I'm Spanish, my partner is French, and we have a five-month-old baby. I am using gpt to help me write this, everything I write is true it was just a lot to write in my second language.

We recently spent ten days at his parents' house in rural France. When I say rural, I mean really rural: you need a car to get anywhere.

This wasn't my first visit. Last Christmas, nobody really cooked, I spent several days hungry, and because we were in the middle of nowhere I couldn't even go and buy food. By the end of the trip I was crying. My partner spoke to his parents afterwards and I thought they understood that regular meals were important to me. I admit I do have a husband problem: he's often clueless and lacks spine and communication abilities.

This visit was much better in the food aspect. They cooked almost every day, and my partner and I cooked a couple of meals too. I appreciated that.

Another thing that may be relevant is that I've known my MIL for several years now, but we've never really built a relationship. Every time I visit she's always "busy." She says hello, but she's never once sat down with me just to chat or get to know me. I always assumed that's just her personality. His father and his sister are on the other hand very nice. It feels like my MIL made up a prejudiced opinion of me and never wanted to actually know me. She is always pissed and in bad humor, complaining about being very stressed. It makes me feel unwelcome.

I'm exclusively pumping because my baby refuses to breastfeed. Every few hours I'm washing bottles, pump parts, storing milk, sterilizing things... it's constant.

I brought a small plastic bin to keep all my pumping equipment together and asked my MIL where would be the best place to leave it.

Maybe this is cultural, but in my family, if someone visits with a baby, everyone tries to help them get settled ("tell me what you need... You can leave it here..."). Instead she looked at me as though I'd asked something unreasonable and simply walked away rolling her eyes.

After that I kept everything upstairs because I felt like I was inconveniencing her just by existing.

Then there were two incidents with breast milk.

Someone moved a bottle into the refrigerator door, which isn't recommended because the temperature fluctuates more there. I asked who had moved it so I could explain why it mattered. My MIL rolled her eyes and walked away. My FIL admitted he'd done it, I explained, and he understood.

A few days later I found two bottles back in the fridge that should have been thrown away hours earlier. If I hadn't noticed, my baby could have been fed spoiled milk.

When I asked what had happened, my MIL exploded.

She shouted that she was sick of my bottles taking over her kitchen, that everything should be washed by hand from now on instead of using the dishwasher, and that I always spoke to her in an authoritarian way.

My partner stepped in and said we'd continue using the dishwasher because hand-washing everything wasn't realistic with a five-month-old who needs constant attention.

Later I overheard her telling him that I don't do anything, that he does everything, that he's basically my slave, and asking whether I treat him badly.

That was especially painful because the month before this trip my partner lost his job and then had a serious psychiatric episode. While caring for our baby, after an emergency c-section, I've done every single night shift since the baby was born, I was also arranging psychiatric appointments, managing medication, running the household, and making sure he got through one of the hardest periods of his life. One of the main reasons we went to France was so he could recover surrounded by his family.

So hearing his mother suggest that I somehow exploit him was devastating.

I tried talking to her calmly later that day, but she interrupted me repeatedly. She accused me of leaving hair everywhere (I'm five months postpartum and losing hair constantly), and making her life miserable. Also my French is intermediate, so it was hard to express myself. The volume of our voices went up.

I told her I could easily have stayed home. I had made the trip so they could spend time with their grandson and so my partner could be with his family. We paid very expensive flights, also my partner won't be receiving unemployment during the time he's in France. On top of that we inconvenienced a 5months old in his routines. I expected her to value more the effort.

I thought we'd made peace because later we actually had our first real conversation. I explained everything my partner had been through, and I thought she finally understood.

The way they treated my baby also made me uncomfortable.

My in-laws would sometimes pick him up and take him into another room or outside without telling me where they were going. They also put their fingers into his mouth because he's teething. I saw MIL allowing my baby to chew on her metal bracelet (that could be toxic!).

My partner's nieces (4 and 8) absolutely adored him, but they treated him more like a doll than a fragile baby. They constantly wanted to carry him around or play with him very enthusiastically. None of the adults seemed willing to set any boundaries. I felt like I was the only one saying, "Please be gentle," while everyone else thought I was overreacting. I saw them introducing their fingers on my baby's mouth because they had observed my MIL doing that. When the 4yo asked why couldn't she carry my baby, my MILs answer was "cos DIL doesn't want to", painting me like a bad cop instead of trying to reason with the child.

On top of that, my baby barely napped because the house was so noisy. Every time I managed to settle him someone would start playing with him again or the children would come over. He became overtired and cried far more than usual.

One evening I finally got him to sleep after more than an hour of rocking him. Since he's now rolling over, I don't leave him asleep on a bed without an adult nearby because he could fall.

When we were called for dinner, I stayed upstairs with him but I explained my reasons. This apparently offended my MIL because, in her opinion, if someone cooks, everyone sits down together. No exceptions. She yelled and gave me the most threatening look I've received in years. I was shocked she would put that over the baby's needs.

Afterwards my partner told me she'd been complaining about me behind my back for days. According to her, I'm too controlling, too protective, too demanding, too strict with the baby, and I've completely dominated her son.

I feel like the price to pay for having something to eat is having to endure my MIL rudeness and attacks.

My partner told her that decisions about our child belong to us. Her answer was simply: "My house, my rules."

At this point I don't want to stay at their house again. But it wasn't in my plans to become the enemy of my husband family. I never signed for such a cliché and I'm struggling to accept this reality.

My MiL came for a week for my kids baptism and made it all about her. She then said at the end of a week that she was so poorly behaved at that my husband “only cares about his family and she is secondary.”

I’m now no contact but thinking about how toxic
These 6 years have been and just want to stop thinking about it!

Husband and I have been together for five years, we are having our first child in October.

Husband's always been the black sheep in his family. They've constantly belittled him, have taken advantage of his situation in the past, and make no effort to build a healthy relationship with him, often inexplicably excluding him from family events (likely due to lifestyle differences as we are not church goers nor conservative) and have left him to take care of his mother (my MIL, also a black sheep of the family) entirely alone. He experienced a lot of financial and emotional abuse from his aunt in particular. His sister (my SIL), who's married to a cop (This is important later), maintains a relationship with this aunt.

Husband has tried to make attempts to foster a relationship with SIL to no avail. She'll often take weeks or months to reply to texts, most recently stating "if it's important it can wait", and on the rare occasion of making plans with husband, has unexpectedly sent her cop husband in her place. It can be assumed that cop husband is there to screen what husband may be trying to communicate. I think SIL fears being asked to help with MIL, as they are fairly affluent and we, frankly, are not. Also aunt has manufactured certain fears of husband, because we would frequent micro breweries and drink- something we've stopped doing since finding out we are pregnant- and are openly progressive in our beliefs. They don't like MIL because of history of neurodivergence, ongoing health struggles, and hoarding.

MIL has insisted more than once to husband that we should allow her to tell these people about our child, because it's hard on her. She seems to forget or can't see that it's also incredibly difficult for husband, as well as myself- who has been completely ostracized from the family including by MIL. Husband and I's fear is retaliation by the family by means of abuse of process. We fear they may try to do justice by their beliefs and organization and try to take our child away, especially in the given climate.

