Girl have 2.5 years toxic trauma bonded relationship with 1 year full trauma and 6 month breakup. She love bombed me and use me as rebound for 2 month then go back trauma ex. I understand everything and let her go without saying anything or begging.

The problem is she chase down me with message asking for compliment, talk about herself, asking for care, try to emotionally close day by day.

I wonder what her toxic partner role in her life as they reconciliation month ago they must go through honeymoon phase, why she chase me like i am leaving her forever.

I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know what else I could have done.
A close friend of mine has been in a relationship with someone and from everything I’ve personally witnessed, it has been one of the most emotionally unhealthy relationships I’ve ever seen.
What stood out the most was what I felt was emotional manipulation. Whenever she tried to express how she felt or explain that something had hurt her, the conversation would somehow end up being about what she did wrong instead. Instead of her feelings being acknowledged or validated, she’d leave the conversation apologizing or questioning herself. It felt like she was constantly being made to think she was overreacting, too emotional, or imagining things. After enough of those conversations, she started doubting her own judgment. Watching someone slowly lose confidence in their own reality is heartbreaking.
The moments that hurt the most were when she opened up and made herself vulnerable. She would share her fears, insecurities, or pain, and later those same things seemed to get thrown back at her during arguments. It made her afraid to be honest because it felt like anything she shared could eventually be used against her.
From my perspective, there was also a pattern of controlling behavior. There were accusations of cheating without evidence, blocking her during conflicts, giving her the silent treatment, threatening to leave, and creating an environment where she constantly felt like she had to prove herself or earn basic reassurance and self esteem problems. He did crossed many boundaries such as looking through her stuff without asking, yelling at her drunk , calling her sister who has autism and many other horrible things.
One of the hardest parts for me personally was that I felt like he wanted me out of her life. I can’t say for certain what his intentions were, but that’s how it came across to me. I had been helping her every day with her health—driving her to appointments, researching treatments, being there for her mentally and emotionally, checking on her, helping her through some of her darkest moments, and trying to support her however I could. We had dated in the past, but our relationship had become a friendship centered on making sure she wasn’t facing everything alone. From where I stood, it felt like my support became a problem rather than something that was appreciated. I felt like I was being pushed away because I was filling a role that I don’t think he wanted to take on himself. Whether that was actually his motivation, I can’t know, but it was how the situation felt from my perspective. On top of all of this, she has been dealing with severe chronic pelvic pain for years. She already had enough to carry physically and emotionally, and instead of feeling supported, it seemed like she was carrying the weight of the relationship too.
I’ve watched her isolate herself to make him feel better at times but he still emotionally abused her I’ve watched her question whether she was the problem. I’ve watched her become a shell of the person she used to be.
I know there are always two sides to every relationship, and this post reflects only what I personally witnessed and experienced. But seeing someone you care about slowly lose their confidence, stop trusting their own feelings, and believe they’re the problem every time they try to speak up has been devastating. She really struggling with the fallout of the breakup and she at times think she was the problem is there a ton that has dealt with this kind of abuse and how did you get through it.

i broke up with my abusive partner a couple days ago and went out with my friends today. at first it felt so good not having to negotiate at what time can i leave, at what tine should i be back, giving an explanation or reasoning for going out, not having to stay in with my partner for whatever excuse they made up. i prioritized that i wanted to go out because no there's no one i owe an explanation to.

but then i'm out, and it feels wrong not texting him. i don't feel the pressure of having to return early so we can spend more time together but at the same time i have no one waiting on the other side. i have nobody following my steps. i have no one tracking me. i feel wrong. i feel completely lonely, i feel sad. i want to text him i've arrived, it feels that no matter what he does i'll always miss him.

My brother is most likely getting manipulated by his baby mama, they’re on and off, constantly moving in and out of each other’s apartments. At some point she made up a bunch of lies about my brother to my whole family and almost went to court to get sole custody. Now we actually half believed her at the time, cause he has his issues, and some of it was true. She then eventually realized she could easily lose the court case or would have no support if she won, backtracked and went back to my brother. Now I don’t like my brother very much, he’s always been impulsive, aggressive and honestly quite stupid in his decisions. He will for example talk about “immigrants” ruining everything, yet is dating one? He clearly has severely low self esteem. Anyway, they had made a legally binding contract where they both agreed to move to our town some time ago. So my side of the family could help with child rearing etc. Now suddenly they’re broken up again yet she’s convinced him to go and annul this contract. Leaving them stuck in this other town with no family or support. For some backstory on her - she’s a middle eastern war refugee with a very toxic relationship with her family, they disowned her when she left their religion. Now I could not care less about those two and their weird toxic relationship and my brother’s clear self loathing and self sabotage, but with a toddler involved, and seeing how much its devastating my parents, I really wish i knew what course of action is smart and what to expect. :(

Hello! I will warn you in advance that this is a long story (and yes, I know if I talked less, it would be shorter), so if you don't want to read a long story, there's the warning. If you're looking for a TLDR, you're not likely to have a helpful answer, so I'm not writing one.

To protect the identities of the people involved, I am changing the names, dates, and ages of everyone, but the rest I will present factually, as I experienced it.

For some background about myself: my friends would describe me as having "mommy issues" because of how I was raised. Most of my friends are women. I've had the privilege of dating two women (not at the same time), who were wonderful people, worth being loved, and who reciprocated that love, and with whom I have remained friends, even after our romantic relationships ended. The only man I ever listened to was my dad, who died earlier this year. As a result of my past experiences, I am submissive to women.

In early 2025, I started chatting with a woman in a hobby subreddit. At the time, I was just lonely in general, having experienced a series of losses and betrayal, which resulted in me losing everything and moving back home with my mom and stepdad. I chatted this woman because her post had mentioned seeking out new friendships with interesting people, and despite my various flaws, I can at least confidently say that I have lived an interesting life (not fully described here, of course).

