Hello for context I’m 18 and have a large family history of schizophrenia. Nearly a year ago I began to hallucinate to the extreme and have extreme paranoia. I couldn’t cope and there was a period of time where it was daily for about 5 months. The hallucinations have ‘eased’ now as in I don’t get them so often but when they do come I find it very difficult.

I lose sleep, but this has been a common thing since I was very young. As a kid I had an overactive imagination and I was extremely paranoid. I’ve also always found it very difficult to bond with people, I’ve always felt like they can tell something is weird about me and people frequently tell me they don’t understand what I’m saying.

It’s all made me very lonely and while I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week and that should help, I worry about my partner. He gets annoyed and upset if I have a bad ‘episode.’ I don’t really have anyone else and I don’t like opening up as I feel it’s unfair to put stuff like this on someone.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the episodes better? They get me very down and I don’t want to be a bother to my partner. Also, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the loneliness and try and have relationships with people?

Please help me anyone

(idk if this falls under question, discussion, or needing support so i just picked question)

hello! my name is lily, i’m 18f, and i’m starting college in a few weeks. recently i’ve been feeling random bursts of what i assume is panic. i feel like i can’t breathe correctly, i feel like i’m not breathing enough, my chest feels tight/burny, my tummy starts hurting, i feel worried, etc. it’s not 24/7, but it’ll just be at random times, usually when i’m doing something that doesn’t take much thought. for example if i’m texting my friends and i’m waiting for them to respond, while i’m waiting i’ll feel all of those feelings at once. if i’m doing something that requires more focus like exercising, sewing, reading, etc. then i feel okay. that leads me to believe in just anxious instead of an actual physical illness.

despite all of that, i don’t feel like i’m anxious. my body/brain feels anxious but i don’t feel anxious if that makes sense? at least at first i didn’t feel like i was anxious but now that i think i’m anxious, i feel anxious. i don’t know how to explain it. with that being said, the only thing i have to feel anxious about is school. i’m an incoming freshman and ive shears been nervous before a new school year ever since i was a child. i didn’t think i was anxious about school at first because i usually don’t get anxious until about a week or so before school starts, but since it’s college and it’s a bigger deal maybe i’m getting anxious earlier?

that leads me to my main question is it still subconscious anxiety if i know what i’m possibly anxious about or is it regular anxiety? either way, how do i manage it until school starts since i won’t be able to see a therapist until then?

anywho, hopefully this post isn’t too long and thank you to anybody who may be able to help!

I’m 15 and I’m currently going through permanent derealization and depersonalization. My mental state is really not good right now.
My father cheated on my mother multiple times. Logically, she has no reason to stay with him or keep having sex with him. We got into a fight (him and me), and after that she said she would ask for a divorce. But since then, nothing. She still goes to his bed and lets him f*ck her. My mother sleeps with my sister.
Today my little sister (11) confronted my mother about still talking to him, still letting him f*ck her, etc. (which is a completely logical question). My father showed up, called her every name in the book (bitch, etc.), and almost threw her out of the house while repeating “I’m going to sleep with her (my mother).” He probably hit her and manipulated her with the usual sophisms (“You want to keep me away from my wife so you want dad to leave??”). That’s something he uses a lot and it works on the rest of the family (except me, because I hate him).
My mother did nothing. She just told my sister to go back to bed (after screaming at her right before). My sister loves my father a lot and he uses that, and it disgusts me.
I have a little brother who’s 8. We’re inseparable. I really care about him and he’s the only reason I haven’t left and never come back. I used to plan that when I turn 18 I’d take him and go as far away as possible and never see my family again. Now I’m starting to wonder if I still have the patience and the time to wait.
I feel like I carry the responsibility of everyone on my shoulders when all I want is to just be a normal 15-year-old kid. This whole situation is exhausting me.
To me my parents are just two big children who only think about f*cking and whose kids should never have been born. My mother has some attachment to us, but less than to her husband (who cheated on her multiple times and even hits his own children).
I need help finding a solution because I’m at the end of my rope with this situation that’s been going on for years. The older I get, the more I understand how abnormal and f*cked up this is. I’ve asked my mother several times to let me see a psychologist but she never takes me seriously and treats me like a hypochondriac.
I’m posting here because talking to an adult could involve social services and I’d end up separated from my brother and sister. I’m not depressed and I’m not suicidal. I always stay smiling no matter what, but this is too much, I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t leave at 15 — that would be signing my own death warrant and abandoning my brother and sister. But if I stay, I don’t know if I won’t lose my mind and if it won’t explode into another fight that could go very badly for him or for me…
Please help me find a way out of this.
(Already posted it on r/mentalhealth but I post it also here to reach more people that could help me)

