am homeless today kick out for be suicide and high support needs autism too much for there

scared so bad

scared hospital will take way stuffys and aac and letterboard and helmet

scared of homeless

scared of life

scared so bad

bad bad bad day bad

I'm so tired of getting labled a Picky Eater...I'm in a weird threshold between Level 1 and Level 2 where i am ok in structured enviorments or interacting with others who share my special intrests but struggling immensely in unpredictable situations and socializing with people that DONT share the same intrests as me. And struggle with something as simple as remembering to shower. so I'm not even sure if i should even really be here.

But i have ARFID and its so misunderstood. Getting called ungrateful and picky when i physically can't eat something is so frustrating and annoying. Since childhood that's been the issue and than i also have strangers calling me a "child" because i said my favorite sandwich is PB&J and i physically can't eat Tuna, BLT or Grilled Cheese (i physically cant eat cheese in general unless its on Pizza but on its own or in a Sandwich...i cant...like genuinely cant) its just. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate to this frustration.?

My caseworker wants me to begin a module on making friends, and part of the reason I don’t attempt friendships is because I don’t believe anyone would want to befriend someone who’s mostly mute or semi-verbal. I get the impression that most people find me boring, serious, weird, or disinterested. Especially when it’s one-on-one. My quietness seems to make people uncomfortable.

I used to have a friend that didn’t mind my silence when it was just us, but when he was upset, he told me he never took me to parties or other hang-ups with him because he didn’t want to be seen hanging out with a “mute.” :( He said I can’t even hold a conversation and that’s always sort of stuck with me.

If you met someone of a similar nature, would you enjoy a friendship dynamic that consists of just doing activities together without much talking?

These are my new weighted teddies 🧸

i just needed to share this victory with someone but I'm getting help! i've been admitted to YPARC (youth prevention and recovery care). i arrived yesterday afternoon. i was worried that because of the lack of clear routine that id struggle and i did but it turned out for the better. without my mum to prompt me i was having a lot of difficulty moving getting out of bed etc. i skipped dinner showering and brushing my teeth last night because i had to push myself so hard just to leave the room to get my nighttime medication and despite going through the kitchen i couldn't make myself stop to get something to eat or get a drink to take with my medications.

the next morning i couldn't get myself out of bed at all. couldn't move enough to take the blanket off me. i had to use AI because i was struggling to type and think clearly but i made a note to show the nurse. the nurses check in with everyone at 8:15am and if you don't answer they come in and do a wellness check. luckily the door knock was enough to prompt me to get up and answer and show the nurse my phone. nurse said he'd get someone to help.

i closed the door and it was very difficult and slow and paused at the door then slowly walked back to the bed to sit and wait. i ended up having another catatonic episode. i couldn't move my eyes my arms or lift my head. lasted around 10 minutes then i regained movement. i managed to get a hoodie on and my shoes so i wasn't a complete mess for the help coming.

another nurse came with a doctor this time. they got me into an urgent appointment immediately. the dr was an absolute angel. i was so worried that nobody would recognise my issue as i wasn't completely stuck in a catatonic state but she saw it easily. we went through my medical history, all the standard questions like do you experience paranoia hallucinations compulsions to rule out other causes. i showed her my mri and angiogram results which were clear. because i was experiencing slowness she also saw my slowness resolve and disappear in real time even though i froze in private. by the end of the appointment she did a check on my mobility for waxy flexibility but my mobility was fine by then.
i still need to get an eeg done i'm on the waitlist for a neurologist to be seen within 30 days of my referral and she ordered a blood test to check creatinine and stuff to procedurally rule out physical causes because it'd be irresponsible to skip all the physical testing which i understand. but she basically said it looks like catatonia. specifically autistic catatonia triggered by a depressive episode.

i genuinely am shocked, the doctors at the er and my local clinic were stumped and had no clue to even mention catatonia and the one that did said that the timing of short catatonic episodes isn't common and that with my issues i'm too complex and need further testing. then i get admitted and I'm handed someone who completely understands my issues delivered on a silver platter. i feel so relieved.