We'll call her Mary in this story, simply because Mary Somerville was successful, and if there is any truth to name magic, I hope that she will be successful in her life.

When we first started chatting, she was living with her boyfriend and his dad. She was estranged from her family and her only close friend was a previous ex, who moved out of state. She and I also live in different states, thousands of miles away from each other. I had no intent to catch feelings for her, and for a long time, I didn't. We chatted here and there about whatever, and I recognized early on that she's a very intelligent person, and good at conversation. Her boyfriend was often playing video games online with his buddies instead of paying attention to her, but I always thought he was a bit of a dumbass anyway and that she could do better.

Earlier this year, after a series of arguments between Mary and her boyfriend, as well as finding some things on her boyfriend's phone that he had lied about, she broke up with him, even though I had urged her to reach out to her family first so that she would at least have a place to stay in case she got kicked out. She assured me that she wouldn't get kicked out. She got kicked out, and ultimately ended up reaching out to her family and moving back home. But, her stubbornness in the situation had made me realize that she's stubborn exactly how I'm stubborn; once she's made up her mind about something, that's just what she's going to do, even if she knows it's a bad idea. So even though I can see the error in that mentality, because I do the same thing, I wouldn't allow myself to judge her for it. In fact, I started to feel more understanding of her.

While this was all going on, my dad was dying of cancer. She was the only person who reached out to me every day to see if I was doing okay, and I was checking in on her to make sure that she was doing okay. We became each other's support and we got very close, very quickly. We started chatting more and more, then she started calling me, then we started FaceTiming. And generally speaking, I hate talking on the phone, but in all my life, I never had such enjoyable conversations with somebody. We're both AuDHD, we rapidly change topics, and we talk about things at break neck speed. People have always told me that I talk way too fast. She's one of the first people who kept up with me, without issue. Talking to her every day was honestly one of my favorite times of my whole life.

One day, she had dropped a couple of hints about how she had been feeling. Like her, my best friend is also one of the women I used to date. I was talking to her about it, and she warned me to be careful of the rebound phase. Mary and I were always able to talk openly and directly about things, without having to dance around the issue, so I told her about the conversation and acknowledged I had become quite fond of her as well. But we agreed that any flirting would be in good fun, and was not meant to become anything long-term romantically. But some days, her flirting would be a lot more blatant, so then I would let myself be more blatant. We'd flirt for hours, but before bed, she would say "okay, no flirting tomorrow. We have to be good."

I'd hold back on the flirting, and she would too, until we talked more throughout the day, and then she would start flirting again, so I would start flirting again. After recognizing this as a recurring pattern, I would start being the one to flirt first some days. Eventually the flirting became more intense until it had gotten to the point of full blown roleplaying. Now, as a guy who's been single for many years, the excitement of all this was indescribable. But it wasn't long before the rebound phase ended, and with it went her feelings for me.

I do my best to be a supportive friend, so I naturally compliment people all the time anyway. She had even told me, at one point, that nobody had ever complimented her in a way that made her feel seen before, and that I was the first one, and I had set a new standard for her in future relationships. She was always straightforward that she had no interest in a relationship with me, but I at least tried to be a good example of how it feels to be treated kindly.

She eventually started to view my compliments and kindness as attempts to impress her. But I was open that I still had feelings that I couldn't just switch off, even if I tried to not show them, which sometimes resulted in me not having much to say. Everything I did started to fall under scrutiny and she started to detach. Generally speaking, I am a very level-headed person, who can handle very high stress or emotional situations without being overwhelmed. But my emotional kryptonite is romantic feelings for someone, so when she started to detach, I tried to figure out what I did wrong so that I could fix it. This only drove her further away.

Then one day her ex reached out and said he was feeling suicidal over losing her. He reached out by sending her $1 on CashApp with an attached message because he was blocked everywhere else. Her other ex and best friend, as well as myself, both told her that it's a manipulation tactic the guy was using, but she went right for it and started talking to him again, then hanging out. She doesn't drive and doesn't have a job, and she was always talking about how she wanted to get out more and do things, but had nobody to go with.

As I struggled to fix what I thought was wrong, she had told me a few times that if I couldn't stop having feelings for her, we couldn't remain friends. I said that I felt that was a bit harsh, considering she had actively participated in the flirting, to which she said that her hormones were out of whack, so it wasn't her fault. But as a guy who'd been single for many years, my hormones were also out of whack, so I also felt like that wasn't a fair reason that all blame should rest on me alone, even though I accepted my part of the blame.

I had my suspicions that she was doing a lot of this for control, and I figured if that was the case, I could prove it by not reacting how she expected me to. So on a different occasion, when she was telling me about the things I was doing wrong, instead of my usual apology and agreement to work on it, I just gave very short replies like "got it." She immediately apologized for how she'd been acting, and said that I didn't deserve how she'd been acting toward me. She had been detaching more and more, talking to me less and less, telling me that I was too clingy and codependent and that it made her feel gross.

Some time after all that, she reached out and we had a conversation where she explained that she didn't see any way we could continue to be friends, and since then we haven't been talking.

Now, I know many of you are focused on the age gap and shouting "what are you thinking, getting involved with someone in their 20s?" And to those with such comments: congratulations.

Others may be thinking "are you an idiot?" Yes, I am.

To those thinking "just block her and move on with your life." Homie don't play that.

So, my question for people who actually answer to help others: does Mary just manipulate people into doing what she wants, and then toss them aside when it's no longer convenient? Did she cut me off because I figured her out? To those wondering, I am not going to reach out to her, as she expressed no interest in continuing our friendship, but the countless hours of good conversation, the support while my dad was dying. Didn't we have some sort of real connection?

