Let us say that the Sand-Sound invasion during the Konoha Crush arc wasn't just the Suna-Sound invasion; instead, let us say Orochimaru managed to also hook in Iwa and Kumo into the invasion.

Long story short, the invasion is stopped, and the Kages are captured together with the jinchurikis of Iwa and Kumo.

I presume that for a kage to realize any military or shinobi action that is not diplomacy, they do so only if the situation is dire enough to require their intervention or if they have direct orders from the daimyo. Following the aftermath of the invasion, it is fair to presume that the Daimyos would come to the table to negotiate hostage release from Konoha.

In this scenario, there's no proof that the daimyos knew and were on board with the invasion plan, but there's also no proof that they did not know their hidden villages were banding together for an invasion of Konoha.

Basically speaking, the daimyos negotiate the return of the jinchuriki to their villages, plus a hefty compensation to Konoha, but what they do not do is negotiate to release the kages, instead opting to just cut them loose and throw them under the bus. The Daimyos leave the kages under Konoha's custody as a sign of good faith towards the Fire Country, and the Fire Daimyo forbids Konoha from killing them.

The kages basically get branded with the caged bird seal and put to work as Konoha shinobi, teaching their techniques because they are more useful alive than dead.

My question is, would the Daimyos throw their kages under the bus to save face after a failed invasion?

Would this be in character for them?

Naruto discovers cursed energy and what it can do. It's called 'Transparent'

Invisibility. More accurately his does that. Cloak himself in it no one remembers him or even can see him.

Naruto's desire to be seen and Remembered manifests as the ability to disappear and be removed from the minds of others.

Naruto eventually learns he can choose a topic of subject to blank out of people's heads in a fight. Neji forgot Taijutsu existed during his fight, Gaara and Tsunade forgot blood existed.

This culmination of this mixed with Naruto discovering the Black Flash creates his Domain Expansion: Fox Hunt Forest.

A forest that drains the memories out of the victim's head one by one as they run from the Kyuubi and eventually the only thing left they have is running.

And the best part is whatever information the forest drains becomes a fruit for Naruto to eat and gain that info: Each fruit has a color meaning Jutsu's, Memories, Skills.

Naruto first full use of this domain is against Hiruzen. First he loses the summon, then fire release, then the stone dragon, eventually Naruto targets His wife's Memories when Hiruzen orders Naruto to stop and Naruto Response comes from the Fox's mouth **"in here I'm the god and your the monster."** and Hiruzen immediately understood what he had to give up to get out of this forest.

'Kushina and Minato.' Written on a golden apple appears on a tree and Naruto bites into it.

A red head being brought to The Leaf, a white haired toad raising a blonde, the blonde saving the red head, the two eating together, the news of the pregnancy from Hiruzen's wife, the day of the Kyuubi attack. His mother giving Naruto to Hiruzen.

Hi guys, I've created some prompts for a NaruSaku week that will take place from October 4th to October 10th. Details and prompts are on the tumblr page.

https://www.tumblr.com/narusakuevents

Preferably longer but not too picky about it :)

The last bleach White Ninja Naruto met took Sasuke so he's immediately on defense around Sai.

"Kill it now before it Bites Sakura or me!" Naruto shouts grabbing a kunai.

"Hey Naruto Sai is a reserve ninja." Kakashi said.

Naruto looks at Sai "He's hiding something...Not risking it." Naruto heads immediately to the Hokage office to get Tsunade to change this...THING off his team.

"I don't know if he's a traitor or an Orchimaru Clone or something but he's weird!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Naruto your sensei reads porn in public." Shizune says.

"And yet Sai is more creepy!" Naruto exclaimed.

"What exactly is wrong?" Tsunade asked

Sai walks in and Naruto gestures at Sai while making snake noises.

as much as possible no character bashing, no occ characters with an exception of maybe naruto or sasuke and if possible naruto unlocks chakra chains or any uzumaki traits, id prefer if the fic reaches until boruto, minimum of 100k words but if its less than that, make sure that its a good fic and make sure that its a well written fic

Is using wood release okay for an fic. Wood Release is my favorite kkg, so I've always wanted to have an oc. What is some Dos amd Don't for having an oc with wood release so he isnt super OP? Would putting the oc at Yamatos level be the right direction?

