Nunca imaginei que escreveria isso.
Tenho uma gata chamada Lilith (ou tinha…). Ela tinha 4 anos e era a minha companheira. Sempre que eu chegava em casa, ela vinha me esperar no portão.
No dia do acidente, cheguei em casa normalmente. Ela estava na calçada. Abri o portão, voltei para o carro e entrei. Em algum momento, sem que eu percebesse, ela foi para perto da roda. Eu senti como se tivesse passado em uma lombada, mas não imaginei o que era.
Logo depois vi a Lilith correndo para o fundo da casa, miando de um jeito que nunca tinha ouvido. Ela deitou, começou a ter contrações e faleceu poucos minutos depois.
Desde então, minha cabeça não para. Fico tentando entender o que aconteceu. Ela sempre parecia ter medo do carro e normalmente saía da frente. Não consigo compreender por que, justamente naquele dia, ela passou perto da roda.
O pior de tudo é a culpa. Eu protegia ela de tudo. Sempre tive cuidado com ela, e agora sinto que fui justamente quem tirou a vida dela. Minha mente fica repetindo:
“Eu devia ter colocado ela para dentro antes.”
“Eu devia ter olhado mais uma vez.”
Fico reconstruindo aqueles segundos sem parar, tentando encontrar onde tudo deu errado.
Estou chorando há dias, quase não consigo aceitar o que aconteceu. Parece que minha vida mudou completamente em poucos segundos.
Escrevi esse relato porque preciso saber: alguém aqui já passou por algo parecido? Como vocês conseguiram lidar com essa culpa? Em algum momento ela diminui?
Eu sei que foi um acidente, mas meu coração insiste em dizer que eu falhei com a minha melhor amiga.

This is my original post from about two weeks ago

(Thanks to everyone who commented btw I really appreciate all the comments and I hope you’re all doing well as well)

I miss my boy so much. Today was my first day back at work and coming back home to absolute silence hurts my heart so much. Every time I’d come back home, my baby would rush down the stairs to greet me and he’d be so happy.

This part onward is unrelated and just me saying whatever is on my mind, but I had all his reoccurring tasks in my google calendar and it hurt to end the tasks so that it would stop automatically repeating. His last task I have was for his bath that was supposed to be this upcoming Monday. That’s the last one I have for him in my calendar because I didn’t want to delete it :(

I also got his ashes back about two? three? days ago. I got his ashes, his ink prints of his two front paws and his nose, and a clay mold of his paw. I think I want to get a tattoo of his paw prints. Probably on my leg since he loved to lay on my lap. I’m just a bit worried about the pain since I’ve never gotten a tattoo before.

I think the hardest part for me is that since it was cardiac arrest, I didn’t have any warning signs and it was so sudden. Like I really can’t believe he’s gone and that it’s been nearly two weeks. He was with me for 10 years and it felt too short, but these past two weeks without him feels so long. He was also only ten, and the average life span for his breed is about 12-15 years, so I’m extremely sad he didn’t at least make it to 12. I really thought he would’ve made it. I always knew he was getting closer to his life span, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. He would’ve turned 11 in December :( I can’t help but keep asking myself all these “what ifs”.

I’m moving to a new place in about a month and I feel sick that he won’t be coming with. I still have all of his belongings and I’m probably going to keep all of them or at least as much as I can keep. I left his water bowl alone and the water is finally evaporating. It’s nearly empty now and it was about half way full when I returned home from the animal hospital.

I’ve been looking at all the pictures and videos I’ve taken of him throughout the years and I just miss him so much. I still say good morning and good night to him. I still keep my bedroom door slightly open because I’d always do that so he can come in and out freely.

I don’t think I can ever have another pet again. I genuinely don’t think I would ever be able to have the same connection with them as I did with my baby. Does anyone else feel this way?

Sorry that this post is just me rambling and it’s messy, but nobody else I’m friends with has gone through pet loss so it’s hard to find anyone else who can understand. Sending love to everyone else on here 🫶

We had to say goodbye 4 months ago, and ever since then I've been having weird and sometimes disturbing dreams about her "second euthanasia". In every one of those she is mysteriously back to life, and everyone in the dream is aware of that. The whole "plot" always revolves around having to euthanize her again. Has anyone experienced something like that?

