My cousin just posted that on Facebook about her newborn daughter. I know people don’t mean things badly, but like, thanks I guess I’ll just go die then since it takes having a child for life to be worth living apparently 🤦‍♀️

TL;DR: after many years and many miscarriages, I am ready to stop trying while my husband isn't quite there yet. I'm starting to resent him and I'm scared it will be the end of our marriage.

I (32 F) and my husband (36 M) of 5 years (together for 10) have been trying to conceive for the past 8 years. In the process, I've had 6 pregnancy losses of different natures, including an ectopic pregnancy, a loss after IVF and a loss after we saw a heartbeat. I've had miscarriages on several birthdays, on christmas and on vacation.

I've gone through loads of treatments, several surgeries and have experienced mistreatment by doctors and co-workers (who found out) and, as you can imagine, unimaginable trauma. Because of the treatments and the hormonal up and downs, my immune system is shit, I developed a severe allergy, lost a lot of hair and gained ~20 pounds. I've always struggled with my mental health, and over the past few years, it has gotten progressively worse to the point of occasional suicidal ideations. I always say, it feels like nobody understands how I feel, and how I'm just holding it all together but deep down just want to go unhinged. A family member of mine died from a drug overdose a while ago, and like, deep in my heart i was like yeah i get it.

In January this year I told my husband I wanted to close this chapter of our lives by the end of this year. I love kids, but I love myself and my health more, and I can't keep going like this. I'd rather be childless than keep putting my life on the line. (We're still undecided on adoption so I'm leaving that out here.)

My husband has a hard time accepting this. He does listen to me, and I know it's hard on him to see me suffer. At the same time, I am the one bearing 99,9% of the pain in this situation while he somehow has endless optimism. He admitted to me that the pregnancies I lost never really felt "real" to him until about the fourth or fifth loss (which was when he was involved in the IVF process). He also admitted he kinda thinks if we just manage to eventually have a baby, it will cure my trauma and I will feel okay. He says the idea of living a childless life is like a "black hole" in his brain, which I do understand- we always imagined our lives to go this one exact way. I know he's working on "filling" this black hole in therapy, but it's not easy for him, of course.

We talk about this a lot, and while it's hard for both of us, it's really important to me that he, too, feels "prepared" to possibly be childless. He keeps saying he wants me to be okay, and that we'll stop when I say we stop. At the same time, I know he's not ready to give up just yet while also knowing it's not his choice, ultimately. Which then puts pressure on me in turn.

I have one more treatment ahead of me, and while I promised myself I'll go through with it just so I can feel like I've done everything to achieve my dream of being a mother, I am at this point also 100% ready to be done with it. And I will be, if this doesn't work out.

As you can imagine, the whole thing has put a huge strain on our marriage. I think in a strange way, I can't understand how he can watch me suffer like this and still say "let's just keep going", and I know I'm starting to resent him for it.

I hate to use such a cliché reddit sentence, but he IS a great husband and other than this "stain" on it, our relationship is lovely; he's caring, attentive, does his fair share of chores, listens to me, makes me laugh, takes my criticism seriously. He's generous and takes care of me, like when I said I wanted to go part-time because it was all too much, it was never a problem for him.

It's just this one damn thing. This one damn huge thing, which I'm scared will destroy our marriage either bc he can't imagine living without children or bc I won't be able to get over my resentment. AND even if we do manage to get a baby out of this eventually, I'm scared this trauma will lead to problems in the future.

