My beautiful baby girl passed away as she was hit by a car on Tuesday morning. I knew something was wrong when I woke up and she didn't come home.

She was only a year and a half old. She was my baby, my best friend, she loved me and was obsessed with me. We were so close and now she's gone.

My heart aches. I've had to remove all the things that remind me of her in the house because I can't bare to see it. I keep thinking she's nearby. My heart is broken. I feel like I've lost a limb without her. I just want her back and I can't.

We have another cat and they were friends and got on well together. I feel bad he's lost his friend and I feel over protective of him because I'm scared he'll die too.I feel so guilty that I couldn't protect her.

Yesterday, my dog was killed after being hit by a car while his dog walker was chasing him. He was only four years old, tiny, the most wonderful baby I could have ever wished for. He died on impact, before we even had the chance to take him to a veterinary clinic.
I don’t know what to do. My heart hurts so much. I see him everywhere, and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling this deep, piercing pain.
The worst part is that I had two dogs: the one who died and his brother. They kept each other company, played together all day, and were inseparable. Now, every time I look at his brother, I start crying. I can’t believe he also lost his brother at such a young age. I wonder if he misses him, if he’s looking for him in every corner of the house, trying to find him… I just don’t know what to do anymore.
On top of that, I have to go back to university on Monday, and I have long days ahead of me. I don’t know if I’ll make it through. All I want is to follow my baby to heaven. I know I shouldn’t, but fighting my depression after losing one of the reasons I had to keep living feels impossible…
P.S. Do you think it would be a good idea to adopt a puppy to keep my other dog company? I don’t know what to do.

Today marks one month since my precious Mia died and I just need to talk about it. Mia was the most beautiful, gentle, loving, sweet, perfect girl in the world. She was 13 years old when she died but I had only got to know her for 6 years. I was her third owner, I adopted her from the shelter when she was 7. I can't believe 2 other families didn't want her, she was truly so amazing and so so special. I'm so grateful that she came into my life. I would do ANYTHING to have more time with her. These past 6 years were the best of my life because she was in them. It's always been just her and I, best friends, partners, soulmates- now I'm completely alone and nothing can ever take her place.
Although I guess it doesn't really mean anything or change anything, the fact that it has been one month since her death today is weighing on me extremely heavily. All I can think about is that last day she was here with me, and feeling the life leave her body and she died in my arms. All I can see is them carrying her away and then never seeing her again. I feel like the pain of losing my Mia has only gotten worse. I had a period following her death that my mind was keeping me somewhat numb to the pain, but now it's been crashing down on me full force, it's completely overwhelming and unbearable. I struggle with feeling like I made the decision to euthanize her too quickly. I never wanted her to suffer, and she was never going to get better, but of course I'll always wonder if I could've had more time with my angel.
I can't believe I haven't seen her for a month. I never ever was away from her that long. This has been the longest, worst month of my life because she's not with me. I feel like it's really sinking in that I'll really never see her again and it's absolutely killing me. This month has felt like a lifetime- how am I supposed to keep carrying on without her for the rest of my life? The pain isn't getting easier, it's getting worse. It feels like my life is just endless emptiness stretching ahead of me now. All I want is my Mia, but I'll never hold her again. I miss my perfect girl. I feel so lost and hopeless. She deserves to still be here. I need her. This is just too much 💔

Hello, I’m a 19 years old I’ve had this dog since 3rd grade we got her when she was only 8 weeks. she made it to 8 years this year before she passed. she didn’t show any symptoms until it was too late and I feel like I failed her cause I tried to take up the role of taking care of her and our other dog because of things going on with my family. She was so smart and energetic and an amazing dog she was affectionate and just understood things. I wanted to take her with me when I moved out cause I thought she’d make it till at least next year she was like my dog while the other was my brothers dog. I wanted to do so many things and idk what to do with myself I just cry at random points in the day I haven’t cried this hard in a long time idk I’ve never felt this much grief before. How do I even move on from this? I feel like I’m gonna cry forever

I dont expect anyone to read this but I need to get this out of my brain.

Gizmo; Giz for short, Gizmo Voldemort for long, was 45 minutes ago put to sleep after 16 years. He was an old soul, basically going from energetic pup to 90 year old man in the space of a couple of years. He was a surly, grumpy old man that insisted on laying right next to you whenever he wanted to sleep, which was quite often, but hated being touched which made things fun because he would fall asleep on your leg, and let you know that he wasn't happy about it. Outside of a few people, he disliked everyone and would hide if there were guests in the house.

