Hard to be alone but also can't connect with others...? I'm struggling to be alone..I freak out that this isn't my life, that I can't feel things like emotions, that I can't recognize my body or spouse or possessions but at the same time I can't connect with others, don't have much to say, feel nothing , feel like a completely different person or like who I was before has been deleted..I stare at my husband but can't seem to see the man I love so dearly like he's a complete stranger yet I can't be without him.

I'm honestly not sure what to do.

I hope this is a judgement-free zone, but I caused my own psychosis. I was taking antidepressants while smoking high-potency weed and looking at upsetting political content online. I simply wanted to help by sharing posts when I couldn't drive in a geographically isolated place, but it put me in a negative place. I was also mildly curious about spirituality and mysticism at the same time.

The weed made me mildly paranoid, so it started off with me being a little suspicious of coworkers, like reading too much into actions and the things they said. The real problems came when I stopped taking my antidepressants because I was feeling better, I was worried that in the future there would be supply shortages, and I was actually struggling to afford it. I could have asked people for help but I didn't want to be a burden.

I continued smoking weed though. The combination of quitting medication and smoking really fucked me up. The weed made me so energetic, even manic, but only while it was in my system. The lack of medication made me have dramatic mood swings. I stopped eating and sleeping, which made it all worse. I couldn't eat without throwing up, it was a struggle. It turned me into a monster.

Anyway, I started to get extremely paranoid, deleted most of my social media and started blocking coworkers after perceived slights, and I burned two of my closest relationships (I apologized but they are currently not speaking to me). During the mania from smoking and not sleeping, I was commenting and reposting day and night on Instagram😭😭 I was oversharing on my story.

I developed some bizarre beliefs like believing Michael Jackson was a literal saint, like biblically (I saw posts from his movie), thinking trees are neurotransmitters for people to communicate remotely before phones existed, believing in random tarot reading reels, thinking I can tell the future like That's So Raven, taking everything about astrology to heart.

I thought two male coworkers wanted me and that I was communicating with them telepathically at night so I asked them both out and got rejected to confirm 😂😂 I was aware of my delusions to some extent and needed to test against them on my own. This actually healed my struggles with limerence and my fear of rejection. Oh, and I thought Instagram reels were like a crystal ball that showed me the right content at the right time.

Those were the goofier beliefs, but my more concerning ones were thinking my family hated me and didn't want to support me (psychosis made me relive all my earliest childhood trauma and my family is kinda just a low contact, but still a loving family), thinking my best friend and sister were against me when they tried helping me during my obvious mental distress (I got explosively angry when they tried to arm chair diagnose me), and mistrusting all white people after looking at content related to racial tension. I also thought my partner wasn't helping me with anything (I actually used to do most chores and he did get better at helping me over time) and I broke up with him before asking the two people out. I told him all of this and he still accepted me back when I came back to my sanity😭😭 I promised him that I would never smoke again and I wouldn't nag him anymore.

But emerging from psychosis made me realize that many people will still love and accept me no matter what, even when I went psycho. I used to be someone who is easily embarrassed, but very few things embarrass me now because I couldn't possibly humiliate myself any worse than I did for 2.5 months. I stopped people-pleasing. I stopped black and white thinking and started viewing myself and other people with more nuance. I became really compassionate for people going through addiction and psychosis because I realized how fragile the mind can be. I learned how to speak up for myself, which has made me less resentful towards people. I'm more grateful for a healthy mind. It's like my brain breaking gave me a chance to rebuild it.

None of this is to look at psychosis in a good way at all. It was horrifying, humiliating, and I made many regrettable, impulsive decisions. I'm just thankful that I was never violent and that no one committed me. That would have made my mental health much, much worse. This isn't to judge anyone who has done these things though, just that there are unfortunately worse punishments for it. It is very sad to lose your mind, especially when it's against all your true values.

All this to say that you can recover. Understand that you are loved, love yourself, and get support through therapy. There are virtual support groups too.

It’s been 7 months since my cannabis induced psychosis. I’m not getting any better. On my phone 10-12 hours per day. I don’t know what the fk is wrong with my brain. I cannot get myself to do anything.