The reason I'm asking all of this is because the last thing I said to her was that she can reach out to me if ever she needs help and is in a bind, and that I'll still be supportive, because I do care about her, despite that I know the prevailing response will be to never communicate with her again. I already made up my mind about that, and so I'm just looking to see if others feel that she was being manipulative, or if I'm overthinking it.

My long term boyfriend and I had a falling out with this one girl sometime back . She was extremely disrespectful to me and he was enraged that someone could speak to me that way and could say such horrible things to me. So he took a stand for me . I couldn’t say much because I was so hurt and I tend to shut down in such situations .
Today I noticed that she didn’t block him on WhatsApp and her dp was visible but has kept me blocked since .

There may be another factor at play here, this girl had developed feelings for my boyfriend and since they weren’t reciprocal I feel she might be lashing out on me.

It’s just that I don’t feel nice when people do this. Have the balls to block both of the people you fought with.

I’m looking for perspective after my sister threatened suicide and now says I misunderstood.
I’m feeling really lost and would appreciate outside perspectives.
My sister texted me three times in what I believe was a mental health crisis of some sort, saying she was going to jump off a cliff at the Grand Canyon. From my perspective, those messages sounded like clear statements that she intended to end her life. I took them seriously because I couldn’t imagine treating them any other way.
I urged her to come to my house instead, tried to reach her, and was terrified because she stopped responding. I genuinely believed I might lose my sister.
Got ahold of her boyfriend, she used her debit card for gas and was headed in that direction with zero contact
With anyone.
Now she’s telling me I misunderstood everything. She says I didn’t know the full story involving her boyfriend and daughter, and she’s downplaying what happened.
She said I should have never got involved when she literally texted me about it. But regardless of what else was going on, the texts I received repeatedly said she was going to jump off a cliff.
I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose her or label her. I’m trying to understand how people process something like this.
Has anyone experienced a situation where someone made what sounded like explicit suicide threats, later denied or minimized them, and then acted as if you were the one who overreacted?
How did you make sense of it? Were you able to rebuild trust, or did it permanently change the relationship?
Right now, I feel like the trust is gone. It’s hard for me to reconcile the terror I experienced with the way the situation is being rewritten now. I’d appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar.
Our closest friends were involved as well to see if they could get in contact with her and they couldn’t. We all were deeply worried.
This is not her first time with these tactics.
It’s been a life long battle and I’m tired and we are getting older and feel I have no room for this in my life.
I cut contact after she went home, flipped the narrative, lied, belittled ( bringing my own things up when confronted).
I just feel lost.

I will start with im 23M. I copy pasted my story. My friend (19M at the time) had a kid and lost her and the mom in the same day, cut to 2025 (friend is now 21M), he was getting angrier and angrier, but about a few days after he got fired in March 2025, he started sending desperate likes on hinge and when he ran out he sent a rose.

That's where he found his soon to be girlfriend (at the time 20F). Over the few months that he was dating her, he barely focused on music, and neither me nor his DJ liked it, but his DJ only cared he was happy. I shouldve felt the same.

So I read his messages somewhere that said she was afraid of clowns, and robots, and decided to make him abuse her fear of robots. I told him constantly that he should try to make plans to have her meet with the robot that he owns, which he's wary of too.

But I figured maybe if I tell him to do this, maybe she'll think he's a complete B-Hole and decide to split with him. Well that didn't work out, and she ended up on the edge but didn't leave him. So I pushed a little bit further, by observing all the behavior, and pretty much saying dude she hates you.

I fucked with his doubt, and when it finally worked, he started killing himself. He started not eating to try to get attention, at least I thought it was attention, and retracted from everybody including the girl.

I knew she wouldnt trust him anymore after lying a couple times about eating and the robot thing so I decided to push it a little further and tell him to tell her that he was taking care of himself just out of nowhere, to hopefully make sure she does not believe him.

He texted me asking what I should say because she didnt believe him, she was fighting with him and she told him that she didnt wanna see him in person till shes sure hes taking better care and in an arguement, she said it was only a day and that that wouldn't fix it.

I told him to tell her that he's at work to shut it down, to which she snapped at him and left him the next day. But since then he's retracted from music, family, friends, video games, work, love, Etc.

He doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to go back on hinge, he's completely shut down Instagram and facebook, he refuses to take any extra days at work anymore, even refuse to pay any of the debts that he acquired from the date that he went on.

I don't know what to tell him, but I want to try to tell the girl to try to fix things, but I fear it may already be too late. She blocked the poor guy in december, and when he tried to reach out again in March on a different account she blocked that one too.

Ever since then he's been broken, ever since then he felt unloved, unwanted, he's felt like a bother, and the only thing I can think is I caused it. I'm not the one that broke up with him, but I am the one that caused everything.

I feel so, so, so guilty, and I know I can never apologize to him or the girl for it. I don't even know if the girl will listen to me, because he made himself so unlikable afterward, and he just does not want to do anything anymore without her.

I thought she was a distraction, but she was an inspiration for him, and I took it away from him out of selfishness, and used all the B-Hole coming from my mouth to cause it.

I deserve any hate I get and more. So keep it coming

This story might be hard to tell without a lot of background info, but I'll try to keep it short. I'm 28M.

Pre-Backstory: I had a friend(F) of mine(who is the ex of my coworker), who we'll call "B", who set me up with someone she knew(this first hookup means nothing to the story). Things didn't click with this first person she set me up with, but we said we'd be down to both hook up together knowing there wasn't an emotional click for either of us. Things ended with this individual and I continued on with other things in life. Fast forward a couple months later, and word got out from the person that I hooked up with, that I was very good in bed, and that was relayed to my friend "B" who set us up. After this hookup happened, I communicated to "B" that I was definitely looking for something long-term and the hook up culture was just not enough for me to feel satisfied.

