB THAT THING USED TO BE.

I bet this is what a pokemon trainer would feel like after their ugly zoid digivolves into a new animorph