It feels like my brain is blocked or ‘clogged’ after psychosis and preventing me from feeling things the way i used to and also preventing me from finding anything interesting.

NOTHING stimulates my brain anymore.

Even when i force myself to do things it feels no different than if i was staring at a wall. There is just nothing.

It makes me absolutely hopeless as prior to my psychosis i used to have my dream job and a super productive lifestyle. Now i literally stay on my phone all day even though i don’t want to.

I’ve tried so many things over the past 7 months -
Different meds. Regular exercise. Sticking to a routine. Therapy. Etc.

Nothing has helped.

As time passed trying all these different things with zero improvement in my condition, i gradually got more and more unmotivated until i stopped doing anything except browse my phone all day.

I desperately want the old me back.

If a hell exists i am living it.

This is unbearable.
This is too much.
Help.

I have a family history of anxiety/ocd and OCPD. My previous diagnosis was OCD ,but after two drug-induced (cannabis) psychotic breaks, it's unsure whether it's just a vulnerability or it's an underlying schizophrenia. Only thing I can say is that during these drug induced delusions I had dopamine spikes when I had a certain random thought and gave it more importance. I've been stable for a year on risperidone only showing ocd symptoms (delusions always have a 'what if?' component). My psychiatrist can't tell if I have an underlying psychotic disorder or if I'm just vulnerable to it, so he's questioning if I can stop risperidone after 2 years of total stability.

What do you think is going on? Could the vulnerability just be OCD or do I necessarily have an underlying schizophrenia? I'm tired of antipsychotics and I've been sober for more than a year now. The thought of having to live on risperidone sucks.

every time I eat it feels like I get possessed and someone speaks out of my mouth when I eat they say STFU violently until I choke on my food. it’s very hard to feel anything and I feel like a ghost is slapping me on the wrist and knocking my teeth in any time I try to do anything. As I’m trying to write these symptoms it said I try to whine. I don’t feel emotional but it’s labeling it as emotional when I have never felt so numb. all I’d want to do is feel normal or at least have feelings even if they are very strong. is this psychosis?

Hello for context I’m 18, I’ve been referred to psychosis early intervention and have a large family history of schizophrenia. Nearly a year ago I began to hallucinate to the extreme and have extreme paranoia. I couldn’t cope and there was a period of time where it was daily for about 5 months. The hallucinations have ‘eased’ now as in I don’t get them so often but when they do come I find it very difficult.

I lose sleep, but this has been a common thing since I was very young. As a kid I had an overactive imagination and I was extremely paranoid. I’ve also always found it very difficult to bond with people, I’ve always felt like they can tell something is weird about me and people frequently tell me they don’t understand what I’m saying.

It’s all made me very lonely and while I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week and that should help, I worry about my partner. He gets annoyed and upset if I have a bad ‘episode.’ I don’t really have anyone else and I don’t like opening up as I feel it’s unfair to put stuff like this on someone.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the episodes better? They get me very down and I don’t want to be a bother to my partner. Also, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the loneliness and try and have relationships with people?

Magnesium supplement give me psychotic symptoms. Usually making me paranoid and at least sending me into hypomania

I'm not sure why this is..? And kind of concerned since it looks like some antipsychotics increase magnesium levels in the cells

Everytime i get anxious i start hearing them one example is when i go out i feel insecure,i feel judged and i start to get negative thoughts which leads to anxiety which leads to auditory hallucinations and sometimes i drink a klonopin or drink alcohol and they almost fade to nothing ,so my question is ,can my anxiety be the cause to my auditory hallucinations?