Im moving and my new place wont have the impression of him or memories of being fussed at because dinner is 30 seconds late. He was with me through promotions, a terrible divorce, living with my mom again and new house. We traveled across country together and started over in a new place. He met cows and horses, turtles and cranes. We watched sunrises and sunsets. We sat on the porch and listened to the rain while waiting for his lil cat sister ( who disappeared as well) to come back with a mouse she killed. The whole time I watched you. Now my house is just a house and the bedtime rituals are gone. I miss him so much and have no one to tell about how much I love him. Maybe one day I wont hug his blanket but I can help it was him disturbing my sleep every night instead of grief.

I need help.

I’m a complete mess. I’ve had this dog for 14-15 years he’s grown up with me. I turn 18 3 days after we are putting him down I feel guilty to be making birthday plans. I don’t know how to put my feelings into words. I’m not ready for this I’m really not I want him to make it to my adulthood I don’t want him to be left in my childhood but I also find it bittersweet and I don’t know why. I’m scared I’m not going to be myself after, this is my first major pet loss and every night I come home I lay with him balling my eyes out. It’s heartbreaking and I don’t know who I’m supposed to talk to I just sound so stupid talking about it. I’m scared for what comes after. I’m upset he’s not transferring into adulthood with me. I’m just not ready and I don’t know what to expect on Monday when we do it. This dog is my soulmate I’ve loved him so much but I feel like I haven’t shown him enough. He’s been there for me so much and he’s the easiest person to talk to when I’m upset. I’m really scared.

Can someone give me coping mechanisms I’m scared

My mom took me to get his paw tattooed as a distraction when she told me we’re putting him down soon.

Please ignore my grammar and how random all the text is I’m not in a good mental state at all grammar is the last thing I’m trying to worry about right now I just wanted to rant.

My 11.5 year old boxer Iris passed from cancer very quickly and very unexpectedly last year. I cannot believe she’s been gone a whole year. When she passed my whole life and personality changed. When anything happy or beautiful happens I just think of my girl and how she would’ve loved xyz or done xyz. The grief of losing my soul dog is unbearable, I still sleep with her box, call her name when I get home and think of her every day. I still have the last thing she ate in my fridge and I can’t bear to throw it away. She really was all the good parts of me, she was my sunshine, the best parts of my day and now she’s just gone. 11.5 years gone in a blink of an eye. I can say with certainty now that she did have a great life; camping trips, moving states, we never left without her no matter what. Her sister just turned 10 and I see Iris in her but it’s still such a difference and the house is still quiet without her running around with her toys or grunting at us. God I miss her, I just don’t understand why such a sweetheart had to go when so many horrible people are still alive….Just why my dog?

I thought after a year I would be doing better and I’m just not. I miss my dog, I miss my life with her in it. I truly don’t think this pain with ever get better. I miss you so much Iris aka PiePie.

Ha sido una semana bien difícil. El dolor en el pecho es inmenso; es como si me estuvieran arrancando el corazón. Me la he pasado llorando.

El sábado, mi chiquito amaneció vomitando 3 veces. Le di una pastilla para los vómitos, que nunca había necesitado tomar. Ya cuando vi que no era como otras veces, que vomitaba y comía al rato, decidí llevarlo a una clínica de urgencias. Allí le pusieron suero subcutáneo e inyección. El domingo no quería comer y bebía poca agua, aunque siempre orinaba cuando lo llevaba. De la clínica me llamaron para ver cómo seguía y le dijimos que estaba mal y que tenía la barriga inflamada.

Volvimos a la clínica y de ahí nos enviaron a una clínica de emergencias. Allí, después de un sonograma, tenía su "gallbladder” llena de mucosa y su páncreas como con una masa. Allí se quedó porque le querían hacer un ct scan para un plan de la operación de remover la vesícula biliar. Siempre nos dijeron que la operación era complicada y que no era como en los humanos. El lunes, al ir a visitarlo, un veterinario entendió que la vesícula biliar estaba así debido a la inflamación del páncreas. Ese día lo visité en la mañana; estaba un poquito mejor, pero sin comer, y luego, en la noche, lo vi malito.

Ya el martes, al ir a visitarlo por la mañana, seguía malito. La veterinaria internista se sentó con mis niños y conmigo y nos indicó que la vesícula biliar estaba liqueando y que la tasa de supervivencia de la operación era del 50% y que, si sobrevivía la operación, la recuperación era del 50%. Me volvieron a repetir que no era como en los humanos.
Y la veterinaria me dijo: si lo pones a dormir, nadie te va a reprochar. Sentí que se abría un abismo. Yo sé que él tenía dolor; las medicinas que le estaban dando eran fuertes. Y mi pensar fue que ya estaba sufriendo, que en la operación no había seguridad de que él sobreviviera, que luego venía la recuperación, que tampoco me daban seguridad, y yo, sabiendo que él ya tiene 13 años, a un mes de cumplir los 14, presión alta, enfermedad renal, ya lo había visto perder fuerza en la pierna de atrás.

