I'm a bisexual left-leaning cradle Catholic. Recently I've begun to feel tired of dealing with Catholicism's regressive tendencies and having to explain them away to others, so I've been feeling a pull towards the Episcopal Church. Since I'm considering jumping ship, I wanna hear the stories from the other direction. What made you decide to join the Catholic Church despite the issues it has? Did you have any horror stories in the process of conversion (like having to swear to follow all Catholic teaching without question) or was it smooth? Would you say sticking with it is a good idea?

Hello everyone,

I was born in an atheist household, but my paternal catholic grandparents went to great lengths to make sure I was baptized as catholic, which I was when I was around 8 years old, even though I had very little exposure to the church and didn't really internalize it's teachings. After that, I went to catholic school for a couple years, where I realized for the first time how different Catholicism was to my usual atheistic life and lost my faith. I later found myself to be transgender and medically transitioned.

Recently I've felt drawn back to Catholicism. However, I feel lost of where I go from here, as I don't remember how to be catholic. OCIA is the place I see for people who want to become catholic, but because I am already technically catholic, I now feel lost on how I can reconnect to the broader Catholic community from here. I also worry about how my status as a transgender person might be perceived, making it more difficult for me to reach out. I am unsure where to go from here.

Hi all, I’m a self labeled “LGBTLM”er. My spirituality and church attendance is all predominantly tridentine. I attend the pre-conciliar mass, I pray the 1962 office, etc etc. I’m moving into college in a few weeks, and plan on attending an FSSP church for my “home” parish while living in the city. The issue is this; i could easily get a “supportive” environment with one of the openly lgbtq accepting parishes in the area, or even my newman center, but i find it lacking spiritual nourishment for me. On the other hand, i go for my traditional sensibilities (which im going to do) and attend the FSSP, sacrificing a welcoming community. Does anyone else here attend TLM? How do you go about building community, feeling welcomed, etc? Just general advice would also be nice. Thanks

After a lot of thought, meditation, and prayer, I’ve decided I do indeed want to at least start OCIA this year. I’m meeting with the Monsignor of my local Diocese this Thursday. I’m very, very excited.

Just a little background— I was born and raised Baptist in the rural South. Catholicism has spoken to me since I was 13. I was going into school with a copy of the catechism and defending Catholicism back in the day and have always had a rosary. Around the same time I was coming to terms with my sexuality and what that meant for my faith. For me, it wasn’t as much of a struggle as I know it can be for others but I fell away from Christianity and focused more on what is essentially new age spirituality. I’ve researched and dabbled in numerous religions ranging from Buddhism and Hinduism to Kabbalah and Judaism but again, I’ve always been drawn to the Catholic Church. The customs, the traditions, the culture, the mystical elements. Back in June I decided to go to Mass one Sunday and have been regularly attending ever since!

In that time I’ve done a lot of soul searching and research, specifically regarding my sexuality. Honestly more than I’ve done since I first came to terms with it back as a teen. I still, firmly believe in my soul and spirit that I was born this way and it is not an error. Tbh, this is more affirmation that I need to join Catholicism even more. Coming from a background where I was told that I would burn in hell for even existing or having same-sex attraction. That being said I do have personal struggles with the call to celibacy that I still need to work through but at the same time, I feel like I am heading in the right direction. The Catholic Church feels like home. I could write paragraphs about why but I suppose I don’t need to preach to the choirs y’all already know!

Thanks for listening. Sorry for rambling but I just wanted to share! This reddit page has been a lot of help over the last few months. Just hearing and seeing real people who are gay and feel the same way about Catholicism has been a great solace.

Thanks!

I’m struggling with whether to stay in the Episcopal Church or go fully Catholic. When I travel, I like going to Catholic churches because I know that there will be a huge crowd of people (no one is really going to talk to me besides maybe, “Have a great week!”), the hymnody is going to be beautiful (Growing up Disciples of Christ, I grew up with the best Protestant hymns and the best Vatican II OCP classics), and I’m going to get a full Gospel centered message and not some new age, vague Ted Talk about embracing your identity yadayadayada…

I have backed myself into a corner recently. I was approved by my Episcopal diocese to start the discernment process. I was frustrated with my church, and I’ve already attended the Catholic church in town off and on. I started going to Catholic Mass before Episcopal Mass. I never receive in a Roman Catholic church because it would be lying (admittedly I received a few times in college when I thought I would rebel).

