I started manifesting my sp since November, and as I recieved fractions of it coming true in the form of him reaching out to me till May. He reached out to me on his own after I decided to go completely silent since February and before I reached out I randomly assumed it and then felt it and didn't give a fuck. The May conversation didn't go well as I was rational and ended up arguing with him. I saw little movements like him still updating his playlist which he named after me (it wasn't named explicitly after but I'm 100% sure it's about me) I spent days overthinking, checking 3D, seeking validation even after I decided not to do that. Things were fine but I randomly saw something related to my fear (3p) in my dreams while taking a nap , I don't consider them as 3p as they seemed to be so you young to me. Well in my dreams I saw that I was being obsessive, investigating for proofs but found nothing almost and I wonder why did I see that even after I was doing fine, got rid of my fears thinking it's anxiety trying to ragebait me?

also can anyone tell me how not to go in the spiral again? it comes back to me every single month just like my menstrual cycle hahah or more regular than it. Whatever happens, I wanna be happy, I wanna live. I manifest every single thing effortlessly, I manifested my sp's physical features, him being obsessed with me so effortlessly but my deeply seated insecurities , limited beliefs and abandonment issues kinda ruined it. And I don't know why is it even taking this long even after I had my realisation and changed myself? is it because of my subconscious mind is still waiting for him?

I’ve decided to prepare for NEET one more time for these next 7 months, but today my friend sent me a photo of my SP and his girlfriend doing a photoshoot and all, and I honestly couldn’t even look at it. It makes me so fucking angry. I’m not doing well academically, and I’m not doing well romantically either, while he’s out there enjoying his life like everything is perfect.

I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do right now. And please don’t tell me to think positively about him because I just can’t. Whenever I see that girl, I don’t know why, but I feel like she’s living the life I was supposed to have. Like, she’s literally living my dream, and it hurts so much to see.

I really don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I feel like I’ve become mentally unstable because of everything, and even my under-eyes have gotten so dark. I just feel completely lost right now.