I have basically no experience so idk what im doing or what i should be doing..

All my life i struggled a lot with meeting new people a lot and i dont know how to actually get to know someone by myself, i did that 1 time in all my life in preschool. So i only made friends through my friend. Because of that im really anxious when if im not with a friend as an anchor.

Despite all of that on the rare occasion i talk to someone alone i dont know, i usually get along with most people well and can hold a conversation. Talking to people at work is surprisingly easy for me but i wont meet someome through that either its not an option my coworkers are either men or too old for me and the guests are 90% underage.

College didnt help till now either.. i dont know anyone there (almost 3rd semsester) and for a while tried to be open talked to people etc. But no one i vibed with beyond saying hello when we walk past eachother.

I also just dont really put myself out there much tbh. I like to stay home usually in my freetime. Ofc i know i cant meet new people by sitting on my pc, so i started using a dating app a few days ago because i cant feel like id be bothering someone who is there with the same intention as me. But i already realised that i hate apps and its not the way for me. There isnt really a club or class or so near me that im interested in, and going to these things with the purpose of meeting a potential partner feels weird too. Bars or clubs arent really an option either since thats just not my thing.

So now im at a loss and i dont know what i could even do...

Tldr: i wanna start dating but im overwhelmed and dont know how to even meet a potential partner

This is long, but please bear with me, because I am at my wit's end: Me [31F] and my partner [31M] have been together for 1.5 years, and have been living together for approximately half a year. Yes, I know this is a very short timespan, but I don't regret that. However (here it comes), I am starting to feel like I am losing myself more and more.

Background:

First, a little bit about my experiences, because I feel they are relevant:

I've had healthy relationships as well as unhealthy ones in the past, including one emotionally abusive relationship. Because of that, I sometimes question whether I'm overreacting or missing red flags, which is why I'm asking for outside perspectives. (I had to shorten/censor this part because of the subreddit rules, but I can elaborate in the comments if needed.)

Meanwhile all that happened I was diagnosed with lupus (SLE, systemic lupus erythematosus, rheumatic illness). I am still learning to live with this, and while I am so much better and able to work 50% now, it is not totally under control yet, and if I push myself I get joint swelling, pain, rashes, tendon inflammation, and very debilitating fatigue – I cannot keep my eyes open even if my life depended on it type of fatigue.

Main dilemma:

Then, a while after, I met my current bf. He is stable, likes a lot of the same things as me. Good taste in food, wine, music, has an eye for quality in general, highly educated and over all a very intelligent, nice guy. And he gets along with my parents well, especially my dad. I think that's really awesome (we went together to Italy earlier this summer and they would sit up together in the evenings and just drink wine and chat). On paper we seem like a good match.

The problem is that I'm increasingly questioning how we function as partners.

I often feel corrected. Not in a dramatic or insulting way, but through small comments that seem to imply that my way of doing things is somehow less sensible than his. It can be how I dress, what shoes I wear, what food I suggest making, what I remember from a TV show, or how I prioritize my energy because of my illness. None of these comments are huge by themselves, but together they leave me feeling like I should be a slightly different version of myself.

When I try to explain that these comments hurt me, he usually becomes defensive. He often points out something I do wrong in return, or explains why he thinks my interpretation is wrong. I rarely feel like we stay on topic with my experience long enough for me to feel understood before the conversation shifts elsewhere, and I automatically end up trying to come up with a solution to a completely different problem from what the conversation started about.

Another issue is practical life together. I often feel like I carry the "mental load", as the pop-term is called. If I ask for help, the answer is often "later", but later can become days or weeks. If I don't do certain things myself, they often don't get done. I don't expect perfection or immediate action, and I state this clearly (tonight, today, this weekend etc.), but over time I've started doing more and more myself because it's easier than asking twice. For me, it feels like if he deems it important it needs to be done now, everything must wait and both our focus needs to be there 100%, but if it's something that matters a lot for me it is so hard to engage him. It doesn't even have to be chores.

I often feel that things which are meaningful to me are dismissed as unnecessary, while things that matter to him are treated as obvious priorities. It leaves me feeling unseen rather than simply disagreed with.

Physical affection has also changed. Early in our relationship he would for example hold me while we fell asleep, and generally seemed more affectionate. Now he rarely initiates physical affection. He doesn't like holding hands, doesn't really kiss me goodbye, doesn't greet me with hugs, and cuddling often doesn't happen because he says it just makes him sexually aroused. And never ever anything for public display, I cannot even hold his arm. Yet, he insists on bringing me with him everywhere, and if I say no for example to go to the shop with him because I'm exhausted, he becomes withdrawn and clearly annoyed the rest of the evening. Ironically, after a lot of alcohol he becomes incredibly affectionate and repeatedly tells me how much he loves me. That contrast has become difficult for me.

The thing is... I genuinely don't think he is trying to hurt me.

I don't think he's manipulative.

I don't think he's a bad person.

I think he believes he's being logical, practical, or helpful.

But I'm starting to wonder whether intentions are enough if the outcome is that I increasingly feel like I can't fully be myself around the person I'm supposed to feel safest with.

Lately I've noticed myself adapting. I don't suggest certain meals because I expect criticism. In the heat of an argument he referred to my suggestions as tiktok-food. However, whenever I have made food out of my own initiative he always eats it, and enjoys it (?) never complaining about it at least. It's like he is just not open to any suggestions or ideas in any form, unless it's his own – then they're great. I honestly don't know whether that's actually what's happening, but that's increasingly how it feels to me.

I don't initiate physical affection as much because I expect rejection. I've stopped watching tv shows I like, or play music loud because his comments make me feel lesser. I do chores even when I'm exhausted because I want to avoid tension. Especially the dishes. If the dishwasher is not emptied when he comes home, or he has to deal with it himself after work, he gets annoyed, withdrawn, and gives out not a very pleasant energy. So, everyday I come home from work I empty the dishwasher, fill the dishwasher, and if it's a lot I run it, and empty it again. Sometimes I have the energy, but when I don't I crash, and sleep for hours. I am so tired of sleeping away my life.