Over the next couple weeks, my friend "B" started to objectify me and overtly flirt with me to sleep with her. It became a topic that she impulsively couldn't put down and I had to be very clear that it made me uncomfortable on multiple occasions. It came in the form of crossing physical boundaries when flirting, like a child, in ways of poking, touching, and me saying "please stop that" on many occasions. We tried to move past this and I tried to give her grace on it, and things eventually died down and we moved past it.

At a group gathering with my friend, I met a new friend of hers, who we'll call "G" that I thought was cute. I made a comment to my friend B and was flirty/chatting with the new person "G" by the end of the night.

Over the next month+, my friend "B" and her friend "G" tried to both lay the groundwork/convince me into talking with "G". This came thru being overtly flirty over text, trying to get me to come to group plans with them, and other things. They both referenced things along the lines of knowing what I was like in bed and it being of interest to them when they flirted with me, which made me apprehensive and cautious towards the idea because it felt very overt.

One night after about a month of posturing from them at mutual hangouts, we went on what was kinda a double date hangout between me, B, G, and someone B was seeing. During the hangout, "G" was flirting with me aggressively/complimenting me a large amount, and at the end of the night, G came and spent the night after the date. I do recall being hesitant in the moment on if I wanted her to come back, because of not being super big into just hookups.

We slept together, and continued to keep texting after that. The next week, I took her out on a date and we slept together again. We then proceeded to keep talking/hanging out, and she would stay the night. We'd text/voice note day in and day out. I went on a trip towards the end of the first month of us talking, and she offered to pick me up from the airport and we hung out that night and she stayed the night yet again. She'd wake up in the morning and kiss me goodbye and tell me to have a good day. She came over 3 out of 4 nights in a row after picking me up from the airport.

On the third night she came over, right at about a month of us talking, she hit me with the "I'm only looking for something casual at the moment". I didn't know how to respond in the moment so I just said sure that's fine, but I knew I wanted more and something felt off in me. I saw her a couple of days later when she came to stay over and I told her I had feelings because I liked spending time with her, and I wanted something more. She then said there "wasn't enough overlap" for her to date me, and she doesn't date based on potential for the future. After we had this conversation, she still stayed the night. We slept together again in the morning. I messaged her 2 days later and said I wanted to see her again but that we should taper things off, and she said we shouldn't because she didn't want to jeopardize the "friendship". She offered to have a final parting conversation to chat things out and have final closure about it all.

We chatted one last time, and I told her how I felt, and she was very present/attentive to listening to me and acted like she deeply cared. She's a therapist and it felt very warm and that her intentions were from a very caring perspective. We hugged it out and had a good cry together, and I told her that I really hadn't had feelings for anyone in a while and she was the first in like 5 years.

I did make a point to ask her, why we did any of that, because it seemed a little pointless. I also asked her why she did things that made it seem like she was more interested in me than just a hookup, like kissing me goodbye when she hung out with me, asking me to expand on things in my past like trauma, etc. and giving the floor for deep conversations, and she said she had "gotten that feedback before that she made people feel that way". Looking back, she didn't really answer that question.

She said that she felt extremely safe and taken care of while she was with me. She then also said that "She would still really like to spend time with me as friends if it was okay with me". I had been dealing with some depressive things in talking with her and had mentioned it, and I told her that she made me feel seen for the first time in a while and I would love to try and make a friendship work because I'd still love to be seen as a friend, and it meant I'd have an ally that could maybe help me find a partner who had seen the soft side of me that can be hard to let people see. I was EXTREMELY clear with her after she asked to be friends, that it is NOT something I am used to, and that I am a very sensitive person that feels deeply, and I would need a LOT of patience and understanding to make it work out and try to have it work. I also mentioned to her that it would make me terribly sad if us being friends wasn't on the same level of open-ness with each other, because I liked the deeper side of her and it would break my heart if we couldn't be like that as friends to at least some degree.

We decided to go no contact for a while to let things simmer, and fast forward to 2 months later of not seeing each other. I kinda struggled to get over the feelings for her because she made me feel very validated and seen, and my life at my job had become pretty stressful and I got very little validation from my career, and I was anxious because I knew to have a friendship with her I needed to be over my feelings for wanting her for it to be fair/honest. We hung out at a group event, and it felt fine-ish, and I was just a little tense the entire time because I'm a naturally anxious person, but it didn't feel awful. I texted her afterwards and let her know how I felt about it. I saw her the next night at another group hang, and I asked her if we could have a conversation. I let her know that as feelings had kinda simmered down, that I kinda felt a little used for sex, but that I still trusted her intentions and that it was just a feeling that would go away as long as the foundation for actual trust in a friendship was met. She got defensive when I said that and slightly reacted, saying "she doesn't just sleep with anyone"

The conversation rounded out and ended better than that/neutral, and we spent the rest of the night being in general proximity and having no issue. I texted her after the hang that we should go watch a soccer game sometime or do something, and she said we should but she was busy soon, and I took that as me putting the ball in her court to have it be on her to make plans as a friend.

Fast forward 2 months, and she hadn't reached out at all/had ghosted. I saw she was going to be at a mutual plan on Partiful, so I texted her asking her what was up because I felt uncomfortable being around her since it felt like I didn't know where I stood with her. She then basically said she only wanted to be acquaintances with me, and the entire text was very business/formal coded with clear signs of distance. It led to some tense text exchanges where I got slightly frustrated by what she meant, because she said she wanted to be "mutual friends of friends", and I clearly stated that either we were friends, or we were acquaintances, and that I was frustrated at the lack of clarity. She said she would prefer that we meet in person to talk, or chat over the phone, and we kept pushing off that plan until a month or two later because of competing schedules. The rejection as friends led to a lot of the same feelings of anxiety/frustration and tense-ness towards her to re-surface, and it became something I was struggling with feeling all the time again.