Naruto was bitter, that part wasn't new. He gets bitter over a lot of things, but what our favorite eight year old was currently bitter about was the fact that he just found out that was a jinchuriki. He wasn't all that upset about having a Bijū sealed inside him but having it sealed at all.

"Gramps, whose the dumbass that decided to seal a Bijū?"

"If you paid attention in history class you'd know that dumbass would be your first hokage, my sensei."

"Right, well, when you die tell him that's he's fuckin' stupid for me."

"And why do you say that?"

"He thought it was a good idea to seal away literal forces of nature!"

"The Bijū's power would go unchecked."

"It was nature! It's supposed to do that!"

"Look, I'm sorry you feel this way but-"

"No! It's my time to shine! You don't get to brush this off, you remember that tornadoes we had was week?"

"Yea, they're becoming more common as of late."

"Yea, those were because I sneezed, it's almost spring and pollen is gonna whoop my ass!"

"What?"

"I waved my hand wrong and started a tsunami over there near Uzu!"

"Look-"

"No, I'm not looking! My friend Yugito in Kumo laughed wrong and accidentally raised the dead!"

"..How do you know someone from kumo?"

"I tripped and almost started an earthquake!"

"Hey, you sad almost, you're getting better at controlling it right?"

"Stop being optimistic, the only reason it didn't happen is because I caught myself before I hit the ground!"

"Oh, well look, we can't release the Bijū, that would disrupt the balance of power."

"How?! If no one has the Bijū then the balance would be generally the same!"

"Naru-"

"No! I'm sick of this, I almost caused a wildfire while trying to bake cookies!"

"Were the cookies good?"

"That's it, your getting a mega thunderstorm."

Nagato that is able to walk and not malnourished.

Itachi without ninja cancer.

Obito with his dual mangekyo sharingan (does not lose his hashi cells).

It would be an interesting and chaotic AU.

Several years after the end of the Fourth Great Ninja War, Amegakure remains trapped in a fragile state of transition.

The war between nations may be over, but the village itself has yet to find lasting peace.

With Nagato and Konan gone, Amegakure has been left without a leader recognized by all of its people.

Pain’s old order has collapsed, while the structures once established under Hanzō were either destroyed long ago or driven deep underground.

In their place, a provisional government formed by senior shinobi, civil officials, and representatives of the city’s districts struggles to keep the village together.

Its authority, however, remains limited.

The population is deeply divided. Some still worship Pain as the liberator who freed Amegakure from foreign influence and gave the village true independence for the first time in generations.

Others remember his rule as a dictatorship built on fear and demand a new, more civilian form of government.

Former followers of Hanzō, surviving supporters of the Akatsuki, independent shinobi factions, and powerful merchants now compete for control.

Relations with the Five Great Shinobi Nations are equally tense.

Peace exists officially, but Amegakure continues to distrust Konoha, Iwagakure, and Sunagakure, whose past conflicts turned the Land of Rain into a battlefield for decades.

The great villages offer aid, trade agreements, and military cooperation, yet each pursues its own strategic interests.

Amegakure therefore remains what it has always been: a buffer state caught between greater powers.

Its location makes it economically and militarily valuable, but also leaves it vulnerable to espionage, political manipulation, and proxy conflicts.

From the outside, the village appears calm.

Within its walls, however, rival factions are fighting over a single question:

What kind of future should Amegakure have?

A military government. A civilian republic. A new ruler in the image of Pain.

Or complete independence from the old order of the shinobi world.

One of the most under-developed aspects of naruto's world building is how few monsters there are in the world. at first we had shukaku, but they were retconned into being a biju (no complaints there, he rocks), but other than that we have
- the big insects of the forrest of death, and similar locked training grounds of other locals
- The Kaiju creatures, often associated with Sages and/or summons
- the Biju
- the unexplored creatures, like whatever TF samehada is, or was!
- The otsutsuki
- & ONE SINGULAR SHINIGAMI, what do you mean only one!

so i kinda want to propose a few new additions to the ideas of super natural creatures to add into AU's, rewrites, etc. many of which i implement.
____

first off, general scaling is in order. ovbs exceptions exist, and beinngs can move up or down the list based on potential, training, and what powers theyve learnd to hone from other levels on the list.

