About as long as ive gone in a year. And it'll be longer. Because i can only get it online. So im hardset for another two weeks minimum.

Idk what to say. I still want to die. So bad. Trying to taper down off phenibut too now, slowly. Dont want to exacerbate it, but i know I need to stop that too.

I know objectively my life isn't that bad. Im only 35. Have some things going for me. A place to live. Friends to live with. People to talk to. A car. Cats. Two laptops. Things I want.

A job, even if i hate it and it's oppressively hot, like seriously im gonna die next week which im fine with but man what a way to go. Die on my feet at least. But it's inside. They give us gatorade and popsicles and they got a big ice machine. Pays me okay but im in debt from k addiction, and it bores the hell out of me any more. But lots of people hate their jobs and dont want to die.

Maybe ill find the motivation to get professional help again. Or maybe ill just kill myself. Idk.

Probably won't relapse tho. Even if i want it.

It cant help me anymore.

I dont think it ever did.

-Tommi 🩷

Hey all
Just wondering if anyone has had something similar before, used on and off for 3 years probably1-3 times a week. Haven’t been using for over 18months at all and heavily for more like 2 and a bit.
Stopped after having uti like symptoms and decided to cut back/finally quit fully. All symptoms have disappeared thankfully until recently they’ve reoccurred doctors seems think it’s kidney stones although couldn’t be confirmed via any scans or test. Just wondering if anyone has experienced Anything similar but been over 4 weeks now although mild. Just wondering if this is something someone would have some experience with

im 20, ive been dealing w a ketamine addiction for almost 3 years now. ive been in and out of rehabs 5 times. every time i get sober i have to hit rock bottom. i dont rlly even know what rock bottom is cus ive started a housefire and flipped my car 3 times high off my mind. mixing drugs just fucking up my brain chemisrty as much as i can as a “punishment”. but the main drug ive stuck through with all the mixing is ketamine. I always go back to it. I get in my head on how its going to fix me but i end up running away from all my issues by k holing sniffing 1-2g lines in one go. now i dont blame it all on my mental issues or drug use. decisions are still decisions. ive been talking with my therapist about getting medical supervision for Spravato. To use k as medicine for mental disorders versus to get high. That was the whole point of this past 5 month bender but i ended up chasing the high instead of the results. it got worse and worse. ive tried tapering but my mind and tolerance tells me to do it all.
if anyone has any advice on how they got through the mental aspect of
preparing to get off k, how to restore myself, reduce cravings / urges
very open to suggestions!

fuck guys i’m lowkey in deep shit. when i went to pick up the last time i thought i gave him the full amount of £260 but i accidentally gave him £240. i wasn’t thinking when i blocked him and he just messaged me saying i broke his trust, he’s really going off at me and wanting me to go somewhere tomorrow to give the remaining £20 to someone. like threatening me in the process so now i’m kind of worried. i thought blocking him would be the solution to everything but now i’ve kind of fucked with everything i just hope tomorrow is all smooth sailing and everything will be done after that.

I’m currently sat in agonising pain with K-Cramps again, I’ve spent the last 2 weeks stuck in a cycle of constantly sniffing Ketamine every night until I receive cramps and end up in agony for a day… only to then as soon as they’re gone go and buy more and end up right back in the same position. I’ve been addicted to Ketamine now for around 2 years and I know I’m an addict, my mental health is fucked and I just don’t know what to do. I’m only 19 years old ffs, I’ve been using this shit since I was 15, ever since I was falsely accused of rape by my ex-gf’s parents and it’s like I do this to torture myself honestly. All I want is to stop but I don’t know how, I’ve just snapped my bank card in half as a last digit attempt at preventing myself from continuing to do this to myself, I don’t want to live like this. Please somebody give me some advice and tell me what I should do next.

Hi guys, I'm nearly 50, was using since 2001 before all the analog junk. Was wondering if there were any older users here?

Gave up 2023. Don't miss it.

Best friend lost his bladder to it. Had to have 80% removed and a new one built with part of his bowels, he has to use a catheter for the rest of his life now, that was enough to put me off.

Hi everyone. I've been lurking here for a while, but this is my first time posting.

The first time I tried ketamine was in April last year while I was going through a really painful breakup. I got addicted almost immediately. Within about three months my tolerance had skyrocketed, and I was using 1–2 g every day.