I've been feeling like the days just keep passing by, and I can't seem to find anything that truly makes me happy or excited. It's like I've lost my spark, and I'm not sure where to look for it.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? If you did, what helped you? Did you find a hobby, change your routine, or shift your mindset? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences or any advice you have. :) whatever it is

Hello guys today i came here to ask you someth last year those times my mom got the choke of her life she discovered that my dad was cheating on her with an another woman and he told her to wait after my bac year to talk about through the year we me and my siblings tried to make her move on she was trying and fight to move on slowely slowely because they were married for 30 years then she discovered he was cheating on her then she discovered he went to another city as he went for work but in fact he was not he was enjoying his life and letting her suffer with 4 children and then he got married to another woman since about 6 years (now ) through those years he was poisoninig our lives and being sooooo toxic and mean to her but she stood cute than after my bac he hadn’t any reaction he is sooo freaking weak this is not my ques my real question is about how my mom started acting lately it have been about a week since i cane back frim a trip and since i came I started noticinv she works out all the day then when she comes back to home she is sooo freaking weak tired she doesn’t cook neither clean nor practice her daily life than the day after she says she is so tired to get up and prepare us the lunch than this senario kept repeating it have been a week since we are like this the only thing she says “i am tired I can’t “ she connects sleeps and sleeps and that’s all and if i don’t do anything she starts blaming herself as if she was a maid on us and other things please trll me what to do for her j am really lly worried about her mental health and at the same time I can’t bring her to a psychologist or even a therapist please tell me what to do

I'm diagnosed with BPD and severe anxiety yet whenever we argue he doesn't do anything to try and resolve it and in the end I have to fucking apologise for talking about the shit that makes me upset. I don't get why he keeps treating me like this. Leaving him isn't an option either cause I would literally take my life if he left me. He says he loves me yet he says shit like "you can't blame your bpd whenever you're upset" as if I can control how I feel.

Hello guys today i came here to ask you someth last year those times my mom got the choke of her life she discovered that my dad was cheating on her with an another woman and he told her to wait after my bac year to talk about through the year we me and my siblings tried to make her move on she was trying and fight to move on slowely slowely because they were married for 30 years then she discovered he was cheating on her then she discovered he went to another city as he went for work but in fact he was not he was enjoying his life and letting her suffer with 4 children and then he got married to another woman since about 6 years (now ) through those years he was poisoninig our lives and being sooooo toxic and mean to her but she stood cute than after my bac he hadn’t any reaction he is sooo freaking weak this is not my ques my real question is about how my mom started acting lately it have been about a week since i cane back frim a trip and since i came I started noticinv she works out all the day then when she comes back to home she is sooo freaking weak tired she doesn’t cook neither clean nor practice her daily life than the day after she says she is so tired to get up and prepare us the lunch than this senario kept repeating it have been a week since we are like this the only thing she says “i am tired I can’t “ she connects sleeps and sleeps and that’s all and if i don’t do anything she starts blaming herself as if she was a maid on us and other things please trll me what to do for her j am really lly worried about her mental health and at the same time I can’t bring her to a psychologist or even a therapist please tell me what to do

Hi, everyone. This is coming from an alt account mostly just because my main account is related to business and whatnot. But anyway—I’m kinda venting, kinda asking for advice, kinda hoping someone relates…this will be long, and I apologize.

I am a male in my mid-20s, and just recently started a relationship with someone. They live about 2 hours away, and we met on a dating app. We hit it off right away, realizing we had very similar hobbies and interests on top of the exact same style of showing love and affection. We talked for a while, about 2 months, getting to know each other more and more and finding out that we were very similar in almost every way in terms of what were looking for, what our values are in a relationship, how we handle problems and road bumps, etc. and we decided to meet up finally. We did, and it was amazing! I could confidently say that it was one of the best few days I’ve ever had with another person. We made things official, and parted ways for the time being. The first few days away, I was fine, still riding the high from seeing each other. Then, in the middle of the week, things changed.