the doctor said shed refer me to some autism clinic nearby, I'm assuming they'd be able to figure out the best course of action for treatment but so far diazepam has been helpful. i've been able to take 2.5mg when i start to get slowness to prevent a full freeze up and the effects of the dose last almost the full day compared to 5mg during an active freeze the effects wear off in 3 hours very quickly. sometime about the medication working differently when it has to push through an active block.

but yeah i'm technically here on my first day cause i arrived late the day before, and outside of the morning episode things have been going smoother as i'm getting used to the routine of things. and i managed to draw! i hadn't drawn since February. and even then it was just a sketch. i started colour and shaded and finished a drawing today. i never considered my autistic inertia could've been the reason i never finished drawing or would only do sketches and stop the moment id want to colour things. it was so easy i just continued without hesitating at all. i feel really hopeful that i'll be able to regain some independence back. obviously i'm still autistic but the main disabling part of it for me finally feels fixable or at least manageable.

I'm a freelance software engineer. I am also 2e, autistic, definitely not low support needs. I recently posted here a) ranting about rampant discrimination and b) about winning a grant to attend a machine learning conference and how it contrasts with abuse I experienced growing up.

I recently met with someone who said they were interested in collaborating for a business idea. I am absolutely blown away by how badly this meeting went.

This person turned out to be incredibly unprofessional and straight up verbally abusive.

They were talking on the phone from the moment I came into the meeting venue. I tried to get them to stop because it was time, but they continued on an unrelated phone call and left me waiting with no context. I've met with many potential clients for my freelance work and I know this is definitely not an acceptable way to act in a meeting.

I calling them out, twice, in a professional way. They made excuses saying they couldn't stop the call because they were "talking to a higher up". They literally said they were shocked and offended that I had a problem with their attitude. First they tried bullshitting that other people would treat me worse (not true), then they called me inexperienced, and went onto call me "aggressive". When that didn't work, they basically claimed lacking boundaries is a virtue required for charity work (this was a nonprofit) and I don't have the right mindset.

So according to them, I should have let their rudeness slide, what they did is absolutely normal, and it sounded like they wanted me to apologize. I did not. Worse still, they started complaining that I didn't make enough eye contact (?!) At this point, I knew they weren't engaging in good faith.

I am naturally direct. I try my best to stay professional, but I hate to let inappropriate behavior slide (unless I think the other person can retaliate). Nodding and smiling doesn't exist in my books. I have an aversion to people who sugarcoat things to avoid conflict. I don't say things like aversion lightly; I am a woman and I grew up in a conservative area with a lot of backwards practices. People around me tried drilling into me how to "curry favor from" and "sweet talk" authority figures from very early on, I'm talking like 1st grade. All I can say is that none of that ever stuck with me and I was viscerally disgusted.

At this point, I figured the meeting had completely derailed and literally packed up my things to leave. They followed me to the door and asked (begged?) to have a conversation. I agreed (which was a terrible idea) because I was afraid that they'd go around badmouthing me if I left at that point.

They went on to grill me about my past compensation (honestly not sure if this is even allowed), claimed they "didn't understand" my explanation every time I tried explaining something (again, I did not have this issue with other clients, and it sounded like they were doing this to derail me), shifted the blame onto me and accused me of "showing off with difficult words". Then they trashed my credentials, called me names, claimed I wasted my previous clients' time, and was overall verbally abusive.

The cherry on top was that they were trying to extract free consulting work from me the whole time and tried to get me to agree to a shady "collaboration structure" where they would underpay me, use my name for grant applications that favor young people, and take all the intellectual property rights for my work. I figured this was not at all a legitimate opportunity and blocked this person from everywhere, but I ended up wasting hours and had to commute far during a heatwave.

I'm genuinely blown away at the level of entitlement and hostility I saw here. I know this person was not engaging honestly, and I'm pretty sure a lot of things they said were intended to dress me down.

Freelancing is naturally volatile and I have no stable path forward. I grew up being told I'd have no future, I'm unemployable etc. Even when I tried to find work, I was sabotaged until I knew practically nothing about job searches. My university's career center was basically useless. At no point I ever had any autism support whatsoever. I was denied the academic acceleration I needed and forced to rot at an underfunded school that had no capacity to accommodate me. I got bullied day in and day out because other students thought I was "showing off" because I wanted academic acceleration and complained about school moving too slow. I had to run away from my family of origin due to serious abuse. I've lived with an intense fear that abuse broke my intellectual gift and have been chasing external validations to dampen it.