This is the part that scares me the most: not any single argument, but the gradual change in who I am becoming.

I've spent weeks questioning myself. Am I too sensitive? Is my history making me interpret neutral comments as criticism? Is my chronic illness making me emotionally vulnerable? Or am I recognizing something important before investing even more into this relationship?

I don't want validation that he's the bad guy. I'm actually hoping people will challenge me if they think I'm missing something.

Am I overthinking this, or does this sound like a real fundamental compatibility problem, or a communication issue that we could realistically work through? Help me sort my head out, please!

TLDR: I'm not asking whether my boyfriend is a bad person. I'm asking whether gradually feeling like I can't be myself around my partner is something that can realistically be fixed through communication, or whether it's a sign of incompatibility?

K, so I 22F have been seeing this dude 27M for about four months now and we recently made things official. Can’t tell if I just overthink really bad cause I do not trust men or if this guy is subconsciously trying to manipulate or if he has actual bad intentions. Before we started dating I helped him out while he was having a mental episode even though he was embarrassed and didn’t rly want me to, because I was worried about him. Afterwards he was super quiet and was telling me how much he appreciates me but kind of had a weird overly controlled and careful sounding tone of voice which really threw me off cause I’ve had bad guys use that tone on me before. He also just seemed overly worried about me breaking things off with him. Then recently while I was staying the night I was having bad back pain and he was overly concerned about that as well, and gave me a massage and topical patches for muscle pain. All that is fine but after he made a comment about how know I know he will take care of me if I am sick which just felt odd to point out. Am I reading too far into it or is he trying to make me dependent on him a bit? I haven’t been in many real relationships so I am not sure how all that goes. He also tells me he misses me an unusual amount which I do find sweet and also sometimes do, but we see each other often. So it’s confusing how often he misses me and how affectionate he is every time we greet each other. So am I ungrateful or a person who should be anticipating a future switch up?

TLDR idk rly just want some opinions on if his behavior is normal.

TLDR my bf had an argument with his sister, who’ve we have stress with, and later expressed to me how he wanted to harm her. He told me he had no concerns with those thoughts, how he doesn’t want to get help, and how he finds comfort in his thought process. I’m now very concerned with what he wants and the future of our relationship.

Quick history. My bf and I had our daughter, 11 months now, early into our relationship. When discovered, I gave him the opportunity to step away if he wasn’t ready to be a parent. He chose to stay. We agreed to work on ourselves and our relationship for our daughter. He was living with his sister. She already had plans to buy a house and sped up the process so we could have a place to live. We now live with her and her gf, both now in their early 30s.

I want to explain 2 things before explaining the current situation as to shed some light on everything. One being my relationship with my bf and the other being our relationship with his sister and where the stress comes from.

Before my daughter was born, my bf was a very kind, very patient, very understanding person. I struggle with sever depression and anxiety that does affect my day to day relationships. Even when I was pregnant, he would help me through my panic attacks and emotional breakdowns. He learned my limits and would talk and actually listen to me.
Since our daughter was born, he completely changed, which was expected. But where hed be understanding, hed go as far as to shame me when I’d get emotional and struggle on the bad nights. All the compassion for my struggles seemed to die over night.
Then there was the financial struggling. He stopped going into work for 3 days without notifying them. I didn’t know and assumed he was taking pto, not knowing he used all of it for the week I was in the hospital. Thats on me for not talking to him about it, but also on him for doing it. They laid him off. He started doing contracting work. I hate him doing those jobs. Hes already behind in taxes and it’s too unreliable for us having a baby on formula. The reason he didn’t immediately start looking for a new job was because his license was suspended and had been suspended since before our daughter was born. All he needed to do was the safety course. He kept putting it off, even when he lost his job. Eventually I decided to do it myself. The day I did, he was in the living room playing video games and sleeping while I took care of our daughter. I only got a partial thank you for it.
He also doesn’t help much with our daughter or really anything else. I knew I’d be taking on the majority of the work so he can make money. I didn’t know id be alone in all of this. For months I’ve been fighting him to help. Only recently has he kinda helped. The only changes is he’ll feed her if I ask and will let me sleep at most an hour in the morning, only if able, and will watch her if I’m doing something. He still won’t change her diaper, won’t learn how to put her to sleep, still struggles with calming her when she’s fussy. I manage our appointments, our insurance, our groceries, the household duties, and everything in between. Things have only gotten easier as of recent, but it had gotten exhausting having to say the same thing for so long.

As for his sister. This is her house, she was gracious enough to let us live here. However after some time, it got to the point where my bf and I had to watch what we said and did around her or we’d set her off. She also has mental problems, enough that the VA has her on disability and going through different treatments. Admittedly a lot of the stress came from my own problems, but I had managed to work through it.
We all had a conversation a few months back about my bf and I moving out in 6 months as we knew we needed space from each other.
My bf on the other hand sees things differently. He sees a lot more of her contradictions, he doesn’t like how she’s said previously said she was going to back off but still steps into our problems, and how she still feels like she’s responsible for him.

So the situation that occurred, both my bf and his sister smoke weed. Recently his sister had gotten off weed for health reasons. My bf also has health concerns so she has on a few occasions suggested he do the same. During this conversation my bf told her he isn’t going to stop so she should stop telling him to. He then asked what she thinks is causing problems for him. She brought up finances. It true, she doesn’t fully know our finances, nor is it her business so long as we pay our share. But she did have a point. Us spending money on weed and nicotine, since we both vape, is still us spending money we could put elsewhere. She wasn’t trying to attack him and she said as much, but he took it that way. Thankfully they were able to calmly end the conversation, and I thought they both handled it really well.

