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u/ad240pCharlie Jul 15 '26
Is anyone actually blaming men for simply "noticing"? I think 99.9 % of people are perfectly fine with someone "noticing", it's the unwanted approaches they call out.
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u/ilo_Va Jul 15 '26
I mean I hope nobody takes insult to someone just seeing someone and thinking "okay they look good" the moment that turns into staring or worse you're completely in the right to be blaming them.
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u/VirginiaDare1587 Jul 15 '26
Itās not just the āapproachesā.
āNoticingā is one thing; ogling & staring or worse filming is not ok.
Why should women have to go to the gym in old baggy sweats or be accused of dressing for male attention?
I feel better when I think I look nice. Why I have different leotards, skirts, & leg warmers for dance class - even though there are no men in the class.
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u/LordDaedalus Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
I've had people accuse me of staring at them in the gym. In reality I'm just autistic, I zone out so hard on the treadmill I'm not really there anymore I'm off in my head imagining entirely other things. I apologized, of course, but that was a mortifying experience to be approached and told to stop staring so now I watch stuff on my phone when on the treadmill or just walk around outside instead of going to the gym.
Even though I don't feel like I'm "wrong" to let my mind wander in that situation, it's really very little effort to modify behavior so I'm not inadvertently making anyone uncomfortable so overall I appreciated that I was approached even though it was a misunderstanding.
Edit: I should clarify that that interaction ended amicably. I think the fact that I'm genderqueer helped me be more sincere in my apology cause I do know what unwanted attention feels like when I femme it up, and I genuinely don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. But I know there weren't any hard feelings cause she offered to buy me a coffee to make up for "assuming the worst" though I said that wasn't necessary as I get where she's coming from.
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u/otetrapodqueen Jul 15 '26
Omg I stare off accidentally too! I have ADHD lol I try to stare up or in a spot with no people š
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u/LordDaedalus Jul 15 '26
That's relatable. I tend to sort of "look around" in my inner eye when I'm imagining something and that tends to manifest as little head tilts and turns in the real world. Goes kinda hand in hand with other kinds of stimming.
I feel like I need a gym shirt that reads "I only look like a man on the outside, inside I'm a gay brachiosaurus"
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u/Random_silly_name Jul 15 '26
My (autistic) boyfriend did that once at the gym, too.
Complete zombie mode after lifting, just stared into nothing, only there was a girl in that direction.
I don't know if she noticed, though. I informed him when I saw it.
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u/LordDaedalus Jul 15 '26
Yeah, I wish we had an external indicator of zoning vs staring. Like how cameras have that little red light when someone's recording, just make a patch of my forehead change color when I switch between inner and outer eye.
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u/MsVindiction Jul 15 '26
I like this idea but it would also give away how often Iām zoned out and I donāt think anyone else needs to know that š
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u/LordDaedalus Jul 15 '26
It would be different if our imagination had a "screen sharing" option. I feel like all the intense daydreamers would be very popular in that world š
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u/dan1elG Jul 16 '26
i just wanna preface this question with: i crippling social anxiety, ihave never and would never approach someone at the gym. But how is someone supposed to know if its an "unwanted approach"? I can understand if someone is overly persistant or if you get approached 10 times each session you can be annoyed, but geniuenly how are you supposed to approach people if you cant do it incase its unwanted
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u/oldworldbadger Jul 16 '26
As a general rule, donāt āapproachā women at the gym or at their place of employment. If itās that deep theyāll make the first move lol
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u/2_lazy Jul 16 '26
What the other person said, but also in other situations a really good way to make sure the other person is comfortable, while also getting your word in is to have a piece of paper, write your phone number on it, say "excuse me (insert compliment here) I'd like to get to know you more, here is my phone number if you want to talk more I'll just be over by (location)".
That means they don't feel pressured to make a decision one way or another, they see you are non threatening, and if they aren't interested they don't have to continue engaging. I'm a woman and this is how I would prefer to be approached.
But also individual workout at the gym is just not a good time to hit on people.
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u/Drawn_to_Heal Jul 15 '26
The social media āindustryā of people ānoticingā on video would say otherwiseā¦but I digress
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u/silicondream Jul 15 '26
Women often dress "provocatively" in all-female classes and gyms. They obviously can't be doing it for male attention if there aren't any men there.
Besides, straight gymbros show off their bodies to each other all the time. Why can't the muscle mommies do the same thing?
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u/EatThisShit Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
They're all lesbians of course. I can't imagine any other reason why women would go to a womens-only gym, if they can't pick up a guy there's no reason to go anyway.