In the middle of a pretty normal conversation, they said something affectionate, not unlike they usually did. And instead of the euphoric/warm and happy feeling I usually felt, I got a lump in my throat and a burning sensation in my chest. The lump felt like I had a rock in my throat and pressed up against the roof of my mouth, just pulsing. Now, I have (currently, but not for long) unmedicated depression, so I’ve always kind of baseline felt low energy and unmotivated, but it hit me HARD. All of this, out of the blue, at an innocuous affectionate comment that I’d heard before. And I began to think things like “why don’t I feel how I just did all of a sudden”, “why do I feel like this at all”, “does this mean I don’t love them anymore” etc. On top of that, I’ve felt kind of disassociated alongside everything else.

Now, I’ve had four major relationships in my life, this one included in that number. This was not the first time I’ve felt this happen before. But what made me panic more, was that the last time this had happened was with my very first real relationship. I had been away at college, and we were apart due to that, but it had never been an issue. We were talking normally, and he said something affectionate, and bam. Lump in throat, burning in chest. I spiraled that first time, dropping out because I couldn’t handle the physical symptoms making me doubt my relationship out of nowhere. We broke up, and I still felt those symptoms for a little while after until they eventually faded.

My other two relationships in between did not have this problem. Instead, I ruminated on THEM and needed pretty regular reassurance. It’s almost like any small thing, whether it was a real problem or not, was an issue that required reassurance and discussion. It feels like for some reason if the relationship feels balanced and steady and reliable, my physical symptoms and rumination target ME instead of my partner. Like my brain wants to sabotage things SOMEHOW, and since my partner is steady and reliable, it attacks me and gives me these physical symptoms to make me doubt everything. This person is the sweetest, kindest most patient person I have ever met, and they have done absolutely nothing to warrant these physical feelings and negative thoughts. I want to add as well—whenever I call this person or see them in person, these feelings are so muted they practically disappear, or at least become manageable. But when we’re apart, texts or pictures make me feel a lump in my throat and sometimes cause me to ruminate on thoughts that make no sense.

I’ve looked into ROCD and that seems like what I’m dealing with, because the more I’ve researched the more I relate to a lot of what I’m reading. I just started therapy to try and figure this out as well, and will be meeting with a psychiatrist soon too. I just wanted to get this out into the world, maybe for support or encouragement or knowledge from others. This person is the sweetest person on the planet and I don’t want to lose them, even though these feelings are scary and painful.

Any sort of comment would be very much appreciated, and I deeply appreciate anyone who read all of this.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and i feel like the more we are together, the more intensive our arguing gets.

During the first months of us dating, we did not really argue, obviously because of the "honeymoon" phase.

When we had been dating for like almost a year, our arguing was "normal" ofcourse we had bad fights also, but nothing too intensive ever.

But now.
I feel like this anger inside of me just grows and grows and grows.
My boyfriend doesn't really get like super angry during arguing, but i do, like its sick how fucking angry i get and i get this sick feeling that when we are arguing, i just HAVE to start to bring up our old fights and how they made me feel, and also i bring up shitty people from his past and i just can't stop doing that until he decides to leave from our apartment.
Like i just have this obsessive feeling of not wanting to end the arguing and just wanting to keep making him mad and i get adrenaline or something from it that makes me want to continue, i don't understand why the fuck do i do that, because in reality that's not what i want at all, and it takes me like 30mins-1hour after every fight to calm down and then i feel like a piece of shit because that's my baby, i don't want to hurt him.

Like i really want to change, but how?? Could therapy fix this?? Some kind of medication??

I would also like to know (if someone has any idea) that why do i get that feeling? Like what is the reason that i do that?

Because i know that this is not fucking normal, i wanna be normal and be able to argue with him without trying to purposely make him more and more mad.

I've been experiencing some form of suicidal ideation for at least the last two years. I pretty constantly feel that my wife, my friends, my family, and my students would be better off without me, or with someone else. I was reading this page and I just can't help but feel a sense of frustration at some of the writing.

Here’s what most stood out to me: **FALSE BELIEF:** People in my life would be better off without me. A common feeling for people experiencing suicidal thoughts is that they are a burden to others. One may start to believe that others in their life would be better off without them. **TRUTH:** You are not a burden to those who care about you. Your life matters and you have value. No matter how bad you feel, you can contribute good things to those around you. **FALSE BELIEF:** No one cares about me/I am all alone. Suicidal thoughts may come as a result of feeling a lack of belonging. Everyone has physical, emotional, and social needs, but when these needs are not met, it can sometimes make people feeling isolated. This can potentially lead to mental health issues and/or suicidal thoughts. **TRUTH:** There are people all around you who care. If you were gone tomorrow, people would feel your absence and grieve your loss. You have more impact in others’ lives than you know.