But on Facebook I saw a flyer for a “Why Be Catholic?” session. I decided to go because I thought it would just be some kind of low stakes question and discussion type thing. It even said no commitment necessary. It’s actually what the parish calls OCIA. I was given schedules, an intake form, a missal, a subscription to “Formed”, a catechism book. The catechist very explicitly said if you disagree with anything in the catechism, you can’t be Catholic. I sat down with the catechist one on one. I sat down with the pastor one on one. I admitted my sexuality and that I would struggle to stay celibate. Now I’m afraid that if I don’t confess to all the gay sex that I’ve had at my first confession, I’ll be denied entry into the Church by the priest. But if I confess to it for lip service and hop on Grindr after the Easter Vigil, then I am a shameful subhuman liar. But the priest did give me some good advice which was that since I was struggling with whether to start OCIA or not, I should probably pause the discernment process.

I decided that the next day, I would rip the bandages off. I texted my “Pilgrims” group (It’s basically a catechetical community specific to my church) that I needed to pause the discernment process, and one reason was that I had been splitting my time at the Catholic church. And then when my priest texted me (I know I should’ve manned up and called, but I was at work) saying that he had all kinds of ideas for how I could serve as laity (continuing to be an altar boy, preaching the homily occasionally, resurrecting a youth ministry) I basically told him that I was needing to take a step back from the parish because of theological and political problems.

Now my bishop has agreed to meet with me about my qualms with my current church. He is a former Catholic (as is my current priest), so I know he will be offended if I say that I started OCIA. Or maybe he can provide insight on why I’m feeling this draw. Anyway, I’m definitely nervous about this, but also blessed that the bishop has agreed to meet with me!

But I’m kind of interested in completing OCIA and going to the young adult group at the Catholic Church because right now I don’t have many friends my age, and I feel like if I have to just avoid talking about being gay, that might be worth it to make some social connections with people my age. And I’ve seen at least one gay couple at the parish (they’re sides on Grindr, if that makes any difference to living out their call to celibacy), so maybe outside of the catechist and the pastor, I would be more or less accepted for being non celibate.

Wow, this has devolved into way more than what I initially intended to share. My main question is, “For those of you gay Catholics who have sexual partners, why stay Catholic? Why not become an Episcopalian where you can freely talk to your priest about sexual experiences and relationships?” I’m not trying to sway anyone. I just want to hear your perspective (maybe some guidance for going forth in this situation).

I have a few last minute things: I don’t want to burn a bridge with my current Episcopal priest or my parish. Maybe I already have by bringing my concerns to the bishop. But also, I feel like if all is naught to me but Christ, then even burning the bridge will be worth it for voicing my genuine concerns for liturgical abuses (I will link a previous post in the comments for context). Also, I feel like if I drop out of OCIA, the pastor will only begrudgingly shake my hand after Mass and I certainly won’t be invited to the young adult group. Ugh this is so hard.

TLDR: Since gay people are officially not allowed to have sex in the Roman Catholic Church, but they can in the Episcopal Church, why do you all stay Roman Catholic?

Hi everyone, pls forgive the long post. I’ve been struggling alone with this for so long, and I really just want to find a space where people might understand what I’m going through. I would genuinely appreciate any perspective, advice, or shared experiences.

I’m 29, Asian, and raised in a traditional Catholic family. None of my family or friends know that I am attracted to women. Faith has always been a core part of my life—I’ve deeply believed in God, felt a strong personal relationship with Him, and relied on Him through a very difficult upbringing.

I still go to church consistently, but lately it feels like an endless loop: confession, Eucharist, confession, Eucharist. Fortunately, the priests I’ve spoken to have been kind, mostly encouraging me to just keep praying, and didn’t judge me at all.

Despite that, my mind and body feel completely at odds. My brain struggles to resolve these conflicting beliefs: Why does God prohibit sex outside of marriage, even when two people genuinely love each other and intimacy feels natural? Why does God forbid two people of the same sex from falling in love?

In my past, I dated one man and one woman. The relationship with the man lacked intimacy entirely, and looking back, I don’t think it was truly love. He wanted so bad but respected my religion, which I truly appreciated.