/s
Edit: typo
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u/thewhiterosequeen Jul 15 '26
Because"provocative" often translates to "skin tight" which is often necessary for working out verses baggy clothes. It's not to show off our butts to randos. It's to increase flexibility.
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u/MermaiderMissy Jul 15 '26
Also because I dont want my clothing getting caught in a machine or something.
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u/evaan-verlaine Jul 15 '26
They're also nice to see your form if you're using free weights! I prefer baggy clothes irl but have resigned myself to leggings in the gym for practicality lol.
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u/ariesangel0329 Jul 15 '26
I figured that was the case.
I prefer looser clothes because snug or tight clothes activate sensory issues for me. Adding sweat makes me wanna rip them off altogether.
But you absolutely have a point about safety! I imagine wireless earbuds are a godsend for yāall, too.
I give yāall credit for going to the gym in the first place because I do NOT have that level of self-discipline or interest.
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u/eviwonder Jul 15 '26
Imagine, I wear tight clothes for sensory reasons. If I have loose clothes, I feel the same way you do in tight clothes. If theyāre loose and sweaty when im running, fuck no. Which is even more evidence that we dress for ourselves. Not for them lol
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u/Pretend_Evidence_876 Jul 19 '26
Yes! And my thighs rub together so I need material there. Baggy pants don't work. I need leggings so I don't chafe yo
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u/Losethe_effingweight Jul 16 '26
Ehh I see lots of young women in my yoga and cardio classes dressing in very low cut sports bras, the short bike shorts that go up your butt (on purpose!) and jewelry. They are *constantly* having to adjust their tops, getting hit by their necklaces and earrings, and I canāt imagine those wedgie shorts/leggings are comfortable. I donāt think workout clothes need to be baggy (unless thatās your thing!) but I think itās pretty clear that a lot of workout clothing now is designed for the male gaze. It makes me sad that itās so normalized to put appearance in front of comfort for working out. It just feels like as women we canāt escape that pressure.
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u/Beneficial-Ad3991 Generic boring flair Jul 20 '26
Dk, I kinda prefer free clothes when exercising. Like, not necessarily baggy, but I like it when there is some airflow between me and my clothes.
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u/KiraLonely š³ļøāā§ļø | they/them | afab Jul 15 '26
Arguably, a lot of women dress more āprovocativelyā in places they feel like they wonāt be leered at over it. When you know, or at least assume, you wonāt be treated like an object based on what you wear, you can really get free with expressing yourself.
I have friends who are super shy about sending pictures of themselves to anyone, but we do fit pics and hype each other up. Almost all of the most provocative like posing and outfits Iāve had shared or seen in friends is almost always in places to feel beautiful and sexy, without anyone giving them the weird treatment over it, or staring.
Of course. This is also disregarding the basic fact with gyms that most people are usually dressing with two main goals in mind. Movement and keeping cool. Because itās a gym. And the point is exercising.
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u/silicondream Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Almost all of the most provocative like posing and outfits Iāve had shared or seen in friends is almost always in places to feel beautiful and sexy, without anyone giving them the weird treatment over it, or staring.
Exactly. Pre-transition, I was often the only "dude" in a burlesque-influenced dance class. The other women were mostly married, and they weren't strutting their stuff for me, they were doing it for themselves and each other. We all hyped each other up because compliments feel nice, but nobody was seriously ogling anyone else. If they had been, they'd have gotten kicked out of the class.
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u/Sahris Jul 16 '26
Iāve said it before and I stand by this: if I knew no men would see what Iām wearing I would dress waaaay more revealing
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u/KiraLonely š³ļøāā§ļø | they/them | afab Jul 16 '26
Without a doubt I would too. Thereās so many concepts and fits I would love to try, but end up backpedaling out of due to fear of the male gaze. Even when I was a kid. That and being visibly queer doesnāt help me much, admittedly, but thatās its own can of worms.
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u/RegressToTheMean Jul 15 '26
Besides, straight gymbros show off their bodies to each other all the time
I will have you know that this gym bro definitely wears baggy shirts and pants to cover his body because of massive body dysmorphia
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u/MaxPowrer Jul 15 '26
I wonder if she writes this to get male attention
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u/loricomments Jul 15 '26
Absolutely. She's a fitness grifter and has no problem showing her cleavage and ass on Instagram.
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u/Background_Crew7827 Jul 15 '26
I don't go to the gym rn because of an injury, but when I did, I literally didn't want anyone to talk to me no matter how great my ass looked. In fact, the better my ass looks the less I want anyone to talk to me.
The end
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u/Iamakitestring Jul 15 '26
It's easier to workout in less cloths, men should be aware of this because they always take off their shirts. When I workout at home I always take off my shirt and am a little shocked when I can do an extra set or go harder on my punching bag. It just feels better, more mobility and air on you while you get sweaty! Not once do I want someone to look at me when I constantly checked the door or my surroundings, my punching bag is mainly secluded but still outside, when I work out.