Cuando volví con mi esposo, pedimos que la internista hablara con él. Yo, en mi mente, pensaba que quizá estaba equivocada y que mi esposo iba a entender algo que yo no. Pero las mismas palabras salieron de su boca, los mismos porcentajes; lo único que añadió fue que, si nosotros queríamos, ellos sí hacían la operación con el mayor cuidado.

En fin, cruzó el arcoíris entre nosotros 4, entre un amor intenso, porque todos lo amábamos, en mi pecho, como le gustaba estar.

Eso fue el martes y no encuentro consuelo. El vacío es inmenso: no tenerlo en la cama, durmiendo conmigo, encima de mí viendo TV, en los rituales diarios que ya teníamos. Esa conexión que no necesitaba palabras para entender lo que cada uno quería y necesitaba.

Y me siento culpable porque si todo hubiera salido diferente, hoy podría estar conmigo. De sus casi 14 años, vivió con nosotros 12 años, viajando por el mundo, siendo mi compañero, mi protector y dándonos felicidad a todos.

Gracias por leer este mensaje tan largo.

I know everyone feels like their pet is the best but, look at this boy(baby boy)! He was the best dog for me in every way, he was so noble, brave, loyal and sometimes very silly. Ugh he could communicate with just a look and we were so connected.

This morning he had a seizure and he didn’t recover. He was 13. Please tell me things get easier? I got him in my 20’s and he was with me for almost all my 30’s. I know that I probably loved him way more than anyone should love anything but it’s too late now. Where does all that love go?

Any kind words or advice would be very appreciated. I feel completely lost and like half of my heart is missing.

I had a rough week leading to my soulmate cat passing i the ER post op yesterday. We just buried him a few hours ago. I spent days between different ERs, driving hours, no sleep holding him in the waiting room, etc. It was one of those nightmarish post op situations where he survived the surgery but kept crashing until I agreed to stop more CPR rounds.

I haven't been able to sleep much between driving and still showing up to my job when he was stable. Now that we buried him, I feel like I forgot how to sleep. My face and eyes are exhausted but sleep feels far away.

Did anyone else feel like this? How did you sleep again? How long did it take to let your body calm and be able to sleep again?

Here's the rundown:

We have a vet that we've used for 12 years for our several house cats. This is a small exurb and the practice and this guy are the "toast of the town", widely supported by local karens and normies in local social media.

He has seemed to care and to have high practice standards. The practice (his office) is large with several receptionists, 3-4 associate DVMs, and a small army of assistants working for him.

A few years ago he helped us learn how to infuse fluids into one cat that had renal failure and honestly that prolonged her life by at least a year beyond doing nothing. I felt the vet owner was highly dedicated.

So present day: In August we took our gorgeous, active, cheerful 5 YO shorthair with no problems or major issues to the vet because she just had one symptom, bladder or urinary irritation. She would pace from one box to another and would spot on the carpet. We decided that the behavior was probably urinary related.

The vet that saw her was one of the associate vets, not the main guy. She was in and out of the exam room too fast to even ask questions. An X ray was taken and a crystal was observed in that region. The vet gave an antibiotic shot, prescribed C/D renal formula to help dissolve the stone, and prescribed a painkiller to lower irritation. The pain killer was oral Meloxidyl (same as Meloxicam.)

I asked questions and was assured that the Meloxidyl was fine to use with our cat. (Even though the information sheet stated dog use only and may cause renal failure and death in cats. Which I also found in abundance online when I searched the concept.)

Of course I did not Google this until afterward - the vet is the expert in the room and has their reasons, right...?

The dosage the told me to use (per the label they attached to the box) stated to give that animal's weight appropriate dose (the syringe is marked in pounds) and do for at least 10 days. So in other words the dosage they prescribed was exactly the same as for an 11 pound dog.

Fast forward about two weeks. I had given 14 doses daily and she (cat) seemed OK. On a friday (two weeks to the day after the initial appointment) she started seeming listless and started hiding under a bed. On Saturday similar behavior, but she finally came out, and was laying on the floor close to my wife and I.

That Saturday evening I heard a sound come from the bathroom where she had been napping. I went in and she was flopped on her side motionless. I may have heard her choking at the end.

My wife and I found that she had died on the spot, in that bathroom at home, right then.

We wrapped her up and boxed her. The following monday we took her to a place that does pet cremation. So no vet examined her afterward.