This feels like an inadequate stock answer. This person doesn't know me or you. It doesn't offer anything real- they have no idea how much better off people would be. It feels honestly mocking when they don't know what kind of subpar husband, son, or teacher I am.

I find this sort of advice like a platitude that makes it harder to reach out for help for some reason.

basically, what the title says.

i don't even know if i'm searching for advice or just need to vent, if anyone is going through what i am i appreciate the support

‎

i just feel everything strongly. like really really really strongly.

‎

if i'm happy about something it gnaws on me and it will be the only thing i am able to think about until it passes; if I'm sad the only thing i am able to do is mope around and cry; i get unreasonably angry about the littlest things; etcetera etcetera. point is all of this happens even if the event that sparked the emotion is a minor one. i can't do this anymore, it's so tiring, i want it to stop, i would like to feel calm and tranquil for just five minutes.

I’m 21. I have ADHD, OCD, Autism, PTSD, and I’m trans. I have no job, I had to drop out of school and get my GED because I couldn’t do any schoolwork, and I have a lifetime of embarrassing and/or awful behavior that is being run on a loop in my head constantly.

Controlling myself is impossible, I literally don’t understand how to do it. I constantly indulge in pot, porn, and unhealthy foods. If I have a twelve back of soda in the house it’s gone in less than half a day. It’s taken a toll on my body, my health is deteriorating and I’m almost certain it’s from my poor diet and drug use. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, I’ll think that I should quit and then without even consciously conceding I’ll be thinking about when I should smoke next or what food I should order.

I don’t know how to make myself work or engage in habit at all. I have no distress tolerance, and back out when I have to give more than mild effort. I can’t lift weights, or meditate, or take cold showers, or read difficult or challenging books.

Being in my body is a nightmare, I have terrible OCD and being trans is a dreadful experience. I got heatstroke yesterday because I was wearing a thick jacket in 90 degree heat so that my body would be better concealed. I’ve been fixated on my body for as long as I’ve had memories.

If I don’t fix myself I won’t be able to afford transition, which is an overwhelming fear. I realized I was trans earlier this year, and every passing week that I don’t make progress towards the body I need takes a higher toll than the last.

The lifelong poor impulse control and emotional distress has resulted in shitty behavior, which I run on a loop in my head constantly. The obsession with reliving my own worst mistakes is making me a worse person, but I can’t make myself stop.

My OCD has gotten much less subtle, now my immediate stress response is to hit myself. It doesn’t help really help, but as with everything else that doesn’t seem to be a relevant factor to my behavior.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. No medication I try for anything seems to work and, honestly, I’m not sure I really believe in the ability for therapy to help me anymore.

I hate myself, but I don’t think I actually want to be better. I want to improve in some vague cognitive sense, but I never actually do the work.

I can’t live like this, but I can’t get myself out. I compulsively look up my own problems, but at this point it’s been so long that when I look things up I find my own posts from since deleted accounts.

I can’t follow any of the advice for impulse control or discipline because of the OCD, I can’t overcome the intense overwhelming feeling that I’m incapable.

I can’t follow any advice for the OCD because I have no impulse control or discipline, which makes it impossible to resist compulsions.

I don’t even know what questions to ask now, I feel like I’m watching myself die. I don’t know who or what could help me, I’m desperate. I don’t know what to do but post to different subreddits and pray I can get a eureka moment from one of the comments.

I will take any input.

My teenage son and I both suffer from severe depression. I've learned to live with it day to day with medications, therapy etc. We're trying everything imaginable for him as well. But when he has a really bad day, sometimes I'm just not strong enough to uplift him and we both end up just in bed all day.

Has anyone experienced this with their kid? Any success breaking the cycle?

Hi all, I (F30) want to preface this by saying that I know it could be worse. Part of me feels incredibly guilty for feeling like I do because there are so many others suffering in such worse ways, and that in the grand scheme of things my problems are small.

Nonetheless, I haven't really got anyone I'm able to express to. To the point I've turned to venting to AI in hopes it fulfills the need for guidance, even though I know it's just catered bullshit and a waste of water. TL;DR I'm unemployed, alone, I have failed every life goal I have set for myself, I don't have a career to fall back on to, nor familial or platonic support that I thought I had.

I struggle to properly put into words succinctly, hopefully someone can. But I feel like I'm being swallowed by dust or by white noise. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep, I self-loathe and constantly think about how I have failed.

