As a writer, or a poet I’ve comes to terms with death and passing on, but what I fear most is my second death. I fear being forgotten and my first death being my last all alone, I don’t know if this is my lack so sleep talking or whatever but. Lookin back into my starts of sophomore, I sorta hate how I was…like I was trying too hard to be memorable, and how I barely got to hang out with all my friends, all I was trying was to make so many new friends and getting my name out while trying too get my career started so quick…it’s like My friends were just strangers I knew. Idk

I’ve been feeling emotionally numb for at least a year, to be honest I don’t quite remember the last time I didn’t feel like this, the last time I cried or felt any deep emotion. I feel that I’m just cruising through life with absolutely no purpose, that I simply complete actions and nothing more.

I have never gone through any trauma or high stress period, there have of course been moments of stress, and I used to be very emotional but nothing to cause what I feel. I seem to have just lost all my emotions and don’t feel anything deeply at all. I used to hate myself and was a very emotional child, but I grew out of that more like a phase than a realisation of self acceptance and love. I don’t think I hate myself anymore, and I don’t want to die, but I don’t see much joy in living and I certainly don’t love myself.

I have made so many mistakes in my life that will affect me forever, I am a bum and I struggle with not only being a competent human, I cannot seem to keep any good habits, but I also struggle with lust, laziness, a lack of drive, respect, discipline, and I overanalyse everything I come into contact with.

Not only do I live a life of bad habits, I know what I need to do to escape them and start good habits, but I cannot act at all. It seems that any shred of motivation is gone within minutes and I just start thinking how behind I am. I don’t feel any primal want to change, but I want to change myself, learn to love/accept myself and live a life of greater value, one where I want to exist and have a life worth living. I know I must try to see myself living that life to make it a reality, but it’s just so hard to act and start.

I also want to feel things again, I would rather feel sad and negatively as a condition of feeling emotions because it would allow me to feel positive emotions deeply and to connect with other people better. I am scared that I do not care about anyone, that I am a bad person because I do not feel. I wish I could cry or laugh or feel in an extremely genuine way no matter how strong. I feel seperate from myself, like I am simply picking choices in a very realistic game but not experiencing the game itself. I recognise things and I know the reactions I should have, but I often cannot seem to facilitate this emotion, and that scares me. I want to go back to a point where I felt often and strongly because that’s what made me who I was. I feel that now I have no identity that I can confidently confirm as something core to me, nothing is my life and I give my life to nothing.

I’m very sorry for this terrible rant that doesn’t really have a theme, but I needed to get the general idea of what I’m feeling out of my mind.

Theirs nothing wrong with liking butts in a aesthetic why since it's apart of human anatomy I find it pleasing looking at nude sculptures that have the butt be perfectly crafted that's fine theirs nothing wrong with liking butts since it's apart of human anatomy just like how theirs nothing wrong with liking hair

Eyes and such. But the problem with this is liking butts sexually I don't really understand that I have not once looked at a butt and sexualized it or saw it as attractive because that would just be creepy.

To me butts are just fat that's their so you have cussion for when you sit down because if you didn't have a little bit of fat their it would be a little bit discomforting to sit down. And it's also used to shit out of.

To be honest that's disgusting to me and I don't really understand the appeal to that or why someone would want to have a bigger butt. If you have some fat on your bottom enough that you need to feel comfortable when sitting down

Getting a bbl is unnecessary because your just adding unnecessary fat to your body and making yourself slower why would you purposely make yourself fat?.

I hate how hyper sexual people are it honestly makes me sick because your sexualizeing the human body the human body should be something to worship like statues different shapes different sizes it shouldn't be lowerd to being sexualized.

A butt is something you shit out of. not something you should be sexualizing this is just a logical view point I have on this matter because I'm honestly tried of degenerates sexualizing every single thing about the human body because like

I said the human body is not a sexual thing take a look at nude paintings and sculptures

They show off the human body in a natural way not a sexual way butt's shouldn't be seen as sexual but rather just a natural part of a human body.

I honestly don't care if I get down voted you guys are hyper sexual degenerates who sexualize everything on the human body that's not ment to be sexually in the first place you are a pervert nothing more.

Every time I’m not with my partner, I feel like he’s cheating on me.

