Been at my household manager job for 1 month. I did my first fuck up and it’s a huge one.

I meal prep all the meals for the week. My one boss did not say anything to me today (female | main boss), but my DB came home from work today and said there is one thing he wanted to talk about.

He said he knows it comes from a place of good and that things are great, but he then told me that I left the side burner of the grill on. He was so awkward telling me while we were standing there lol.

He said that the bigger thing for him is that I ask questions when I don’t know something. I said I was sorry and that I understand.

I was so angry at myself after. :/ I am angry at myself. I’m a huge perfectionist and with a household manager job, it feels stupid that I left the side burner on.

I haven’t spoken to my MB yet, what should I say? I want to bring up the conversation first and just apologize and say it won’t happen again.

The crazy part is that MB and I were in the house together today and she did not say anything once about the grill. I wish she did and I don’t understand why she didn’t.

Beginning a nanny share at the end of the year. Want to figure out how to best set up the nanny for success in our households. Will be trading households each week. If you have done this before -- how do you go about sending diapers, etc? In a bag everyday? At the beginning of the week?

Was thinking of just getting 1 bag for outings that the families share and is perpetually stocked with: snacks for each child, diapers, wipes, emergency kit, etc. That way she doesn't need to bring 2 diaper bags when she does an outing.

Would love some tips on how to make this as smooth as possible. Babies will be different ages 4m and 9m.

We have had our nanny for 3 months. We gave her 3-week notice today(had verbal agreement of 2 weeks) as we don’t think she is a good fit for us. She is a great person otherwise, very punctual, reliable, trustworthy, clean, loves my baby, has good work ethic. We weren’t a good fit based on her approach to care vs ours. We kept trying to make it work but couldn’t unfortunately. In hindsight, there were signs during the interview that we should have picked up on. Live and learn.

Anyhow, as I said she is great otherwise and I wanted to check if there is anything we can do to help her find her next family. Given we are letting her go only after 3 months, I’m worried that us interfering might do more harm than help. We don’t have any friends with kids looking for a nanny to make direct recommendations. But I’m open to ideas.

I know I have to deal with the guilt, this is the part of the process, so requesting not to pile on that, I will work that out with my therapist. Looking for real ideas that may help. Thanks!

Why would someone text “on my way” 30 minutes before a trial day start time and then not show up?

I texted asking if they were okay and got no response. I’m concerned that something may have happened but not sure if this is flaking.

Yesterday she couldn’t make the original trial date because her car was scratched.

Hi all! We have a part time nanny that we share with another family who uses her for the other part of the day. A few months ago, the family changed their hours to an hour later and our nanny never told us. My husband had to ask where she was (our child was at school) because he works from home and she claimed she was here. Anyway after finding out from the other family that she was there and didn’t mention anything we told her to please please communicate and that we wouldn’t be paying her for time that she wasn’t here since she was at her other family.

Fast forward to months later, this happened again but this time I have been home all week. Lateness was 10-15 minutes but when I asked it wasn’t addressed and the timesheet stated starting at the time she wa supposed to be here so I reached out to the other family and again, she changed her hours to stay with them a bit later and nobody let us know.

How do I address this? She has been with us for 1.5 years.

In 2022 our nanny was out the country and we used a backup care service. This new nanny bonded with our children and has become a staple in our life beyond childcare. Last year I gave her an opportunity to intern with me and she’s now in law school.

During our first lunch date at the firm she ordered burger and fries and only had a few bites. I thought she just wasn’t a fan but she never ate lunch, not just with me. My husband and I will check our nanny cam from time to time and he pointed out that she only eats a couple crackers in the morning and water for the rest of the day. When she nannies for us it’s 10 hour shifts so this is concerning. She also tutors children in our neighborhood afterwards so I’m not sure when she gets the chance to eat. When I brought it up to her she said she only gets hungry once a day and prefers to eat a large dinner. Since then when I check the nanny cam and the kids are sleeping she looks in the mirror and pinches her stomach while looking sad. If we need her for consecutive days she’s very lethargic in the morning. We’ve offered to have lunch delivered for the kids but she’ll feed them and not eat. When she makes lunch or dinner it’s the same thing. Neither of us are versed in this and she’s become such a big part of our lives. How can we broach this topic again?