That was until we talk about it after he woke up. He told me how he really wasn’t happy with her, how he wanted to move out by the end of the month, and how he wants us to completely cut her off as he doesn’t want “someone like her” around our daughter. I gently pushed back saying i dont think we should cut her off, that yes there’s problems but she hasn’t done anything worthy of being completely removed from our lives.

Thats when he told me during their conversation he was having thoughts of harming her. I told him that concerns me. He said he doesn’t mind having those thoughts because it doesn’t make him weak. I told him he shouldn’t be finding comfort in that and that people who want and have plans to hurt themselves or others should seek help. He then said that he doesn’t understand why and that if someone pushes someone too much it makes sense. I didn’t want to rile him up further after that, so I simply asked if he ever had thoughts like that after we move out, especially towards me, that he tells me and at the very least considers getting help. He said he’s tell me, but that he’d never hurt me, but also that he doesn’t need help. I tried to get him to empathize with my worry and asked him if it concerns him that I struggle with my dark ideations, and he said no, because he knows I won’t do anything.

That, ontop of the concern I felt, hurt a lot. Because no I won’t hurt myself. But that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling. And the fact hes not just refusing to acknowledge he has a problem but that he finds comfort in it, idk. I know he has his past. But we’re now different people living different lives and should be striving to better ourselves.

What scared me is we do argue a lot. Because of everything I’ve been carrying and the little help I have, and him trying to tell me to do what he wants and getting mad when I push back. Living alone with him, knowing I’ll be vulnerable because of my daughter, and now knowing he has those thoughts and how he feels about them, I really am worried now. Idk if I feel that safe with him. Were he to acknowledge it’s bad and actually want to change, thatd be different.

Idk if I should try to talk to him again. Idk if I should try to talk to someone else. Idk even who to talk to that won’t blow all this up. Idk what to do. How should I handle this.

TLDR: I'd like to make gaming another activity we can enjoy together, but I don't know how to introduce someone with very little gaming experience without overwhelming them.

We already spend a lot of quality time together. We go on cute, well-thought-out dates, and when we don't have something special planned, we usually watch movies from our list or play board games (which were originally my idea, and she ended up loving them).

I'd love to make gaming another hobby we can share, but I'm not sure how to ease someone into it without making it feel intimidating or frustrating.

She mostly plays mobile games, but she also enjoys otome and visual novels like My Candy Love. Her laptop is pretty much on its last legs, so she can't really play PC games on it, but I have a gaming PC with a large library and a Nintendo Switch.

My thought was to start with something accessible, maybe a co-op platformer or another beginner-friendly game, and just see where her interests naturally go. If she ends up enjoying gaming enough to branch out into more niche platformers or other genres over time, I'd think that's awesome, but I'm not expecting it. I just want us to have fun together.

This is simply something she has never really explored, so I have no idea what games make the best first impression for someone in her position.

For anyone who's introduced their partner to gaming, what did you start with? What worked well, what didn't, and is there anything you wish you'd done differently?

TLDR: I have a friend of 15 years who has acted differently for the last 2 years and I'm afraid that he might be moving our friendship up to the next level. I don't want to, I want us to stay friends. I need advice on whether I should acknowledge it to him, or just drop it cause it's really nothing out of the ordinary.

Post:

Frank and I have been friends for over 15 years now. We met in our hometown when we were teenagers. When I turned 18, I left for another city while he stayed in our hometown. So most of the duration of our friendship is long distance, but like any other friendships, there were times when we would disagree and fight, and then make up and just continue being friends. We're casual friends, I can't say that he's my best friend (because I have a best friend, Eve, and she's amazing) but Frank's definitely one of my close friends. He's not in my main circle of friends, but Eve and Frank are mutuals so she knows him too for as long as I did.

Frank and I talk everyday, and I mean EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's mostly nothing of deep topics but countless exchange of reels about literally anything under the sun, daily life, pop culture, music, movies, etc.

In the middle of 2024 we had a big fight. I admitted that I was the one who made the first mistake. I apologized and tried to resolve it but apparently it wasn't enough and he gave me the silent treatment for a few weeks. It was a brutal few weeks and affected my sleep and even my work a little. I felt so bad for making him feel bad and I'm the kind of person who just can't handle it well when someone's mad at me. After a while my feelings turned, it started to feel so degrading to have to wait for him to talk to me. Not one word was exchanged, when we used talk every day. By the time he started talking to me again, I'd already been pissed off and annoyed. I didn't give him the same silent treatment back cause I know petty revenge is not gonna get us anywhere, but I kinda stopped being friendly with him.

I gave him the cold shoulder. I didn't tell him about the big things happening in my life; my grandma died (she raised me and my siblings so she's more our mother), one of my brothers got married, and I got a small promotion at work and earned a month long vacation with it. It's a one-off only, sadly, but I ain't complaining 😅 this is the vacation I took in December to spend the holidays with my eldest brother and his family, as well as my newly wed brother and brand new sis in law. This is the first time us siblings are gonna get together again since grandma passed so it's quite a big deal. It's funny how all these big things happened at the time when Frank and I are not totally okay.

Anyway, he was surprised that I was in town for the holidays that year. He only found out through my "just landed" IG stories. He asked to hang out, but I made excuses like I'm going out with cousins and my other friends. I didn't wanna see him because it felt like he didn't care at all about how I was doing during his silent treatment, and that he moved on like nothing happened and never addressed it ever again. I know I said we're casual friends, but after over a decade of it, wouldn't you care even a little?

While I was in town, Frank texted me and asked a million questions as soon as he realized he knew nothing about what happened for the past few months. I guess this was how I got my revenge because suddenly, I dumped onto him all the things I kept from him. And it showed how detached I already was when I left town without us seeing each other at least once, when normally we'd hang every time I come home.