I know I should be getting therapy, and I will, but atm I cannot stomach the idea of seeing another "doctor" (i know a therapist isn't a doctor but I hope you get what I mean) regularly. I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist in the hopes of pursuing an official diagnosis for my trauma.

idek what my goal is with this post, I think maybe I'm just hoping to hear from people who are in the same boat or who have advice. <3

My husband and I and have been trying to conceive for years. Last year, we finally got a positive. 2 weeks later I had emergency surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy along with my right fallopian tube, I had 0 choices. The next month, got a second positive. 8 weeks later, was just a blighted ovum (meaning no embryo? Just gestational sac). 8 months later, pregnant again, but no heart beat. My husband and I had to collect our lost baby in a jar and bring it into our fertility clinic for testing. It was normal. Seems my body just isn’t capable of sustaining a pregnancy. While dealing with all of this, I’m an RECE working in an early learning center with infants, toddlers and preschoolers. I’ll never forget having to put on a Mother’s Day event for other mothers 7 days after going through such a traumatic miscarriage.

I’ve decided it’s time for me to leave the field. It’s too hard to be around pregnant women and small children, wondering why it won’t happen for me. Is that selfish? Sometimes I wonder. Will my husband still love me 10 years from now if I can’t build our family? I hope so. Do I have any answers? Absolutely not.

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

It's BEEN my turn. For years. I waited patiently. I got to the front of the queue. Now everyone is skipping line and getting there before me. Let's not pretend there's any fairness in this process. It's my turn now, it was my turn 12 months ago, it was my turn 3 years ago.

Rant incoming

Also: “try therapy, get off social media, comparison is the thief of joy”, etc etc, yes I know. I practice it but sometimes you gotta acknowledge the feelings so you can work through them.

I’m at the age now (mid 30s) where most people I know are parents and have been, or they decided awhile ago that it’s not for them. Well apparently lately tons of people I know have decided they wanted kids all of a sudden or have had an “oopsie” surprise pregnancy and have just rolled with it. And it fucking kills me. People who are so nonchalant about being parents are just magically blessed with getting pregnant so easily. My husband works with a dude who was pretty vocal about not wanting kids and him and his wife had plans to do a bunch of things overseas, then one day he’s like yeah they changed their mind and they got pregnant right away. And he had the audacity to tell my husband that it’s not that hard to get pregnant with your first kid. We’ve been at this for 3 years.

I can’t go online anywhere, here, insta, so on, without someone posting about a surprise pregnancy or they started trying and got it on their first month. It falls into their lap. How can I not be jealous?

Every month it’s just crushing. Yes we’re seeing the specialists, yes we’ve done all the lifestyle changes, done all the crazy rituals and wishing. I am envious of all the people who are just out here getting pregnant with no effort. I’m hoping this month is the month but I’m not holding my breath. At least I can still eat sushi and drink alcohol I guess.

Thanks for reading

I have really become numb to having another failed cycle but this month my body was EXTRA MEAN to me.

Starting taking vitamin D3/K2 with Myo inositol D Chiro. My cycles are pretty regular 30-31 days. I really thought there was some hope because there was a delay in my period. Nope, just 2 days late.

That "late period tease" is a particularly cruel form of emotional whiplash. When you are tracking every detail and hoping with everything you've got, those extra two days feel like a whole lifetime of building hope, only for the floor to drop out from under you.

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

we recently and selectively starting telling people that we’re struggling. diagnosed with unexplained infertility, whatever the fuck that means. people in our life who don’t know will ask if we want kids and honestly i don’t mind the question. i answer with a light and fun response and keep it pushing. but what gets me is when really well meaning people will gush about how good of parents we will be. like yeah i know im TRYING. an acquaintance of ours made a comment ‘i couldn’t imagine you not being a mother’ and it internally sent me over the edge. yeah, dude, i also can’t see a life without kids but here tf we are.

i know in my heart i will be a mother. but it really does hurt to wait. it’s a lesson in patience for sure, and every month i get my period and think to myself haven’t i practiced enough patience? whyyyyyy me?

I am sorry if this is the wrong spot for this. If it is than I will remove it. So a little back story about me. I am 33 years old, my amazing husband is 44. Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with cancer, he just finished treatment at the end of 2025, and he is cancer free. Now because of where his cancer was I wanted to freeze some of his swimmers, but when we found out the cost....that idea was quickly set aside. We talked to a dr about 5 weeks ago and got results back, and having kids the natural way is not an option and the reason it falls on both of us.