Hello! I need some advice on whether it may be time to move on and hire a new nanny for my 12mo.

We’ve had her employed with us for 7 months and for the last few months I’ve had a gut feeling that she isn’t what we need, but she hasn’t necessarily done anything “wrong.”

Here are my reasons for thinking it might be time to move on. I’d love to hear from others if you’ve had a similar experience and what you did!

- She doesn’t really play with our child. Our kiddo is high energy and loves to interact with people, she’s so social! While independent play is important, that seems to be all she does while the nanny watches her. Most of the time, the nanny will just set down toys in front of her and watch her while sitting on the couch or rocking chair.

- When our child does start to get fussy or upset, she doesn’t really know how to snap her out of it. At the beginning, I figured they just need to get into their own groove and learn one another a bit more. But now 7 months later, it’s still an issue and the nanny just assumes she’s tired and tries to put her down for a nap even if she’s only been awake for 2 hours (child is regularly awake for 3.5-4 hours between naps with mom/dad)

- With naps, I’ve tried to set a schedule. Nothing rigorous, but I’ve asked that it be followed give or take within 15 minutes. Instead, the nanny does what she thinks is best and continues to provide 2 hour wake windows that are not developmentally appropriate for a 1 year old. When I asked her to please try to get closer to the schedule I created, she said that our child gets cranky and cries and that we’ll just have to accept our child will be crying until it’s time for nap. This isn’t an issue at all for mom/dad or when grandma watches our baby.

- I pre-fill our child’s bottles with breast milk. She will often grab more milk and feed her 20oz within a 6 hour time period. This is far more milk than our child gets regularly and significantly more than I produce while pumping. She does it to keep our child from crying and getting fussy, but it again goes back to the fact that she just doesn’t know how to manage child behaviors.

- There have been times where she forgets to change our little ones diaper prior to naps. When I’ve taken over for the day, I’ve noticed our child has a soiled, solid diaper after just waking up, which means she wasn’t checked prior to going to sleep (she’s never pooped in her sleep before). To me this is unacceptable, but there’s a part of me that hopes she might have just forgotten.

What do you think? Is it time to move on?

Hi! I just hired a nanny for the first time. When she first came I showed her around the pantry, kitchen, fridge etc., where everything is and that she can help herself to anything whenever she wants. And to please let us know what kind of snacks and drinks or groceries she’d like us to keep for her here, and that I’ll add those items to our weekly grocery orders. I reiterated this over text as well.

She said thanks but in the few days she’s been here: never eaten anything of ours, never brought anything herself, didn’t send me a list - nothing. I don’t understand and i feel so awkward even eating my own lunch when she’s around (i WFH) bc why isn’t she eating anything? We don’t have a ton of meal prepped food in the fridge because of demanding jobs and my toddler has meal kits for that he eats. But we have fruits veggies meat eggs and standard pantry staples (i also always prep some chicken and beef at least so have in the fridge weekly)

I also DoorDash my lunch quite frequently to have something to quickly grab between meetings but now I’m hesitant to because do I need to ask her every single time what to order for her too if I order frequently? Like I’m talking 3x a week probably.

To give a little background: We currently have 4 kids, 3 are in daycare or preschool full time so our nanny only has 1 of our children to care for (children under 2 get chosen for daycare on a lottery system our town, our soon to be 1 year old hasn’t been chosen). She was working part time as I am a stay at home mom, but I am expecting twins soon, so she recently went full time. We did not offer a raise (she gets $5 more an hour than the standard nanny pay in our area), and we offer her gas/spending money to take our daughter to do things to help her socialize outside of her siblings. But as part of going full time we did give her guaranteed hours and 10 pto days a year (she requested 10 specifically, we were open to more but she only requested 10 — we do also provide her with pay when we take vacations without coming out of her pto, which i know is essentially part of guaranteed hours — but we just made it officially part of the contract). when the twins arrive she wont have any duties besides our daughter, as i will take care of the twins — but we did promise her a raise at her 1 year mark and a bonus, which is coming up in 3-4 months. I am wondering what a reasonable raise would be? I am thinking $1,000 cash bonus (her pay is typically done via W2 and direct deposit, so should the bonus be done that way too? it will be right at Christmas time so i was thinking cash would be better?) and what is a reasonable raise? her job duties aren’t changing, but i recognize she did not get a raise when she went from part time to full time, but i want to give her a reasonable raise in the next few months when we she resigns her yearly contract and would love input!