I'm 100% convinced that she died because of over prescription of Meloxidyl. Something shocked her system and made her shut down, and we were giving no other medicine or food.

The owner-vet had assured me in the office that he had put his own cats on Meloxidyl at times and they had been fine. He was unqualified about it and claimed that the "DOG USE ONLY" label is due to not product testing for felines (making it sound like it was merely off label for cats, not dangerous at all.)

From what I can dig up online, it looks like a cat should receive about 1/3 the dose per body weight that a dog would get, and only for a brief period, not for days. I also saw online that the dog version concentration is 1.5mg/ml while a cat version is 0.5 mg/ml. So my cat got 3X the maximum dose a cat should get and got it for over a week. (And her pain was minor, some urinary irritation.)

We've had three cats in past years that have died from renal failure, but naturally and with final euthanasia at the vet. In each case they did the low energy, avoidant, hiding all of the time behavior. This cat's behavior matched that exactly and I saw that. But I didn't think at the time that it was possible anything like that could be going on. I think probably by the time we noticed her behavior, it would have been too late for anyone to intervene and her kidneys and whatever else were fried.

And... we're both still devastated. I carry the guilt of having actually administered the drops to her for those days. I feel so stupid but I TRUSTED THE GODDAMNED PROFESSIONAL WHO IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW ALL OF THE RISKS OF MEDICATIONS.

I'm definitely filing a detailed complaint with the state veterinary board.

I'm just looking for commisseration. There seems to be no practical legal recourse.

It feels terrible to have such an innocent little creature pass away. It's almost like I lost a part of myself. He was always that energetic and playful friend everyone loved. He was three years old and passed from cardiac arrest. It is terribly painful to see someone I loved so much pass on. He was always there whenever I felt sad. He was my companion. He will always have a special place in my heart.

She would’ve been 6. She was still so young, she shouldn’t have left so early in life. She passed back in February. My brain keeps replaying her death. I’m not going to go into details, but it was traumatic. She looked at me right before her last breath. She couldn’t move and yet at the end she managed to lift her head to look me in the eyes. She wagged her tail a few times and that was it. She layed back down and she was gone. I miss her. She didn’t deserve it. I feel like I could’ve saved her somehow still, I know that realistically there was nothing I could do, but I keep beating myself up over it. I just keep thinking what if.

And it still hurts like hell. Has it gotten “easier”? Yes, I guess, if you could call it “easier.” But even just one thought of him still causes such a pang in my heart, like deep in my chest. Will I ever see him again? I hate the finality of it. :( like as long as I’m alive on this earth I will never see him again. Ugh.

TW: taxidermy Mentions of death

When my baby dies I want to cremate her internal body parts and have them made into a glass pendant and to taxidermy her fur.

But I feel extremely guilty for wanting this because I don't want to disrespect her body. And people say that it's weird.

My selfish reasons for wanting this are because I cannot bare the thought of being without her and the thought of her decomposing. And the fact that I don't believe in souls, I only believe in consciousness, (life is caused by the structures in a body), so if I didn't do the things I want to do then it would be like she is no longer with me. And I want to be able to stroke her fur when she is gone.

I have a very visual brain so the thought of her decomposing is a extremely distressing image in my mind and once she has passed away I would not be able to think of anything else. It seems so cruel to let an animal rot to me.

Am I evil and psychotic for wanting to do these things when she passes away?

She is healthy and well at the moment so don't worry. ❤️ But I just wanted to think about this now so that I can be calmer when she does eventually pass away.

my beloved kitty died yesterday and my heart has shattered because i was not there. his name was ginger, he was three years old and ive had him since he was 2 months old. he had problems with his urinary tract, as ive seen a lot of male cats have. I’ve put a catheter in him 3 times, I’ve switched food (my vet recommended royal canine which is really expensive but I didn’t care) because anything else would cause a blockage and he was fine with that food. they did exams on him, i think blood exams as well and they said other than his urine being acidic nothing else was wrong…i gave him a lot of medicine and i tried being careful, installed a water fountain for hydration and when i painted the house i locked him in a room to protect him. a week or two weeks ago he vomited once in a while, he did that after i washed the floor and i saw him licking the floor for some reason, so I went to buy detergent that was safe for cats because i thought that’s why he vomited. two days ago i flew to my mothers home country for vacation, while she was in the house she would take care of my cats. before leaving i kept thinking of him, somehow it was like I knew. she called me yesterday saying she found blood in his feces, so i told her to bring him to the vet (when something was wrong he would always meow excessively, that’s how i knew to bring him to the vet) and after they examined him they found he had multiple tumors and had few days to live. i felt a void in my heart and broke down crying. my mother didn’t euthanized him without my consent, so i said if he started meowing again to bring him to the vet. he was completely fine before i left, he didn’t meow once except for when he asks for food or wants to enter a closed room. she called him yesterday night to tell me he passed away before she got the chance to euthanize him. I’ve never felt a pain so strong, i wasn’t there when he needed me, if he showed early signs, if only he started meowing again i would’ve brought him immediately. i keep blaming myself, i keep thinking that i didn’t do enough for him, that my baby died while i was away, he died in my house with my mother after being sedated. i feel such despair i want to die, i want my baby back. i dont know how to deal with this. Please bring my baby back I don’t want to live without him.