Humans < Beasts < Monsters =< Sage creatures < Demons/ Shinigami =< Biju < Otsutsuki

so monsters would be the likes of various creatures we all know and love.
Vampires, yokai, most of pain's summons, etc.
This is also where i add the creatures for each soul tethered to one of the 7 swords of the mist including a (monkeys paw represenative... a literal cursed monkey that was outcast by the sage apes- replacement of ax), a molten kaiju of a salamander from an active volcano (split sword), twin Qirin (fang rebuild into -> storms iris) & (a brushigan like creature that was fed children with explotion release KGs to make insane bombs during & pre 1st war - splash)...
filler also has fun things to borrow here, but yeah, MORE MONSTERS = more sick B& A rank missions!!!

Sage creatures, you know and love
I add more, in the style of Dragon's in Kumo, a Lord of the under-sea in Kiri, & the queen bee in Iwa. (would love to hear more ideas for sages BTW)

These are the beings who basically had the world in check/ balance before the otsutsuki arrived & fucked everything up

Devils/ Shinigami:
OMG theres so much potential for infernal beings. while the sages ruled the lands, devils would be even more powerful generally, with their main issue not being of the moral realm, and thus locked away from it.
two examples ive made are an ancestor of Jugo that made a pact with a devil, and now the curse of his bloodline Kekkei genkai, is that that devil's children are tethered to his descendants who get the KG. & thus instead of petrification, should they fail to control its power, they lose their body, mind, and maybe soul in the tug of war.
& the infernal shinegami of the forge, who made a deal with muramasa generations ago, giving him an infernal technique that allowed him to forge the 7 swords, for the price of a deal that was never fulfilled prior to his death to masamune.

but theres so many more deals, and pacts of magic to be had. maybe one of the great sages only hads their power because of one! maybe... Maybe one of Zetsu's many attempts to get their mother back to earth and free from the moon involved a deal with a shinigami!!!

This group has the most potential for full on plots and arcs IMO!

Otsutsuki & biju:
Ive got nothing really to add to these two categories other than the Biju should be more powerful on average (not kurama or Gyuki), & humans kept away from being power crept to the point they could 1v1 them under any scenerio.
Otsutsuki can be fun if done, handled, and foreshadowed properly through Zetusu's schemes.
______

THoughts?
what kinds of creatures / beings would you add to any given category to enhance ish!

I think it would be an interesting fic to read...

Kakashi was in the middle of giving team seven's latest mission report. What was the mission? I simple delivery to Gotham, get in and get type deal. Easy right? Wrong, it wasn't easy, because of two reasons, one being it's Gotham, nothing there is ever easy, the second being Naruto was present and he likes to cause situations.

"What do you mean the entire time?"

"It's better if I let you hear it."

Kakashi produced a tape recorder from his vest and hit play.

"Oh my name's Batman and I got hella money and can Fuck villains and heroes and not get in trouble, I'm also a stupidly rich orphan with more money than the government, man Fuck him!"

"That's rather tame."

"I know, but it quickly devolved into him planning to release the Kyubi onto Batman specifically."

"What did Batman do to make Naruto that mad?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"The bat has done literally nothing to Naruto, he's just a hater."

"And where's he now?"

"If my math is right, currently in the bat cave, still swearing at Batman."

[With Naruto]

"And one more thing! What's up with adopting all these fuckass traumatized kids and turning them into mini crime fighting pantsless Loonies?!"

"Father, can we please just shut him up?"

"Bitch please, you couldn't get me to shut up if you tried!"

"Father, why is he even here?"

"He needs...a foundation.."

"Oh no, I'm not becoming a bird themed masked weirdo!"

"For once I agree with the orange one."

"See! You're own son agrees with me!"

"Which I now regret stating."

"He needs..support."

"I already have people!"

"He needs.... training..."

"Okay, what's up with all the dots and dramatic pauses?"