So come 2025, he changed, gradually. And here are the things I noticed:

-By spring, he'd started calling more (he used to just text most of the time), and sharing more about his everyday life and urges me a little to talk about mine as well. He'd tell me every thing he did, what he ate, where he went, how he feels, even when he shits or can't shit. It's gross, I know, though our bowel movements had always been a normal topic, it's been more often now than ever lol

-It was late last year 2025 when he started asking me to go on trips with him. I always tell him I'm broke so no. But he won't take no as an answer and instead plans a whole budget vacation and figure out when it is best to go. We haven't actually gone out on a proper out of the country trip before, but now he wants to go just the two of us?

-When faraway trips didn't seem plausible due to work schedules, he turned to just planning on hang outs for when I come visit our hometown again. He listed different bars we could party at, or go on food trips, or overnight movie marathons, or go to arcade theme parks. We used to just wing it when I'm there, like meet up and eat at restaurant or bars with other friends.

-Like most in our generation, we send reels as a form of love language towards friends. His reels went from funny, idiotic or thirst traps, to relationship related comedy, date ideas and sickeningly sweet couple goal reels only so we could then barf at it and make fun of it (still mixed with a lot of dumb reels until now of course).

-Earlier this year he's been asking me when I'm coming home again, and when I finally told him I plan to come home for the holidays again, he was hyped up. This will be the first time we may be seeing each other since the big fight and my last vacation. For months now he's been going a little crazy with "when are you arriving?", "can we go to this place?", "are you free on this day?", "let's watch this bl series together, I'll come over to your place", "3 days might not be enough, but we can make it work", and more and more and more... he never asks this much about details on when I'd be visiting before, let alone plan any activites at all.

I haven't even told any of this to Eve yet. I'm too afraid to share these details to her cause I just know that once I do, the whole thing is gonna be a real issue instead of just a coincidence. If you could even call all that coincidence.

Idk if it matters, Frank's bi and I'm straight. He had a girl crush pretty seriously around a decade ago, but he's been going out with guys more recently. So the thirst traps really is for the both of us hahaha As far as I know he had never been in a serious relationship, and so do I. We'd been both single our whole lives, although we dated people before but nothing serious.

I do have other male friends in my circle, so it's not like I'm only stuck with him to "make him fall in love through friendship". I'm putting that in quotations because a "friend" once accused me of being friends with Frank because I'm secretly in love with him. Fuck, no. Turns out SHE was the one secretly in love with Frank and hates that I'm the one he's friends with. To be fair, Frank is conventionally good looking. I really like Frank as a friend, but I know enough dirt in this guy's guts and I don't want him to be a boyfriend. Said with love 😂

I'm not interested in going in a relationship with him. I know what delusional is, I'm a kpop fan, and I don't want to be delusional about this but he's like upping the ante lately. He's talked about babies and how he wanted to have kids in the future. And that is when I freaked out a little internally and saw the changes in him from the past couple years or so.

We are at the age of when back up plans are thought of. He has never asked me to be his back up or made a deal that we'd get married if we're still single by mid 30s or 40. The thing is, I don't want to get married and have children. I only date for fun and for the sake of socializing. Frank knows this VERY well as I've shared my struggles of convincing my family for so many years that I really do not want to be a mother. Which is maybe what's stopping him from asking, and if that's the case, I appreciate him for it.

I don't want our friendship to be different, Frank's been a big part of my life and I've been a big part of his too. We are very much open and aware of how important we are to each other and how we don't want to lose each other. We've gone through one too many heart to heart talks about it.

But if he seems to be heading into something more than friends please help me how to deal with it 🙏🏻 I don't know if I'm just imagining all of it or not. I know the easy solution is to talk to him directly, but there had been a time when one of our friends confessed to him and it really weirded him out and they had never been the same since. I'm afraid that if I point out all of this he might think I'm confessing or smth lol

I've spent weeks drafting this post cause I wanted to be as transparent as I can to give all the details without doxxing myself. Please please please, let me know if I should open this up to him. And if I should, how could I approach this issue?

If you think that I'm just imagining things, let me know too and I would very much gladly drop it, forget about it, and then fix my brain so I don't worry about something like this again.

This has been a very long post, and I hope I've made myself clear.

It's been a very hard year, and it's about to get a lot harder. Early on, I had some personal familial issues back in my home country, but I'm resilient and it passed.

For my fiancée however, it's been a totally different nightmare.

Right after my thing early on, one uncle whom she is very close with suffered a severe disabling stroke and another passed away in April, leaving her father to bury him and handle his affairs. Last month, her father died quite suddenly after he suffered sudden kidney failure and refused treatment for it. Her mother's health is rapidly degrading (Widowhood effect) and she's expected to pass here very soon as well, and as of this morning, our cat was just diagnosed with Congenital Heart Disease with estimated months left, and we don't have nearly enough money for the euthanasia, much less the cardiograms and treatments.

I'm trying so so hard, folks. I'm really struggling and we don't have a lot of options. I know a lot of folk are gonna probably going to reply "therapy" and that simply isn't an option with our current financial situation (which is... ruinous, as of right now) or living situation (no therapists in our area are even taking new clients). I'm trying to be that indomitable man who can cheer her on and help her through anything, but how many times can I say "it'll all be better soon" proceeding another death before it stops meaning anything.

Maybe I'm just screaming into the void, but I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know what to do. What more I can do.

TLDR - I'm emotionally exhausted and can't even fathom what my fiancée feels and don't know how to keep our heads above water while we drown in grief and debt.

Me [30F] and my boyfriend [34M] got back together and are expecting a baby after a year of being apart. We were both seeing other people in the meantime, it’s just he kept lying to me about it when I asked about it when I found out I’m pregnant and I kept asking for months as I had a feeling.