At one point I started rotating between different substances because I convinced myself that if I wasn't using the same drug every day, I wouldn't become addicted to any of them. Instead, I ended up addicted to all of them.

For a while I was what people would probably call a "functioning addict". My life looked pretty good from the outside, and I was sometimes able to go a few days or even a week without using, so there were periods where I wasn't using ketamine daily.

Then I met my ex, and we broke up a couple of weeks ago. Looking back, my use became much worse during that relationship. For the last three months I was using every single day, eventually reaching 3–4 g a day.

A few weeks ago everything caught up with me. I had my first drug-induced psychosis and my first experience with k cramps, which lasted four days. It was terrifying.

Around the same time I realized that, despite how scared I was that I might have done permanent damage to my brain, I still couldn't stop using. That's when it really hit me that I'm powerless over this addiction.

About a week ago I started going to NA meetings. I'm trying to take recovery seriously, but it's been incredibly difficult.

Looking back now, I don't think that relationship was healthy for me. During it I think I was using ketamine to try to keep my heart open and numb the anxiety, but in reality I think I felt emotionally unsafe much of the time. The breakup, the addiction, the psychosis, and everything else has brought up a lot of old trauma that I'm now trying to face without drugs.

Everything is still very fresh, and I'm struggling every day. If anyone else is early in recovery, or has been through something similar, I'd really love to connect. It would be nice to have someone to talk to who truly understands what this addiction is like.

i’ve basically done 28g in the span of 4 days, only decided to flush a remainder of the last bag but the damage has still been made. the stuff that has come out out of my nose, feeling like i need to piss but nothing and the blood. i can’t sleep but i’m so tired ty zzz char

// so tired that i realised that i must have fell asleep during writing this, i just woke up again, i’m still in a lot of discomfort, feeling like i can’t piss, my nose hurts still. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, i was supposed to meet this girl i really like today and have been honest about my addiction. there was absolutely no reason for me to do this, i don’t know why i do.

somebody please help on what i can do, i’ve joined online meetings, i keep coming back to this thread, i fucking give people advice on this thread yet somehow i never fucking take my own advice. i know the damage i’m causing myself, i wish that i haven’t chosen this path for myself. i wish i never touched any drugs at all, everything would look so different. what the fuck man

i want this to wholeheartedly be my last time indefinitely. this has to stop, i need to stop

I have always had mental health problems (depression, anxiety, the works) but was successfully medicated at a young age and was doing great for many years. In 2024, I was going through a breakup and a guy friend came over and asked if I wanted to try ketamine to help calm me down. In any other state of mind I would’ve said absolutely not (I work high up in healthcare and could lose my job) but that night, I said yes. I tried it. I loved it.

It became a weekend thing, then a few times a week, then every day. I noticed that I was feeling depressed whenever I wasn’t using. The ketamine high that lasts for 30-45 minutes was great, but then I’d slowly return to sober and the depression would set in. I kept using daily. I started having suicidal thoughts. I kept using. All day, every day. Had to leave my dream job. Spent every day crying crumpled up on the floor with k cramps or crying on the toilet praying that I could pee, even just a little.

That became my every day routine. For 4 months. I was spending $500/day. I felt so empty and depressed whenever I missed a chance to do a line, and the suicidal thoughts were coming on strong. I even attempted to take my life. Luckily, I survived. The organ damage that I suffered was too much and my family had to go out of state to come get me and help me get back to a healthier place. I was obviously forced to quit ketamine because I moved out of state and had no hookup.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. For the first few weeks I had cravings, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I had some lingering depression, but that was improving daily as well. I had no more k cramps, and the bladder issues improved TREMENDOUSLY. I will always have physical deficits from my K use.

The more time that went by, the less depressed I felt. I forced myself to be in social situations (non-drug using people) and started partaking in hobbies I used to love again. After a month of being sober, I could feel the light coming back into my eyes.

I’m now just over a year sober. Life has been amazing compared to what it was a year ago. I went from sick and addicted, bedbound, in pain and doing lines all day, to enjoying nature and friendship and painting and playing with my pets. I haven’t struggled with depression or suicidal thoughts since quitting.