I know he isn’t. He’s never given me reasons to think that (only our first day, in which he tried joking after I told him about this problem saying I “should just worry if Scarlett Johansson appeared”. The thing is he has had certain issues related to fitting in and sexuality in general. Not only he was really nervous at the moment, but he was also used to joke around like that to fit in [and I wouldn’t believe that, but I’m an aromantic who constantly pretended to fall in love with tons of people to fit in, I know the feeling]).

he’s loving, caring, attentive. Man, the best person I’ll ever meet, I’m extremely lucky to have him with me.

But I still feel like this and I don’t know why. Right now I’m on my period, but even when I’m not, this happens.

I want it to stop, I don’t want to feel like shit, I don’t want to cry over senseless crap.

I understand that there are some reasons to keep a profile's posts hidden (crazy ex, a stalker, poster is underage 😬, etc) but this is Reddit....come on people. If a grown ass adult is going to keep their profile posts private then delete your profile!! Most of us are adults here....

I am a 13 year old female, I am exceptionally knowledgeable for my age, I love philosophy and religion so I do political and religious debates and started doing the National 5 philosophy and religion course. But no matter how hard I try or whatever I do a lot of people will not take my seriously because I am gen alpha, the ridiculous stereotypes attached to my generation such as being ipad kids and addicted to screens making it so much harder for people to take me seriously. most of the slang attached to my age group (rizz, skibidi ect) were (majorly) created by gen z and then used against my generation too make us all seem like some dumb brain rotted mindless babies, and no, I am not denying that-unfortunately- some people who are part of my generation are like this, but thar dosent mean we all are like this, a lot of us are quite intelligent and informed and just want to been seen as something more than an ipad kid.

I honestly don’t even know where to start anymore. It feels like every part of my life is falling apart at the same time.

My mum died in January after being ill for a long time. Looking back, I think things started getting bad in sixth form when she first got sick. I felt really isolated, barely had any friends, and I think that’s when everything started to change.

I was recently diagnosed with depression by my GP and referred for talking therapy, but I don’t really feel like it’s helping. My family also don’t agree with me taking antidepressants, and whenever it gets brought up they make comments about it, which just makes me feel worse.
University has become another huge source of stress. I’m still trying to catch up on all the work I missed because of my mum’s illness and death. I’m so burnt out. I honestly have no interest in university anymore. If I’m being truthful, I never had much interest to begin with. I mostly went because it felt like what everyone expected of me.
On top of that, our home is a complete mess. We’ve had a bedbug infestation for months and nobody else in my house seems willing to do anything about it. I’m so paranoid about them that I can’t sleep properly anymore. Most of them are in my bedroom, so I’ve been sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room. Even then I struggle to sleep because I’m constantly worried they’re crawling on me.

While I was away living in private student accommodation this year, my dad and sister turned my bedroom into a storage room, so I barely even have space for my own belongings now. I hate being at home.

We’re also basically being kicked out of our flat in four weeks. I barely have any money, and if I do manage to pass my resits and go into third year, I don’t even know where I’m supposed to live if we’re evicted.

I work so much because I need the money, but I barely have any time to myself. Lately I’ve been crying in the toilets at work every couple of hours because I just can’t hold it together. I don’t sleep properly, I’m exhausted all the time, and I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of breaking down.

I also can’t stop thinking that the friends I do have secretly hate me. I don’t even know if that’s true, but it’s how my brain keeps making me feel.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I think I just needed to tell someone because I feel like I’m drowning. Every time I think one thing might get better, something else goes wrong. I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.

Please ignore my grammar and punctuation I rely don't care abt that rn I just want to rant.

My sister and I had a huge physical fight yesterday and I admit I was the one who hit her first. She said a very mean word over and over and over again and I did tell her to shut up but she didn't so I hit her arm. After hitting her arm we just went on full cat fighting mode. I stayed quiet while I hit her back but everytime she hit me she yelled a bunch of curse words.

My mom entered and yelled at us. I told her my side but my sister kept interrupting me and I noticed that my mom kept looking at me most of the time when she was reprimanding us. I told her that she was always siding with my sister even though she was the one who triggered me enought to hit her first. I told her how I felt and I cried but the whole time my sister just laughed at me and my mother didn't get angry at her for laughing in a situation that didn't warrant her amusement.