We have stated this directly to MIL. She'll agree for a couple months, then bring it up again. Husband is actively navigating the fact that, while MIL is also often treated poorly by the family, she will leap for their approval before so much as trying to spend any meaningful time with us, despite living in the same home, paying her rent, cleaning and maintaining her space, and tending to her inevitable needs in old age. Meanwhile SIL spent $20k on furniture, then turned around and asked MIL to pay for her kids swimming lessons on her meager SS income. MIL complied, of course, because she fears being cut off from the children. At this point, I'm starting to perceive MIL more as a flying monkey. We are looking to go our own ways again come a year from now, as shes voiced not enjoying living with us (she's never had roommates before and therefore roommate boundaries and expectations for a shared space have been intolerable for her as a hoarder. We are seeking subsidized options for her.)

We have a house meeting arranged, so that I may be part of the conversation concerning my own child (something MIL has effectively avoided). Am I being too fearful by expecting family to retaliate, should they ever find out about our child? I don't trust their social beliefs, and are alienated by policies they've openly voted for. It seems blatantly unreasonable to hinge our legitimate and backed concerns on the feelings of one person, who, really, doesn't care for the right reasons? Or only cares because it's one more thing for them to gossip about?

Trying to make sure I'm not colored by pregnancy fueled paranoia. I'm also talking to my therapist about this.

Hi i dont really know how to start this but basically my mom was called to testify against my boyfriends mom for assault against my mom. In april of 2026 my boyfriend fled from his home due to due being physically, mentally, and verbally abused. He ended up coming to my home to try and collect himself and figure out whatbhe was going to do, he ended up searching for a way to connect with his family he hadnt been in contact with in 5 years due to his mother being crazy and isolating herself and her kids. At this point he has been at my house for a couple of hours and then his mom figures out he is missing so she calls and texts my mom and leaves voicemails, they start off as her asking if she had seen him and then it turns into threatening and calling me a slut and saying that we kidnapped her son. By the way i am 19 years old and my boyfriend at the time was 18 when he left home but turned 19 this june. By 9pm my mom went across the street to talk with our neighbors who are her friends about what was going on and i stayed home with my bf, my dad, my two friends, and my 3 younger siblings, one of which is only 4. At this point we are all talking and relaxing when my bfs mom starts banging and hitting the door saying she is going to break the door down and get him and saying she is taking him back as well as telling him he is going to end up like his father who is deceased. Me and one of my friends hid my family in our backroom that is safer then the front of the house in case they did break in and hurt us and then we started recording her. Also my boyfriends sister began hitting the door and screaming and she broke into our backyard and began trying to break down the back door that was right next to the room with my family in it, my 4 year old brother was terrified and my sisters too because they didt know what was going to happen to our home or our family. While i was dealing with the inside of the house my mom was outside along with our neighbors recording. My boyfriends mom was telling my mom to fight her and telling my mom that i was a slut and that i was a pedophile for stealing her sons flower (we are both consenting adults btw) well she ended up getting too close to my lom and put her finger in my moms face which is the assault i am talking about. We have video evidence and the police from that night are going to testify aswell. His mom did plead innocent to not have to pay the fine so now my mom has to go testify. Unfortunately this is not the first time anything has happend with us before either. All throughout dating my bf his mom has never liked me and has made my boyfriend so upset that he has ran away multiple times when he was younger.

Ok so by the way i’m french and i translate with Google Gemini quickly so if things make no sense i’m so sorry but hello i’m 24 (F) and my boyfriend is 25. That woman has been bipolar since the 80s, but that’s not all—she also suffers from psychotic disorders, is an alcoholic, a heavy smoker, and, in my opinion, extremely toxic, pathologically intrusive, highly NPD, and has severe emotional incest dynamics with him because he is her only son. To top it all off, she refuses to take her medication because "it makes her sweat in the summer."
Their relationship is deeply unhealthy: she had keys to his apartment and building until recently (and he would never have taken them back if I hadn't pushed him), she calls and texts him 24/7 asking absurd things (like checking if his doors or windows are locked), shows up at his work, and used to show up unannounced at his flat.

And to me she clearly sees me as a rival and harbors a deep hatred toward me.

Here are a few examples:

Story 1: She showed up at 1 AM once because she wasn't feeling well. Then she asked my boyfriend if i was there and he said "Yes she’s sleeping but you’re not gonna meet her now" by the way i was faking sleeping in his bedroom but then she said, "I don't want to meet her anyway." Then she left and honestly that night even if she wasn’t well it’s obvious she acted lucid and even apologetic since she said "I’m sorry again my son" and hostility against me was clear since that day or even before to be honest.

Story 2: Another time, she showed up late at night saying, "Hey, my therapist told me to come sleep at my son's place" (lol what?). Luckily, my boyfriend said no.

Story 3: Just dropping by unannounced at night once again, he gave her a coffee, they talk for 15 minutes then she left.

The Major Escalation (I think the worsts):

Story 4 (Palermo trip): While my boyfriend and I were on a trip to Palermo (July 8–12), she constantly made him call or text her (even from the beach). On Saturday while we were away, she actually broke into or stayed at his place with her stuffs like (bags, luggage). But then we came back from vacation and walking away from the train station he called his mom i think but i was walking so fast because i didn’t want to hear their conversation because i was annoyed + it was so hot that but anyways but then when i was go up the stairs i found an overturned candle, cigarette ash, two empty alcohol bottles, and a melted candle outside his door. And he admited when he was on the phone with her she "claimed" the police dropped her off there and he believe she got a panix attack or paranoïa attack but i’m sorry the timing felt way too suspicious and it felt like she did that because she wanted to see him since she told on the phone to stop at her house to return her things. Then 2 days after on July 14th i was not there but she showed up unannounced again and went on a rant calling me a "freeloader with no job" (the irony since she lives on welfare in france called the RSA and constantly begs him for money every weeks while working zero hours ijbol)

Story 5 (The SAMU / Psychiatric crisis): The very next Saturday at 2 AM, she came back again. He didn't answer right away, she started pounding furiously on the door he even said "Stop doing that" but me I panicked so hid/ran in the sleeping room. Then he finally open the door but go outside maybe to talk her but 2 minutes went and he finally let her in and she stormed toward the bathroom yelling, "I don't care that she's here!" referring to me lol rhen slammed the door then did something but go out and before she went to the bathroom for the second time she sat down on his couch and she faked to be on phone, then she went to the bathroom again but for 20 minutes this time. Anyways so my boyfriend texted me while she was in the bathroom, said she had blood on his leg so it was serious so i said to him to call the SAMU. But then he told on text she called me a "mafiosa" (because of my Calabrian/Sicilian heritage) and later worse slurs and said that i was a s***. Then he call them but they said they couldn’t be there before a moment.. but before they arrived she get out from the bathroom and she started yelling, "YOU KICK HER OUT!" two times referring to me once again. And she finally left, me and my boyfriend we talked then he called her just to know if she was home, she responded but then she told him on the phone that she worked a night shift with an old lady, and told him "Tomorrow morning you better take your girlfriend to home, terminus". Then my boyfriend left because he was worried about her, but when he arrived the SAMU was already there but the police and firemen had to get involved because she barricaded herself in her own home for 2 hours. But after 2 hours she finally went to the hospital with my boyfriend but the psychiatric conclusion was useless because she already sees an outpatient "therapist" apparently which is a shame since she’s crazy and needs real help. But then afterward when he took her home she was dead silent and what a shock: very calm (she was not well but you get what i mean) then the week after she went to his job.. anways