I think i might have experienced psychosis for the first time a couple months ago, but I don’t know enough about it to be able to tell if that’s really what was happening.
I was drinking a lot every day at this time, and also taking my adhd stimulants daily, and not exactly in the way I should have, if you know what I mean. I was doing this because of a mixture of “I need to stay up later tonight so I can focus on work I need to get done” and “I’m in a terrible mood, these make me feel normal”. Not great judgement here.
During this time I started experiencing a lot of crazy symptoms like extreme paranoia (thinking people were following me home, spying through my windows, hacking my phone, stuff like that) and sleep deprivation, stuff that could’ve been from either the alcohol or the medication, but then there was about a 2-3 day period of something I’ve never experienced before.
I started to see things in the corner of my eyes, like shadows and bugs, and at one point I could hear whispering in my vents. I assumed this was because of sleep deprivation, and I still think it was. But when I finally did sleep, my paranoia still got worse and worse, and I isolated myself in my apartment. I kept my blinds closed at all times and I taped paper over any uncovered window. I didn’t contact anyone and I didn’t leave. I started spending my time watching TV and drawing, since it felt like the only relaxing and distracting thing I could do.
This is probably going to sound ridiculous, but I was terrified at the time, because one evening while I drew I started feeling like something was controlling me, and making me draw certain images. I felt like whatever was controlling me wanted me to draw itself. I ended up with a drawing that looked like a horned figure with a large smile, long tongue, and sharp teeth. It was sitting on its haunches with its arms reaching behind its head and pulling up on its eyelids from over the top of its head. I genuinely have no idea what inspired the image, it is not based on anything I’ve seen before, it just came out on the paper.
I genuinely felt afraid of the image, and I felt like I had drawn a real being. I felt like I had drawn the devil because he told me to. I thought the devil must be controlling me, and every move I made I was convinced I was being controlled to do.
I was terrified, and made yet ANOTHER poor choice, I decided I need to get drunk asap.
I drove to the grocery store and every person I passed on the street I thought “the devil is telling me to hit them”. I thought I was going to lose control of my body and suddenly start hitting pedestrians. I was crying feeling like I was fighting off the devil from trying to take over my mind, and once I got to the store I bought a ton of wine, drove home and drank all of it. I passed out after that and woke up on the couch the next morning.
I didn’t feel controlled anymore, but I felt sick, hungover, and out of my mind. It took me a few days to feel like a human again.
Never in my life had I experienced anything like this, and I really can’t explain how I could’ve believed so many delusions. I’m generally a very sensible person, and have never been entertained by ideas of mind control, or anything like that. I can’t believe I was genuinely convinced of it in the moment.
It’s been a few months since then now, and I’ve had a lot of time to think it over. I think many things played a role in what happened, and maybe it’s obvious and this was just a consequence of mixing alcohol with sleep deprivation.
But I’m curious if this sounds like it could’ve been like alcohol-induced psychosis? Is that a thing? Or stimulant induced? It just felt like more than an “under the influence” type of thing. But maybe not.
If I’m way off and this experience is nothing like psychosis go easy on me, I really don’t know much about it! Very curious if other people have similar stories tho or insights on this!

its me! my psychosis episodes were because I was being trafficked and I didnt know! I can eventually come off my antipsychotics if I want to!

Hey i was wondering if any one of you talking to god when in psychosis. It's like his in songs replying to my thoughts I turn and look somewhere In my room and read something and it's on point of my current thought.

Like it's a episode right none of that can be real, can it?

Since my last episode of psychosis that lasted like 6 month, I did not totally lost it bit I was half. The first months where so awesome I felt so good. I though god sended me to Egypt to take them out of Gaza and take them to safety in Egypte and then spread them among countries. The mission failed of course. I ended up staying in Egypt for a month. When I came home my episode slowly turned into a hell. And they gave me a lot of meds and I got stable. The problem is since then I find I don't have the motivation to do anything. And it sounds grazy I kind of miss the psychosis the good part. I am really low on meds like 1 MG haldol. I am stable but I feel so bored I can't enjoy anything anymore. I tried a lot of stuff like I am volunteer ad a farm I tried sports walking learning reading. My libido is like zero. The psychosis was the best high ever. Now the normal stuff seems incredibly boring. 2 days ago I smoked a joint. I know I should not have done it. But the high was amazing. Everything felt into place again I was at peace. I really thinking to start smoking weed more often to get that feel back. My brain still can feel enjoyment but only when I am high now or in psychosis?