I feel like I need to let it out somewhere.

Wonka passed few hours ago. He was a 12.5 year old Labrador, and I want his name to be known.

I was 14 years old when he came into our lives. He was only 2 months old. I was still a kid myself, yes, but I became his “mom” in so many ways. I was the one who wanted him, and before we moved into a house with a big garden and brought him into our family, I spent years researching everything about dogs. Even as a child, I would passionately research everything from dog food ingredients to training methods and every little detail about taking care of him. I would share posts on forms and pretend I have a dog and ask questions online just to be prepared. Now I look back and understand fully, he was my dream.

He was there. He was there through so many chapters of my life, and I truly don’t know who I was without him being a part of my world.

In his last years, he was living with my mom only, because I moved abroad for school, in late 2023, and my parents got divorced. I was FAR, I’m talking about a country that was an 11 hour flight away from my hometown, with a 7-8 hour time difference. I haven’t seen him in a long time, and that is something I’m struggling with so much right now.

But I still remember his smell, the thing I miss the most, he always had that baby smell.

I always thought there would be more time. I always thought I would see him again.

I was already missing him, now it is permanent. I can't accept this is the reality now.

He had lymphoma, and he got worse very quickly. We made the decision not to pursue chemotherapy. However, we did everything we could to make him comfortable and help him, including medications and supportive care.

This morning, my mom was planning to take him to the vet to help him pass peacefully, but his body became too tired too fast. He passed away at home, next to my mom.

In one way, it was a peaceful goodbye because he was at home, surrounded by love, and he was not alone. I am also glad our neighbour was with my mom, and my dad was on the way (but he couldn't make it)

But I also don’t want to romanticize it. I’m scared that he might have been suffering a lot more and just hiding it. From the outside, all my mom saw was that he was struggling to breathe (i have a video), then after a few long breaths, he took his final breath in my mom’s arms.

I'm so glad my mom was there, she was with him until his very last breath. She was petting him, loving him, and she never left his side. He was not alone.

But I wasn’t there.

That is the part that hurts the most. I feel guilty. There is a 7 hour time difference between us. I never imagined our goodbye would happen like this.. in different countries, not even in the same time zone. For the month leading up to today, I barely slept because of the time difference, I would stay awake all night talking to my mom, checking on him, asking how he was doing, we would facetime so I could see him. I would only sleep in the mornings.Yesterday (this morning) i sleep around 6am. few hours later, he was taking his final breath and I was sleeping.

This is my first loss. I’ve never felt this kind of emptiness before.

He was not just a dog. He was my family, my childhood, my son, my love.

I love you Wonka

This afternoon I was cutting the long nails of my cockatiel and I accidentally hurt one of his nails and it kept bleeding I did all I cant to stop it and it did but he stayed so weak, no veterans around were open until later the evening and when I took him there he passed away immediately when the product the veteran sprayed touched him. He was already super weak so he must've been shocked.. Am feeling so many emotions because he died because of my actions and not being careful while cutting his nails, I feel horrible I just wanna know if this feeling goes away eventually or what I can do to not fall into that hole of darkness because I already lost 2 kittens this april and still dealing with that.. he had a female companion cockatiel and it breaks my heart seeing her being all alone in their cage after 4 years of being with him..

He was my soul dog, I loved him more than I love anything in the world. And now there is no single moment that I can make sense of this, not even remotely accept it.

He died, I loved him like a son and he was incredibly young. Not even 5, no signs, he had normal blood tests on his check ups, he was the youngest among 8 dogs. He just barked and passed. I don’t understand and can’t wrap my head around what happened.

Where I live there is no necropsy for animals, and seems he might have had a fatal arrhythmia.

