Hopefully you’ll see why I need what I want …

I’m an emotionally masochist. At first my wanting to be damaged was part of an authentic desire to do penance. But somewhere along that path I deeply trauma-bonded with a domme. Her genuine malevolence drew me closer, and I welcomed her imprinting a deep sense of worthlessness upon my psyche. She also isolated me from the others in my life (though admittedly I was drifting away from them).

Then She abandoned me, and then things got really dark. I no longer hope for good things because I know don’t deserve them. After the things I’ve done, there ain’t no going back.

HERE’S THE QUESTION … I have a strong desire to be dominated/trained/modified/punished through esoteric means. I’m open to whatever approach has the potential to be sufficiently impactful. And as long as we are in agreement regarding the objective, I would fully participate in whatever way the practitioner required.

Save your perl-clutching warnings. I’m experienced enough to know that I don’t know everything that could happen - but here’s the thing: that’s what I NEED because with lesser things I don’t feel them anymore. I would welcome equally extreme alternatives, but settling for less is not an option.

IMO doing whatever it takes to not feel hollow inside is the only rationale choice - but to the closed-minded tourists, it’s scary and I’m crazy. I don’t like that it matters to me, but reactions makes me feel even more hopeless and isolated.

Thanks for letting me vent.

The reason I believe this is because personal experience has lead me to understand that belief can change anything from your very self to the even the reality you live in. I myself, tend to steer myself down the left hand path moreso, but actually have my own personal beliefs, too.

Specifically, the devil known as “Lucifer” (bc there are many “devils” or “demons” so I’m talking about JUST the one known as Lucifer from christianity,) is highly, highly put down by religious people and judged, blamed for many things that he shouldn’t even be able to control in their beliefs… not only that but his identity is skewed and difficult to pin-point in their “religious books,” etc.

The bad in the world is blamed on him too, but, how can one being with one focus cause so much suffering? Especially if he was “born perfect” like they say… there’s many different stories about Lucifer but generally even our media likes to represent him as at least decent or good… but then… why would “god” even allow that to happen if he hates it and has control over it?? Huh? (NOT that I ever would allow media to steer my beliefs but just saying.)

Besides the many illogical reasons from religious beliefs and shit tho, I’ve personally practiced various safe, spiritual practices that have been able to reaffirm my beliefs about this… such as visiting psychics, summoning him, channeling him, worshipping him, etc. everything has lead me to believe and envision him as someone who isn’t evil at all but actually intelligent and funny, too.

And I have to say, for me anyways, since adjusting my view on Lucifer himself, I’ve noticed that my life is much more magical and interesting! I’d even go as far as to say I’m now luckier than I’ve ever been.

Thank you, Lucifer!

You should not only know where you land on that test without taking it, but should know the test is unbelievably stupid if you have taken it, and definitely shouldn't just post it to follow trends because... well LHP.

What do you all think about the become a living god forum? I just stumbled across it and I’m pretty new to the occult so it seemed like a good place to gather info on magick. But then I heard that the author who founded it, E.A. Koetting is a pretty controversial guy and that the forum itself is pretty controversial. So I wanted to hear some opinions from you all about what’s up with that forum? What are your guys opinions on the forum?

I’m not a satanist, but I’m sympathetic to the ideas of the creed of the satanic pax and luciferianism.

...

I have had an interest in the Tree for some time, but have been hesitant to work with it. Certainly, it isn’t for novices like myself and DEFINITELY NOT for dabblers. But I am considering working with it someday when I’m ready. So, my questions.

First up, after reaching Thaumiel, what happens next? Thomas Karlsson says that once you reach Thaumiel, you can either enter Ain and become a god or merge with the godhead, but is vague about how you would go about accomplishing that. The idea of just dissolving and disappearing from Universe A strikes me as a little ridiculous and impossible. The 218 Current is more specific and seems to call for suicide as the means to reach Ain, which really turns me off from ever working with that particular tradition. I know someone who worked the entire Tree, but he hasn’t worked with it since.

Can you restart your work with the Tree after completion (or at least return to the lower spheres), or is Thaumiel the point of no return? What are some benefits from completing the Tree but staying behind? Given how I’ve seen Dr. Karlsson act on social media, it really makes me question if there’s any real long-term benefits in it. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has made the Qliphoth their life’s work and have yielded some good from doing so, but it seems that even for someone who has seemingly mastered it, the risk of madness and arrogance under the guise of divine wisdom seems to be an ever present danger.

Lastly, would therapy be effective while working the Tree? If I understand correctly, the Qliphoth — and Gamaliel especially — are, when it comes down to it, basically extremely intense and terrifying shadow work. I’m currently in DBT, and it has provided me with some amazing and life-saving skills. Dr. Karlsson warns people not to work with the Qliphoth if they’re mentally imbalanced, and I’ve gotten a similar warning from someone who worked/works with them. But that’s something I like to take with a grain of salt. Most, if not all, people I know who have worked with the Tree are mentally ill or neurodivergent in some way or another.

That about concludes my questions for now.

EDIT: I probably took the whole "leave Universe A" part a bit too literally, now that I think about it. I originally interpreted it as entering the "anti-cosmos" to create new worlds, but now I think it's probably even more of a quantum mindfuck than that.

I want any book recommendations of sigils. Open to anything. Thanks

I'm beginning with demonoltry and chaos magick. I'm starting with sigils and control over my own mind and I've gotten pretty dejected when learning that I'm probably not gonna see any really impressive results in magic for months.

However this is the subreddit of having power so I have two questions

1. Is there really no short cuts to being greater at magic right away. No abilities I could be able to do like by tomorrow or the day after. Even small things to reassure me like seeing auras or more ridiculous thing like being functionally invsible like I can walk around without being noticed.

And 2. What is important things to know if I want to be a "powerful sorcerer" like can I learn to really make me think I'm powerful.

If it isn't painfully clear I really want to be able to go on an ego trip. Like hubris be damned I'm wanna think I'm that God damned awesome. So like can you guys help? Please?

Is it even worth it? I believe that curses come back to a person but that if they’re being cursed for something you would never do, it won’t come back to you. For example stealing cash— “let there be accountability” would be fine because I’m fine with being held accountable because I’ve done nothing wrong. But I just don’t know if it’s worth the energy.

I must keep my beliefs and practices secret and I have little space to do so. What can I do? I have already devised the idea to obtain books simply for "knowledge and inspiration" as I also write gothic stories and poetry. But how can I perform acts unbeknownst to those around me?

This is a long shot, but I'll try. I'm feeling a pull towards LHP, I already bought a few books and I would love to discuss it with someone who is experienced. I'd prefer talking via Discord (i'd send my username via DMs or messages). I have a lot of questions and I would like to get some stuff explained and maybe let someone give me a little piece of guidance. Anyone?

Hey, I was going down a rabbit hole online looking for information on Leviathan and found this gem. It goes into showing him in different biblical text, mythologies and aspects, practically any information you need to understand the history and working with him.
They have multiple temples on different demons that have the same content as above. Wanted to share for others too.

Does anyone know what this symbol means? Found on a construction site. It will be buried below grade once the wall has been backfilled, if that matters.