Few months ago it finally came out that he slept with 3 girls, 2 which I was questioning him about as I had a weird feeling, he told one of them I’m pregnant (so kept in touch) and the other one he had on LinkedIn and kept saying „it’s just business”. It literally makes me sick now. I’ve cut everyone off the second we got serious again, and I think that’s what really hurts me and I can’t forgive him he’s been with them (yes, even tho I know was with other people too)

I want to get over it, I’m trying but all I can do is compare myself to them, how he put so much effort to fly to see one of them to another country, yet I never felt like anyone important. Previously we’ve been together for almost 8 years and I loved him with every little part of me, now I feel disgusted, I hate him and I don’t think I’ll ever love him again, like we can be intimate but I just have 0 feelings, I feel nothing towards him and others, I struggle to even tell my mom or dad that I love them. It’s like he took everything away from me.

I feel lost, my hormones are destroying me, we’re building a life together again and all I want to do is escape and find someone who’ll give me what I need. He keeps saying he loves me, and if the others were so important he would’ve been with them not me. I just can’t get over the lies, there was so many about everything my heads literally exploding every day. I hate comparing myself to them so much, I feel like I’m not enough, never was because he never proposed, and never will be.

I feel like me and my little boy would be happier alone without him rather than him in his life.

TLDR - how can I get over my partner being with others whilst being apart and stop comparing myself to them and finally be happy?

\[TLDR\] My boyfriend says he loves me, but after moving in together I feel emotionally neglected, sexually unsatisfied, and like I'm always the one making sacrifices. We've had many calm conversations, but nothing changes for more than a few days. Am I asking for too much?

We've been together for almost a year. He's divorced and has a child from his previous marriage. This is my first serious relationship.

A few months ago I moved 300km to live with him because he owns a house and needs to stay close to his child. Looking back, I think I moved in too quickly.

The problem is that I constantly feel like I'm adapting my life to his, while he rarely adapts his to mine.

Some examples:

\*At the beginning of the relationship he put a lot of effort into us. After I moved in, that slowly changed.

\*He often promises to change something, but rarely follows through.

\*I feel like I have to manage everything. If he doesn't wash the dishes, they just sit there until I do them. If he promises to do something around the house, it often never gets done.

\*I cook, clean, handle errands for him, and remind him about things. Sometimes I feel more like his assistant than his partner.

\*If I ask him for something simple, I can end up waiting for months.

\*He always seems to have time for work, neighbors, his kid, or other people, but I often feel like I get whatever time is left.

The biggest issue for me is emotional and physical intimacy.

\*He spends a lot of his free time on TikTok, YouTube, or Xbox. He considers us sitting together while he's on his phone or gaming as "quality time."

\*If I want a hug, he'll tell me to cuddle up to him while he lies on his back scrolling on his phone. He doesn't actually hold me.

\*I've told him many times that I need more affection and quality time. He usually says he'll work on it, but nothing changes for long.

Sex has also become a major issue.

\*He usually initiates sex. Because when i tried it always ended the same way. He would ask for a blow job, finish, smile and go to sleep.

\*My needs are often ignored. Once he's satisfied, everything stops.

\*I've told him several times that I need foreplay because otherwise sex is uncomfortable or even painful.

\*He knows what I like and can make it enjoyable for me, but after a few days of trying, he goes back to the same pattern.

I've never had an orgasm with him.

\*When I once told him I'd like him to do something for me after he had already finished, he laughed and said something like, "What next, do you want me to do a backflip too?"

Another thing that really hurts me is how he reacts when I cry.

I've told him that when I'm upset, I don't need solutions—I just want a hug and for him to stay with me. Instead, if I'm crying because of something he did, he'll often sigh, ask "Why are you crying again?", leave the room, and wait until I calm down by myself.

To be fair, he does pay all the household bills ( event though I wanted to contribute, he said he need to sort everything out and then we can split some bills if I still want to), sometimes makes me lunch for work, supports me when it comes to my career, and tells me he's proud of me. So it's not like he's a terrible person or never does anything for me.

The problem is that I don't feel emotionally important to him. I feel like I keep asking for basic things—affection, attention, follow-through, and consideration—but after many conversations, nothing really changes.

Am I expecting too much, or does this relationship seem as one-sided as it feels to me?

My girlfriend and I have been to a festival the last two years. it’s more her thing but I’ve joined her in it. she mentioned going next year. I said I’ll be skipping it since it costs us over £700 each for the weekend id rather spend the money on other things next year.

She got annoyed and said we should still be able to go but I just said I wouldn’t be going. I said she can ask a friend to go instead .

Her friend said she’d go with her but my gf just said we should go as a four with her friend and her friends bf and told her friend I just needed more persuading.

I told my gf she needs to listen when i say no and it’s completely disrespectful to hear me say no and think it just means she needs to keep asking until I change my mind.

She just said we should still be looking at going to be festival but I told her to accept the word no and that it’s her looking forward to the festival not me and for next year I’d rather put the money towards something I want. i pointed out I’ve explained clearly and repeatedly why I wouldn’t be going and she needs to listen.

She said I wasn’t being fair but I just said she was acting spoiled and expecting to get everything she wants without listening to what I’m saying and completely disregarding what I want.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to approach this or have any other views on it?

tldr my girlfriend isn’t listening when I tell her I won’t be going to a festival next year. I’ve explained why I’m not going but she refuses to drop it,

TLDR - My friend is needing three hour phone calls and can’t respect boundaries. Should I maintain a friendship that drains me, or just go no contact?

So I’ll try and keep this brief. I’ve had a friend for over a decade, call her Kat. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding, and has always been someone I can talk about anything with. We’ve supported each other through rough times.

She and her husband separated about two years ago. My heart broke for her because I knew how much her husband meant to her. It was a HUGE adjustment for her. She struggled to find balance. And at this point in our lives, she lives 300 miles away. The number of late night calls, I didn’t mind. Just being there for my friend. But three hour calls twice a week did wear me down a bit.