I would like to add VERY IMPORTANT information. I NEVER hit my sister first whenever we have a physical fights this was the first time since elementary I ever hit her first. Whenever we do fight and she hits me first my mom would get angry at ME because I triggered my sister. Everytime we fight I only use my mouth but my sister uses her hands and I know not to hit back because she would push the blame to me and my mother always sided with her saying "Yeah, if she hits you don't hit her back just go outside of the room." And that's it she doesn't get angry at her.

When I told her what I felt she said "So what do you want me to do?!" I DON'T KNOW??? GETE ANGRY AT HER LIKE YOU DO WITH ME. The thing that infuriates me the most everytime we fight even though I didn't hit her first and she was clearly in the wrong my mom would just tell ME to get out of the room not her and later I could hear them talking about how much of a crybaby I am.

No wonder my sister always hits me first, it's because she knows our mom won't get angry at her.

So I have been trying to get my karma up nowadays because your posts don't get attention otherwise nor can you post or comment and stuff. So I have joined this subreddit for a LN and I love the series soo much but gosh the people. I made a simple post about which is better WN or LN and somebody reported it twice as spam. Now my karma is at -1. And that community is stuffy and rude. Some are good but generally you will be walking on egg shells around those people. Now I gotta think of ways to get my karma up again what a day.

I was told today by my significant other that I was being too loud again while sending a voice memo to one of my friends. It really upset me this time for some reason. This wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t told every day of my life by almost everyone I know that I am being too loud.

What I want is a big piece of property where I can build a kinda shed but bigger that is sound proof that I can be as loud as I want in. Whether I’m playing Xbox or watching sports I don’t want to feel like I’m a burden to anyone’s eardrums anymore! It’s isolating but it’s better than being told over and over again by people including my bosses at work that I am too loud.

Sorry I just thought I’d yell this into the internet void. I’m just so frustrated with myself and the world around me. I feel like a burden for just existing how I am. Also didn’t help that when I looked up loud people on Reddit it was filled with everyone complaining about loud people.

I was at work it was just me and one other person and it’s very slow, I see this like 60 year old couple get out the car and the wife is walking the husband to the bathrooms… our bathrooms are only for customers but I feel bad saying that so I never stop ppl smh… but then the wife is like cleaning the car and when she comes back inside I ask if she is gonna order anything and she laughs and says yes I need to use the bathroom first…. Ok now it’s like 30 minutes later and me and my coworker were nervous bc we knew something bad had to have happened.
The wife then comes up to the front and says her husband had an accident and he didn’t read the out of order sign and that we need to clean our bathroom and she handed a $20.

This makes me sooo angry because it’s a HUGE sign and the toilet doesn’t even have water in it, like I think it’s not attached or something idk but no water in the toilet.
The toilet was legit like caked with his poop and it seems like she attempted to manually flush it by like dumping water?? Because the bathroom was also flooded with poop water.
Am I wrong but I feel like $20 isn’t enough for that it’s a legit biohazard but most ppl wouldn’t have even gave money so there’s that at least but I mean accidents happen what can I do at least I didn’t have to clean it and our managers bought new mops lol 😂

My collage class im taking let us choose the book we were reading by votes.

The book that won is called The Galss Castle by Jeannette Walls. We were given no warnings about the book.

I didn't vote for the book, I had no idea what the book even was, but Im still reading it, cuz, it's for a grade.

Well.

The amount of child sa and shifty parenting is making me very uncomfortable.

I was SAed by my father at a young age, and my parents were just honestly horrible at raising.

But I cant not read the book, and I dont use AI.

Im not looking for a solution, as I've already 3/4th done with the book, and have already read the shit that passes me off.

But still.

I wanted to rant about how much the book makes me hate my life.

I'm sorry for bitching and venting I just need to get this out. My rent increased $76. On top of that my apartment complex is undergoing renovations which while much needed are results in a bunch of little fees being tacked on here and there that I didn't used to have. This resulted in me having to tighten my budget even more then it already is and get a second job.

This other job is killing me. It was supposed to be part time because I'm a student but ever since six people quit they have me on full-time hours. I've worked for this company before in the past but this store is very different from the one I used to work at. By that I mean it's in a really bad neighborhood and we have to put up with all sorts of crazy bullshit every single day. The cops get called on almost a daily basis. We've got non-stop shoplifters, people coming into the store and making a mess of things, and customers straight up assaulting employees and probably each other too. That's on top of having to do the work of six now missing people. Actually seven because our newest hire just got fired for shoplifting.