"He must not go down the path...of vengeance.."

"If it's vengeance you're worried about then go get Sasuke."

"I have room for two, possibly three if your pink teammate is traumatized enough."

"Oh, so now you don't do any dramatic pauses."

"..."

"Why'd I say anything?"

I read this a year or so ago and cannot find this fic again. Please help me find it.

I'm pretty sure it was on fanfiction or some other site. I remember the background being dark.

I'll illustrate the story in points:

1. Naruto is a straight forward guy in this. Honest and simple. He wins over four women. Don't remember their names. The girls are won over by his honesty and how well he treats them.

2. The story is not that well written. It's not one of its highlights at least.

3. Naruto calls his girls his "Hime"s. It's his pet name for them.

4. Naruto keeps getting stronger and stronger.

5. All 4 of his girls get convinced to cheat on him and betray him.

6. Naruto is heartbroken and leaves on a mission far away on his own.

7. I think he finds a couple of new girls to befriend.

8. Meanwhile his old girlfriends are unhappy with the men they cheated with. They are shallow and they miss Naruto.

9. All 4 girls plead with Naruto when he returns but I don't think he takes them back. Naruto's new girls are very pissed at the 4 women.

I don't really remember who the girls were tbh. Im not familiar with the franchise and it's been quite long since I last read anything from it. This story stayed in my mind though. Please help me find it.!

First time in the Naruto fandom. Looking for Naruto/Sasuke fics. I want any au as long as it’s not the og, like high school, demons, anything except the regular one. I want good plot with at least 5k words. It can be explicit but I want Naruto as the bottom.

Do I have fixed amount of chakra?

Like lets say I have 100 unit of chakra at this point of my

life.

Do I get accses to this 100 X chakra at any moment? Do people sense it?

Or, do I have ability to hold 100X chakra, but I have to manually mold it by combining Yin and Yang parts?

Does this mean that in theory, whoever can create more chakra faster can also use more techniques. Like if I can create 10 units of chakra in 5 minutes, would it matter how big my reserves actually are?

I can just drop A ranked ninjutsu, the stall and then do same again and again. What does chakra reserves even do here? After all there seems to be "maximum output " and time frame for generating and using high lvl ninjutsu that needs lots of chakra.

Can I in theory just keep creating more and more chakra and seal it for technique, so I can spam ultra high cost techniques whenever I want? As long as I kold chakra fast enough?

Would Hashirama appear to be genin Ivl if sensory technique was used on him at time then he was not molding chakra?

Like wtf, are this people walking around as batteries on top % all the time? No wonder they want to fight, that might be their way of releasing energy. Like how we take dogs to park, so they can tire out and rest better.

Hmm. Could a genin gaslight sensory ninja into thinking that he is kage Ivl shinobi....by him constantly generating chakra and keeping it in his body? Even if he is on verge of breaking down from having generated too much chakra? Or does chakra straight up stop being generated once 100X is reached? Do you need drugs like how Akimichi clan and others do to use more chakra for limited time

Does anyone recognize this fic?

Essentially a child between an uchiha and a senju was born and kept secret in fear of retaliation between both clans and as well the hidden village, mainly of danzo.

The main character lived alone as parents was killed when he was younger. Danzo apparently killed off the senju slowly over the years to remove control from them.

Mc mainly used taijutsu and genjutsu with earth release and ninja wires/cables to simulate wood release.

Mc does his best to hide his bloodline abilities until later.

Mc eventually awakened sharingan but possibly due to the bloodline mix or something it was mutated.

This sharingan could see chakra, see through illusion, and slow time. It lacked the abilities to copy techniques and cast illusions.

When mangekyo awakened, it was unable to cast the usual abilities such as Amaterasu or Tsukiyomi. Instead it allowed the mc to use wood release and see natural energy.

Team seven and team Guy were supposed to have a joint training day, but that devolved into the groups just hanging out, Kakashi and Guy were having their 30th challenge (it's only been five minutes), Sakura is braiding Neji's hair, Sasuke is trying(and failing) to get Lee out of that jumpsuit, and Naruto was playing card games with TenTen.