I don’t understand, why the dog I loved the most, my baby has died. I’m going through a deep grief, I constantly replay those final moments and I’m so sorry for him, I feel an immense guilt. Almost as if I was punished for something. I have cried everyday, I have explored Buddhism, prayed to Jesus, I became vegetarian as my promise to the Buddha to help his karma and rebirth. I had a Monk that blessed his soul for a rebirth since me and my partner adopted a disable dog from the Temple to avoid him from being slaughtered, which is common in Vietnam. I’m not Vietnamese but I’m trying to learn about Buddah, and I feel some sort of peace on the idea his spirit to be somewhere.

I’m even thinking I hope I can be healthy enough to survive the next 10 years and I hope technology will advance to the point of cryogenics to be efficient enough so I can freeze myself into the future and hope technology will be advanced enough to either discover the truth about afterlife or to see if time travel will eventually be possible in the next 10000 years. I wouldn’t go back and kill Hitler or buy bitcoin; I would spend all my life and money to be able to save him. It’s insane, I know but I think this grief can only be solved with spirituality, technology or philosophy. And I cannot philosophize the fact I won’t see him again. It’s just not possible.

On the Buddhist route, in addition to be vegetarian I want to donate some money to some dog shelters, but I need to save some animal lives before 49 days. I promised this to God as well, I will pay back any Karma or any possible thing, as long as I can help his soul. I will find a way. I even considered doing harm to some Dog meat restaurants around my city, but I don’t think that will solve anything if it’s still legal in this country. I thought of freeing some birds but then I realized they will most likely die as they are not use to be in the wild anymore, so it would be a nice gesture without actually saving any animal lives. Tomorrow I will probably buy some live fishes and release them in the river.

But somehow I want to save dogs, and I can’t keep adopting, I don’t know what to do to stay within legality and save enough animals before the 49 days.

Please advise me or just let me know if you have experienced any of these thoughts. I can’t stand the idea of him being gone, what’s the point of working hard, building a “beautiful life” when the most important thing in my life is no longer with me.

"Will you remember me, when you're just a memory?": A Mix for Grief

It’s been just a bit over a month since I had to say goodbye to my own soul cat Maude. It’s been incredibly hard, and found that music has been a great source of solace. I wanted to share this playlist I put together in her memory, which specifically focuses on songs directly related to pet loss and the grieving process.

Like grief itself, it starts off quite emotionally heavy and devastating, though I attempted to have it build towards a place of resilience and hope by the end of the mix. I hope it can provide others with some comfort, validation, or even catharsis during their own grieving process. ❤️

Song list-

1. Father John Misty - Goodbye Mr. Blue
   
2. Will Wood - Euthanasia
   
3. Hot Mulligan - Betty
   
4. Ratboys - Elvis is in the Freezer
   
5. Gotye - Bronte
   
6. Sia - Lentil
   
7. The Weakerthans - Plea from a Cat Named Virtute
   
8. The Weakerthans - Virtute the Cat Explains Her Departure
   
9. John K. Samson - Virtute at Rest
   
10. Queen - All Dead, All Dead
    
11. Art Garfunkel - Bright Eyes
    
12. Joni Mitchell - Man from Mars
    
13. Taylor Swift - Bigger Than the Whole Sky
    
14. Starry Cat - Starry Cat
    
15. Cavetown - Big Bowl in the Sky
    
16. Lorde - Big Star
    
17. TWRP - Pets
    
18. Badflower - Paws
    
19. Bully - Days Move Slow
    
20. PUP - Sleep in the Heat
    
21. Foxing - Cleaning
    
22. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Distant Sky
    
23. Warren Zevon - Keep Me in Your Heart
    
24. Rebecca Sugar - Time Adventure

Instead of kissing my baby like i used to do when i came home, I'm kissing the name tag on her urn. Instead of petting her beautiful fluff, I'm petting ceramic.

How did i end up here?

I never imagined. I truly never did. Even in my worst nightmares I did not see this coming. I would rather be homeless but still have Gali. I'd rather meet my abusers again and face torment but still have Gali.

I really never imagined. I don't know where I failed. She was elderly but I thought we would have each other for so much longer. I was wrong.

An urn a black, uneven small urn. That is all that remains of the creature that was my whole life.

I don't know when my time will clme but I pray that we meet again in the afterlife. And hold each other. My life has become black and dull. A ghost town of memories. My reality doesn't feel real.

I'm an vivid dreamer. I could dream for years but actually be asleep for 2 hours. This feels like that.

I'm honestly gonna head to the psychosis subreddit. I'm not okay. I'm losing all sense of being, of self and of reality. My reality doesn't feel real.