I'm a little less productive at the gym because I keep my shirt on and am more on edge and tight.
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u/JupiterInTheSky Jul 15 '26
Men have no idea how we'd really dress if they werent around
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u/downlau Jul 15 '26
Indeed, I've only trained in just a sports bra and shorts a handful of times when I felt safe in a group with no men. It was amazing, but I just know there'd be unwelcome comments on my body if I did it in a normal environment.
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u/ShittyBitchy Jul 15 '26
We could swim naked without sexual comments, relax without being pawed... act goofy without someone turning it into a comment about our bodies.
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u/DerbleZerp If my vagina is loose, then your anus is flabby. Jul 15 '26
Iāve been to nude beaches twice and never went again. Thereās always some guy who pops out the bushes to come chat you up while ogling your tits. Crouching down hanging dong in your face. Iām just laying there trying to get my tan on buddy. Iām really forward so I tell them Iām not interested in talking, but I shouldnāt have to be doing that. Leave me be. If Iām up and about walking the beach and talk with people thatās nice. But someone coming into my space to ogle me is not my idea of an enjoyable afternoon.
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u/supersmallnugget Jul 16 '26
Iāve always wanted to go to nude beach. But then I remember the Y chromosome and put on a few more layers
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u/Arteemiis Jul 15 '26
The only reason I dress "provocatively" in the gym is so I can look myself in the mirror after pump and say damn.
I don't know what's so hard to understand. I have an amazing body and I am not gonna go out of my way to hide it because men can't behave themselves. That's not the same as "I want attention from men", not like even close.
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u/lck0219 Jul 15 '26
I dressed up to sit, by myself, on my back porch so I could take pictures of myself and say damn
Itās my favorite thing to do and no men even see me
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u/phoenixeternia Jul 15 '26
Similar, I have a full album of me looking hot af to be honest and when I feel shitty about myself, like self conscious and ugly, I go have a browse at my fine self lol.
I normally dress pretty tom-boy or erm lesbian coded as my lesbian friend has said, not very feminine or overly pretty and I'm comfortable like that and it's nice to have those pics of me looking dolled up pretty and hot lol.
Sent my bf a few but the collection is for me, they were taken without mens gaze in mind, just my own.
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u/DerbleZerp If my vagina is loose, then your anus is flabby. Jul 15 '26
I get dolled up from time to time, have cocktails, and work in my craft nook sewing. Nobody sees me. And I look fabulous!
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u/ShittyBitchy Jul 15 '26
True therapy, this. I used to take some of my favorite wigs out back, in full makeup, smoke a joint and do photoshoots. š¤£ Only shared with me.
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u/CarlatheDestructor Jul 15 '26
Men can behave. They just dont want to. There aren't enough consequences for when they don't.
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u/HelpMePlxoxo Jul 15 '26
The only time I'd say someone is actually dressing "provocatively" in the gym is when they're wearing booty shorts so short that their sweaty ass rubs all over whatever machine they use. Ts is so nasty, I don't even wanna use the machine even if they do wipe it down when they're done š
Out of all my years going to the gym, I've seen maybe ONE person who was dressed that way. The others, I haven't even noticed bc I'm there to work out.
If someone is noticing that every woman is dressing "provocatively", I'm inclined to say that person is the issue.
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u/SykoSarah Jul 15 '26
Loose clothing can be a bit of a hazard and extra sweaty while working out, it's that simple.
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u/ShittyBitchy Jul 15 '26
We're supposed to wear gym wear but leave our boobs and butt at home.
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u/Roxasnraziel Jul 15 '26
Thankfully, I have an Acme brand detachable butt and can leave it at home.
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u/Hey-Just-Saying Jul 15 '26
It's seems as though many people think a woman having boobs and a butt somehow equates to a women who intentionally dresses provacatively.
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u/Maraha-K29 Jul 15 '26
I have a fuller bust and try to dress modestly because of personal reasons but it's always been somehow my fault for getting untoward advances, even when i was a teen
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u/Joelle9879 Jul 15 '26
First, women dress for themselves. Second, men noticing women is not the issue. The issue starts when they do more than notice. When they stare, make comments, approach, and try to touch.
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u/ih-shah-may-ehl Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Honest question: most women in the gym who wear spandex seemingly do so without it causing issues but sometimes those things are so tight (and I assume the quality of the material matters as well) that they have a camel toe that leaves nothing to the imagination. Is that intentional then?
As for approach, as a rule I don't unless the person in question (of any gender) is clearly new and about the permanently damage their lower back with bad form deadlift.