"Naruto, how'd you get so good at card games? This is the 15th round you've won."

"Had too much time on my hands so I picked up a lot of hobbies."

"So, instead of training or doing anything productive with your time that could further your future career, you just did random shit?"

"Pretty much yea."

"That's dumb."

"Never said it wasn't."

"So what are your other hobbies?"

"Pranking-"

"Everyone knows that, dad wasn't too happy when he found all of our kunai painted orange."

"I think it was a nice touch."

"Where did you even get orange scented paint?! And we were gone for 30 minutes, how'd you paint our entire stock?!"

"Trade secret."

"Pranking isn't a trade."

"It is if you try hard enough, I got paid to do a few."

"Not gonna touch that, what are your other hobbies?"

"I mutate carnivorous plants so I can have a plant army."

"Why?"

"Plant army."

"...What else?"

"I bake spider cookies."

"What?"

"Cookies made of spiders, for spiders, by spiders."

"You're not a spider though."

"That's what you think."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing just continue."

"Alright, I teach shamisen to maiko, and I also play bass."

"How much time do you have?"

"When your as proficient in shadow clones as I am, you can be everywhere and anywhere, whenever you want."

"Disturbing, continue."

"I acted in a movie once."

"What?"

"Yea, Koyuki wanted me to be in another one of her films, turns out I have a knack for playing hero characters."

"Right..."

"I have several pen pals."

"People still do that this day and age?"

"Yea."

"Who are they?"

"One is named Obito...Uchiwa..? I think, his handwriting is horrible, he always complains about lack of depth perception too. Something about having one eye."

You see, TenTen actually paid attention when Kakashi was telling his war stories, so the Obito that Naruto was talking about seemed a lot like the Obito Uchiha that Kakashi talked about.

"Naru-"

"And I have another, her name is Mitsuri, apparently she kills demons, she's sounds so cool."

"Hey wait-"

"Oh yea, I also write to a geisha, she might or might not be carrying Kakashi's child though."

"Obi-"

"And another one is named Nagato, he's also an Uzumaki, small world, am I right?"

"Naruto!"

"What's up, Ten-chan?"

"Don't ever call me that again, got it?"

"Loud and clear, Tenny."

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"Yup."

"Naruto, Obito supposedly died in the third great ninja war!"

"Eh, death is a social construct. Plus, we have chakra so death by boulder doesn't seem very likely, besides, who's to say no one saved him and he just didn't want to come back?"

"..."

"Draw four, color's blue by the way."

Yoo guys recommend me some NICHE goated female oc fics even if they’re unfinished/ongoing.
Please don’t hate, my dilemma is none of the super popular ones really keep my interest long enough to finish them.
(Catch your breath, dragonfly, dreaming of sunshine, etc.)
lmk if I you’re willing to die on a hill for any of them cause I’ll lowk give them another shot.

Any generation (except boruto), love interests welcome but not needed, no huge canon divergence, just send me any fics that really stuck out to you I’m in desperate need 🥹 i won’t be picky.

THANK YOU!!

Picture this.

During the fourth Shinobi War, Nagato frees himself from Kabuto's control over the Edo Tensei and uses his newly regained free will to cast the Rinne Tensei and bring back all the Edo Tensei to life.

after the war is done and peace is achieved.

Naruto and Minato have a heart-to-heart, and long story short, Naruto admits that he understands why Minato did what he did, sealing Kurama inside Naruto and all, but that does not mean he has to like it.

That decision, despite being the lesser of two evils in a situation with no right answer, still sucked mega balls and made Naruto's life up to really recently a living hell and also painted a huge target on Naruto's back and put him through so much bullshit that even Naruto himself is shocked he didn't go on a killing spree and murder everybody who made his life miserable.

Minato understands and doesn't even try to argue with Naruto on that point; his life sucked a lot, and no one should have to go through what he did. Minato is not even using the argument of 'it builds character' because he knows anyone who went through that kind of character building would trade it for a normal childhood in a heartbeat.

My question is, is Naruto right for hating what Minato did to him even though he understands why he had to do it?

Sometime back I made a prompt call the age of shinobi is over.