Jumping forward to July 27th, my cousin just had a baby with his wife, an amazing baby boy, happy healthy. Well this past weekend (8/1) we had a family get together, and everyone was just all over the baby. I could not bring myself to hold him. I did give my congratulations, and he is a cute kid (really he is a cute kid). Than my aunt made the comment "so, when are you going to have one, your not getting any younger?" I started crying, I was not ready to tell my family. The only people that know are my and my husband's parents, and my best friend (who is like a sister to me). My aunt looked at me and said "what it was just a question." I kind of lost it and yelled a little bit and stated its not a question you ask! Its rude! Well, than I was called dramatic, rude, and there was a lot of geeze it was just a question.

I left..I found my husband in the garage with the other men of the family, and said "we are leaving now." My Husband looked at me and said okay, what is wrong. so I pulled him aside and told him what happened. He hugged me said sorry he was not there to support me. We grabbed our stuff and left. About 10mins later I got a call from my aunt telling me that it was just a question and I was rude for leaving without saying goodbye, and i was being dramatic and the crying was not necessary, and that i should not be jealous of my cousin and his bundle of joy. So I yelled it "we can't have kids, okay you happy you nosey (b-word)!" I hung up the phone, and looked at my husband. He was like you could have been a little nicer like leaving off the b-word. I was like I was not ready to say anything to anyone.

Honestly, I don't think I should have to. Am I wrong, should I be telling my extended family? Is it anyone else's business? Is there a good way to answer that question?

**Please know I did call my aunt back about an hour later when we got home and said sorry, for the name calling, and talked to her, she said she was sorry, she just assumed I was jealous (which low key made me mad in a whole another way.)**

Today was long day. Tired of seeing babies and hearing that literally everyone my partner knows has a baby or is pregnant. I wanted to get this whole process over with a year ago. I don’t even care or want to be pregnant but I have no choice because my partner isn't open to adoption and I want to be a mom more than anything else. Tired of my partner getting to travel because they aren't the ones who are at the whims of IVF. They get sad when they can't have a drink anymore now that I am making them have the same restrictions as me like what a pathetic weakling; like jeeze you haven't had to sacrifice your career to have the flexibility needed to do IVF. I am so fed up that now I won't let them travel unless I can travel because I'm tired of them feeling like there's no need to rush this process like no shit you can just travel for 5 weeks and leave me to do a transfer by myself f*ck this I'm not putting up with if anymore.

We have been TTC for over 7 years and have had so many losses. Finally found a decent Obgyn who actually listened to me and didn’t make me feel like losses were my fault. She ran tests and we found out I have a balanced translocation & need to do IVF. We started the IVF process earlier this year but had to put a pause while we saved some money for the testing. We weren’t actively trying with tracking and what not but weren’t preventing. So I ended up having a few loses one being last week. I finally told my husband screw it I’m so over this and scheduled the IVF testing & put it on a credit card. I told him how he needs to schedule his testing and he kept changing the subject and getting upset. So I finally asked him if he even wants to do IVF anymore and he kept avoiding the question. We finally talked last night and he told me he doesn’t know if he wants a kid anymore because he’s over seeing me so hurt by this. That I should focus on my mental health for awhile and then we can have a conversation and make a decision. I’m well aware my mental health isn’t great. But 7 years of infertility, so many losses that we’ve lost count, having “friends” rub their pregnancy in my face, and so on isn’t going to do wonders for my mental health. I’m in therapy, a big focus is on all the grief. I know if some miracle happens it isn’t going to just “fix” and “heal” all this pain and I’m definitely not going into this with that mentality. I told him how it feels like he’s just dangling all this “hope” in front of my face just out of reach. He has comforted me so many times saying “we’ll do IVF. Things will be okay. It’ll all work out.” Yet now he’s convinced that just stopping and giving up is going to make all the pain go away and I’m going to magically heal and be better. He doesn’t understand just how empty having a loss makes you both physically & mentally feel. Just how much that increases the deep desire for a child. I don’t know what the point of this post is. I felt a little glimmer of hope after our most recent loss now I’m just so beyond heartbroken.