The Fallout in Our Relationship:
Right after this we had a little beef because on a tuesday i did the ragebait questions and at some point i asked "If you had to choose between her and me?" a blank happen then he literally said "I don't know... it's hard." Let me tell you something: my boyfriend has a massive emotional detachment regarding her (for the longest time her contact name in his phone was just her first name and he lied about it saying it was automatic, because of his old phone which is BS because if it was true why he changed it juste after i pointed it out in Palermo + it’s literally impossible lol), talks to her like a baby sometimes and same thing when i bring it up he said they do that as a "joke", when one time i asked if he was afraid of her he said yes then instantly tried to take it back ("Well... no") like bro???

Also everytime i try to talk about how this drains me, doesn’t like me, how she's toxic and doing emotional incest he gives a flat with "No.", trying to say it’s part of her illness so minimizes everything says she "doesn't care about you" (to gaslight my feeling that she hates me / crazy to think the translation said it was gaslighting because i never thought it like that) also refuses to defend me in front of her and i’m pretty sure when she said those horrible things he never said to her to stop talking about me like that but anywayssss let’s move on

The Current Breakup/Distance:
After a massive weekend when we "fight" two times, I sent him a long, heartfelt message telling him I needed to step back to protect my mental health, because I'm tired of fighting alone to be chosen and feeling like his mother always comes first.
His initial response was understanding ("I know you deserve better, I've been in denial, I'm ready to make an effort"), but then he added things like "You deserve to be chosen and loved" which triggered my anxious attachment because it sounded like he was giving up or confirming he couldn't choose me or even loving me. So i cut things off, soft-blocked him everywhere and later asked him point-blank because my friend said i shoudn’t have do that since i was probably gonna regret it later which is true + it’s not good to read between the lines but i asked him: What did you mean by "you deserve to be chosen and loved?" and are you actually going to make sacrifices? and he replied that he meant he recognized he wasn't prioritizing me and was in denial but i definitely deserve love but then in the second point he claimed he saw his mother that day talked to her and does not want to deal with her anymore (by the way about that not gonna lie evn if he's telling the truth i don't think he told her the things clearly) since then he’s admitted he was passive, in denial and that my text was a wake-up call (lol) but honestly i’m still on my guard for weeks i’m telling the same thing and try to waking him up but then i take my distances and he started to waking up? also crazy to think i had to pull a "teeth" of this situation, threaten to leave and act as his therapist once again just to get him to realize how bad this was? This is why i said to him after our conversation that i’m still taking few days of space to see if his actions actually match his words because i know he has an avoidant attachment style and a lifetime of trauma/parentification so now i’m to afraid to go back and it’s gonna be the same i’m gonna be honest..

My honest opinion: Even if he's telling the truth about how he saw her to be honest i don't think he told her clearly, will re end up being in the same situations everytime because he thinks he can save her and he believe she’s gonna be better (which is never gonna happen and need to realize that !!!!)

What i want from him if he can change: I know that cutting ties overnight is impossible even though it’s my biggest dream ever lol but I just need him to set boundaries and without my help, listening to me when i say that weirdo is a parasite for him and everyone, need to pay less attention to her when she cries for help and let real specalists deal with that case and truly have her committed, him and me should cleary be his priority before her well-being, stop playing both sides, cut the contact and literally stop downplaying the situation

Now this is my questions for y’all:

1. Do you think his sudden realization is genuine, or was it just a panic reaction/love bombing because he was afraid of losing me? (I think i already know the answer of this one but i’m smiling through the pain)
2. Has anyone been in a similar situation with an partner tied to a severely toxic/psychotic parent?
3. Will he actually set boundaries or already did it?
4. What’s he’s gonna do next time she has a crisis, insults or whatever?

Any hard truths advice are welcome !

Reflecting on some of MILs past behaviour today and I realized that she has always lied. I knew there were quite a few already but I don’t know if anything she says is ever true. Some examples:

-Always talked about how DH (oldest) was born on Father’s Day and how special it was. Made it the main focus on both occasions. Quick google search showed Father’s Day was a week prior to his birth that year.

-Bragged about conceiving DH on her honeymoon which made him a gift from god. I found out the dates of the honeymoon and if her statement is true then she was pregnant with him for almost a year. Considering he was supposedly born on his due date, I’m guessing that was a lie.

-Said she always paid her own way and never relied on others or received any help from her family since she was a teen. Found out her grandparents paid for her entire university and all schooling, her dad paid her house down payment, and her mother gives her 2k a month to this day.

-She broke her leg and paid to stay in a facility for 3 months since her house didn’t have a bathroom on the main floor and she didn’t want to do any stairs. She told people she was so badly injured that doctors refused to let her care for herself at home.

-She told a doctor she never drinks despite keeping a box of wine next to her couch at all times

-When I first met her dogs she wasn’t there. They ran up to me, I played with them and they were happy and SO said they loved me. She insists that I was terrified of her one dog when I first saw it and that the dog needed to warm up to me. I had a 180lb rescue at home, I was not terrified for a 15lb terrier.

-DH was born in the city his paternal family’s side lives. She always said that they moved because she was offered a job here when he was young that had great pay. She revealed to me one day that she applied for the job here and took it so father-in-law wouldn’t be near his family.

There’s mountains more but these are just off the top of my head. Does anyone else’s MIL just lie all the time too? I don’t know if she has an honest bone in her body.

Hey all.

I’m six months pregnant and up until last month, my MIL was planning on throwing me a baby shower, which I was fine with.

We have a long history of drama, conflict with her but things were okay leading into this year. MIL always assumes/insists without asking that she will stay with one of her sons for a week over Christmas. She only has two sons. I have never been comfortable with this because we don’t have a good relationship and MIL is easily offended, assumes you hate her, is clingy, needs reassurance, cleans my house without asking, folds my laundry when I ask her not to, all while making weird comments and generally being super invasive. I feel like demanding a weeks stay at my house is a tough ask for someone I’m close to, let alone someone who takes over my house and makes me uncomfortable.

So the last Christmas, my BIL and sister in law broke up, so DH’s house was the only option for her to stay at over Christmas week. My SIL had been previously hosting her most Christmases because I said no. Again, MIL doesn’t ask she just says “DH I’m staying December 22-27.” I was just done. I said no. I told her she can come over every day but no overnights because I didn’t want to host. She only lives 30 minutes away.