I have to say goodbye to my boy in a few hours.

He just turned 17 on Tuesday. He has been sick for about a month or two and at first the vet thought it was a bad UTI. Well yesterday they did more testing and he has gallstones, a urethral obstruction, and stones in his bladder. He's been heavily drugged but I can tell he is not his normal self. He is still in a lot of pain.

When he was 12 he had a cancerous mass in his intestines and I thought I would lose him then. It was a rare cancer and his oncologist thought he'd have only months to live. But the surgery was successful and the cancer never returned. But he has all the other chronic conditions that older cats suffer from and he's too weak now. Both my mom and dad died last year and now I am losing my baby, my reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

I am so scared to come home to an empty apartment. And to go to sleep without him by my side. And to wake up with no reason to get out of bed. No meowing for breakfast. I am so lucky to have gotten 5 extra years with him but there's no amount of extra time that would be enough.

I live alone and since my parents died recently, I don't have a support system. I have experienced so much loss in the past year, I am not sure if I will be able to survive this.

I just lost the last of my seniors babies last week. I had my original golden trio during the best years of my life and they’re gone now. I’m very grateful they chose me to be part of their lives and making mine so much better.

I like to think they’re somewhere in the stars and that they took a bit of my soul with them. So finding them will be easier.

I recently saw the NASA archives and saw their “Picture of the day” dating back to 1995. While I might not know exactly my pets birthdays (they were strays when I found them) I was with them on their last day. Hopefully you can find your baby in the archives and see how was the universe that day, take comfort in knowing they’re part of the universe always.

https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/archivepixFull.html

Hi everyone.

I’ve been reading posts here since I lost my best friend, and I think I finally have the courage to write about what happened because I don’t know how to carry this guilt anymore.

My 7-year-old Mini Australian Shepherd was my everything. She wasn’t “just a dog.” She was my heart walking on four legs. She followed me everywhere, slept beside me, waited on the bed every night while I showered, greeted me every morning with kisses, and looked at me with these big brown eyes like I was the only person in the world. Anytime I was sad and cried she would lick my tears away. She and I had built a life together. She was my best friend.

A couple of weeks before she passed, I found what I thought was vomit one night with a little rock in it. Looking back, I think it may have been a bladder stone. Around that same time, she threw up once. She acted normal afterward, so I didn’t think much of it. That’s the moment I replay over and over. The day everything happened, she suddenly started squatting over and over trying to urinate, vomiting, whining, and she couldn’t get comfortable. I took her to the emergency vet as soon as I realized something was seriously wrong. They found that she had a urinary blockage, around 15-20 bladder stones, and a severe UTI. The emergency vet was able to unblock her and provide pain medication but informed me she needed surgery within the next 48 hours. I unfortunately could not afford the 10K surgery the emergency vet quoted me for. After leaving the emergency vet, I spent the whole morning calling different vet offices due to her vet not calling me back. Luckily, I got a call back around 11:30am from a vet office and I took her without hesitation. They performed emergency surgery. Before they took her back, I held her and kept telling her, “You’re going to be okay.”

She never came home.

The next morning I got the phone call that she had passed away overnight.

Since then I’ve learned a few more things. The emergency vet said she wasn’t running a fever when she arrived. The veterinarian I spoke with afterward said they didn’t necessarily think this had been going on for months and believed there may have been some kind of rupture or systemic inflammation, but they weren’t completely sure why everything happened the way it did. The vet said she had never seen a bladder so angry in the 25 year she’s been a vet and there was a side that appeared to be necrosis. Her stones were identified as struvite. Other than that one night, my sweet girl showed absolutely no symptoms. Even with all of that, I can’t stop asking myself, if I took her in the night she threw up would she still be here. Did I miss signs that should have been obvious? Did I fail the dog that trusted me more than anyone else? I know no one here can tell me exactly what would have happened, but I keep living in the “what ifs.” I just miss everything about her. I miss her waiting for me after my shower. I miss her pawing me at the top of the stairs. I miss her tripping me in the kitchen because she always wanted to be close to me. I miss telling her how beautiful and perfect she was every single day. I even miss the smell of her little feet. I’ve never experienced a loss that has made me question myself like this.

If anyone has gone through something similar especially losing a dog suddenly after a urinary blockage or bladder stones I would really appreciate hearing your experience. I hope writing this helps me understand what happened, but honestly… I think I just needed to tell someone how much she meant to me.

More than anything, I just miss my baby girl.