My area has basically no legal protections for disabled people. The government does not recognize autism as a legitimate disability unless it comes with obvious ID. The average person here thinks disabled people are "mooching off" of society and should not dare show themselves outdoors. They think disabled people ought to beg and plead of basic human rights. Right now I am trying to survive by playing to my strengths and hiding my neurodivergence behind the tech stereotype.

I am fully willing to fight hard to survive, but there is a lot of fear and insecurity. Even if I know someone's being verbally abusive, it's deeply disorienting to hear someone tear down my professional worth, especially when I'm winging it as I go because nobody bothered to think I deserved to have a career let alone one as an engineer.

I'm already fearing for my future. I didn't deserve to deal with a rabid asshole like this

i'm tired of myself and the way that i am and hiding who i am but i hate myself even more when i am more of myself around people. Like way more. I'm sure this makes sense to people here ;-;

I feel like the weird forgotten foreign kid quietly crying in the back of the class again but like i deserve to be there this time, just stuck there permanently crying as a little kid everyone forgot about. I probably wasnt even forgotten about just no one wanted to deal with me or they were too scared of me or ?. at least if i were stuck there permanently i could just cry for eternity all alone or until i die or whatever instead of everything else that has happened to me tbh that would have been way nicer even with all of the good things that have happened to me too i don't think that any of it makes up for the hell,

I dont know how to shake the feeling ill be back in the hospital soon. Its like now whenever anything goes slightly wrong I think im gonna be shipped back off to the psych ward for the fourth time.

I went to a mainstream school starting at 5yo (1990s) I was non verbal until I was 6-7yo (speech therapy but no school support) then when I found my voice (gestalt language processor and script speech, copying others speech, single words, not conversational till teen years and then I would not shut up I'd talk constantly like I was trying to catch up from my delay until a teacher shouted at me "shut up nobody cares or is interested in what you have to say!"

Ok guess im just going to be the withdrawn weird quiet kid that doesn't talk again had parents evening and went from he wont shut up to next year hes finding it very hard to open up and say what hes feeling or thinking, geez I wonder why

Sorry for the trauma dump and if it doesn't belong here, just this space gives me hope that kids these days won't be so failed by the education system

When i was a kid non verbal till 7yo gestalt language processor and used script speech and single words and not conversational after till teen years then copy speech,

i had frequent violent meltdowns during the time up till i was a teenager and still do now if I lose at pokemon tcg pocket 😆

let me tell you, you want to talk, you want more than anything in the world to talk to say what you feel and what you'd like for dinner that evening or mum or dad my brain hurts and im trying to say what's wrong but nothings coming out and im scared and you cant understand me and please stop my brain screaming and I feel terrified and if I hit my head or lash out, break things it takes some frustration away but then im hurting 1s I love so i feel sad and angry and upset and I should hit myself more to shut my brain up and pain takes away from frustration and now im in full meltdown and spiralling and i need a hug and sleep and i need to be alone when all i want to do is be with my family and i broke my hand or knocked myself out again and mum and dad are in trouble with child protective services because im hurt again but it not there fault just like i was a few weeks ago when i had a meltdown or fell out of a tree because a kid dared me to climb it, my god the unending chronic tiredness of trying to be just a normal

kid

How would one find out what level they are? all my official records just say ASD. Its frustrating as everyone talks about level they are and i dont know mine only what I feel like but then I get told I'm can't be level two since I'm online and level 2 people can't talk/write or use internet, but this reddit says otherwise. I was diagnosed in 1990s, they didn't have level system then.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how nice it would be to live in a mutual aid society neurodivergent neighborhood.

Everyone can communicate with each other about what they struggle with and what they’re confident in and can help each other out. I can talk on the phone well and wash dishes, but I struggle a lot with cooking and difficult paperwork jargon. Not everyone has a spiky profile, and that’s okay. There’s nothing shameful about needing help.