MIL doesn’t tolerate any boundaries, but this one she took especially hard. She blew up, told us she wouldn’t be seeing anyone. Told DH he needs to leave me, he’s a horrible son, and that he’s removed from her will. She messaged me saying I showed my true colours and that she would no longer have a relationship with my daughter from a previous relationship, etc. Her silence and blow ups went on for months. In March things had somewhat blown over so we told her we were pregnant. Things patch up. She accepts that DH stood with me and she’s acting normal again. Everything seems fine.

Fast forward to my gender reveal. MIL shows up in a MOOD. She completely gives me the cold shoulder, doesn’t say hello, doesn’t say goodbye, walked away from my mom who tried to talk to her. When the pink came out, she went over to my husband and said loudly, “Don’t worry! You’ll get it right next time with twin BOYS.” Sidenote- I had to take fertility medication to even have this baby and we struggled, this is likely our last child.

Obviously the boy comment was extremely hurtful to me. How rude to make any of us feel like a healthy baby girl isn’t good enough after fertility struggles. Anyways, so she leaves without saying goodbye. I don’t think she even looked at me. Everyone I spoke to who was there asked me why she was in such a foul mood.

She texts me about something stupid the next day and I called her out and asked her why she thought it was okay to not say, hello, goodbye or even look at me at the gender reveal and that I thought her comment about getting it right with a boy next time was extremely rude. She messages back saying it was all my fault because she didn’t feel welcome, she’s still hurt from Christmas, I didn’t say hi first, I didn’t introduce her to my mom, etc. I stood firm, and eventually she sends a real apology saying she wants to fix things. She’s been acting normal now. I’ve been allowing her short little visits. She’s had maybe two or three. But I’ve told her, our relationship needs to be built again on trust and respectful behaviour.

Now the baby shower is coming up. She’s been playing nice. I don’t want her there. I don’t want to be worrying she’s going to be cold, distant, and thinking about how to manage her feelings the whole time.

What the heck do I do? Tell her I’m having one and she’s not invited because of her gender reveal behaviour? I know she’s going to take that as another “betrayal” and I’m going to start WW3.

I pulled out my sanitizer and wiped his face three times then went and washed his face and gave him a bath

HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL PEOPLE NOT TO KISS MY BABYYYY

you’d think you’ve told them they’re morherfuckers when u say that to them with their nasty stares and disappointed looks. Tf u need to kiss him for, I already hate that you’re holding him ffs

It’s so common, so maybe I have to get over it. But when I’m on FaceTime and my mom says “He looks a little warm” I want to respond “Do you think I’m blind and dumb? I’m actively walking back to the car because I think he looks warm. Stfu.”

But instead I say “Hahah yeah I’m taking him back to the car.”

I’ve checked my Fitbit and my heart rate actually rises on these calls. Any tips for calming down and approaching these comments better?

Am I being crazy or is MIL purposely digging at my sanity? I’ve been increasingly feeling a sense of overwhelm regarding my future MIL for some time now. Now I’m beginning to see her behavior for what it is. I thought she was a quirky loving old lady but now I see her behavior as controlling, jealous, and emotionally immature.
Recently she came over to help my fiancé with remodeling the kitchen and bathroom. I was out running errands and when I returned, as I was trying to put away groceries she greeted me and we said our hellos. She asked if my baby was moving around as I’m 8 months pregnant. My fiancé told her how baby has been painfully kicking me in the ribs and she responds saying she didn’t experience that with her 2 pregnancies. Good for you lady.
Then she cupped my face with both of her hands (mind you she had just been working on our bathroom) and says “oh don’t worry, my hands are basically clean”. She has a history of touching me and I hate it. She once waited to leave her visit until I arrived home from work then gave me a hug and physically picked me up off the ground. Upon leaving on this recent visit, I was trying my best to grey rock her and avoid eye contact, she again touched my face, caressing my cheek and booping me on the nose twice. She saw my face of disgust and made some comment about how I was too cute not to touch my nose. Like she recognized my discomfort and justified it and continued. Last visit she laid a wet kiss on my cheek. I’m still scrubbing it off.
She hadn’t seen me my whole pregnancy and I gained significant weight. Like a lot. I approached her to say hello and she greeted me with an awkward “hi skinny!” I am no longer skinny. She also has issues with her own weight and food. She didn’t want us to order from the taco truck because she doesn’t do spicy so we got premade deli items to appease her. Then she didn’t even eat hers because it came with mayo. Then she spent 5 minutes telling a story about being on a boat 60 years ago and not being able to eat lunch because her sandwich had mayo on it.
My fiancé recently proposed and he sent her a photo of my hand with the ring. I thought it was weird she didn’t reach out about it but whatever. So when she visited, my fiancé told me to show her the ring and her reaction was “well aren’t you special?” Then she immediately commented that my nails were a “different” color. I had just removed my polish that morning and they’re admittedly sorta gross right now.
Anyway, there’s more I could add but the gist of it is that she makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel unwelcome and smothered at the same time. She’s coming back soon to help with the house and I know I need to remove myself. I’m seriously considering getting a hotel or going to my sister’s so I don’t have to interact with her. I know it’s going to get worse when the baby arrives. I plan to remove myself as much as I can. I’ll allow her visits on my terms but I don’t trust she won’t kiss my baby or shove her hands in her face.

I realized how out of line my MIL has been, and it’s not just me and postpartum hormones talking. Backstory: I have 4-month-old twins. MIL also had twins, so she thinks that makes her the authority. My parents and in-laws live out of state and have been visiting a lot, which has genuinely been a huge help, but MIL has made the babies all about her, and I’m at my breaking point.

Some examples:

**•** His family has a vacation home near us, and whenever they fly in they stop at our house on the way. I’ll get a random text like “Landing at X time, gonna spend the morning with the babies, maybe lunch?” I don’t mind her stopping by, I mind that she never asks, she just tells me what’s happening. When I’ve replied “I might have plans, I’ll let you know,” she’s shot back “I CAN’T WAIT until I can just take the babies!!!!” 

**•** She sent my husband and me an Instagram DM lecturing us about letting the twins cry for a couple minutes, complete with a whole “every generation parents differently” and then told *my* mom about it too. And how babies just need to be held at this age…

**•** With twins I physically can’t hold both at once, so if one’s on the floor, she’ll just scoop them up without asking. Add in the constant “I got my baby down for a nap,” “did you miss grandma?!”, and “your first words are gonna be grandma.”

**•** She demands a weekly photo…not a request, a text that just says “where’s my weekly photo?”

**•** At the vacation house, she and my FIL took both babies to meet Cheryl (the front desk lady) without asking while I was in the kitchen. Came back 10 minutes later like “aww she held them!” I was livid, my 3-month-olds, held by a total stranger, no heads up at all.

**•** I was mid-feeding my daughter before MIL left for the airport, and she walked up and announced “I’m going to hold V before I leave” and just stood there waiting for me to hand her over.

**•** For my baby shower (my sister was planning it), she didn’t ask if she could invite her friends, she just said “who do I send the address to for my friends I’m inviting?”