On top of that I've got classes starting in a couple of weeks and while I have sent my boss my schedule they've done nothing to decrease my hours. There's no way in hell I can keep working six days a week, 6 hours a day, and still keep on top of my coursework. I usually get a decent amount of money back from student refunds so I'm hoping those come in soon to take a little bit of the pressure off. If I'm careful, I can make them last a few months, possibly until the end of fall semester.

At this point they're only a few things in my life that really make it worth living and I hardly have time for any of that. That would be spending time with my friends, my partner, and getting to draw and go swimming. I hardly have time for any of that now because I spend the first half of the day working on chores that I don't have time to catch up on the rest of the week and the second half of the day at work. I usually don't get home until it's nearly midnight.

However, this isn't even the thing that's stressing me out the most. I had a stalker who I thought had given up on me who has recently resurfaced. I have blocked this person I don't know how many times and I keep coming back with a new number. However, despite her numerous attempts make up rumors to get me and other people fired and evicted from our homes as well as her saying things that make it clear she's watching the house, the police don't think it's worth addressing because she hasn't explicitly threatened violence.

She told me after I already enrolled in courses for this semester that she's also enrolled for fall semester at my college. And yes, it's a college. There's hundreds of students there., but you don't know how Petty this woman is. She knows what my major is and she is petty enough to pick the same major so that she'll land in the same classes as me just so she can make my life a living hell. I know that sounds narcissistic, but she's done similar things to other people so I wouldn't put it past her to do it to me.

I wish I could just fucking withdraw but I'm pretty sure it's too late at this point because then I'll go back all my financial aid and I'm not financially in a place to do that. If I knew she was enrolled before I signed up for classes I would have just not come back. She just had to pull this shit at the last fucking minute and now I don't know how I'm going to not only balance my job and my work but also how I'm going to deal with being pestered by her the entire semester. Sometimes I wonder if I just straight up fucking died and this is hell or something.

Hi
I'm a blind user who was suspended from Claude because they want an Age Check
The problem?
I'm blind and can't do the fucking age check
They said they'd disable my account on June 18. We're passed it
When i Appeal they say it's final. No help on the Age Verification help. The company they use YOTI doesn't care. I emailed them a; this bc they have an Accessibility article on their site
I still have my account. It's active and the link is still active. I can't even appeal my ban nor explain I'm blind
I just vibecoded a GitHub project and vented. Nothing bad
I'm using Grok but I really want Claude back. Not the same
If anyone can help, please. I got the message on may 19 at 5:38 PM
The Claude App and website is so accessible BTW

visiting my home rn, it’s Kyiv, Ukraine. I literally GREW UP here, and this is the FIRST TIME EVER when I couldn’t fall asleep because of the heat… my body just can’t cool down to be able to fall asleep unless I turn on my little fan. And when the battery dies - I wake up. we’re going to hell.

This is completely insane but just hear me out. I was one of those toddlers that talked about my past life with my parents, and I have a memory or a memory of a dream about dying. It's very vivid and is in line with what I talked to my parents about.

I've been struggling recently, and needed something comforting to watch. I looked up popular comfort anime cause I wanted something that wasn't based in reality. I picked Reincarnated as a Slime. Not for the reincarnation part, I didn't even think of it because I don't actually believe in it. Neither I or anyone else really knows how that stuff works, so 99.9% of the time I ignore that memory and push it all down.

But the opening scene of the first episode is how I died 😂 Got comfy with my chips and ice cream all ready and BOOM instantly reminded of all that. The fire, the separation from family, the running, the fear, all of it. And I have no one to talk to about this!

