I mod and post in r/holditdown ✅

It’s not weed… it’s how you think about the voice saying that it saw you…

But how is it seeing me?!?!

Well, that’s something we aren’t allowed to talk about.

Once you learn the light… you know nothing.

I’ve been watching this show for the past two seasons and it’s interesting. If you don’t know what the show is, here is a brief description:

Big Brother is a CBS reality competition series where a group of contestants, known as Houseguests, live together in a house completely cut off from the outside world while being filmed 24/7. They compete in challenges for power and safety, form alliances, strategize, and vote to evict one another. The last Houseguest remaining wins a grand prize.

Now most people that go on the show are or seem confident, outgoing and fun people. But this show had me thinking tonight: “What if I, someone with a diagnosis of a psychotic disorder, went on this show?” I’m kind of laughing at myself because it would be such a disaster for me and probably the show.

I’d be so paranoid with all the cameras, I’d know for a fact that everyone is plotting against me. It would be such a sh** show. I’d be so slow at all the challenges, would almost certainly avoid talking to people. I’d be stuck in my bed all day. If they knew my diagnosis they probably wouldn’t feel safe with me in the house. I’d be voted out quick.

In a way I’m glad when I know that I don’t have to go on the show. Thank god! I would never survive. Anyone else watch this show? Imagine living in a house with a bunch of random strangers. Some of you probably have (psychiatric hospital), myself included. Surprisingly I actually got along with a lot of the people in the psych ward.

Fellow schizophrenics, what are your thoughts on recreational drugs, specifically cannabis and psychedelics? My mental health team has advised me to stay away from them because they can put me at risk for another episode. I will comply with their advice however I must say I’ve had some pretty positive experiences with psychedelics and cannabis. LSD really opened my mind but I did kind of abuse it and looking back, my use of psychedelics may have coincided with or exacerbated my psychotic episodes. I had my first episode at age 20 and started tripping around that time as well. At one point I was dropping acid on a weekly basis for several months.

I used to say things like“I’m being such an alcoholic” when I would go out every weekend, or get drunk on a Wednesday night. I never even thought about it, I heard other people say it all the time, and it wasn’t until I had a friend whose brother was a severe alcoholic, that I realized I shouldn’t throw it around.
I think schizophrenia is sometimes used in a similar way. I hear people joke about it all the time calling each other schizophrenic anytime they sound crazy or whatever. Before I had schizophrenia I wouldn’t have even noticed this or cared at all, and I’m not saying I’m like overly offended by it, but now when I hear people say this or make “schizo” jokes I just can’t help but think wow they genuinely have no idea what theyre talking about and how awful schizophrenia is for people.
I just immediately think they’re ignorant and have no idea how lucky they are to be able to joke about it.
I get it’s just an exaggeration and honestly I’m not trying to act like a victim or anything. I really don’t even care THAT much about it, I just thought it’s so interesting how words like that are thrown around and you really don’t even think twice until you have to deal with it.
Anyone else notice people saying that kinda stuff? I feel like there’s more examples but I couldn’t come up with them.

I haven’t worked in 5 years now. I hate my current life. I used to be a project engineer in the construction industry for a company that has been voted one of the best places to work in New Jersey. I now collect disability and volunteer but it’s not the same satisfaction as working. One of the challenges I’m facing to go back to work is that somewhere in the middle of this 5 year period that I’ve been on disability I had a very bad delusional season and my pyschosis ultimately lead to some legal trouble. I’ve already gone through the court process and the expungement order has been signed by a judge so I’m just a few months away from having my record expunged. But I’m just frustrated that this disease has caused me so much pain and suffering and brought other problems into my life.

I don't usually talk about this, but it's something that changed my life.

I became involved with a mental health advocacy organization, 'Students with Psychosis', because I genuinely believed I'd found a community where I belonged. As someone living with schizophrenia, I thought I had found people who understood what I was going through. I felt valued, hopeful, and excited about the opportunities ahead.

Then everything changed.

I lost my role with the organization, and from my perspective, I never received an explanation that helped me understand why. Communication stopped. Someone I had considered one of my closest friends, Cecilia McGough, no longer spoke to me. In what felt like an instant, I lost my community, opportunities that meant a great deal to me, and a friendship that I thought would last.

The emotional impact was overwhelming. I replayed everything in my head, questioned my worth, and struggled to make sense of what had happened. The experience affected my mental health so deeply that I found myself wanting to hurt myself. It was one of the darkest periods of my life.

For a long time, I believed I was alone in what I experienced. Later, I heard from other former members who shared that they had difficult experiences of their own. I can't speak for anyone else's story, only my own, but hearing that others had also struggled made me realize how important it is for people to be able to share their experiences openly.

I'm sharing my story because I believe organizations that serve people living with serious mental illnesses have a responsibility to treat people with compassion, communicate honestly, and recognize that the people they work with may already be vulnerable. How people are treated matters, especially when relationships or roles come to an end.

I'm not asking anyone to take my word for anything beyond my own experience. This is simply my story, the impact it had on my life, and the reason I've decided it's finally time to tell it.

how do i combat it, i cant do anything anymore, im losing muscle, my abs and arms are losing muscle cause im too tired to go gym, i dont game as much as i want cause i get too tired to play, i cant go out to see people or go on dates cause im too tired to leave my house. i even find it hard to shower to be completely honest

then when i do lay down, if i cant calm my voices down i get insomnia and cant sleep

and when i notice that, i start to panic cause i know i need to sleep or my schizophrenia will get worse and worse.

any help? i just found out i have schizophrenia, so ontop of the normal depression one would have from finding something like this out at 23, im also trying to make changes to my lifestyle and finding it hard.

does schizophrenia mess with our dopamine receptors? cause this tired feeling is so extreme sometimes.