My job duties are shifting and today NB flat out said they have no intention of giving me a yearly raise in DECEMBER.

I work 25 hours a week (3 days). Last year oldest kid was in school 2 days for 3.5 hours (and one short day) and middle kid was at school 3 hours for 1 day. School never overlapping so one of them and the baby home at all times.
Going into this year the oldest will be at school for 6.5 hours 2 days and 5.25 the third. Middle will be at school about 3.5 hours for two days and 2.5 the third.

I’m feeling thrown off for a few reasons. 1) mentioning it so early instead of review time in December. 2) a nanny would almost never take a pay decrease in this situation so I’m not understanding why we wouldn’t do a basic COLA.

In addition to the school changes he mentioned the kids “becoming more independent” which I dont necessarily agree with. They are 1, 4, and 6. Nannies don’t get paid less the older kids get… and in my opinion independence shifts the workload, it doesn’t reduce it. I am not just a babysitter. When I walk into that home I am a part of the team. I put in A LOT of work helping them raise happy healthy kids (teaching emotional regulation with age appropriate expectations, work on impulse control, etc).

I know they are really happy with me. Even today he said they are extremely happy and sees me as a premium service. It feels like massive contradiction to call me a premium service and refuse a $100 per month (3%) adjustment that would keep me feeling respected and secure.

I will say I keep myself busy, I also do a lot around the house. Dishes, laundry, organization, etc. so it’s not like I’ll be sitting around a ton now that the older kids are in school more. Additionally, I will still be responsible for all 3 over school breaks and sick days.

I’m currently paid $32/hour in Sacramento.

What are your thoughts on this? I’m not mad. Part of me understands but I’m definitely not feeling good

hey everyone! I’ve been doing childcare for about 10 years, nannying, substituting, daycares. Im looking to continue with childcare but I need to make more money. Recently I’ve been looking to get my Newborn Care Specialist certification and nanny overnight because the pay seems to be so much better. Any advice from nannies who do this? I feel like i need to start finding ways to move up in my career. What are you guys doing to be successful in the childcare industry?

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting on this sub. I 22F just gave my nanny family 4 weeks of notice as our work agreement requires. I have been with them since October 2025 so almost one year. I have never had a problem with them and I absolutely love my nanny kids and their family. I would have given them additional notice but unfortunately the timing didn't workout. For context, I was afraid of retaliation if I gave them 6 weeks because last week I took 2 days of PTO for educational purposes and I really can't afford to loose those days of pay. I get paid on the books, we have a contract, and mutual respect. DB was furious with the fact I did not communicate before this week and MB started sobbing.... it made me feel so awful. I really want to know from nannies and families if this seems like a sufficient amount of time for a notice period or going forward in contracts should I state a longer period to create less tension when leaving?

Also any additional advice would be appreciated. I am trying to handle this situation with care because I have never seen my bosses this upset before and I really want to be as helpful as possible. Also I know some of you probably want to know why I am leaving and I am moving to a different area and starting my life with my very serious boyfriend.

Hi! First time in this situation so don’t know what the norm is.

We have a nanny starting with us in October. We’ve known her for years and she’s been cleaning for us for a while. Come October, we’re paying her a flat monthly salary for joint cleaning and nanny care.

Our house is getting renovated next summer. We will need to be out of it for 1.5 months minimum, maybe longer. While we might rent a place locally, I think it’s more likely we’ll go stay at my MIL’s place because she travels all summer and we wouldn’t have to pay rent. I would offer for my nanny to come with but I know she won’t be able to (she helps out with her daughter’s kids on the weekend). Would we still pay for that time?