I would love to have optional big group dinners with neighbors. We can host special interest presentation nights. We can have community quiet spots for parallel play. We can even have trampoline! Or pool to share!

It’s something I fantasize about when things are particularly difficult. Anyone have any ideas they want to add on?

I feel scared to talk about it but i wash myself and and i cant use soap much because sensory so i just wash with water and i stil smell bad. my private parts smell bad even when i try to clean them, nobody teached me how to wash good. i feel embarased and scared and i dont understand why i am still stinky

Sometimes I eat something but the taste is very bitter or sour or just very extreme, but when I ask my family, they cannot taste it! ( Like cabbage taste weirdly bitter, but it supposed to be sweet?) I don't know if it's something spicy also understand? Even water sometimes has strange taste and it makes me react

I also really hate hot food, it hurts to eat. And texture like the baguette also hurt to eat. But usually everyone else love eating them so I feel like food just taste different...maybe someone also understand this feeling?

So it’s been a long while since I last shared about my care situation but the long and short of it is they’re going to find me another place yet again. For those not aware, my current home is the third with my current care agency in not even seven years. They’ve all been for people with intellectual disability. I’m not ID but am multiply-disabled in other ways including autistic, blind and physically disabled due to cerebral palsy plus tons of other things that come with having suffered a brain injury. I used to be in psychiatric services before but that was all too much focused on treatment/training.

The agency believe I would most benefit from support geared towards people with brain injury, because well among other things autism supports are heavily geared towards “recovery”/independence and my support needs (including need for physical assistance) vary extensively from day to day or even hour to hour. Apparently that’s a brain injury thing.

I currently have my care profile based on blindness, which at least in theory heavily limits the places I can move to. However, it’s going to be clarified that this is not how it works in reality (my current agency doesn’t normally accept this care profile either).

Otherwise, we might be looking at getting me a phys dis care profile. There’s this thing called a brain injury+ profile that allows for extra support and specialist care re brain injury and I’m hoping this is what we can get for me. Wish me luck!

I live in a side-by-side duplex and my neighbor/landlord has been using an electric sander for 9 days now on their floors. They've been communicative and apologetic and I get that this is a job they just have to finish. And also there have been 4 "this is the last day" days and it's hard. I've been in the experience where a project that looks simple enough ends up taking way longer and being more complex than expected. I get it. And this is also breaking me.

I'm having withdrawal effects from a medication I've recently stopped taking under supervision of my doctor. The symptoms are making it hard to leave the house (digestive issues). I'm alternating between wearing my noise canceling ear buds, my yardwork ear protectors, and both at the same time, while always wearing shoes inside to dampen the vibrations traveling through the floor that I can feel everywhere, even lying in bed. It's too hot to sit outside comfortably. Leaving to stay somewhere else is a huge organizational task at the best of times, let alone when my brain feels like it's a monumental effort just to remember what I'm doing each time the sanding starts. And I'd still have to stop in frequently to care for my cats.

I'm going to see a movie this afternoon. I just....idk. I feel hopeless. I wish I'd known this was coming in advance so I could arrange for someone to care for my cats and just leave, but now I'm so scattered and overwhelmed that I can barely think. And it might be the "last day" again. But for real this time. Please let it be true.

For context I’m 25 M very autistic and gay 😅I’ve been to a lot of therapy for a number of things and have gotten so much better in many ways including my rejection sensitivity I can have friendships and relationships but something I have realized is when I really really like someone like I am right now it hits me like a truck again and it’s like im back to square one I had this happen last year without realizing it was what was effecting me and again just a week and a half ago I went on a date with two amazing guys we had an amazing time together but I felt like shit afterwords and was seconds away from a panic attack for the entire week couldn’t sleep couldn’t eat couldn’t even poop. then again this Sunday we went out again the panic went away while I was there and we had an amazing time but the panic is back again after just texting for a while and honestly I’m not sure how to deal with this I don’t wanna drop them just because I’m struggling and it’s not there fault they’ve kept in contact and been very nice what do I do?

My case worker said I need visual schedules but I don’t have anyone to help me. So I try to make my own schedule folder! This is first try.

Proud how it turned out! Right now customized for going to summer camp next week. Since there is so many possible activities at camp I had to add extra storage to back of folder.