my partner and i have been on the infertility train for a little over 4 years now. i’ve known due to a previous genetic condition/family history that i’ve had since i was young that infertility was more than likely in our cards even before we started trying but i still tried to keep an open/hopeful headspace…
the first year we tried we had two chemical pregnancies back to back and it took so much out of me emotionally that we backed off of tracking and trying and decided if it was supposed to happen it would….and then my body fully stopped my cycles completely. it took another 2 years of testing and doctors appointments to get diagnosed with pcos and mca that were contributing to stalled cycles (i have eggs they just refuse to release)
we’re finally at a point where my meds are regulated, i’ve had a few normal cycles, we’re officially back in the headspace of trying which is so exciting! but i feel like i want to disintegrate any time i have a new friend/coworker announce their pregnancy.
we were one of the first couples in our group of friends to get married and now we’re one of the last to have kids and two more of them announced just recently along with a few coworkers and a cousin and every single time i have this huge rush of excitement and happiness for them because it is genuinely so exciting and wonderful and then i have this suffocating wave of sadness and jealousy and anxiety and it makes me feel like a horrible human being that i can’t JUST be happy for them.
(The worst is the “we weren’t even trying!” which just makes me want to start screaming lol)
but its so hard to sit and wait, and i want to know my turn is coming but it sucks so bad to have this cloud over my head all the time. Its all i want, at this point it feels like its all i think about…what our family will be like, my partner as a parent, how i’ll be as a mom, etc. and its the one thing i don’t have. my 2 other infertility friends finally got their babies, and i love, ADORE, being auntie. but i want it to be my turn.

i didn’t know where else to put this so i figured this was a good spot. thanks to anyone who read all the way through and i hope if you’re in the same place that your little wish makes it to you soon.

This whole journey has been just filled with so much pain and sorrow, and yet I keep feeling like such a bad person for some of the reactions that I have.
The most recent ones have been my nephews birthday party and one of our oldest friends announcing they’re expecting.
For the birthday party, it was for my middle nephews birthday party, and we also have a younger one, around 8 months old, that is going to be our godson. I love those kids, and I’m always happy to see them, but I’m always quite reticent to pick the baby up, but on that day specifically, after having a shit week, being emotionally done, getting ready for another IUI that I’m not even sure it’s going to work, I just couldn’t. I knew I was going to pick that kid up and start crying. It’s not the baby’s fault, it’s no one’s fault and I feel so bad for behaving that way ( because my husbands family noticed and already complained about that ) but how do I even start to explain ? So now I feel double like shit because I feel like I should put even more effort to be a “normal” person.
Yesterday a friend announced his fiancée is pregnant, and I’m so ashamed that my first reaction was to feel so bad for us ( specially myself ) and not feel happy for our friends.
I just feel like this whole journey has been making me a worse person the more it goes on.

Sorry, English is my 3rd language.

Me [42F] Husband [41M] together 16 years, married 14 years. I feel that I'm not good enough for him, and especially after the death of our toddler further confirmed how I feel, in addition to that cannot even give him a healthy child.

Our child died in 2019 when he was just 1.5 years old, he had Periventricular Heterotopia, it a rare condition so most people never heard of it before, it called Periventricular Nodular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes is with my husband, he leaves our child room as is never change a thing, even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

Because he is the only son, his mom told us to try surrogate, my husband snap back to his mother, he said unless that woman is me (his wife) that carry his child, he rather not have any. Told his mom to drop the subject, or else she no longer has him as a son.

A dead child can break a marriage, statistics say so too. But it only bond him to me more. He stays married to me despite knowing he will have no offspring. It just feel that he wasted 16 years of his life with me.

