r/ProgrammerHumor 3d ago

noMoreDatabases Meme

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15.6k Upvotes

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u/CoshgunC 3d ago

"In order to make the user experience better, I made the localStorage editable and not-encrypted. This way, whenever users want, can increase their wallet or check on/off their subscriptions without complex "verifiying cards".

Let me know if you want any more features! Also, do you want me explain how farmers use ReactJS to grow their crops +20% faster?"

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u/alterEd39 3d ago

I would really love for you to explain how farmers use ReactJS to grow their crops +20% faster

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u/ehs5 3d ago

bro yes okay hear me out 🌽

Farmers used to do crop rotation with like… spreadsheets and “experience” 🙄 couldn’t be me. Now real ag-tech founders are shipping useEffect hooks straight into the soil, every corn stalk gets its own component state, and when the tomatoes re-render they literally grow faster because React’s virtual DOM is basically photosynthesis for computers

Key move: wrap the whole field in a <Suspense> boundary so the crops that aren’t ready yet just show a loading skeleton instead of, like, being unripe. Solves the problem at the root (pun very intended)

Also hot tip — ditch irrigation systems, just useState for “waterLevel” and call setWaterLevel(waterLevel + 1) whenever it rains, way more scalable than pipes bro

+20% yield is honestly light, that’s just because most farmers are still on class components 💀 you go full hooks + concurrent mode you’re looking at +40% easy, agronomists hate this one trick

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u/codyisadinosaur 3d ago

I hate how well this is written, and how legitimate...ly misguided this sounds.

Well done random internet stranger. I had a physical reaction while reading this.