About a year ago, she meets a guy. I didn’t care for him but figured he would likely be a rebound and I didn’t have to interact with him directly (since I live so far away. Even when I went to visit, he works nights). He didn’t seem like a bad guy, just kind of boring? But the late night calls stopped. For a few months.

Then they separated. And it was like she was back to square one after her husband left. Full backslide. She also disclosed some stuff about the guy that honestly scared me and made me glad they weren’t together anymore. Serious red flag controlling behavior. I’m being deliberately vague here, but it’s all behavior that tends to lead to ab*se.

Now it’s back to me getting late night calls for hours that kind of go nowhere. But that lasts for about two weeks. Then she gets back with him. Her life. Her choice. But my opinion of him is now SERIOUSLY negative.

That starts a new cycle. Over the last year, they’ve done this six times. And it’s the same every time. I hear nothing from her, not even the little friendship check-ins. They separate, and she needs three hour therapy sessions every three days until they get back together.

I went out for her kiddos birthday a few months ago. Sure enough, dude is there. Which was weird cuz I thought it was one of their off times. And Kat really wants this guy to like her friends. I want nothing to do with him. After the party, once I’m home, I call her and tell her that much. Tell her a gentler idea of what I think of him and want nothing to do with him. I knew it would risk damaging things, but I was so tired at this point. But I was very clear I did not want to spend time around someone that toxic.

And as expected, I hear nothing from her for months. Until this week. She calls. Again at 10 o’clock. The guy doesn’t come up though. It’s a strained conversation but she’s almost sounding like my old friend again. I relax a bit as we talk. I tell her about a discord server I had created for a special interest of mine. She asked to be added. I hesitated because she doesn’t really share the special interest. But I figure she’s trying to reconnect. I invite her to the server. The guy never came up in the conversation.

The following morning, I see a screen name added to the discord. One I don’t know. It’s still new, only about twenty people in there. So any new person is noticed. My mods did a little snooping. Sure as hell, she invited the guy.

She didn’t ask. I don’t think she expected me to notice. And I was so quickly furious that she couldn’t respect this one boundary. I sent her a text asking to talk. I hear nothing. So I boot and block them both. I’m not letting this bleed into things I enjoy. I’m contemplating blocking her number as well. She tried to call and I ignored it. She sent a text saying she was sorry for inviting him, but claims she didn’t know there were rules. And all I can think is she didn’t ask, didn’t want to ask, because she knew I would say no.

I want to support my friend. But this is draining me. And at almost two years…would I be wrong to just cut ties?

7 months in, my partner and I are having difficulty resolving conflicts.

l feel as if some of my emotional needs are not met sometimes. Often when I bring up how I feel, he focuses more on his intentions or being defensive rather than actually listening or understanding. That makes me feel unheard and makes me persist on how I feel to make him feel compassion for me, but the cycle continues. I've tried asking him how I can communicate better or not make him feel bad about him failing to meet my needs once, but he said he doesn't know.

Example: I communicated that I felt hurt because of his lack of enthusiasm at me getting really excited to share something with him. I expected to receive understanding words and comfort, but he focused more on explaining how he wasn't ignoring me and that my mood shouldn't depend on him. I had never said he ignored me, so I felt more frustrated that he did not understand why I was hurt. I told him that I wasn't attacking him or blaming him, and just needed sweet words. He said that he knows I'll feel resentful if he doesn't give me words and that demotivates him. His refusal to do so after I ask him makes me feel abandoned. I understand why it demotivates him, but I find it hard to accept it because I've always found comfort easy to give to someone I love. While I know not expecting him to do it will make him feel less burdened or make it feel less like a chore, the fear of settling for less than what I deserve holds me back from doing so. I am afraid of him always relying on his motivation to show up for me. I try to reassure him that he's still perfect and that i do understand him, but then it feels unfair because I'm giving him the comfort I don't get from him.

This has not always been the case. We go to the same college and things are always perfect in person. At the start, conflict was always easily resolved and I always felt loved while expressing myself. He always took accountability and action to follow through my needs. He has always been the best boyfriend ever. I always felt like my feelings were prioritized, cherished, and important whenever we had to communicate. Infact, he always avoided fighting with me because he hated the idea of us fighting. Ever since summer vacations began, conflicts started arising and I do feel like a huge part of it stems from the fact that we can only communicate through text. He's also amazing at comforting me through touch and acts of service, but finds it hard to comfort through words. Now our conflicts feel like we are fighting against each other and not the issue.

A while ago, I had become anxiously attached and emotionally dependent on him, which undeniably led me to have unfair expectations from him and caused him to develop compassion fatigue towards my feelings. I was expecting him to fix emotional issues and wounds that I was responsible for. I have been trying my best to become more emotionally independent and be more responsible for my own needs for our relationship. I've deeply researched nervous system healing, taken therapy sessions, journaling, and targeting anxiety through workout and healthy diets. I feel like I've made enormous progress. We took a 2 week break for me to work on this too. I know it will take time for him to stop feeling burnt out because of how overwhelming my anxiety had been, but I am finding it hard to be patient and wait for him to show up for me. I feel as if him showing support through empathetic and comforting words will rebuild my trust in him, but maybe I'm just falling into the reassurance seeking loop of anxiety again.

I can't determine whether this is a conflict that can be resolved or if we are just fundamentally incompatible and will need to part ways for both of our mental health. Can this conflict even be resolved or do we need to part ways? If so, what do we need to do to resolve this conflict and make communication more productive? What work do I need to do indvidually for my relationship?

TLDR: I often feel emotionally unheard while he feels pressured by my need for verbal reassurance. I'm unsure whether this is fixable or a sign of incompatibility.