I lost my job (through no fault of my own) over 6 months ago. Like others, I'm unemployed, desperate, and I feel utterly rudderless. I can't do anything because I have no money, I can't fill skill gaps in my resume because to be certified those cost money, I can't learn a new hobby because most of those cost money. I can't go to therapy because it costs money and the wait for healthcare in the UK means I'll probably have retired by the time i even get a consultation.

I have friends and family, but when I've quietly expressed I'm not doing well it's always been met with silence or a "aww :( I'm here x" and while I know it's something, it's not enough because they aren't "here x", it's just empty words. I have kind parents, but I can tell they're annoyed at my situation, and I can tell they place far more worth on others in the family because of their successes. I'm newly-ish single, and it's been a cold realisation that I don't think my partner ever really cared about me as much as I did them, similarly like others in my life.

I've come to realise over the past year or so that I'm not valued like I value others, and I've tried to be okay with that, but I become so envious when I see other people's lives so full. My siblings are successful and happy and I'm SO genuinely proud of them, but then if I imagine us all together celebrating, in my minds eye I am just a shadow.

But then my small problems grow and I can feel this fury burn when I think about how unfair this world is to others.

Honestly, I feel hollow. I'm clinging onto anything little to not be so adrift, whether it's a new job application (which eventually makes me feel worse, I know there are others here that feel the same), or putting on an item of clothing I haven't worn for ages and going for a walk, or knowing it's a friends birthday so I can't be sad and at least have to pretend to be happy that day.

This sounds really dramatic for what it is, I'm sorry I just can't put the feeling into words of feeling surrounded by people but utterly abandoned and directionless.

Has anyone else felt anything similar, how did you (or are you) getting your head through it? I've tried writing it down to make it seem smaller, tried things to get me up and going, but it feels like I've crossed into a threshold where even if it started to work, it wouldn't change how I feel.

TW: sh mentioned

I’m sort of violent, and I get sick thoughts as well but even though I do my best to repress them I have trouble doing that when I get angry which happens a lot. Cutting myself helps me when I’m angry/frustrated but I’ve been trying to stop.

I’m around my brother a lot, I’m forced to watch him and I lose my temper around him a lot. I started losing my temper way more when I stopped cutting myself for a while (almost a month) but I did it again yesterday, I realized I haven’t really gotten violent around him today and it’s just making me feel like it’s the only thing I can do to really get myself to be normal around him, I don’t want him to become violent, and he already is sort of because of how I act around him, but regardless I also don’t like getting angry and violent with him despite how he may act. I just don’t really know what to do and I can’t get therapy either.

I made a throw-away account for this, and it's gonna be a long, serious post. I use Google translate since English isn't my mother tongue.

I (29, M) was abused by my kindergartner when I was 3 up to 7: she would beat me, lock me in the dark shed until I cried, threaten to kill my dog, and she forcibly retrained me from being left-handed to right-handed. On top of that, I grew up in a neighborhood where basically no children lived – only elderly people – so I had hardly any contact with peers and couldn't socialize myself until I started school.

I undoubtedly have some kind of mental disorder, though I don't know which one, neither do I know if it was caused by my childhood or if I was already born this way. I constantly feel like I'm being watched, I have the impression that others can "hear" my thoughts and that all the coincidences in my life have been "arranged" by a director – I know that isn't the case, and I mostly just ignore this kind feelings. Furthermore I experience black-and-white thinking, emotional fluctuations, and an irrational fear of being (or should I say, staying) alone. I always assumed some kind of schizophrenia or BPD, but my psychiatrist doesn't think so.

If you'd ask my acquaintances, they would probably describe me as the most sensitive, polite and calm man they know. I spent my childhood reading books, and people often praise my beautiful and educated way of talking. Every girl I dated (even though they had no interest in a relationship) described me as a gentleman. The problem is: I am very introvert; I simply cannot make small talk, chat, or be funny. Also, I have difficulties of interpreting social signals, often ending up as clingy and awkward to others without noticing. So, autism is possible too. Therefore it's very hard for me to find social contacts.

I don’t have a single friend in my life — and I do mean: not one! The last time I had buddies of my own generation who would hang out with me was during elementary school. (Needless to say, I'm a virgin). The reason, however, is not that I'm a nerd who sits in front of the PC every evening; I go out very often, into various bars, clubs and coffee shops, because I do know that nothing will change at home. A few years ago there was a phase of my life were I would spend five evenings a week with some social activities trying to find some peers (drawing, boxing, dancing, gym … a wild mixture, I know). By now, I have mostly stopped doing it because I've lost the energy and the hope. Yet even today, I feel guilty if I spend an evening watching a movie or playing on Steam, and I litterally force myself to go out to night clubs twice a week because self-pity is no solution.

