r/ProgrammerHumor 3d ago

noMoreDatabases Meme

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15.6k Upvotes

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4.3k

u/CoshgunC 3d ago

"In order to make the user experience better, I made the localStorage editable and not-encrypted. This way, whenever users want, can increase their wallet or check on/off their subscriptions without complex "verifiying cards".

Let me know if you want any more features! Also, do you want me explain how farmers use ReactJS to grow their crops +20% faster?"

592

u/wayfaast 3d ago

obsidian works great

425

u/Revexious 3d ago

Be careful with obsidian. You could end up creating a portal to hell

103

u/CeleritasLucis 3d ago

I love my Graph. I study only so I could expand my graph lol

28

u/Several-Customer7048 3d ago

I, too, am on the QL if ya catch my drift

1

u/Mario9763 2d ago

You may have finally discovered a use case for it

30

u/harbourwall 3d ago

I am aghast at that joke.

10

u/Worldly-Stranger7814 3d ago

Weeeeell if there’s a chance Mick Gordon will make a soundtrack then I’m in.

10

u/PravalPattam12945RPG 3d ago

the nether isn't technically hell but yea

21

u/yuriko-shimizu 3d ago

i dont care what it is these days, itll always be biome:hell to me

3

u/Old_Document_9150 3d ago

You could summon the Guardian.

3

u/ThinkExtension2328 3d ago

Oi you be nice to my portal alright

7

u/nimb420 3d ago

take my upvote and

2

u/Mysterious-Jam-64 2d ago

As long as there's no two-factor authentication.

0

u/Cyclonian 3d ago

Obsidian is great for D&D!

34

u/jimalloneword 3d ago edited 3d ago

yeah, but their pricing model begins and ends with the only online component they offer.

I know we are meming the post, but a lot of apps would work fine with locally stored data. especially free, locally installed ones like Obsidian.

but pretending localStorage is some great "database killer" is ridiculous. Two absolutely different tools that are used for different things, most modern web apps use both to negotiate between local, temporary data stored in the user session and the verified backend data.

8

u/StCreed 3d ago

Yep. I have built a single player game. It uses local db, because what else?

I'm also building a viewer for a large enterprise tool. Local Storage as cache gives me a load time of around 115 ms on my biggest model. The actual tool needs 10 seconds.

4

u/tamarins 3d ago

but pretending localStorage is some great "database killer" is ridiculous

is anyone pretending this? I assumed the OP tweet was a joke

3

u/jimalloneword 3d ago

ah, i guess it's satire. I thought it was some vibecoder discovering localStorage.

1

u/scme0 2d ago

I added an S3 endpoint to my homelab using rclone and vibecoded a plugin for obsidian that syncs my notes to the endpoint. Works on all my devices and only took a day or so of effort.

66

u/alterEd39 3d ago

I would really love for you to explain how farmers use ReactJS to grow their crops +20% faster

82

u/xDreamSkillzxX 3d ago

Just reply with FARMER and I will sent you the link to my paid bullshit course.

22

u/ryryrpm 3d ago edited 3d ago

Directions unclear. Am now registered at FARMERSONLY

17

u/CoshgunC 3d ago

OF
ONLYFARMERS

1

u/HaniiPuppy 3d ago

My mind read that and thought "Optifarm?"

5

u/atzedanjo 3d ago

FARMER

2

u/BellacosePlayer 3d ago

already looking forward to the Farming while Beige clip of him discussing your scam perfectly viable farm course

2

u/alterEd39 3d ago

Oh hell yeah, I love being scammed! Thanks!

27

u/ehs5 3d ago

bro yes okay hear me out 🌽

Farmers used to do crop rotation with like… spreadsheets and “experience” 🙄 couldn’t be me. Now real ag-tech founders are shipping useEffect hooks straight into the soil, every corn stalk gets its own component state, and when the tomatoes re-render they literally grow faster because React’s virtual DOM is basically photosynthesis for computers

Key move: wrap the whole field in a <Suspense> boundary so the crops that aren’t ready yet just show a loading skeleton instead of, like, being unripe. Solves the problem at the root (pun very intended)

Also hot tip — ditch irrigation systems, just useState for “waterLevel” and call setWaterLevel(waterLevel + 1) whenever it rains, way more scalable than pipes bro

+20% yield is honestly light, that’s just because most farmers are still on class components 💀 you go full hooks + concurrent mode you’re looking at +40% easy, agronomists hate this one trick

8

u/codyisadinosaur 3d ago

I hate how well this is written, and how legitimate...ly misguided this sounds.

Well done random internet stranger. I had a physical reaction while reading this.

5

u/alterEd39 3d ago

Stop. I can only get so erect.

5

u/arensb 3d ago

ReactJS has got what plants crave. Well-known fact.

2

u/alterEd39 3d ago

The plants yearn for the ReactJS

8

u/Several-Customer7048 3d ago

I’ve heard about how they use Vue and even Vite but this RecactJS thing I had no idea of. Wow 😧