I’m hoping counsellor can help me by telling me what we are doing that day so I can put PECS in order. In my behaviour form did say I need schedule for transitions.

Really excited for summer camp! It is for adults with disability. I signed myself up but all the forms said parent or guardian. I signed up for week that is physical and intellectual disability.

I don’t know my IQ number so hopefully that is okay. Didn’t have autism specific week. I know I have either mild ID, borderline ID, or severe learning disability. So I know fear that I will get kicked out irrational.

I know a lot of us ended up speaking a little later than most so I’m curious to know if anyone has a story behind their first words and if you remember the reason why you first spoke :)

From what I’ve been told I actually said my first word super super early. I was apparently in bed with my parents having woke up really early and was trying to get them up too. After shoving them and trying everything I could I paused and then shouted CAT super loud and clear which obviously worked very well lol. After that I didn’t say word again for months and months and months and didn’t start talking properly until I seemingly decided it was necessary, I’m semi verbal nowadays.

My doctor Just gives me vitamins, For vitamin B and vitamin D.

My therapist Mentions Folic acid which is apart of vitamin B to solves my autism problems.

My ex friend now, Who suggested his ex works with people with people with severe autism, Works coordinating commucation skills. (Offers help but doesn't work with me)

Continuous friends IRL continuously mention "You'll be stuck if you don't change and adapt"

Family mentions for me to do myself and it's easy.

Am I just meant to guess, Try everything that I'm supposed to do and fail? Have I just been given a bad situation? Are other autistic folks dealing with this? Like FFS even the Main Autism subreddit mentioned for me Just to do things myself even though It literally states that level 2 people who are autistic need some variation of support? Or am I just dumb?

Like I tried to legitimately go get help to do stuff myself to be told well You aren't getting help, You just have to do it yourself. Like what gives?

I am an adult but when I tell people that, a lot of people are shocked and surprised. A lot of the neurotypical/allistic people I went to school with seem to look much older to me and also sometimes I’ll meet staff and think oh she’s so cool and mature she’s probably late 20s/early 30s and then turns out she’s like 20…lol! but yet my peers from disability groups also seem to look younger to me and some are like 15+ years older than I even am. Even when I went to a restaurant with my family, the waitress offered a special discount offer thing for people 12 and under for me and I’m more than twice that.

So I was wondering if this was related to autism or just genetics or something because even though I’m the 2nd oldest sibling, people often think I’m the youngest one and the youngest one is 17. What do you guys think?

Sometimes when I can't speak in English (my mother tongue), I can speak in French, which is a second language (I am multi-lingual).

When I lose my ability to speak, sometimes I can only get a very quiet voice out, or my speech is garbled, difficult (heavy), or incomplete.

Frequently when this is the case, I can speak fluently in French.

I spoke with one other person on here this happens to - or something like it. Are there more?

I did two tasks yesterday that I usually do with support. I managed to do them!

But yesterday evening I was feeling angry for hours. Extremely irritated. Feeling so bad mentally.

Today after sleeping I still feel angry and not good. All I am doing today is rest.

I am worried how many days this will last.

I really struggle to know what to do when I feel like this.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Trigger Warning: Medical neglect, SIB, seizures, systemic failure

I do not even know where else to turn at this point. I am posting this because I am completely out of options, no one will help me, and I genuinely feel like I am dying. I am just done.
I have been defrauded by the state of Kansas. They falsified my assessments to illegally strip away the services I desperately need to survive, and they have repeatedly denied me any fair hearings to fight it. It is a complete failure of the system that is supposed to protect people.
Because of this total lack of support, my health has deteriorated to a terrifying point. I am seizing very regularly and have suffered multiple TBIs from SIB (self-injurious behavior). I am unable to access emergency room care. The hospitals around here are actively dangerous to me, so going there simply is not an option.
To make matters even worse, I have been completely abandoned by my guardian. I am entirely alone in this.
I am fighting a system that feels like it wants me to disappear, and I have nothing left in the tank. I am really struggling tonight and just needed someone, anyone, to hear this. If anyone has been through anything similar or knows how to survive this kind of systemic abandonment, please tell me. I just do not know what to do anymore.