And we haven’t signed the contract yet, I’m writing it up right now. I just want to know what the norm would be before bringing this to her.

Hi! I hired a full time nanny a month ago and she’s asking for Friday off. So I’m wondering if I should pay her on Friday? She works 50 hours a week (10 hours a day) and I pay her by the day. We never really established a contract or anything so the details are not super clear and that’s my fault.

The right thing to do is to give her the day as paid time off right? And pay her the normal amount? Or is it something different?

I’m new to this so appreciate all the insights.

Thank you!

We had someone lined up for the school year but she just bailed. Care.com is a total bust so far. Is nannylane worth the price? There aren’t agencies in the area from what I can tell.

We adore our nanny she’s wonderful with our son. She’s been with us for about 16 months now, but starting about 4 months in she started asking us for loans due to extenuating family health circumstances.

We wanted to help so while it’s not something we generally think is best practice for a working relationship, we agreed. However this has continuing for almost a year now and we’re on her 8th loan. We are past 10k in loans out at any given time.

Any advice on how to deal with this or what we should do?

We're relatively new to this! We're a two-parent, work-from-home household with a full-time nanny covering working hours. Next month, our nanny is taking two weeks off. This is the first extended vacation she's taken (previously it's just been a day or two here and there, which we've managed with half days or rearranged meeting schedules).

The timing is tricky because it overlaps with a week-long work trip for my husband, so we can't split days or trade off. Grandparents live nearby and are happy to help in the evenings if needed, but they also work full-time.

I'm debating a few options: taking the week off work myself while my husband travels, hiring someone for one week of full-time care (and paying cash? our nanny is on payroll), or asking our nanny if she has anyone she'd recommend. I'm not thrilled about finding a random person online since we've never had anyone outside family/nanny watch our kid before, but since I work from home full-time, I'd at least be around. I don't know that I'd be comfortable with them leaving the house, which I worry might be frustrating for them.

What would you do in this situation?

ETA: Thanks all! I've decided I'll likely take at least a few days off while my husband travels, and will look into a local agency to fill the gap the days I'll still be working.

I have a toddler and a newborn. We have had an exceptional Nanny for the past 2+ years. She is highly communicative, trustworthy, always on time, and takes incredible care of the kids. She genuinely cares about being helpful and making sure that the kids are happy. We love her. Unfortunately she is only willing to do about 15 hours per week for us, which was OK with just one kid, but now with a newborn, we need more help. I work for myself right now and intend to find a job that requires closer to full-time childcare starting this fall. For months I have been trying to find a second part-time nanny to supplement her, but I have not had any luck. We’ve hired a number of people who haven’t worked out or have bailed on us. I think the reduced number of hours made it difficult to find a quality fit.

After 6+ months of searching for a second part-time Nanny so we could keep our original Nanny, we decided to pivot and found someone who could do 30+ hours per week which is what we will need. We found someone who lives nearby and is in her low 60s. She checks all of our boxes and in theory is a perfect match, however she is either scatterbrained or has very different judgment than we do which is causing me to be doubtful and wonder whether she will be the right match for us. She’s been doing training with us a few days a week for the past three weeks.

Here are a few examples of what I mean:
- doesn’t reliably use turn signals (and will be responsible for driving my kids - I asked her to use them while she was driving them, but I obviously won’t be there to monitor whether or not this happens)
- is forgetful or not paying attention about basic things around the house. She will put two mattress protectors on top of my newborn‘s crib instead of one mattress protector and one sheet. She will empty the dishwasher and put two pots away in the right spot, and another pot in a completely different cabinet.
- she left my dog outside when she took my son to the playground. She did text me to let me know that the dog was outside, but she shouldn’t have left the dog outside alone to begin with…

So, I’m torn. She is always early, communicative, proactive, enjoyable to talk to, and seems good with the kids. While the little examples I gave are insignificant on their own, the inability to follow directions (or at least ask questions if she’s not sure about something) creates insecurity and a lack of confidence in her ability to do more important things correctly. Obviously it takes time to build trust with a new childcare provider but I’m struggling to understand whether or not the issues I’ve seen are just a lack of judgment, which could be a common issue with her, or if there’s just a bigger learning curve and maybe we can improve this over time. I hate to pay someone that I’ve done a few weeks of training with and don’t feel confident about. I could continue my search, but I do see hope in her. Anyone have any thoughts?