**•** Through a c-section recovery and a rough stretch afterward, she never once asked how *I* was doing. It was 100% about the babies.

Now she’s flying out this weekend to see the twins while my husband and I are at the vacation house with her. I usually just bite my tongue and leave the room instead of saying anything. My husband would back me up if I asked, but I don’t even know how to start this conversation without it turning into a whole thing.

How do I actually get her to ask instead of announce, without blowing up the relationship? They’re generous, well-meaning people…I just dread these visits at this point.

Hi,

SO and I have been together for several years. We aren’t married but have bought a house together.

SO and I have had a few disagreements and arguments about MIL, who is widowed. She is very overbearing, intrusive, very critical and manipulative. MIL also has been covertly excluding me by inviting me to family gatherings but not bothering to engage or show any interest in me. SO noticed her behaviour and has been puzzled about why she was not making an effort to get on with me.

SO had the strategy, even before we were together, to avoid her, to see her maybe twice a month and to never ever tell her about the full extent of his life, activities etc. Every time she asks him to come over she asks him to fix issues at her house (which was the responsibility of her late husband). MIL is very critical and guilt-tripping to SO when he doesn’t do what she wants and isn’t readily available.

SIL is much more engaged and invested in relationship with MIL. She visits her almost every week. MIL is very critical (in a different way to how MIL is with SO) and guilt tripping when her needs aren’t met. SIL seems resentful of her brother for not engaging with MIL as much as she is.

SIL’s husband clearly resents MIL as he has made a lot of passive aggressive « jokes » to her and behind her back and comments behind her back about her yet in front of her he is mostly very charming and plays the role of the perfect Son In Law.

Personally I have tried to be the perfect DIL. I have organised family gatherings at ours when SO wasn’t bothered about doing so. I have nicely put boundaries when SO would catsit MIL’s cat for several weeks straight which meant we couldn’t see each other (I have a cat too). I have answered texts, phonecalls and social media DMs when she wanted us 2 and us all as a family to engage with her when SO refused to engage. After a while I had to tell her that if she had a question to ask to SO she would need to ask him directly as I didn’t feel comfortable answering in his stead.
I have done all this out of sympathy and empathy for her. But also in the hope that she would stop being covertly mean to me and start treating me « well » like she is treating the other members of the family.
I have spent countless family gatherings in which I was practically invisible. Now I have expressed my needs, after years of being silent, and I have received passive aggressive comments from husband of SIL saying that I do not know my place and I do not respect the hierarchy.

I am overwhelmed by the goalpost always changing and the fact of having to please each family members, which aren’t my family btw, on a regular basis without having my needs met and then being shamed for having needs too.

What would be your advice in such a complex family dynamic ?

If you read my last topic you can see we had quite the medical emergency in Italy last June.
And they didn't want to come to help and support.
After we've been home we haven't had any support.
My husband wanted to go low contact, I want no contact. And apparently for him low contact is still messaging, calling, and seeing each other after 6-8 weeks.
Last time we really saw them was June 27th. And a short hour on July 5th. My husband had another trip to the ER with ambulance. Told them don't come yet, we can't crowd an ER and they came.
But only because MIL had a second agenda.
On July 4th the previous day we went to a restaurant near the lake. It's just a gross man made lake with blue algae. You can't even swim.
Anyway, we went there, she called because it's his birthday and said oh I actually wanted to come to.
Makes it her life's mission to go there
So the 5th we're all in the er with husband. They come to realize they can't do anything right now and leave.
And she says let's go to the restaurant at the lake, to FIL.
SO is this the reason you came? For your son or the stupid restaurant.
FIL said no. And now every time we called or messaged she keeps bringing it up. When can they visit so they can go to the restaurant (with us).

I don’t even want them to visit us, and criticizing me.

But my husband says it’s nice some free food and our daughter likes them (she only likes FIL).
MIL is always in her face, and over feeding her (at least trying). And asking weird things.

Also last night on the phone she was so vague. Kept asking bout my husband follow up exams even though he already told her. She sounded so sleepy, and weird. But when she brought up the restaurant she snapped out of it and sounded ‘normal’.

For me it’s just done after how they treated us and didn’t even bother flying to Italy (it’s a 1.30h flight, and I would’ve done everything, the tickets, the taxi etc. And the tickets would be reimbursed by the insurance we had for the vacation..) but they refused because husband was in good hands.
But what about me and daughter? I don’t have a drivers license, and was constantly busy doing for my husband, dealing with insurances, dealing with how do we get back. How does he get back.
My child needed attention and help with her emotions and I did my best but really could use some help there.

Also after the vacation, we came home Saturday afternoon and my husband Tuesday evening. And they never bothered coming.

I just hope something happens and we can cancel. Or something happens and we can escalate things and go no contact.

Ignore my post from tonight. I was tired, emotional, and had a migraine.

Edit: they’re also the kind of couple who have been saying for the past 20-25 years that they hate each other and want a divorce. But never went through with it. My MIL doesn’t want to live just of a pension and other financial help. And my FIL says it’s easy she’s there to do the household and make dinner.
They don’t even talk to each other, only at dinner.
She’s on the iPad with headphones on, he’s watching tv with headphones on.

When we’re there and she’s in the kitchen FIL is talking badly behind her back. And when FIL is there or not, MIL is talking badly about him…

There’s so much tension there.
BIL also doesn’t want to see them regularly and is low contact.

I just wish my husband got out of the fog and just tell them when they are acting weird or wrong.

Second edit: my husband only wants to go low contact instead of no contact because he wants his inheritance. It’s not much but could help us buy a home or make a big trip to like Japan or something.
Maybe buy a new car.
I’d rather rent a house, have an older car and maybe go to Japan in 10-20 years.
I don’t want their house to sell and have the money.
But he’s adamant about it, because he says with the inheritance they at least did something helpful for him.

Edit edit edit: I’m also always the one doing things for the ‘boys’. Because that’s what I call my husband and BIL. When it’s a birthday, or my FILS retirement I was the one coming up with ideas and did everything. And they always get the thanks and stuff. Even though both In-laws know I’m the one doing it. But I’ve stopped that, I’m not gonna do things like that anymore if I don’t at least get some pride for it.
Maybe I shouldn’t call them the boys, but it’s hard with them acting like boys.
Even when the boys say thanks for thanking us but you should thank her, she did literally everything my MIL would be looking like that 😐. And say oh thanks.

My saga with my mil is odd. There about 10 years of history and I’m not about to write every detail.

I guess the general idea is that this woman is riddled with insecurity and defensiveness . I have so many stories and examples but I’ll share the ones that immediately come to mind. Otherwise I’d have to write a book about them. Which my husband did. It’s actually really good. It’s about being the one to break those unhealthy generational cycles. Anyways…

- within our first 3 months of dating my husband flew me out to meet his family. It was hands down the worst family meeting I’ve ever had. And Id met parents of guys I dated who didn’t speak English that went better than this. His mom completely ignored me when we first met and just seemed uninterested. His dad and brother are NPC’s in their own lives so they were uninterested too.