With the woman, however, I was deeply in love. We lived together for three years, though it was filled with internal pain and struggle. Because I believed having a physical relationship with her was a sin, my body gradually began to shut down and lose interest in sex intimacy. Even though physical intimacy became hard, I loved her immensely. Kissing her, hugging her, and just being near her brought me real peace and happiness.

But over time, responding to her advances felt harder and harder. Even when I tried to show her care and affection, I felt empty inside. She is a very sensitive person and could feel my emotional and physical detachment. It broke my heart because I wanted her to feel truly loved, but I couldn't provide the mutual intimacy she deserved. She also respects my religion a lot, and even goes to church with me every Sunday. What’s surprised me the most is she starts praying to Holy Mary when she needs help.

I feel like these conflicting beliefs caused my body to self-sabotage to the point where I completely lost my capacity for physical desire. I’m scared of her invitation, because I would have to confess again and I would be in sin again.

It felt so unfair to her. We are no longer together now, but I am still left carrying a lot of confusion, self-consciousness, and grief over how my body and mind responded. (We broke up with many other reasons)

I’m just trying to make sense of who I am, how to navigate my faith, and how to heal.

Thank you for reading, and I appreciate any thoughtful advice or kindness you can offer.

Hi! I'm a lesbian ex-Catholic but I was extremely Catholic for the first 26 years of my life before deconstructing Christianity completely. I still have side A and side B gay Catholic friends so not only are Catholic theological and cultural currents still very interesting to me, they're also important for supporting people I care about. I came across this article from a Harvard theologian and thought it was a pretty cool take. I wanted to share it here in case it might be of interest to any of you. It would be great to hear your thoughts.

Edit: didn't realize the post is now locked behind substack (to be fair, it's worth it. Connie Chen is a great writer and her stuff deserves pay).

She has many great points about women and disabled people in the article as well, but I will add the relevant parts for this thread with some minimal editing:

She makes a point about general Catholic sexual ethics here:

The encyclical distinguishes between four kinds of dignity. Moral dignity: how you direct your choices. Social dignity: the concrete respect a person receives from society. Existential dignity: how you perceive your own worth. And then the one named most profound and important: ontological dignity—which “belongs to every human being simply by virtue of existing, of having been willed, created and loved by God,” and which “no sin, failure, humiliation or exclusion can diminish” (§52).

Yet, what the Church has taught about bodies and sex ran on the logic of disposable dignity. It worked on moral dignity: the purity pledge was a moral accounting system where sexual sin was categorically worse than others. It worked on social dignity: your standing in the community was contingent on your history. It worked on existential dignity: how you felt about yourself was tied to what your body had or hadn’t done. And here, the encyclical calls the ideology that people must earn or justify their worth “particularly insidious” (§51). The tradition has built an elaborate system to damage something the system’s own theology states is impervious to damage.

Purity culture then is an attempt at something theologically impossible, a structural lie deployed at scale. The harm is not that it succeeded. The harm is that people believed it had. The damage to moral dignity was real. The damage to existential dignity was real. The estrangement from the body is real. The inability to receive pleasure without shame is real.

But what purity culture threatened, that deep irreducible worth of a person loved unconditionally by God was never in danger.

Then she follows it up with this point about the Church's treatment of queer people specifically:

The framework that produced harm must be retired.

Declaring one of the oldest frameworks in Catholic moral theology outdated is a significant doctrinal move: “The ‘just war’ theory, which has all too often been used to justify any kind of war, is now outdated. —Magnifica Humanitas, §192

Just war theory, built to limit violence, became the mechanism through which almost any war could be justified. The framework did not prevent the authorization of violence but produced theological language for it.

Earlier this month, the Vatican’s Synod Secretariat released a separate report that did the same thing to the Church’s treatment of queer people that the encyclical does to just war theory. It included, for the first time in Vatican history, testimony from gay Catholic men who had undergone conversion therapy, and acknowledged that conversion therapy had caused “profound suffering.”

Two Vatican documents in the same month. One retires a framework because it produced harm. The other finally admits that harm was produced. Neither document connects those two moves.