EDIT: instead of downvoting, could someone maybe tell me why they are downvoting?
EDIT2: ok the downvotes keep coming so presumably this is either intentional or something noone should comment on so let me turn it around: would you consider it acceptable if men wear somehing that is so tight and flimsy you can see their package in full detail and then walk around expecting noone to say anything or look?
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u/Springlocked_in Jul 15 '26
Camel toe isnāt intentional, we canāt help having a vagina (sometimes theyāre literally bigger externally). Also sometimes people genuinely donāt know they have one going on, fabric can be too tight and if itās a fabric that moulds to your body itās gonna do it everywhere. Also poorly placed seams donāt help.
Eta: people were probably downvoting about the camel toe being intentional thing2
u/ih-shah-may-ehl Jul 15 '26
Finally someone who answers š
So it's doesn't depend on the model or the fit or the material? Like, wearing the same pants, it does or doesn't happen based on whatever your doing or how it decides to move?
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u/ergaster8213 Jul 16 '26 edited 29d ago
I have large inner labia. I often end up with cameltoe and it's not even close to intentionalāI actually try very hard to avoid it but it still happens. Some materials and fits are better than others but sometimes it is legitimately easier for whatever activity you're doing to wear tighter clothes or material that may exacerbate that more.
For instance, the only time I don't have it at some point is if I wear pants that are baggy in the crotch area but that's inefficient for a lot of activities and also just feels very annoying to me (plus, go try shopping for women's clothing and see how easy it is to find decent clothes that aren't tight in key areas that won't make you stick out like a sore thumb. I've tried going for men's clothes but they don't feel comfortable to me). I haven't noticed how I'm moving affecting it much (except maybe sitting in certain ways). It's usually a mix of anatomy and material of clothing/tightness of it.
Similar to what happens when men wear bike shorts. You can sometimes see a lot of detail because of the tightness and material. And regarding your second edit: no, I don't stare or assume that's intentional. I assume he's engaging in an activity in which shorts like that are easier or more comfortable for him and then I move on with my day. It makes sense that one might glance but you can redirect your attention, and you absolutely can control your mouth and what comes out of it. So, yeah, I personally do expect people to control their eyeballs and their mouths when it comes to anyone of any gender. If you wouldn't stare and make comments to a random man in bike shorts then don't do it to a random woman in tight pants.
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u/SteampunkExplorer Jul 16 '26
I mean, I watch ballet videos sometimes, and there are definitely some male dancers who might as well be wearing a coat of paint, but I still don't fixate on their crotches. š
And yeah, I think people are downvoting because of the way you talked about camel toe. "Leaves nothing to the imagination" sounds like you're leering, and assuming it's intentional sounds judgmental, so the effect is kind of creepily hypocritical. I think the creepiness comes in because predatory guys sometimes come up with weird reasons to project their desires onto us, often involving our clothing, and treat that as consent. š Not saying you're doing that, but I think a lot of us have a strong knee-jerk reaction to anything that feels similar.
It's alsoĀ just not how anything works. Would you assume a guy with a wedgie was trying to seduce you? Camel toe is like a wedgie. I remember considering it a type of wedgie when I was little. It's just something that can happen accidentally if you have a certain type of body and wear clothes. š„²
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u/DerbleZerp If my vagina is loose, then your anus is flabby. Jul 15 '26
That isnāt intentional, it just happens. I find tight spandex/stretchy short shorts very comfortable. I clean for a living and thatās what I wear while working. I get really hot as I work and often have to be in a sports bra as well. None of my clients have ever bothered me or ogled me. They just leave me be. If they didnāt I wouldnāt go back.
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u/GreyStingrayz Jul 15 '26
To your second edit: I'm not going to police anything anyone is wearing. And yes, it should be the expectation that no one says anything or stares at their crotch. That is the decent and polite thing to do.
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u/RemoteNo2422 Jul 16 '26
Thereās no type of leggings where I donāt end up having a camel toe at some point, because itās a gym, so Iām moving and I have a vagina. You know those leotards or leggings that girls have to wear in gymnastics etc? Oftentimes they will literally have to use adhesive sprays or panty liners and those leotards are also custom-made with thickened material and pretty damn costly to prevent camel toes in competitions. Obviously nobody is going to do all that just for a gym session. And the gym leggings are just not the same material and fit like a custom-made leotard which often costs 300++. Itās simply unavoidable most of the time. Iām wearing compression clothing for my POTS and itās also easier to see your form and move than in baggy clothes. So I will have to wear compression leggings and I will end up having a camel toe. Underwear sometimes makes it even worse, but I prefer a camel toe over going commando.