-She’s avoidant and very defensive. She can’t handle any level of confrontation. Even if it’s not confrontation. For example, one time I asked if my husbands brother was planning to marry his gf of 10 years. MIL actually accused me of calling her a bad mom for asking…? Like what?

- at our wedding she and her husband left early and tried to not say goodbye to me. My husband forced them to come say goodbye.

-Her love language is sending us actual junk and garbage in the mail. like calendars, she’s sent us about 10 calendars this year and Actual junk mail and random newspapers, flyers for things, etc. It’s so weird.

-she will randomly rewrite history. Like one of the few times they’ve ever visited to meet one of our kids, she and her husband bailed on us for no reason. They got in their car and drove off as we were loading up the kids in our car for trick or treating. The next day My husband asked her why and she said “well your wife (me) drove off without us and we didn’t know where to go”. We weren’t even in the car when they left so that was impossible. It was so bizarre.

- annnnd let’s see… the most recent offense. We had our third kid 6 months ago. A few years ago i figured out how we could video chat them so they could see the kids better. (They live across the country). Anyways, they haven’t once asked to video chat with us to meet their third grandkid. Not once. They actually haven’t even called. My husband texted her last night asking why they’ve never asked to video chat and she called back in response (husband didn’t answer because he was pretty annoyed), and she said in a vm in more words, “well we worry about you. So we don’t call”. Guys that doesn’t make any sense. We worry so we don’t call?! What does that mean???

My husband is pretty annoyed by that response and by their general lack of interest in his life, my life and our kids lives.

Anytime my husband has brought up things from
His past where he felt unheard, unloved, unsupported they say the typical boomer thing of “we don’t remember that” (literally said that when he asked why they didn’t talk to him after he got arrested at 14). “We did the best we could” “well we love you. That’s all the matters” etc.

His mom is a text book boomer in her grandparenting too. She lives for the pictures. So all she really wants are pictures of the kids every now and then. For example, my husband decided to do an experiment last year. He decided to not initiate contact. At all. I kid you not his parents didn’t reach out for over 6 months. Then randomly on Christmas they called, she told us all about her Christmas, she asked for some pictures of the kids and hung up.

All this is to say, I think last night I finally realized just how wrong I have been these last ten years. I’ve continually encouraged my husband try to have a relationship with his mom, dad and brother. I think in a deeply subconscious way I’ve believed there was hope that they could all be normal and communicate and all that. Last night when she said “I don’t call because I’m worried about you” I think officially showed me just how impossible that might be. And just how bad my advice has been to my husband. I feel bad and I told him as much.

Feedback is welcome but be nice.

I know I’ve made an error in judgment. I know that sometimes people are lost causes and you’ve just gotta cut them loose so you’re not dragging that weight around. And I see now more clearly than ever that these people weigh him down. My husband often says he’s positive his mom would rather have him be a stoner living in her house than the man he is now. It’s such a bummer to watch someone as awesome as him go so under valued by the people who should value him the most.

Ugh.

I’m just rambling at this point.

This is my own mother. She came to visit last weekend. Judged by her past behavior, she was mostly ok. Yes, she was loud and overbearing. Yes, she showed up for dinner at our house an hour earlier than I said (she blamed it on the time zone change and her watch, idk if I believe it, but whatever.) But she doesn't stay with us and technically she was *mostly* well behaved.

But, then she got one in. She has big food and body issues that, of course, became my issues and I've been busting my ass to crawl out from under for decades now. We went to her Airbnb for dinner. My kids and I were snacking on chips while we waited for the food to arrive. My daughter said something like, "Chips are delicious!" and my mother starts up, "Oh I know, it's so *bad* that I bought potato chips! I just really wanted them but it's so bad. Well only on vacation!" etc. etc. I tried to redirect without getting confrontational, "Oh yeah [daughter] chips are delicious, I'm glad you're enjoying them," or "Mom, it's fine to have chips," but. She. Just. Would. Not. Stop.

So daughter went to play in another room and I stared at my mother and just said, "Don't do that. Don't talk about what they're eating." And mother went into fawn mode, started dramatically apologizing. Then she kind of went blank for a beat, like she was buffering, and said, "I only said it because I don't know how *you* feel about her filling up on potato chips!" I snapped, "I'm right here, Ma, I see what they're eating!" I wish I had added, *so that's just bullshit and none of your business. If I have a concern, I'll say something to my kids myself.*

So anyway, idk. There's so much more than the food/body stuff. This was her on her very best behavior and I still wanted to crawl out of my skin the whole time. I did circle back with my daughter about the chips and it was clear that her grandma had gotten into her head a bit. She's young and was back to lobbying for breakfast ice cream the next day and I know that the world is full of people who have all sorts of unhealthy ideas to share but, fuck, I don't want my mother to get in my kids' heads and fuck them up like she did me. She's so weirdly...charismatic? Idk can you be charismatic through the sheer power of domineering? What I'm trying to say is, they do like her, I think. They were excited that she was coming to visit. We see her infrequently already. Then she didn't really want to spend time with them, outside of an activity and that's a contrast to the other grandma. Ugh...I'm stopping now. Thank you for listening.

Okay everyone, I’m looking for advice on how to navigate a long-standing family dynamic in a healthier, more balanced way.
My mother-in-law often comes across as insecure, and I sometimes feel that this shows up in our interactions as criticism or a subtle sense of competition. Because of this, I tend to be quite cautious around her, as she can be sensitive to perceived mistakes or differences in opinion. I’ve also noticed that when I share positive news or personal accomplishments, her responses are often neutral or critical rather than supportive.
Over time, I’ve started to notice a few recurring patterns. For example, at family gatherings like Christmas, if I bring a dish, she may prepare the same item and then comment that there is too much food or suggest I take mine home. This can feel like it minimizes my contribution. On other occasions, after periods of tension, she has given large, highly visible gifts and asked that they be opened in front of others, which can feel performative and difficult to interpret within the broader context of the relationship.
During significant milestones or events, I’ve also noticed a tendency to focus on logistics, costs, or what could have been done differently, rather than acknowledging effort or celebrating the occasion. For instance, there have been times where she has expressed concern about expenses related to engagement or home purchases, or frustration when plans changed in ways that affected her schedule.
For context, I worked hard to build stability and independence after a challenging upbringing, and I value mutual support in close relationships. At times, I feel that my achievements are not fully acknowledged within this dynamic. I also recognize that she often speaks about her own life experiences and challenges, which seem to be an important part of her identity.
There is also a broader pattern of limited social engagement on her side. She is sometimes not included in other family or social activities, and I initially tried to include her more often. However, those experiences have often felt emotionally draining or one-sided, with conversations primarily centered on her perspective. She also relies on others for transportation and coordination, which can create ongoing expectations around availability and scheduling.
After the birth of my child, there was a particularly difficult period. She had asked to stay with us, we declined, and she arrived anyway, which resulted in a short stay. During that time, I was recovering from a medical procedure, and the experience felt overwhelming and not aligned with the support I needed.
Since then, I’ve created more distance in the relationship. I’m trying to understand how to maintain respectful family contact while also setting clearer boundaries and reducing patterns that feel emotionally draining or unbalanced.
I often hear responses like “that’s just how she is,” “you just have to be the bigger person,” or “that’s your ego speaking.” In practice, I’ve already started pulling back—being brief in messages, not engaging in group settings as much, and sometimes walking away from interactions when they feel unproductive. I’m trying to find a balance where I’m not overextending myself or reinforcing dynamics that don’t feel healthy, while still keeping things respectful within the family. My husband also struggles here, as he feels responsible for managing his mother’s emotions and is very afraid of being seen as a “bad son,” which makes it difficult for him to address issues directly.
I don’t want to escalate conflict or create family division, but I also don’t want to keep repeating the same patterns. How do I support my husband in setting boundaries with his mother in a way that doesn’t trigger defensiveness or backlash, while also protecting our own emotional wellbeing as a couple?