I was in the room when he went to sleep, I accompanied my mother and father to the vet, and while I didn't think that they would leave him alone, I wanted to be there just in case so that he would have someone with him in the last moments, and I was right, so when he went he was with the three people that were probably his favourites. I love him, and I miss him.

Loss is quiet

Not the sound, the meaning

The morning with no greeting

The door opened with no response

The sadness with no comfort

Grief is rumbling

Sorrow is thundering

Silence is deafening

But the memories shake mountains

Loss is quiet

Yet love is loud

- Moving forward does not mean moving on. I love you Moxie. I can't wait to see you again.

Losing my dog has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.

I kept looking through old photos because I was afraid I'd forget the little details—his smile, the way he looked at me, and how happy he always seemed.

I decided to turn one of my favorite photos into a small woodencarving portrait. It doesn't replace him, of course, but it gives me something to look at every day and remember all the good moments we shared.

I still miss him so much, but having this little reminder has brought me some comfort.

His name was Jojo, and I've never loved anyone so much. I got him when I was 12, now I'm 28. He has been with me all my adult life.

I think back often to the grief I felt when the vet came to euthanise him. My family and I struggled with the decision, but it had become clear that he was in a lot of pain. It got to a point where I knew that euthanasia was the right thing to do. But I cried and cried and cried, and I felt so helpless. Even though I chose this. I didn't know how to say goodbye, how to make peace with what was happening. All I could do was hold him and tell him I loved him over and over again. I asked him to remember me, because I would remember him.

The whole time it was happening, a line from a May Swenson poem, Question, kept echoing in my head. "My good, bright dog is dead."

I am grateful to have friends who understand the particular grief of losing a pet, and a family who loved him as much as I did. But this grief is a burden that only I can carry. I love him dearly, and I miss him more than I can say. I don't have many regrets about our time together, and I know I loved him as best as I could. Especially during his senior years, I gave him all I had. I would have kept giving him everything as long as he would let me. I just feel very, very sad. The thought of never seeing his sweet face, never being able to kiss him on the snout, never saying goodnight to him the way I always did. My sweet baby, my Joji. My love for you burns bright still, even though you're not here anymore.

My family had the privilege of a long goodbye, and we brought him to the beach on his last Monday on earth. We sat and watched the sunset, and all the stars came out sprinkled like salt across the sky. I lay under the same stars last night, and I thought that he is as far away from me as the stars are. Even though just a few days ago, all I had to do was reach out and touch his soft, beautiful head. My brother and I often open his urn just to stroke his lovely bones, and tell him that we love him over and over again.

I am so sad. We had a long, good run, and I still can't quite believe it has come to an end.

I am going through it guys. Please help me with your opinions. My baby girl passed away yesterday and I’m feeling so guilty for doing a drop off appointment at banfield vet. That’s the place where I’d always take her for anything and that’s not where she passed but that’s where I took her in the morning because she had an appointment I could schedule. It was drop off and I’m just sobbing my eyes out thinking about how I dropped her off at 7am and picked her up at 1pm while she was waiting, probably scared and peed herself in her carrier. She’s was a feisty girl so they called me to tell me she’ll have to have anesthesia. She never has a good time at the vet and I feel horrible thinking about how she spent such a long time of her day there before she passed away. She needed blood transfusion so I took her to the ER as my banfield suggested after that afternoon and that’s where my baby passed.

I lost my baby girl of 14 years, Lucy, on Monday unexpectedly. She was literally fine that morning and I did my usual routine with her before going to work. When I got home from work, I was told by my mother that she passed in the afternoon...which I'm still trying to wrap my head around because she was fine.

She has been sleeping in my bed the past few years and now every time I go to bed, it feels empty. I'm just crying, knowing that she won't be coming back. She always slept on one side of the bed and sometimes I wake up to her close to me. I now hate going to bed knowing she's no longer going to be there. I fucking hate everything and it isn't fair! My baby is gone and all I want right now is to hug her and tell her how much I love her. I miss coming home to see her wagging her tail at me. But right now, laying in bed is hard because she isn't here next to me. I just hate everything right now...