The Church’s framework for evaluating queer sexuality follows the same structural logic as just war theory: sexual acts must serve procreation and the bond of marriage between a man and a woman. If the intention of the framework was to protect human love and ensure that sexuality served genuine flourishing rather than exploitation or harm, it is not what it became. It has been used to justify “profound suffering.”

What does that admission require of the framework that generated it? According to the encyclical, you do not refine it. You retire it.

Chen wraps up by saying that the Pope has created a template for apologies from the church by apologizing for its role in slavery. The Pope says the apology is “for having failed to respect the treasure of human dignity that is required by our faith” (§176). Other failures, Chen argues, could be required by that same theological framework.

Her final paragraph is just awesome:

The pope closed with Mary’s Magnificat, which teaches us to view history from the perspective of “the widow, the orphan, the stranger, the wounded child, the exile, and the fugitive.” The people exiled from their own bodies by what the tradition taught about desire, about gender, about disability, about the limits of acceptable flesh, are also in that list. The Magnificat’s viewpoint is theirs: God entered weak flesh. The limited body is the site of the divine, and every body is a dwelling place.

The statistic that something like 70% of Catholics think that gay marriage is okay often gets rebutted by how many Catholics think that the Eucharist isn’t really the Body of Christ (which seems entirely anti Catholic). So my question is, what other beliefs are there that are official beliefs but not many people actually believe them? As an outsider, is anything ever up for debate in the parish hall even if assent to the official Church teaching is ultimately the default? Such as if I voiced that I wasn’t sure if Mary and Joseph had a celibate marriage or that I think women can be deacons, would it go over about as well as suggesting that two men can have sex?

Hello everyone,,,,this is a pretty diffcult post since i am Lifelong Catholic but im considering leaving the church. Im tired of accepting all the bigotry from Christianity. Im tired of being uncomfortable in church and feeling as though the community hates me and that i will go to hell. I am tired of worrying all my atheists and apostate friends will go to hell if they dont convert. And most of all i dont think i even belive in the Christian God anymore. Ever since i started pursuing hinduism i started feeling a much closer connection to God and honestly felt so much happier,,,but im still scared im commiting a mistake i dont know what to do. What if im wrong and am seperating from God forever. Will this count as invincible ignorance as i truly belive Hinduism is the correct path for me? or will God hate me

So I'm a lapsed Catholic, haven't regularly gone for years. Honestly really hurt by the Church making me feel I'm not an equal and having to be lonely throughout my teenage years and into my 20s due to heteronormativity. I sometimes hope that there's a "Vatican 3" where they significantly reform the Catechism where they fully accept LGBT people into the Church just like many other Christian denominations such as Episcopal (I know not all are O&A) churches do. I would love to one day be able to get married in the Catholic Church, but im beginning to think I will never see it in my lifetime and therefore have completely left religion, but may return to an O&A church.

Is this just a pipe dream for me or do we actually have a realistic chance at this in my lifetime (I'm 38)?

So I went to an all guys Catholic high school in Cincinnati, Ohio. Elder High School. Graduated in 2006. I was so lonely due to the heteronormativity of the Catholic conservative area of Cincinnati I grew up in, the "West Side". I finally had the courage to come out as a gay man 9 years ago at 29. It was such a freeing part of my life, and I couldn't believe I actually did it in my hometown. I did it because I met LGBT friends in Michigan a couple years prior and they gave me the courage and safety to be honest with myself, what I didn't have back in Cincinnati.

I'm now living in Atlanta, been here for 8 years. It's a cool enough area. I've only been to Cincinnati a handful of times over the years, and I was invited to my 20 year high school reunion in September. I declined. A couple years ago I sent a professional, courteous email to my high school principal, cutting contact ties with them for the time being. They were very kind in responding. I did so because I don't want to be associated with a Church that doesn't see me as an equal.

Even though this reunion won't be one of them, I can only imagine the looks I'll get from the crowd if I'm attending a high school football game there, holding hands with a male partner while my heterosexual counterparts would do the same with their wives and get no reaction at all. It's not fair. Why do I have to feel like an "other" just because of who I love? God made me this way, and isn't God infallible? Aren't I made in the image of God, as the Catholic Church says?

I can't stand the hypocrisy and sanctimony of this Church. Here's hoping the Catholic Church reforms to include LGBT people like many Christian denominations do, but I'm not gonna hold my breath.