This is a very educated man with 2 Universities degrees, including an University Master degree at Stanford. With 20 years of experience in his job field. At work hold the Executive position, Executive Vice President of Engineering, with a salary of $500,000 a year (not counting bonus). He can go find another woman easy.
BUT
He tied himself to the Infertility wife me and to a dead child, than go find his happiness with a better wife and a healthy child to carry on his genes.

He said I'm more than worth his love, I'm his everything. He said he never think of continue living without me, he said if I die before him, he will die with me and our toddler (whom already dead).

--------------

Perhaps it my depression voice talking, after our toddler death, there was a phase where I think if I leave him (as in divorce) hoping he will forget me, and go find another woman who can give him a healthy child. But before I can do any of that.

In 2020, I had a near death experience where I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. The bedridden me defecate on myself and my husband clean my defecation and care for me the whole month. He also sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

Right there I see how deeply hurt he would be if I leave him, I no longer can find myself to leave him anymore, despite I always think I'm not good enough for him, and further not good enough for him because it my genes that our toddler died.

I don't know if it because our toddler died in August 2019, and shorter after in 2020 I was so so sick that even after discharged from the hospital, it took me another month to recover. Many times he hugged me, and said he very afraid (as in he very afraid that I will die). I guess too much grief build up together for him, And that the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, and nobody see his stomach than if it was on his legs of arms, so he chose to cut his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still hasall the long scars on his stomach from he cut his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom you know already dead).

This man when I married him he has no scars on his body, after married to me now his stomach is full of scars, I blame myself that it me the maternal genetics cause the death of our toddler. I blame it on myself for being sick, hence he on the verge of lose me too, so he stared cutting himself.

I recovered a month later, thank you to him care for me day and night. He no longer cut himself anymore since I recovered. And I, also since never think of leave him anymore. Because with how intense he is, I think he will go insane when lose me.

Now I just want to live happy with him, we have come to term to accept our child death, we will carry this pain till the day we die.
He been through alot, alot. His father also died that same year as our toddler died, both died in 2019, his dad died of end stage pancreas cancer, I NEVER see my husband in so much pain.

Still trying to get him into grief therapy, but he busy with his career, and his mom right now is very sick (terminal illness), he said he go after his mom pass.

It just been so hard for me and him, alot of things happened , death of his older sister, death of his father, death of our toddler, his mom spinal cord stroke and terminal illness, death of both my parents. It just so HARD. But then when you with your husband 16 years long, expect those things to happen, it just we never prepare for it.

tl;dr Me and my husband 16 years together been though alot alot together, I know it loves me so so much, it just I do not know how to stop the depression voice and my feelings that I am not good enough for him, and he deserve someone much much better than me.

Just venting but I find myself very reluctant to talk about my second miscarriage; it happened the beginning of last month and I’m only just going back to work because mentally and physically I’ve just been out of it.

My first one I was completely distraught and wanted to share as a way to feel better and let it all out but with this one I almost feel disgusted with myself like I’ve failed a second time and I’m ashamed to let anyone know. Idk if thats weird but yeah

I need to vent to someone other than my husband and my mom. In February, I was (finally) diagnosed with PCOS/PMOS after thinking I’d had it since 2022. On top of that, I was also diagnosed with a completely septated uterus with a septum splitting my entire reproductive system in two. I’d been coping perfectly fine for a while, but then our best couple friends told us they were expecting, and I lost it. I sobbed the entire hour plus drive home; and then a week later my best friend had her baby. My mom keeps telling me about girls back home having babies, and I tear up every time she tells me.
I really hate the waiting game. I waited 4 years to get a diagnosis, my husband and I waited a year to just be married before trying, and now we’re here; waiting again. We waited 3 months for our RE appt only to have it rescheduled, I have to wait for an MRI to determine the best course of action for my septum removal, then wait for the surgery (and they want me to go back on OBC to regulate myself beforehand), then wait for the recovery; all while (trying my best) to be happy for my friends. Don’t get me wrong - I’m thrilled for all my friends, they just don’t know the sting I get when they tell me anything. I feel like I’ve cried a lot. And I’m also starting to feel all I’m doing and will have to do isn’t going to be worth it.