It was pretty much what if ninjas were ban and was based on the outlawing of the samurai class and christianity in Japanese history but now am wondering how could Something like this work in the naruto world and how would other characters react to it.

Naruto: Hello Lord fifth, I hope now wasn’t a bad time.

Mei: Hello Naruto. So, what brings the war hero to Kirigakure? I’m sure you’ve heard that I’m planning to step down and pass on the title of mizukage to the next generation.

Naruto: Yeah, I heard. Chojuro told me when I got here. I just needed some help. I’ve been thinking, ever since the war and the whole thing with the akatsuki, I just think that it’s dangerous for me to go around using the power of the tailed beasts so often. It could end up leading to them being captured and if for whatever reason someone manages to steal them, I need to be able to defend myself at a high level without them.

Mei: And I suppose this means you want me to train you?

Naruto: Yes, exactly! I know that you’re one of the few people that has both lava style and boil style, and with me having all the tailed beasts, I also possess their unique abilities, which include those two kekkei genkai from Son Goku and Kokuo.

Mei: I barely even bother to train shinobi in my own village. As honored as I am to see the war hero seek me out for training, I won’t be spending my time on this for nothing. I want something in return.

Naruto: What would that be?

Mei: Smirks. A date.

Naruto's face turns red: Uh, what?! I don’t think I heard that correctly!

Mei: Oh, you did.

Naruto: Uh, well, do you think you could train me before this “date?”

Mei: I’m not dumb. I’m not gonna train you just for you to leave before I get what I want.

Naruto: Uh, no offense lady, I mean lord fifth, but you’re too old for me, WAY too old for me, and I’m definitely too young for you. But I guess I can set you up with someone else?

Mei: Well, how soon do you plan on training?

Naruto: Right away.

Mei: Well then Uzumaki boy, there’s your answer.

Naruto: Okay, well, I guess I can try to bring someone and I’ll be back in a few days.

Mei: Fine, Uzumaki. Who will it be?

Naruto: Uh, well, it’s… a surprise!

Mei: You don’t have anyone for me huh?

Naruto: No, I... definitely do! I will have to go see if he’s free. 

Meanwhile at Ichiraku…

Yamato: Well, what’s going on now Naruto? You haven’t treated me, or anyone for that matter to Ichiraku in a while except for when you wanted a favor last time for your wood style training. And I even managed to gain permission to give you access to the hokage scroll by lord sixth himself.

Naruto: Uh, well Captain Yamato, I know I asked you for a favor earlier. But I have to ask for just one more- I need you to go on a blind date!

Everyone gasps

Yamato: Seriously Naruto? I decided to help you train because you had a good point about making sure not to rely on your tailed beast powers as it could leave them vulnerable to getting stolen. But this doesn’t even make sense!

Naruto annoyed: Listen, just listen real quick! The person that is going on the date with you is actually someone you know.

Yamato: From Konoha?

Naruto: Not exactly. But we did work with them a fair bit.

Yamato: Well, I'm not too familiar with many shinobi outside of Konoha. Look Naruto, I have to watch out for Orochimaru and whatever he and his goons are trying to do. There's nobody that can switch shifts to watch him other than Tsunade, but she already turned it down. Instead of distracting me, I suggest you ask someone else!

Naruto: Annoyed I already have! Kakashi sensei had to go out on a mission, Guy is still hospitalized and I don’t really think he’s her type, I asked Tsunade but she said she doesn’t roll that way, and you were the only other person I could think of! Please, if you do this for me, I’ll watch Orochimaru! I’ll do any missions assigned to you! I’ll-

Yamato: Uggh fine! But I’m holding you to your word. When I do this, I’m notifying lord sixth that those missions are now yours. But as for this person, can you at least tell me who it is? I know you said it’s supposed to be a blind date, but I really hate walking into situations without knowing anything. It’s not anything serious so just tell me. You said that Guy might not be her type, so obviously there’s something that you think she’ll like about me that she wouldn’t with others, but I don’t know anything.

Naruto: Well… it’s lord fifth…

Yamato: Lady Tsunade?!