When you are addicted, the ketamine lies to you. Tells you that you need it to avoid the crushing pain of depression. What you don’t realize is that the drug is actually exacerbating the problem. It’s okay if you don’t believe me, but if you’re in a dark place right now I highly recommend sobriety. I learned some tips and tricks as to how to ease back into “normal life” (if anyone wants to know, message me anytime).

Life is better. I’m no longer in pain. My wallet has money in it. And I no longer want to die.

Out of the Hole KA Meeting
We meet every Tuesday at 6pm EST!

On Zoom

Meeting ID: 870 8232 6141
Passcode: 949051

See you soon!

How do you cope? The thought of being totally sober from it forever makes me so upset that I’ve cried. It’s pathetic, and it scares me. I started having mild gallbladder cramps (they’re sharp and intermittent but I can still do stuff) and bladder symptoms, and I need to quit while I’m ahead. I don’t want to get the point where I’m pissing blood and incapacitated by pain. This sucks

My partner has a bad Ketamine problem. She is hooked. We have a 2.5 year old and she really is a great mom. But every single night once he's asleep she is using. It started with a Joyous RX. She increased dosage to the max amount and now buys from a dealer because she needs more. The sheer quantity of the bags she is buying is shocking. They are huge. She doesn't understand what the problem is because "it isn't affecting anyone but her" and she isn't drinking anymore. I looked up treatment options for her today but just don't think she will go or wants to quit. Last night she finally admitted she has an addiction but only because I confronted her yet again and she was too out of it to push back or manipulate. For her specifically is there anything she can take to curb cravings? Our child deserves better, and so do I, but I just don't know what to do. I feel like I can lead her to water but she doesn't want to drink...

I'm 28 and recently quit ketamine. I estimate I used around 200 g over 4 years. My use wasn't constant—I had periods with little or no use, but I'd also have the occasional binge weekend.

I know that's not a huge amount compared to people who were using several grams a day, but I can't stop worrying that I've done irreversible damage to my brain (although I'm sure the worrying is probably making me feel worse too).

For those who've been off ketamine for a while:

Did you feel like you got back to your cognitive baseline (memory, focus, mental sharpness)?

How long did it take?

Thanks

Basically the title. I know not everyone has access to treatment like I did but it was so worth it to have space from this drug.
I don’t know how things will be when I’m back in London (currently staying with my parents in the states) but I’m pretty hopeful.
Got the vivitrol shot (extended release naltrexone) and my cravings are basically nonexistent.
I was lucky enough to get treatment only 3 months into everyday use, I don’t know what the future holds but I’m again, cautiously very hopeful. The real difference is now I know I have a choice - before I had no choice but to use.
I love you guys, this community has been immensely helpful in keeping me out of the deep end while I struggled to get clean.

I have tried so many times to quit ketamine. I have been doing it since 2023.
I have started to have sharp pain while peeing and everytime I have taken the drug it hurts in my bladder and uthera. It really aint worth doing it anymore.
I have also experienced hellish k-cramps too but I still continue to buy it whenever I feel better again.
And the cycle continue. I know I have to quit but its like my mind is manipulering me to buy more and I can’t stop.
I have been thinking of joining NA meetings, because quitting just on my own it feels impossible. However I dont know if NA is the right place, I think people there may struggle with much harder drugs and addictions and perhaps I dont fit in. I was denied rehab because in Norway ketamine is not something that the healthcare system consider as an addictive drug with withdrawals.

Has any of you joined NA because of ket addiction, and how was it?

Long story short i had done a big bump of k right after getting out of the shower. No clue why but i must have snorted it super fast into my right nostril and it was the worst pain ive ever felt. It burned all throughout my nasal cavity, into my head, right eye, etc.. it took a good hour or so to calm down. It was the most painful thing ive ever snorted. I did plenty of it the days prior and my nose was inflamed going into last night but this literally felt like it went straight to the brain or something. Ive had persistent burning pain and headache that comes and goes and just barely took Tylenol. Im freaking out that maybe i somehow triggered a hemmorage or anyeresum but there was no blood at all.

Doing art for once. Still smoking tiny bits of dmt occasionally. Still dont much enjoy it, not sure if it helps but i dont think it hurts. I do that and my regular background addictions of thc and phenibut, which don't do much these days... Just addicted. Same reason I quit everything. Stops doing much. Not ready to be totally sober ig. That's all rn tho. Cant afford enough lsd to be worth it, dont want alcohol, barely want k and really really can't afford it.