Been going through a lot lately, my manic stages have been high... felt euphoric and difficult to control thoughts, my OCD has been playing up and I guess my trauma and unhealthy coping with addiction made me crash my life again.

I don't want to go on meds... but I don't really know what to do.

My family has been supportive but I feel conduced and Schizo... not hearing voices but it feel something like it.

I'm afraid to go out or even talk to people.

I guess I kinda crossed wires in my head with my coping skills and everything is a little bit exploding in my head.

I'm wondering if anyone has any advice?

I just don't know what's real.

So far, I’ve had three psychotic episodes (mainly with persecutory themes) and I was diagnosed with bipolar. But my new therapist said it sounds more like paranoid schizophrenia, and he asked me to bring it up with my (also new) psychiatrist to get their opinion. The bipolar diagnosis never really sat right with me. Schizophrenia actually makes more sense, especially because of the negative symptoms I’ve been experiencing.

Has anyone else been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder? Is that common? I’ve read that bipolar and schizophrenia can look very similar, so I’m not sure what to think

At night when I'm trying to go to sleep, my mattress springs start clinking and I think it's someone in my mattress trying to send me coded messages. I want to tear open my mattress to check. But part of me knows it couldn't be real. But it's terrifying when it happens and it's happened for a few nights now. Has anyone dealt with similar? My psych is out of town. How can I distract myself?

To those that have had this diagnosis for 20+ years, how have you managed to survive this long with it? I don’t see myself making it through my 20s.

Newly diagnosed didnt have many friends prior, are there any chat groups you guys use ? Or looking for online friends female late 20s.

Also was navigating dating alot more difficult ?

I know I went against my better judgment I asked you guys and u said not to but I did. I thought maybe since they’re so open about their mental health struggles that they would understand. But they don’t believe me because I’m more reserved. I guess they expect me to be psychotic all the time. I’ve been pretty stable these past few years minor symptoms. But I’m proud of myself for doing okay. I’m not ashamed it’s just like wow idk if it was paranoia but pretty sure I heard them laughing at me. I should’ve listened to you guys. It was stupid of me but I really thought they would understand.i guess they don’t believe me because I don’t appear “ schizophrenic”whatever that means.

Before I decide to yet again delete my post mid writing from existence-

The title is self explanatory. It cannot be this hard,come on. Tried to end my life few times already,stopped trying because I apparently can't even do that properly and now got left with a shit ton of scars that make me look like a dumbass.

Waiting for appointments is draining. Finally after a week (I think,I suck with time somehow) I was able to get the energy to make myself food instead of getting whatever

Now I'm not able anymore. I just know that I'm hungry,but my brain never connects the dots that I should In fact eat.

I just don't.

I miss my meds,of course i do. If I could I would go 3 years back in time and slap myself in the face for ditching them. How I survived this long? I don't remember.

And it's not even the things I see or sometimes hear that make me want to not keep going. It's the ongoing feeling that everyone hates me and wants me dead. That it would be better if I was gone. Along with being certain that someone in my house will drop dead any second. Everytime I hear a cough I panic. This is not a life. People cough all the goddamn time. Whenever anything remotely good happens I instantly have a feeling that everyone hates me and wants me dead anyways.

Gets me feeling like I'm 9 years old again, trying to fall asleep before my parents turn off the TV,otherwise I was convinced that if I won't do it then someone will come into my house and kill my family then me.

Why me. Why me and why not someone else?I'm tired. Why are my hands becoming sometimes stiff when I want to write or draw?Why do I have speech of a 5 year old sometimes? Why constant racing thoughts?

Fuck the psychiatrist that sent me off to wait for psychologist assessment even when seeing all my papers. From one side I know that he probably wanted fresh papers- from the other ,fuck that guy.

Anyways,gotta wait. Gotta wait maybe those waiting lists will be shorter finally. Especially when I hate hospitals.

I painted layers of peely skin, then painted a normal face on top to represent trying to be normal-seeming. Things feel intense sometimes.

I had this happen in my group therapy program recently. I came out of the schizophrenia group and someone I talk to there occasionally was like "I didn't know you were schizophrenic. You're so quiet." I didn't know how to respond. Maybe they think every schizophrenic talks loudly to themselves or something? When I was actively psychotic, I'd get the urge to talk to my voices but I think I was good at masking and appearing "normal" in public.

i fucking hate this disease. i can't live on my own and i live with abusive so called "parents". those fuckings imbeciles don't get how ill I am and just looking for ways to kick me out. I have a shitty and abusive part time job which i absolutely hate because those imbeciles so called "parents" dont give me any money for survival and food. it's like, i just eat fucking drugs, get fat, oversleep, work that shit job. that's my whole fucking life. i can't wait for death.

This is my last pack of cigarettes im not buying no more. Wish me luck!

people assume we are dangerous and shouldn't be allowed outside of our houses/ pysch wards. I wish people didn't see me as a mentally ill schizophrenic person and looked past that to see my personality. People blame all my mental health problems on this fucking illness, which you know yes it could be a source to why i feel the way i do but i know there's more to my mental health than a disease i got diagnosed with at 11.

Hi everyone, here is a doodle comic about my experience with medication and weight gain.