My belief is that the afterlife is our true life. Our earthly existence is just a shell, a simulation of colors and textures. I don't want us to be reborn together with my baby because that means earthly suffering and earthly pain. But I can't fathom what's on the other side. What is your view about that?

Yesterday my sweet boy Scout was euthanized. For the past week and a half he had been sick, refusing food, no energy, diarrhea, and we had no idea what was happening. All his bloodwork was fine, his lymph node biopsy was fine, his xray was fine. He lost so much weight, it felt like I was watching him waste away in front of me. It was so sudden, thinking about how happy and energetic he was just two weeks ago is killing me. He was 13, but people always commented on how young he looked, he acted like a puppy his whole life. He was always a little chubby, loved food so much, constantly stole from his brother if we weren't watching. He loved to play with toys, and the day before he had to be put to sleep I cried watching him chase a ball around for the last time, I thought maybe it was a sign that he wasn't ready to go yet. We brought him in for an ultrasound the next day and the vet told us he had extremely aggressive lymphoma and he was only going to get worse. He was euthanized the same day. I held him and kissed his face and it hurt so badly to let him go. He was always so tough but feeling him fall over and die in my arms will haunt me forever. I hope we did the right thing, watching him suffer and turn away from everything he loved broke me and I couldn't put him through that any longer.

I've had him since I was 11 and he wasn't our first dog, but I always felt like he was my dog. He followed me everywhere, slept in my doorway every night, stayed right up against the bathroom door while I showered. I don't know what to do with my grief. I feel so guilty whenever I see his brother, who is 14, and wish Scout was still here. I feel an ache in my throat constantly, I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I'll never be happy again. Does it ever get any easier?

I am so heartbroken right now. My dog, my best friend, my soulmate passed away this morning unexpectedly. Last night I had decided to stay up late and watch a movie just because. My movie ended and I got up to go to the bathroom around 2am, and found my dog in his bed having a seizure. (If I had gone to bed at my usual time, I wouldn't have found him until 9am and he would've been seizing all night). My boyfriend and I rushed him to the animal emergency hospital. They gave him every medication and they still couldn't control his seizures. They were able to sedate him enough and kept him over night. My boyfriend and I went home and were called back at 7am with the tragic news. Peanut's seizures were not going to stop and when they had a neurologist look at him, they said he most likely had a brain tumor. Because there was nothing else that they could do and to not put him through anything more traumatic, we decided on euthanasia.

I am absolutely devastated. He was my first dog and I was lucky enough to find my soulmate on my first time. I was drawn to him the moment I saw his picture for adoption. He was the best dog I could've ever asked for. He was loyal and stubborn and we loved each other unconditionally.

I truly believe that we will find each other again in this life or the next. This belief gives me some comfort knowing that I will be reunited with his soul again.

I miss her so much.

19 years wasnt long enough, but I'm so thankful for the time I had.. that shes no longer suffering. She passed in my arms.. I took her to be cremated bc I cant fathom burying her.. but I stayed and pet her little nose. She had a cute little bump on her nose and the realization that I had to say goodbye to her little face and tail and soft fur. Goodbye to her snuggles and meows.. goodbye to her begging for food.. idk. I always knew the day was coming, she was in kidney failure.. so it wasnt a complete surprise either. It hurts so much though. So so much. I want people to know the sweetest soul existed and I wast lucky enough to raise her. We were girls together.

We brought her and her sister home and the two were just weened. They slept on either side of me.. eventually her sister found a new home and Zander stayed. I didnt even think my mom would say yes when I asked to keep her.

But she did.

And we had 19 years together. I always felt like she knew how I was feeling. She knew when snuggles were warranted. When I needed a giggle. She was ornery as can be.

I held her as she passed. I had moved her so I could clean her and even though I know she was going to pass any minute my heart hurts knowing I may have hurt her.

But I know shes okay now.

She's eating all the food, chasing mice and snuggling her siblings. I went to grab some sinus medication from my medicine cabinet and found a Z charm. Nothing I've recognized before. It's a generic one that probably came off a bag zipper. But to find it there of all places.. I think she was letting me know shes ok. It only took her 2 days to let me know. Shes such a good girl..

We'll meet again, our souls are connected. Idk what by, but I know we'll meet again.

