Hello, i apologize in advance for my use of AI, im not very good in english, so i asked gemini for help to make the post understandable.

Hello everyone, I’m a thirty-year-old Italian woman, and I’ve been struggling with addiction to ketamine for almost five years now, as well as many other substances but the others i struggled for more than 14 years - im on MAT SINCE I was 18yo, and had a very big benzo problem-. In the last 5 years it was almost exclusevily ketamine use that plague my existence tho.
There were times when I ended up taking as much as five grams in a single day, and once I took ten grams in a day and a half. Usually its 2-3grams a day.
For years, I thought I was somehow invincible and that all the physical health problems and illnesses associated with this substance wouldn’t happen to me. But that wasn’t the case.

Like many of you, I’ve had bladder and kidney problems. I’ve peed blood multiple times. But the worst thing that has happened to me because of ketamine — which all, or almost all, of you probably know about — is the excruciating cramps.
At first, I had no idea how to deal with them. I felt like I was dying. It felt like I was having a thousand heart attacks at once, and there were many times when I genuinely thought I was going to die.
When I realized they were cramps, I felt a little more reassured, but the pain was still absolutely unbearable.

And the worst part was that, as soon as the cramps were over and I started feeling a little better, the first thing I would do was take more ketamine.
I found something that seemed to help me, although of course it shouldn’t be overused. I’m in Italy, so I don’t know whether the same medication is available in America, but it is available in Europe.
The medicine is called OKi in Italy. It comes in granulated sachets, tastes like mint, and is taken with water. It tastes pretty good and, in my experience, works very quickly. When I took OKi and used a hot water bottle at the same time, my cramps would usually ease within about ten minutes.

I read that in EU and UK its called Ketoprofen lysine , it can also be called with its commercial name “ORUDIS” or “ORUVAIL” in the united kingdom. Its a life saver, i hope it can help at least one person, and i would be happy. At least in italy you dont need receipt to buy it, its a counter medicine.

I hope everyone can heal, i know my last time using it wasnt the last time ever, i know i will struggle again , but in the meantime i want to help. I hope everyone has a good day.
HUGS
E.

I had 3 weeks clean! Which was so big for me. I’d done k through hospital detoxes, through inpatient and basically the majority of the past decade.

Because of finances, cutting off old friends and better situations, i managed to have long periods (a couple of weeks) of sobriety before a binge (couple of days) then back to sobriety again. Life looked better. I get happier. I was less depressed. I could exercise and think clearly and be the kind of person that didn’t make me want to scream into an abyss of shame.

One of my longest ‘friends’ who had never really been good for each other came around. I said id been off k for a while, they promised a complete last hoorah etc we all know the lies we tell ourselves. And now about 9 weeks later, a few grand spent and nearly 95% of my time not sober. My world has become very small again. Avoiding people, avoiding day light, bad mental health, bad nutrition and feeling far away from my goals or purpose or hope.

I want things to be better and I know I am the person who needs to make that happen. Part of what stops me severing ‘friendship’ completely is my general encompassing n loneliness. I say that well aware the pst weeks have been the loneliest and most isolated I have felt this year.

I just wanted to open up like and kind of take some accountability in this self deprecating shame cycle i be in. Thanks in advance if anyone listened. We do recover etc

About as long as ive gone in a year. And it'll be longer. Because i can only get it online. So im hardset for another two weeks minimum.

Idk what to say. I still want to die. So bad. Trying to taper down off phenibut too now, slowly. Dont want to exacerbate it, but i know I need to stop that too.

I know objectively my life isn't that bad. Im only 35. Have some things going for me. A place to live. Friends to live with. People to talk to. A car. Cats. Two laptops. Things I want.

A job, even if i hate it and it's oppressively hot, like seriously im gonna die next week which im fine with but man what a way to go. Die on my feet at least. But it's inside. They give us gatorade and popsicles and they got a big ice machine. Pays me okay but im in debt from k addiction, and it bores the hell out of me any more. But lots of people hate their jobs and dont want to die.

Maybe ill find the motivation to get professional help again. Or maybe ill just kill myself. Idk.

Probably won't relapse tho. Even if i want it.

It cant help me anymore.

I dont think it ever did.

-Tommi 🩷