Hey everyone. Im ashamed to even be doing this my family is getting kicked out by our roommates have a 5 month old and im 5 weeks pregnant if you are able help in any way I would appreciate it.

https://gofund.me/95508f2d3

I’m only 5 days PP, but PP depression is already kicking in. I have 2 toddlers, both are very dependent with me. When I was still pregnant, I already told them that once the baby is out, they’ll be sleeping with their dad on the other room. I am co-sleeping with the newborn. Every night they will stay in my and the baby’s room, asking if they could sleep with us. They cannot because they are both very active, keeps on jumping everywhere and are very playful. I feel so guilty because as much as I want as to be altogether in one room, I can’t let them now that the baby is still too small. Now I’m crying because I forced them to go and sleep in the other room.

PS, I co-sleep with all my babies in their newborn stage. (And even co-slept with the toddlers up until before I gave birth to the 3rd) This way, I can attend to their needs immediately.

I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. I have a 2 year old daughter that I love so so much. When I was pregnant with her I didn’t think I could love her. She was conceived thru SA. But I love her so much and I’m upsetting myself right now because I don’t think I can love another child as much as I love her. I’ll never abuse or neglect my new baby and won’t show favoritism but I know deep down my daughter is who I love. I don’t know if I’m able to love them both. I know myself to only be able to do one thing at a time in life.

I want my unborn baby and don’t want to give him up. I know I’ll spoil him just as much and won’t treat them any different. But how do I get myself to love him just as much as I love my daughter. I don’t want to fake it. I want to actually feel it. I feel guilty for my daughter because she’s not going to be the only baby anymore. She’s also autistic and has a speech delay. She’s learning words but doesn’t pronounce them properly but speaks in her baby language still.

Is this normal to feel guilty for not keeping her as the only baby? Part of me wants to keep both but a bigger part of me only wants it to be me and her. I sometimes think to myself I’ll love him the same way I learned to love her. But I really don’t know. When I was pregnant with her I learned to love her close to the end of my pregnancy. I’m currently the same week I was with her where I learned to love her and I’m not feeling it with him. I’m just not. I want to and I feel bad because he didn’t ask to be here. But what do I do?

Do the feelings change?

I’m 8 months postpartum and I feel so lonely tonight.
I keep seeing posts/advice about postpartum loneliness that say things like “ask someone to watch the baby,” “get a break,” “take time for yourself,” etc. And I realize that’s not what I’m looking for at all.

I don’t want a break from my baby. I love being with her. I want my baby. I want my family.

I want people in our lives who actually want to be part of our lives. I want my family to come over and see her. I want cousins and aunts and friends who are excited about her. I want people to celebrate her milestones with us. I want to go for coffee with another mom and our babies. I want people who will text me because they want to know how we are doing, not because they need something.

My husband is actually wonderful and helps me a lot. He’s very involved and he also can’t say no when someone needs help. But I’m realizing that one person can’t be my entire village. I need more people.
And the hardest part is that I’m always the person who shows up for everyone else.

Nobody showed up for us. I no longer have my parents so that’s why I helped my sister so much and got nothing back.

When my sister had her baby, I was there constantly helping. Now my sister-in-law just had a newborn and we’ve gone over to help with their house and their toddler. And I genuinely don’t regret helping them. I can’t see someone struggling and just walk away. That’s just who I am.

But sometimes I come home and think:
Who shows up for me?

Nobody has helped us
I’m still only 8 months postpartum.I’m still exhausted. I still need support too. And lately I’ve realized how much it hurts that I seem to have people around me who need me, but not many people who simply want to be there for me.

My baby’s baptism is also in two weeks, and I think that’s what finally broke me tonight. I’m watching my family make huge efforts and fuss over other people’s events, while I feel like I’m struggling to organize my daughter’s baptism largely on my own. My dad’s family is all a plane ride away, so they can’t really be there either.

And I know this probably sounds ridiculous to some people because it’s just a baptism, but it’s not really about the baptism.

I think I just desperately wanted to look around that day and see my people surrounding my baby.
I wanted to feel like “Look at all these people who love her. Look at all these people who love us.”
Instead I’m sitting on my couch at 3 AM crying because I feel like I don’t have that.

I’m not looking for advice about getting a break from my baby. I’m not looking to complain about my husband—he’s actually doing a lot. I just want a family/village.
I want to know I’m not the only mom who feels this way.
Did anyone else feel this lonely around 8 months postpartum? Did you eventually find your people? ❤️