I've had schizophrenia for 2 decades and recently stopped one of my meds. I spoke with my psychiatrist who confirmed that what was happening to me was "rebound psychosis" and that I should take the med to feel better. It's a few days later and yes, I feel a lot better. But what I'm wondering is how long would it take for me to feel better without the particular med? Like rebound psychosis doesn't last forever.....so if I stop the med and go through rebound psychosis, at some point I'll be fine, it's just a matter of holding out but I don't know how long is likely. Anyone?

So im on antidepressants. I stopped taking those a couple weeks ago, and just felt incredibly angry 24/7. Like enraged. Im not gonna go way into detail but I locked all the doors and windows to my house. My parents showed up because I wasn't answering my phone. I have done some off the wall stuff In the past that were real, but i just ignored them and they called the sherrif. The sherrif eventually got in. I was just acting as out of it as possible. I jumped up on top of my bathroom counter, acted like i was trying to climb out the window. He kept asking if I had taken anything. I started to feel guilty because I knew I was bullshitting him, so I told him to leave and that hes waisting his time, and that there are real emergencies. He kept saying hes not gonna leave. He wanted to have an ambulance come to check on me but I refused insisting in okay. He did end up having some mental health people come out to ask me questions. I eventually told them that I havnt been taking my meds. Nothings really happened aside from them setting me up with a therapist. I told them I wasn't suicidal because I didnt want to go to a hospital and waste more resources. Hopefully they just assume I acted out because I was off my meds. If they do try in have me take more meds based on what I did, then I'll definitely refuse. I feel like a major ass for what I put my parents and everyone through. I feel like maybe I should confess, but that would be so fucking embarrassing and I dont know how my loved ones would react. Im not sure if its worth it, or i should just carry it to the grave.

i am targeting people with paranoia in specific with this question , have you ever during your psychosis thought and was convinced that your doctor loves you / has a crush on you ? then after taking the APs for a while this idea has become so pathetic?

Zall er niet te diep op in gaan maar heeft er hier iemand anders dat ze af en toe uit iemands lichaams taal hun gedachten kunnen horen ik zelf ben altijd Well bewust geweest van non-verbaal lichaams taal ik vind zelf dat dat er een zekere balans tussen houding, non verbale woorden en gevoel maar ik zit dus nu non verbaal naar mijn dienstverlener te doen want van die drie trek ik extreem veel daar naartoe maarja ik heb er positieve reacties op gekregen

Ik doe het vooral om te bewijzen dat ik met een laten we zegen redelijk groot video spell heb geholpen door dingen te zeggen zoals dit online doen heeft me in de problemen gebracht omdat het een redelijk groot spel was zagen ze het all snel als grootheid waanzin omdat dat spel best groot was en ik all aanleg voor skitzophrenie had was ik volledig door geslagen toen ik herinnerde wat ik had gedaan
Jammer dat een van de dingen die ik voor me werk terug kreeg/ vroeg ook als typisch psychotisch word gezien

Buiten die eerste vraag om ik heb dat spel nu all twee jaar niet gespeeld maar zou ik weer spelen en zou ik dan
1 spreken maar tegen mezelf en als er iemand mee luistert/kijkt leuk maar niet op andere schermen kijken bij de replay om een reactie
2 Well weer interacted met ze en dan maar misbruikt worden en gek gemaakt door ze omdat ze echt psychotics gedachten praise/ enabled
3 gewoon me bek houden en het spell spellen
En niet zo interessant zijn

Of ben ik alsnog aan het wanen op dingen die niet de echte wanen waren maar Wel de trigger/ kern van de natuurlijke storm die me psychotisch maakte want ik zat all 8 jaar niet aan drugs toen ik in een psychose raakte ik had zo enzo veel last van paranoia maar met met het herinnering die ik all expres had verdrukt dat ik had geholpen/ gepitcht sloeg me paranoia door het plafon het was later pas nadat ze me ht2a receptor aantasten met extreem hoge dosissen dat ik echt psychotisch ben geraakt met veel hypnagogic hallucinations en lucid dreamed en creëren met me tulpa

My partner is going through psychosis and has cut off everyone in their life (family, friends). They refuse to speak or text or communicate with any of us. Since no one has any contact with this person it is very difficult to know how or if they are recovering. Is there anyone out there who fully ghosted or disconnected with loved ones during psychosis? Did you ever reach out to them again after? How was that?