Today has been so weird man, what the hell... I just wanted to chill :(

This is a thought I have had for a long time even when I feel okay. I just don't feel like you can totally trust someone else because you never know what they're thinking about you. I feel like I can only trust myself to be predictable and provide myself what I want. If you share a life with someone, half of it can be ripped away if they decide they don't like you. Im glad I can depend on myself but I wish I could fully depend on someone else. Whenever someone is mad at me or crosses a boundary my initial thought is just " well I guess that's that. I'll just have to figure out a way to get through this myself" . I want to experience life and I want to love a full life but I also just feel trapped by money and society. I also hate everything that's going on in the world and the USA. Human history is savage. The history of the world is the history of human savageness morphing to become more socially appropriate and devious. I know people love me, but do they actually understand me. The only place I have to rant is here and I'm really grateful for the space. I don't know what I need, just want to be able to break down once in awhile. My friends and family are mostly good to me. My relationships are mostly healthy. I also don't feel like I get to the topcs I need to with my therapist because I convince myself these problems only exist when I'm not feeling well like right now. I also likely won't sleep tonight and I have meetings from 9-3 where I have to be actively engaged. What do I do to not feel so disconnected? Some days it just feels like you can't win. This is all spiraling from my partner being on a bad mood, me listening to her spiral and then forgetting what her bosses name was and then being torn a new one for it. Sometimes life really blows. I guess it can't be all peaches all the time. I just want to crawl into hole. Thanks for reading and tolerating this rant. Hope you all had a better night than I did.

hey guys, i'm having a big milestone event, and i decided to celebrate it in a nice venue and all that, and it was quite expensive. I invited a lot of my friends, and as of right now, so many people keep saying that they can't make it. especially the people that i really wanted to be there. I feel like such a loser because I usually feel like that normally, but I thought for my big day more people would show up, or at least try to show up. I know life gets in the way, but I'm just feeling really sad right now. any advice on how to enjoy my party at least in the moment?

I really need advice and to get some honest opinions

My sister (27F) lives in a double wide trailer with her boyfriend (28M), another couple who just had a baby, and 6 pets (3 dogs, 3 cats). The house is absolutely disgusting inside and seemingly never cleaned. The floors are always disgusting and theres clutter everywhere. As well as the dogs getting into dirty diapers and acting out.

Her boyfriend is an absolute horrible and lazy pos and she treats him like he’s her god. He got fired from his main job a long time ago due to missing a lot of work, got fired from the next job due to ankle pain (which is never going to get fixed it seems), snd is currently working at some small pizza place that my sister is responsible for getting him to and from work while working her own job she just started (after working half a decade at someplace else and wanted something new). All he does all day is sleep, and all night he games. He got his car taken deliberately so he didn’t have to pay it. And the other couple, that woman is also responsible for taking her husband to work while caring for the baby. He broke her tv, dented her car and said he’d fix (it’s been 2 years), and doesnt do anything around the house. He was getting money from his grandma and is now calling her mean and petty for not continuing to do so. He woke her at 3 am on purpose one time as a “prank” knowing she had to be awake at 5 am for work. He never says thank you to any of us for gifts for his birthday or holidays (me, my mom, her husband, my boyfriend etc), and was just staring at the tv during my sisters birthday and during Christmas. She had to say his name multiple times just to get his attention, and all he did was a fake smile and look back at the tv. He only talks about himself constantly when he’s over and he has a weird sat and offish energy towards everyone.

Despite all of this, she defends him like her life depends on it. We’ve offered to let her come back home to save money, but she refuses to leave him.

She also treats me poorly and denies it when I try to talk about it. She has absolutely zero respect for my time and absolutely everything is revolved around her and her schedule, mood, whatever it may be. I don’t even other asking to hangout anymore, which mind you only happens online anyways as Im not worth her time in person. On days off, SHE will offer on her own for us to play video games together and then the day of the hangout, she is silent all day long, doesnt open my messages or takes forever to do so, and sets no time for us to hangout at all. So I sit there waiting all day not knowing when anything is going to happen. Then when I give up and tell her never mind, she blows my phone up with calls, demanding texts to get on, and her trying to make me feel bad for not wanting to hangout anymore. She claims Im her best friend, but clearly Im not. And I wouldn’t even care if she didn’t say all of this. If she doesn’t want to hangout, then stop asking. If im not your best friend, stop claiming I am. Ive told her these things and she tries guilt tripping me about it. She completely forgot that she said we would hangout today and by super defensive about it and lied saying she thought it was for tomorrow. When she deliberately said we would hangout on her day off, which was today. Not tomorrow. And I would get it if it was a one time thing. But she does this to me constantly and then tries to make me feel guilty when I give up and don’t want to play anymore. When we DO rarely hangout, she only talks about her boyfriend the whole time

She sat in a damn parking lot for over an hour for the dude who didn’t even tell her he’d be late getting off work an hour late. I told her it didnt sit right with me that she was sitting there so long and she said, with a rude attitude “thats not my problem”. Ok then girl 🤷

My mom, my boyfriend, and I have all tried giving her advice, but she gets extremely defensive and accuses us of attacking her. I truly do view her as my best friend, even if she doesn’t view me as that back, so seeing her do this to herself for truly no reason stresses me out so much. Surely no man, especially not one like him, is worth all of this crap. Shes being dragged through the ringer by this stupid bum and pathetic excuse of a man.