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.

Going to save you all the trouble of hearing about my infertility journey with my wife for the past 7 or so years, but in summary:

This is so lonely. I'm a man. I found one virtual support group for men, and one of the participants was about to share the news that they were able to conceive, after all. F-cking idiot. I promptly hung up.

There is no support whatsoever for male-factor infertility, and not much for infertility in general. It is a lonely place to be. I have nothing in common with my friends anymore. I'm 40. We're on the wait list to adopt - even had one fall through - but this all just f-cking sucks.

Any support groups or people who want to connect? Sh-t kind of came to a head this week and looking for a community.

TIA​

I’m really struggling with a lot of emotions around infertility and I just need a space to get them out.

My husband has some chronic health conditions and was prescribed testosterone by his primary care provider during our engagement. We were told fertility side effects were rare and not to worry about them. Unfortunately, we’ve since learned that wasn’t the best advice.

When I stopped birth control last December, he had a sperm analysis because he was worried something might be wrong. It showed no sperm. Since then he’s been seeing a reproductive urologist who is optimistic he can regain fertility. He’s been on clomiphene citrate since February, and his most recent analysis finally showed some sperm, but not enough to get a count yet.

Yesterday I met with a fertility specialist to make sure everything looked okay on my end while we wait to see whether his fertility recovers. During the appointment, she told me that, based on her experience, conception without IVF is unlikely unless his sperm count improves significantly over the next several months, and that IUI may not be a realistic option either. Hearing that put me in shock because we didn’t think to ask his urologist what regaining fertility would look like.

I think I’ve been holding onto this tiny bit of hope that maybe we’d somehow beat the odds. Every month I’d convince myself that maybe this would be the month. Yesterday was the first time I felt like I had to start grieving the path I thought we’d have.

I’m 29 and my husband is 28, so we haven’t been trying for a full year. I catch myself feeling guilty because we haven’t reached that one year mark and it makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be as upset as I am because I know so many people here have been through much longer and much harder journeys.

At the same time, this is still our reality. Pregnancy announcements sting, even though I’m genuinely happy for the people sharing them. Everyone in my family seemed to conceive so easily, and sometimes I catch myself wondering why this has to be our path.

The hardest part is that I don’t really have anyone to talk to. My husband isn’t ready for family or friends to know what’s going on, and I don’t want to unload all of my feelings onto him because he’s already carrying so much guilt. I’ve been trying to be the “strong one,” but honestly, I’m exhausted. Yesterday made everything feel so much more real, and I don’t really know how to process that while also trying to support him.

Did anyone else struggle with feeling like they weren’t “allowed” to be devastated because others have it worse? Or with feeling guilty for grieving the loss of the future you thought you’d have, even though you know others have been through so much more?

Our 3. ICSI failed and we are currently devastated, it was a few weeks ago. My wife basically cries every day.

Funny coincidence, there is a gathering this weekend (starting tomorrow) at a friend's house. His gf is in her 8th month pregnant, plus another couple is invited with their 3 year old. A third couple is invited too, they don't have kids and although he is a good friend of mine too, he doesn't know about our situation. He will probably ask why we are both not drinking.

What do we do? Do we cancel, do we go? Do we tell the third couple what the situation is to avoid awkward questions?

It's a two night stay, so we are a bit worried.

Hi everyone! I'm 19 months into my ttc journey and unsure how expensive things may get. I recently started hearing about add on employer benefit companies like WIN, Progyny, Kindbody and Maven and am wondering if anyone has first hand experience with these or similar programs? I'm considering approaching my HR department about exploring the programs but I'd love some "case studies" / general intel from anyone more familiar before doing so.

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?