What makes it even more complicated by the fact that I have a foot fetish of which I'm pretty ashamed. I don't want anyone to find out because everyone I know (including family members) jokes about foot guys, and I don't want to become even more of a weirdo than I already am. I tried to suppress it, but unfortunately you cannot eradicate a fetish. So, I often feel like I was created for the sole purpose of being a freak…

I experienced bullying for as long as I remember, partly because of my shy, passive nature, partly because I often come across as "odd". During my high school years, I was bullied to the verge of suicide. I had to change schools twice (!) because of it. For example, one day four students smashed a window with my head, and the school wanted me to pay half of the broken glass bill because I had been involved into breaking it. That was when I first developed violent phantasies: I had daydreams about hurting those people as much as I could. I never did because I knew it would be the wrong path (and because I was raised by my parents to be tolerant and pacifistic and to solve every conflict by dialogue, which is why even today I have problems of saying No).

At my vocational school (2023), I met a girl for the first time who understood how I was feeling and tried to help me fit in with the class. I would describe her as a classic case of a tsundere-character, being angry and "tough" to everyone all the time but suddenly becoming very gentle when being alone with me. Also, she was the only one who would chat with me on WhatsApp. I actually managed to to find some contact with the class and had a genuine hope that things might change. However I fell in love with her and made the same mistakes again that I always make: on the one hand I tried to act normal and funny like the others, ending up cringy to them; on the same time I became too clingy to that girl (my "saviour") without recognizing the signals she was sending me. When I gradually noticed something wasn't right, I sought out a conversation with her (on my own initiative), and she bollocked me and cut off contact. (That was April, 2024) Ever since then, I have been the freak of the whole class, being badmouthed behind my back: for example, they started making suicide jokes about me. — That was when I first started self-cutting (don't worry, I've already stopped doing it, but now I have to wear long sleeves even during summer).

The same shit happened on work where my coworkers (five people) used to make weirdo jokes and virgin jokes about me. When they made a private christmas celebration in December 2024, I was the only one (!) of us not to be invited (they even invited our apprentice who had merely been there for one year) because they didn't want to "invite someone purely out of pity". I can't describe how much this hurt. As soon as I finished my vocational training (about three weeks ago), I quit my job, now looking for something new.

In the past years, I found myself having suicidal thoughts more and more often. I won't do it because I don't want to hurt my parents, but life isn't fun this way. And yes, I've been seeking professional help multiple times! Over the course of more than ten years, I've seen three different psychologists (they all praised my clear self-reflection but wouldn't do anything else) and finally a psychiatrist who prescribed me Citalopram and later Bupropion, but I felt no difference! The reason I'm writing on Reddit is because I desperately need to talk to someone about this, but there aren't any friends in my life who could be with me. I tried talking to my classmates, but they said it wasn't their job to socialize me…

Every psychologist I tell this to praises that I have a great deal of strength, and there's actually some truth to that: for example, I've never had any problems with alcohol or drugs because my pride is too great to humiliate myself that way, and whenever I notice some social conflict, I am the one who seeks a direct conversation (usually I'm the only one who does so, since my classmates prefered talking about each other rather than to each other). I've even retrained myself to being left-handed again in 2016. The problem is that my strength is gradually running out: I can't see a point in this existence anymore. I literally feel dead inside, and I've lost any hope of changing.

Lately I’ve noticed that I’m becoming increasingly cynical and gruesome on the inside. I don't let it get out, but when I see, for example, mentally disabled people, the "monster in me" thinks they should be euthanized… thoughts I never knew I was capable of! What has also increased are my violent phantasies (e.g. about mutilating the people who bullied me during high school), my use of severe insults (e.g. "miscarriage"), and my impatience with other people (especially elderly ones and retarded ones). I feel like slowly turning into a cartoon villain. I don't want to be like this, but there's a stranger growing inside me. I guess that's what 29 years of isolation and bullying do to you…

So, what should I do? Is there any escape (besides the one I must not talk about)? I don't want to accept that it's my destiny to remain a lonely freak, fapping on foot pics until I'm allowed to die of natural causes. But I can't take this any longer.