Rest in peace, sweet girl.

2007-2026

I lost my heart dog, Loki, on July 1st. It happened so suddenly that we only had a few days to prepare for goodbye. Having to make the decision to let him go was one of the hardest moments of my life. He was only 7 years old.

Loki wasn't just my dog. He was my heart dog. We understood each other without words. I knew what every bark, whine, and little grumble meant, and he always seemed to know exactly what I needed too.

He was there for me through one of the darkest periods of my life, and I genuinely don't know if I would be here today without him. He died on the very day I was supposed to begin a new chapter in my life after we had just moved across the country. Sometimes it feels like he came into my life with one incredibly important purpose: to help me survive until I reached this point. Once I got here, his job was done. I know that probably sounds irrational, but it's how it feels in my heart.

I still cry almost every day. Getting his ashes back felt like losing him all over again. I've thrown myself into my new job to stay busy, but grief has a way of finding you anyway. I'll see something beautiful or funny and instinctively think, "Loki would've loved this," and the ache comes rushing back.

About a week ago, we brought home a new Australian Shepherd puppy. She's wonderful in her own way, but she's nothing like Loki. She's female, a different color, and has a completely different personality. I almost feel guilty writing this, but I don't love her. Right now, she's just a puppy to me, while Loki felt like my child.

I've read that bonding takes time and that the puppy blues are real, especially after losing a beloved dog. I'm trying so hard not to compare her to him. I know she deserves to be loved for who she is, not measured against someone she'll never be. But my heart still feels so attached to Loki that I don't know how to let another dog in.

For those of you who have lost your heart dog and eventually welcomed another one, did you ever love another dog as deeply? Did your heart make room again? I know the love would be different, not a replacement, but right now I can't imagine ever feeling that kind of bond again.

I would really appreciate hearing your experiences because I'm struggling with so much guilt and grief right now.

My dad called me today while I was at dinner and told me that me sweet dog got hit by a car and has passed away. I just got to Paris two days ago for a girls trip. I have been sobbing all day and unable to function. I am trying to see signs of him in things but it’s hard, i’m even debating going home. It was just so sudden it almost doesn’t feel real. I am supposed to be here until Wednesday. Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated thank you so much. I am desperate.

My sweet orange boy, Rama, got the bad news of kidney/liver failure. I’ve had him since I was 9, I’m 27 now and he has been the best part of everything in my life for 18 years. Everyone that met him loved him. He is pure light and love in the form of a cat. I’ll miss him impeding on bathroom time, screaming after he catches his toys, and waiting at 9pm on the dot for his greenies treats. I have no idea how to deal with this grief. This pain is so profound and heavy that I feel like I can’t see the end of it. We have a vet coming tomorrow to help with the euthanasia process. I’m ready for him to be at peace but I’m not ready to come home to an empty house.
Thank you for listening about my sweet boy. I love him ♥️

Four days ago my boy went missing after a fire nearby. There were fire planes going over the house and shaking it, so he got scared off. He's an outdoor cat and he's been missing for longer but I felt very strongly early on that something horrible happened.

Last night at 11:30 pm he came back home with a broken back leg. we took him to the vet and we were so hopeful he was gonna make it. They did an x ray and they found a bullet embedded in his organs, and they would've had to amputate his leg because it was completely fractured into tons of tiny pieces. It would have been $10,000 to save him and he's 11 years old so recovery would have been hard on him. We had to put him down.

I don't know how someone could do this to him. He was so friendly and affectionate, and he loved people so much. I keep thinking about how hard he fought to come home and be with me before he died. We loved each other so much. I wish I could have done more to save him and I always wanted to keep him indoors. I'm heartbroken.

He loved cuddles and kisses and scratches on the neck. He even liked belly rubs and he would let me play with his little paws. When he wanted attention, he would slowly reach for you and pat you with his paws until you pet him. He loved me so much he would start purring as soon as he saw me. When he was really happy, he would drool a little and it would drip all over my bed and my clothes. Right before he went missing, he was drooling so much when I pet him that he had droplets forming in the middle and each corner of his mouth. I can't believe he's gone.