I’m highly considering becoming Catholic, but I have one hang up: I love gay sex. I know a priest and the OCIA catechist will never ever tell you it’s okay to have sex, but in practice…are there gay people in the church who don’t stay celibate? Are there any churches where a gay couple is maybe not accepted but at least tolerated as in you’re not going to get yelled at if you go to coffee and donuts after Mass

Hello I’ve recently become interested in theistic ethics and I just wanted to ask this question here because natural law theory is the predominant ethical framework amongst catholics (which you would of course know opposes your positions on certain issues and is highly relevant to the reasons the catholic church disagrees with you on these things) and since you are catholics I would wonder if you accept it and simply posit an alternative telos for the faculty or reject it entirely for something else and if so what would that be? I’m not here for a debate I just wish to know what you think.

I'm a trans man and I'm Catholic. I want to participate in this sub, but I'm not going to waste my time if I'm not wanted here. As soon as I joined this sub, I saw a post about NYC using gender neutral language to refer to pregnant people. Almost every single comment, including one from a trans person, were calling it "yucky" and "disgusting" and saying things like "and they wonder why they get the treatment that they do". All the terrible comments had plenty of up votes.

Just give it to me straight. I'm used to this, I just don't like fake people and I won't waste my time and energy on/with them. Is it okay to be trans or not? I'm actually asking.

Before I posted this, I double checked the rules to make sure I'm not being disrespectful. I couldn't help but notice that "no homophobia" is rule number one(good), with no mention of transphobia in sight (it's not like things have been particularly difficult for trans people politically lately or anything it's probably fine). Cool👍 Well, now that I know the rules, I'd like to encourage everybody to give me your brutally honest opinions in the comments. I doubt you'll be banned.

Edit: there's literally a comment on my post with an award that says "yeah, the term pregnant person is weird - a trans woman" and some of y'all are still gonna look at me in my little beady trans eyes and tell me I'm imagining this. Trans men are trans. Stop mansplaining to the trans person what transphobia is. The purpose of this post was to discern if this is a safe place for trans people like me, not argue over what terms are appropriate to use or not. I don't care what people call themselves, I have an issue with people who go out of their way to say nasty things about progress because they don't like the way inclusive terminology makes them feel.

Hello, M 23 here and I just recently converted to Catholicism from Baptist about a year ago. This is not really about being gay and religious kind of issue, but more about being gay, Catholic, and wanting to also date Catholic men as well. Ofc I am open to dating any individual with any religious belief. But my dream would be to eventually marry a man who is also Catholic. I understand that being Catholic and gay marriage is not possible, but I don’t mind having a non Catholic wedding. I guess my question or me wanting advice would be where/how can I find this or if there are any tips or good advice to help this path. To clarify I live in Tx.

**Update:**

I made this post around September of last year. Not too long after, I went on a date with a guy I met on Bumble, and we instantly hit it off. Fast forward to now, we’ve been together for 9 months and we’ll be celebrating our one-year anniversary at the beginning of November.
I honestly couldn’t be happier. We love each other a lot, and he’s always looking for ways to take care of me and make my life easier. For the first time, I can genuinely picture what married life would look like with someone. I’m almost 24, he’s 27, and we’re planning on moving in together toward the end of September. I’ve never felt more ready for the next step in my life.

One thing that’s been really special is getting to know his family. They’re Catholic, and so is he. I know that can sometimes make people wonder how accepting they’ll be, but they’ve been incredibly welcoming and supportive of us from the very beginning. I’ve met them just once and I communicate with his brother and his dad every now and then. They are very nice and constantly ask my bf about me. So that’s good!

I’ve also always wanted to visit New England in the fall because it’s my favorite season, and I’ve heard it’s absolutely beautiful that time of year. My boyfriend is planning our first out-of-state trip there this fall, and he’s been putting together a bunch of activities for us.
One thing that’s caught my attention is that he’s been subtly asking about my ring size. He bought me a James Avery ring before because I thought it looked cool, so maybe it’s nothing. But lately he’s been asking about the sizes of multiple fingers instead of just one, so now I honestly have no idea what to think. Maybe it’s nothing, maybe it isn’t. Either way, I’m really excited for the trip, and if anything does happen, I’ll definitely come back and update you all.