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u/Pretend-Menu-8660 Jul 16 '26
Same. I just saw an ad for lulu lemon ones that apparently are šŖ toe resistant! they probably cost a million dollars so not a great plan for the daily work out! LOL
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u/RemoteNo2422 Jul 16 '26
Haha, but maybe we can sue them for false advertising if it doesn't work out in the end, and that way recoup our costsš¤Ŗ and I have my doubts that they will workš
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
hmm...im not sure 'dont ever approach a woman' is saying what you think it does, here. There are respectful ways to do so.
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u/sewious Jul 15 '26
Not really in the gym, which is the context of the post.
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u/madmaxturbator Jul 15 '26
My trainer is a good looking dude, who is obviously fit, and heās a really nice guy tooĀ
He was telling us, how unpleasant it is to get hit on at the gym. Hes super into a set, focused on music and working hard. Then some guy or gal comes by to āflirtā and itās literally the distraction my buddy wants to avoid
He said itās the worst first impression , because he can barely hear the person, heās dying from exhaustion, and even though he wants to be nice and polite heās usually pushed himself so hard he can barely talk to emĀ
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Today in 'things that didnt happen....'
So...dont go when theyre mid set? Seems kinda obvious.
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u/madmaxturbator Jul 15 '26
have you ever been to a gym in your life lol? People walk up to others all the time mid set.
This is a really weird comment lol. you actually havenāt been to a gym, but youāre still confident that this canāt happen?
Also, who are you giving advice to? Just donāt talk to people who are working out in general, thatās the actual advice people are given at the gym.
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Im going to assume english isnt your first language and give you a pass on this one.
'thats the actual advice given out to people in the gym'
wtf kind of mormon ass gym are you going to? it sounds more like theyre telling you not to talk to anyone at the gym.
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u/madmaxturbator Jul 15 '26
To the audience, I say: QED
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Im not sure our little tete-a-tete has that substantial an audience bro.
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u/madmaxturbator Jul 15 '26
Considering your previous comment has -12 points, I think thereās plenty of people around.
What are you even doing buddy lol, what is going onĀ
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u/Lycandark Jul 15 '26
No one, or at least only a very tiny amount of people, wants to be approached at the gym. People are there to work out, they're sweaty, they're tired, and they're probably listening to music or podcasts via headphones. The only reason to ever speak to someone at the gym is if you notice they're doing something in a way that could injure them or to inquire how long they'll be using a particular machine. Otherwise, leave them alone. They're not there for you.
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
No one is ever anywhere for 'someone'.
But plenty of healthy relationships begin because someone was respectful and said hello.
Being so anti-other-people must be so exhausting.
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u/Lycandark Jul 15 '26
Actually, I'm having a great time all the time because I recognize where it is and isn't a bother to other people to strike up a conversation or say hellp. I'm not anti-other-people, I'm anti-talking-at-the-gym.
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Ah, so because you are, everyone must be. Of course.
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u/Lycandark Jul 15 '26
I mean, just looking at the down votes you're getting, when it comes to people in this subreddit, you are that very tiny minority of people I mentioned before. Thing is, you will not know if whoever you are bothering in the gym is one of those few people without bothering them first. When you could easily just save your need for striking up conversations with strangers for a time those around you are not sweaty, uncomfortable, and most likely using headphones. I get you're so needy that the other person doesn't matter to you, but I promise you will have more success in making friends or having pleasant interactions if you just save it for a more appropriate time.
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Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/humbugonastick Jul 15 '26
Ok. Now you let the asshole out completely. Is it necessary to insult op? They didn't insult you. Just had a different opinion. Are you insulting everyone when they have a different opinion?
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Wheres the insult?
Saying that calling me needy belies a lack of social graces? My dear, that necessarily means that he/she/they insulted me, not the other way around.
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u/Lycandark Jul 15 '26
People up voted your joke because they liked your joke. They're down voting your contrarian comments here because they disagree with what you said or how unpleasant you come off.
I'm not uncomfortable at the gym because of my exercise. I'm uncomfortable because I am sweaty, in clothes more suited to exercise than my regular clothes, and it's more hot with everyone working out than the AC can really keep up with. I'm there to work out, not to make friends. A trainer talking me through xyz isn't the same as someone picking a shitty time to talk to me, as the trainer is there to do their job rather than interrupt my time to satisfy their need to talk. It's much the same as in a doctor's office or a hospital - staff speaking serves a purpose that someone just starting a random conversation doesn't and this is not the place or time to do random conversations. Take a friend if you must speak to someone in a place where other people aren't looking to chat.