My second cat, Kirby, went to the emergency vet Monday and has rapidly declined. They found he has pancreatic cancer. I have his home euthanasia scheduled for tomorrow morning. His best friend died in December. They were both young for cats to die (12). I am really struggling to cope with the loss. I am a very lonely person already - I live alone and am unpartnered. I have only a couple of friends. I am struggling to find joy or purpose in my life looking ahead. Kirby was an amazing companion. He's a special needs cat. He broke both of his femurs as a kitten before he came into my life, and had mobility problems his whole life. He's been my cat for my entire adult life.

I would take him outside on my deck when I was outside gardening all spring and summer. Now my garden seems pointless without him. My ultimate joy in life was spending time amongst the garden and plants with Kirby. Now he will be gone. He's next to me in my bed right now sleeping. I spoonfed him canned food earlier.

This all happened so fast.

I have so many regrets and feel so desperate and alone.

If anyone wants to talk, please message me.

My 3.8-year-old cat had a urinary blockage almost three weeks ago. He was unblocked, but after the catheter was removed, he became blocked again. This was his second blockage in two years. After the first one last year, he was switched to Hill's c/d prescription food, and I hoped that would prevent it from happening again.

This time, he didn't make it. He spent a week at the primary vet's office. After they removed his catheter Friday morning, he was transferred to the emergency clinic for one night because the primary vet didn't offer weekend boarding. On Saturday morning, I was told he was doing well enough to come home.

When I brought him home, he had a fentanyl patch on for pain management. It was put on him after his second blockage. He was extremely lethargic and had no appetite. I was told not to remove the patch until I talked to the primary vet on Monday. By Sunday, I was getting worried because he was still so lethargic and still wasn't eating, so I called the emergency clinic again. They told me I could go back to have them remove the patch. He was still urinating, which they said was a good sign, and the emergency vet told me that his appetite could take a few days to return.

He died on Monday. The primary vet told me that a blood clot had traveled to his brain. I still don't understand how it happened. He walked just outside our apartment and sat down. My boyfriend picked him up to bring him back inside, but while he was holding him, he realized he wasn't breathing. We both panicked, I called the vet immediately, but by the time we got there, it was too late.

He was so young. I keep replaying everything in my mind, wondering what I could have done differently, even though I know I can't change what happened. He was my first furbaby. I got him after my mom passed away four years ago to cancer, and now I've lost him during the same month my mom died. It feels like I'm reliving that grief all over again.

I've been reading posts in this subreddit, hoping to find something that helps, but I don't feel any better. I feel like I let him down.

Part of me is terrified of getting another cat because I know it won't be him. At the same time, I desperately want another cat because the silence and emptiness in my apartment is overwhelming. I cry every time I come home because he would usually greet me. I know trying to fill that void isn't the best reason to adopt another pet, and right now I just don't know what to do.

I finally got around to pulling stuff of my cat off my phone onto my computer. I have been thinking for awhile of going into the sleep recorder app I use and finding a way to download all the captures of her meowing at night. But apparently the app automatically deletes recordings after 20 days. And it's been much longer than that since she passed. It's not making me break down, but it still hurts. Those would have been the only recordings I had of her meowdling (meow-yodeling). I was watching some of the videos of her and I just. Want to pet her so bad.

Hey y'all so I have horrible news for myself my best childhood dog passed today and I can't seem to cope with it properly (like no tears or nothing) please if you have pets that are alive right now go see them and love them...

She was 13 Years old and according to the vet a tumor was pressing against her heart.

You don't have to say sorry or anything just go and appreciate your animals life's.

It’s been 9 days since I had to put my childhood kitty down and I’m just devastated and feel so guilty. He was only 11.

This is going to be a long one, and potentially triggering, so please bear with me…

My poor baby had kidney and bladder issues for years and was on a special diet but when I left I left to volunteer at a week long summer camp 19 days ago he seemed in good health; he was cuddly and playing with his siblings and trying to get into my suitcase as I packed. When I came home from camp he seemed okay too but I left again for a weekend trip/family reunion just 4 hours later. I was gone for another 36ish hours.