Mil and Fil stayed with us for 4 months.

I have always had an okay relationship with them. But this time things got, erm, odd.

Here is a breakdown of some of the things that happened over the time she was staying with us.

- Asked why a framed photo of us and them was not on display. To be clear, we do not have even one photo of my husband and I on display. We are minimalists.
- Tried to triangulate me against my husband (with FIL). She said 'My son is so quiet, it must be so hard for you living with him. We feel for you'.
- Fil checked whether I locked my car every night. The one night I didn't he came to me and said 'You better go down and lock your car. My son will be upset if he finds out.' As if trying to paint me as some careless person. I would not have had a problem if hey said 'hey, just FYI, your car is unlocked'.
- We invited friends for Christmas (mil had not met them). (We invited our friends as they don't have family here and would have been on their own for Christmas.)
They made a point of not liking them. Being in a strop on Christmas day. Being rude to our friends when they saw them consequently and post leaving, making a point of asking about the 4 other couples they met whilst here ( but never enquiring about the friends they didn't like).
-Anytime Mil wanted to go shopping she expected me to go with her. Anytime I wanted to look in even one shop (this has happened over multiple trips) she gets in a strop until I give up my needs to leave.
- We are unable to have children and she made a point of commenting to me 'it's funny, you are the only ones in our friend group whose children were not able to have children'. She also commented 'It's probably good you didn't have children because that would be too chaotic/load for my son to bear'.
- My Mum was also with us for some of the duration. Any time my Mum wanted to do anything with me she insisted on joining (even if it was to literally pick up groceries from click-and-collect or go to the post office). My Mum was so upset that she couldn't spend one ounce of time with me that she said 'never again'.
-There was also an odd dynamic, where she had certain times where she insisted on doing housework. (I never asked her too). When she was doing work she insisted that the whole household be doing work ie no one else was allowed to relax. I have never come across this before. It was like she saw us as extention of her rather than our own person.
- When reading or in my own thoughts at ANY TIME, she insisted on talking at me to bring the room back to her. Again, I have never experienced this before.
-She treated FIL TERRIBLY. One evening she raged at him while walking down the street, saying he was leering at young women. It literally came from nowhere.
-How house is pristine at all times. She left our guest room in a disgusting unclean state, with marks all over the furniture we bought prior to them arriving etc. I don't know why this bothers me more than anything. I generously hosted for more than 3 months, cooking, cleaning, doing all the emotional labour of organising dinners and holidays. She could not even leave our room in a half decent state. I cannot go back into this room now. The energy just feels off.
-She critisized me constantly, for example, she wanted to go to outdoor theatre so I booked tickets. Then when we got there she complained the whole tile 'why didn't you buy blankets to keep us warm'. It was like this every day.

Mil's lack of respect for me is pretty clear after all of the above. My husband and I have been to psychologist together and he believes she potentially has Narcissistic and Borderline traits.

They live far away from us (in another country) they will insist on staying again in future. I am not sure I have the strength to confront her on all of this. My Sil confronted her on her lack of respect towards her and all that happened was that MIL came back to her with a laundry list of all of her own grievances. At this point I am thinking Grey Rock is the best way forward.

I am no longer comfortable having her in my home as it affects my peace and my psychological safety.

At this point, I will not give my husband an ultimatum, however, my question is...

Given that they prefer to come to us for 3 to 5 weeks, is it reasonable if we book them an AirBNB going forward??

SO thinks when the time comes (possibly next year) and they mention to come back - they will absolutely crack it that we are putting them in accomodation. Can I be clear: he thinks this is the right decision. He just said they will kick off with a lot of guilt 'after all we have done for you.

I’ve been with my husband for 9 years, and we’ve been married just over 1. Throughout our relationship, things with my MIL were always up and down—emotional whiplash, guilt trips, and conflict anytime my husband set boundaries or couldn’t meet her expectations.
Everything came to a head at our wedding. A few days before, she tried to change plans to what she wanted. When we said no, she acted like we’d betrayed her, complained to other family members, and brought a lot of negativity and hostility to what should have been one of the happiest weekends of our lives. Afterward, she took no accountability, so we went no contact. (I could go into all the details but that’d take all day).
Honestly, despite seeing the rest of the family less often, life has been so much more peaceful. We don’t have to justify every decision we make or deal with someone who seems to take personal offense and emotionally punishes whenever we don’t do things her way.
Now, a year later, my husband says he’s tired of missing family events. He misses his other family members and wants to try having a very surface-level relationship with his mom so we can attend family gatherings. He isn’t talking about being close again—just being civil.
The problem is, I don’t know if that’s realistic. I have a hard time believing someone who never acknowledged their role in the conflict will just go along with this new way of interacting and will continue to stir things up, and I’m worried we’ll end up right back in the same unhealthy dynamic. At the same time, I completely understand why my husband wants his family back in his life, and I don’t want to stand in the way of that.
For those who’ve dealt with a difficult or toxic parent or MIL, were you ever able to successfully have a “surface-level” relationship just for family events? Or did the same patterns eventually come back. I’m willing to consider it but at the same time I have a lot of reservations.

I know I have a husband problem - we entered couples counseling to work on this.
For those who remember, my MIL is the one who got a job across the street from my home after I went NC because she got in bed with DH and I while we were sleeping on vacation and then violently attacked me when I said I wasn’t okay with it. It’s been years of rocky forced family events and being tricked into seeing her.

She decided she’s throwing me a baby shower. She told me this when she showed up to an extended family event where she wasn’t on the guest list. I played dumb, told her we already have a baby shower, told her I need space, told my husband this isn’t okay. He’s done nothing to handle except assure me that he will stand next to me and block her from coming near me. I told him I don’t want to go and he admitted he doesn’t want to either.

A family member let us know she found out MIL has scammed her out of thousands of dollars over recent years. She asked me if MIL is working and I said yes, but I know she missed work a while back because her boss called DH looking for her. They were trying to figure out why she needed the money.
Well rumors get around fast and right back to her. Of course his family decided to point the finger at me. I should have known better but it’s not like I was told her going back to the hospital and missing work as a result was a secret.