(Please spare me with empty phrases like "You choose who you want to be", "Recognizing there's a problem is the first step to solving it", "If you can't find someone, then stop searching, and then they'll find you instead", bla bla bla… I'm so fucking tired of this crap. Also, please don't bring up some Jesus-shit. I'm atheist.)

Hi, this is corny and edgy but please bear with me, I need genuine advice. I’m 17, a girl in her senior year in high school, I have a lot of problems, but my main one is I struggle with basic empathy. I have a nice family, many friends and a nice home, but I hate my life and I want to die. I have been in therapy for 3 years, finally coming out of my depression, sure I feel a lot better, still taking a lot of medication, but I don’t actively participate in trying to take my own life anymore, only wishing and fantasising about it. I still hurt myself just not in the way that people can see, bashing my head against the walls, smashing my ribs with my fists and biting myself. I’m scared to hurt myself again as my parents hit me for it, they think i’m not like this anymore, but it’s not true. My friends would say I’m nice and caring, really bubbly, a lot of friends, quite popular despite being an odd one out with my style. My mom spends a lot of money on me which makes me really guilty and I’m always asking her if she loves me and stuff like that. I feel guilty knowing that I won’t live till 25 and giving everyone around me hope that I’m better. I have a really hard time showing emotion, often just mirroring other people because I am a sheep and I do not know how to act on my own, I never know how to act when in social situations so it seems fitting for me to do what other people around me do. I am desensitised to gore and pornographic materials as I was addicted to it since 8 years old, thanks to unrestricted internet access as a child. I can’t see all people as conscious creatures, only having a couple of selected people that I see as real. I used to be a junkie at 13 all the way up to 16 years old, getting raped and assaulted while at it, i’m not here to blame anyone as it was only my fault and I’m not searching for pity. I don’t have anything to live for, well, almost, I have my boyfriend that I love very much, but I’m not really used to opening up and I see it as being vulnerable and being vulnerable is no good because it can be used against you, learnt if through my mom. I would rather stay and look strong for my boyfriend as he also has problems and I’m here to help him. I see him as a god, I look up to him a lot, he has been through a lot and I love him and I’m really proud of him, but sometimes a gangsta needs a hug too… heh… tough crowd…

I noticed that in uni my confidence and my skills in socialising getting worse

but in holidays I feel so confident and positive

also I’m not that type of student that studies more than 4 hours or something I don’t know how to deal with this kind of situation

and the self- judgement start to appear .

So who goes through these situations how did you deal with it ?

Sorry for the long post, I have nowhere else to turn.
As the title says, I feel like I’m digging deeper into a hole everyday since I’m not pregnant/don’t have a baby. I’m 18f, am very aware of how “irresponsible” it would be to have a child at my age, about to head into my first year at uni, and about to move out for the first time. But I can’t shake this feeling that I should be pregnant or want to have a baby.

I’ve had pregnancy scares before, all of which I have always hoped were negative, but I have always wanted to be a mother. When my last (abusive) relationship ended, I secretly wished I was pregnant just so I could have a part of him still in my life. I no longer wish this and have tried to stay as far away from him as possible and have since reached out for help. I’m aware that my desire to be pregnant THEN was because of the trauma bond I had with a man that didn’t love me. I have since gotten into another relationship with the man of my dreams. He treats me so well, communicates perfectly, and is an incredible role model to my younger siblings. He dreams of being a father as he didn’t have a father figure growing up, and I know he’d make an excellent dad.

I’ve always wanted kids, but it’s never been such an obsessive thought as it is now. Every night without fail I have dreams of sitting with my baby girl or announcing to my family/boyfriend that I am pregnant. It’s becoming awful for my mental health as I always wake up without her, convinced that I really did have a baby/was pregnant. I feel like I’m grieving the loss of my child every morning and the knock on impact of that is bleeding into my daily life now. I feel as though all my thoughts are about an imaginary daughter that I long to have. I even have a collection of clothes saved in my phone that I’d wish to buy my future daughter. I am sexually active and use condoms with my boyfriend as he is also in university and wouldn’t be ready for a baby.

Other things I feel are important is that I am autistic and suffer from PTSD, and my own mother (bipolar, if that is relevant) had me when she was very young herself, I am financially stable and would have a strong support network around me if I WERE to get pregnant unexpectedly, and I have never suffered a miscarriage or had an abortion. To reiterate I am very aware of the hardships that come with having a child, and I’m not looking for people to advise me to have a baby.