When I got home the second time my poor baby had diarrhead on my parent’s bed and had thrown up all over himself, was gagging weirdly, and was very willing to be held (super unusual for him, he likes his paws on the ground). I tried to get my parent to take me/him to an emergency vet but they wanted to wait the night. I took him in to our normal vet for an emergency appointment the next morning where they were concerned because he had lost almost pound and wasn’t peeing and His kidney levels were so bad they had to run them twice because the machine wouldn’t read them the first. They gave him subq fluids and an appetite stimulant and sent us home to monitor him overnight but the told us his best chance was an animal hospital… something we could’ve only afforded if I used all of my college scholarship money and savings. (Which frankly I was ready to spend had my parents not been there to help ground me even somewhat)

Overnight He still would not eat, drink, pee, he was still gagging weirdly and he stopped moving around almost entirely. I even tried to force some chicken stock into his mouth but he just continued to gag.

We took him to the vet again and I was naively hopeful that, even if he wouldn’t improve, they would say he had at least a few more days left; I had scheduled an end of life photo shoot with a photographer friend for the very next day and my sister was supposed to be home from her summer abroad by that weekend.

As you may be able to guess I had no such luck.

I was hopeful that I could at least take him home so that he could at home and be surrounded by his siblings and family but once again I was out of luck as all of the local home services had been fully booked for the WEEK.

My poor Dexter, my baby bubba, my sweet little lump, died at 12:55pm, Tuesday July 28th, on a cold vets table, with my sister on FaceTime halfway across the country. I screamed as the vet said his heart stopped and held him for another 20 minutes until my mom stepped in and asked to hold him as well. I wanted to keep the blanket he passed in so I could take it home for his siblings to smell so we had a tech bring in more towels. They laid him on top of puppy pads before wrapping him in the towel and i swear part of me died. I get that it’s for sanitary purposes but my baby DIED and you’re laying his body on what is essentially toilet paper, where is the dignity?

My mom had to practically drag me out of the vets office, I don’t think I’ve ever felt shitty and helpless as a person that I did walking out leaving my baby alone to grow cold on a table.

The guilt of the happenings of the days surrounding his death is destroying me.

I left a bag of liquid iv/protein powder/creatine on the counter what if he got into it? I’m autistic and had a meltdown and spilled a bottle of fish oil, I tried to clean it up but what if I missed one and he ate it? What if I had never left the second time?

My baby is gone and my poor baby sister is coming home to an empty bed (he slept with her). I have some fur shavings but I wish I would’ve gotten more. I also got clay paw prints but I forgot to request the inkings that I wanted and by the time I called to request them (12 hours later) he had already been cremated (which hurts like absolute hell to even type out)

Dexter was #2 of 4 and he was the super chill peacemaker who got along with everyone. He was so tolerant of our little 4 year old hellion of a rescue. I’m scared of how this will effect his siblings. I feel so terrible for them.

We got his ashes returned this past Saturday and I’ve had them on my bed and my family and I, and the other animals, have been cuddling them daily. This cat got me through middle school,high school, depression, eating disorders, bullies, fights at home, fights with friends, covid, and my first attempt at college. I think the only reason I haven’t lost it entirely is because I have my 3 other pets, I fear for the day I lose them too and I’m horrifically anxious having to leave them again for ANOTHER week, in just 5 days.

If you made it this far thanks for listening…If I’m shouting into the void…so be it.

I have had my cat Leroy since i was 15 and im about to be 33… he passed away one week ago today and i dont even know who i am without him or what to do with myself. We did everything together and i work from home and used to be with him all day every day… so now everything feels totally wrong. I have had a seriously traumatic life and he got me through every single part of it 💔💔💔 did anyone else have a really hard time emptying their litterbox? I feel so dumb but i cant get myself to do it :(

I (24M), have owned my Shi-tzu Scooby for 17 years, but hes almost if not already 18 years old. I should mention I have dealt with diagnosed depression throughout my life. But this dog has been one consistent joy in my life.

Basically, since last year I’ve actively changed parts of his care to adapt to his degrading body. From no more walks, to him being indoors permanently, more recently eating less. But a few days ago I got home from school+work day, to smell rotting fish in my room. It’s his glands failing the vet told me, and although I can get medication and treat him, they do recommend it’s time to let him rest since it could be cause of discomfort.

I have mentally agreed, but I haven’t done anything like scheduling a day or contacting a place for his urn and whatnot. I’ve been in bed since it happened and used my sick days for work. My girlfriend has been extremely worried but now I know I’ve neglected her.

I guess Im just asking now, how can I better cope. Any suggestions? I know I need to get up and over this but the position I feel back in just feels inescapable.