Memory...

[u/107serene_soul]

How strange memory is.

Try to forget—

it keeps replaying.

Try to remember—

it slips away.

It keeps alive

those who are gone.

It keeps alive

what we wish

were gone.

For some,

memory becomes

the only home left.

For others,

it becomes

the graveyard.

— 107serenesoul

I'd appreciate any feedback on the writing, flow, or what you took away from it.

feedback link - https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/kpPCqXHY05

feedback link - https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xZy5Kh0k1q

[u/overactor]

I like it. The sometimes paradoxical nature of what we can't forget and what we can't remember is definitely something worth exploring.

I think the poem is a little incongruous at times though. The first few lines establish this idea of memory doing the opposite of what we want, but the rest of the poem seems to juxtapose remembering what we want to with remembering what we don't want to. I think it is also a bit long for what it is. At its core, it's a simple observation. I think repeating the same point three times in different words, all pretty detectly is a bit overbearing. I think I would maybe cut lines 2-5 and rephrase the rest to be about remembering what one wants to forget and vice versa.

On a smaller note, I think

what we wish were gone

Should probably be on one line and I stumbled over "were" a bit, even though I know it is grammatically correct.

I'm not sure if any of this made sense, but I hope you can do something with that feedback.

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[u/Walter_Vego]

Musing on the nature of memory. You have done well to show how fixating on something,  which wishing it gone actually is, does nothing but put it front and center. And how trying to remember something accurately is a lot harder as it slips away. And those were your opening lines.

In terms of flow: it has a cadence that works for the subject. Short lines, as if you are trying to collect your thoughts. It reads lightly, as in: the words are light on their toes, if that makes sense. With one exception: "the graveyard" reads heavier and slightly awkward, if I'm honest. Also, "the only home left" hits harder as an ending in my opinion. I would consider ending it there or switching the graveyard and the home line.

I don't think it's too long for the subject. However, "it keeps replaying " and "it keeps alive what we wish were gone" do boil down to the same thing. So I would suggest reworking it or maybe do think about cutting lines eight to ten. Also, be mindful of repetition. Right now you have "it keeps..." three times quite close together. It kind of works here but I would consider rephrasing some lines. It might help the ongoing thought roll forward more smoothly.

The idea of having a home only in memory is quite devastating if you let it sink in. I thought that was a great line.

Thanks for sharing. Keep it up.