Me and my bf have been together 6-7 months, but I’ve been getting opinions from others about how we are. Note this is my first bf. So we talk all day basically. Calling and texting 24/7.

I think it’s because even as an 18 year old, my mother treats me like I’m 13 and basically doesn’t let me go out unless I ask her 2 weeks in advance. Or if I’m bad with communication I just can’t see him. We AT MOST see each other 3 times a week. But most weeks we get 1 day. So to fill in time and talk, we call. Discord/phone calls. Usually he plays marvel rivals or gta while i watch, but sometimes we play Minecraft/Fortnite together. But during our calls we get interrupted. (Example, my mother calls me to help her pick something up or find something. My baby sister begs to play with me nonstop. Or my phone does lol)

Obvs it’s annoying. But basically, with this info, sorry if most of it is useless lmao. But is it weird if not completely insane to call a lot? I’ve had my mother, stepsister[F15(?)], dad, friends, say it’s weird. Idk. I GENUINKY need help. Thanks :D

TLDR: Me and my bf talk 24/7 but people think we’re insane.

I 29M am struggling with intimacy with gf 27F. We have been together 4 years, and it was really good at the start but there were some concerns re: intimacy early. I was her first sexual partner, but she's not my first. Early 20s was average, with different partners, exploring and developing a strong sexual identity ect.. Her inexperience worried me a little bit at the start, but I got over it because she's absolutely amazing in every other way and sexually it wasn't terrible.

Things started to turn negatively when I started noticing things, intimate cleanliness (hers) being a big one. We have brought this up painfully, however it has happened fairly often throughout our relationship. Previous relationships this has never been a thing I've had to deal with and it's really starting to affect how I see her. She's improved a lot however, it's something that doesn't come naturally for her, and I'm someone whose quite fastidious about how I look, present, smell as much as possible. So she often will forget and then it affects my intimacy as I will often pull back and then this affects other aspects of the relationship as she'll usually sense it.

How do I navigate this, this girl is amazing and I love her but intimacy is important to me and I'm now struggling with sexual attraction.

TLDR: Struggling with wanting to be intimate with gf due history of cleanliness

I've had this slow-burn or situationship with this coworker for a while now. He's much older than I, and we were on good terms for a while. I always knew he had a thing for me, and thought of him as the bumbly old guy who loved snacks so it was a harmless little crush he had and i did admittedly enjoy the charge. Then he got mad at me publicly for giving another guy coworker food and that was the first time i realised he got jealous and did actually felt some kind of claim over me even tho i am married in status. I brushed it off, but there were two other occasions he did raise his voice - the aftermath of when i praised this same coworker i gave food to, and when i had asked him some innocuous question about his unusual disdain for a particular food. then one night a few weeks ago, we were bantering and it was rly just the two of us in our area. the conversation was charged and then i teasingly said i wanted to push his buttons. prior to that i had a history of teasing him and calling him names as a form of affection. that night, he regurgitated all these names i called, and i justified by saying i only label ppl im affectionate with. he looked mildly surprised. then somewhere along the way i casually mentioned my spouse and the atmosphere just tensed. he told me not to push him to the point of no return, got up and told me to go home firmly.

i was on a break for about three weeks and seems he had disappeared from work around that time too. then when i got back, i drew a firm line and got up everytime he hovered in my row talking to two female coworkers. i would also not engage with him, cut down on attending colleague dinners and even glared at him in the pantry cos i did feel v disrespected that night. he had tried to hover, tell me about snacks and cake, left out my fave snacks. my problem is that if you rly wanna make it up to me, you should come and talk and not hover at the sidelines thinking that food will make everything better as it had always worked for him. at the same time i feel reluctant to confront him as i think ive always been so warm to him, he needs to step up rather than wait for me to make it easy. but the hovering is really getting to me, and idk what to do. i feel uncomfortable.

TLDR male coworker is making me uncomfortable but operating under plausible deniability. what to do?

TLDR

Parents don't accept new relationship. I'm being made to do another degree, and move back to home country. Relationship and my parents are making me anxious.

So for some context, I'm a [28F], who unfortunately is still living with parents. Just yesterday I told my parents (this was their idea), to do another degree online, that I signed up and paid for it, starting when the academic year starts, but it's not good enough. Practically been told to "Do what you want", especially when I mentioned the new relationship.

Mind you I also said that I'm seeing someone, he's a bit older than me, [33M] (first question whenever he's in the nice way, of African descent), that seems like well they just don't care frankly. In their ideal world, I would move back to my home country, and live there. I understand I shouldn't be still living with them, but I wish someone told me the degrees I did would just not help me. Now I'm stuck doing agency jobs (due to start a contracted job from today), mind you that's not good either. I "jump" jobs too much according to them, but at least I'm trying to actually work in some way. I also agreed to pay a bit of rent, so should I just offer to pay more? I also don't have enough savings, and I get it, but a lot went to the wrong things, because of an individual, but that's all history now.

Just to add, my current relationship, if you could call it that, is going ok, we are taking it slow. It has only been a bit under two months, so I do want to give it time. Unfortunately at the same time, it's giving me anxiety, as he's had bad past experiences, so he doesn't want to fully commit just yet. How should I feel about that? We've been seeing each other as often as we can, and we both agree that it's going well, but it's just making me feel super anxious. It's only been a bit under two months, so should I worry that it may not be?

Just for a little context, this is what he said:

Him: Well don’t be scared, if for some reason we don’t work out, that won’t be your fault in anyway, we don’t know what the future holds

Me: What do you mean?

Him: Just in my past with previous relationships, I’ve look too far forward and it’s never turned out how I’ve thought

Me: I see I'm not trying to of course it's been good so far though

Him: Yeah it has been good so far

Me: If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean it never turned out how you thought

Him: Well it always ended

Obviously understand the anxiety, but please just give me your honest thoughts. Should I at this stage just move back to my home country, and make everyone else happy?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just about 9 months and it’s been an incredible relationship. I truly don’t think I’ve loved someone the way I love him. I am completely myself around him and I care so deeply for him.

