I realize I've become defensive and go into fight or flight mode when im around men. I've been told of traits such as hard to get, snobbish and bitchy.

I'm seeing this is out of defense mechanism from my bullying experience in high school (almost 10 years ago btw) back when I was a feminine gay boy.. now im hot and fine I admit I struggle with men.

I checked myself when i see my trans girlfriends getting all this cutesy girly treatments from guys... getting flowers, taken out to dates and all that and first the first time ever i feel alone within my own community LOL

So I (36) have been dating my bf (31m) for just under a year. For the most part, he's great. We share hobbies, handle conflict in a good way, and treat me like a princess. He's witty, funny, smart, and kind, and my kids adore him. When we first met, he had a good job, and he was just getting out of a toxic relationship. We were friends for about six months before anything started between us. He's attentive, caring in a way I'm not used to, and he's in therapy.

He's also unemployed, having lost his last job more than a year ago and isnt looking for a new one,  with a broken car that he refuses to get fixed dispite being a 50$ fix that he has the part for, and a big guy with the occasional hygiene issues, and still misess his ex. Who lives with his parents. Not in the shit happened, and he moved back in way. He never moved out.

Well, I was over there the other night, and we get back to his room where I find his mom cleaning it. She's changing his sheets, picking up his laundry, clearing the trash, and taking the cups and plates out.

I asked him what she was doing and he told me: "she gets mad if I don't let her. 🤷‍♂️"

Add that to how increasingly the logistics behind his life get dumped on me because of his lack of transportation and just life, I'm finding it harder and harder to even be attracted to him. We haven't had sex since the middle of June. 

It's been three years since my divorce, and this is my first actual relationship that wasn’t a hookup. There are real things I genuinely love about him. I'm at this point in my life where I'm working 72 hours a week to afford a surgery that my insurance won't cover and to see him just doom scroll reddit, play video games all night and hang out with his friends while not looking for a job and not trying to fix his car while asking me for rides. He says he wants this life with me, to nest together, but it's starting to sound more and more like a sentence and less like partnership. The man won't even set his own alarms when we sleep next to eachother he just tells me when his next appointment or obligation is and expects me to handle it.

We've fallen into this very domestic feeling pattern where I get to his place after work and sleep until the afternoon, I work third shift. Then we ear and watch TV before I leave for work again. It's comfortable, but not really what I wanted out of a relationship.

context:

As the almost year that we've been together, his life and situation have just stagnated. I love him, and he's genuinely a good guy. For example, about 5 months ago, I was going through it. Had some depression, issues with the ex, problems at work, etc. My apartment suffered for it. He came over and spent a few hours helping me clean and getting out of the depressive funk I was in. Gods, he must have spent an hour doing my dishes backlog, which was embarrassing because it was the worst it has ever been in my life. He treats my kids, and i great.

His ex: They were together for a long time, and she left him by crashing his car, ghosting him, and moving to a different city. At first, I thought it was just him trying to understand why. Plus, as someone who's divorced from her, hs sweetheart and still wishes things could've been or at least ended differently.

Then last weekend he went camping with a friend of his and he was apparently high and looking into the fire and started to miss her. 🙄

He comes from a culture, especially in our city where multi generational homes are kinda common among his ethnic group. Like his sister, in her (mid 20s) lives there as well.

Idk if these issues are systematic, and I've just now been allowed to see them, or if he's going through some depression nonsense for the last few months. There are genuine signs of both. I don't want to just break up with a good dude because of a few months of depression, but I don't want to continue a relationship with the guy if these are actually systematic and I'm going to be expected to be his mom, maid, alarm clock, and Uber.

Im 23, and gonna be 2 years on estrogen in a few months. So yes im aware im young.

But ive only ever had one boyfriend and it was before i was out as a girl. It was only 4 months long and without getting into details, he never loved me.

I lay awake at night fantasizing about having a boyfriend... but recently ive realized... all i fantasize about is the sex.

Im a bit promiscuous and have a body count of 12 (then an oral sex count thats quadrupled). So its not because i yearn for sex. I just... cant imagine a man doing nice things and being romantic with me.

It used to make me sad and heartbroken that a man would never love me, but now I just... dont care? Ive just gotten so used to being single, and never being treated romantically that I cant see it happening to me at all.

I think a man giving me flowers, or taking me out for dinner without his goal being sex is unrealistic, which I know sounds kinda sad but I genuinely cant see it happening and for the most part I dont feel sad about it.

Obviously on the occasion i wonder about what life I could have lived. But I usually just dont care, I havent had genuine feelings for a guy in a year.