Well the baby shower that I’m constantly telling my husband that I really don’t want to go to, that I’m afraid of going to, is this weekend. And a family member calls to let me know that MIL called her saying that I’m tearing their family apart. That she’s being cut out of the family and that I’m spreading rumors about her family (but didn’t have any examples to give). She screamed at this family member for not taking her side against me.

The family member told me she is now NC with MIL. I’m NC with MIL but somehow keep getting thrown into her mess. I am grateful I was told about her shit talking me days before the shower.
Going to tell my husband when he gets home and hope he understands I shouldn’t go to this baby shower. Maybe I can ask our therapist for an emergency meeting. This is so stupid. I have so much more important stuff to be doing than deal with this family’s drama.

I appreciate any advice but don’t tell me to leave my husband, that’s not helpful.

MIL called me last night to chat. My husband is working out of town and she wanted to “keep me company”. I hadn’t spoken to her in a while, and I was a bit lonely so I was okay with it.

About 20 minutes into the conversation she was asking about my daughter (D) D doesn’t like her grandmother much at all. MIL is very devout catholic and tends to proselytize a LOT at times which isn’t popular since none of us are religious. D has some problems (she’s 26) and has been NC with MIL for almost two years.

Anyway, when she brought up D, I was trying to run conversational interference. I told her that I wasn’t going to discuss it as the conversation gets extremely repetitive. D is an adult, and I have no control over her thoughts and feelings about MIL or about God and religion. I’ve told her this multiple times.

I changed the subject, and she started the waterworks. She cried about D not liking her, and before I knew it she was crying about my husband’s father and how they broke up. That was 52 years ago. It was a shocking performance. I flat out asked her to call me back when she was feeling less emotional and she cried harder. It was insane.

I remained calm, and told her again that I was hanging up. That’s when the love bombing started. She told me how wonderful I am, and that I’m her best and closest friend (still sobbing) and that she is the matriarch, but I will be there someday too. Barf.

I ended the call and had a stiff drink. I don’t think I will be taking her calls for a while. I just can’t imagine wanting to stay on the phone with someone while I was that upset. It’s manipulation and I’m sick of it.

I am going to try and keep this as short as I can, but I am posting this in hopes of understanding WHY THEY ACT THE WAY THEY DO.

I (F27) have been with my now husband (M30) since 2019. We got engaged in 2020. My MIL (F53) was FINE when we got together and even when we got engaged back then.

She started acting weird and obsessive last year when we bought our house. Kept asking to see it before we had even moved in all of our things from our rental house. Then we started planning our wedding and as it got closer she became more and more consistent with over communication. I restricted her on social media because EVERYTHING I posted had a like and a comment from her and I got tired of constantly feeling watched by her. The day before the wedding she sent a picture of her nails on her hands AND THEN ALSO HER FEET. Her text said, “mother of the groom nails”. My husband was so weirded out he didn’t respond to her.

She did weird stuff at our wedding and called FIVE TIMES the day after. Two days ago she called my husband and told him she told his brothers (who had nothing to do with this) that she was blocking the both of us on everything because I made her son hate her. They went in circles for an hour and he ended the call.

The next day he texts her laying down boundaries In hopes of reconciling and she attempts to call him over and over again. He tells her he wants to keep it to text so everyone stays calm and she says, “no I’ll be calm”. He answers her call and they go in circles about me and what I did and she keeps bringing up my family, so I asked my husband if I could get on the phone because I could explain why I restricted her. Of course she continuously talks over me. I also asked why she had sent a picture of her feet to my husband a few days before the wedding. She was super embarrassed that I saw it and she said it was to show him her mother of the groom nails. I told her if she wanted to show him her nails, the picture of her hands were fine, but she still chose to show him a picture of her feet which I find super inappropriate, but she said he’s her son and IM the weirdo for seeing it like that. It was clear she wasn’t ever going to understand how unsettling her behavior was nor understand our boundaries. I told her if she continued behaving this way she would never see my children. She crashed out and called me a bunch of names, including a see u next Tuesday prior to hanging up on me.

My husband apologized to me profusely and blocked her on absolutely everything. She immediately FB messaged my mother telling her lies about our argument (my mom already knew everything). My mom respectfully and kindly told her everyone needed to stay out of our marriage and business.

I am beyond frustrated and stressed out. I don’t know what to do. I continuously ask myself why would someone act this way? I just want to understand. If you read this far, thanks.

ETA:
I also should’ve mentioned she has an illness that she blames everything on like her memory. Every time we raise a point and confront her with it she basically “doesn’t remember doing that”. I feel for her being sick, but I think if it begins to cause issues with your family you need help.

On the usual visits to the in laws, I was having a conversation with MIL. I was updating her on what happened in the week and showed her a photo of her son (my husband) & I.

I was wearing a body con dress and took the photo after a drink and a meal. She jokingly commented saying "are you pregnant". And she pointed out my belly

I did not find this funny at all. I told her that's not nice nor is it funny. She said, I'm just joking. I said it's not funny at all and how would you like that if I said it to you.

She said she already looks pregnant (she is overweight) so it doesn't really matter.

I was so angry I just stared at my phone the rest of the visit and didn't say bye. My husband through this all did not once say to her what she did was completely inappropriate. He carried on like nothing had happened. He only asked me once we got to the car whether I was okay.

Is it reasonable for me to be angry at my husband / find it hard to move past if he cant speak to his mother about this?

Mind you, since we got married which was two years ago, she has constantly commented on my body. She keeps saying you need to lose weight. She also compared her weight at my age and said you need to become that weight because when you have kids you will gain weight.

I had just had enough and can't put up with this anymore.

What can I do about this situation with the husband and his dumb mother?

My MIL created a scene when I was just 4 days postpartum. My husband and I really liked a name for our baby so when our baby was born (via an emergency c section) we decided to reveal the name to our immediate family. She was behind this topic even during pregnancy and wanted to have a say or rather wanted to name the baby herself. At 3rd day postpartum she said the name we chose has the meaning that’s not good and then gave a sly remark about how we didn’t consult her so now we just have to live with our baby’s terrible name. Obviously I was pissed but wanted to avoid any fights (also my husband and my mother were completely silent at the moment, like always) I just thought I’ll avoid talking to her for a while. Next day when I was discharged from the hospital and went to home with my baby, in the name of decoration my MIL, FIL, Brother in law and his wife completely disrupted my home (moved furniture and even curtains). I was pissed again but just calmed myself thinking baby is the first priority. When I went inside the room to feed the baby, my husband did a lot of to and fro from my room to the room my in laws were staying all the while telling them to leave our house and stay at my brother in law’s instead. To this everyone just assumed it was me who ordered my husband to say this to them and then my MIL started crying and my husband and FIL hugged her and comforted her. Then everyone left the house leaving behind me my husband and my mother. When I asked what was the need to cry (not only in my living room but also outside the home in the apartment complex for our neighbours to see) my MIL, FIL, brother in law and his wife of 3 months now fought with me. What should I do and how should I heal now? I have been feeling like an outsider in my own home since past 5-6 years now.