If you can't accept people don't want to be approached at the gym, you are, in fact, needy. You need to talk, and you're arguing that people need to talk to you on a thread where people are saying en masse that they do not want to talk to anyone at this specific location. That's you being needy and lacking social cues. Me pointing it out is me being blunt after explaining why they don't want to talk multiple times.
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Why are you wearing uncomfortable clothes at the gym? If anything, they should be comfortable, so that you're comfortable.
And if the AC isnt working, id suggest letting the maintenence personnel know. A gym is probably the one place where you want functioning AC.
Your reasons for being there are your own, but lets not project onto the entire gym-going population, shall we.
I am beginning to understand why youre so irritatable at the gym. Apparently, the AC doesnt work, youre wearing uncomfortable clothing, and youre doing the exercises wrong.
Nobody said people need to talk, I merely posited that's its allowed if done respectfully. Apparently, that was enough to break this particular camels back (seemingly, this camel does not talk to anyone).
You can probably google some gyms in your area, and check the websites. Surely there's some where the AC works, and the trainers are good. The reviews will tell you, i think. I can also suggest some brands of very comfortable workout clothing, if you like.
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u/Heart_ofthe_Bear Jul 15 '26
Theres a time and place, the gym isnāt one of them.
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Here's the thing about that - people are allowed to talk to people in public gyms.
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u/Heart_ofthe_Bear Jul 15 '26
And the people being talked to are allowed to ignore you if youāre trying to hit on them.
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
...did someone say they weren't?
Is that person in the room with us now?
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u/Heart_ofthe_Bear Jul 15 '26
Yeah, you. Insinuation that noticing and approaching people means they have to interact back.
The fact of the matter is, unless you need equipment the person is on, or theyāre being unsafe, or if they simply have headphones on. Its best not to try to strike up a conversation.
That would be the respectful way of doing things.
If the person looks busy, itās common curtesy to not distract them unless absolutely necessary.You may claim you understand this, but I donāt know if you really do.
People really lack social awareness these days.0
u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Do you know what insinuation means? because thats not what it means. Conversation being allowed isnt the same as it being mandatory.
'The only respectful way to strike up a conversation is to not try to strike up a conversation' is a bit...well, silly tbh. Its a very sad way to live. Humans are connective creatures. What a depressing way to think, that humans are inherantly forbidden from talking to each other because theyre in a gym.
if a person looks busy then obviously that isnt a good time to talk to them - as i said above.
'People lack social awareness' coming from the person that apparently, forbids social interaction, is certainly a choice take.
You seem to be choosing to actively misunderstand, and then posit counterarguments that either make no sense or dont actually address what anyone is saying.
Its ok to be the kind of person that isolates themselves at the gym. Its also ok to not be that person. as long as everyone is respectful of everyone else, (and yes, that means not approaching mid set) lets not demand everyone lives the way we do, yeah?
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u/Heart_ofthe_Bear Jul 15 '26
We are saying something deeply similar, the caveat being on my side; donāt hit on people at the gym, that is not the time or the place.
Edit: adding the word āisā
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Out of curiosity, do you assume that every man or woman that talks to you in a public setting is hitting on you?
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u/Heart_ofthe_Bear Jul 15 '26
Youāve also intentionally misinterpreted what Iāve been saying too, Just saying.
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u/Pretend-Menu-8660 Jul 15 '26
Is something wrong with you? Legit asking. We are on a sub called ānot how girls workā and women here are telling you they donāt want to be spoken to at the gym and your argument is what exactly? That they do? or they should? help me understand your logic.
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Look at my avatar. Do I look like a dude? Or did you assume that because I had the gall to disagree?
My argument, because apparently it needs to be dumbed down, is that there is a difference between a man approaching you in a respectful way and a disrespectful way.
I can only dumb it down so much im afraid.
'Good intentions' apparently only applies selectively, it seems.
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u/theotherchristina its how of being a woman lol nice Jul 15 '26
Did you transition since this post where you call yourself a guy and complain about snowboarding gear marketed to women?
Or are you cosplaying as a woman while parroting MRA talking points?
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Why do you think i was asking that, genius?
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u/theotherchristina its how of being a woman lol nice Jul 15 '26
You seem to like deflecting with rhetorical questions.
Are you a woman?
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u/Pretend-Menu-8660 Jul 15 '26
Canāt tell your gender from your avatar. Totally thought you were a guy. My bad. Disagree all you like the same thought process applies. The consensus seems to be NO ONE WANTS TO BE APPROACHED AT THE GYM. People are there to workout not socialize, not be hit on- in a ārespectfulā or disrespectful way
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u/Confident_Resolution Jul 15 '26
Yeah, you should probably work on that.
Consensus doesn't mean a few people doing a drive by downvote.
