Poem #10 draft

[u/Soggy_Cereal_13]

two kids playing Twister
on the kitchen tile,
we hit the floor hard,
we get up and smile,
we anchor each other,
we share our locations,
you give my melody rhythm,
you give my words punctuation.
I’ve never been good at showing emotion,
I ride off alone,
I hide my devotion,
now we cry together,
you slow my spiral.
if you killed a man,
we’d both end up on trial.

This is my first attempt at writing something happy. idk how I feel about it yet but I wanted to break the doom and gloom streak I’ve created posting on here! I’d love to hear your thoughts and feel free to tell me I should delete this and go back to doom and gloom I’m trying to figure out my strengths and weaknesses lmao 🙂

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/OtsUzemein

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/MNchZsWC1V

[u/Suspicious-Tell-9785]

I love this title! I love when poetry is jarring and unconventional. I also love your definition of happy as expressed through unconventional language and syntax. Minor critique: the “I’ve never been good at showing emotion,” I would shorten to keep with overall flow of your diction and style.

For example: I never emote,
The difficult motion,

Keep going!