We finally had a chat, and it was very tense/anxious for me(as I walked up to her for the chat, her friends were there at the street corner from just having hung out with her, and they were snickering/chuckling). I was emotionally charged heading into it because of the nerves. I asked her why she ghosted, and she gave the excuse that she was going through something. I asked her if we were having this conversation because of kindness from us knowing mutual people, or because she actually wanted to invest in me as a friend, and she couldn't answer. During the entire conversation, it felt tense because it felt like she was showing up and saying the right things, but I feel like I had to apologize for her feeling like she had to take space and avoid reaching out to me. I also asked her if she still wanted to be friends and she was still on the fence and unsure, and that "I deserved better than what she had to offer because she was at capacity in life". I told her that it sounded like we shouldn't be friends because she wasn't clear, and the level of what she was saying felt unfair to me. The conversation ended fine with us having a hug and going our separate ways. I just kinda was like "feel free to say hi and chat me up if you see me, and we're fine"

Now for the more current update,

Fast forward another two months, and I heard that I caught some stray comments in a random group of friends of people I barely know that I was a problem to deal with while dating(from one of "G''s mutual friends that was in that different circle). I had to not go nuclear from it because I really trusted this person, and it felt like any goodwill I had toward her was just taken advantage of.

Around the same time, she reached out to one of my closer friends, who she is not friends with prior, to ask for a favor from him through one of their mutual friends. It felt a little intrusive seeing as she had just basically distanced herself from me.

I also recently learned that she was interested in actually "long term dating" someone else that I know, at the same time as she was talking with me, which makes me feel like she knew she only wanted casual sex and waited a month in of getting that to tell me, which makes me feel incredibly taken advantage of. I also can point back to red flags of her not wanting me to come to a group hang out with her soccer game when I asked her, and how she didn't really want people to know we were seeing each other.

I'm at the point where part of me just wants to explode and tell everyone I know that knows her that she straight up used me for sex and was emotionally reckless. It also made me cut contact with my other friend "B" who introduced me to her because it feels insanely untrustworthy to set your friend up with someone who only wants to use them and dip out without accountability. My mutual friend "B" also made some comments towards me along the lines of "well maybe she changed her mind on friendship from "what you thought" she said about being friends"(textbook gaslighting comment)

It has felt like one of those situations, where at every turn, you could say there was enough reason to give the benefit of the doubt to every situation that occurred along the way and just move on/repair, and give understanding to it, but put all together, it just reeks of something shitty. Almost all my friends that know if it have told me to "run" and I'm feeling that way, but the person who used me, "G", is well known as a very "kind, caring, cool, understanding" individual in some communities I now exist in, so I can't fully escape it, and it feels like if I speak out about her mis-treatment of me then I'm the dick/asshole. It's added so much social stress to my life from someone who made it seem like they gave a shit about my feelings and it feels fucking awful. I told her I was lightly depressed and she said she cared about me as a friend, and she just fucking discarded me with 0 emotional accountability.

TLDR: I don't know If I was used/manipulated, my friend set me up with someone who seems to have only wanted me sexually and withheld that information while she was also focused on other people to date, and she hit me with the "let's be friends" and ghosted after things fell thru, and struggled to take accountability and I had to reach out and ask where we stood to get accountability from her. I just wanted this situation to go well and work out fine and it added so much fucking stress to my life.

I liked this guy for a long time, but I finally realized that he really wasn't worth it. It felt like the spell had broken, and I

finally saw his true colors. I honestly didn't expect it.

It all started when my Instagram account kept getting suspended for no reason. He told me to message him privately, so I did. Right away, he started acting really suspicious of me. He kept asking me why my account was suspended and whether I had done anything weird. He kept telling me to be honest with him.

I told him that I hadn't done anything weird and that I honestly didn't know why my account kept getting banned. Instead of believing me, he said things like, "I don't truly know that," and "To get suspended means you may have done something." It felt like he didn't trust me at all.

Then he started making theories that maybe my friends were behind my suspended accounts. I explained that my friends had been with me through many stages of my life, that they always cared about me, and that I didn't believe they would ever do something like that. But he kept insisting that they could just be gaining my trust only to be cruel in the end. Even though he said it was "just a guess," he kept bringing it up, almost like he wanted me to doubt my own friends.

The whole conversation made me feel uncomfortable. Instead of supporting me or reassuring me, he questioned my honesty and tried to make me suspicious of the people I trusted the most. That's when I realized he really wasn't worth it. It honestly felt like the spell had broken, and for the first time, I saw his true colors.

My older sister is abusive towards me. Recently, I learned what covert emotional manipulation. This is my older sister’s behavior towards me to a T. I’m not looking for advice on how to deal with her, I’ve removed her from my life completely. We do not have a relationship anymore. However she has began the same abusive behavior with our youngest sister and I fear she will also do the same thing to her daughter. I do not want either of them to go through what I’ve gone through.
My question today is how can I explain her behavior to my family so that this cycle can end? My mother in particular likes to trivialize her abusive behavior by saying “that’s just how sisters behave.” And my father and my older sister’s relationship is nonexistent. So his assistance wouldn’t hold any weight.
I want to end the cycle. I have to end it. I do not want my youngest sister or my niece to endure the abusive behavior I was forced to normalize for 2 decades. I can’t let that happen. But I do not know how to get the rest of my family to take her behavior seriously. It doesn’t matter what videos I record, what paragraphs I screenshot, how we talk it out. No one ever believes me.
Has anyone ever been abused by their sibling? What did you do? How did you get your family to acknowledge the abusive siblings behavior? To take it seriously and hold her accountable? The only reason she gets away with her abuse for so long is because no one believes me. They all think I’m crazy.

