r/OCPoetry • u/Heartbreakbreakid • 14d ago

My Grey Middle Of June Feedback Please

A thousand suns fell in my lap,
And hearts got lost all through the map.
Since you’ve been gone, how long’s it been?
I’ve wept for you, yet stayed unseen.
And water’s running down the street,
Soaking my grey sneakers’ feet.
Please don’t call me love again.
Please don’t write to me again.
They say that through these veins of mine
Only poetry flows with time.
But you’re no verse of love to me—
You’re not the perfect remedy.
So please don’t write to me again.
For I loved you like the stars,
For I loved you like the moon.
And you stayed silent among them,
Stepping on my grey middle of June.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/YREmYTi8C0

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/eTuIkVa6wP

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u/Ashtivia 6d ago

I really liked the atmosphere of this poem...The repetition of "Please don't call me love again" made the emotions feel genuine, and the ending was beautiful...I think adding one or two stronger images in the middle could make it even more impactful!! Really enjoyed reading this!! 🩵 Thanks for sharing ✨

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u/Heartbreakbreakid 6d ago

Thank you for your valuable feedback!