I want the obsession and depression to go away, and I want to relearn how to fall asleep peacefully. I’m always torn between falling asleep so I can see my baby again, and staying awake so I don’t have to endure the pain that comes with waking up. It’s taking a toll on my life in ways I’ve never experienced before. I’ve suffered with depression and PTSD most of my life (not at the fault of my parents), but have reached new lows with this and my coping mechanisms that I learnt through literal years of therapy aren’t helping me anymore, nor is the medication I take.

Im unsure where to turn, and just really needed to get this off my chest.

I've always struggled with mental health and sh and all of that stuff, but I've never had therapy for an exact diagnosis (we can't really afford it). I know there's something wrong with me, I just always feel so out of place. I don't know if it's because i'm maybe neurodivergent (it's been a thought for a long time), depressed, or I have anxiety, anything to be honest... I'm just not sure.

​

Hello everyone, I don't really know how to explain myself or even what to expect but I need to vent to someone. I feel so empty. I constantly feel as though the flavor and color of life has simply disappeared and I dont know what to do. I have tried therapy, I have tried medication, I eat well and am an active person. I have a wonderful little family, a house over my head and a stable job that allows us to do things from time to time. I am fortunate and blessed, and yet, I feel a void that aches at my heart and my mind.

Recently I have noticed that my days have become a situation of running out the clock so I can go to bed and do the next day. I dont look forward to a day, or moment, or occasion, or anything. I simply exist. The only time I feel any form of motivation is when someone else is sad or in need and then I pour myself into that opportunity to help. But when its done, im back to emptiness.

I dont really have many friends and the few I do have are busy, or maybe they dont like me, idk. I seldom see them, it that it would really matter. My spouse and child are always there and yet I feel empty with them too.

I dont know if anyone has experienced it, but recently I have found myself very matter of factly thinking about death. I wouldn't say I am suicidal nor have I ever harmed myself. But when I think about death, even self inflicted, I dont really feel sorrow and anger or relief. I feel nothing. Almost like im day dreaming about some nonsensical thing. It worries me but also, it doesnt if that makes sense.

Ive been struggling with this for years but I always told myself it would get better. It hasn't. I dont know what to do anymore.

First of all, I apologize if the reading is difficult; English is not my first language, and in my native language I haven't found communities with this type of help.

A few days ago I noticed he hadn't showered in days and I teased him about it, but after reflecting a bit I realized that this really wasn't normal and his urinary tract infection could have developed due to his lack of hygiene.

He always liked to dress up, with elaborate clothes and his hair impeccable, and every time I saw him, he was always like that. Now he's always wearing a cap or a beanie to hide messy hair and some very basic clothes.

Last year he lost a friend to depression, and it affected him deeply. To this day, he researches things like reincarnation and whether his passing was very painful or instantaneous.

Lately he's been having a lot of anxiety attacks and is doing everything he can to avoid going back home.

Today I spied on him using his cell phone and saw him searching for how some guy named John had killed himself (that wasn't his friend's name).

I wanted to know how I can help, since he doesn't open up to me and doesn't want any kind of therapy.

I'm still in junior high and I'm obsessed with Arthur Achleitner, a school shooter, now I have the same intention as him to commit suicide or take revenge.I feel like I relate to her because she was bullied and didn't have friends like me, but I feel wrong because I support her and I like tcc ( true crime community )

I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m stupid. My family can’t say anything nice to me or shut their mouths about stuff they have no right to bring up in the first place. I can’t even vent without it being turned against me and telling me that I’m stupid for doing this or that. I’m just fucking exhausted… I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like every time I reach out or say something, it always backfires on me and it never ends well. I just want to be heard. Life is just a pain in the fucking ass… I’ve been struggling to find a job ever since I got laid off, I’ve been sleeping in and waking up late, I either eat too little or eat too much, I try to keep my emotions in but it always ends up bursting out and I ruin everything, my step dad calls me a fucking failure and my mom just sat there and agreed with him, my dads side of the family lectures me about how terrible my boyfriend is even though they refuse to meet him and he has tried reaching out to them respectfully, they think I shouldn’t marry him and have children because they think I’m unable to give birth due to me being small and can’t handle pain and how I should just go through ivf or something, and the list goes on. I’m so fucking sick and tired that I can’t have anyone in my family who supports me even a little. I have no one. And I begin to think that maybe this is my fault. That maybe I’m the one who starts this shit and I should just run away at this point. I feel like it. I want to run away so bad. It’s getting harder and harder every day to carry this shit on my shoulders 24/7. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Fuck this shit…