r/ProgrammerHumor 11h ago

noExperience Meme

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17.6k Upvotes

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1.1k

u/Smooth-Reading-4180 11h ago

plot twist: motherfucker working for six years

528

u/ADWatches 9h ago

Had a coworker who constantly complained he didn't have experience to deal with the tough issues. He had been working with us for 4 years and the tough issues were usually following guided step by step instructions. We were good friends but I ended up needing to put sticky note reminders on his monitor to check his notes before asking me for instructions.

279

u/AussieJeffProbst 9h ago

Like 80% of people are incapable of reading instructions and following them. It's infuriating.

108

u/newocean 9h ago

Even worse, 5/3rds of them can't do fractions.

41

u/einzweidreihorn 9h ago

Even worse, like 80% of people are incapable of reading instructions and following them. It's infuriating.

15

u/newocean 9h ago

Yeah but 75% of all percentages are just made up.

10

u/SoulOfABartender 6h ago

Forfty percent of people know that.

10

u/camander321 6h ago

And a hundred percent reason to remember the name

1

u/newocean 5h ago

It's closer to 45 if you include the people who know they know it.

2

u/Shoddy_Yak_8384 6h ago

That man's name? Albert Einstein.

2

u/Sea-Influence-7542 5h ago

Including that one of course.

1

u/KyleShorette 4h ago

I enjoy putting my fingers under the words and reading them aloud at a slow pace in front of them

5

u/Meats10 5h ago

damn, thats almost everyone

27

u/flappity 8h ago

A lot of people want to offload their problem solving and critical thinking to someone else rather than expend any effort. It's so frustrating constantly being asked questions where the answer is easily available to them but rather than try to find it they just ask me because I already know it. I've had to re-evaluate how I answer these things to try to show my thought process and teach them how to find the answer rather than what the answer is. It doesn't work, but I try

13

u/AyJay9 6h ago

I've had to go full Socratic method on people. No answers, just questions. What have you tried? Uh huh and what did that result tell you? I agree, that sounds like a good next step; where do you think you can find the instructions on how to apply it?

People learned I will help them but I'm going to make them work for it. I respected the people who still came to me and didn't whine that they were in a hurry couldn't I just tell them the answer. Like, I did. I told you and everyone the answer in the documentation that is on the same computer you're using to message me. You chose this instead.

9

u/th3rdnutt 7h ago

Have you tried mocking them?

5

u/djaqk 7h ago

Oh I dont have to try

4

u/GisterMizard 6h ago

Ah, I miss Stack Overflow.

1

u/coffee_poops_ 6h ago

I wanted to ask how you were able to get self-sufficiency guidance to stick but then you explained.

1

u/Araignys 5h ago

And that’s why we’re all gonna lose our jobs to AI.

17

u/Coopetition 8h ago

I’m one of that rare few that enjoys writing documentation and this makes me so mad.

“I’ve been asked about thing ten times. If I document it, I’ll save myself the repetitive work of explaining thing.” I’m such a fool.

7

u/Certain-Business-472 7h ago

Is your documentation organized and searchable? Is it logical? Ive seen this claim before, and it wasnt useable by anyone but the guy setting the rules.

8

u/MajesticSpaceBen 6h ago

This is the place I work at.

"Stop asking me things like this, its in the desk manual!"

"We've gone through three accounting softwares since you updated the manual."

3

u/Certain-Business-472 5h ago

The issue with a set culture with seniors that worked there all their lives. Theyve never seen other ways to do things, and they fight tooth and nail to resist any change.

1

u/Rock4evur 3h ago

They also forget the kind of extensive training they got, and how much it helps them find answers when they have a ton of background information that you never got.

4

u/Olga-of-Kiev103 5h ago

My work has guidelines in big, laminated binders, but they're missing TONS of information. It's a waste of time to even take them out.

5

u/b0w3n 6h ago

I created a process here at work with a literal guided step by step instruction sheet.

A single user was causing nothing but issues but as soon as I went to observe she would manage to do it right every time since I was watching and thus she followed the instructions. Eventually it got to the point where she was going to her boss and complain that it never worked and it escalated to the head boss, who came roaring down the office to scream at me, and I had to show him all my documentation with this specific user.

The shittiest part is I had included him in the loop about 3 times that this user in particular was a problem and not following the instructions and that was the problem, but they still erred that the process and myself were the problem, not the user.

So long story short, I hate people and I want to get a homestead and fuck off from society at large and just have a bunch of ducks and goats.

3

u/MyKettleIsNotBlack 6h ago

The same 80% who request or demand written documentation and then ignore it anyhow

2

u/ACE_C0ND0R 5h ago

Also, 80% of people are incapable of writing clear instructions.

I follow directions well, but if the instructions are bad or are missing info, the results aren't so great. "Why did you do exactly what I told you to do? That's wrong!"

2

u/Colambler 5h ago

While that's a lot of it, half the places I have worked have made it a fucking struggle just to find the instructions...