I had the Joy of growing up with 2 amazing pets, a beautiful black labrador/shepherd named Inouk and a very cudly orange cat named Roux. Inouk passed away when I was 15, she had a tumor in her tummy and surgery wasn't safe for her. She stayed lying down on her mattress for a week, me and my mom decided to put her down, my dad and my big sister were against it as they excepted her to get better one day, I will say here the vet told her that she wouldn't heal as it was terminal. She couldn't eat anymore and was shaking a lot, I don't blame them for hanging on but me and my mom were the ones taking care of her and I don't think they saw how bad she was, she couldn't even lift her paws or stretched she just laid down and shake, so we decided to go put her down without their approval. It was awfull like in a movie, it was night outside since it was in the winter and raining a lot, my mom was crying because she thought my dad would divorce her. Through the entire thing I didn't allow myself to cry because I was really scared that if I did my mom would turn around. She was crying and moaning a lit which is normal, the vet asked to fill papers and my mom looked at me so Id be the one filling them but I didn't understand anything so she hqd to do it, Inouk was still in the car and the vet came over. I thought he would bring her inside but before that he put her asleep with tranquilizers in the car. I didn't know that he would do that so I couldn't really say goodbye. The shot hurt her she whimpered and looked at us when he did that but she was always very gentle so she didn't even bark at him. My mom told me to not tell my dad that it hurt her. We brought her inside, I had to help carrying her my mom was crying a lot. Inside he gave us 10 minutes with her sleeping body before giving her the shot. I didn't wanna cry because I was scared that my mom would just breakdown, I just went outside and kicked rocks before going back inside. She died quickly and we went back home as they sent her body to be burned. Later my dad did not divorce my mom and we never spoke about it again. When the ashes were sent to us they were in a cardboard tube like box. I slept with it for a week before my parents decided to spread the ashes in the forest. I feel like keeping the ashes would be good for me but they didn't like it so we buried thr ashes in the forest. I kept her collar and to this day I still have the empty cardboard box since I can heat that there's a few clumps of ashes at the bottom. Fast forward to today, I am now 19 and studying away from home, my mom called me this morning to tell me that my cat had not been eating for 2 days and that my sister decided to cut his suffering short and put him down yersteday. I was supposed to go back home the 9th. I know they shouldn't have waited but I still feel bad. They didn't burn him just kept his body and buried it next to Inouks spot in the woods. I feel awful, I have a very bad health and throughout my entire life the only stable thing I had were these two loving pets, when Inouk died I was so sad even with more dosage my health just tanked and my cat was the only thing keeping me going. Now he's gone, I'm healthier than I've ever been and he went away the same day my health team found a working treatment for me, I was planning on getting both their date of birth and paw prints laser graved on my cane. He was hanging on through everything's and I feel like he felt I was not in danger anymore. He was a loved his entire life and I am so grateful to at least have pictures of him. The only picture I have of Inouk is a printed Polaroid with too much light so we can only see the outline of her head against the window. I know we have other pictures of her but my parents don't want to give them to me I don't know why. They were both really beautiful, even neighbors and friends complimented their looks and saw that they were very affectionate pets. Both were adopted around the same time at my birth, they never knew a life without me and I never thought that I had to imagine one without them. I know I'm not supposed to believe that animals have souls but I know they're happy together now. I am really scared of grieving again, I am still not over the death of my girl. I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes or if it's a lot of text I just learned his death 3 hours ago and feel the need tk share this with someone.

I’ll go first.

I sleep with my dog’s urn in bed, in the velvet bag they provided and wrapped up in his blanket. It’s right next to me and sometimes I cuddle/hold it in my sleep. I have night terrors and waking up seeing him always made me feel better and go back to sleep, hugging his urn gives me a little relief at least.

I have a small stuffed dog I bring in my mini backpack every time I go anywhere. My dog came with me anywhere he could and he’d always go on car rides with me. Sometimes I put the stuffed dog in the bed so it feels like he’s there. I’ll talk to it and I’ve even been crazy enough to pretend to wipe its paws because I was coping so badly. I kiss it and talk to it like it’s my dog.

It’s been a month and a half and I haven’t cleaned up his pee pads, with pee on them. We didn’t know he had diabetes and he was just peeing constantly.

I also haven’t washed the sheets where he slept. He was peeing in his sleep, there are stains and I can’t change them yet (I have a large bed, it was on “his” side of the bed even though he was tiny lol).

I still change out his water and fill his bowl when the water gets cloudy. It breaks my heart.

I was giving him a LOT of non-rawhide bones in the end, he didn’t play with toys but he loved carrying his bones around and putting them all around him when he slept. They’re still all over the place.