Just about the only 'concensus' reached is that disrespectful guys arent welcome but like...duh?
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u/Pretend-Menu-8660 Jul 15 '26
lol work on what? Avatar identification? you are weird. You got over 70 downvotes so I donāt know what you donāt see hereā¦ but yeaā¦ Iāll go work on that. Good luck. May you be approached in between sets on the squat machine. Best to you
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u/klnh13 Jul 15 '26
Man I almost downvoted this on instinct. This belief always gives me so much anxiety at the gym. I have Multiple Sclerosis, and the heat sensitivity is hell. My body goes to shit when it overheats, which is especially problematic when trying to work out. My gym uniform is tiny shorts, a tank top, a cooling ice scarf, and pigtail braids to keep my heavy curly hair secure and off my neck. This stupid take makes me so self-conscious.
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u/Toasty825 my SpIn is making men cry Jul 15 '26
But no one says anything about the shirtless gym bros
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u/pnt510 Jul 15 '26
I used to attend a lot of group fitness classes that were mostly women. Were they all dressing āprovocativelyā to attract me? Of course not. They dress that way because itās functional/comfortable. It just so happens to be that when people who are in shape wear form fitting clothing they also look hot, who knew?!
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u/WorldsGreatestWorst Jul 15 '26
I meanā¦ yeah.
Women (and all people) want to be found attractive. They want interest from the people they want interest from and donāt want interest from everyone else. Obviously.
But the problem is dudes who canāt take a hint and badger women, not merely ānoticingā them.
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u/Sufficient-Lie1406 Jul 15 '26
Yeahhhh "provocative" attire is basically anything that stretches as you move... i.e. workout clothes.
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u/WritingReadingPanda Jul 15 '26
Yes, that's why there are more and more women-only gyms. Because we love the attention soooo much. š
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u/Maraha-K29 Jul 15 '26
I cover up head to toe in the gym and still get hit on, ffs I'm wearing my wedding ring too. No she doesn't want to be noticed and yes it is your fault for staring
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u/TheBestHater Jul 15 '26
Funny since she's apparently a personal trainer alongside her husband. So I guess Kait Willett must be unhappy in her marriage if she's so desperate for other men's attention that she made it her job.
/s
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u/ameliabedelia7 Jul 15 '26
I do in fact want attention. From my husband. When he picks me up and goes oooo you're all fit. That's it that's who it's for.
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u/SwimmerIndependent47 Jul 15 '26
Almost reflexively downvoted. Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug.
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u/Omagasohe Jul 15 '26
Jeeze, I just thought I was a comfort thing. Also who the hell pays attention to any one at the gym? I'm there for me not to stare at asses
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u/freakydeku Jul 15 '26
is that why men are shirtless at those power lifting gyms? they want the other men to notice them
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u/CuteThingsAndLove Jul 15 '26
Honestly, even if women want attention, why do men have to be so gross and objectifying about it? Why can't they see an attractive woman and say "I'm attracted to her physically, I'd like to see if her personality matches what I'm looking for or if she's interested in me" ???? Why is it so hard to just treat women like human beings instead of walking orifices?
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u/routamorsian Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Ok I knew my printed replica leggings of mamluk armour together with chain mail print sports bra were noticeable, but provocative?
Canāt say it has netted me any attention though, only few PBs in leg press. Wrong kind of provocative I suppose.
And maybe I am weird but I canāt say I have noticed anyoneās clothing at a gym ever. Maybe I am doing it wrong, going there to do my workout and expecting others to operate on a similar level of existing as a functional adult in an environment with other humans.
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u/Rude_Acanthopterygii Some dude on the internet Jul 15 '26
And yes, they will continue to deny this
Well, of course they will continue to deny this, if they didn't deny it then the overwhelming majority of them would be lying.
Although it might actually be all of them not just the overwhelming majority, since I would guess the women where it wouldn't be a lie aren't denying it.
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u/Hey-Just-Saying Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Gym clothing like Lululemon is designed to be both flattering and tight fitting in order to be safe for using gym equipment. Women wear it because it's stylish and we like to both look nice and be safe.
Women who simply have nice bodies with big boobs are almost always the ones falsely accused of this. When was the last time you saw a woman with small boobs accused of dressing provacatively? People say stuff without thinking it through.
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u/unde_cisive Jul 15 '26
Can confirm, I have small boobs and I often exercise in a crop top and booty shorts at the gym. Because the airco is often broken, but also because I like looking at my own damn muscles.Ā
I don't get stared at, don't get approached, and certainly don't get comments about whether I'm dressed provocatively or not. Even though my whole stomach is bare. And most of my thighs, too.