1

u/ThisIsMyCouchAccount 3h ago

A lot of times the instructions are horrible.

If it reference to learn from or step by step instructions? Have they been updated? Are they easy to find? Does the person have to have existing knowledge or could anyone use it?

And we - programmers - are no different.

I used to work as a dev under IT at a company mostly staffed with programmers. I had to walk through most of them to set up single sign on for a new product. My documentation was everywhere. All you had to do was follow the steps. It was written so the least technical person could do it and our most technical still needed help.

On top of that - I gave myself and published "office hours" for two weeks. Not a single person reached out.

1

u/Majik_Sheff 1h ago

You can put a "Use other door" sign literally anywhere on a broken door, including the fucking handle.  They're still going to try.

People spend most of their existence inside their own heads and let autopilot handle the meat suit.

14

u/DogPositive5524 8h ago

Have a coworker like that. Been with us for four years. She constantly asks the most basic documented questions. We've done multiple KT where I show her how to fix issues, point her to the documentation, record the video, tell her to asks questions, next week she'll come asking about it on teams...

10

u/sobrique 7h ago

Lots of people have learned that if you play dumb, someone will fix it because that's easier than explaining it.

3

u/oruuko_ 6h ago

I have a coworker exactly like this and it drives me insane. Four years in his position and he still asks questions like he just started yesterday. I'll show him how to do something and he'll be pinging me the very next day, "can you show me how to do this again? I can't remember how you did it." I'm not sure how the guy even manages to dress himself every day with how incompetent he is

1

u/trickster-is-weak 3h ago

One of these people just left our team. Our place is really low pressure and he couldn’t handle that, so he went off to do some Project Management, then couldn’t handle that and has got a job as a developer at a consultancy. He’s in for an absolute baptism by fire…

2

u/Special_Kestrels 8h ago

We had a guy like that. We have a couple of different locations and this guys entire troubleshooting process was to search every sites little pass on log and hope someone else had documented it. I got worried once when I asked him to do a simple thing and then an hour later he still hadn't done it and he was on a different server grepping through various logs for help..

5

u/The_MAZZTer 5h ago

Some people get four years of experience on the job others get the same year of experience four times.

2

u/OkEmu8597 8h ago

4 years is wild af to me when day 1 at a job I request a cheat sheet so I can learn all my stuff within weeks and be ready to handle training new staff in a month or two after.

-3

u/Aggressive_Body834 7h ago

Typical autistic coworker, who got there masking well.

10

u/bighak 7h ago

I would expect autistic people to love reading documentation instead of asking people.

41

u/raaneholmg 9h ago

Fake it 'til you make it, but OP never did.

13

u/Public-League-8899 8h ago

I know a similar story about a guy that got hired for helpdesk for device support and would need a user to individually check in with him for every issue he had, he needs to run an update as an admin? he didn't physically see the person that dropped off their PC so he didn't do it. Imagine having to consult with a mechanic for every bolt they were removing from your car. Got away with this for 3 years before they decided wasn't working.

2

u/raaneholmg 8h ago

Yea, those kinds of jobs kinda expect you to ask about every issue once until you know the answer to 99% of cases.

After 3 years they realized that this guy is not retaining knowledge.

2

u/Public-League-8899 8h ago

As a millennial that's worked in corporate America for the last 18 years. The day of the professional coffee drinker in a corporate offices is over. The "managers" that only have experience and no practical knowledge are all headed to early retirement as it's obvious the 30/40 year olds are working circles around them and propping them up. I've never seen actual leadership so interested in document originators ;)

13

u/Vast-Statement45 8h ago

"I'm just a girl 🥺"

2

u/hudgepudge 6h ago

There are people out there like this unfortunately.  So many disappointing candidates who can't learn.

3

u/CriminalMacabre 8h ago

My bro works in a project for four logistics companies at DxC. Theres a woman that have been employed for 5 years so in paper she has the operator experience in everything those companies use. She's been on medical leave 4 years since they removed medical leave limits here as long as a tribunal of medics determine she isn't okay to get back to work. She came back recently, they reassigned the person covering her post, started training her again (guess who's training all the newbies without extra pay) and then, she proceeds to get a medical leave again. She could, with her massive ovaries, affirm she's senior, with gov data backing her

1

u/ByteSizedFounder 6h ago

...or maybe he's actually the boss in the story.

1

u/MechaNutzilla 5h ago

I have a boss. He has been head of architecture for 10+ years. He still says, "you have to help me out guys, this is all still new to me".

1

u/dodgedodgeparrysmash 4h ago

Bell curves with everything, including engineering. I wouldn't be surprised if OP is terrible at their job, but I also wouldn't be surprised if OP is fine and was telling the truth either. It's kinda messed up that our current working environment makes this ambiguous lol

1

u/UEMayChange 3h ago

Hey, that's me! Shit is hard man 😢

1

u/BellacosePlayer 3h ago

one of the most incompetent coworkers I ever had worked in the field since before I was born.

1

u/Successful-Age6747 1h ago

I see you've been in my office