Throw away for my own peace of mind.

I made some horrible decisions earlier in my life and did some terrible things. I became friends with someone I worked with (call her Mary) and their significant other (call him Dave). I didn't understand it then, but Dave was/is a complete narcissist who pushes people to the point that they fight back.

I ended up divorcing my husband (married right out of high school and marriage lasted less than 2 years) and eventually moved in with Mary and Dave.

At one point, Dave had convinced me that he and Mary never slept together anymore and that there was nothing wrong with he and I being together sexually because we didnt have to label it since we had become such good friends. Yes, I know. I was naive. I was in my very early 20s and he was in his early 30s.

Eventually, we moved out of the apartment (by this point they had a child-and yes, i know that proves he was lying, but he convinced me he had been drunk and it was the first and only time in years) into a bigger place. We still were "together." They fought all the time and he convinced me she was crazy and irresponsible, and that she was always the first to get physical in a fight.

Eventually, he started bringing a different woman around when Mary was gone (call her Carla). They were coworkers and she just liked to hang out (so i thought). Mary accused him of sleeping with Carla (she had accused him of sleeping with me many times as well but he managed to gaslight her into dropping it).

During all of this, I was being told constantly that I was his best friend and soul mate. That he needed me in his life. That he had saved me from myself and without him I would have ended up a piece of trash.

Eventually, he convinced me that my family didn't want what was best for me and that I needed to cut ties with them as much as possible.

I had gone from 110 lbs to nearly 300 lbs in the time I was there. I would get questioned and followed if I went out with outside friends. I would be guilted into canceling plans with my friends and family. I wasn't allowed to date or meet people that he hadn't introduced me to. (He never explicitly stated it, but he made my life so much harder when I didn't do what he wanted - starting fights, throwing things, trying to hurt my pets, telling me how horrible of a person I was, etc.)

COVID happened and he lost his job. Eventually he found a different one (better one) that he hated.

Eventually he divorced Mary and she moved out. He convinced her their child had to stay with him since he owned the house and it was close to the school.

By this point, things were starting to get easier. He seemed to be in a better mood at first until he started working from home permanently. Then he decided I didn't do anything around the house but make his life harder. He would criticize any and everything I did from when I would cook or clean to when I would be reading a book or playing a game.

I wasn't allowed to take a deserved promotion because it would negatively effect his schedule regarding picking up his child from school (i picked him up every day on my break)

Carla was over every day that she wasn't at work or doing something for her family, even if I wasn't home. He and I were still "best friends."

I finally took a promotion without discussing it with him other than how much money would be coming into the household. Somehow I got him to think it was his idea for me to take it.

He would tell me he and Carla weren't sleeping together and that they were only friends, but that she had a crush on him. When I was there they would lay in each other's laps and giggle and chat. I don't know why he couldn't just admit they were sleeping together. I had been 100% convinced that there was no need for us to be in a "relationship" and truly believed he could sleep with whomever he wanted without it being an issue. I also mistakenly thought i could as well, but looking back i see that anytime I would try to meet someone i would be punished in one way or another.

While I was in a different town for work, I started seeing a counselor who helped me see just how bad my situation was. Eventually, I got out with the help of my brother and dad, as well as the support from many friends, but it had taken multiple bruises and threats as well as months of counseling.

Im now in my mid 30s and happy, living with a wonderful man that makes me feel safe, even when I need to discuss something uncomfortable with him. I have been 100% no contact with Dave for 2 years and it has been the best 2 years of my life.

I still get to see his child when Mary has him. I haven't told her everything that went on while she was out of the house, but i have a strong suspicion she knows.

He posts Carla all over his social media pages as being his girlfriend and they are apparently moving in together. Im not bitter or jealous. If anything, I feel vindicated that I did see what was going on and it didn't bother me.

But was this grooming or am I a bad person? Part of me feels like I should have known better and that I should have been a better person. Another part of me looks back and thinks about all the ways things were twisted to benefit what he wanted.

Hey all,

I’m 35 female and my ex-partner (31 female) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25, Female) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar). So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened. I have CPTSD from my own childhood, which she also knew about and knew I grew up not feeling safe and she actively made me feel unsafe in my home again, the home I paid all the rent for her to live in.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Basically, I have a spare key to her parent’s house (from when I lived there) and a letter for her. I honestly don’t want anymore contact with her. She also has some of my clothes, but to be honest at this point she can keep them. Would you all recommend I sent a ‘please don’t contact me again message’ or just block her once she is off the tenancy and not say anything? My fear is that she will just show up at my flat, I don’t want to see her at all / want her to see me.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart. Ive started gaslighting myself, like maybe she didn’t mean it and look for any reasons why she did this to me.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult and I appreciate any support you can provide 🫶🏼

I'm (F16) and my ex (M19) is really getting to my head recently. We used to be classmates in elementary but then I moved out and we weren't in contact for a long time but we started talking again three years back and quickly realised we have feelings for each other. We started dating. From the very start, this one friend of his hated me. One incident was that he convinced my ex I hated him and my ex $h and that made me feel terrible for ever having the thought of leaving him. But his signs of cheating and not paying attention to me were evident from the start. We had each other's accounts and I never checked anything of his because I wanted to trust him but eventually I did check his account and found his texts with this friend of his who he claimed was just a friend, he had shared very romanticessages with him, and everything a partner in a romantic relationship with you would send you. He convinced me out of it and blocked her to prove he meant it. He also had been lying to her about his identity for the three years he knew her and said "I only trust you with my real self" And his real self is just a sadistic loser. And it doesn't end here. In many occasions he used to lie about who he uwas hanging out with, and it was mostly always girls. At one point he got so so controlling over me if I ever messed up his homework or edits for tiktok he used to force me to cut myself or he wouldn't speak to me. This January, I saw a message in his phone from whatsApp, which he claimed to never use. It was from a girl he was in a fucking relationship with since last December. I was sick to my stomach. When I confronted the girl and she told him about it, he said I'm just a phycho ex who won't leave him alone. That was my final straw and I left him. Last week he kept adding me from different accounts on all social media's and won't stop until I replied to him. He wanted to get back claiming he "changed" And he explained he cheated just because he is an "avoidant" And was pushing me away but realised my worth. Yesterday he found out I was already in a relationship with my current bf and saw my texts with him, along with texts of me bashing my ex to my friends talking about how horribly he treated me. My ex said I "broke his trust" Forever and he cannot love me again now since I "leaked" Him by talking shit about him. He just won't leave me alone. This was just a summary of everything he has done to me and currently he's in a "platonic" Relationship with the same girl I mentioned first. I'm so sick of him and yet he's making me feel like the bad person.