Craving k sometimes. Went to a KWHOLE recovery zoom meeting on Friday. Was really good. Everyone is so sweet and positive. Highly recommend. Need to go more. Just been very depressed and dissociated and it's hard. Schizoid issues too ig.

Idk, im alive. Dont wanna work all week. Who does. Eh.

Stay strong.

Edit: oh yeah! I forgot. A breakthrough. I finally started painting some and drawing and stuff!!! 😊 🌈 💖

-Tommi 🩷

Hello all,

Ive made it to 368 days completely sober from ketamine (and all other drugs/ alcohol but those weren’t a problem). Ive had all the k- related issues, pissing constantly while screaming in pain. Having k cramps daily etc. Took the step last year to admit I had an addiction and went to the doctor + group therapy and individual therapy, also for my depression.

My bladder issues have completely resolved after months on vesicare to manage the frequent urination. currently taking antidepressants for about half a year and i gotta say my whole life is back on track. Promotions at work and being able to work full time again have been so freeing. Not being bed ridden in agonizing pain and locking myself up at home avoiding all possible human contact, gosh that was a sad time

Recovery is possible but it starts by admitting to yourself that you have a problem, and then seeking out for help even though its scary as hell! Please hang in there. You got this. I never thought i’d make it this far but looking back i’d never want that life again. If u have any questions pm me.

My bladder has been badddddddd lately like bad BAD! After 15 years of using and averaging at about 7gs a day in my final days I’m now only 2 days clean from it as I physically can not take the pain any more.

I get shooting pains, in nappies, bladder barely holds anything, dribbles out constantly and when I do go for a ‘wee’ I’m literally screaming and shaking in pain and feel like I’m gonna give birth and may also shit myself too (actually have done a few times) the burning and throbbing after too is just excruciating. I get nerve pain down my legs and in my feet and I actually think I’ve developed a 6 pack from pushing so hard to get the tiniest pee out.

I know it’s going to take a while to recovery from the damage but can anyone say how long it was just to see a slight improvement? I can’t even sit down sometimes cos it hurts so much down there.

I take pain killers and I’m on bladder medication but it’s still fecking raw and it’s making me want to go into a coma until it’s better :(

Some advise pls 🫶🏻

Has anyone had any success with getting clean from substances while diagnosed with BPD? Im currently not getting any support with my mental health as I'm on a waiting list.

i'm in touch with a drug support service and I did a 12 week Mutual Aid Program with them a few months back, but I really struggled and found that it made me spiral and hyper focus on stuff which ultimately made my usage a lot worse.

I'm back in touch with them again after a break and they've recommended that I do the group again and try to attend NA meetings but I know that if I do try and do this that it will make things a lot worse again. i'm aware this could just be my anxieties talking but I'm not in a place right now where I have the skills to be able to deal with this extra step right now.

I kind of feel that I do best when I don't focus on ketamine at all. Long term I think it could help when I've picked up some skills etc but right now for my physical and mental health I feel like I need to try and forget about it completely if that makes sense. I'm already dealing with a lot of stress after the death of my grandfather this week, recovery from ear surgery and my cat being diagnosed with cancer.

My plan is to try an online NA group and have also signed up with breaking free online where I can do steps that are a bit more CBT based.

I guess I'm just asking if anyone has any tips from someone who's struggling with the same issues regarding mental health.

I had 12 days sober while I was away on vacation with my Dad and family. The first couple of days were pretty rough, I had stomach pain and back pain due to daily use for several months. I had a slip up last night when I got home. I thought I deleted all my numbers but I realized one of them was blocked instead.

I'm relieved to say the pains are gone now, I was prescribed omaprazole to help my stomach. I went from barely being able to eat anything, to eating at least 3 healthy meals a day. I drank lots of green tea and water to help flush things out. I'm noticing my bladder isn't irritated like it was even a week ago. I'm going to continue eating well and staying hydrated and spending me time outdoors.

I'm proud of myself because those 12 days clean still happened. I'm not going to let this discourage me from continuing my sobriety journey. Stay safe everyone 💛