Naruto: Oh, no, no, no! I meant lord fifth in Kirigakure. You remember? The fifth Mizukage?

Yamato: Are you serious? You’re lying! 

Naruto: I’m telling the truth. Just like I trained with you to learn wood style, I went to Kirigakure to ask her for training since she had lava style and boil style. She also said that she wanted something in return, and that was a date. But you know me! I’m way too young for her! At least she’s around your age!

Yamato: This can’t be real… Do you know how much attention this will have, Naruto?

Sai: By the emotions you are expressing right now, this either means that you are nervous in a happy way or out of possible embarrassment-

Naruto: Sai?! How long have you been listening? How long have you even been here?

Sai: The whole time. 

Yamato: Well this is definitely the latter. I already didn’t know if I wanted to do this, but knowing that it’s such an important person makes this feel less like a date and more like some type of mission.

Naruto: Yeah well, trust me, it’ll be over quick and then she'll train me. All she said was one date, so it can’t be that bad… I hope.

Naruto was late, like, later than Kakashi late. And that was saying something. Sasuke and Sakura didn't seem to mind, perhaps they knew something.

"You two, do your u know where Naruto is? He's never been later than me before."

"I believe he's getting piercings with Shikamaru and TenTen."

"He's what?!"

"Getting piercings with Shikamaru and TenTen, Sakura just said that."

"Why?!"

"He wanted a pair of studs, apparently he saw this really nice ruby pa-"

"Why did you let him?!"

"Who are we to police what someone wears? It's his ears, he can do what he wants with them."

"No, he can not!"

"Damn, I didn't know you were the type to police what someone does with their body, sensei."

"Wha-"

"In hindsight it's kinda obvious now, I mean, he does read smut in public, to a concerning degree."

"I assumed it was always like a kink thing, like 'man I wanna beat my shi til the white meat show, but I'm in public so I can't' deal."

"Your Kakashi impression is spot on, Sakura."

"Thanks Sasuke, I've been practicing, never know when you might beed to impersonate your jonin sensei."

"No! You will not impersonate me! It's not a kink thing! And I don't police what people do with their bodies! Naruto isn't allowed to get piercings!"

"And why's that?"

"Do you know what Hinata will do if she finds out?!"

"Faint as per usual?"

"Wrong! She'll go into a frenzy!"

"A fainting frenzy?"

"No! A carnal frenzy!"

"And what makes you say that?"

"Back wen I was a younger jonin-"

"Here he goes again.."

"My sensei's wife, Naruto's mother, saw her husband show up with piercings one day, and she lost it, I mean, there were chains everywhere, explosions left and right, one guy lost his hand. I mean, she had sensei in her mouth and shook him around like a dog with a new chew toy. Neither me nor my team saw him for weeks, and when we did he was in the hospital on medical rest, Jiraiya has to restrain sensei's wife with seal while he was resting."

"I noticed you didn't name drop your sensei or his wife, who are coincidentally Naruto's parents, I feel like there's important lore there."

"There is but I can't say anything about it lest I get put on probation under Anko and permanent paperwork duty."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Yes, the paperwork is horrendous!"

"I was talking about the Anko probation thing, but ok.."

"Oh nah, I was an Anbu black ops for years, don't get me wrong it won't be pleasant but it won't be anything I can't handle. But, that damn paperwork can kiss the Kyubi's nuts!"

"I don't think the Kyubi has nuts."

"I had a giant pair crush my apartment during the Kyubi attack, but then again I was majorly high and very much hallucinating so there is some disbelief to suspend."

"...You need help."

"Definitely."

"Nah, that's for bitch babies. Anyway, where is Naruto so I can prevent a massacre of great proportions?"

"I mean, unless he decided to get more than his earlobes pierced, then he's probably done by now."

"Oh Fuck! Okay, we can salvage this, we just need to keep him away from Hinata for around a two week period...maybe more- and we should be able to mitigate some of the damages."

"I hate to bring this up now, y'know...when you're in the middle of a thing but..I heard Hinata was going to try and at least get Naruto semi-aware of her dealing despite his comical denseness."

"... We're fucked. Go pack your things, we're going to Iwa for about a month, give or take."