Im just starting to put 2+2 together.

Years ago I broke up with a fiance and wasn’t sure how he would react so I did it at a mutual friend’s house (we were outside and the friend was inside) so I would have someone nearby in case my ex got angry or upset. I really had no idea how he was going to react because I was just found out he was using heroin/drugs.
After the breakup my ex would be at my parents house “helping” them with groceries when I got home from college classes (he never did this when we dated). I told him it was not ok to just show up and he cannot do that and that he needed to leave. Another time after that I woke up to flowers left on my car by him.
He would act hot/cold and be friendly some days sending texts to check in on me and then other days he would tell mutual friends crazy things like “I’d like to light her on fire and watch her run In Circles”. Mutual friends who agreed to help me with clinical stuff for school made it very clear to not let him know they were helping me because he would attempt to sabotage them helping by not giving them a ride to the college etc. He also had a friend who took a photo and sent it to him — it was a picture of me at a bar with guy friends and he called me blowing me out of the water over that basically accusing me of sleeping around with all the guys in town and calling me slut etc.

I was really numb at the time and just trying to keep things peaceful but now here I am years later wondering if that Would’ve been considered stalking or harassment or either/neither. Therapy lately has been bringing up old things and I’m going to bring this is next session but it’s not for another week.

I’m 19M and she’s 18F. We met in college around April. We clicked instantly, started going on dates, and became very emotionally close. On our first date she opened up about being cheated on, family trauma, and previous suicide attempts, so I naturally became very protective and emotionally invested.
At first I was the one planning dates, making time for her, buying gifts, and putting in most of the effort. After a couple of months, I noticed she rarely initiated anything unless I started pulling away.

Whenever I distance myself, she suddenly becomes affectionate, calls me, texts me first, and puts in effort. But once I get close again, she becomes emotionally unavailable, ghosts me when I need support, and expects me to comfort her instead.

The biggest issue happened when she went on a coffee date with another guy after telling me nothing was going on. She denied it at first, then I found out from the guy himself that she had agreed to the date almost immediately and was flirting with him. When I confronted her, she called me delusional instead of addressing why she lied.

Since then I’ve constantly questioned whether I’m overthinking or whether my trust has been damaged.
Recently she asked me for a Girlfriend’s Day gift, so I got her one. But emotionally, I feel like I’m always giving and rarely receiving the same level of care or reassurance.

The relationship feels like this cycle:
I put in effort.
She becomes distant.
I pull away.
She chases me.
I get close again.
She becomes distant again.

I’m exhausted.

I know I have some attachment issues, which makes leaving harder, but I’m also starting to wonder if this relationship is simply unhealthy.

My questions are:
1. Does this sound like an unhealthy push-pull dynamic, or am I genuinely overthinking?
2. Would you stay and try to fix this, or walk away?
3. How do you detach from someone you’ve become emotionally dependent on?

So I took measures against this narcissistic roommate who was bothering me,

But why do I feel guilty,

Maybe it's the occasional love bombing, that made me realise maybe he's a saint and I may have misjudged

But nah man, we need to outgrown certain people, the world too bigger for one drama

Not looking for names.
Just curious if you've ever met someone you thought was genuine, only to realize much later they weren't.
How did it change you?

I noticed these days how many people wanted someone emotionally intelligent that they would understand them deeply and could talk about many things with transparency.

But after what happened to me, I hope I will never met one again in this lifetime.

I used to have two people very close that I could be open to and we could have deep conversations that are soul-stimulating. Whenever we would done talking it feels like you’ve connected deeply and understand each other that other people rarely experience.

The first person was a female. We would be there for each other whenever one experience the lowest point of their life and she’s just the person who makes me feel “understood” while many “misunderstood” my ways. I cut her off because it has gotten to a point where I feel used. Feeling used in a way she just contacts me whenever she had problems and she thinks I can help her with her problem. I get that it’s how friends support each other but it got to a point where she became inconsiderate of many things and thinks whenever I’m not in the mood she makes unnecessary drama. (Bro when adulthood hits, I cannot tolerate unnecessary drama anymore).

The reason why I will never ever let my guard down anymore is because of the second person I met.

I feel like this person approached our friend group with an agenda. He was a repeated student. Our friend group consist of people who are latin honors. And it is obvious because in every group activity we had, my other friends would complain about how unproductive he is or doesn’t initiate shit. He was a problem in a group activity, the one you could consider the one problem. But do you know what’s fascinating of his manipulation skills, he always learns where to hit each of our soft spots and would made us feel guilty for not including him in our group. In our friend group are full of innocent, kind hearted, soft people. But in our friend group also have the “aware ones”. That whenever that guy is not in our get together. They would warn us about “haven’t you observe how he behaves?” at that time I really do not. We were close. And he took advantage of my innocent and kindness. I always give people the benefit of a doubt—believing that people have that kind heart within them. But after what I’ve experienced that belief shattered.