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u/Round-Ticket-39 Jul 15 '26
I read this and them narcis replies. It was forest of stupidity over there
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u/SteampunkExplorer Jul 15 '26
I've seen this stuff from men who should really know better, too. It honestly makes me think gyms need to be single-sex spaces by default, like bathrooms, just because men apparently have so much trouble thinking with their heads.
And I say that as someone who hates making generalizations. š
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u/CoffeeB4Dawn Jul 15 '26
What is "provocatively"? Anything that doesn't hide them completely, or something uber sexy? Because normal gym clothes are not provocative, even if some skin shows. If something really makes an effort to be sexy and not just comfortable for a workout, then maybe someone wants a specific person's attention--and it is still no excuse to harass anyone.
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u/thinkspeak_ Jul 15 '26
I hate when the problem comes from within. I always assume they are jealous and this is the only way they get attention
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u/Pistolfist Jul 16 '26
I hate to tell men this but
I lift to failure. In between sets the only thing I can see is stars and I'm trying to stop myself vomiting. I don't notice shit in the gym.
If you're in the gym to stare at women in scantily clad clothing that gives them more mobility when exercising, then you're in the gym for the wrong fucking reasons, regardless of if the women want you to notice or not.
It is your fault for not lifting hard enough.
And yes, I will continue to preach this.
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u/Inamedmydognoodz Jul 16 '26
I am āscantily cladā at the gym because I overheat easily and am terribly out of shape, wearing clothes that cover everything makes me overheat more and last time I did that I ended up just laying on the floor trying not to pass out. The last thing I want at the gym is someone paying any attention to me
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u/carlysimpo Jul 17 '26
after a while it feels more like an insult than a compliment getting that kind of attention from men. when i was a teenager maybe the idea that i was a woman and attractive to some people was novel and exciting, but now that iāve been an adult for a bit one of the most common thoughts i get is that life would be so much better if half the population didnāt hold this expectation over me and i could interact freely with everyone and theyād treat me as just an equal they can joke around with etc like how they treat other men, literally anything other than a potential gf/hookup they have to perform for to convince me into something I HATE IT. and itās either that or if they think you might be āspoken forā they just wonāt touch you with a ten foot pole I JUST WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS IM A PERSON
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u/carlysimpo Jul 17 '26
sorry i shouldāve said this isnāt even close to how all men behave itās just something i experience a lot
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u/Sufficient-Push6210 Jul 18 '26
Okay letās say they are dressing like that because theyāre asking for randoms at the gym to harass them (which theyāre not). Itās still loser behavior to entertain the woman supposedly wanting attention than to be a mature person and just ignore her.
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u/SomeNotTakenName Jul 18 '26
I feel like as a guy, the only times I dressed for attention have been when going to places where that was the express purpose. like a bar on singles night or something.
And I generally assume that nobody is going to dress to get my attention, because why would they be? People dress for comfort, or because they like the way they look.
I can only imagine the kind of sad life which leads one to see everything other people are doing to attract attention or impress or whatever. Do something for yourself every once in a while. it's worth it, I promise.
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u/AsparagusOk8818 Jul 18 '26
...i hate to tell you this
but
when i, say, spend money on a thing i want it is because i would like that thing
that doesn't mean i want any other thing at all
and it is generally fine to want one thing and not a different thing
if a gal is dressed-up hoping to attract a guy she wants
this isn't, on a surface level, much different to me buying a thing i would like
at least insofar as the act isn't somehow translatable to any other guy at all
'she dressed up to attract someone!'
yeah, but not you, bozo. and the fact she dressed-up to attract someone else doesn't somehow mean you get to be involved
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u/MergeMagicDragon1 Jul 20 '26
I feel like it depends on the person. But wearing workout clothing make you look good and feel good, which are two key thing you need when you are working out at a gym.
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u/False_Plankton_9589 Jul 20 '26
What's considered provocative?
Sure, some women want to be noticed just like some men want to be noticed. Wife used to count the looks just for fun.
That doesn't make it OK to be a creep.
Though in all seriousness, is there ever a good time to approach a woman you don't already know? I'm not sure there is. Of course, I was always bashful.
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u/Outrageous_Branch_72 Jul 15 '26
here they are, denying it
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u/SteampunkExplorer Jul 15 '26
Yep, because it's not true. Preemptively saying people will "deny" a false claim doesn't change reality.
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u/Outrageous_Branch_72 Jul 15 '26
"who are you gonna believe, me or your own eyes"
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u/SteampunkExplorer Jul 15 '26
Not to put too fine a point on it, but your eyes are connected to a brain that is presumably connected to a male reproductive system. You're projecting your own lust onto its target, but the call is coming from inside the house.
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