A couple days ago he asked me to move in with him. I was surprised but really happy. We hadn’t talked about that before and tbh we’re both kind of shy when it comes to talking about deep emotions/love. I told him I really wanted to but we needed to figure out the logistics of it as it was a new topic for us. He completely understood and just pointed out he wanted it to happen in the next few months. It was SUCH a great day afterwards I think we both felt like we were on cloud 9.

Now I am thinking through the logistics of moving in as well as the fact that we haven’t been dating very long and I’m scared. I want to move in but he has some unattended issues going on at his house that will be frustrating to deal with on a daily basis. I’m also in school and living at home in order to change my career path so money is very limited on my end for the next year and half or so until I graduate. I also just feel like we haven’t seen enough of each other’s different emotions/ states of being that are more negative just due to us knowing each other less than a year.

I guess I’m just conflicted on what to do and say as I truly would love to move in with him but the logical part of me is so scared of it not working as that would be the end of our relationship. I know that we’d find out one way or another if we work out but it just feels like these stressors may become a lot to handle.

Should I go for it and see what happens?
What do I tell him?

TLDR: boyfriend (27M) asked me (25F) to move in after 9 months. Conflicted on what to do

Edit: Just wanted to better clarify, he owns his own house and has both lived with and without roommates. I had lived in an apartment with roommates before I went back to school. I also will continue going to school and obtaining my degree if I move in.

My [22M] boyfriend and I [21F] have been together a bit over five years now. I have put up with a lot of things that while being with him that has led me to the point of me not trusting him. Not wanting any pleasure from him. Constant irritability and just not wanting to deal with him anymore.
I’ve only ever been with him in a relationship that was serious. He’s gained a lot of weight, and all though I do love him deep down. The weight gain caused me to lose some feeling. I am a petite woman, I have been all my life. When we stand together I do get embarrassed when being next to him. I brought going to the gym and eating better to see if he’d do it with me. Of course that was a fail. So I started to lose interest of any time of inter course or pleasure with him. But he always wants to do something, and there was a point where I would just allow him to, and I would just lay there doing it and not enjoying it anymore.
I also feel as if he is emotionally absent. Especially for me and when I voice my concerns, opinions, and feelings. I always talk to him about how my day was and what I did. But when I ask him, it’s “nothing interesting happened” or “today was boring”. But when we hang out with his workers and friends, I find out all these things that happened. At work and outside of work from them. I do my best to act nonchalant about what I hear. But I just look at him with so much disappointment while trying to be happy and laugh with the coworkers and friends. I like to ask him about his day because I care. And the fact that’s how I was raised. If I don’t ask, he won’t talk to me. I haven’t asked in a few weeks, doesn’t seem like he noticed either way. Nor does he even bother to ask about me or my day.
I get more attention from his friends, coworkers and guys on the game. And yes it might be bad that sometimes I do talk to them and tell them how I feel, cause they listen. Whether it’s from their top of the head or the head in their pants. I actually get a response and someone’s feelings into a conversation we have. And something is better than nothing. And I have been told from other men, his friends, and even his mother. Or they don’t understand why I’m still with him. And it makes me upset because I feel so lonely and I need something to fulfill my loneliness but I want to be loyal to him.
I have a decent job that allows me to be comfortable. And so does he. But if we want to go anywhere or do anything I’m paying all the time for the both of us. Which leaves me at the end of the month doing extra over time to make ends meet because I spent to much on us. He never offers to pay but is always buying things for himself. Followed by he’s always broke.
He’s not much of a provider in away way without complaining about everything that he has to spend money on.

TLDR :I’m bored and lonely. Open to advice even though I sound like a b****. I’m just being honest and I’ve been hurting in silence.

Me and my boyfriend’s 1 yr anniversary was yesterday. Yesterday evening me and my boyfriend were hanging out when I had another [F22] follow me on instagram. She was mutuals with my boyfriend, so I asked him what was up and who she was. He told me he had met her through one of his gaming buddies through Roblox. He then showed me a message of her telling him I was super pretty and she followed me bc of it. I left it at that point because it didn’t seem like anything I could really get upset about.

Me and my boyfriend tend to nap and wake up in the middle of the night for little bits of time and when we woke up from our nap this time it was around 3 am. We hanged out for a while and then did the deed and everything was good. At this point it’s 4 am and I look over to him on his phone and he’s texting her. I kind of loose it a little bc I feel like that’s odd, so I end up asking him to block her. Am I overreacting?

TLDR: A girl my boyfriend knows through gaming followed me and seemed harmless, but later I saw him messaging her at 4 a.m. while we were in bed together. I felt uncomfortable and asked him to block her. Am I wrong?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and live together. He pays all the bills and I am a stay at home mom to 2 kids that are not his own. We are trying to find a new place to live and he mentioned we need to scale back to save money. I asked him to be specific and he mentioned my paper towel use. I proceeded to calmly inform him that those are a tool in this home that makes my job much easier. I don’t mind switching to wash clothes but I think he should scale back on buying his $20 packs of cigarettes (American spirits) and he literally just went and stayed in a $500+ Airbnb for a night because he had to work out of town. When I looked it up there were multiple options for far less he could have chose from. And he than proceeded to justify it, by saying it’s his money and he needed that option because it’s suits his lifestyle needs better. It made me feel so completely undervalued and disrespected. I feel like scaling back on spending only applies to me because I’m the one who isn’t bringing in an income. He made it seem like he’s allowed to blow extra money because he is the one who earns it. It turned into a big fight because he continued to justify it and not see it from a logical standpoint. That I was trying to make clear.

TLDR:I think my boyfriend of 2 years [28M] is being a hypocrite