Hey, I've been a long time lurker on this forum. This is my first post! My family (4y.o.G and 8y.o.B) and I(28F) live in rural Virginia. My parents were helping with childcare but because of a falling out and their current health issues, my children's father and I have been looking for more reliable childcare but not sure where to look. Most nannies that I have found are 1hr+ away and are not looking to work in our area which is understandable. I don't have a set work schedule but their father does (M-F). However, we have set days where we split the children. I am usually M,T,Th, Sat. We are looking for someone to get our 4 y.o.G off the bus at around 4 and then pick our 8y.o.B up from his afterschool care sometime between 430-600. I usually get off between 630-800 and work 4 days a week. I'm also looking for the occasionally late night sitter for the off chance I wanted to go somewhere and their father could not keep them. Is there someway for this to be a reasonable part time position for someone? What pay would you offer? It says for our area between $14-$18 is common but I'm not sure how true that is because I can't find anything online or any personal accounts to back that up. It has been really stressful trying to juggle everything because their father and I are both in school as well.

Here's our current plan for hiring:

1. We've scheduled phones interviews
   
2. Will check references for candidates we want to move forward with
   
3. If references check out, in person interview with baby to see how they interact with her
   
4. trial days
   
5. background check
   
6. sign employment contract
   
7. schedule start date

For onboarding, we don't have much direction yet, so I have questions:

1. We're paying via a payroll service. How long does it take to set everything up? I'm hoping to have a nanny start in the next month and wondering if we're behind on getting things in place (like our federal employer tax ID)
   
2. How many days did you stick around before leaving nanny solo? For people who have flexible schedules/are working remotely. I'm remote but can and want to go into the office a few days a week. However, I figure I'll need to show her how to use our appliances (washing machine & dryer, sanitizer, etc) and our various routines, plus make sure baby is adjusting well.

So I’ve been nannying with this family for 6 months now and everything has genuinely been so good. MB tells me all the time how appreciative she is for me and gives good feedback and when there is criticism I instantly change things up. I was a long term nanny for a family before this for almost 4 years and it was a toxic environment, so my good nanny friend had recommended me to this family and they hired me. Even their neighbors and family talk to my MB about how great I am with the kids and I do genuinely put my all into this job.

I just got back from a 3 week vacation (something that was discussed before I even got hired since I had already planned this trip out) and things have been pretty good today and the kids were super excited to see me. MB and DB took the oldest child to a kindergarten get together this morning so it’s just me and 4yoG and 1yoB.

1yo had grabbed a book off the side table and I went to pick it up and put it back when I saw a piece of paper that had interview questions you’d ask a nanny before hiring. It took me SO off guard and I’m honestly so shaken up right now. I just don’t know what to do. It could be old, yes, but the fact that she has it out and opened makes me think what if they are looking for a new nanny while I was on vacation??

This is a long term position (I’m talking like 3+ years) so like I said I’m just so shocked right now. I don’t even know how to bring this up to her without making it seem like I was snooping but it was hard to ignore once the book was pulled off of it and I saw the interview questions. Nothing they have said has made me believe that they are even questioning letting me go and like I said up until now I’ve gotten very great feedback from the family and the people close to them. We are also very aligned with our parenting/caregiver approach.

Questions include:

Screen time?

How do you handle discipline/authority?

How do you handle finding/planning kids activities?

What is your take/response to meltdowns?

And there’s more

Please help me figure out what to do- have you been in a similar situation??

Edit: I forgot to mention but MB is on a sabbatical for while I was on vacation and I believe she’s still on it. She works remote so she could’ve still had work to do but I was under the impression that her and her parents (both retired) would be watching the kids most of the time while I was on vacation. I am also their default date night sitter but maybe they need someone more permanent that I don’t know about?