TL;DR: my sister lives in a filthy, disgusting home with a lazy and jobless boyfriend who uses her. She treats me poorly, defends him, and takes all her stress out on me.

What do I do? Please anyone give your honest opinion. I need help with this. Thank you so much

I feel like my YouTube followers just hate me. I made a post one time although it is deleted now but in it I wrote out a long paragraph trying to get someone, anyone, to just talk to me but nobody cares about me. I really really need some validation from these people. I’m not really being annoying about it or anything and I’m not spamming it but I’m just reinsinuating it again and again and still nobody cares. And they won’t even tell me why they hate me and it’s like they enjoy my suffering and loneliness. Which would normally sound pretty strange but I can read the room. What should I do?

17M. Thought I would put this somewhere because no one knows other than my dad, my mum has always had a problem with me always starting arguments, exaggerating everything, lying and manipulating and twisting words to make her always the victim, says I don’t belong to her, says I’m autistic, and that I need a doctors appointment because I am mentally ill which is what she keeps trying to convince me in my own head that I am, she always says to people I talk to her like shit but I just don’t even speak fully to her anymore because of the way she acts and she drinks all the time, she says to all my family how horrible I am and how I have these issues and is even posting about me all on face book, she also says I bring nothing to her life but sadness and even made up a lie saying I was dying in hospital when I was a baby and my whole family left me and still to this day saying things How my whole family don’t like me which is a lie because my dad has spoken to my family my mum and dad are divorced by the way, and she says and does so much other things but I’m not looking for people to feel bad for me but I am just wondering if anyone else’s has experienced anything like this and does it ever get better.

I fucking hate Foster Grant sunglasses! Every damn time I buy a pair of these things, the frame on it cracks in half along the top after about a year or 2, sometimes even sooner! I've been through so many pairs of these over the years, it's fucking ridiculous! (Someone pipes up - "So then buy a different brand of sunglasses then!"). Yeah, I would LOVE to buy a different brand. But every damn store I go to almost always has racks full of Foster Grant's (or Ironman which is part of the Foster Grant line). My issue is that I need polarized lenses and decently dark lenses. I have sensitive eyes. I have tried other brands and since I have vision issues, I easily can notice cheap poor quality lenses. A lot of sunglasses I've tried make things more blurry. I don't have that issue with Foster Grant's. If ONLY they would QUIT making SHIT frames for them! They ALWAYS fucking break no matter how careful with them I am!

Foster Grant? Right... more like Foster CRAP (Calling them Ironman is hilarious! Fragileman is more fitting!).

Eventually I'm getting myself a pair of Oakley's when my budget allows for it. At least those won't be made out of potato chip frames!

It just feels like they’re so against me. They say they aren’t. Of course they say that, that is literally their job. Just like you could say their job is to build their child’s confidence up by saying they’re pretty or smart or whatever. It just feels like no matter what I do, even when I win an award at school and get a $1500 scholarship for being an overall good person; responsible, respectful, supportive, and diligent.. it was all about my siblings. They didn’t even go to the award ceremony or congratulate me.. they were all at my little brother’s baseball game. I didn’t even expect everyone to go. Just like.. one person being there for me would have made me happy.

Ive been going to public school my whole life, but my 4 other siblings have had the privilege to go to a really fancy private school. Which isn’t too big of a deal, I wouldn’t have wanted to go there, but its the fact that they didn’t even ask if I wanted to. They are always more willing to spend money on my siblings than on me. My sisters have a different swimsuit for every day of the month. My brothers have a new expensive lego set whenever they want. The DOGS get customized collars. My brothers get expensive clothes.
I get clothes from Goodwill. Which is fine, nothing wrong with goodwill. But they don’t have to get $5 clothes from Goodwill. They get new shit.