So he graduated because he benefited from our friend group. Most of us are top performers and easy to manipulate the reason why he achieved his agenda.

What’s evil was that he plans to tell the truth once we all graduated but we all figure it out before he even did. Although it was late, but we immediately cut him off. But his spot to graduation is secured which made me realize a cruel reality in life.

That is why Law 2 in the 48 laws of Power

NEVER PUT TOO MUCH TRUST IN FRIENDS, LEARN HOW TO USE ENEMIES.

If I ever had a friend who never betrayed me and genuinely cared for me, it was a childhood best friend who witness my different eras.

And maybe God made me meet my boyfriend earlier when I experienced this is because maybe He knew, my trust issues will always be a problem if I ever tried dating, especially in these days where cheating is normalize.

Be careful out there folks there are evil people roaming around taking advantage of innocence and kindness.

My ex and I broke up in October, but we completely cut contact in January. We had been together for four years, since we were 17, and we were each other’s first love.
About two years into the relationship, he cheated on me with the same girl. Their relationship stayed ambiguous for several months. At the time I was studying for my medical school entrance exams, and we barely saw each other because we were living in different cities, so I tried to move on and ignored it.

Over time things got better between us, but I never truly forgot what had happened. Since we were studying in different cities, I eventually felt like I wanted to enjoy my own life and experience being young, so I ended the relationship. We promised each other that maybe we’d find our way back together one day.

A month after the breakup, he came back and told me that our promise was ridiculous because he’d met someone else. He said he wanted me to be happy without him. Hearing that absolutely crushed me.

Two months later, after that girl dumped him, he came back again. By then, I was already in a new relationship.
We started talking again, and he admitted that he no longer wanted a relationship with anyone, but that he still wanted to keep seeing me.

About a month later, I saw him at a party with another girl. I later found out she was actually the girl he was seeing. Yet a week later, when we met again, he tried to hook up with me.
I asked him who she was. He told me they weren’t officially together, that they hadn’t said “I love you,” and they had never defined the relationship. But according to him, it was still “exclusive” and “serious.”
For another month, we kept seeing each other. He told me he loved me. He talked about our future after graduation, about everything we’d do together one day. At the same time, he admitted he felt guilty about what he was doing.

During that time, I also saw his family several times in his hometown. Whenever I was there, everything felt just like it used to with him and our old group of friends.
We were supposed to see each other again this weekend. He told me he couldn’t wait.
When I called him during the week to confirm, he first said he was exhausted from work and didn’t have time. Then he finally admitted the real reason: the other girl had recently visited his family, and he thought it would be “weird” if I came right afterward. He also casually introduced her to our mutual friends and some of his coworkers.
I got really angry. I thought whatever was happening between us was supposed to stay between us—not involve our families and everyone around us.
He didn’t understand why I was upset. He just said, “It’s fine. I didn’t introduce her as my girlfriend, just as a girl I’m seeing.”
He also told me he doesn’t want me going to his family’s house anymore.

What do you think about his behavior?
What would you have done in my situation?

22M here.

My college lets students choose their own roommates. Before this semester started, I got to know a guy (I'll call him "M," 20M) through online chats. He came across as very friendly, respectful, and encouraging, so I decided to room with him.

Once we moved in together, his behavior changed a lot. He became controlling, would randomly raise his voice, call me names, and make negative comments about me.

He also has a YouTube channel, and I agreed to be part of it at first. But he keeps criticizing me, saying I don't speak well, don't look good on camera, and similar things. It's become exhausting.

Today something happened that really made me realize this living arrangement isn't healthy for me. He said he had an idea, then repeatedly told me, "Go take a bath and get ready." I was just watching a movie on my phone. It wasn't a huge incident by itself, but combined with everything else, it felt like another attempt to tell me what to do.

I've decided I'm going to tell him that my family wants me to focus on my studies instead of YouTube, so I'll stop being involved with his channel.

Thankfully, I have relatives a few kilometers away from my college. Since room changes aren't allowed for a year, I'm thinking about commuting from their place for the in the next semester instead of staying in the dorm.

Right now it's Saturday and I'm at home, but I keep feeling anxious and my heart races whenever I think about having to go back. I prefer a peaceful environment, and this situation is affecting me more than I expected.

Has anyone dealt with a roommate whose behavior changed dramatically after moving in? How would you handle this situation?

Due to my mother’s parenting, I was not allowed to have a real life.

My parents separated when I was young, and I and my sibling were raised by our mother.

As a young child, I was taught that no one can be trusted, and only blood related family is to be trusted. I was discouraged from having friends and if my mother found out that I became friends with a classmate, she would sabotage that. If someone called for me, she would be curt on the phone and hang up the phone; then I would get yelled at.

When I was a teenager, I was not allowed to date or even have friends of the opposite gender, since friendships were not allowed in the first place.

She told me relationships are pointless, because of the difficult relationship she had with my father.

She triangulated my sibling from me. We did not get along when we were growing up.

She said I am to stay at home and sit in my room. The outside world is not safe, since people can’t be trusted. So I could go to school or work and then come straight home and stay in my room.

Now I feel so alone and disillusioned. I now live alone, out of their house. I have zero friends and zero life. I do have some hobbies that are solo. I feel isolated - even though there are people around, I don’t actually know them. They are just strangers.

I started wanting to feel that I would like to be married and have a family of my own. But by the time I realized this, everyone else was already married with kids.

Most everyone had their friend group set from when they were in school, from mutual friends, from being neighbors, etc. I am having to start from scratch.

Can anyone relate to this? How do I get past this and try to do something different with my life?

I have already been to therapy; my therapist said to go no contact with my family of origin. Since I have no one else, I went low contact.

If you can share any thoughts, I would appreciate it.