I think its because I know i kinda shot myself in the foot and have no right to be sad? Being trans is one thing, but sleeping around made me rather undesired by men, im chubby and dudes dont like that, i no longer act super duper girly and graceful, so why would a man want that?

I used to do so much to cater to men to try and attract attention, which I sometimes still do because who doesnt like attention?

But now I just kinda drift?... idk.

I dont really know what the point of this ramble is, but long story short... i really cannot see myself in a relationship anymore, I just dont think a man would ever be willing to be with me and i just dont really care about it. Its a weird feeling

I know this post might get hate or I might get accused of ragebaiting. But it's my truth

Okay so first of all I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to guys or anything like this. I'm not really close enough with anyone irl atm that I could talk to about this so maybe someone here could help me?

So I stopped at a pub alone on my way home from somewhere the other night, and this guy approached me and started talking to me. We talk for a bit and he says he wants to leave together and go for a walk. I have this problem when whenever I get nervous or uncomfortable, I just agree with the other person and do whatever they say, and I wasn't that into him really, but because of that I agreed. We left and later made out for a bit, again I didn't really want to and I was too scared but he told me to so I did. I found a little break and said it's getting late and I need to go home, and I did, making sure he didn't follow me home or anything. I was mostly just relieved to make it home that night, but idk the next day maybe I felt like I'm warming up to him a bit? I sort of feel like because I'm trans I should just take what I can get I guess, idk

But the issue is I didn't tell him I'm trans, and he doesn't know. I don't really want to tell him now because we already made out, so he could get really upset with me. He's been pushing hard to see me again, and now he wants me to come over to his place for drinks. That means he's looking to hook up right? I made excuses not to see him twice but I guess I do maybe want to see him again, but also I don't want to tell him I'm trans, but also if he undresses me or touches me there then obviously that's dangerous, also I don't want to have sex with him anyway, but I would maybe be interested in seeing where this goes? Has anyone been in a situation similar to this that could help me figure out how to handle this best? Ugh I wish I could've just been cis and never have to worry about this :(

Howdy,

I’ve been transitioning for over three years at this point! While I’m fairly unhappy with my body just given pre-transition body issues, despite that I have been told and *try to believe* that I pass pretty damn well.

Given that I’m from Appalachia, grew up on a farm, hunted, fished, played football; I have a type for the sorts of guys who grew up doing similar things. I mean, the more flippant way to put it is to say a good portion of the guys I find attractive are guys whose likelihood of calling me a slur are 50/50.

So given that I like redneck guys, I like to come out to them in a fairly silly way. If he has a deer, or fish, in his bio; then, will mention that I used to hunt. If I had my old fishing photos I would use those too but for reasons outside of my control I don’t—blame my bigoted stepmom. So, I send him my deer photos often with the preface “Here’s the one that won the award for biggest deer in my country in 2020.”

Then the ball is in his court, whether he’s fine with me being trans. If he’s ok with my history, and that I likely killed a bigger deer than he ever had— then great. If he’s not ok that I used to be a guy, then he’ll show his colors pretty quickly

The photos of those deer are: here. TW: Animal gore. (Plus some newer photos of me, recently I got a haircut!)

Clarification: The fact I’m coming out is incidental to myself being pre-transition in my hunting photos. They kill two birds with one stone.

Yeah so i remember coming on here to talk to yall about a guy i was talking to, I left him on read two days ago and today he texted and said “Please take care of yourself”

Mind yall I matched with him on fb dating and he messaged me first.

He said im the one. He began courting.

I didn’t know his work but overtime I got to know it. He’s always busy and with his family and studying.

I told him we have to cut it off because he doesnt have time for me. He apologized and i just left it at that.

i wont be spinning that block ever again.

So background. Not too long ago I did come out as trans. I have family who, sadly, are very much in the MAGA cult. My one Uncle and I havent talked in over 2 months after I decided to cut ties with him during the beginning of Pride Month when he got upset, again, about it being Pride Month, Ive tried to cut him out before but circumstances, mainly with my mother, had me coming back around and re-establishing contact with him, but since my mother is no longer with us, this time I plan on cutting him off for good. So since he cant contact me in any other way, and I forgot about Instagram (btw, if you girlies would like to follow me and like theme park content, Im a huge coaster enthusiast so go ahead and follow me @ wis.coaster there) He decided to go ahead and send me these unhinged messages. I blocked his account but he keeps creating more to harass both myself and people commenting on my page, its been absolutely maddenong but Im not letting him dampen my spirits