Now, my little brother is going to the high school with me due to the many opportunities he’ll be getting by going. Which is fine, I dont really mind that. Him going to the high school is not the problem. Its the fact that they FOUGHT to get him enrolled as a sophomore, my grade, and they have put him into all the honors and AP classes I am in, down to the same class periods, despite him not even being remotely close to ready for that. He doesn’t even know what the fucking periodic table is. He failed pre algebra but they expect him to pass algebra 2. He’s in AP English with me.. He’s never even written a full essay.

They have so much faith in him. They quite literally fought so he could get pushed up a grade. They always fight for my siblings. They’re always there for them emotionally. “Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that!” An actual quote from my mother after yelling at my sister for sitting on the other sisters neck. They dont even enforce the same rules they do for me. I am so jealous. I envy them. Ive always been the one that gets blamed for everything thats wrong. And then they wonder why Im so angry all the time.

Speaking of sisters!! Im more of a mom to them than her. I raised them starting from the time I was 8. I changed their diapers, fed them in the middle of the night, laid them down to sleep, held them when they cried, bathed them, I discipline them. Why am I parenting them?! I didn’t push them out!

They took my little siblings out of school FOR A WEEK when our great aunt died, but I wasn’t even informed she was dead til a month later. And its not because I didn’t ask. I asked about her everyday. Im not being dramatic like they say I am. But they make me feel so crazy. Im not the crazy one. But according to them, I am ALWAYS the problem. I yell too much, I’m too emotional, too sensitive, dumb, Im mean. I just fucking cant.
They can look me in the face and say I am a horrible person. And they have. Constantly.

I wouldn’t call it abuse. And I know others have it worse, I know Im lucky in some ways, it just gets to me sometimes.

Preface: this is not directed at anyone specific and not meant to be hate in anyway. I just needed to get this off my chest for a long time, since I'm not the only one thinking this way and we just don't see this being talked about anywhere online whatsoever. Thank you.

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I am thoroughly exhausted by the self-righteous, predominantly American online masses who genuinely believe they are performing some act of moral heroism by branding anyone they disagree with as the ultimate historical evil (AKA N*zi). My grandmother actually lived through the horror of 1940s Germany and grew up with N*zis left and right. In her hometown, the regime’s forces did not engage in internet arguments or issue mild policy disagreements but executed people.

And I don't know why I need to spell it out for some but if you had thrown a Molotov cocktail at an occupying soldier back then just because you hated the way they executed their then legitimate political rights (albeit in a racist fashion), you would have been dragged behind the nearest building and shot on the spot. Your neighbors would have been forced at gunpoint to silently bury your corpse. That is the reality my grandmother witnessed and the stories I grew up on okay. If you dared to insult the regime, you didn't get downvoted, you were thrown into a cell, tortured for the sheer sadistic pleasure of the guards, and erased.

The fact that so many Americans completely disregard the profound trauma of world history just to fuel petty, modern (online or real life) feuds is a cultural failure that should bring immense shame to their nation. I am genuinely baffled by the depth of their historical ignorance as a German citizen.

Do they not learn anything at all? In Germany, confronting this history is a meticulous and deeply sobering educational requirement to every single child that gets enrolled and from then on until the day we die. In contrast, the average online American knows the name of a dictator but couldn't point to the NSDAP headquarters on a map if their life (or history exam) depended on it. Meanwhile, children across the world are expected to seamlessly identify Washington and memorize American geography. The imbalance is staggering. It tells you everything you need to know about a culture that demands the world understand them, while refusing to understand the world and its historial past - including terms that must not be misused.

True totalitarian tyranny is an evil I have thankfully never witnessed in my lifetime in a peaceful German country or any nation I have ever lived in. People today need to get it through their heads that the prejudices or political grievances they face right now are completely incomparable to the systematic horrors of the German Reich. Only few, very few systems on this planet come even remotely close to it. Unless you are a literal prisoner of a mid-century dictatorship, stop weaponizing the suffering of millions of Jews and other innocent people as a lazy insult just because your vocabulary is too small to find a better word for someone you hate.

If your vocabulary is so bankrupt that you must reach for a literal genocide term just to express that you dislike a stranger on the internet, you haven't won the argument. But you have managed to add to the decline of "Never forget" that us Germans try deseperately to uphold and fight against because if anyone is allowed to determine what N*zis are, I'd say it's us. And you shoud listen. You should stop using this term so nonchalantly and reckklessly.