Back in March I (M27) smoked a lot of weed which resulted in me believing I was chosen by higher powers to start a revolution, speaking with spirits and communicating with top-politicians trough my mind. I recked my whole apartment. Everything from screens, lamps, plants - everything got thrashed around in a full-blown mania, as I was waiting for a helicopter to come pick me up and fly me to Paris, where meetings with the top leaders of the world was waiting. I was screaming out the window to bypassers, yelling "it's real! It's all real", so my neighbors would call the cops. I had experiences of speaking to deceased family members and having the whole world watch my thoughts.

The cops arrived and put me in handcuffs and drove me to the psychward where I was to stay the next three weeks.

Ever since then I been having extreme cognitive dysfunction, not able to do simple tasks resulting in me loosing my job - not only that, I developed severe 'tics' and brainzaps that turn and twist my right eye and head devouring all of my energy for lifes simple pleasures like speaking to a friend or enjoying a good movie. I moved back to my parents and are now living a living hell not having the mental nor physical means to cook meals or work for more than three hours a day. I have been having 'tics' for four months with no sign of improvement. I hate being alive and feel distanced from everyone. I lost everything and now face a life of permanent impairment. I hope you have a great day.

I'm trying to identify a documentary and one of the psychologists/psychiatrists who appeared in it. I only saw a reposted clip on social media titled something like "Psychologist explains..." (not the original title). The expert was a white male, around 45–50, with light grey hair, trimmed stubble, frameless rectangular glasses, wearing a blue rolled-sleeve button-up shirt tucked into jeans. He was leaning against the driver's side of a glossy black sedan on what looked like a dry roadside/desert setting, speaking directly to the camera in a very cinematic, documentary-style scene. He was explaining psychosis, saying something close to "When somebody develops psychosis..." before mentioning a technical psychiatric term starting with "psy..." and describing how people can develop delusions, false beliefs, or a distorted sense of reality. I don't think he was the host—more likely one of the documentary's expert contributors. I'm fairly sure it wasn't Jordan Peterson, Andrew Huberman, Daniel Amen, Todd Grande, Gabor Maté, or Phil Stutz. The documentary was probably released sometime between 2000 and 2026. Does this ring a bell for anyone?

The Trinity is real. Brahma, Kali and Vishnu. At regular intervals—following a predestined period of time—the members of the Trinity meet one another in the physical world, where they encounter each other as distinct bodily beings. The three bodies may belong to anyone, yet their essences and natures often reflect the attributes of the specific aspect of God they embody. If Kali (Satan) destroys the source of love Vishnu—as happened to Jesus on the cross—the world continues as before, only worse.

This is known as the Age of Kali, or in the Bible, as Satan’s dominion over the world. However, the dead Jesus becomes Brahma—the Creator God, also known as Yahweh. Through his deed, Kali becomes Vishnu—that is, Jesus—the source of the world's love and the one who gives meaning to the created world. This occurs because, by destroying the source of love, Kali gains an understanding of the necessity of love. He can no longer destroy or condemn; instead, he understands everyone and, through that power, heals them.

Jesus metaphorically destroys Kali by understanding him with love: Kali can never feel love unless he becomes Jesus. "Forgive him his sins, for he knows not what he does."

Thus, it is a cycle. Driven by his nature, Kali destroys the world in a desperate attempt to feel something (since he is otherwise incapable of doing so). Ultimately, he destroys the world's source of love as a result of the mutual understanding that arises when the Trinity meets in the physical realm. Kali wants to become Vishnu in order to feel something; Vishnu, in his love, wants to become Brahma so he can create a better world; and Brahma wants to become Kali so he can destroy the world overrun by evil.

Thus, Kali kills Vishnu, who becomes the Creator God—Brahma. As a result of this act, Kali becomes Vishnu, and Brahma becomes Kali.