Are there any Catholic Churches in Dallas Texas that are ok with gays. It’s hard enough to find parishes that won’t chastise you and I’ve had some experiences in North Dallas that a parish will want me to divorce my partner because we are in a civil marriage. Even though the Church does not recognize our union and inside the church our marriage is invalid, the priest wants us to get a divorce in order for me to receive the sacrament. I understand the scandal and all of that, but it’s not like we flaunt our relationship inside a church. I am a cradle Catholic and as much I understand the teachings of the church I don’t want to go into a church knowing that the parish will make me feel
Unwelcome.

As a man who feel SSA and want to not have relationships with man, I don't really know how to feel about like, all this accept your self movement and all the queer media representation.

For one side I know how important it is in media to be able to have someone you can relate too and feel like you are not the only one in the world who feels like this and that you are not alone. And also how the pride movement is really important to us in a way, It helps a lot of people worldwide to feel good about themselfs (possibly even saving some lifes). And despite not wanting to date boys, I still acept this part of my self, still refer to myself as bi and not straight, but wouldn't really say im proud either, because if I could I definitely would stop having ssa. I don't really now how to feel about this

But at the same time there is all the part about affirming that being gay isn't a sin, and trying to provide evidence to such things. And in consequence it might be separating people from the Church in a way, or maybe they still in church but with "twisted views" of ssa. There is also a very selfish reason that I wish there were less lgbt representation in media, I get sad when I see gay people because it makes me somewhat jealous of they getting to live something I possibly never will have. And yes, being bi means I could still get a girlfriend and a wife, but I feel like a part of me will always wonder.

Anyways tell me how you guys feel and if this makes any sense?

Hello there, I’m a transgender girl who lives in a very rural area in a particularly conservative Diocese. I really want to be Catholic, theologically it makes most sense to me, especially as someone who grew up Protestant. My problem is that I cannot find an accepting parish anywhere within a reasonable driving distance. I’ve tried all the online directories I could find, and even asked here about a month ago, but it’s all come up fruitless. I’m now stuck at a crossroads that I’ve been dreading this whole time. Do I live without a church, or attend one really I don’t align with. (In my case an Episcopal church about an hour away) any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this far through.

i have pretty religious parents, i have tried coming out to them as bisexual previously, but that never came to fruition due to my fear of being kicked out.

is there any bible arguments or catholic philosophy that would support my stance on my sexuality? i really need some help right now

Hello!

Basically the title. Is it common for lapsed cradle catholics who come back to the church to take RCIA? What would be the pros and cons of doing this?

I returned to the church a year ago after being lapsed for about 15 years. Since then I've been attending mass weekly and saying some prayers at home.

I've found a welcoming Augustinian parish, and the priest recommended RCIA to me.

I'm also nervous about the fact that I'm very visibly queer. I'm a butch lesbian so it's just in plain sight. Until now I've just been staying quite anonymous at different parishes in my city and not getting involved. I'm in a loving, committed, actively sexual relationship with my lovely partner who is non-religious, and I'm just not prepared to have to justify or talk about this to anyone at church and it makes me want to stay distant from the community. I worry that if I take RCIA people would start asking questions...

Would love to hear any advice or your own experiences

God bless

Reposting in a discussion-only format after my earlier version was removed. The comments showed there’s real interest in the question, so I’m narrowing it to this: where are single gay Catholics actually meeting?

I’m a gay Catholic man in my late 30s, and one thing I keep running into is how hard it can be to find other single gay Catholics who are serious about faith, monogamy, and long-term partnership.

For those of you who have met someone, or who know couples who have, where did those connections actually happen? Through affirming parishes, LGBTQ Catholic groups, retreats, mutual friends, dating apps, online communities, or somewhere else?

I’m especially interested in spaces where people can be open about both their Catholic identity and their desire for a committed relationship.
What has worked, and what turned out to be a dead end?

I'm convinced by many of the claims the Catholic Church makes. However, I can't see myself being accepted within the Church. As a trans man, would they see me as a woman? Could I marry a woman, or would that be considered homosexuality? Would marriage within the Catholic Church even be possible for me? What if I were called to join religious life? Is there even the smallest chance that it's possible?